Daniel Darling's Blog, page 65

Why You Can’t Push Kids Into the Kingdom

In a piece for Her.meneutics, Jennifer Grant cautions parents against trying to “bully their kids into belief,” writing: “Between the extremes of bullying our children into faith and neglecting to teach them to pray is a wide expanse.”

I completely agree, and I suspect most parents would too. And yet…in our practice of parenting, we often act as though our child’s relationship with God is all up to us. In my experience as a child of the church, a pastor, and now a father of four, I’ve found most attempts to force faith onto children stem from a misapplication of a favorite parenting verse:

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

At first glance, Proverbs seems to offer an ironclad promise: Raise your children “the right way,” and they will automatically “turn out right.” And who among us hasn’t heard a thousand messages promising just that? We can get “new kids by Friday” if only we apply the right formula.

But here’s the problem. It doesn’t always work. We all know people who were raised in Christian homes yet abandoned the faith in their adult years.

So what happens to Proverbs 22:6? Because we think this sage wisdom is a guarantee from God, we assume that parents of prodigals must have failed somewhere. Racked with guilt, these parents travel back in time through the child-raising years, searching and sleuthing for their big mistakes. And many pastors and counselors are all too willing to help them in this guilt-laden process.

But Proverbs 22:6 was never written to serve as a stand-alone foundation for the biblical model of parenting. It is merely one verse in the entire revelation of God, from Genesis to Revelation.

Furthermore, the common interpretation of Proverbs 22:6 as a promise or doctrine is faulty. Serious Bible students understand that Proverbs, while inspired Scripture, are just that: proverbs. They represent the best collection of the wisdom anywhere in the world. They rise above all other literature, both classical and contemporary.

But the proverbs are not doctrine, and they are not promises.

We don’t apply the other proverbs this way. For instance, Proverbs 15:1 suggests that a soft answer turns away wrath. This is true, the majority of the time. A kind word often diffuses an angry confrontation. But there are also moments when a soft answer will inflame. I’ve had a soft answer land me an uppercut to the jaw. There are precincts in my hometown of Chicago that will reward a soft answer with a gunshot.

Do you see the folly of reinterpreting the Proverbs as promises? To be sure, God does include many wonderful promises in Scripture, promises that are ironclad guarantees that rest on the unchanging character of God.

But Proverbs 22:6 isn’t one of them.

The problem with making this verse the foundation of our parenting is that it tends to move parents away from a biblical, faith-based approach to a humanistic, results-oriented approach.

Putting all the pressure on parents to execute and then blaming only them for failure is both unbiblical and impossible. Unbiblical because it removes the work of God and brings glory to man. Impossible because human parents cannot manufacture what only the Holy Spirit can produce.

We forget that every child is an individual human soul, created with their own accountability before God. Worse, we ignore the work of the Holy Spirit in the shaping of a child’s soul.

So what is the job of a parent? Faithfulness. Parents are given the task of creating a culture of faith that intentionally uses all of life to point their children toward a lifelong relationship with God. We’re to equip them for life.

But the job of conversion and sanctification can only be done by God through the work of the Holy Spirit. Only God can shape the human heart. Too many Christian parenting models operate under the subtle assumption that the life, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ is incidental to parenting. But gospel parenting is more than simply hoping our kids nod in affirmation at the offer of the gospel in Sunday School. Gospel parenting frees us from taking the place of God.

In a gospel paradigm, parents are both evangelists and disciple-makers, continually retelling the story of creation, man’s sin, Jesus’ offer of redemption, and the promise of the Holy Spirit in guiding them toward their God-given purpose. And we earnestly pray with fervent trust, knowing that it is the Father, Son and Holy Ghost who will do the work of both justification and sanctification.

Children are a divine stewardship. They are not for us to own, but for us to love, carefully guide, and then release to God’s provident care. We cannot pressure, bully or force them into faith.

We parent, not with anticipation of some promised outcome, but out of faithfulness to Jesus, leaving the outcome to him.

