Daniel Darling's Blog, page 80

5 Things Love Isn’t

Perhaps there is nothing the human heart craves more than true love. We are wired to love and be loved. The problem is that we don’t actually understand what love really is. We get all kinds of definitions from the culture and from our own feelings.

In fact, I think it’s helpful to think a little bit, not about what love is but what love isn’t. So here are five things love isn’t:

1) Love Isn’t Having Someone Fulfill All My Fanciful Dreams  

When we think about the love between a husband and wife, we often think of that “soulmate”, that person who just magically fits into all the areas I need and will make my life better. These expectations, which we carry into marriage, do more to derail relationships than anything else.But this is really humanistic thinking. It views the other person as a benefactor that must meet all of my needs. But God didn’t purpose marriage for my own fulfillment, but as an opportunity for me to a) display His glory b) grow in character and grace by adjusting, sacrificing, and loving another and c) fulfill the mandate by establishing another generation of godly offspring. And here’s a secret of marriage that I’m still figuring out after ten years: my dreams are petty compared to God’s dreams for me. When I hold them loosely and allow God to shape them (by giving me a spouse who bumps up against my desires), I discover a joy and fulfillment I would not have found on my own.

2) Love is Loving the Person I Expect Someone to Be 

This follows closely on the lie of expectations, that I only experience love when someone is everything I expect them to be. A wife gets married, not to a fallen sinner who needs grace, but to an idea of what she thinks this man might be to her. He’s the composite of all the princess movies, romance novels, and stored up dreams. But after the honeymoon is over, she meets another man, the sloppy guy who leaves his underwear on the floor, stays up too late playing video games, and sometimes buys boats without asking her. A husband gets married to a perfectly shaped beautiful goddess, whose every word is inspiring and motivates him to greater heights, who will satisfy his basic needs in every way. Then he gets home from the honeymoon and finds another woman in his home. This girl has occasional mood swings, yells at him for the smallest things like leaving his underwear on the floor, and she often burns the meatloaf. So then the husband and the wife have a choice. They can manipulate their mates into being what they need them to be, spark a lot of useless arguments and friction, and ultimately choose divorce. Or, they can confess their idolatry, realize their own brokeness, and recognize that love is about loving all the parts of those we are supposed to love, even the areas we really don’t like. It’s loving on those days when you don’t want to and loving the person you see before you, not the person who wish or hope they can be.

3) Love is always saying nice, but meaningless things, to each other. 

Love is action as we’ve said. Love is a committment. Which means sometimes we must speak the truth in love. This is not to be confused with tearing down, hurting, destroying someone’s soul for the sake of our own selfish gratification (see 1 and 2 above). This is the love that has the courage to tell someone when they are seriously going down a wrong path. The is the kind of love Jesus demonstrated with his disciples, when he repeatedly corrected their wrong ideas. We have this idea of love that it overlooks sin and that just sort of winks at poor life choices. Ahh, but love is not this way. If you truly love someone, especially someone you are married to your called to care for, you will gently, in the right timing, powered by the Spirit of God, communicate the loving truth. And you will receive correction as an act of love from another. In marriage this means you sometimes hear the hard, but true words of a spouse and take them as God’s loving act of discipline on your soul, shaping you into the character of Christ. I will tell you that this is never my first response to rebuke from Angela. But it should be. And often later the Spirit whispers to my soul, “You know, she’s right and if she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t have said what she said.” Then I have to go back to her and say, “I’m sorry. You’re right. Forgive me. I’ll work on that.” I have to say that after ten years, the person I credit with most of my spiritual growth is my wife. Marriage can and should be a discipleship relationship, provided both are committed to following Christ. As one of my favorite authors, Gary Thomas, says ,”God’s desire in marriage isn’t to make us happy, but to make us holy.”

4) Love Isn’t Conditional On Good Times

Bad times actually test your love, especially in marriage. They reveal our hidden idols. So, for instance, when money gets tight, this is usually a trigger for an epic argument. It’s easy to blame the other person. If she didn’t spend all that money on shoes, we’d be able to pay the electric bill. or If he had a better-paying job, we wouldn’t be in this mess. or If only he’d step up and do the budget, it wouldn’t be so hard on me. or, If she would just be happy with what we have. Or perhaps its trouble with a child. Again, we blame: If he’d get off the iPhone and pay attention, our kid wouldn’t act out so much. or If she’d just loosen up, maybe the kid would respond better. or, If he’d get home at a decent hour. or If she’d stop worrying so much about the house. 

You see what happens. Hard times bring all of our hidden anxieties and insecurities to the surface. The idolatry of financial security. To be financially secure is a good and worthy and biblical goal. But hard times come and threaten that. So if financial security is your idol, when it’s ripped away, you’ll kick and scream and do damage to your relationship. The idolatry of a well-adjusted family. Again, well-behaving kids in a safe, harmonious house is a good and worthy and biblical goal. But it’s a poor idol. And when this is ripped away for a season, if this is the altar at which we worship, we’ll kick, scream, and do damage to our relationships.

