Geoff Nelder's Blog, page 9
November 9, 2017
5* Reviews and more
[image error]Wow, an outstanding and astounding review from that old favourite SFF magazine Amazing Stories for XAGHRA’S REVENGE. http://amazingstoriesmag.com/…/xhagras-revenge-geoff-nelder/
The same day as I read this review I saw this good one on Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R3JNFJFKE93SG3/ref=pe_1572281_66412651_cm_rv_eml_rv0_rv
Please, if you’ve read Xaghra’s Revenge, consider scribbling a short review for it for Amazon or Goodreads or both. Thanks.
Note to McAfee virus protector. This is the only virus checker that throws up an issue with my website. We don’t know why and they can’t tell me. Norton, AVG, Microsoft Essentials and all the other checkers say this website is clean. Get your act together McAfee and stop frightening your users without reason.
Extra blurb
The day has come for revenge. Is revenge sweet? Find out how 5000 islanders were abducted in 1551 and what are the repercussions today. Follow two modern lovers who discover their heritage.
A rare insight into Libya, past and present.
How the tiny, beautiful Mediterranean island of Gozo, with one of the oldest buildings in the world, might be the centre of the spiritual world.
How a harem in Constantinople treated slave girls and how some rebelled.
#FREE with Kindle Unlimited and available to buy
Kindle http://myBook.to/Xaghra
Paperback: http://hyperurl.co/y953ga
The post 5* Reviews and more appeared first on Geoff Nelder - Science Fiction Writer.
November 3, 2017
A ROAR from Mark Iles
JUST this last week, Mark Iles, a friend of mine had another science fiction novel released by Solstice Publishing. I am delighted to be part of a blog tour to promote his scintillating books.[image error]
ROAR OF LIONS is book three in your Darkening Stars series and I’ve had the pleasure of following the story from the beginning. It is military science fiction, but loaded with rich characters, making your stories an enriching experience for any reader.
Mark, I have a few questions if you don’t mind, followed by an excerpt to whet and wet our appetites for the full story.
Q1) Military science fiction has always found a following, often with readers with no personal experience of the armed services. Do you think they are sublimating inner violence through their reading and so become peaceful citizens? Or, in other words, why do you think military SF is so popular?
I know that a lot of service people go into creative crafts, be it writing, sculpture, painting or whatever. They’ve experienced a lot and can put this into their work, also you write what you know and so they often write about war.
Q2) Do you regard science fiction as a way to escape the confines in mind and body of this planet? If so how far can we stretch our imagination?
The imagination is a fantastic tool and look at the inventions that have sprung from science fiction, the list is endless. Without scifi we wouldn’t be attempting to escape the boundaries of our world, something that’s become a ‘must’ for the human race to survive. We even have the basics of an ‘EM’ Drive, something was thought impossible, and it’s about to be tested in space. There’s an engine that could theoretically open up the universe to mankind.
Q3) In my opinion it is a mistake to use alien names that are impossible to pronounce (says the author of Xaghra’s Revenge – hah). Eg Vrusk in Star Trek, Tc’a in C J Cherryhr’s Chanur. What is your view of alien names for human readers?
Alien names are a given, we can’t have someone from Alpha Centuri for instance, called Burt – unless as a nickname. I enjoy alien names, and also humanities take on them, how they’re shortened or changed to ones we can pronounce. I find it unlikely we’d be able to pronounce an alien’s name, or perhaps even hear it – depending on what communications they use, and while on that subject would they even have names? If they communicated via telepathy, they could use colours or a mental image Names are a human attribute, and we automatically assume others will have the same, quite an interesting avenue of thought. Incidentally, C J Cherryh was one of my favourite writers when I was growing up, and she still is. A remarkable lady indeed.
Blurb for ROAR OF LIONS
The ForeRunners have destroyed one of Capulet’s cities, and the joint Lenar-Human search teams are needed to root out the enemy. But when the empathic Lenars refuse to work without Selena Dillon and her team of commandos, they soon find themselves back on Capulet in an uneasy alliance with the planetary administration and in a race against time to stop the enemy from destroying other cities.
Throughout the galaxy billions are dying as the war spreads. Despite her fear that the alien Manta and their allies will turn against them, Selena needs to truly unite the Alliance of Worlds and find a way to destroy the ForeRunners before it’s too late.
Selena knows there’s no more running, and that sooner or later there will be a final reckoning between herself and the queen. But even if they survive that long she needs to discover who will stand with her, and who against her, in this final confrontation with the tyrannical monarch.
Excerpt from ROAR OF LIONS – brand new publication folks!
“Come now, Commander, we have far more important things to discuss than past grievances.” Her eyes glittered. “You heard about the destruction of Ephesus? That city had a population of over one million people, including troops and off-worlders. When Admiral Van Pluy informed me he was sending you back, one has to admit I was a tad miffed, but I realised that if anyone can stop this destruction from happening again, it’s you. Do your job, that’s all I ask.”
“And what about afterwards?” Selena asked, calmly. “When all the bad guys have gone. What should I expect, a knife in the back one dark and stormy night, an assassin’s bullet, poison, or perhaps imprisonment for life?”
To Selena’s surprise, the Queen’s lips thinned even further.
“As far as I’m concerned, Commander, I just want you to sort this issue out and get the hell off my planet. I’m sending someone by the name of Jennings to see you. He’ll be there shortly. You’ll find him most useful. I’m sure we’ll speak again soon, but until then be careful. I’d hate for anything unpleasant to happen to you.”
With that chilling ending the screen snapped off.
“Wonderful,” Selena muttered. She took a moment to close her eyes and breathe deeply, focusing on the moment, the scent of flowers and the soft touch of the wind on her skin through the open window. “I hate that damn woman,” she said, the thought intruding and expressing itself automatically. Best to say no more, no doubt her minions were listening to each word and watching every movement via various monitoring devices, no matter where she was.
End of excerpt.
The link for the first excerpt is in this blog https://abfunkhauser.com/2017/11/02/mark-iles-roars-with-book-3-in-scifi-series-darkening-stars/
The second blog day from K.A.Meng is here https://www.kamengauthor.com/single-post/2017/11/03/New-Release-Roar-of-Lions-by-Mark-Iles
Buy and enjoy Links
[image error]A Pride of Lions: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pride-Lions-Darkening-Stars/dp/149425445X/
[image error]The Cull of Lions: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Cull-Lions-Darkening-Stars/dp/162526089X/
Roar of Lions: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Roar-Lions-Darkening-Stars-Book-ebook/dp/B076ZVQGX1/
Falling from Grace & Others: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Falling-Grace-Others-Mark-Iles-ebook/dp/B00OYV3CHE/
Mark’s Bio[image error]
Mark’s short stories have been published in Back Brain Recluse, Dream, New Moon, Haunts, Kalkion, Screaming Dreams, and the anthologies Write to Fight, Escape Velocity, Auguries and Monk Punk. With over forty years’ experience in the martial arts and a 9th Degree Black Belt in Taekwondo, he’s written features for the magazines Combat, Taekwondo & Korean Martial Arts, Fighters, Junk, Martial Arts Illustrated, profwritingacademy.com and calmzone.net. He also runs a writer’s group for the British Science Fiction Association, along with The Scribe for Veterans with the help of The Royal British Legion.
His first full length work ‘Kwak’s Competition Taekwondo’, was published in Hong Kong, while he was based there with the Royal Navy for three years in 1985. His debut novel ‘A Pride of Lions’, Book I in The Darkening Stars, was published by Solstice in September 2013. Book II, ‘The Cull of Lions’, was published a year later. ‘Roar of Lions’ is the third book in the series.
Solstice have also published four novellas: ‘A Connoisseur of the Bizarre’, ‘Sally Jane’, ‘Nightshade’ and ‘Santa Claws is Coming’ – along with the short story compilation ‘Falling From Grace & Others’.
Media Links
Amazon authors page: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mark-Iles/e/B004YZBP3I/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/welcometoearth
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Mark-Iles-279162705557698/
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October 19, 2017
Awe of ancient Malta
[image error]When tourists and historians discover the Maltese islands they are bowled over by the golden glow of the ancient limestone streets. Many roads in the Mdina – the ancient island’s capital – are narrow and tall to keep out the sunlight and to make it difficult for invaders.[image error]
Then shocked yet filled with admiration at the WW2 Siege of Malta followed by horror at the mass abduction of Gozo’s people in 1551. Hardly written about in fiction until XAGHRA’S REVENGE: a mix of contemporary lovers in France thrown together by ancient Gozo spirits and Ottoman pirates.
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Turgot Reis by Ali Sami Boyer
These are not the swash-buckling Hollywood pirates with an eye patch, parrot and peg leg, but intelligent, calculating, proud buccaneers and their story is told here too.
“Fast action, breathless description” 5* reviews
#KindleUnlimited, and paperback.
Kindle http://myBook.to/Xaghra
Paperback: http://hyperurl.co/y953ga
#historical fiction #fantasy #horror #paranormal romance
ISBN-13: 978-1625266224
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October 13, 2017
Beeping on the bus
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Beeping noise on the bus. Every few seconds. I thought it was my tinnitus taking on a new player, but others talked about it. Finally, at a stop, the driver announced his apologies. I shouted, “Turn your bus off and on again.” Everyone laughed, but it worked – as the driver probably knew it would.
It reminded me of the opening to ARIA: Left Luggage. One man with buzzing in his head, on a bus. By the time everyone disembarked they all had it, and the driver. Infectious amnesia. Imagine the ramifications.
See how it works out for only 99 cents or pence in ARIA smarturl.it/1fexhs
I thought ARIA was mainly a medical mystery with its infectious amnesia being so unique, but others tell me it is science fiction mainly because of books two and three when aliens get involved. However, it is horror. After all, 7 billion people die, and most of the aliens, yet hardly a shot fired, no nuclear bombs.
Worth checking out the trailer again here.
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October 6, 2017
Present day Xaghra & what’s beneath them
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Literally beneath them. This innocuous, quaint and historic square is in the town of Xaghra. Only by chance did I spot a queue form near the church steps, disappear down under the car park and apparently never to emerge. Whoa, I had to be part of this since I was writing a historical novel on why more Gozo folk didn’t hide when the pirates came in the 16th century. I joined the queue, parted with half a euro and down I went into a labyrinth carved out of limestone. Beds, store spaces, lights, all what you’d expect for a bomb shelter. Yes, that is what it what they said for the second world war when the brave Maltese sided with the British rather than German and Italian sides. Butbutbut I insisted, this is soft limestone – easy to dig and shape. Surely similar hideouts were dug when the pirates came in waves even before the 1551 big one when everyone was taken off the island.
They are in denial. Certainly, there are no surviving records. The cunning Rais Dragut, in the pay of Suleiman the Magnificent was charged with taking deed and other property and diary documents – sometimes they are more valuable than people. (I built this in to my Xaghra’s Revenge novel). Certainly the hidden caves under innocent houses in Xaghra such as Nina’s Cave existed for thousands of years. No matter the details though, I love the laid back nature of the island. Here are two photographs you could take yourself getting off the bus from VIctoria and snapping away before those locals invite you to share their table and spend a spot of euros on them.
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This one on the right is probably Xaghra’s oldest building maybe predating the 1551 abduction.
Who would have[image error] thought that a cave is hidden under these houses. Ask for Ninu’s cave and for a few Euros and a light you’ll be down among 60-million-year-old limestone fossils.
This photo below show the elderly in Xaghra, relaxing with local drinks and reflecting on life – maybe on whether to tell this inquisitive historical fiction writer all about the cache of rusty weapons under his house.
So much more and I’ll let you in other blog posts. Meanwhile if you’d like to read Xaghra’s Revenge then from Gozo and most places on Earth it is Amazon you need to go and here’s the links for Kindle and paperback.
Kindle http://myBook.to/Xaghra
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Paperback: http://hyperurl.co/y953ga
NEW LOWER PRICE FOR THE KINDLE. It’s hard competing with the free and 99 c prices that clearly undersell the value of writers’ effort, imagination and pure hard slog. When you see the price for Xaghra’s Revenge just think it took me several years and a lot of travelling to do the research and produce the first draft.
Nelder News
I’ve completed compiling 24 of my more surreal in an INCREMENTAL collection – some of the stories are more mental than incremental but hey ho! Two writers describe them kindly as Kafka-esque. I’m reading one aloud at the Chester Literary Festival on 19th November 2017 around 3pm because View From will also be in a Chester anthology.
Part way through Suppose We, a science fiction novella. LIke Incremental it will be published by LL-Publications
On April 12th my short science fiction story, Locked Out, was published by Perihelion SF magazine and you can read it for FREE athttp://www.perihelionsf.com/1704/fiction_4.htm
On May 1st was the release of the summer magazine of The Horror Zine within which lies my fantasy, Girl in a Wandering Wood. I’d mis-overheard a phrase ‘wandering wood’ – probably wander in a wood, but my brain concocted a story in which a young botanist investigating unusual trees discovered they were closing in on her! You can buy the Kindle for less than a meal deal or the paperback for a bit more at
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Horror-Zine-Magazine-Summer-2017/dp/1626479992/
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My newest published book is The Chaos of Mokii published by Solstice Publishing. It is an experimental scifi and takes only half an hour to read. Summed up with: Olga sits in a train but her mind is in Mokii, a city populated entirely by the consciousness of its inhabitants. Once she’s tricked her way past the figment[image error]bouncer she finds fun but also danger. 99 pence http://mybook.to/ChaosOM
A fun illustrated (kind of) book for little children is Timmy the Tornado. pdf copy that can be printed or viewed on your device for £1.50 at https://payhip.com/b/2aj3
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Other books of mine including anthologies are at amzn.to/zrC6J6
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September 20, 2017
Xaghra’s Revenge is here
Rabat the old name for Gozo’s main town, Victoria built entirely of limest
The day has come for revenge. Is revenge sweet? Find out how 5000 islanders were abducted in 1551 and what are the repercussions today. Follow two modern lovers who discover their heritage.
A rare insight into Libya, past and present.
How the tiny, beautiful Mediterranean island of Gozo, with one of the oldest buildings in the world, might be the centre of the spiritual world.
How a harem in Constantinople treated slave girls and how some rebelled.
Kindle http://myBook.to/Xaghra
Paperback: http://hyperurl.co/y953ga
#historical fiction #fantasy #horror #paranormal romance
[image error]
Turgot Reis by Ali Sami Boyer
Yes, pirates abducted everyone on Gozo bar a handful of really old and infirm people, yet those ruthless kidnappers had leaders in Rais Dragut – also known as Turgot Reis – and Sinan Pashu who considered themselves to be honourable semi-royalty. They took commissions from Suleiman the Magnificent. They were no swash-buckling Hollywood Johnny Depp caricatures. As you can see by this magnificent portrait of Rais Dragut. However, they did kill thousands and by any era’s standards of civilised behaviour were cruel and evil. Xaghra’s Revenge explores aspects of their psyche too.
Gozo is beautiful today, and was probably magnificent 6,000 years ago when ancient people of unknown origins built the ancient buildings we assume were temples. It holds a savage yet awe-inspiring past. I would love to live there.
You might like to read it for yourself.[image error]
Kindle http://myBook.to/Xaghra
Paperback: http://hyperurl.co/y953ga
If you’d like a signed copy of Xaghra’s Revenge please send me a message via facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/geoffnelder
It will be the normal Amazon paperback price + 50% to include post and package.
#historical fiction #fantasy #horror #paranormal romance
The post Xaghra’s Revenge is here appeared first on Geoff Nelder - Science Fiction Writer.
September 18, 2017
K.A. Meng Blog Tour
Hands up if you think you’re superior.[image error]
Note that my hand remains down. I’m sure some species of dung beetle might be superior to me and those bacteria that will eat my body when I’ve done with it. Anyhow, one writer has plunged into the good, better, superior race with a series of novels. Here she is gamely responding to my interrogation:
Today I have the honour of hosting K.A. Meng, an experienced writer from North Dakota. The thing is I’ve just returned from a writers’ retreat in Greece and am curious where other writers would retreat to.
Here’s what Karrie said: I would like to go to a cabin in the mountains for a writing retreat. I want to be secluded, but not too far away from society. If I went somewhere warm or with history, I wouldn’t be able to write. I’d spend my day exploring the place. I would love to accomplish as much as I can in the cabin. Writing for a few hours a day is a leisure and I could accomplish so much at a writing retreat.
Thanks Karrie, now stay strapped down while I ask more:
1) Is there such a thing as a genuine superior species that we know (ie not fantasy) about on Earth? ie what should the criteria be and which species come close to fulfilling them?
I believe humans would be considered the superior species right now. We are at the top of the food chain. The criteria would be no one could beat us. Well, most of the time we are. Sometimes our own stupidity or tiny little bees can take one of us out.
This thought of a superior species is what brought about the idea for my series Superior Species. Kind of obvious with the name. I wanted to cram three different races into a town to see how they would act. Would one become the superior species? Could humans stand a chance against them? I don’t even know yet. I need to write it.
2) You are a fantasy writer (as am I when in the mood). Is it true that fantasy writers are the most careful drivers? (hint: imagination runs riot as to what is coming around that blind bend!)
I’m a careful driver, but sometimes the story gets reckless. It goes off on its own. I just hope that all the turns that happen that I can steer the story back on track, and I can end it how I want to. Of course, that isn’t always the case. I go with it because those times the story is so much better.
3) I often hear people refer to an incident as “That’s a total nightmare!” I sometimes cannot resist to point out that dropping an egg or wearing the wrong shoes is NOT a real nightmare, whereas being chased by a … what would constitute a nightmare for you?
People love to exaggerate and I’m guilty of it too. I’ve had a few nightmares, real ones. The terror where you can’t wake up and you are not sure if you are dreaming or not. I’m scared of heights that doesn’t qualify as a total nightmare. I don’t plan on falling from a building anytime soon.
4) If a character in one of your tales wrote about you, what would they say?
Mike Carroll from The First Scheme would say that I was a great lady. I wrote about him after all. Once he dropped his fake persona, he’d be happy with me for telling his story. He would want to change a few things that I wrote and wouldn’t be happy with me when I refuse.
After writing the first two books in the Superior Species series, I received questions from the readers. If Ivory Ames was so special, why hadn’t any of the monsters in this world ever went after her until she went to Los Roshano? She is eighteen years old. She should have met something by now. I agreed with them and I already had an answer for that.
Superior Species Book 0.5 Vampires Didn’t Exist was born from this thought…A girl whose home town didn’t contain any of the creatures that went bump in the night. What if she went on her first vacation? What would be there? Would she believe it or not?
Righty ho, now the first leg of Karrie’s tour started with Mark Iles blog on Sept 17th 2017 at
https://www.markiles.co.uk/single-post/2017/09/17/KA-Meng-on-a-Superior-Species
The second leg was published on Sept 18th 2017 and can be found here
https://abfunkhauser.com/2017/09/17/creature-wrangler-k-a-meng-tackles-fangs-missing-persons/
let’s have the third and final excerpt in this blog tour:
[image error]Part of CHAPTER SEVEN from Superior Species Book 0.5 Vampires Didn’t Exist
“I’ll walk to my cabin slowly, then go hang around the lake. You follow behind me, hiding behind trees or bushes or something. Just keep up the appearance that I’m alone,” Paul said, adding to the plan.
He left the cabin and strolled over to his.
Harmony and I waited for a few minutes for him to make his way toward the trail, leading to the lake. As we exited the cabin, we kept to the shadows. I hid behind a tree while Harmony crouched down by a rock.
A full moon had risen in the sky. Nobody was walking around besides the three of us. The so-called police protection was severely lacking.
We made it to the lake in a few minutes without meeting anyone on the path. Paul took off his shoes and stepped into the water about ankle deep. Harmony and I hung back.
My gaze shifted as I searched for danger. A shadow moved near the path to the restrooms. My heart pounded and I moved my head to see it better. The shadow had been a trick of the light. I sighed with relief. Nothing was out there. I didn’t know if the murderer would be here tonight or not.
“Who, who?” a voice called, causing me to jump.
I tried to figure out who or what had spoken. Before I could, an owl hooted again. The tension released from my shoulders. It was just a bird. With my overactive imagination, my nerves were fried.
“How long do we have to wait?” Harmony asked after thirty minutes.
“Until dawn. Be quiet and keep watching Paul,” I answered.
Paul stepped out of the water and put his shoes back on. He turned to Harmony and me, pointing to the left in the direction of the boat docks. He ambled in the direction. Once he arrived at the dock, he turned back around. The beach wasn’t big.
Crickets chirped. A cool wind blew in, rustling the leaves. The smell of fresh grass hit my nostrils. A fish jumped and splashed back into the water. Other than those sounds and smell nothing else was out here.
“What’s that?” Harmony whispered.
“Just a fish,” I answered in a whisper.
“Over there.” She pointed at the boat docks.
Green eyes glowed against the darkness near several trees. It had to be an animal. Human eyes couldn’t reflect light enough to glow. But the eyes were up high, and mammals couldn’t stand as tall as a man unless it was a bear or a gorilla. They were not known to be in this area.
The eyes disappeared and a figure stepped away from the trees. It was a man. He vanished, disappearing from my view.
Where did he go? Oh, no. I released who he could be and turned to Paul. I shrieked his name, but my warning came out too late.
Superior Species Book 0.5 Vampires Didn’t Exist
Fun in the sun turns into a nightmare after a murder.
On her first vacation ever, Ivory Ames awakens in the middle of the night to find her best friend missing. She searches the campground and finds Maria lying dead on the beach.
With more questions than answers and the police being uncooperative, Ivory decides to find the truth herself. She enlists the help of Maria’s other best friend, Harmony Lundy. As Harmony and Ivory search for clues, they learn that someone or something is stalking the campers.
Author Biography:
A. Meng lives in North Dakota, in the same town she grew up. Her love for the paranormal started at a young age when she saw her first ghost.
Today, she spends her time writing paranormal romance, fantasy, sci fi, horror and everything in between. When life drags her away from it, she hangs out with her son and friends, goes to movies, watches TV, plays board games, walks her dogs, and reads books. She is actively involved in a writing group and wishes to some day visit Disney World.
Other Books by K.A. Meng:
Superior Species
Ivory Ames has caught the attention of four gorgeous guys. At Los Roshano University this isn’t normal, even when all the upperclassmen have perfect physiques, flawless complexions, and hypnotic looks. That’s not even the weirdest part. The town has a strict sunset curfew because of wild animals attacking.
To keep her friends and herself safe, Ivory must figure out the truth behind the town’s mysteries before it’s too late.
http://getBook.at/SuperiorSpecies
Superior Species Book 2 Finding Karen
Ivory Ames has learned the truth about Los Roshano, New Mexico and the university she attends there, but it isn’t what she expected. Monsters exist. They’ve been running the town in secret to fill their ranks. She vows to keep her friends and herself safe from their evil clutches.
As soon as Ivory makes her pledge, her best friend is missing. The race to find Karen Bakke is on before she is killed or worse.
http://getBook.at/SuperiorSpecies2
A Town of Murderers 1 The First Scheme[image error]
One murder, one plan, two possible outcomes.
The sound of a gunshot pulls Joann Fields from a peaceful sleep into a living nightmare. Her husband David is bleeding from a bullet lodged in his chest. She tries to save him, but she passes out instead.
Joann barely regains consciousness before two detectives arrest her for the murder. She turns to the only man who can help her, reporter Mike Carroll. With the evidence piling-up against her, can Mike save her from prison or is she part of some elaborate conspiracy?
Find K.A. Meng:
Website: www.kamengauthor.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KAMengAuthor/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/KAMengAuthor
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+KAMeng
Blog: http://www.kamengauthor.com/blog
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kamengauthor/
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/31651336-k-a-meng
Thanks Karrie. Now do you all feel superior after that? Or is it your cat, or my minnow?
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August 20, 2017
A.B. Funkhauser has taken over
A.B. Funkauser and friend
A treat for cat-lovers and for anyone desiring to scratch beneath the skin of what makes humans tick, is this take over by award-winning author who puts the fun into funerals (sorry – old but true joke). She purrs below about her new novel
SHELL GAME.
Book Description:[image error]
Carlos the Wonder Cat lives free, traveling from house to house in a quiet suburban neighborhood. Known by everyone, his idyllic existence is jeopardized when a snarky letter from animal control threatens to punish kitty owners who fail to keep their pets indoors. The $5,000 fine / loss of kitty to THE MAN is draconian and mean, but before Team Carlos can take steps, he is kidnapped by a feline fetishist sex cult obsessed with the films of eccentric Pilsen Güdderammerüng. Stakes are high. Even if Carlos escapes their clutches, can he ever go home?
The third novel in the UNAPOLOGETIC LIVES series, SHELL GAME follows SCOOTER NATION (2016) and HEUER LOST AND FOUND (2015) this time, with an eye on a seemingly pastoral community with a lot to hide. More than a cat and mouse story, Shell Game is an examination of community—who we are and how we relate to one another in a questioning world. Written with tongue firmly in cheek, it asks us to open our eyes, see better, and have a little more patience.
Excerpt:
Escorted with force up creaky wooden stairs into a passageway straight out of Kafka, the cat squirmed as the space opened into a large windowless room. There, light from tall lamps shot white hot from floor to ceiling, their beams reminiscent of Nuremburg on its worst day. These, uniform in design, were placed with deliberate care every six feet or so, like the stations of the cross in a Catholic cathedral. The lack of adornments on the walls and in the cornices, however, made this place anything but holy, the ecclesiastical taking a back seat to amateur theatrical.
Kitty growled a thousand growls, all unheard.
Unlike their hooded counterparts from down below, the humans upstairs concealed their identities not with comic book capes, but with papier mâché masks, obscuring what were probably facial features of little worth. Their bodies, once unshrouded, offered an array of tattoos and piercings. Many were on the heavy side, their adipose jiggling with the multitudes that tried to copulate in interesting ways. Nothing at all like Güdderammerüng’s Blod av Däggdjur, which supported an aesthete both elegant and worshipful, this sexy orgy party tried way too hard to be what it clearly was not.
Large cat statues in the Egyptian fashion added to the absurdity of the occasion. Eight feet tall, the polystyrene golden statues came by way of a prop wrangler and his girlfriend, who had purloined them from a storage locker after a film wrap in Vancouver. Under red-pink lights, the cat sentinels were positioned in equal numbers on either side of a large altar, marked by numerous fetish objects and eschatological symbols. In line with the forced revelry that abounded, their uses gained currency with the rather strange choice of Seventies-era rock music that assaulted the senses.
Working up a large hairball, Carlos barely caught his breath for all the hookah vapors filling the room. Humans of all genders did what they did together, separately and severally. Many appeared older, their sagging midsections reminding him of the old Tom’s that lived out their lives in the Banford barn outside Cavan.
Claiming to want something more, something more in line with Güdderammerüng’s vision, their attempts at consciousness raising from the “darkness to the light” fell flat. These humans, for all their writhing and hookah smoking, fundamentally lacked what the cats had: that state of grace that comes with knowing who you are and what you’re here for.
PRAISE
“…writes with a take-no-prisoners style of prose.”
Steve Cronin, AMERICAN FUNERAL DIRECTOR MAGAZINE
“Funkhauser digs down deep into each character and shatters the lines of morality, showing us the darkness and light within all of them…”
Angela D’Onofrio, Author FROM THE DESK OF BUSTER HEYWOOD
“Funny, quirky, and sooooo different.”
—Jo Michaels, JO MICHAELS BLOG
Author Biography:
Toronto born author A.B. Funkhauser is a funeral director, classic car nut and wildlife enthusiast living in Ontario, Canada. Like most funeral directors, she is governed by a strong sense of altruism fueled by the belief that life chooses us, not we it.
Her debut novel Heuer Lost and Found, released in April 2015, examines the day to day workings of a funeral home and the people who staff it. Winner of the Preditors & Editors Reader’s Poll for Best Horror 2015, and the New Apple EBook Award 2016 for Horror, Heuer Lost and Found is the first installment in Funkhauser’s Unapologetic Lives series. Her sophomore effort, Scooter Nation, released March 11, 2016 through Solstice Publishing. Winner of the New Apple Ebook Award 2016 for Humor, and Winner Best Humor Summer Indie Book Awards 2016, Scooter picks up where Heuer left off, this time with the lens on the funeral home as it falls into the hands of a woeful sybarite.
A devotee of the gonzo style pioneered by the late Hunter S. Thompson, Funkhauser attempts to shine a light on difficult subjects by aid of humorous storytelling. “In gonzo, characters operate without filters which means they say and do the kinds of things we cannot in an ordered society. Results are often comic but, hopefully, instructive.”
SHELL GAME, tapped as a psycho-social cat dramedy with death and laughs, is the third book in the series, and takes aim at a pastoral community with a lot to hide. “With so much of the world currently up for debate, I thought it would be useful to question—again—the motives and machinations championed by the morally flexible, and then let the arbiter be a cat.”
Funkhauser is currently working on THE HEUER EFFECT, the prequel to HEUER LOST AND FOUND.
Other Books by A.B. Funkhauser:
HEUER LOST AND FOUND (2015)
Unrepentant cooze hound lawyer Jürgen Heuer dies suddenly and unexpectedly in his litter-strewn home. Undiscovered, he rages against God, Nazis, deep fryers and analogous women who disappoint him.
At last found, he is delivered to Weibigand Brothers Funeral Home, a ramshackle establishment peopled with above average eccentrics, including boozy Enid, a former girlfriend with serious denial issues. With her help and the help of a wise cracking spirit guide, Heuer will try to move on to the next plane. But before he can do this, he must endure an inept embalming, feral whispers, and Enid’s flawed recollections of their murky past.
Geo Buy Link: http://myBook.to/heuerlostandfound
Book Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llaBBPQIcoc
SCOOTER NATION (2016)
Aging managing director Charlie Forsythe begins his work day with a phone call to Jocasta Binns, the unacknowledged illegitimate daughter of Weibigand Funeral Home founder Karl Heinz Sr. Alma Wurtz, a scooter bound sextenarian, community activist, and neighborhood pain in the ass is emptying her urine into the flower beds, killing the petunias. Jocasta cuts him off, reminding him that a staff meeting has been called. Charlie, silenced, is taken aback: he has had no prior input into the meeting and that, on its own, makes it sinister.
The second novel in the UNAPOLOGETIC LIVES series, SCOOTER NATION takes place two years after HEUER LOST AND FOUND. This time, funeral directors Scooter Creighton and Carla Moretto Salinger Blue take center stage as they battle conflicting values, draconian city by-laws, a mendacious neighborhood gang bent on havoc, and a self-absorbed fitness guru whose presence shines an unwanted light on their quiet Michigan neighborhood.
Book Trailer: https://youtu.be/oqmrW_t92jc
LINKS
Geo Buy Link: http://myBook.to/ScooterNation
Geo Buy Link: http://myBook.to/heuerlostandfound
Walmart: http://www.walmart.com/ip/Scooter-Nat...
Website: www.abfunkhauser.com
Amazon Author Page: www.amazon.com/author/abfunkhauser
Twitter: https://twitter.com/iamfunkhauser
Facebook: www.facebook.com/heuerlostandfound
Branded: https://branded.me/abfunkhauser
Google Plus: https://plus.google.com/u/0/118051627869017397678
Publisher: http://solsticepublishing.com/
Goodreads: http://bit.ly/1FPJXcO
Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/unapologeticadult
FAQ’s: http://abfunkhauser.com/faqs/
Interview Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2yhaXfh-ns
Interview Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoPthI1Hvmo
Podcast: http://mhefferman.ca/author/podcasts/episode-3-an-interview-with-a-b-funkhauser/
Email: a.b.funkhauser@rogers.com
Awards[image error]
New Apple E-Book Award 2016 “Humor” SCOOTER NATION
New Apple E-Book Award 2016 “Horror” HEUER LOST AND FOUND
http://www.newappleliterary.com/awards
[image error]Winner Summer Indie Book Award (SIBA) 2016 “Humor” SCOOTER NATION
https://metamorphpublishing.com/summer-indie-book-awards/
Winner Preditors & Editors Readers’ Poll 2015 “Horror” HEUER LOST AND FOUND[image error]
[image error]Thanks A.B. and love the teeth!
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August 11, 2017
Taking advantage of #HotAir Balloon fests
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Yep, this is the season of hot air balloooning all over the world. Lord knows what it’s doing to global warming! Haha. It was while I sat on a grassy hill, years ago, and seeing a flotilla of hot air balloons take off over the quintessentially-English town of Bath that the wicked thought sneaked in: How do you shoot down a hot air balloon? Can’t. Right? It’s not hydrogen or helium, but I do just that in HOT AIR.
Erica, the feisty female protagonist is enjoying her 25th birthday ride on a hot air balloon. As she shares the basket with her idiot boyfriend and experienced balloonist, they spy a nefarious goings on in a Bath garden below them. Sexy goings on? Or something more illegal and dangerous? A balloon isn’t silent so they are spotted. The chase and gunshots ensue. Can a baloon take shortcuts across a river estuary to get away from the killers?
Yes and no. I won’t give too much away but the daring redheaded Erica becomes abducted, and spirited away to Mallorca, a popular holiday resort in the Mediterranean. Ironically she is held captive in a watchtower, built centuries ago by the authorities to look out for pirates and enemies.
HOT AIR won gold and silver awards in the Netherlands when it came out and is now published as an ebook (in English) by Adventure Books of Seattle. Cheap as a box of matches, or a bullet. [image error]
Kindle http://hyperurl.co/di4y0h
Youtube trailer
Nelder News
[image error]My long-awaited Xaghra’s Revenge was released a couple of weeks ago as ebook and paperback. see blog page https://geoffnelder.com/project/xaghr...
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July 26, 2017
XAGHRA’S REVENGE is sweet
XAGHRA’S REVENGE
I’m delighted to report that my latest novel, Xaghra’s Revenge, was published on July 25th 2017 by the publishers of my THE CHAOS OF MOKII surreal short story, Solstice Publishing.
So, what is XAGHRA’S REVENGE? Overall, it is a historical fantasy within which are contemporary political scenes such as in present-day Libya, horror, humour and a titanic and epic religious struggle. We have pirates, slavery, a harem, revenge and retribution.
Fact:
In 1551 the Turkish buccaneer, Rais Dragut, sailed a pirate fleet to Gozo, abducted the population of 5000 and sailed them to North Africa.
The abducted were kept on the ships while Dragut won a siege against the Knights of St John at Tripoli. The surviving abducted were taken and sold into slavery at Constantinople, Tripoli and Tarhuna, Libya.
Some of the abducted had relatives on Malta sufficiently rich to buy them back, but most lost contact with their families.
Descendents of the original abductees live today in the Libyan town of Tarhuna.
One of the world’s most ancient buildings is on Gozo (Ggantija ‘temple’ at Xaghra, c. 3600-2500 BC) predates Stonehenge and the pyramids).
Fiction:
Both the spirits of the Gozitan abducted and of those Ottoman sailors and prisoners of war seek revenge but the time was never right. Finally, a man and woman, descended from key people involved in the 1551 travesty are thrown together in Lyon, France. The spirit of Gozo manipulates their relationship but the Ottoman spirit has other ideas.
The aim of the Ottoman spirit is to change the current historical timeline so that Suleiman wins the Siege of Malta in 1565 so that Christianity is beaten and dwindles.
Development of the novel
In Valetta, the Capital of Malta is a library dedicated to its history. I spent so many hours in that Melitensia library that it’s now built into the novel! Many trips as a researching tourist with my wife, and making friends with Maltese writers such as John Bonello and individual important locals such as Jimmy Farrugia and his wife, as well as British writers living on Gozo, helped me build up a feel for the country. I found ‘hidden’ tunnels and caves, and I always hug the world’s oldest building.
A few photographs:
Xaghra Ggantija temples. Over 6000 years old. Mostly buried and overgrown from Bronze age to 1827
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1500s house in Xaghra
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[image error]Rabat the old name for Gozo’s main town, Victoria built entirely of limestone
© all images taken by Geoff Nelder 2005 — they may be copied with my blessing as long as credit is given
Pre-publication Review by novelist Gladys Hobson
XAGHRA’S REVENGE
A historical fiction and fantasy by Geoff Nelder
Mid 16th Century Gozo, where the world’s most ancient building — the Gigantia temple at Xaghra — dwells in ruins, is the scene for the most outrageous episode in the history of Turkish buccaneering. Other than a few useless wrinklies, the entire population of Gozo, 5,000 men, women and children were carried off and kept onboard while Rais Dragut won a siege against the Knights of St John at Tripoli. The survivors were sold into slavery.
Nelder, in his unique style, uses this historical fact, and vivid magical Mediterranean settings, to weave his compelling contemporary fantasy, drawing the past into the present with mind-boggling paranormal happenings, his characters’ extrasensory perceptions, downright horror and kinky humour. Magic and mystery? More than that!
Murder, rape and mayhem! The story’s dramatic beginning takes place in the mid 16th Century Gozo, the three dimensional cast includes a Christian couple (Stjepan and Lydia), their infant Peter, Turkish buccaneers and Barbary corsair Rais Dragut. And importantly — the finding of a piece of stone bearing the likeness of a local ancient goddess.
Then in a change of scene, we are thrust into more familiar territory of Europe in the 21sst Century. Somewhat fickle-lover Reece is thrown (literally) into a relationship with a feisty, gorgeous damsel with nut-brown hair. But who is doing the pushing and matchmaking? Is Reece the secret agent he claims to be, in spite of his bumbling? What is the mystery concerning the sexy, boutique owner, Zita? Both of the partners with ancient bloodlines of Mediterranean origins.
It is a mistake to think the obvious, Nelder is too clever for that. Intrigue, fantasy, sexual encounters create literary magic, and transport us back and forth through time, holding the reader’s attention until the final END.
A thoroughly enjoyable read.
Gladys Hobson
Author of: When Phones Were Immobile and Lived in Red Boxes,.Blazing Embers, When Angels Lie, Desire, Seduction By Design, Checkmate
John Bonello, an award-winning Maltese author:
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John A. Bonello, Malta
“A gripping tale, masterfully written that keeps you wanting for more with every line you read.”
The awards he won are:
2011 – First prize in the National Book Award, prose for young adults with ‘L-Aħħar Ħolma’
2013 – First prize in the National Book Award, prose for young adults with ‘Is-Sitt Aħwa’
Cover Art
The whole book bulges with imagery. The world’s oldest building, pirate ships, Malta’s glorious mellow limestone fortifications, the final scene where a murmuration of good and evil spirits battle in the sky and Lidia, an abductee victim but also a fighter for freedom.
Lidia as captive – says it all especially with the revenge in the title[image error]
picture by John Keane
Another of Lidia this by Anita Kovacevic[image error]
[image error]A murmuration
A picture by the professional artist Daniel Dociu – already taken but I couldn’t afford his prices. If an amateur with reasonable prices for a poor author can do something similar than get in touch![image error]The award-winning artist, Andrew Bigwood, who created the fabulous artwork for my ARIA Trilogy has agreed to work on a cover – front and back – for Xaghra’s Revenge. He created the Maltese font for the h in Xaghra.[image error]
Cover page XR painted by Andrew Bigwood
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Xaghra’s Revenge on Kindle can be viewed here
For the paperback please click here.
Please email me geoffnelderATyahooDOTcom if you’d like a signed copy of this or any of my novels.
Others can be found on my Amazon author page here.
Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/xaghrasrevenge
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