The Most Anti-Female Practice In the World

Yesterday I interviewed Marian Liatuad, editor of Today’s Christian Woman and Church Law and Tax Report for Christianity Today International. I was excited to interview Marian, because she has fascinating interests. Besides her writing and editing, she’s a marathoner, running to raise money for charity water and she’s an outspoken advocate for the unborn, particularly against sex-selective abortion. She wrote a terrific book, War on Women. 

You’ve written extensively about the practice of sex-selective abortions, calling a ban on them a “no-brainer.” Why don’t you think more feminists are speaking up about this practice?

I called a ban on sex-selective abortions a “no brainer” because at the time I wrote this, there was legislation being floated on Capitol Hill that included language about prohibiting sex-selective abortions. Some argued that this was added to create a lightening rod with the issue. Gendercide (the intentional killing of unborn girls) doesn’t happen commonly in our country, but the U.S. is standing by silently while it happens elsewhere in epidemic proportions. Hardly anyone—feminist or otherwise—is speaking up on this issue. Most alarming—the church is virtually silent on this issue. I wrote War on Women in hopes of lighting a fire in the church to rise up and confront the horrific genocide that’s happening around the world. Sadly, it’s been radio silence. Very disheartening. Feminists are especially silent on the matter, which is ironic consideThe ring their pro-female posture. Sex selective abortion is the most anti-female practice the world has ever known, and yet I know of no feminist who is talking about it. Primarily, this is because to talk about sex-selective abortion is to risk giving up ground hard-won since Roe v. Wade. You can’t talk about gendercide without conceding that at some level and at least in some circumstances abortion must be banned.

Read the rest of the interview here: 

Shaping Minds Thru Fiction – A Conversation With Trevin Wax

I had a chance to interview my good friend, Trevin Wax about his brand-new book, Clear Winter Nights. Trevin is one of my favorite bloggers and authors. He’s also the managing editor of The Gospel Project curriculum from Lifeway, a fantastic tool that I highly recommend churches use for all ages.

In this video conversation, I talk to Trevin about his foray into fiction and how the power of story and conversation can help shape both hearts and minds.

 

5 Things to Consider Before Rebuking a Christian Celebrity

The new online world has flattened leadership. Most of the time this is good, leading to increased accountability among leaders and allowing undiscovered talent to rise based on the thoughtfulness of their work. But there is a downside to the world of web publishing, particularly when it comes to those called to teach and lead in the Christian community. Criticism comes easier, with the click of a “send” button on variety of media tools, you can “call out” Christians with whom you disagree. But I would argue that a few rules should guide our online rebukes. Here are five questions I try to ask myself before writing about someone or something:

1) Do you have all the facts? 

Proverbs 18:3 seems wise counsel in this social media age: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” We mock news organizations when, in their rush to break news, get the details wrong. But when Christians do this, either on Twitter or in their blogs, by pushing out accusations against people they either a) don’t know or b) don’t know except from afar, they look foolish, not only to thAll Usersose who do know all the facts, but in the sight of God.

We should be wary, really wary, about writing about, acting on, publishing information based on hearsay, half-truths, etc. We shouldn’t simply read headlines and react to them. We should read the whole story and know the whole truth before opining. Now, once the story is out, there is a place for winsome, thoughtful critique of other believers. But we have to guard against our carnal desire to believe the worst about people with whom we disagree, which violates the law of love (1 Corinthians 13:7). Knowing this, we should not comment unless we have all the facts.

2) Am I the best person to write about it? 

Just because I’m a blogger and I have a Twitter account doesn’t mean I’m the best person to opine on someone else’s poor choices. There is a carnal pride in being “the one who took down so and so”, but this is not the spirit of Christ. I’m not saying we should have thoughtful, sober, robust engagement with ideas we consider unbiblical. What we believe matters. And if God has given us a gift of writing, speaking, and teaching, we should employ those wisely for the good of His Church. But each of us must know his place.

There have been controversies about which I’ve had opinions, but I’ve not felt I was the best or most qualified person to write on them. There are others with more respected voices, whose platforms cry out for a response. Sometimes its better to admit, “I’m not the best one to write on this.” Sometimes its wiser to simply retweet or link to someone who might be more thoughtful and biblical, whose experience and proximity to the situation is deeper than my own.