The point of all this is this: we think love would flourish if only our circumstances were better. If we had a bit more money, if the kids wouldn’t misbehave so much. But the truth is that real love, lasting, deep, abiding love grows during times of duress. But this only happens if you put Christ at your center and give up on the small, petty dreams and realize God is active in the midst of your hardship, to bring about His glory. Trials can be a catalyst for deeper marital love. They have for Angela and I. We wouldn’t want to repeat any of the terrible things we’ve faced, but we can both look back and say this cemented our love and commitment to each other.

 5) Love Isn’t Found Elsewhere

When you’re in a bad season of marriage, brought on by strife, difficulty, tragedy, it’s temping to think you’d be happier elsewhere. But real love is only found in renewing your commitment to each other in marriage. Love says, “I’m here for the duration. I’m committed. I’m going no where else.” Love is actually living out what we stood and said on our wedding day: “In sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, as long as we both shall live.” Love is not saying, “As long as he has a job. As long as we have a house. As long as she our kids our healthy. As long as she doesn’t get sick.”

And here’s the secret: when you are absolutely, 100% committed to each other, it makes it easier to work out your differences. Why? Because you’re forced to. You’ve got no other option. And so each of you must give, bend, sacrifice. You must commit to grow, change, and serve. Now, to be clear: your willpower and commitment to stay alone won’t give you a great marriage. You need gospel of Christ which initiates the cycle of confession, repentance, and forgiveness. But I would argue that the gospel is the very catalyst that keeps you committed, because you realize you are in marriage for way more than your own expectations and self-fulfillment.

Friday Five: Jeremy Roberts

I’m so pumped to interview Jeremy Roberts. Dr. Jeremy Roberts, 28, is the Pastor of Highland Park Baptist Church in Chattanooga, TN.  Previously, he pastored in Tennessee and Texas.  Dr. Roberts served as Adjunct Professor at Criswell College, Dallas, TX and Liberty University, Lynchburg, VA.  Dr. Roberts served on staff with the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention and the Southern Baptist Conservatives of Virginia.  Additionally, he has also served as personal assistant and intern to influential leaders such as Dr. Jack Graham, Prestonwood Baptist Church, Plano, TX; Dr. Ronnie Floyd, Cross Church, Northwest, AR; and Dr. Jay Strack, Student Leadership University, Orlando, FL.

Jeremy earned his Master of Divinity (MDiv) from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth, TX and a his Bachelor of Science (BS), Master of Arts (MA), and Doctor of Ministry (DMin) from Liberty University where he served as President of the student body.  Jeremy was born in Atlanta and raised in both Dallas and Virginia Beach.  His wife, the former Charity Hope Crisp, is a native of Knoxville, who earned a Bachelor of Science in Nursing (BSN) from Union University in Jackson, TN.  They have one daughter, Autumn Faith, born February 18, 2011.

You’ve recently become senior pastor of a historic, traditional Baptist Church. Do you feel pressure in that position–and how would you counsel a young pastor going into a similar situation? 

Yes, Highland Park Baptist Church (HPBC) is an historic downtown congregation.  I absolutely feel pressure serving as senior pastor of this flock. The church is one that is in the midst of transition demographically, methodologically, and pastorally.

The pressure I feel primarily stems from the fact that the church has seen better days and had one pastor, in particular, who was a giant in the history of Christendom.  His name was Dr. Lee Roberson.  Dr. Roberson led HPBC to grow from a few hundred in average attendance to a church with an average of 10,000+ in average weekly attendance, became the first American multisite church, began Tennessee Temple University, started a 100-acre youth camp (Camp Joy), and began a radio station.  All of his vision still looms over our campus although he retired before I was even born.  Unfortunately, our church is merely a shadow of what we once were (in terms of size), but we’re seeing a turnaround.

In addition to all of the importance of making sure one’s relationship with the Lord and their family is where it needs to be, I would counsel a young pastor going into a similar situation to do a number of things:

 A)   Read The First 90 Days by Harvard’s Michael Watkins.  In your first three months as pastor, go into it with a clear plan to begin your pastorate with intentionality.  You can read my 90-day-plan at HPBC here.

B)   Try to meet with every age group in the church fairly quickly.  Hear their thoughts.  Let them talk.

C)  Determine to plant your ministry there.  Fight through the issues.

D)  Begin the process to clarify the vision God will give you.  Tell the church you are seeking God’s vision, and ask them to pray for it.

E)   Stick with the basics of pastoring, especially at first.  Preach the Gospel. Build relationships.  Be patient.

F)   Lead with the 5 A’s: Assignment (give expectations), Authority (give people authority to accomplish their jobs), Accountable, Assess (make sure the right people are in the right positions), and Applaud (praise and reward people)

 You’ve pastored and served in an academic setting. Seems like there are differing callings and skill sets for both. Is that true? 

