Susan Scott's Blog, page 62

3 Ways to Take the Scare Out of Your Conversations

Think of a conversation that you need to have that scares you. Perhaps it is a conversation with your boss about something she is doing that is not helpful. Or a conversation with a peer about what you are noticing that is not working for him. Or taking it home, perhaps it is a conversation with your spouse or family member to discuss something that you do not feel the other is willing to talk about.Ok, do you have a conversation in mind? Does the thought of this conversation make you want to evaporate? Or run out the door? Or go on vacation? If so, that’s a good sign. These are the conversations I am talking about.I do understand the fear. There are legitimate reasons to be scared about having these conversations. Some people do not react well when confronted, regardless of how eloquent and thoughtful you are. Sometimes, certain discussions are not career-enhancing, depending on your colleagues and boss. These are realities.What is equally a reality is that the cost of not having the conversation is much greater than the risk of it going badly. No one will die in this process. And your mental health and wellbeing are at stake here. These needed conversations weigh you down. You know this. Science tells you this. We all know this, yet we justify our way into carrying unneeded weight around.So, here are three tips to overcome the scary nature of some exchanges: Embrace the nervous energy. One of my prior bosses once told me that the butterflies you feel before a tough conversation are an indication of how much you care about the person. I like to think of it that way; put a positive spin on it. Ultimately, if you don’t care about a relationship or a person, you wouldn’t bother having the conversation. So come to terms with the way you feel and expect some nervousness. See it as a good sign instead of wanting to flee.Prepare accordingly. Whether it is a feedback or confrontation conversation, preparation is key for having the conversation align with your intention. Here at fierce we teach the preparation piece for various conversations, and oftentimes, people tell us that it is our magic. The goal is to make your conversations authentic and drive the results you want. So, prepare by scanning some of the tips from this blog. Set aside some unadulterated time to focus and think through the conversation. Take some notes. Practice with someone. Many conversations do not go the way we want them to, because we are not clear and direct. Once you have done some preparation, find a friend or partner to practice with. Ask the person how they felt with your delivery. Ask for feedback. It is not necessary to do a role play situation, but rather, use the practice time as an opportunity to make sure you are not laying blame or using inflammatory language that could trigger just about anyone. These tips definitely can help you stay focused. Ultimately, though, you are the one that has to make the choice to have the conversation. And for your own sake, I really hope you do. You have more to gain than you can imagine.Do you have any tips for our audience about dealing with fear around conversations?

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Fierce Tip of the Week: Engage with Halloween Spirit

In the United States this week, Halloween will be celebrated with activities like pumpkin carving and dressing up in costumes. And for many (including myself), eating more candy this week than I do all year.Yes, those things may seem juvenile or trivial. So, why should we celebrate Halloween at work? Well it can be great to be pushed in new ways, to act silly, and to not take ourselves so seriously. Doing new activities together as a team allows everyone to learn new things about each other.If you buy into that notion at all, regardless of your role, suggest participating in festive activities with your colleagues. It is not just management’s responsibility to engage. It lives with all of us.In fact, a group of Fiercelings created time for pumpkin carving a couple years ago, and it was an absolute blast mixed with brand pride (hence our fierce pumpkin above). We have some things up our sleeves this year too!So it is your turn now. This week’s tip is to be festive at work and embrace the Halloween spirit. Some ideas are:Host a costume contestHold a vote for best scary storyDecorate your spaceHold a pumpkin carving contestOrganize trick-or-treating at your office for employees’ children What are you going to do? And if you are dressing up, please do share your costume pictures.

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Fierce Resource: The 4 Pillars of Better Leadership

This week’s Fierce resource was originally published on Entrepreneur and outlines concrete steps leaders can take to improve their leadership skills.Whether you are an aspiring leader or currently managing a high performing team, you should constantly be reflecting and improving on your leadership skills. The 4 Pillars of Better Leadership recommends starting with taking care of your employees.As a leader, your most important asset is your employees. Great leaders understand that happy and productive employees need more than just their intrinsic needs meet. Employees need to feel they are supported on an emotional level as well. This means taking the time to enrich your relationship on a personal level with each of your team members.When was the last time you asked how your employees were doing?“A good leader doesn’t lead from behind a desk or an email account. A good leader leads from the front, interacting with staff, holding them accountable, making sure they know they’re valued and by paying attention to detail.”Read the article.

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Meet Our October Fierceling of the Month: Katy Dozier

Here at Fierce, we honor a person once a month with the coveted title of Fierceling of the Month. The qualification for a Fierceling is someone who has been nominated by peers for exceptionally exhibiting the fierce values and the 7 principles of our work. There are some great internal perks including choosing your favorite restaurant to catering a company-wide lunch. Each month, I look forward to interviewing these amazing people.This month, I had the honor to connect with Katy Dozier.Why did you come to work here? It seemed like a fun atmosphere to join and grow in.What are some responsibilities for your role? Everything from contracts, billing, workshop logistics, printing and inventory management and vendor accounts payable.What’s the coolest thing you are currently working on? Getting a new hire up to speed in my department.What is your favorite thing about working at Fierce? The people, both internally and externally. They’re fun, creative and incredibly nice.When you’re not at Fierce, what are you most likely doing? Reading, reading and more reading. I’m a book worm.What fierce principle are you working on this month? Let Silence Do The Heavy Lifting. It’s the one I continuously come back to. I try and fill silence with myself as well as others. Trying to be still and wait is a challenge.What inspires you? Challenge, in every aspect. I’m most competitive with myself and encountering any sort of challenge lights me up and gets me going.What else do you want to ask Katy? Tweet @fierce_inc #fiercelingofthemonth to ask any other questions.

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Fierce Tip of the Week: Celebrate a Leader in Your Life

Woodrow Wilson said, “You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you forget the errand.”Think of the leaders in your life. The ones that push you and stretch you in new ways. Who do you have in your life that enables you to live with greater vision?Have you said thank you to any of them lately? With our go-go culture, it can be difficult to take the time to celebrate. On top of that, it can be easy to think that the acknowledgment is not needed, or that the person already knows what you would say.But trust me, it is always a good time to pause and share appreciation. When I think of the leaders in my life, I think about one I grew up with. My dad was an Admiral in the Navy, and after his 28 years of service, he still has so many people in his life that would follow him to the ends of the earth – without incentive or acknowledgment. He has impacted their lives in such a substantial way, that they feel forever connected. And he continues to have the same impact now that he is in the private sector. I think most of us strive to enrich people’s lives in the way he has. I’m so grateful for the example.This week’s tip is to celebrate a leader in your life, in a meaningful way. It could be in person, on the phone, or through a different form. It matters more that you do it, than how you do it.I would love to learn about leaders in your life. Who are you going to celebrate this week?

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Fierce Resource: A Simple Formula for Changing Our Behavior

This week’s Fierce resource was originally published on Harvard Business Review and identifies the common communication mistakes that are holding your team back.Think back to the last time you tried to give a team member constructive feedback. How did it go? For most of us, it usually ends with someone walking away frustrated, angry, or disappointed. With such a predictable outcome, it’s no wonder some managers throw in the towel and relegate feedback to a dreaded yearly event.Yet, studies consistently show that employees want and value feedback. So, where is the disconnect happening? It starts with the way we approach the feedback conversation. Instead of letting our emotions rule the conversation, A Simple Formula for Changing Our Behavior recommends delivering constructive feedback in three steps. Identify the problem. State what needs to happen. Offer Help.Why is change so hard?“Learning — by definition — will always feel inauthentic. Practicing a new behavior, showing up in a new way, or acting differently, feels inauthentic. Changing a dance that’s been danced many times before will never feel natural. It will feel awkward, fake, like pretending. The hedge fund manager was angry, the CEO was annoyed. Not expressing those emotions feels fake.”Read the article.

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The “How Does This Affect Me” Conversation

If your organization is undergoing a major change, like a new CEO for example, know that a common question running through the minds of your entire company is: How does this affect me?Of course anytime there is variation within an organization, this question is front and center. It can be even scarier with the change of a senior leader. Why? Because it is all about the relationship, and a new leader means that an important relationship within your organization is unknown. This fear, if prolonged, can lead to less productivity and disengagement.The key to managing change  in leadership is providing space for conversations.Often new leaders focus their time and energy on the bottom line by having all the conversations about strategy, vision, and ROI. While these are all very important topics and deserving of those resources, if your employees feel like they don’t know what type of leader you are. They will be less committed.How you have the conversations with those inside your organization will differ depending on the size and location of the company. However, whether you’re the new CEO of a company of 50 or 50,000, the same rule applies: the conversation is the relationship.There’s only one true way to answer your employees question about how your leadership will affect them and that’s by talking about it.

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Fierce Tip of the Week: Deal with Your Frustrations…Now

Today is International Moment of Frustration Day. I had never heard of this day before, but what a great opportunity for us all to kick our frustrations out the door. Admit it… we all need a little nudging about this at times.When I worked in commercial real estate, I once had a team member who continually described his frustrations – from our sales strategy to the quality of our office coffee. Our whole team knew many of his frustrations; actually, they jokingly recited them at times. Until one day our team leader told him to quit his complaining or leave (there were a few more expletives in there). Much to our surprise, my teammate apologized to all of us. He said he appreciated the wakeup call. He didn’t really even understand the effects it was having on his team…let alone him.Could this be you? Or someone around you? When frustrations fester in the workplace, it is really unhealthy. In corporate America, we sometimes call these frustrations the elephant in the room. That thing that we know and feel compelled to not talk about, because the consequences may not be “pleasant”. At Fierce, we call them Mokitas. And we don’t want them near us, so we have to talk and deal with what bothers/scares/surprises us.This week’s tip is to deal with your frustrations in a constructive way. There are many ways to deal with your frustrations from reflection to seeking help to just letting it go. No matter what you choose, your goal should be to end your week with a lighter load than you started with.The longer you hang out with your frustrations, they more they are not going to serve you. They need to be dealt with. And if you really get this, do it now. No more excuses.

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Fierce Resource: How Women Can Show Passion at Work Without Seeming “Emotional”

This week’s Fierce resource was originally published on Harvard Business Review and explores why women are often labeled “too emotional” in the workplace.Even with gender equality initiatives, women are still underrepresented in most senior leadership positions across corporate America. Women account for less than 5% of Fortune 500 CEOs, less than 15% of executive officers at those companies, and only 6% of partners in venture capital firms.Why does gender imbalance still exist?It’s partially due to the way women are misinterpreted at work. According to How Women Can Show Passion at Work Without Seeming “Emotional”, certain gender biases lead to women being labeled “too emotional” in the workplace. Studies have shown that when women passionately argue against the consensus, their male colleagues view them as “emotional” rather than credible.How do we make sure communication isn’t lost in translation?“Combining passion with logic, specificity, creativity, and experience can be more effective than relying on passion alone. If some colleagues, male or female, don’t respond to passionate appeals, they may respond more favorably to a different tactic. In addition, the versatility signals that you are in control of your emotions and able to switch gears in order to effectively make a point.”Read the article.

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Advice to Young Girls

While thinking about this blog, I turned to the best source for advice to young girls – other young girls who are happy and thriving – so I asked my granddaughters and the daughters of one of our leaders here at Fierce what advice they would give a freshman girl in high school.Clara, 15: “Do not judge someone until you know them well enough, talk to as many people as possible, wear things that make you love your body and make you feel beautiful, attend as many sports games as you can, join clubs or sports, go to homecoming because there are only 4 in your life! Don’t be afraid to ask your teachers questions if you are confused, be nice to everyone.”Maizy, 17: “Be nice. To everyone. People aren’t as scary as you imagine and making someone’s day is so worth it. I would agree with Clara on joining sports/clubs. It’s a great way to make new friends, immerse yourself in something that keeps you grounded throughout high school, and to meet upper classmen who can answer questions and help mentor/guide you. Do your homework and respect your teachers! As a senior, you’ll have to ask for teacher recommendation letters for college applications and it’s a lot easier if you have a bunch of teachers who like you to choose from ;). Cheesy, but be yourself and love it. Experiment – find things you like, things you don’t, find yourself. And don’t worry if you aren’t totally sure of yourself your first year of high school. I’m a senior and just now beginning to be comfortable with myself/figure myself out! But there will always be someone who will appreciate you for you; I don’t know anyone at my high school who doesn’t have friends.”Teagan, 17 & Kira, 14: “Trust your instincts about people and situations. If you feel good in your friends’ company, it most likely means they treat you well. If you feel uncomfortable or bad when you interact with your friends, it is most likely not you, but them. Hang out with people who treat you well. Get help when you need it. Don’t be afraid to ask adults for help. Your counselors at school are there to support you! Don’t be afraid to be weird. Hang out with people who get you and appreciate your weirdness. Don’t do something you don’t want to do just because someone else thinks it’s a good idea or will be fun. Don’t let someone pressure you. Find something you love to do and pour your heart into it. You don’t have to have it all figured out. The journey lasts a lifetime. Enjoy it!I will add: Navigate your life one conversation at a time. You already are, whether you realize it or not. Your time in school, your eventual career, your relationships and your life will succeed or fail, gradually then suddenly, one conversation at a time.

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