3) What are my motives here? 

Let’s be honest here: controversy sells and many in the church are willing to sacrifice unity for a few more clicks. There are some topics that are like catnip for bloggers. But we have to ask ourselves this question: what is my motive? Am I building a platform on the mistakes and foibles of others? Am I a Christian tabloid, trafficking in all the stories that will make people click? Is my ministry, over the long haul, building up the body of Christ or tearing it down? Note: this doesn’t mean everything we write has to be toothless mush. There is a needed place for robust, deep, theological reflection. There is a place for warning the body of Christ about aberrant theologies that can shipwreck souls. But before we write any piece, we should ask ourselves, “Am I doing this out of genuine concern for my fellow brothers and sisters in the Lord or am I doing this to increase my platform, to create controversy to help sell books, build traffic, etc?”

I haven’t always done this well, but God is teaching me to steward my words well. I can think of two instances in the last six months where I was deeply convicted by the Spirit of God to not publish something out of impure motives.

4) What’s my tone? 

There is such a gotcha mentality among some precincts of the Christian blogosphere. There are some who thrive on the misfortunes of others, ready to pounce on the smallest infraction. Ready to expose the falleness of the leaders they despise. I’m not defending anybody or anyone here. Some leaders have made mistakes that they should answer for. Some eschew accountability and have created protective bubbles that keep them from genuine shepherding. But there is also a tone of nastiness among some, an elevated sense of self among some bloggers and writers and sadly, even Christian journalists, that looks for the smallest character flaws through which they can ram their Titanic agendas.

There is a place for winsome, public rebuke. But it should be done with tears, not with glee. 1 Corinthians 13:6 says that love doesn’t “rejoice in inequity.” We could all do better with our tone. We could do without the sort of snarky, arrogant put-downs found so often online among God’s people. We should remember that at the very least, the person with whom we disagree was made in the image of God and very likely is a brother or sister in the Lord knit to out souls by the blood-bought sacrifice by Jesus at Calvary. We need to understand that there is a way to be right about an issue and yet a way to sin in the way we deliver the truth. Humility is the oil of human relationships.

5) If this was ready publicly in 25 years, would it make me blush with embarrassment? 

This last one is a hard one, because those of us who have spent our adult lives putting words together have work we hope nobody ever sees. We even have published pieces that, in hindsight, we wonder what in the world we were thinking. But, as we are composing that blog post or that article, especially ones we know will be controversial, we should ask ourselves: “Am I giving this my best effort?” “Will I read this in a few years and be embarrassed about it?”

I’m not simply talking about the quality of writing, but of the people about whom I wrote. Will what I write damage relationships? Is what I wrote fair? Is what I wrote kind and loving? Is what I wrote even true?

Bottom Line: The bottom line for all of us is that we should heed the words of James 1:19: “Let every man be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

 

The false gospel of cynicism

Today, at the ERLC blog, I talk about the mandate for joy in Philippines 4:8:

Yet Paul, without denying the misery of life in a fallen world, seems to say to followers of Jesus everywhere: “In light of what we have in Christ, let’s think on these things: truth, honor, justice, purity, loveliness, what is commendable and what is praiseworthy.”

In other words, let’s not focus solely on the evil in the world. Let’s not live as negative, apocalyptic reactionaries. There is time for lament, certainly. But given that we know the Man of Sorrows who has borne our grief, let’s train our minds to glimpse the beautiful, the unbroken, the rays of heaven’s sunshine upon the earth and the people Jesus is redeeming.

Paul could say this, not because he was a Pollyanna escaping reality, but because he had a greater grasp of reality than anyone who lived. A reality that says while yes, the world is broken, a man from Galilee lived, died, rose again and is now the rightful King. A new Kingdom has dawned, and light has broken in the darkness. There is a city coming whose builder and maker is God (Heb. 11:10).