I have pastored full-time, taught full-time, and now pastor a church with a university.  So, now my ministry is a hybrid of both academia and pastoring, with a greater emphasis on pastoring.  Are there different callings for this?  I believe my calling is to preach.  I can preach if I’m pastoring or serving in academia.

Yes, there are definitely skill sets for both.  There are some professors I know who would serve as lousy pastors, and vice-versa.  The skill sets for academia involve more study and fundraising.  The skill sets for pastoring require more relational skills.  Both are political and require vision and administrative acumen.

I noticed that you’ve served under some well-known pastors, such as Dr. Jack Graham and Dr. Ronnie Floyd. What did you learn from those internships? 

Serving under Drs. Graham and Floyd were amazing opportunities.  The two men are very different types of leaders, but both are extremely effective.  I learned a lot about administration, preaching, leadership, time management, and multisite strategies.

You and I are considered “millennials.” Much has been written and said about our generation of believers. What would you say is different about millennials and their approach to faith? 

Thom Rainer could say a lot more about this than I since he wrote the book on it—literally.  Probably the biggest difference in their approach to faith hinges on a desire to see genuineness about life change over buildings, budgets, and bodies in the seats.

If you could give one piece of advice to a young pastor, what would that be? 

My one piece of advice is for any pastor of any age: stay close and clean. Johnny Hunt says this at all of his conferences, and it always hits home to me. If we stay close to the Lord and clean (pure), we will go a long way in being effective for God’s Kingdom.

Free First Chapter of Real

My publisher has graciously made available, for download, the first chapter of Real, Owning Your Christian Faith. You can download it here:

Here are a few of the nice things people have said about the book:

“Daniel Darling knows that faith cannot be inherited; it must be owned. In REAL, he shows us exactly how to develop an organic and authentic faith. This compact but powerful book will revitalize the spiritually bored and burned out by helping them glimpse Jesus in fresh ways.”

Jonathan Merritt is the author of A Faith of Our Own: Following Jesus Beyond the Culture Wars

“Second generation faith can be a little like next day pizza—cold, stale, and tough to swallow. Darling’s book is for those weary of subsisting on spiritual leftovers. He understands the sometimes stultifying effect of the evangelical subculture on spirituality and sees what it takes to thrive as a second generation Christian. The writing here is lively and the reflections—interspersed with interviews with top ministry thinkers—are fresh. The perfect read to send fresh wind through your spiritual life.”

Drew Dyck is the managing editor of Leadership Journal and author of Generation Ex-Christian: Why young adults are leaving the faith…and how to bring them back (Moody).

You can read more endorsements and reviews here:

And then, if you really like it, you can order the book (available in print, Kindle, Nook, and Stone Tablet (just kidding))

Max Lucado on the Presidential Election

I so enjoyed Max Lucado’s recent message on the election. To sum it up: don’t freak out, God is in charge. This is a biblical challenge to all of us. Take time to view it:

What Is Your Thing?

As a pastor I meet a lot of interesting Christians. I have people who attend my church, people who call or stop by to promote their ministry in our church, and/or people who send me information via email or mail. The common theme is that every Christian seems to have a “thing.” That is to say the one theme of their life and their advocacy.

For instance, there are those whose specialty is defending Genesis. For others it’s Christian political activism. There are outreaches and emphases on Jewish ministry, men’s ministry, Christian education, eschatology, and a host of other specific niches. Pastors get hit with appeals for these on an almost weekly basis.

In one sense, I love this because it demonstrates how God has uniquely gifted and called individual Christians and ministries. Their laser-like focus helps educate and edify God’s people. For the busy pastor, who sees the whole church, having speakers or curriculum or small group studies can help sharpen the faith of this people.

And yet sometimes I see an unhealthy imbalance where your emphasis becomes your “thing.” Let me explain. I’ve had conversations with people passionate about science around Genesis. I find this compelling and I’m in agreement with the view that Genesis describes a literal six-day creation. I enjoy hearing from smart scientists who defend this view. But an emphasis or a calling to this field can easily become a “thing” that seems to drive everything about a person’s life. And rather than Jesus becoming their animating theme, defending against evolutionists is their animating theme. Every conversation, every concern in the church, every social ill must become a debate about origins. I think this is unhealthy.

I”m not just picking on creationists here. I’m just using this as an example. I see this in every other specialty. And this can happen with any particular focus of Christian ministry. Where what we are most passionate about becomes less the gospel and more our pet “thing.”

