Betty Adams's Blog, page 29

Humans are Weird - Almost

 Humans are Weird – Almost


Third Sister reminded herself to keep close watch on the human despite the fact that she couldn’t see his expressive face. Granted, it was made easier by the fact that she knew exactly where he was and what he was doing, but Second Brother George had already displayed a very human knack for causing chaos in the short weeks he had been staying in their hive. The wanderer was unfailingly cheerful and polite, but his impulse control was proving to be rather underdeveloped. The moment he had heard that they needed another pilot he had quite literally jumped at the chance to join the elder sisters in their work and had all but insisted that he be given the oldest walker with it’s demand for experience and attention.
The solar equinox was nearing it’s zenith and Third Sister was keeping an antenna to the breeze as the temperature crept up towards the level where her protective wax coating would no longer be useful. The dense atmosphere and the intra-solar dust clouds meant that the synthetic wax would fully protect her outer membrane from the muted radiation of the distant suns on this world, as long as it was still semi-solid. She drew in a deep breath and flexed her frill out as she braced her four feet on the crest of the vineyard hill. Below her a trio of four-legged utility vehicles crept down the access pathways between the rows of what the humans called vines. To one side a few sparse trees stood, but they cast no shadow in the light of the twin suns and did nothing to alleviate the nervousness that crept up her membrane.
She had been born on this world and had never known, nor needed, the protection of a full canopy. Even the thin covering that her Fathers’ coaxed over the main nursery lines wasn’t strictly necessary. Nevertheless the genetic need to feel that protective shield over her, or at least to know it was near still scratched at her awareness like a particularly irritating boring parasite. She tilted her head to one side, centering her vision on the central utility vehicle using the necessary mindfulness her task required to drive out the mental need. It’s extended arms reached out halfway over the rows, as did the arms of the other two. Flexible bands hung down from the arms, striking the scraggly Earth origin vines and sending a carefully calculated tremor down the woody tissue and out through the branches.
The same heavy atmosphere that meant her membrane didn’t crisp in the solar radiation also slowed the winds in some way that the Central University’s best meteorologists couldn’t quite explain. The lack of a proper night cycle also added to the lack of wind compared to most other habitable planets. When it had become clear that this strange atmospheric inertia would mean that the traditional Shatar vines would not be able to thrive Third Sister’s ancestors had not be entirely unprepared. They Understood the need for wind to strengthen woody tissue. However they had grossly undercalculated the infrastructure costs of compensating for that inertia. The solution that had arisen out of many hungry generations of trial and error was the strikers. Unable to depend on airflow most cultivated plants could simply be shaken into health. The newly arrived Earth origin plants were no exception.
Third Sister angled her triangular head to look at the notes in her hands. The would need to run another five rounds with each utility vehicle. She clicked her mandibles in frustration as her fingers twitched with the desire to take the controls of the walkers herself. Every year since she had been tall enough to reach the controls she had piloted one of the machines under the mindful supervision of Third Mother. However with First Grandmother and First Grandfather leaving to see what trading might be done in the next sector Third Mother’s time was better spent taking over their duties, leaving an empty supervisory niche at the top of the vineyards.
The first hint that something wasn’t quite right was the sound of poorly aligned gears grinding. Third Sister snapped her head up and splayed her antennas. That the sound might be coming from some other walker was nearly impossible so she centered her vision on Second Brother George’s machine without hesitation, but it was only nearly impossible so she kept her antenna splayed just in case some other aging machine, not being driven by a pilot many times too large had decided to break down. However her first speculation proved right as the striking arms flailed a moment and then snapped up and the walker gave one protesting leap before tearing off down the hill at an accelerating lope. Third Sister felt panic freeze her feet to the ground. Fear for the human’s life and limbs mingled with frantic calculations of how much damage he was going to do the rows below him, moving at that speed. She did not see how he could possibly manage the quarter circle turn that ended at the next section of rows.
Then he did. Third Sister watched in stunned and relived shock as the walker sprang and twisted to the side, somehow avoiding crashing into the staggered rows, tipping over, or even losing speed from its headlong race down the hill. Second Brother George must have maintained some level on control even as the walker gained speed. The walker and its human pilot continued, somehow managing to pull off the tight turns at each point and then gradually slowed to a stop headed up the opposite slope. Seemingly having regained control Second Brother George turned the walker and trotted it back up the hill Third Sister was on. He turned the walker and re-extended the striking arms before catching up to the others and matching their pace once more.
Third Sister remained frozen a moment longer and then scrambled over to her personal transport. The tracks clattered to life and carried her quickly to the turn point at the bottom of the hill ahead of the walkers. She jumped out and waved her arms in a signal for the human pilot to leave the cockpit of the walker. However Second Brother George only opened the door and twisted he fleshy face to expose his teeth in a friendly gesture.
“What’s up Sis?” He called out.
“What happened up the hill?” she demanded.
“What happened where?” he asked, his face wrinkling in confusion.
“You lost control of the walker speed!” Third Sister snapped. “You almost rolled the machine four times!”
“Oh that!” Second Brother George said, his face smoothing. “Yeah, I got the gear shifts mixed up again and accidentally put her in flatland sprint mode. Once she was going fast I figured there was no way to bring her under control until I had her going up the other side.”
“You almost rolled it!” Second Sister pressed.
“Almost!” Second Brother George called out with a cheerful wave. “It’s a lovely word. See you on the flip side.”
With that he closed the door and moved his walker to start back up the hill.  
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 300 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON

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Humans are Weird - Lost Threads

​ Humans are Weird – Lost Threads

From the way the diffused sun beams splashed onto his few exposed tendrils Notes the Passing Changes was vaguely aware that the clouds over head must have been a roiling mass of gleaming gray chaos. The effect was subtle, needing the contrast of a substantial shadow blocking the rays for contrast to note, such as the long one cast by the lumbering approach of a human. Such formations were something beautiful beyond any other light display Notes the Passing Changes had the chance to enjoy. However it was only in rare moments that it was safe to catch glimpses of the phenomenon.
Even the leading edge of such a cloud formation on this world carried the threat of wind storms capable of ripping the majority of the detritus that formed Notes the Passing Changes’s biomass from all but the deepest of the forests, shredding years of memories away. Or it heralded a rainstorm that would flood the lowlands and risk a soggy rot that might corrupt any tendrils that were not specifically optimized for water. A particularly wild storm might gather up the ambient electrical potential of his very tendrils and blast the land around with enough power to fuel an interstellar engine. Notes the Passing Changes found an idle tendril thought curling around the fancy that part of his biomass might still be alive in that mass of glass and charred biomatter, but he sternly pulled his attention back to the task at hand.
This time the storm had not brought winds, rain, or electrical discharge in its front, at least to no profound degree. The bare trees in the orchard did tremble as their branches caught the brief gusts of wind and their roots translated that movement clearly into the damp soil they clung to. Notes the Passing Changes could even feel ever so slight a charge difference build up, and then dissipating before it would even be a threat to the fragile electronics the humans carried let alone his study tendrils. No, there had been only one gust of wind of any strength, and it had born down on the rise he had pulled the greater mound of his more advanced sensory tendrils up onto to protect them from the flooding that hadn’t come. His most sensory rich filaments had been sitting there under an, upon pondering, thick but far too loosely piled layer of duff.
The one gust of wind had swirled the leaves into the surrounding trees. This would not have been a problem had that been the only meteorological event to occur, but just as Notes the Passing Changes had reached out his tendrils with the most tensile strength the ground began to tremble with little impacts, then there was a searing pain in one tendril followed by another. He instantly paused in perplexity. By the time he had processed the situation, this was a hail storm, his mass of tendrils was throbbing with building waves of pain. He could simply burrow down into the soil, but he had chose this spots because the bedrock heaved up through the porous topsoil providing an island against the flood that hadn’t come. There really wasn’t time to get all of his mass back down the few thin paths back to where it had been safely under the firmer detritus layers before and he had never adapted himself to occupying solid rock. Recalling the scattered leaves would expose even more of his tendrils to damage and the temperature of the surface layer was rapidly dipping to the freeze-thaw barrier as the hailstones collected.
Notes the Passing Changes was composting the situation as the pain grew more intense when the previously distant shadowfall and foot beats of the human were on top of this gathered mass.
“Don’t let me step on you!” Pat shouted as he sprinted to the base of the nearest trees to catch the escaped leaves and flailed his arms around in what Notes the Passing Changes could only perceive as a directionless manner.
Then the human stood and moved towards the undersoil hilltop.
“Clear a path for me!” Pat shouted.
The human paused at the edge of the visible knots of tendrils and waited. Notes the Passing Changes tried to devote enough mental attention to the human to figure out what he wanted but the pain was still intense.
“The center!” Pat shouted again. “Clear me a path to the center of this so I don’t step on you!”
Notes the Passing Changes was able to process that and dutifully pulled his tendrils out of the way despite the pain it caused. He did not know what Pat had in mind but the young human had proved himself clever at solving problems and compassionate towards others. It followed the paths of logic to trust him. The weight of the human pounded down a few times, and then there was a flush of warmth and a cessation of new pain in his central portion atop the undersoil hill. Notes the Passing Changes was still processing this sudden and partial change when he noticed that Pat was back at the edge of the forest flailing about in the detritus once more. Then Pat was back at the top of the undersoil hill, then back at the forest edge. With each pass another section of Notes the Passing Changes tendrils felt the warmth and the release from pain, and now that he could pay attention, could taste the bitter, teaming flavor of top layer detritus on duff level tendrils.
That completed the contemplation loop. Pat was using his mammalian agility to rapidly preform an emergency detritus transplant. With each armload Notes the Passing Changes was able to play closer attention to the human’s behavior and to respond helpfully. Another gust threatened to lift away this reclaimed protection and Notes the Passing Changes was even able to voice a suggestion.
“Bring branches!” he called out with some tendrils that were permanently in the local trees.
Pat gave an exclamation of consent and began bringing up various deadwood for weight. His own suffering diminishing by the moment Notes the Passing Changes used some of his more sheltered tendrils to calculate how much pain Pat might be in. However he could see now that Pat was in his full “outdoors” layering and was unlikely to be able to even feel the impacts of the hailstones. This was supported by the fact that when Pat passed into the quieter under layers of the forest Notes the Passing Changes could hear the human muttering, almost chanting what sounded like fragments of some sentence, whatever it was, completely unrelated to the situation touching his attention. Comforted by that knowledge Notes the Passing Changes concentrated on getting his sensory tendrils safely out of the impact danger and as comfortably as possible arranged under the small logs and branches.
“That is more than sufficient,” Notes the Passing Changes finally assures the perspiring human, who was off-gassing enough carbon mass to attract the attention of the local trees.
Pat gave a pleased gasp and staggered over to drop his last armful of leaves over the now covered tendrils. Then he staggered back to the forest and sat down on a fallen trunk that was know to both of them as a comfortable conversation spot. The canopy was high here and the log was easy to vibrate.
“Are you hurt?” Pat asked.
Notes the Passing Changes pondered his answer, trying to taste what the human would find relevant.
“There is still some lingering pain in my tendrils,” he admitted, “but the echos fade quickly and there will be no lasting damage.”
“Good, good.” Pat got out between breaths.
“May I ask how you knew to come aid me?” Notes the Passing Changes asked. “My attention has been far from the human habitations since the main harvest ended and I did not think to call for help.”
“I was just out wandering,” Pat said, leaning back against a tree hard by the log.
Notes the Passing Changes considered what he knew of this half of the young pair.
“I hope there is no rejection in your union,” Notes the Passing Changes offered.
“What?” Pat said in a startled tone, his eyes snapping open. “You mean-I don’t-”
The confused look left the human’s face and he suddenly laughed.
“Do you mean because I am out of the house in this weather you think that maybe Sandy gave me the heave to?”
“I do not recognize all of those terms but I suspect you understand my growth,” Notes the Passing Changes agreed.
“No,” Pat said shaking his head. “I am just trying to remember something and came out here to think it out.”
“Ah, was the associated memory tendril damaged or misplaced?” Notes the Passing Changes asked, feeling a wash of sympathy.
“Neither?” Pat replied after wrinkling his nose, “maybe both a little bit?”
“Would you like to share what tendrils you have?” Notes the Passing Changes asked.
“Well,” Pat began, reaching up to scratch under his hat. “It’s like this. I know I read this story somewhere about this animal, you know our megafauna symbiotes the canines?”
“I have heard many humans grow eloquent on the subject,” Notes the Passing Changes didn’t try to hid the dry bite to the comment and Pat laughed in reply.
“We do go on about our good boys,” he admitted. “Well I am sure that I read an old, old story about one. Thousands of years ago. There was this volcanic eruption you touch? A lot of people died, and a lot of dogs too, and there was a story about one dog with a silver collar. I was sharing the story in the base and someone mentioned that they thought it was a false myth. You touch? Supposed to be history but really just a story someone made up.”
“Did you attempt trace back your sources?” Notes the Passing Changes asked as he flexed his sore tendrils carefully under the awkward scattering of logs.
“That’s the problem,” Pat said. “I can’t remember the dog’s supposed name. I can’t find the story. I can’t remember the name of the story. I can’t even remember where I first heard it. Neither can the other guy. We’ve searched the local library, and it’s a good library with a lot of information on the historic event so it should be there, even if it was just a story.”
“But you have not been able to find a trace of it yet,” Notes the Passing Changes observed.
“The nail on the head,” Pat said nodding his head vigorously. “So I came out to dig though my memories out here with the brisk wind to clear my head.”
“Well it certainly cleared mine,” Notes the Passing Changes observed, making sure to put a rueful note in the log voice.
Pat started and burst out in a laugh.
“Was that a joke?” the human demanded.
Notes the Passing Changes thought this humor a good note to end on and pulled his attention away from his smarting tendrils, there were other places he could probably shore up his defenses if the lovely clouds were going to make a habit of flinging ice balls at the ground.  

Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 2nd book! 
Amazon! 
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Kobo By Rakuten
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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 300 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON
Youtube
BitChute
Odysee
Rumble 
Veoh

Humans are Weird - Sandpaper

 Humans are Weird – Sandpaper
“Fourth Sister?”
Her elder sister’s voice came filtered though the noise canceling headwrap and Fourth Sister felt her antenna curl down tight to her head under its comforting weight. It was nearly impossible to detect emotion through such altered noise when you couldn’t see the set of her frill or smell her pheromones over the abraded wood, however Fourth Sister was fairly certain that Second Sister was not in a good mood. She expanded her lung to draw air over the pleats and was grateful, not for the first time, that a sigh of exasperation was unnoticeable in her own species. How humans managed not to irritate their older sisters was beyond her with their loud, gusty exhalations. She raised a hind foot in a gesture of request as she carefully disengaged her sander from the wood she had been abrading and set it in the safety box. Once that was done she pulled off her insulating head wrap and took the chance to stretch her wide frill out of her coveralls, drinking in the wild tree pheromones that permeated her workshop.
If there was a little bit of a dominance display in the gesture Second Sister chose to ignore it. Some how the most aesthetic frill that had graced their Mothers’ hives for generations had fallen to a mere Fourth Sister who had also excelled in crafting skill and innovation. There was little doubt that Fourth Sister would secure a mate, possibly even before First Sister as their First Father was hardly very traditional when it came to such things. This could cause some tension in the hive vines but in general Fourth Sisters widely distinct interests kept her out of direct confrontation with her three older sisters and they maintained a rather precarious horizontal structure on their vine.
“Did you resecure the safety gates when you came in?” Fourth Sister asked, remember to lower her frill beforehand to make the question seem less accusing.
Second Sister curled her long antenna down in a curt motion of confirmation.
“Did you loan some of your-” she cut off and her hands flexed as she tried to recall the word.
“The paper,” she said finally, “the paper with the embedded silicates for controlled abrasion.”
Fourth Sister let her head rotate idly to the side as she waited.
Second Sister’s frill rippled and flushed with annoyance.
“Well?” she demanded.
“I think you might have abandoned that vine a little too soon,” Fourth Sister offered, trying to be genuinely helpful. “You should let a few more nouns bloom at least, if not go to seed.”
Second Sister tilted her head to the side and then her frill relaxed as she gave a little chitter of amusement. She braced her feet as if she was getting good footing for a big stretch.
“Did you lend some of your sandpaper to First Father Dickson?”
Fourth Sister flexed her mandibles to deny this, but just before she could a faint, sunbeam of memory pierced her canopy of thought.
“I may have,” she clicked out slowly.
Second Sister’s antenna lay flat against her head for a moment and she reset to the a less aggressive angle with a visible effort.
“Do you care to elaborate?” she promoted shortly.
“I was smoothing down Second Father’s pheromone mirror a few days ago,” Fourth Sister said. “That saltwater seasoned oak log has given me tens of them and I had found the perfect section for Second Father. Because it was a pheromone mirror I couldn’t use traditional sap stripping on it and the sander just worked perfectly-”
“The human,” Second Sister interrupted in what was now just a tired tone. “I assume this path is somehow leading us to a human?”
Fourth Sister gave a start and clicked a distracted confirmation.
“First Father Dickson entered my workshop,” she explained. “As the vine curls...at least I think he did. Something came human stomping up and made sounds at me. However it was my noted working hours and I did not think it necessary to stop my work, it is such a bother to get unwrapped and then rewrapped, so I just gave a confirming gesture with my back foot. When I was done with the mirror the sandpaper I had left on the table was gone. It is entirely possible that First Father Dickson borrowed it.”
“I suppose it would be of no use to ask you if you know what he did with it?” Second Sister asked.
“Used it to smooth a wooden surface I assume,” Fourth Sister offered.
Somewhat to her shock Second Sister sagged at her knee joints and let her head loll on her next for a bit. Fourth Sister reached out to put a comforting hand on her arm, but remember that she was covered in abrasive wood shavings at the last moment.
“What is wrong?” she asked, more than a little disturbed now.
“Oh nothing,” Second Sister said in a grim tone. “I am just wishing that I was still off dealing with my flight of Winged instead of letting Third Sister take my place.”
“By the vine what’s wrong?” Fourth Sister demanded.
Second Sister rocked back on her hindmost legs and gave a long flex to her frill.
“I am going to have to request that a human male show less attention to his personal health, at least while visiting with our hive members,” she finally said.
Fourth Sister’s frill extended with shock.
“A human male was over grooming?” she demanded. “Does that even happen? Why, I remember when First Father Dickson was Brother Unicus Dickky we could barely convince him to bathe off week old pheromones!”
“He wasn’t exactly over grooming,” Second Sister explained. “It was how he was grooming.”
“And how was he grooming?” Fourth Sister asked, her antenna flexing in eager attention now.
“With your sandpaper,” Second Sister stated in a clipped tone.
“With my…” Fourth Sister curled her antenna in confusion.
“You know that he goes about, on the beach and even between the gardens with no foot armor,” Second Sister went on.
“No!” Fourth Sister objected. “He has foot armor. He chose to grown out his natural armor!”
“Well it failed,” Second Sister stated.
“He cut a foot?” Fourth Sister demanded, her own hindmost limb twitching up in sympathy despite her heavy protective boots.
“Not as far as I could gather,” Second Sister said. “Rather the natural armor grew to thick and uneven and the resulting pressure on the living membrane caused it to split.”
Even as Fourth Sister flinched in empathy a rather horrifying idea flowered in her mind. She tilted her triangular head and stared at the safety box that held her sander.
“Human foot armor is made of dead skin,” she stated slowly. “The only way to even out thickness would be to remove it either chemically, or mechanically-”
“I don’t know if I should be glad I don’t have to explain what he was doing, right there in First Father’s garden, to you or worried that the concept graftedso quickly for you,” Second Sister observed.
“Are his feet uninjured?” Fourth Sister demanded.
“They are no more injured than when he started,” Second Sister stated. “However I don’t think I managed to explain that to any of the cousins who were watching him cheerfully sand off layers of his feet.”
“The poor little ones!” Fourth Cousin clicked in distress.
“They were positively waxy wither horror,” Second Sister stated grimly. “When I got them away I asked them why they didn’t leave the Fifteenth Cousin said it wouldn’t have been polite to leave a Fathers’ friend alone.”
“So you are going ask First Father Dickson to stop sanding his feet in the gardens?” Fourth Sister asked.
“He got blood and dead skin in First Father’s favorite compost heap,” Second Sister stated seemingly irrelevantly.
There was a long pause and as the shock wore off Fourth Sister couldn’t help thinking of her task at hand, and the fact that dealing with complex social issues was really a Second Sister kind of job. Second Sister must have caught the direction of her attention because she gave one amused click and stalked out of the workshop. Fourth Sister mindfully waited for the door to chime shut before she put on her safety wrap. Before she activated the sander she examined the rough surface and for a moment a vivid image of pressing it to her bare feet flashed in her mind and she felt her frill go waxy. What had the human previously known as Brother Unicus Dickky been thinking?

Please go and leave a new rating and review on my 2nd book! 
Amazon! 
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​
What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 300 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
AMAZON Youtube
BitChute
Odysee
Rumble 
Veoh

Humans are Weird - Sparklers

 Humans are Weird – Sparklers


The textureless walls of the starbase thrummed with a pleasantly asymmetric mechanical rumble today and Tck’stk felt the relief easing into his paws with every step he took along the spider walk. The human engineers back in Sol had been immensely proud of what they proclaimed to be a zero waste engine embedded in a highly absorbent frame. In their wild and seemingly gene deep need for efficiency they had eliminated very conducted sound from the latest generation of vessels. That the dead silence of the compartments in the ship drove every species save the Undulates to near madness in a short time had somehow been an unforeseen consequence to a species that thrived on constant stimulation.
Tck’stk espied the Chief of Sound Design staring out one of the great observation ports that lined the ship. Skc’chch was holding a steaming mug of some herbal tea and taking the occasional sip. Tck’stk felt a well of gratitude towards the smooth old engineer who had solved the issue of the sound-dead base so quickly and skittered over happily to his side.
“Greetings Chief Skc’chch!” Tck’stk called out. “I wanted to compliment you on the sound profile today. It sounds just like a ship should sound! Not a bit too natural-”
Tck’stk cut off his gratitude suddenly as the view of the blurry starlight field was suddenly disrupted by an explosion of color. A core of red erupted into rings of orange, yellow, green, and finally violet before dispersing, only to be followed by a thousand white explosions so close to the viewing window that Tck’stk would have sworn that he heard the impact of the debris against the view port. A shower of searing green lights then shot past, burning in short, intense coils before extinguishing just as another lit.
Chief Skc’chch angled his body so that his main cones of focal vision fell on Tck’stk. The engineer’s mandibles were politely set to invite the younger Trisk to continue his thought.
“The sounds,” Tck’stk stated, trying to keep his attention on what he had been saying, “they are nice today. I like that that artificial machine sounds don’t just repeat…”
He completely rotated his body away from Chief Skc’chch and braced his legs against the spider walk as a dim indigo streaks appeared and very visibly impacted the view port leaving ashy smears momentarily across the view-field. The smears were gone in moments and Tck’stk was left staring in confusion at the next display of light and color.
“The nano-droids clear the ash up fast!” came the warm breathy voice of a mammal just behind him.
Tck’stk smoothed down his hairs as he bristled in irritiation. There was no reason to assume that the human had seen him conversing with Chief Skc’chch and he was hardly holding up his end of a polite public conversation, and what the human had offered was relevant information.
“So thank you,” Tck’stk finished with a rather helpless gesture of a gripping paw.
He waited the traditional six clicks for the response and Chief Skc’chch slowly bobbed his head with an amused set to his mandibles.
“You are more than welcome Friend Tck’stk,” the old one said. “I am pleased to bring my specialty to the aid of a crew in such dire need.”
Flaming orange spirals danced outside the viewport.
“While there is still much to be done the human crew have proved themselves more than willing to adapt to our needs as well as fulfill their own,” Chief Skc’chch finished, bringing the mug of tea up to his mandibles for a sip.
Tck’stk let far more than the six polite clicks pass as white rockets shot off, far out of his range of vision into the blurry distance of the star field.
“May I ask,” he began hesitantly, “do you know….forgive my frayed thoughts and words but what is going on out there?”
Chief Skc’chch’s smooth old mandibles twitched up in amusement as he too let more than the six clicks of thought pass.
“The humans,” he said slowly and clearly, “are being efficient.”
Tck’stk let his mind worry over that with irritation as he pondered the chief’s meaning in the thinking time. That meant the humans were trying to achieve at least one incidental goal along with one primary or intended goal. Normally he would assume that the chaotic explosions outside the view port would have been and entirely unintended consequence of whatever the goal was, however the tight patters were far too ordered. Which suggested that they might be the incidental goal. Fast on this however followed another thought and this one, despite being quite in line with his knowledge of human behavior was staggering enough to warrant discussion.
“Are the explosions their primary goal or some redundancy?” he asked, edging away from the view port.
Chief Skc’chch gave a rippling chitter of amusement at that.
“I believe that their primary goal in this case was the disposal of post digestion food waste,” Chief Skc’chch stated.
“Don’t the mammals usually recycle that via bacterial digestion and plant growth?” Tck’stk asked after a long confused moment.
Chief Skc’chch waved a paw in confirmation through the steam of his tea.
“They do that,” he said, “That is why the gardens are so lush on this base. However the base processes so many unvetted mammals on a daily basis that they have an abundance of biological waste, most of which can’t be trusted in the gardens without cost prohibitive contaminate testing.”
“So they space it towards the nearest planet with an atmosphere?” Tck’stk asked, but then saw the flaw in that. “That would not connect with these-”
He cut off as a billowing orange cloud erupted across the view port.
“-these.” he finished, wishing he plentiful hairs didn’t bristle quite so obviously.
“No,” Skc’chch agreed. “That would not provide this, what I am assured is quite a pleasing display to humans.”
“A display of exploding, burning waste matter?” Tck’stk demanded, forgetting the proper pause in his shock.
Fortunately the old engineer didn’t seem to notice.
“Once it is thoroughly dedicated, and the pure water reclaimed the matter burns quite efficiently for the most part,” Skc’chch pointed out, “and my human colleagues insist that humans like any form of pretty lights for environment enrichment. This also gives them a chance to dispose of the toxic oxidizing waste from the fuel byproducts.”
Tck’stk stared dumbly out the view port as something that had once been food lit with brilliant purple flame in the vacuum of space.  

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 300 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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Humans are Weird - Duck and Go

​ Humans are Weird – Duck and Go


“These observation decks are a curious addition to the bases,” Liftsupwards said as he stirred his nutrient slurry idly with one appendage. “I propose to ask Ranger Dodge about it once he returns from sampling the current captured dorganism.”
The slurry he had chose today was one of the few whose taste drifted more towards delightful than merely palatable. It was warm and savory like the free floating algae that bloomed on the seafloor of the shallow reefs. Despite having only one appendage trailing in the cup that held it the taste and texture was engaging most of his attention leaving little to contemplate the sharp lights that glittered overhead.
“Yes,” his companion responded, “I believe that they were something of a mistake on the human engineer’s part.”
Thrustsfirmly had no fewer than six of his appendages crammed into his nutrient cup in an obvious attempt to consume the contents as quickly as possible. Liftsupwards wondered if his new companion had chosen one of the less delightful nutrient packs. Whatever might be the cause of Thrustsfirmly giving less attention to his nutrients his free appendages were spread wide in an attempt to examine the dome of reinforced material above them.
“A mistake?” Liftsupwards asked angling a few appendages in a querying gesture.
“From what Ranger Dodge has told me the domes are quite fully transparent to human eyes,” Thrustsfirmly explained. “This, glittering opacity only appears to our photo receptors.”
“Is it opaque to any other species?” Liftsupwards asked.
“It has tested out as fully transparent to Shatar, Trisk, and Winged,” Thrustsfirmly stated. “The reptilian species don’t post individuals in planetless drifts like this and the Gathering-” Thrustsfirmly shrugged and gave an expansive gesture.
“I have never heard of a Gathering traveling through space,” Liftsupwards said following the flow of the gesture. “That is somewhat odd now that I think of it. Perhaps they only travel to new worlds in spore form?”
“Do Gathering have spore forms?” Thrustsfirmly asked, his body stiffening with sudden interest.
“I assumed they do,” Liftsupwards said, “however now I ponder I realize that is just my assumption. I take it you are also ignorant as to how they reproduce?”
“I am,” Thrustsfirmly agreed. “That added to the mystery of their dispersal and the question of how they achieved interstellar dispersal has led many to assume a spore phase, perhaps even a spaceborn spore phase, but there is extremely little known and they are not exactly forthcoming with their information. That is part of the reason I requested time at this research station. The space-whales-”
The mildly disturbing trills of a low level alert vibrated through the base and Liftsupwards instantly bent half his appendages to examine his tablet. Thrusts firmly removed a few appendages from his nearly empty cup and angled himself to show polite attention.
“An unexpected but nonthreatening particle shower is going to pass over the base and the probe network,” Liftsupwards announced after a moment. “It is already striking the outer fringe of probes. Ranger Dodge is in no danger?”
“His personal shielding is more than rated for this,” Thurstsfirmly said as Liftsupwards idly scrolled through the warnings. “He shouldn’t even be able to feel the impact on his cranial shielding, though the larger frozen particulates might cause his limbs some discomfort. I have sent the required safety check as a matter of drift.”
Thrustsfirmly abandoned his almost finished nutrients to shuffle over to the wall controls and activate the viewing screen that had been added for their use.
“Why did the humans install the shielding for observation use if they knew it wouldn’t be transparent to us?” Liftsupards asked, resuming the original drift of their conversation.
“It was transparent to us when they did the initial testing,” Thrustsfirmly said. “Well, perhaps not entirely transparent, I seem to recall feeling that there was a bit of scattering. This obfuscation is a result of materials reaction with the constant particle bombardment experienced in a nebula.”
“Then what was the original mistake?” Liftsupwards asked.
“That the humans did not think to test the materials under conditions that would be common to its function,” Thrustsfirmly said.
The screen system activated and displayed the swirling colors of the nebula outside of the station, the bright points of each probe that formed the network, and the seething glittering mass that showed where Ranger Dodge was tagging and taking samples from the space whale currently entangles in the net. The appearance of the whole was odd to say the least. Like the standard night sky over any lagoon, but somehow different just out of his ability to describe.
“There has been much poetry written on the unease of staring into space without the natural filter of an atmosphere,” Liftsupwards observed idly.
“Touch me gently and give me warning if you feel the urge to add too it while on the base,” Thurstsfirmly stated with an amused ripple to his motions.
Liftsupwards felt an amused ripple flow through his appendages as he regretfully noted the savory nutrient broth was near the bottom of the cup.
“No fear of that,” he replied.
His tablet chimed.
“Ranger Dodge replied that he is aware of the particulates. He sees no danger in them and intends to finish the sampling before returning to the station by tether leaps.” Liftsupwards announced.
“Isn’t he aware of the danger of the pain?” Thrustsfirmly asked, returning to his half full cup even as they angled their appendages to observe what was transpiring out in the nebula.
“I would assume so,” Liftsupwards stated. “He has been out in many such storms. Perhaps he is confident in his ability to respond appropriately to the storm as it arrives?”
The particle storm was beginning to grow visible by the way the glowing gasses of the nebula sparked and shivered upstream of the net. The bright, reflective worksuit that Ranger Dodge wore mad him easily visible even at the distance the space whale was from the station as he gracefully flitted around the massive creature.
Liftsupwards’s tablet chimed as it accepted the latest datapoint from the Ranger and on the screen Ranger Dodge paused atop the probe platform to release the space whale. He had almost finished freeing the creature when the particle storm reached them. The space whale reacted with barely perceptible twitching while Ranger Dodge momentarily flailed, loosing his projected grace as the ice particles struck the thinner armor over his arms and legs. However the experienced Ranger quickly righted himself and released the unperturbed space whale back into the stream. The space whale drifted slowly away, what was visible through the nebula of its outer layer flexing and pulsing as it seemed to enjoy the shower of ice particles. Ranger Dodge however had near frantically secured his tether to the next probe and was hurtling back though the dust, his primary gripping appendages wrapped around his head.
Liftsupwards noted that Thurstsfirmly was rippling so hard with amusement that he was having trouble getting his appendages back into his nutrient cup.
“Is it quite the moral stroke to be amused by another sapient being’s suffering?” Liftsupwards asked.
“I don’t see you tightening up in distress,” Thrustsfirmly replied. “Flowing beside that, Ranger Dodge is in no danger. If he arranged his appendages in the shadow of his cranial shielding he would be experiencing no discomfort at all. He is just floundering a bit because despite our warning he was too focused on gathering data points and failed to mentally prepare himself to meet the storm.”
“So there is nothing morally adrift about enjoying the show?” Liftsupwards asked.
“Not an Und,” Thrustsfirmly assured him. “Observe, even now he arranges his appendages properly.”
As the other had said the human had pulled his four great appendages into the shadow of his dense cranial shielding and was letting the tether pull him towards the base. In a short time he reached the air lock and the base was trembling with the steady double beat of his bipedal locomotion. Liftsupwards was afraid that they were still rippling with amusement when he passed through the observation deck because Ranger Dodge only glanced at them and then heaved a massive sigh even as he rolled his eyes.
“It is quite amazing how they can express so much with such a limited range of movement,” Thrustsfirmly observed.
“Quite,” Liftsupwards agreed.  

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 180 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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Kaiju No. 8 Chapter 68 - Full Spoilers Review & Analysis - Things Dead and Things Not So Dead

Kaiju No. 8 Chapter 68 - Full Spoilers Review & Analysis - Things Dead and Things Not So Dead
Youtube
https://youtu.be/0bpsxc0Rf0s 
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https://www.bitchute.com/video/QnQ0NPf5YF8C/ 
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https://www.veoh.com/watch/v142216134qcP4G5bF 
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https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08S2VT2TC  
#ShonenJump #Kafka #Kikoru #Isao #KN8

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 180 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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Kaiju No. 8 Chapter 68 - No Spoilers Review & Analysis - A Slap to the Face Three Times Over

Kaiju No. 8 Chapter 68 - No Spoilers Review & Analysis - A Slap to the Face Three Times Over
Youtube
https://youtu.be/yiFOZP8R7Eo 
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https://rumble.com/c/c-1429014 
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https://www.veoh.com/watch/v142215556WZnDDTqg 
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https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08S2VT2TC 
#ShonenJump #Kafka #Kikoru #Isao #KN8

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 180 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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Humans are Weird - Gnawing

 Humans are Weird – Gnawing


Above the canopy of the deep summer-gourd orchard the air grew hotter as the rays of sunlight fell nearly directly down the planet’s gravity well. With each layer of emerald green leave the light diffused and the temperature dropped until the open forest floor where even the impressively endothermic humans found the temperature cool, if the light dim.
Notes the Passing Changes had been tremendously busy for weeks in the spring, setting up monitoring nodes, distributing nutrients as he saw fit, and trying to integrate the other species’ needs into the overall plans as well. Of course the great orchard needed very little attention by this point. The Gathering had been nurturing it for tree generations and it now was mature enough to make it’s own decisions most of the time. However the younger orchards the humans had planted, the Shatar gardens, and the ever disturbed pathways and road needed constant attention as the seasons changed, but now even those had slowed down. The summer crop plants were progressing with only minor losses to predators. The autumn crop plants were singing out their pheromones to summon pollinators and the flitting creatures responded eagerly. All the fibers led to the conclusions that Notes the Passing Changes could ease down a bit and rest, perhaps only tending to lower priority issues, such as making sure the summer-gourd orchard was producing enough fruits.
Nearly three days ago Notes the Passing Changes had begun sending more mass into the thin duff that covered the bed of the deep orchard, being sure to focus any tender tendrils in the fallen logs and branches and the soil just under them. Before all of the companion species had arrived Notes the Passing Changes would have simply evenly distributed awareness throughout the bed of rich detritus, but the reptilian folk dug long shallow trenches with their dragging tails and the pounding feet of the humans somehow never managed to say on the paths. In the end there had been no point in trying to contain them. Mindfully arranging tendrils in safe little micro climates was a far easier process and the summer-gourd orchard came into focus.
It was a popular place when the sunbeams angled straight down. The tripping sound of little feet announced the presence of a rather large cluster of Shatar cousins scampering about from tree to tree, pausing at one, and then hurrying on to another. Notes the Passing Changes vaguely recalled that a local First Father had requested permission to send an educational group out to collect immature specimens for some learning project or another. Near the center of the orchard, where the progenitor tree had once stood and which was now a soft and level surface a group of humans seemed to be actively disturbing as much of the duff as they could. Two clusters of humans would suddenly charge each other, colliding like cloud masses, struggling for a bit, and then falling back apart. Occasionally an odd oblong shape they collectively held would thump to the ground. Occasionally a human would run into a tree.
Notes the Passing Changes focused attention on the signals from the trees. They felt not distress at the collisions and were quite stimulated by the excess carbon dioxide and the incidental surprise nitrogen deposits. There were a few older trees that would soon cull themselves, but they would probably last a few more seasons. About half of the trees were actively producing fruit while the other half rested this season. All told it was well within expectations and Notes the Passing Changes let attention diffuse and began looking for a change to interact with one of the neighbors. The Shatar young ones were entirely focused on what their elder sister was saying. The scrimmaging group of humans did consist of several the Gathering knew, including Notes the Passing Changes’s particular friend Pat, but they were quite focused on whatever they were doing. There were many individual humans scattered throughout the orchard but most of them were dormant with the temperature this high and the sunlight at this angle. However there was one human who was quite active, though she was sitting on one of the logs Notes the Passing Changes was diffused into.
The human female was within sight of the scrimmaging group as far as Notes the Passing Changes could tell but she wasn’t looking at them. She had a physical data storage device laying on the surface her bent legs made as she sat. Her eyes were running over the inscriptions on the surface and her lips moved slowly though she was not producing any vocal sounds. As Notes the Passing Changes observed one of her hands drifted down and began groping around the log. She then turned her attention to the surface and frowned as she began prodding at the log in a more purposeful way. Notes the Passing Changes assumed she was looking for the writing stylus that was sitting beside her on the log. She most likely couldn’t see it because of the dim level of light so far beneath the canopy. The Gathering extended a thickened tendril and lifted the stylus up.
“Sandy-” Notes the Passing Changes began.
Sandy started and gave a small gasp.
“I am quite sorry,” Notes the Passing Changes said to the woman who was breathing heavily now. “I did not mean to startle you.”
“Ye didnae,” she said, with a grin. “Nae pure anyhow.”
“Then why is your language reverting to your native dialect?” Notes the Passing Changes asked, rotating the stylus in a tendril, feeling the pitted surface.
Sandy blinked down at the tendril for several moments and then burst into laughter.
“Go dook yourself!” she said.
Sandy then drew in a great lungful of air and smiled down at the bed of the forest. When she spoke her voice had reverted to the usual tones of a trained Survey Core Ranger.
“Maybe you did startle me a little,” she confessed, “but the occasional startle is good for the soul. Thanks for finding my scribbler. It’s dark down here.”
She held out her hand and Notes the Passing Changes placed the stylus in her palm.
“What do the markings on your, scribbler, indicate?” the Gathering asked.
She glanced at it and frowned.
“What markings?” she asked.
“The deep groves near the end,” Notes the Passing Changes said.
Sandy ran her thumb over the groves and her face broke out in a grin.
“That’s just where I chew on it while I’m editing,” she explained.
“What nutrients do you extract from the stylus?” Notes the Passing Changes asked, growing more interested.
“Nae a bit,” the human replied with a laugh. “It’s just something I do, helps me focus.”
“How does chewing on the stylus do that?” Notes the Passing Changes asked.
Sandy stared down at the forest bed for a long moment and then heaved a massive sigh.
“A dinnae ken,” she finally said. “A jus dinnae ken.”


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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 180 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
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QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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Humans are Weird - Unstoppable Beep

 Humans are Weird – Unstoppable Beep


“Following the lines I do understand that it is annoying,” Eighth Cousin said as her fingers moved quickly through the pile of assorted mechanical parts in front of her.
The soft clangs and scraping sounds echoed back from the stone walls of the buildings that half surrounded the scrap dump. The silvery light from the local star glittered down through the ever present clouds causing the unoxidized portions of the metal to glitter. She took a moment to adjust her coveralls where they tucked into her boots.
“Do you need help with that Eighth Cousin?” Seventh Sister asked, pausing where she was about to dump a container of light-weight derbies into the combustibles bin.
“No,” Eighth Cousin said with a dismissive flick of her antenna. “I am just adjusting for chafe.”
“I just can’t feel why it drives the humans quite so,” she made a vague circular gesture with a bolt, returning to the previous topic.
“Frantic?” Seventh Sister asked.
“Frantic,” Eighth Cousin confirmed with a grateful bob of her head.
They worked in silence for a few moments, pondering the question, only quiet clanking of the assorted scrap metal as the pile was sorted piece by piece.
“It is a very specially cultivated sound. It’s supposed to make humans all stressed and alert because of fire,” Seventh Sister proposed. “Perhaps our tympanic organs just don’t get stressed the same way.”
“That would be our nerves,” Eighth Cousin corrected, “and our tympanic organs are even more sensitive than theirs.”
Seventh Sister cut her mandibles over that for several long moments.
“Maybe it just isn’t the sound that is so bad for the humans,” she said. “Maybe it is why the sound that is bother them.”
Eighth Cousin waited for her to finish the thought be Seventh Sister clearly thought that what she had said was explanation enough as her gloved fingers tossed various wires into a bin. Eighth Cousin very deliberately rotated her head to the side in a demand for further explanation. Seventh Sister started in surprise and settled back on her hind legs, her mandibles working and her antennas coiling as she worked the idea into words.
“Second Brother,” she began and then hesitated, “the human Second Brother I mean. The one in charge of the human lights and sounds and stuff. He is the one in charge of fixing the problem, of making the alert sound stop.”
Seventh Sister stopped and mulled again as she pulled a steel rod out of the pile and laid it with others like it.
“Third Mother let me be his helper yesterday,” she curled her antenna in frustration, “he complained lots.”
“Human Second Brother doesn’t enjoy the work he was assigned?” Eight Cousin asked in surprise.
“No!” Seventh Sister flapped her frill in denial. “He had lots of fun, we had lots of fun trying to solve the problems. He let me reline the circuits. They mad this fun click-click sound and he laughed! He didn’t complain about the work at all!”
“Then what was he complaining about?” Eighth Cousin asked.
“He complained a lot about how we still didn’t know why the bad sounds started,” Seventh Sister said. “He kept talking about how the sounds just started, and the auto-cleaning robots started singing the power song, and how the medical tool all couldn’t talk to each other, and how the sound makers all made funny sounds, and now all of that stopped except the bad fire sensors keep making the alarms go and how it just-”
Seventh Sister curled her antenna tight in thought and Eighth Cousin had to fight back an adoring croon. Technically Seventh Sister was now in her first adult molt, but she still, moved and spoke like a child in many ways.
“He doesn’t complain about changing the power things, or aligning the wires, or even working after sundown,” she finally said. “He likes that part. He complained, he said, ‘Listen Squirt, everything went haywire on the farm and we. Don’t. Know. Why!’ and he thumped me here when he said each word!” She pointed to her chest, her frill raising in astonishment.
Eighth Cousin fought back a click of amusement.
“I mean the last three words he did!” Seventh Sister went on, “and then he said a lot of complaints! But it was all about how we didn’t know why the stuff went...haywire.”
Seventh Sister fell silent as she worked a particularly difficult tangle of wires out of the pile.
“So Human Second Brother doesn’t mind that his duties have been compounding due to the mysterious incident,” Eighth Cousin summarized. “He minds that we still haven’t figured out what caused it.”
“Yes!” Seventh Sister exclaimed, “and that doesn’t make sense. I mean the alarms are annoying but nothing bad happened. The health and safety systems didn’t fail, not enough to hurt anybody. It hasn’t even happened again! So why would Human Second Brother-”
“And the rest of the humans,” Eighth Cousin pointed out.
“And the rest of the humans,” Seventh Sister accepted, “be so worried about something that has only happened once!”
“Well Shatar aren’t particularly fond of things that we don’t understand affecting our machines either,” Eighth Cousin pointed out gently.
“But we don’t just complain about if for days!” Seventh Sister protested.
“I suppose that might be the alarms that keep going off,” Eighth Cousin pointed out. “Maybe the constant stimulation of the fear response with nothing to be afraid of is irritating their curiosity?”
Eighth Cousin’s comm chirped, a strange tinny chirp that signaled a system that hadn’t quite recovered from the mysterious system glitch.
“Time to head back to the garden Little One,” Eighth Cousin stated, standing and adjusting her coveralls a final time.
They gathered up their tools and closed the bins against rain. Eighth Cousin fought back a click of amusement as Seventh Sister wrestled with her basket of ‘finds’ filled with everything that had caught the eye of an eager young one. They made the long walk along the stone wall to the access door and it opened to let them in. Seventh Sister’s antenna immediately perked up at the silence that met them. Eighth Cousin saw the pleased question form on her mandibles before a frill curling sound vibrated out of the walls and they both winced back.
The sound of frantic human language came dimly to them through the vents and Eighth Cousin tilted her head over to Seventh Sister.
“Was that a call for help?” Eighth Cousin asked.
Seventh Sister curled her antenna in negation and her frill flushed in embarrassment.
“He told me those were not polite words,” she explained, “and he wouldn’t explain them to me without the agreement of all the Mothers and Fathers of the hive. They just mean he is frustrated.”
“Well,” Eighth Cousin said with an irritated click. “I hope he figures out how to silence the alarms soon.”
“Even if he does he will still want to know why they went bad in the first place,” Seventh Sister stated.
“Well he can worry that brush himself,” Eighth Cousin said firmly. “We have our own tangles to mind.”

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


Hey! The books are moving well on Amazon and now have 180 reviews and ratings! If you bought the book and enjoyed it, it would really help me out if you leave a quick star rating on Amazon. A review would be great but just stars would be a huge boost *****!
​

QUICK NOTE: RE: everyone who asked. The book is avaliable in Amazon regions US-UK-DE-FR-ES-IT-NL-JP-BR-CA-MX-AU-IN. HOWEVER The above link only takes you to the US Amazon site. The one indicated by the .com ending. If it says "not avaliable in your country" that just means that you need to click over to your Amazon region.


Of course if you want a signed first edition you can email me at the email on my website and I can ship you a signed Author copy of the first edition for the same price as the crowdfunding campaign $35 domestic and $60 overseas. I'll do that until I run out of extra books.
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Humans are Weird - Pop Hist

  Humans are Weird – Pop Hist

The main kitchens on Furlong base was filled with steam that beaded on Quilx’tch’s chelicerae, leaving a pleasant taste of salt and spices. The pots in front of him gurgled and hissed as the heat and the water broke down the tough native plants into an edible form. Beyond his corner the larger pots the humans used sent out deeper, resonant sounds as the evening’s ‘stew’ boiled off enough water to reach the desired viscosity. A large white blur swept past as Quilx’tch’s platform rumbled with the double beat of the human cook’s footfalls. 
Quilx’tch lifted the lid off the pot in front of him and ladled out a bit of the decoction. He swirled the amber liquid in the ladle bowl until it had cooled enough for him to take a sip.
“Not quite done,” he clicked thoughtfully to himself.
The chief cook for the Trisk scuttled up out of the mist behind him carrying three armfuls of dried rocket leaf and a bag of mineral salts. The cook began lifting the lids and tossing in salt crystals and handfuls of rocket leaf to what Quilx’tch seemed at random. The cook most have noticed Quilx’tch’s attention because he tilted his body to angle a secondary eye at him and his mandibles quirked in amusement.
“Is there a problem?” the cook asked in an obviously amused tone.
Quilx’tch fought down a sigh.
“Don’t you measure the weight of the ingredients?” he asked.
“What good would that do?” the cook asked as he tossed in a particularly large gripper of herb, “this rocket leaf is wild gathered and the actual nutrient content varies widely from leaf to leaf.”
Quilx’tch decided the argument wasn’t worth the effort. There was no way that a visiting nutritional anthropologist was going to change the mind of a senior swarm cook, and rotated his full attention back to his one small cauldron.
Shortly however the energy of the kitchens changed. The resonant bubbling of the giant cooking pots ceased and the space was filled with bangs and thumps as the giant bipeds shifted from preparation to serving. Their individual footsteps were soon lost in the general rumble as the teams of rangers who had been outdoors for the majority of the day taking samples of various invertebrate species returned and swarmed the mess hall. Quilx’tch observed all of this with just a tuft of hair as his decoction was fairly close to his desired results.
The chief cook came up beside him and held out a gripper for a taste. He lifted the ladle Quilx’tch handed him to his balding chelicerae and sipped delicately. His hairs twitched thoughtfully and he glanced at Quilx’tch with more speculation than approval in his expression.
“As far as I can tell this tastes exactly the same as every other ration decotion,” he said.
“That is the excellent!” Quilx’tch explained. “I was attempting-”
They were interrupted by a sudden pounding on the door. They both turned their bodies to glance at it but the cook gestured for Quilx’tch to return to his work.
“Some human wanting more salt than is good for them probably,” the cook remarked with a sigh as he scuttled towards the door.
Quilx’tch turned back to his cauldron and turned off the heat. He went to the cupboards and selected the appropriate volume of storage containers. He was just beginning the transfer when the cook came back with a perplexed look in his eyes and his mandibles twitching with amusement.
“Was it a salt seeking human?” Quilx’tch asked, mildly curious.
“In one paw,” the cook offered.
“The humans was looking for more than just salt?” Quilx’tch asked. “Or do you mean that there was more than just a human looking for salt?”
“I’m not exactly sure about that,” the cook admitted as he turned the heat down on his long line of cauldrons. “The human was really eager, frantic, for something I’d never heard of. I told him the human dinner was ready and he just seemed irritated.”
“What did he ask for?” Quilx’tch asked growing more interested as he packed away his last container into the refrigerator.
“Potato chips,” the cook said hissing the unfamiliar words thoughtfully over his mandibles.
“Ah,” Quilx’tch bobbed his abdomen in understanding. “A carbohydrate dense fat and salt carrier. I have had multiple chances of tasting them on human worlds. Quite nutrient empty and they take up massive amount of cargo space so few ships carry them. They should have established a potato crop on this planet by now however.”
“That’s it then,” the cook said with a boob of his abdomen, “subsurface fungal growths prevented all tuber growth. It has my human colleagues all joint stiff. Until they can breed a proper growth culture they have to make due with surface grains.”
“Unfortunate for our chip seeking friend,” Quilx’tch said. “He will have to let the craving go unsatisfied.”
The cook let out an explosive click of derisive amusement at that.
“You are new to these out of the way planets then?” he asked.
“Hardly,” Quilx’tch said, more than a touch offended.
“Whatever you say,” the cook said with a dismissive wave. “There is “a guy” on the base as the humans phrase it. I directed this human to the guy I know. He will get his potato chips. If he is willing to barter.”
The cook turned to decanting his own more freestyle decoctions.
“Did the human say why he was craving the chips?” Quilx’tch asked.
“I think he did,” the cook said. “I didn’t pay too much attention.”
Quilx’tch fought down exasperation. His curiosity was his own issue. He bade a polite farewell to the cook and skittered out into the main dining hall. By this time the hungry humans had settled down to their various boiled greens, heated meats, and stewed legumes and the main sounds of the room were the grinding of their teeth and the scraping of the chairs on the floor as the massive bipeds shifted. Quilx’tch worked his way along the spider walk that ran around the room examining the few humans in his sight range until he spotted one sitting at a distinctly different angle than the rest. The human was holding a reflective bag and lifting individual chips to his mouth one at a time.
Quilx’tch gave a satisfied click when he saw how close to the wall the human was sitting. He closed the distance between them and called out to the human. The human didn’t seem to notice so Quilx’tch called out the greeting again. The biped glanced around in perplexity before his bifocal eyes rested on Quilx’tch.
“Hey,” the human lifted a potato chip in greeting and his face lit up with a smile.
“Greetings Human Friend,” Quilx’tch said. “I was wondering if you could answer a professional question for me?”
“If I can,” the human said before placing the chip in his mouth and reaching back into the bag only to glance down at it with a look of disappointment in his face.
“The cook stated that you were experiencing an intense craving for potato chips after returning from the day’s work,” Quilx’tch said. “Would you mind sharing what inspired this?”
The human’s face twisted into a rueful grimace as he tapped the open bag against his palm and then licked at the contents that fell out.
“You know the bug samplers?” the human asked.
Quilx’tch had to ponder this a bit but he did remember a discrete tool used in the invertebrate sampling procedure.
“The sealed containers the crew was using to hold the captured invertebrates?” He asked.
“Those are them,” the human said with a tired nod. “We just switched to using them today. Every time, every single time, someone opened one it made that little pop that a sealed bag of chips does.”
“Tough luck for you Pavlov!” the nearest human said with a laugh. “How much did Three Fingered Pete soak you for those.”
The human sent a glare at his companion but returned his attention to Quilx’tch.
“So yeah,” the human continued. “After a day of listening to that sound I just had to have some potato chips.”
“Thank you for the explanation Human Friend Pavlov,” Quilx’tch said.
The other human, and several others burst out laughing at that and even the one he was addressing looked amused.
“My name’s not Pavlov,” the human said. “It’s Bobby. Bobby St. James.”
“Then why did-” Quilx’tch began glancing at the still laughing humans to the side.
“Look,” Human Friend Bobby said getting up, “I’ll explain it after I get some real food if you have the time. That’s a long story.”

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What does it mean when your human friend says “Watch This?”? Why does this simple phrase seem to terrify any alien that has first appendage experience with humans? #HFY #HumansAreWeird #HumansAreSpaceOrcs #EarthIsADeathWorld #EarthIsSpaceAustralia


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