Paul’s words don’t simply give us permission to smile when things are upside-down. They are a mandate to rejoice in the often barely perceptible pinpricks of grace that penetrate our canvas of evil. So let’s, without guilt:

Rejoice in the stunning hues of a sunset.

Be enraptured by the beautiful laughter of our children.

Appreciate the best artistic expressions, regardless of their source.

Enjoy our favorite sporting events.

Pursue deep friendships.

Feel the grain a well-crafted piece of furniture.

Treasure every intimate moment with our spouses.

Laugh at good jokes.

Cry at the moments that catch our breath.

Allow the best music to flow through our ears into the deepest part of our hearts.

We can do these things, even in a world of suffering, heartache and toil. Not because we are ignorant of evil, but because we are part of his story of redemption, renewal and grace. We can do all these things to the glory of God. Why? Because anything beautiful or lovely or good can catapult our hearts into worship of the creator who made it.

Every time your child laughs and gives you joy, you can silently worship God, the giver of good gifts. And you can do this with a delicious meal, a glorious soundtrack, a delightful conversation, or anything that brings you wholesome pleasure. You can do this because every glimpse of beauty is a reflection of the one who is beautiful.

Read the whole thing here:

Jesus and the Digital Pharisees

It’s kind of ridiculous to ask, “What if Jesus were on Twitter?” But indulge me for a second, anyways. I’ve noticed something about our generation’s engagement online and with those we consider “Christian celebrities” – famous pastors or church leaders who have big platforms. There’s a tendency among those of us who blog, tweet, write, post, instagram, etc toward a subtle kind of Phariseeism. Our generation prides itself on not being legalistic, of casting off the sort of religious, rule-making paradigm we didn’t quite like about our parent’s version of church. But in our zeal to not be like those we think are bad representations of Christianity, we’ve adopted a legalism of a different sort.

In Luke 18, Jesus shares a haunting parable about who is justified in the eyes of God. I’m struck by a few things in this passage. First, Luke gives us a vague description of the audience.  The NIV puts it like this: “To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else.” I”m guessing everyone in the audience thought that they were not in this self-righteous group. It was everyone else who needed to work on their pride.

Jesus then sets up a story of two people going to the temple to pray, a common occurrence in that culture. You first have the religious person, the spiritual one, who enters a time of prayer with pride. He wants to be seen as being prayerful and utters a public declaration, “I thank God I’m not like . . . . .” The people he names are people held in contempt by the culture, people who are “safe” to mock for their sin. Easy targets of ridicule and scorn. These are the people we might mock on Twitter and seek to distance ourselves from with heated denunciations or humorous take-downs. You can even envision the hashtags from this Pharisee’s prayer: #robber #evildoer #adulterer. Then the Pharisee, wanting to squeeze out every bit of public praise, narrows his focus to “and even this guy, the tax collector.” Here he is calling out the other man to enter the temple to pray, the guy with the worst reputation in the community, the easy target for manufactured outrage and public scorn. You can even envision this in a tweet, “So glad I”m not like @taxcollector who preys on the poor and betrays his own people.”

But Jesus, poking holes in the self-righteousness of the Pharisee, turns the narrative focus on the tax collector, who enters the temple, head down, full of remorse. Unlike the Pharisee he has no illusions of his own righteousness. He’s overcome with guilt and sorrow for his sin. He knows he doesn’t deserve anything from God but punishment and so cries out in mercy, even beats his breast.

This man, Jesus said, walked out more justified than the Pharisee. Why? Because it wasn’t others’ sin that so gripped his heart and soul, it was his own.

Now most of us would hear a story like that and shout “amen!” because we don’t think we’re the first guy, the self-righteous Pharisee. Those are the people with all the funky religious rules and weird clothes. Those are the fundamentalists of another generation or the obnoxious guy on Facebook who doesn’t celebrate Halloween or the celebrity pastor who keeps saying dumb things.

But I think Jesus would beg to differ. Remember he addressed this parable to “some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else.” That cuts both ways. What’s more, if the tax collector in Jesus’ day was the easy target, the hated person in the culture, the one that reasonable, middle-of-the-road, kinda spiritual people are free to mock, then maybe it’s us who are the Pharisees.