It’s unhealthy on a number of levels. First, what was a good interest and a worthy calling can become a source of conflict with other believers. When the gospel animates us, then we are humbled enough to work toward unity in our local body of believers and in the body worldwide. But when our pet “thing” animates us, we become argumentative, looking always for opportunities to prove how right we are. Secondly, I think the enemy is okay with us focusing on a “thing” rather than focusing on Jesus and using our gifts and talents, ultimately, to build God’s church through evangelism. Third, an unhealthy imbalance divides people into categories and suddenly we don’t see the unchurched as objects of God’s love in need of the gospel, but people on the wrong side of an issue. And we don’t see brothers and sisters who disagree with us people we should love, but people who we must win over to our view of things.

Unhealthy imbalance can also create a culture, in the home or the church, where the gospel is actually not the main thing we’re concerned with passing to the next generation. Teens sniff this out right away. They quickly get what we are most passionate about. If this is not the gospel, the “faith” once delivered to all saints” (Jude 1:3), they may reject our faith. Because our faith in Jesus is the only thing contagious enough to be “caught” by the next generation.

I guess what I’m saying is this: everyone has a “thing”, a special calling or emphasis they feel is important to ministry. But this must always be surrendered to the larger “thing” which is the call to live and share the gospel with those who are far from Jesus.

At the end of my life, I don’t want it said that what drove me most was that I believed in a six-day creation or that was a dispensationalist or that I was a political conservative. I want it said that I loved Jesus, that I faithfully taught His Word, and that I loved those God has called me to love. That’s what I want most to drive me.

Friday Five: Charles Drew

Charles D. Drew, M.Div. has pastored for thirty years in Virginia, Long Island, and New York, all in university settings. He presently serves as the senior minister of Emmanuel Presbyterian Church, which he founded in 2000 near Columbia University. He speaks frequently to university and churches and is the author of An Ancient Love Song and A Journey Worth Taking. He and his wife Jean have two married children and two grandchildren.

It is his most recent book, however, that arrested my attention.  Body Broken discusses the impact of political partisanship on the Church. Charles was kind enough to stop by today, for The Friday Five:



 How can Christians be actively involved in shaping the culture (especially their representative government) without falling prey to the hyper-partisanship that shapes our discourse? 

A number of things help here.  The first is to define ‘public life’ more broadly than ‘political life.’ As long as we think that the only way to be a public Christian is to do battle in the political sphere, we will for the most part be frustrated and angry—for few of us ever acquire much political power, and, what is more, power politics is much less powerful than we think.  But the moment we broaden our definition, the anger and hyper-partisanship drop a notch or two, for we begin to discover that there is always something that we can do to make the world a better place.  It might be through political praying, through journalism, through the arts, through making public virtue attractive by our own example.  The list goes on.

The second thing that helps is to make some distinctions, namely, (1) between theocracy and influence, (2) between moral principle and political strategy, and (3) between the calling of the individual and the calling of the church.

Take the first distinction, a distincti0n that hyper-partisanship often blurs.  Theocracies identify a particular political group (a nation, a party) with the will of God and seek to advance God’s will by force.  Ancient Israel was a theocracy in this sense.  But theocracy in this sense is behind us, for Jesus reigns over all nations and groups.  What is more, he aims to rule the heart, calling for a level of voluntary allegiance that a theocracy in the older sense could never pull off.  Sadly, Christians still often tend to think about America theocratically—and this is a mistake.  It feeds hyper-partisanship—the tendencies to demonize those who oppose us and to use underhanded or ungracious means to put things right (since, after all, we are fighting for God).  Christians should, rather, think in terms of influence, not theocracy.  Influence is harder to identify, and it calls for patience not only with ‘the opposition’ but with each other.  Influence does not necessarily pay obvious dividends.   But that is OK, since Christians do not enter public life to win (Christ is in charge of winning).  They enter public life to serve, come what may.  We can live with ambiguity and small returns since Christ and Christ alone will make all things right in the end.

Take now the second distinction—between moral principle and political strategy.  Hyper partisans tend to blur this distinction as well, giving a political strategy the same value as a moral principle.  Moral principles are grand behavioral truths that the church must teach and model.  The Ten Commandments give us a great summary: We may not, for example, kill, or bear false witness, or steal, or covet, or take God’s name in vain.  These all have bearing upon public behavior and they must be proclaimed as such. But the moment the church moves from saying, “Do not kill (unborn children)” and “do not steal” to advocating particular strategies for reducing/ending abortions and particular strategies for reducing theft, the church enters the area of fallible human solutions involving human consciences.  Hyper-partisanship elevates such human solutions to the level of divine law—and this must not happen in the church, for such an elevation binds consciences where the Bible does not bind them.  To put the matter another way, the church has a dual obligation in these important matters: (1) to declare God’s law and (2) to guard the consciences of all its members so that no member feels like a second class citizen because he chooses to advance God’s moral law in one way but not in another.

