Jess Riley's Blog, page 14

A Few Things

I've been wondering about a few things. First, have you seen the commercials on TV for a new senior singles dating service? NOT ONE of the actors portraying a "senior" is a senior citizen. One woman appears to be twenty-six, with gray paint sprayed onto her blond ponytail. This makes me feel really great about aging.

Second, what's with the SHELLAC in a certain brand of high-fiber bars? Are people demanding that their day begin with a shiny breakfast? I don't typically varnish my waffles, but ...

Snow Daze

We have finally gotten the kind of snow that struts around like it owns the place, holding up traffic and demanding a giant bowl of green M&Ms after the show.

The snowbanks are pretty, but I have been housebound now for TWO DAYS. And you know what this means! Personal hygiene? See you Thursday! My teeth are kind of furry at this point. In college we used to say, "My teeth are wearing little yellow sweaters!"

God, when did I get so gross? And why do I find this acceptable? Maybe A&E needs to do ...

Welcome, Dick Gobbler

Yesterday J's best friend left us a present on our front door:

It's always nice to begin these things with a touch of class, don't you agree?

General updates: if you'd like to do a good deed for the day, vote for the Antigo City Farm "Urban Tree Program" HERE. The proposed project with the most votes wins. (You have to register, but you can vote three times. I always vote three times, so this was right up my alley.)

Next, if you want to watch something quirky and have a soft-spot in your heart ...

Non-stop Glam

This weekend I got to hang out with my adorable nephew, which meant we spent about 40 minutes watching Spongebob Squarepants, half an hour eating peanuts and spinning around (which led to puking for some of us), an hour running up and down the driveway, and about half an hour encouraging the parroting of humorous, non-age-appropriate phrases.
I particularly enjoyed the commercials on the children's television channels these days. Since we usually have the Food Network on (which, if their...

GCC Presents: Marilyn Brant

I am so, so behind on my GCC posts! I have three new books to tell you about, and I'll kick things off with Marilyn Brant, whose debut novel ACCORDING TO JANE was released last month to great fanfare. A Family Circle reviewer called it "charming," and Barnes & Noble Review selected ACCORDING TO JANE for "The Long List" in mid-October, dubbing book "Fresh, original, and lots of fun." (And what a gorgeous cover!)

About the book: It begins one day in sophomore English class, just as Ellie...

One of Those Truly Weird Nights

Is it the cooler fall weather that's making me a sluggish blogger? Is my attention span that short? (Hey, look! A squirrel!) Well, I finally have some new blogworthy material to share with you.

Last night J and I (and my parents) attended a stimulating debate hosted by UW-Oshkosh as part of their ongoing speaker series: The Great Porn Debate...Horny vs. Holy. Ron Jeremy vs. Craig Gross.

I know.

Turnout was incredible, with 200 kids stuffed into an overflow room to watch online. Now, if just the ...

Tick or Teat!

I threw a smallish Halloween party this weekend, which is partially why I have been so quiet lately. I had decorating! I had pumpkin carving! I had savory autumn leaf pies to make, bishes! And let me tell you. Those bastards sucked a chunk from my life that shall never be returned. (They were delicious, but their wee, sassy leaf shapes shall never grace my kitchen again. Because of the time suckage factor.)

An hour before trick-or-treating (and three hours before the first guests were to arriv...

Curiosity Killed The Annoying Bar Patron

I have some bad habits. For example, if someone shows the remotest interest (or if they make the mistake of being a polite listener), I will hold forth on subjects like:
Farm subsidiesGM CornConfined Animal Feeding OperationsWhat a carbon analysis of our hair might revealWait, wait, wait. I need to set the stage for you. Did I mention we've been drinking? And we're at a cheerful bar on Saturday night--a birthday party, more specifically--while I'm delivering a sermon on what too much conventio...

The Giants Win the Penance!

When I was a young girl, I attended Saturday morning CCD classes, all of which were punctuated by mass, and some of which were punctuated by confession. And in that musty, confined space, a sweaty me usually confessed the same laundry list of sins (fighting with my brother and sister, talking back to Mom & Dad, lying about something, putting a recyclable in the general refuse bin, murdering a homeless man and burying his body in the crawl space ...). And was assessed the same penance, nearly ...

Ghost hunting old-school style

First, a correction...that was an eight-pound kohlrabi in my last post. So if you're looking for an eight-pound rutabaga at the local grocery store, you may be shit out of luck.

Mike Birbiglia was hilarious, and I so enjoyed myself that I immediately bought tickets for another upcoming show: David Cross at the Riverside this Saturday. This has all the makings of a comedian bender, so it's a good thing future weekends will be reserved for weddings and other activities.

Such as having the snot sc...