Jesus words to the Pharisees of his day and to the Pharisees of our day is simple: “For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted,” (Luke 18:14). Empty, vacuous declarations of self-righteousness bounce off the ceiling. But desperate, humble cries for mercy and grace reach the throne room of Heaven.

Today, social media is our “public temple” in a way. It’s where we declare who we are and what we stand for, for better or for worse. And I’m afraid we’re so quick to make sure everyone knows that we’re “not like that other guy who keeps getting it wrong.” You might substitute “obnoxious celebrity pastor” or “outrageous Hollywood entertainer” or “corrupt congressman” for tax collector. Our generation of Christians seems too eager to “not be like those other kind of Christians.” We all think we are among the most reasonable people we know.

In our lurching attempts to not be Pharisees, we become Pharisees of a different stripe. But Jesus’ words to the self-justified should haunt us and then drive us to our knees in humility and cries for mercy. These may not be the stylish prayers of the digital world. But they are the prayers Jesus seems to answer.

Your Family is Not a Problem to Be Solved

 In a symposium published by The Guardian, novelist Richard Ford was asked to deliver his best advice to aspiring writers. Forgive me for quibbling with the wisdom of a celebrated muse, but I was offended by his first two pieces of advice: 1) Marry somebody you love and who thinks you being a writer’s a good idea; 2) Don’t have children.

In Ford’s view, marriage is only useful insomuch as it furthers personal aims and children are optional nuisances to be avoided, if possible. Marriage is merely instrumental instead of aspirational. I’m not sure if Ford’s advice was meant as tongue-in-cheek, but it reflects the utilitarian and the flaccid attitude toward the family in our time. As if the rigors of family life are an impediment to selfish career aims.

It would be easy to dismiss this kind of logic as the liberal worldview of the elite—and in some measure it does reflect the sort of utopian, family planning ideology of many academic precincts—but the seeds are part of a larger conflict that dates back to the Garden of Eden.

After all, it was the wily serpent who convinced Eve that to live out her existence as God’s image-bearer was to lead a less-fulfilled, less noble life. It became all about her aims to know more, to be more, to carve out a self-directed life apart from God.

This lie that leads to death is at the heart of Satan’s long war against God. To consider children and family life a nuisance to be avoided rather than a gift to be stewarded is the seed that leads to modern evils like abortion, euthanasia, human trafficking and other violations of human decency. We take the inherent worth of the imago dei and subject it to material gain or personal fulfillment. We become individualists, viewing each other not as a unique soul created in God’s image, but a product to be consumed at our leisure. Darwinian convenience is a direct assault on God’s ordered creation and therefore an assault on God himself.

But lest followers of Christ think this kind of utilitarianism is restricted to the airy halls of Berkley or the Ivy Leagues, we must be careful to resist imbibing the idea that family life is somehow a lesser accomplishment than career.

I’ve had more than one conversation with a Christian parent whose greatest fear was not that their son would leave the faith while in college, but would find a girl and get married, thwarting his viability for graduate school and beyond. I’ve heard the drip of condescension of some who view with pity the stay at home mom, as if she’s given up the best of her life to do the lesser task of raising her children. And I’ve battled the temptation to consider my role as father less important than the title on my business card.

To be sure, family life is a sacrifice of blood, sweat, tears and treasure. There are many parts of parenthood that are less than glamorous. Homework assignments, late-night bouts of the flu, consistent discipline—these are not warm and fuzzy moments that make the photo album. And yet if we were to be honest, our lives would be less fulfilled and lack a certain, unquantifiable richness  without the deep well of family life. I can’t imagine my life and my career without the steadying influence of my wife and the gradual sanctification God has allowed in me through fatherhood. Frankly, my writing and speaking career ascended only after I got married and started having kids. You might say that this was just coincidental, a maturity that comes with age. But those who know me best would strenuously disagree. Marriage and fatherhood settles men by forcing their concentration toward their most immediate context: their family. Where the wellspring of manhood bends outward instead of inward toward his family, we produce a society that reaps what it sows—immature men whose sexual appetites are as untrained and unfocused.