The third distinction is between the calling of the Christian and the calling of the church.  Hyper-partisans often confuse these two callings—assuming that their burden is God’s burden (which is why they become ‘hyper’) and therefore rightly the burden of the church.  But God makes a distinction here.  He calls individual Christians to many types of public involvement depending on training, gifts, and opportunity.  But he calls the church more narrowly—namely to pray for his kingdom to come and to make disciples of the nations (which includes caring for the weak in the name of Jesus).   When a hyper-partisan spirit invades the church, it not only divides her, but it also distracts her from the business God has given her to do.  There is a great irony here.  Hyper partisans get hyper because they deeply want to change things for the better.  But when they draw the church away from prayer and disciple-making (things that the church alone is equipped to do), they deprive the world of the two things that change it most profoundly

  It seems many conflate civility with compromise. But they’re not the same, are they? 

Civility could be a mask for compromise.  But this is not at all necessarily so.

 Properly motivated civility is an expression of a number of things that the Bible teaches and values.  (1) First, there is Jesus’ command to treat others as we would want to be treated—with respect.  Jesus disagreed profoundly with the Pharisees, but when Nicodemus came to see him (John 3), Jesus received him with courtesy.  (2) Civility expresses humility—an acknowledgement that I might not be right, or completely right, about whatever is at issue.  And who among us can ever be sure that he is completely right?  We all ‘see through a glass darkly’, we all have ‘logs in our own eyes.’  The people who agree with us politically are likely to share our blindness and so we are less likely to learn from them than we are to learn from those who come at things from a different angle.   But we will not learn from those who think differently if we are rude and refuse to listen courteously to what they have to say.

Theologians teach “common grace”—the notion that truth ‘pops up’ in unexpected places.  They also teach ‘total depravity’—which means that sin and lies ‘pop up’ everywhere as well—even among the ‘good guys’ (the group we like to see ourselves belonging to).   We would all do well to learn from James 3:13-18

13  Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

 Some believe pastors need to “stand up” more, but don’t they mean to simply echo partisan talking points? 

 Of course pastors need to ‘stand up’ for the truth.  They are ordained to preach the Word and if they do not do this they should leave the ministry.  But what, more precisely, is the word that they are to preach?  It is the gospel of Christ, the great fact that God has fulfilled every promise and every command in his Son, that he has given his Son in substitutionary atonement so that we may be reconciled to him and to one another and, by the power of his Spirit, set on a new trajectory by which the law is fulfilled in us by faith.  Any “standing up” that obscures this message by ordering the life of the church around partisan issues is a failure of NT pastoral calling.  As Paul put it, “Woe is me if I preach not the gospel.”

 This does not mean that a pastor may not speak out on the pressing moral issues of our time—marriage, abortion, violence, greed, war, to name a few.  But it does mean that he   must take care not to speak out on them in such a way as to mandate a particular strategy for nudging the culture into greater conformity to the standards of God in those areas.  When, for example, he mandates for his flock one particular strategy for improving the state of marriage in America, he endorses not God’s law on marriage but man’s law.  And man’s laws are always imperfect.

The pastor as individual citizen can think and act in whatever ways his conscience dictates.  But the pastor as preacher—as prophet speaking from the pulpit—has the dual obligation of (1) declaring God’s law (as fulfilled in Christ) and (2) protecting his people from their consciences being made prisoner to human laws.

 How does a Christian model Christ-like temperament in a world of talk radio, cable news, social networking, blogs? 

Christians will hold firmly but with humility to their convictions, knowing that they may be wrong, and thankful that they themselves do not have to win for good to triumph.

They will listen carefully, they will be unafraid and therefore patient, and they will moderate their language, refusing to pigeonhole people or positions, refusing to demonize the opposition, admitting with humility that the truth pops up everywhere.  They will be on the lookout for common ground, seeing themselves as servants of the common good not only with regard to the issue at hand but with respect to the relationships between the people who disagree.  They will position themselves as servants, not winners.

Back of all this behavior will be faith, hope, and love:  (1) faith that God loves them and will take care of them no matter what happens to them or to America, (2) hope that God will one day vindicate the rule of Jesus and along with that, all that is good and beautiful and true (we represent Christ, but we do not have accomplish what he alone will one day accomplish), and (3) the love that chooses, like Christ, to serve and care without strings attached, and without the need ourselves to win or be vindicated.

At heart, Christians will follow in Jesus’ footsteps by heeding Jesus’ command to “deny themselves and take up their cross.”  They will, like Jesus, fully enter the world as its friend, letting go of their need to win, seeking instead to serve.  If they suffer for doing so, then so be it.  If Christ suffered and ‘failed’, then why shouldn’t we?

If you could give one piece of advice to a Christian in this political season, what would it be? 

I have two pieces of advice.

First, identify and repent of political idols in yourself.  An idol is a God substitute—anything that we find it hard to live without.  In political life we easily fall prey to idolatry—whether it is a vision for America of which we have become too fond, or a particular candidate or party or piece of legislation upon which we have become too dependent, or a freedom that has become too precious to us (many of us just want to be left alone—whether it is regarding taxes or gun possession or our sex lives).  Political anger is often evidence of idols being threatened—and we would do well to search our hearts, for God hates idols.

Second, get together for a serious conversation with a Christian who disagrees with you politically.  Talk through your differences in an unhurried setting, aiming as you do so to listen carefully to him and to look for common ground.  As you interact distinguish between moral principles and political strategies in your own mind and help him to make that distinction in his.  If you can find common ground make a plan to take some action together.  In any event end by praying for each other and for the advancement of what is good and right in our country.

Chick-fil-A and the Mosque

There has been so much written, said, posted, and preached about Chick-fil-A, most of which occurred while I was out of the country, missing the entire phenomenon. As I watched the pictures of people lining up to support Chick-fil-A and as I read the way the media slanted the story, I was struck by two things: the loyalty many Americans have to this very good, well-run, admirable American business and the tendency on the left to demonize those with whom they disagree. The charge of bigotry is too loosely employed.

But, for Christians, I think this is an important moment. I sense that most Americans who went to Chick-fil-A on Appreciation Day did so, not necessarily out of support for traditional marriage values, but to support the right of a businesses owner to express his views and not suffer retribution from the government. Freedom of religion, of speech is a vital aspect of the American experiment. It was not a demonstration of hate against homosexuals. There were even many Christians who decided to use this as an opportunity to make friends with those in the gay community as a way of showing the love of Christ.

But there is an aspect of this that I’m not sure many Christians are thinking through. If Chick-Fil-A is a moment where Christians stand up and say, “boycotts are wrong” and more importantly, “freedom of religion matters,” then we need to ask ourselves if we’re being consistent.

For instance, in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, there is a lot of controversy over the building of a mosque. Many Christians in that area oppose it and implore the federal government to disallow it. It looks as if their attempts will be in vain and the mosque will open. There was similar uproar when a mosque was proposed near Ground Zero in New York City.

I’m not sure if the anti-mosque Christians in Tennessee are pro-Chick-fil-A or not, but this is a moment for Christians to pause and consider the consistency of our message and the real cultural battles worth waging.I think the real battle is for religious freedom. Will we have a society that allows us to express our religious views without fear of retribution? It is my view that Christians should actively fight for this. But we must not only fight for the right of Chick-fil-A to open for business in places like Boston, Chicago, and elsewhere, but we should fight for the rights of Muslims or any other religious group to worship freely.

I don’t think we realize that when we push the government to shut down a religion we don’t like, we’re also giving them the power to do the same thing to a religion we do like. I believe, as do most evangelicals, that Christianity is the truth and that all other religions are false paths to God. But I believe that those other religions, however false, should have the right to express themselves freely in our society. I also believe that the gospel is more powerful than a mosque and that God is not threatened by the presence of other religions. We should win the argument, not with the force of government power, but by the strength of our arguments, by the testimony of our changed lives, and ultimately, by the moving of the Spirit in the hearts of those who don’t yet know Jesus.

In other words, if we fight for the rights of the Muslims to build a mosque today, we’re also fighting for the rights of Bible-believing churches to preach the gospel, however culturally unacceptable, tomorrow. We’re fighting for Christians businessmen like Dan Cathy to express his views on marriage.

This is the very freedom that many around the world don’t enjoy. This is the freedom that brought the Pilgrims to our shores hundreds of years ago. This is the freedom that made America unique.

Whether its Chick-Fil-A or a mosque in Murfreesboro, I think religious freedom is a fight worth waging.

Reflections on Europe

Last Thursday I returned from an eleven-day trip to Eastern Europe. The main purpose of my trip was to attend the wedding of my brother, Tim, and his lovely bride, Anetta. But I also had a second purpose, to visit with the Rice Family, our missionaries to Slovakia.

It was a magnificent trip, one whose memories will stay with me for a lifetime. And so, having finally cleared all the jetlagged fog from my brain, I’d like to share some reflections:

Some Serious Reflections:

There is a wide sweep of history in Europe that you just can’t get in America. I love America and am proud to be a citizen. I think our story is unique in human history. But, let’s be honest here. We have nothing in our country quite like the history in Europe. Thousand-year old castles, historic, beautiful, ancient churches. Identity rooted in thousands of years of history. I loved walking down the city streets in places like Krakow and Budapest and Bratislavia and taking in the old buildings, the historic architecture, and the camera-ready shots at every intersection. I thoroughly enjoyed walking the town square of Krakow, touring the vast and beautiful city of Budapest, and climbing Bratislavia’s Navi Most bridge and viewing Slovakia, Hungary, and Austria.
Europe is different than the Europe we envision as Americans. Granted, I’m not suddenly Rick Steves. I visited three European capitals out of many. But . . . in American we typically disparage Europe as old, indebted, liberal, sensual, pacififist–whatever. Some of those lablels might be true, but the caricature didn’t quite fit. At least where I was, I found thriving cities and people with the same wants and needs and desires as Americans. For one thing, at least where I was, there was no hatred for Americans. There was appreciation. And I found that the people who live in Europe seem to want the same things all humans long for: peace, prosperity, a good job, a stable family.
In Poland, where I spent the majority of my time, there is a certain rootedness in faith and family. Poland has only enjoyed freedom and independence since 1989. For most of the 20th Century, they were victims of two equally evil regimes that swept across Europe: Naziism and Communism. Both Hitler and Stalin committed unspeakable evils against the good Polish people. It was only until 1989 that they threw off the chains of tyranny, birthed by the Solidarity movement led by Lech Walensa and championed by Pope John Paul and Ronald Reagan. Poland was just one of many dominoes that fell across Europe, ultimately leading to the downfall of Communism. But unlike some other previously communist countries, Poland has handled its freedom well, boasting one of the most robust economies. Even in the current Europe crisis, Poland’s economy is ticking right along. Much of the credit is given to the embrace of free-market principles, but you can also point to Poland’s strong culture of family and faith. As an evangelical, I have significant theological differences with Catholicism, but I can’t help but admire how the Catholic Church has held Poland together. It does reaffirm the idea that culture matters in a country. There is an admirable ethic among the Poles that values hard work, strong families, and faith. You see it in the communities that are held together generation upon generation.
You can’t underestimate the evil of both Nazism and Communism. Both Hungary and Slovakia were helpless countries battered by both Hitler and Stalin. We unfortunately didn’t have time to tour Auschwitz or the Schindler Museum in Krakow, but I was able to tour the House of Terror in Budapest. This building was first a central station for the Nazi’s as they arrested, tortured, and killed many Hungarian Jews. Over 600,000 Jews were killed from Hungary alone. This was a house of terror, a place were the apex of evil was carried out on innocent people. The tour included video testimonies of survivors and relics saved from that era. When the Soviets “liberated” Hungary from the Nazi’s, they ironically used this same building as a station to carry out very similar acts. The Soviets were no liberators. Though ideological opposites, they were just as brutal to the Hungarians, indiscriminately killing, displacing, and pillaging. The Soviets preached the beauty of the state, a sort of sameness that killed individualism. People were cogs in their wheel, disposable and lifeless. This soul-less, lifeless style of government ravaged much of Europe for many decades. It was a sober reminder of the danger of absolute power, totalitarian leadership, and an “ends-justifies-the-means” approach. As an American, it gave me a great sense of pride to know that we helped liberate Europe from the Nazis and we hastened the fall of communism. In downtown Budapest, there is a tribute to Ronald Reagan, thanking him for his tireless work in defeating communism.
There is something interesting about being an evangelical in Europe. In America, it’s still pretty acceptable to be an evangelical. Christians are kind of “cool” here. We have bumper stickers and t-shirts, and other such stuff. We almost have a “cultural” evangelicalism. In Europe, no such thing exists. Evangelicals are rare and the Church is pretty small. But in a way, there is a greater sense of mission and purpose for those who serve there. There is none of the cultural baggage of American evangelicalism. And I sense that pastors and missionaries have a more clarified purpose: preach the Word, love their neighbors, build the church
God gave me a great love for Europe. The last few years I’ve prayed that God would give me a love for a particular mission field. I believe that love is now for Europe, especially Eastern Europe. These countries, finally finding freedom and independence from years of oppression and tyranny, now have an opportunity to rise. I’m thrilled to see countries like Hungary and Poland doing well. But I also think there is a great opportunity for gospel penetration here. I sense that the younger generations might be open to biblical Christianity. I have no way of knowing that, other than just getting that sense. Many evangelicals like to point to Europe as spiritually “dead” or unreachable. But in talking to missionaries over there, I sense that there is a great opportunity for revival in Eastern Europe. I pray for this. With their infrastructure, perhaps the big cities in Europe could be hubs for gospel proclamation. I hope churches sieze the day and “flood the zone” with missionaries, church planters, and others.

Some Lighter Reflections:

I liked the food of Europe. I purposely only ate one American thing while in Europe: a “McFarm” from McDonalds. It was an interesting sausage sandwich. But mostly I ate the local fair and loved it. Seems meat and potatoes are a staple here. I’m not sure why, but I like it. As a bonus, must of the meat is breaded and fried. I guess it’s okay because in Europe you walk a lot, so it sort of balances out the carbs and calories.I also love the coffee and tea of Europe. I love outdoor cafes
Europe definitely has the best airports. These are the airports I passed through: Helsinki, Finland, Budapest, Hungary, Krakow, Poland, Warsaw, Poland, Vienna, Austria. I was impressed at how nice each of these airports were. They were clean, the people were friendly, and there was great restaurants. Each of them also had special play areas for kids. I’ve never seen that in a U.S. Airport. Also, there seemed to be less of a hustle/rush aspect in Europe. But maybe that was just me.
Two luxuries I really missed from the States: Air conditioning and ice. I’m sitting now in my basement office, loving the ice-cold air-conditioning. In Europe, there is little A/C. It don’t think it’s because people can’t afford it, it’s just that A/C doesn’t seem as important to them as us. Also, it’s hard to find ice for your drinks. So call me a spoiled American, but I like those two luxuries.
I rarely used my cell-phone, but when I did it was clearer than here in the states. Go figure, but the one call I had to make home was at 11:30 at night in downtown Krakow to Lake County, IL. And I had perfectly clear reception. (It also cost me $10-ouch!).
There is wifi nearly everywhere in Europe, even on city streets. I liked this. I was able to check email, etc with my iPhone.

5 Ways We Lie in Advancing the Truth

Christians are supposed be about the truth. We are to proclaim the truth, live the truth, and love the truth. But sometimes, in advancing the truth, we tell ourselves lies.  In other words, there is a way to actually hold a biblical position on an issue and sin in the way we make the argument. Here are five common ways:

1) We conflate principled activism with vitriolic words.

How often have you prolonged an argument with your wife, knowing you are right in substance? How has that worked out for you? Likely you did serious damage to your relationship. This plays out in every kind of relationship, whether it’s family, business, and in the culture. Most often I see this in the political arena. Simply having  the right, biblical views doesn’t excuse us from Christ-exalting speech. Paul reminds us that the weapons of our warfare are not “carnal” (2 Corinthians 10:4). For followers of Christ, it’s not enough to be on the right side of an issue. We must also honor God with the way we make our arguments. Colossians 4:6 says we should let our speech be always with grace. Even on Facebook. Even when talking about someone with whom we disagree.

2) We assume we’re the only “true” believers 

When you’re passionate about a particular issue, whether it’s a cultural and moral issue or a theological issue, it can seem like you’re standing alone. Sometimes you may be the only one, but usually that’s a deceptive lie of the enemy. I think of Elijah in 1 Kings 19. He was convinced he was the only one in Israel who cared about the wickedness and idolatry of the monarch. But he wasn’t. God reminded him that there were 7,000 other true believers. This lie, that we’re the only ones, can be especially destructive. It can lead us to distrust anyone and everyone. It can destroy friendships because we see enemies even in friends who may not completely agree with our methodology. I’ve seen this in churches, in civic activities, in politics. But all this does is create a Messiah complex, burns bridges with would-be allies, and hurts the cause we are championing.

3) We justify treating others around us poorly. 

Being on the right side of an issue, adhering to a proper theological position, and a heartbeat for evangelism is often used as a cover for poor and ungodly leadership styles. But as much as the New Testament affirms proper doctrine, it informs loving treatment of our fellow man. In fact, our understanding of the gospel should make us more inclined to treat others well, not less. “Getting results” is not the goal of leadership, according to Jesus. Servanthood is (Matthew 20:25). And in every single list for spiritual leadership, you will see words like “gentleness” “not a brawler”, “kind.” (1 Timothy 3:1-13; Titus 1:5-9). Look at the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness (Galatians 5:22-23). Sadly, even many Christian leadership models would consider these as weaknesses. Leaders have to remind themselves that the work they are doing God doesn’t exempt them from becoming a spirit-filled man of God. Nobody is so valuable to the Kingdom that He is justified in being a tyrant.

4) We think it’s okay to ignore our families.

This one hits home to me. It’s easy to get so caught up in the work of God, that we ignore our families. Finding the balance isn’t that easy, but we must never forget that our families are our first ministry. The family was the first institution God ordained, thousands of years before He began the Church. I’m amazed, though, how easy it is for us to justify cheating the family to serve God, as if the family and the church are in competition. They are not. Churches need healthy cultures where key leaders feel okay to tend to their families without being made to feel like they are abandoning God’s mission.

5) We fight with the wrong weapons

Lot of the lies we tell ourselves in advancing the truth come from bad theology. We assume that God has put on this earth to do all His work, by ourselves and without His power. But that’s impossible. We tell ourselves that we are the only ones, we have to resort to worldly tactics, we have to abandon our families–because the mission of God is so important. A sense of holy, gospel urgency is important, but God never leads us to do something contrary to His Word. And in His Word we are told that we are engaged in spiritual warfare, that without God’s power, we’ll be able to do “nothing.” Oh, we’ll make a lot of noise, but we’ll do nothing of value to the Kingdom. Our most potent weapons are not mailing lists or technological advancements or cutting edge strategies. Our  greatest weapon is the Holy Spirit, God in us. We’re most powerful when we are on our knees in prayer, storming the gates of Heaven for God’s divine blessing and mercy. The enemy minds little if we’re advancing truth, as long as we believe his lie that we can do this ourselves.