When we diminish marriage and family life, whether with Richard Ford’s intentional swipes or by our subtle lifestyle choices, we err in two ways. First, we acquiesce to the enemy’s ruthless attack on God. To diminish human dignity, in any form, is to snuff out the image of God. Marriage is an illustration of the intimacy between Christ and His church and a window into the eternal fellowship of the Trinity.

And secondly, we, like Eve, accept the lie that what God has designed is inferior to what we could design on our own. We would do well to repeatedly remind ourselves that Jesus came to restore us to the fruitful joy stolen by the enemy in the Garden (John 10:10).

Getting Free by Pursuing Jesus

Chances are you have seen Jefferson Bettke’s viral video: “Why I Hate Religion But Love Jesus” which has now been viewed almost 27 million times. A lot of has happened in Jefferson’s life since the release of that spoken word video. God has given him a great platform to share the gospel in unique and powerful ways. He is out with a new book, Jesus>Religion. I had the chance to interview Jefferson for my weekly blog at Leadership Journal’s Out of Ur. I asked him about one of the subjects of his public speaking ministry: the grip of pornography on young men:

Pornography has been a subject of much of your public speaking. How can the gospel free young men from porn’s grip?

The good news of Jesus is that he has brought new creation right here in the midst of the old one. The kingdom is near as he says and that means his rule, his reign, a place of beauty, and shalom is right next to us. Because of this Jesus and new creation are more beautiful than anything we can imagine. So we don’t have to white knuckle our behavior modification, but apply effort and discipline under the banner of grace knowing that going towards Rev. 21 is a lot more beautiful place and brings depth and richness into our life. The good news is that Jesus bore all the evil, shame, guilt, hurt, on the cross for us so we are free and getting free is a matter of leaning in on that truth and pursuing Jesus.

Read the rest of the interview with Jefferson Bettke here: 

The horrible social costs of gambling

I’ll never forget the one time I visited Las Vegas. I was in town for a wedding and was awed by the amazing architecture. It seemed to me, at the time, that no expense was spared by the developers. But while Christians can admire the beautiful architecture of Vegas, we must admit that there is tremendous social cost to the seemingly innocent vice called gambling. When I was a pastor, I saw first-hand who the gambling industry preys on: the poor. Sure you have your high-stakes wealthy who drop lots of money, but mountains of social research have documented the troubling social costs of gambling. Really the only ones who win, when a casino comes into your town, are the business-owners and the local governments. And sadly, those local governments end up paying out more in social benefits over the long haul. Families, the poor, and communities suffer greatly.

Recently, the Institute for American Values has released a report titled, “Why Casinos Matter.” My ERLC colleague, Joe Carter, has put some of the best of this info in an article “9 things you should know about casinos and gambling.” He also created a handy infographic that I’ve pasted in below. If you are interested in speaking on this topic in your church or community group, this would be a great resource:

 

The courage to be civil

Today, on the ERLC blog, I continue my series on civility and courage:

How do Christians navigate the tension of civility and courage?It’s easy to grow discouraged by the way we often get it wrong, but rather than embracing cynicism, we should do our part to model civility through engagement, humility and prayer.

In an interview with Christianity Today, ERLC president Russell Moore said: “I hope to speak with convictional kindness. I hope to speak of a holistic vision of human dignity and human flourishing rooted in the kingdom of God—and to do so in a way that is grounded always in the gospel. I don’t view people who disagree with me as my enemies or my opponents. I hope to speak with civility and with kindness and in dialogue with people with whom I disagree.”

We can’t stop every instance of incivility, but we can begin by setting a good example for our friends, family and anyone in our sphere of influence. I’m particularly sobered by the way my own children watch the way I engage issues and the words I use when talking about public figures. What am I teaching them about respect and dignity? Extending this out to our social networks, churches, community groups and small groups, let’s use our platforms, however big, to demonstrate a gospel-centered approach to truth-telling.

Read the whole article here: