Geoff Nelder's Blog, page 13

June 13, 2016

Glory on Mars #Review

gloryonmarsTo be honest the picture of a pussycat on the cover made me think this is a children’s science fiction story even though I know that barring crew cat-phobias a furry creature can be a psychological support for isolated and lonely colonists. Indeed, this book could be enjoyed by teens as well as adults especially if they are into hard scifi. There have been many novels about Mars – I read them all having an obsession about the red planet. Few are so well-researched as this one. Initially, I thought ah, she won’t take into account the lack of a magnetosphere on Mars and hence little protection from solar radiation and flares, but Kate Rauner has it all covered. The novel is set in the near future when AI are smarter and more ubiquitous than now and medicine is advanced.


It’s a fine relief to see a space story start in the Netherlands and the odd Dutch word usage. I love the use of Nederzetting to describe the creation of the settlement on Mars. My family name is Nelder, which could be a corruption of Neder. In contrast to this synchronisation of reader and book, there is the diet of the colonists. As with all the other Martian stories I’ve read, the assumption is that the human settlers must have meat. In this case mealworms and fish are to be bred, not for their life choices on another planet but as food for cat and people. I wonder if a NASA or ESA study has examined how different it would be for a vegan colony on such a planet? On Earth we’d only need a third of the land given over to food / fodder crops if everyone were vegan. Initially on Mars this could mean using pulses, seeds, quinoa and greens, some of which are used in this book too. No need to take animals to breed and kill. Bonus, but that’s me.


Favourite quotes from the novel: Technology may keep you alive, but attitude will allow you to thrive.


In space: In zero-g even a serious old curmudgeon will play.


Settling on Mars is like going backwards in time.


We didn’t come to Mars for our health.


“…his head jerked towards Peacock Mons. The mountain rose in a gentle shadowed slope towards a peak a couple of hundred kilometres away, higher than any mountain on Earth, ringed by cliffs like a delicate gold necklace. For a brief time, the surface blushed pink until the Sun rose high enough to colour it burnt orange.”


Glory on Mars is a page turning, problem-solving story competing easily with Kim Stanley Robinson’s series on Mars.  There’s bonus content such as technical items – radiation on Mars, Breeding a colony, Surviving the Martian surface and poetry.


A must read for any aficionado of Mars stories.


mars1


Buy Glory on Mars by Kate Rauner here on Amazon


Nelder News


I took Liz Williams’ novel Empire of Bones on my week-long cycle tour Chester to Cheltenham last week. More in the next blog on the cycle ride. I enjoyed Empire of Bones – an interesting setting in India’s caste system planted there by aliens millions of years ago who have their own caste system. More to say if you come along to the Chester SF & F Book Group this 25th June in the library at 2pm as it is this month’s choice.


Geoff’s UK Amazon author page http://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


And for US readers http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


Geoff facebooks at http://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy and tweets at @geoffnelder


 


http://nelderaria.wikia.com/wiki/NelderAria_Wiki


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Published on June 13, 2016 14:27

May 23, 2016

Scarlet Pimpernel

scarletp-zoomThese ‘weeds’ are along Rowcliffe Avenue, Chester UK. Please don’t pull them out! In among the dandelions and clover are the wonderful Scarlet Pimpernel plant (Anagallis arvensis) otherwise known in Britain as the Poor Man’s Weather Glass. The thing is, I used to teach about the weather for many decades, the last 26 years at Queen’s Park High. As a teaching aid for biogeography as well as climate I looked for the Scarlet Pimpernel because it closes its petals to foretell rain – Okay, because the sunlight was fading. I was brought up in Gloucestershire where it is abundant but when I migrated north I couldn’t find it except rarely. So, this spot in Westminster Park is one such rare spot unless you know others! Please tell.


When you get off a plane  at Malaga you’ll see millions of them but they are all blue! No one really knows why sunnier climates have blue Scarlet Pimpernel but it must be to do with the pigment, anthocyanin. If you’re thinking you’ve encountered that word on TV recently it’s because Angela Rippon raved about that pigment in blueberries, for example, to help reduce cerebral atrophy.


Incidentally, the Scarlet Pimpernel is one of Britain’s few native plants, so whoever lives on Rowcliffe Avenue where those flowers are flourishing please stay your hands if you’re tempted to use weedkillers!


Nelder News


I have my Prime Meridian SF short in an anthology. The anthology was commissioned by the Readers Club Avenue Park and is available free from their website here.


http://readersavenuepark.weebly.com/  or on Amazon at http://hyperurl.co/t7n22f


pic RCAP antho


My ‘Accident waiting to happen is in this issue’ of New Realm Vol. 01 No. 07 https://www.fictionmagazines.com/shop...


It’s what could happen when you concentrate on a large book about to topple off a tall shelf in a library – fantasy. Book-stack-toppling-450x300


 


Geoff’s UK Amazon author page


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


And for US readers http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


Geoff facebooks athttp://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy and tweets at @geoffnelder


http://nelderaria.wikia.com/wiki/NelderAria_Wiki


 


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Published on May 23, 2016 07:55

May 16, 2016

Town Destroyer

tumblersA few weeks ago I hit the headlines and had to hide under an ants heap of apologies for demolishing a local village, Dodleston, with a meteorite in my story, THE MEMORY ROCK published by The Wifiles (see what they’ve done there with the name?) It’s available for free reading at http://thewifiles.com/?p=631


Last week it became the turn of my own city of Chester to be turned inside out in TUMBLER’S GIFT. A young man makes an unusual living out of the tendency for locks to undo themselves in his vicinity. That’s fine when applied to padlocks and vehicles but what happens when it’s a portal to an alternate Earth? Read it for free in the wonderful online science fiction magazine Perihelion SF. The magazine started as a few pages stapled together in the early 1960s much like Sidereal, which my dad illustrated in the same era. Coincidentally, Sidereal’s editor was Eric Jones, who was one of the founders of the British Science Fiction Society. There is a different Eric Jones, who is an editor at Perihelion. What goes around, comes around. Here’s the link to my story there.


http://www.perihelionsf.com/1605/fiction_7.htm


watchtowerCoincidentally, in that same issue is a great review of the anthology Twisted Tales IX: Wunderkind edited by J Richard Jacobs, published by DDP, in which is my EIDOLON REDOUBT story. It’s a historical fantasy based on a watch tower in Somerset during the Napoleonic wars. Not free but for those of you with a few pennies it can be yours here. http://hyperurl.co/fip106


 


 


Nelder News


I have my Prime Meridian SF short in an anthology. The anthology was commissioned by the Readers Club Avenue Park and is available free from their website here.


http://readersavenuepark.weebly.com/  or on Amazon at http://hyperurl.co/t7n22f


pic RCAP antho


My ‘Accident waiting to happen is in this issue’ of New Realm Vol. 01 No. 07 https://www.fictionmagazines.com/shop...


It’s what could happen when you concentrate on a large book about to topple off a tall shelf in a library – fantasy. Book-stack-toppling-450x300


 


Geoff’s UK Amazon author page


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


And for US readers http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


Geoff facebooks athttp://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy and tweets at @geoffnelder


http://nelderaria.wikia.com/wiki/NelderAria_Wiki


 


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Published on May 16, 2016 12:01

May 10, 2016

#writing Q&A Prime Meridian

pic RCAP anthoI have my Prime Meridian SF short in an anthology. The anthology was commissioned by the Readers Club Avenue Park and is available free from their website here.


http://readersavenuepark.weebly.com/  or on Amazon at http://hyperurl.co/t7n22f


Just as I was going to bed another contributor, Anita Kovacevic, sent us all a Q&A for her blog. I like answering questions in my own way, so as you might guess I responded with a quirky style of A. Here they are:


an interview with the unique Geoff Nelder.


TWISTED TALES AUTHOR INTERVIEWS


Author: Geoff Nelder


STORY: Prime Meridian



Why did you accept to write a short story for Twisted Tales?

Do you know about the blackmail plot to force me contributing a story to Twisted Tales? Gertrude, my secretary (Okay, I share her with two other writers and an artist),  thought the twisted adjective meant warped, outrageous, illegal and so submitted story X. X is on an official blacklist you might have heard is kept by MI6. The story contains two words that if released into the world would cause madness, infectious madness. Luckily, I saw the post office receipt and after an English Inquisition torture-based interrogation, Gertrude coughed up about X. Charlie Flowers cursed me for disallowing the inclusion of X and said he would release it if I didn’t provide another story. Well, you asked.



What is your story about and what made you write it?

“Your hotel is the only one situated on the Prime Meridian.”


He pulled a pint. “What?”


“Also known as the Greenwich Meridian or longitude zero degrees. It goes from the north pole through Greenwich, all round the globe back to the pole. London is the only city it goes through and your hotel is the only one through which 0 degrees longitude goes through!” I was sure he’d be as excited as the geographer in me was.


The hotelier’s moustache danced. “So?”


“It’s a USP, use it to help fill your rooms, a marketing angle.”


Nothing. I gave up on him but next day I walked from his hotel along the Prime Meridian, as close as I could, all the 18 miles to Bromley. Oddly, I found three businesses relating to space research. Odd because the story I researched was what if a house was hit by a grape-sized micrometeorite every day at 3:15pm? Tired of seeing apocalyptic films with asteroids the size of Whales and Wales hitting the Earth I liked the notion of tiny terror.


houseTold through the eyes of a teacher who’d inherited a house we experience his quandary on this unique phenomenon. Can he solve it before his house is pummelled to a pyramid of detritus?



What is the biggest challenge for you in writing short stories?

Shorts have to be tight, so to speak, they do not possess the luxury of time we have in novels. All stories need conflict to drive interest and plot and for shorts this has to arrive much sooner than for novels. In spite of the forced brevity, the reader needs to be engaged with all their senses and they hope for braiding of plotlines, maybe a twist in the tail and a wow moment all in an hour’s reading. These challenges are not just necessary, they are exhilarating and make them a different, worthy art form. That’s what I say to book groups. In reality I just get more kicks per story out of writing them.



What is your favourite famous traditional short story, or short story author and why?

A.L.Kennedy is a young literary writer from Glasgow. She possesses the ability to weave lateral thinking onto the page in such a way that makes author intrusion a pleasure to encounter. Many of her tales carry uncomfortable messages and yet enrich us. My favourite, Christine, is in her collection, Now that you’re back, in which the main character, the woman of the title, is described and encountered by a man who is enamoured by her since schooldays. He is in first person and we never know his name. It is a clever story in a magic realism way with a kind of moral in that the pleasure we seek is deeper than we realise.


The skill of ALK’s writing is such that I hadn’t noticed until three-quarters through the anthology that she hadn’t used any dialogue tags at all.


Phrases I will steal:


‘I have temporarily forgotten how to inhale,’ ‘Something impatient about the sky.’



What did you like about writing for Readers Avenue Park?

I wrote for Readers Avenue Park? Hot damn, I thought it was for Rap Inc! They pay real money – Okay in bitcoins but they can be exchanged for special blues at Harrods – well, from a woman with a suitcase behind Harrods.



What do you like most about the Twisted Tales?

I didn’t like not getting bitcoins from them. All I got was a slot in an antho with a bunch of weirdos. Cool weirdos but I wanted bitcoins for those special blues, you know?



Can you share a favourite quote from your TT story?

“A meteorite the right size to make a hole to fit your finger lands every twenty minutes,” said Cooper.


“My God,” Forrister said, looking up at the sky, as they walked to his house.


“That’s for the whole planet of course. An area the size of London gets a hit of a pea to a grape-size meteorite every three years.”


“You’ll have to readjust your figures ‘cos my house gets one every day.”


“Ah.”


“Ah?”


“Well it could happen, you know, swarms; but they’re usually seen as meteors like the Leonids, which are fragments of comets. They’re over within twenty-four hours.”


“If it’s not meteorites, maybe it’s one of them?” Forrister said, pointing at the lights of an aircraft heading towards Luton.


“Could be; but I wouldn’t rule out meteorites until I get one in my hands. What do they look like?”


“Haven’t a clue, that’s why you’re coming down into my basement with me to sort out the meteorites from the meteorwrongs.”


“Haha, your basement so unruly you can’t see recent additions?”


“Only been down once to see where I could put a wine rack but there’s too much junk. I’ve only been there two months.”


“Been in mine twenty years and still haven’t sorted the cellar, assuming I have one,” Cooper said.


They searched but couldn’t find any new holes. They shouldered the stiff door to the cellar but it was a near-hopeless task finding the culprits in the assorted boxes and piles of mostly metal junk.


“Your granddad an engineer?”


“Yeah, he had a workshop down here making one-twentieth scale steam engines. Hence all the swarf and black metallic lumps. If they were meteorites what are we looking for?”


“Pieces of black metallic lumps,” Cooper said, glumly.



Any message for TT readers or potential readers?

Read Prime Meridian slowly. It took me two months to research and write it and I hate it when readers tell me they only took an hour to read it.


This interview and others are found on Anita’s blog.


https://anitashaven.wordpress.com/2016/05/09/twisted-tales-authors-the-geoff-nelder-interview/


Perhaps you’d like it at the bottom?


Other Nelder news


That Prime Meridian has a long history. It was originally published online in a writers’ showcase site run by BeWrite Books. Revised, it appears in DIMENSIONS an anthology of science fiction stories written by me and Robert Blevins, published by Adventure Books of Seattle. It’s still available on Amazon. My writing style has developed in the ten years since so revised again it was marvellous to have it in with stories of other genre in the Twisted Tale anthology.


466Hz – that’s the title of the short story I am writing. You know you can type 466Hz into youtube and hear the B-flat note, which is the main character. It is heard all over the planet one day as a barely detectable background sound by Clifford. He’s intrigued and after blagging his way to access better equipment, detects the note increases by a decibel a day. Will it stop getting louder? How is the increasing noise affecting wildlife and people? Where’s it coming from? Is it aliens or a natural phenomenon hitherto unnoticed because we’ve only been around a couple of million years? Answers on a postcard.


There are 6 of my stories floating about the universe of publishers and acquisition editors at the moment. My fantasy novel is being considered by Pendragon Press and two shorts are in the inbox for two competitions along with another being considered for the Sferics antho.


I have to admit that sales are trickling slower than lumpy custard for my ARIA trilogy but readers are good enough to be tweeting it and others liking it on facebook.


Links to buy ARIA and other of my books are on my Amazon author pageAria-Trilogy---Geoff-Nelder---Slider


Geoff’s UK Amazon author pagehttp://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


And for US readers http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


Geoff facebooks athttp://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy and tweets at @geoffnelder


http://nelderaria.wikia.com/wiki/NelderAria_Wiki


 


 


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Published on May 10, 2016 01:09

April 30, 2016

Why Dogs Bark

As a cyclist I���ve had occasion to leap sideways when a mutt barks suddenly, even when its behind a gate. It puzzled me why some dogs started barking when they couldn���t possibly hear or see me, so on behalf of the magazine, Cycling World, I spent the best part of six months researching the topic, doing experiments and persuading canine psychologists to talk to me. The resulting article came out in Cycling World in 2004.��dog-barking-cartoon


This is an updated version of that article for which I now have copyright. Feel free to quote as much as you like.


Why dogs bark


By Geoff Nelder- a cyclist for decades yet still fond of dogs


Are barking dogs just a nuisance? Say that to the five million people bitten each year in the USA where insurance companies pay out a quarter billion dollars each year in claims from dog bites.


Dog race in Leeds, UK


Angry barking to my left but the dog was out of sight. The exhilaration of freewheeling down a long suburban road in Leeds made up for the slogging up the preceding hill. Glancing to the left to spy any intersecting traffic sent a shiver down my back. The German Shepherd, the source of the barking, saw meals on wheels. Should I stop? No, because I was in a hurry. The only option was to stamp on the pedals. The dog accelerated. I reached the junction just before him and inertia carried me up the next slope with vicious snapping teeth a second behind.


Lucky but not for the cyclist behind me! One accident worse than having lumps bitten out of your leg is a dog in your front wheel. My friend performed a spectacular somersault.


 


Dogs are what they eat.


Carol O’Herlihy, a director of Bark Busters, an international canine training organisation, believe that the increase in dog aggression comes from their processed dog food. Throw raw meaty bones at the mutts and they behave properly.�� Carol told me: “I can give you case histories where behavioural problems including excessive barking and chasing are a symptom of a dog’s need to seek out��the food nature intended them to eat.���


Barking for no reason?


Ask any barking-dog owner why their pets bark or chase and their answer falls into six categories:


Predatory instincts ��� sees moving cyclist as prey ��� food ��� but wolves and other hunters stay silent when stalking. However, once running at their prey, some dogs might bark. This scares the prey ��� like it does cyclists.


Protecting territory ��� barking scares away intruders and alerts their owners. But Budiansky (2001) points out that wild animals don���t bark at other animals entering their territory. He reckons they are not barking to protect their home but out of fear, anxiety, hostility and goofiness. Bark Busters say the dog is protecting its primary food source, the house owner.


Herding behaviour ��� barking to round us up. Unlikely, in fact most dogs don’t bark or chase a group of cyclists.


Playing –�� barking dogs get excited at anything, especially young dogs, hard-wired to practise war-games to become skilled at hunt and chase.


Attracting attention ��� there are many reasons for barking: some dogs bark to get people to play with them. Also as an instinct in many solitary dogs to call for reinforcements when afraid.


Reinforcement ��� dog barks at an “intruder” who goes away; works every time.


There are no hard and fast answers to understanding dogs. I don’t understand my wife and she can talk!�� Dr Ray Coppinger, the most experienced canine behaviour expert, controversially tells me: “Dogs do not have conscious thought.” He means that pooch doesn’t predict or put two and two together. He cannot think: “if I bark at that bike it will stop or that it will go away.” But he might learn that barking makes something good happen. The cyclist is just the trigger to the barking.


Happy brain chemicals


Coppinger, along with other experts such as Serpell and Budiansky, suggest that dogs mostly bark because the action releases the neurotransmitter dopamine, the happiness-chemical in their brains. This is specially the case for Border Collies who have more dopamine in their brains than other dogs. They bark because it feels good.�� Budiansky points out: for each dog barking and so frightening an intruder there are thousands that bark all day at every innocent that moves, and then sleeps through a burglary.


The real reason


So dogs bark because they like it. So why do they stop? Because they are unique and lovable but stupid and forget why they’re barking and so stop. Humans also get slugs of dopamine if they bark, shout or punch the air. Try it now! But are you going to bark all the time? No. Dogs need triggers to start off the barking and in most cases that is just detecting something moving.


Eyesight


Dogs have poorer vision than most humans but on average only by a quarter of a dioptre. German Shepherds, Rottweilers and miniatures are up to three dioptres worse than humans. Sporting dogs and spaniels have excellent long sight and all dogs see lateral movement better than humans. Careful observation shows that dogs focus more on the rapid rotation of cycle pedals rather than the cyclist.


Dogs don’t hear everything better than humans


Because dogs often bark at me on my bike several seconds before they can possibly see or smell me I thought maybe my rattle-free efficient road-bike made noises dogs hear that humans cannot. Most humans hear loud noises with a pitch frequency of up to 20 KHz but most dogs hear up to 65KHz. Surprising to many, humans hear low pitch noises between 31 and 67 Hz; better than dogs. Engaging the help of several acoustic engineers we established that even a “quiet” bicycle will make sufficient noises for them to know I’m getting close. Noises from the chain, the hum of tyres on tarmac, rustle of clothes and even my heavy breathing will alert them. But slow to walking pace and most barking dogs stay quiet if they can’t see you.


Barking telegraph


Cycling through Cheshire’s Delamere forest I encounter a farm on the left. Their Border Collie barks a welcome followed a few seconds later by barking from the German Shepherd at the next farm out of sight around the corner. While I am still puffing up the hill, the bark-telegraph has alerted two more farm dogs that something to bark at is on the way.


Barking breeds


Of the up to 400 breeds, the dogs that bark the most are Cocker and Springer spaniels, German Shepherds, terriers and Border Collies. Some breeds such as Besenji never bark.


Best behaviour


The best behaved dogs are those that are trained and have a lot of human contact in their first four months. Without that contact dogs exhibit more erratic behaviour such as barking and chasing anything that moves. Foxhounds and Beagles tend to be trained to follow pack instincts and rarely bark randomly at passing bicycles.


In Budiansky, backed up by some (but not Bark Busters), dog breeders comes the interesting notion that solid-coloured spaniels are more aggressive and likely to chase bikes than multi-coloured dogs or solid black dogs.


Damage limitation


Apart from developing a set of steel nerves and steady handlebars against sudden barking, there are some traditional and modern techniques to cope with an aggressive chasing dog.



Go faster? Unless you have Tour de France abilities you are unlikely to outpace the 38 mph capable of many dogs. The Iditarod dog sled race in Alaska averages 125 miles a day for 9 days. That’s 1100 miles at an average speed of 15 mph including rests. So unless the mutt is old and decrepit, forget outpacing it.
Throw your food at it. This can work since all dogs are hungry all the time and it works better with cheese than biscuits. Bark Busters recommend raw meat but that’s what you are. I’ve usually already eaten my snacks and many will ignore anything you throw. Throwing food to aggressive dogs could teach them to bark and chase the next cyclist in order to get food!
Kick it on the muzzle. No, you will miss and fall off.
Hit it with a bicycle pump. Forget it. Dogs love tug-of-war games.
Squirt it from your bottle. This often works if you are practised at aiming since most dogs dislike getting wet. It works better with Halt! a pepper spray available in the US but again you need to practise and a determined chaser will continue, only more enraged.
Shout “No!” Often works, or at least confuses them, especially if you avoid shouting conversations like: “Sit down!”
Stop cycling. This works too and if you are lucky the mutt will lose interest and slope off. For a persistent aggressive dog you can use your machine as a shield. But then what?
Use a dog Dazer. This is a handheld electronic device emitting a startling but harmless ultrasonic output at about 25 KHz causing most dogs to stop. I’ve seen them lie down or run away after a quick Dazer burst. Of course, if the dog is deaf…

 


Other advice when confronted by an aggressive dog is not to stare at them in the eyes, don’t try and pat them. Neuroscience tells us that the internal pleasure released by chasing and barking is greater than the pain caused by some human screaming “No!” On the other hand a caring dog owner might hear the racket and intervene. If there is a persistent dog nuisance on a regular route and you are unwilling to detour, report it to the authorities. Most countries deal with dog nuisances seriously.


Licences


Bark Busters point out the following: the absence of dog licences in the UK has led to an increase in the number of untrained dogs. Dog wardens in some areas have helped remove packs in some suburbs but there is a general worsening of the dog scene in the UK. Australia still has licensing and owners have to show evidence of dog training and “doctoring” ��� virtually none of this occurs in the UK. So campaign for dog licences for less dangerous dogs and safer bike rides.


Enjoyment


Above all remind yourself that you are out to enjoy a bicycle ride. Choose a route to avoid known problem dogs and keep your head if you meet an unexpected one. Shouting “No!” squirt of a bottle and a burst of Dazer might all work but I also like this piece of canine psychology from Stephen Budiansky “We worry about what others think about us while dogs worry about what others do to them.” They worry a lot. So dogs bark because they are playful juveniles and they get a slug of happy brain chemicals when they do. Get your slug of happiness from turning those pedals.


References


Experts consulted by email, interviews and their publications:


Coppinger, Ray PhD., Prof of Biology, Hampshire College


Serpell, James PhD., Marie A. Moore Assoc. Prof. of Humane Ethics & Animal Welfare, Director, Center for the Interaction of Animals & Society, Department of Clinical Studies, School of Veterinary Medicine, University of Pennsylvania,


O’Herlihy, Carol ��director Bark Busters UK


Original version published in Cycling World, Dec 2004, vol 25.11


Recommended Books:


Budiansky, Stephen: The truth about dogs: the ancestry, social conventions, mental habits and moral fibre of Canis familiaris, Weidenfeld & Nicolson�� 2001


 


Coppinger, Raymond and Lorna: Dogs ��� A New Understanding of Canine Origin, Behavior, and Evolution ��������The University of Chicago Press, 2001


 


Photograph by Peter N Davidson


dog attack


Nelder News


Links to buy ARIA and other of my books are on my Amazon author page


Geoff���s UK Amazon author page


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


And for US readers��http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


Geoff facebooks athttp://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy��and tweets at @geoffnelder


 

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Published on April 30, 2016 04:47

April 29, 2016

#Galileo’s Dream – a review

Galileo’s Dream by Kim Stanley RobinsonGDream


Published in 2009 by Random House Publishing


Reviewed by Geoff Nelder


With galloping old age I’ve taken more interest in novels featuring characters who are similarly ancient. Hence my interest in Julian Barnes many works, most of which appear to be about dying, and my serial reading of books about being reborn such as Replay by Ken Grimwood, The First 14 Lives of Harry August by Claire North, and Life After Life by Kate Atkinson. In Galileo the famous astronomer is already in his late 50s when the novel starts. He was a world-wide legend already and this timeline takes him to his trial with the Papal Inquisition and beyond along with a little anastomosing of time braiding – after all it is a science fiction novel.


Basically, there are two settings for GD, Italy right at the end of the Renaissance in the early 1600s and the Jovian moons far into the future. Galileo gets to live in the former but visit the latter frequently courtesy of a time-travelling device operated by people living on the moons assisted by Earth-bound individuals who, in spite of their age spanning millennia, blend into the local population. One man ludicrously named Ganymede, lives some of the time on Jupiter’s moon, Ganymede, and needs the ‘first real scientist of Earth’ to help him solve problems on Europa and with his opponents. Darkly, Ganymede needed Galileo to be martyred in the 1616 by being burnt as a heretic so that religion diminishes and science triumphs as a global reaction. This being just one of many possible threads in the multiverse.


GalileiGalileo-AndYetItMoves800pxTrouble is I enjoyed the beginning of Galileo’s Dreams, and the ending, but for me the middle was a drag—except for the Italian bits. However, we can’t just have a book consisting of a start and finish without the middle, can we?


Clearly, Kim Stanley Robinson, from his extensive research, loved Galileo, and in spite of his temper, so do I. To be fair, I became irritated with his not ‘getting’ some of the new ideas even after he was treated in the future to brain enhancing drugs to accelerate learning. Trouble is there was no way the reader could be sure how much the amnesiac drugs sometimes given afterwards, allowed Galileo to recall things later. Hence when he published scientific principles from his experiments that echoed Newton’s Laws many decades before Isaac published we couldn’t be sure if it was from learning in the future that was remembered. Actually, Robert Hooke, among others, accused Newton of being ingenuous in claiming his laws as his own when most, if not all, were floating around the scientific world already. Newton did us a favour by collating it into handy laws, and popularised the term gravity for the force of attraction between masses even though Galileo had already known of the force and of its diminishing with the square of the distance.


Galileo learned in the future of his multiverse existences and in spite of attempts to erase much of what he knew then (remember the Jovian people needed his help and so updated his knowledge but reasoned he’d go mad if he retained all that back in his time) he had snatches of what was to be. For example to a servant he said, “I am the sum of all possible Galileos.”


“No doubt of that, “ the old servant said.


Phrases that pleased me muchly include:


When Galileo helped renovate his daughter’s convent San Matteo. “What joy to pop a dovetail into place like a key in a lock. Theorems you could hit with a hammer.”


To a servant, “Mazzoleni, I am stupid.”


“I don’t know, Maestro…where does that leave the rest of us?”


Much of Galileo’s fundamental published thoughts are genuine (through translation) in this novel and the author appeals to those seeking a project to consider translating more of Galileo’s works that have yet to be read in English.


I can recommend Galileo’s Dream to any lover of the weird workings of the Papal Inquisition, of life in Renaissance Italy, in the possible effect of thens and futures, and of the great Galileo himself.


Other Nelder News


A link to my free story THE MEMORY ROCK, published by The WiFiles and which destroyed the local village of Dodleston is here 


Links to buy ARIA and other of my books are on my Amazon author page


Geoff’s UK Amazon author page


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


And for US readers http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


Geoff facebooks at http://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy and tweets at @geoffnelder


 

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Published on April 29, 2016 13:55

April 17, 2016

A #destructive trait

1999-Aster-607448One of the aspects of being a writer of science fiction is that you are obliged to create worlds. By which I mean settings although often that can mean actual planets. So why do I find myself writing stories that involve the destruction of towns? Perhaps because I can ��� haha. However, although whole planets might become depopulated (ARIA Trilogy), the annihilation of a town would never be the main theme. Rejuvenation, enhancement, survival and hope are more likely even if there���s a bit of horror, terror or ��conflict on the way.


Two examples of my destruction have emerged this month. In THE MEMORY ROCK, published by The Wifiles (see what they���ve done there with the name?) It���s available for free reading at http://thewifiles.com/?p=631


In that a school girl, on the bus home, witnesses a meteorite hitting a village. Curious things start happening to people who venture too close to the crater…


I could have used any village for this story, or made one up, but I used to be a geography teacher and rebelled against the use of ���AnyTown��� in the teaching and analytical models we were obliged to teach with, especially when we found pupils would know more about the non-existent model ports and towns than any real ones! I also needed a village I knew well. Dodleston is only six miles from my home city of Chester and many of my pupils used to be bussed to and from it. Perfect. I wrote the story, subjected it to a proofread from me, then by the fine members of Orbit 2 of the British Science Fiction Association (BSFA) critique group. They noted the memory theme in this story was a kind of spin-off from my ARIA books but that���s largely coincidentally. Something does happen to the memories of people getting too close to the crater but there���s a twist at the end I���d hope you wouldn���t expect.


After THE MEMORY ROCK was published earlier this year, the Chester newspapers picked it up to run a feature. Eg the Chester Chronicle: ���Chester author obliterates Dodleston���.


chronHilarious, even with my photo, but it was riddled with spelling errors ��� all theirs! Even so, It was well-liked on facebook and I ran it on twitter and facebook with the accompanying map ��� the geographer coming out in me again.


Please click on the link to read the story and like it if you do.


 


 


dodleston


 


 


 


 


 


 


Yesterday I heard that another story, TUMBLER���S GIFT, is to be published by Perihelion SF magazine. Great! That story also involves the destruction of a settlement but this time it���s my own city of Chester. However, don���t panic dear Cestrians because it is when Tumbler, who has a gift for unlocking anything, unlocks a portal into a parallel world. Our own Chester isn���t unaffected but, again, ��not as you���d expect. I���ll let you know when it is published.


Other Nelder News


Links to buy ARIA and other of my books are on my Amazon author page


Geoff���s UK Amazon author page


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


And for US readers��http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


Geoff facebooks at http://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy��and tweets at @geoffnelder

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Published on April 17, 2016 05:10

March 15, 2016

Cycling Offa’s Dyke

A short illustrated article of mine is in the cycling emagazine, Seven Day Cyclist.offasign


I ride on top of Offas’ Dyke in this piece, meeting the Chester Deva Divas��and a BBC morning TV presenter. This little lane is my favourite stretch in a lovely part of Wales kind of between Chester and Wrexham and I’m among 1200-year-old landscape shapers.


I discovered this stretch by accident 5 years ago when riding near Treuddyn in North Wales. I found a wonderful signposts that runs goose-pimples up any historycycle signy buff’s neck:


Amazingly, the lane is so narrow that traffic has to be allowed in one direction at a time, controlled by lights – EXCEPT for cyclists. Traffic is warned we might still be in the way!


The lane perches on top of the original ridge with a ditch on either side. I can’t find a spot to capture the two parallel ditches because of the bushes and trees – even in winter. Fun to ridge this roller-coaster lane, needing all your gears and downhill freewheeling courage as the road approaches Llanfynydd. A pretty village surrounded by breathtaking countryside. As the road approaches Frifth you could divert under an abandoned railway viaduct and explore the ruins of old lime kilns as I did with my pal David Wrigley.


wrigley


The lane leaves Ffrith to travel through a dark wood and emerge onto a junction. Left is downhill back to Chester. Right is uphill to Minera, Coedpoeth and for the brave, on to World’s End. In this photo a demonstration that photos lie and don’t show how steep roads are, but look at the body language of these racers in the Mark Cavendish Sportive race RiseAboveSportiveAug92015Chester to Chester in 2015. I was an observer!


 


 


 


Frith to Brymbo road.

Frith to Brymbo road.


Here’s the link to the article in Seven Day Cyclist – #free read!


http://bit.ly/1LovStj


 


Nelder News


Links to buy ARIA and other of my books are on my Amazon author page


Geoff���s UK Amazon author page


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


And for US readers��http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


Geoff facebooks athttp://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy��and tweets at @geoffnelder

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Published on March 15, 2016 10:27

March 1, 2016

Here’s the FUN in Funerals!

An author with inside parlour wisdom puts her expertise to fictional fabulousness.


Gonzo A.B. Funkhauser

Gonzo A.B. Funkhauser


We start with my interview questions and ABF’s responses:


Q1 What is your writer’s name?


I’m A.B. Funkhauser: mother, mortician, monkey; purveyor of adult, contemporary, gonzo fiction. The “B” stands for Belle. The “A” is classified.


Q2 What is the book you want to publicize, and its genre and target audience?


SCOOTER NATION, my most subversive work to date, drops March 11 through Solstice Publishing. The second novel in the Unapologetic Lives Series, it picks up two years after HEUER LOST AND FOUND. This time, tertiary funeral directors Carla Blue and Scooter Creighton take center stage as the protagonists in a melange guaranteed to leave a lot of human wreckage in its wake. I’m psyched because advance notices have been extremely positive and from every quarter. I don’t target a specific demographic: I leave targeting to politicians and number crunchers. What I strive to do with everything I write is to give the characters free range to do as much damage as possible to get to the grit of the subtext: altruism through larceny in the case of SCOOTER. This seems to resonate with readers from around the world.


Q3 what book inspired you most, as an adult, to take up fiction writing?


There have been many, but the one I credit most these days is a work of non-fiction entitled THE WARS OF AFGHANISTAN by Peter Thomsen. A United States Special Envoy to Afghanistan who bore witness to key late 20th Century events in that country, Thomsen’s reportage is rich with lyrical allusion and description that brings history forward and makes it grand. By this I mean that the land as much as the people is a character to be deconstructed, explored, explained and rationalized. I sought to do the same thing in my fiction, which is why the bricks and mortar of Weibigand Brother’s Funeral Home “live” every bit as much as the people who pass through it.


Q4 What funny moment happened have you experienced at a book signing – other author or yourself?


Talking person to person is a work of art that can always be practiced at and should be, given that digitally signed eBooks downloaded at home really have cut out the “author” as middle man. I have yet to experience anything “funny” in that pursuit although I will confess to competing with bleeping, chirping STAR WARS toys at a Big Box book store for the attention of adult patrons. I felt a tad unsexy doing that.


Q5 Give us a picture of your usual writing desk / place and one of your favourite place to write? What are the advantages and disadvantages?


funkh-writingCanadian maple dining table. Front room. Large bank of front windows facing evergreens that shield me from the street. Cool in summer. Warm in winter. Plenty of room for my kitty muse to perch. It’s a complete package that puts me at the centre of the house where the action is, while according me the largesse to drift into the grand vista outside my windows. And the chair is comfy.


Q6 What makes your book a must-read to aficionadas of the genre?


Gonzos everywhere know the benefits of operating without filters. There’s no compromise and there’s no remorse. And the sky doesn’t fall. Isn’t that nice?


Q7 What makes you mad? (preferably writing related)


Absolutely nothing. I’m all about the Zen, baby. [GN – cool answer :) ]


Now for the author’s book, SCOOTER NATION, and it’s a humdinger


From the author of HEUER LOST AND FOUND


In a gonzo land:


A city divided;OFFICIAL SCOOTER COVER


A community under seige;


Conflicting values;


And the death of a beloved.


What will it take to right the wrongs?


A line in the pavement.


 


SCOOTER NATION


All things are equal now.


Coming 03.13.2016


From Solstice Publishing


See the Trailer: https://youtu.be/oqmrW_t92jc


  Book Blurb


  Aging managing director Charlie Forsythe begins his work day with a phone call to Jocasta Binns, the unacknowledged illegitimate daughter of Weibigand Funeral Home founder Karl Heinz Sr. Alma Wurtz, a scooter bound sextenarian, community activist, and neighborhood pain in the ass is emptying her urine into the flower beds, killing the petunias. Jocasta cuts him off, reminding him that a staff meeting has been called. Charlie, silenced, is taken aback: he has had no prior input into the meeting and that, on its own, makes it sinister.


The second novel in the UNAPOLOGETIC LIVES series, SCOOTER NATION takes place two years after HEUER LOST AND FOUND. This time, funeral directors Scooter Creighton and Carla Moretto Salinger Blue take centre stage as they battle conflicting values, draconian city by-laws, a mendacious neighborhood gang bent on havoc, and a self absorbed fitness guru whose presence shines an unwanted light on their quiet Michigan neighborhood.


  Excerpt


1967


The old humpback with the cloudy eye and Orwellian proletarian attitude pushed past the young embalmer with a curt “Entschuldigen Sie bitte!—Excuse me!” That Charles E. Forsythe, bespectacled and too tall for his own good, didn’t speak a word of German was incidental. The man grunting at him, or, more accurately, through him was Weibigand senior embalmer Heino Schade, who’d been gossiped about often enough at Charlie’s previous place of employ: “Weibigand’s,” the hairdresser winked knowingly, “is like a Stalag. God only knows where the lampshades come from.”


Whether she was referring to Schade specifically or the Weibigand’s generally didn’t matter. What he gleaned from the talk and what he took with him when he left to go work for them was that he was not expected to understand, only to follow orders.


Schade, muttering over a cosmetic pot that wouldn’t open, suddenly tossed it; the airborne projectile missing Charlie’s black curls by inches. Jumping out of the way, he wondered what to do next.


Newly arrived from Seltenheit and Sons, his new master’s most capricious competitor, expectations that he perform beyond the norm were high. Trading tit for tat, his old boss Hartmut Fläche had fought and lost battles with Karl Heinz Senior since 1937, and wasn’t about to abandon the bad feeling, even as he approached his ninetieth year. That his star apprentice had left under a tenacious cloud to go work for the enemy would no doubt hasten old Harty’s resolve to plot every last Weibigand into the ground before he got there first.


It was incumbent upon Charlie, therefore, to dish some dirt hopefully juicy enough to shutter Seltenheit and Son’s for good.


Stories of the two funeral directors’ acrimony were legend: late night calls to G-men during the war asserting that Weibigand was a Nazi; anonymous reports to the Board of Mortuary Science that Fläche reused caskets; hints at felonious gambling; price-fixing; liquor-making; tax evading; wife swapping; cross dressing; pet embalming; covert sausage making; smokehouses; whore houses; Commie-loving; Semite-hating; and drug using sexual merry-making of an unwholesomeness so heinous as to not be spoken of, but merely communicated through raised eyebrows, was just a scratch.


Ducking under the low rise water pipes that bisected Weibigand’s ceiling in the lower service hall, Charlie shuddered with the thought of retributive action, if only because old men were scary and he was still young. At twenty, he had finished his requisite course requirements, albeit at an advanced age. A lot of the guys were finishing at seventeen, only to be packed off to Vietnam. But Charlie had been delayed by way of the family pig farm which in many ways, could save his hide in a pinch. As the eldest male in a houseful of women, running the farm made him essential if the Draft ever became an issue. It hadn’t so far—he was too old, the 1950 and up birthdates pulled by lot would never include his. Yet he was haunted by the prospect of a violent end.


His mother—a gentle soul who knew the Old Testament chapter and verse—never missed an opportunity to discourage his dreams for a life in the city. This only aggravated matters. He was different, and he knew it. For that reason he had to leave.


“You’ll wind up in hell if you try,” she said fondly, every time he negotiated the subject. In the end, it was a kick in the ass from the toothless old neighbor that sent him running far and fast off the front porch: “Yer not like the others, are ya sweetie?”


“Don’t expect an easy time from the Missus,” Heino Schade said offhandedly from his vantage over a pasty deceased.


“Mrs. Weibigand?” Charlie asked, noting that the old man used Madame Dubarry commercial cosmetic in place of the heavy pancake Seltenheit’s favored.


“You assisted her out of a particularly difficult situation. She will expect more as a show of your constant devotion.” He knocked his glass eye back into place with a long spring forceps.


Charlie understood. He hadn’t expected a call from the Lodge that infamous night, but then, it wasn’t everyday that a good friend of the Potentate was found dead in a hotel room under a hooker.


“In flagrante delicto,” Schade continued ominously in what appeared to be Latin.


“Indeed,” Charlie said, faking a working knowledge of the dead language; the unfamiliar term, he guessed, having more to do with what Karl Heinz Weibigand was doing with a woman in a seedy hotel room, than his desire to ask Schade how he made his dead look so dewy.


 


About the Author


Toronto born author A.B. Funkhauser is a funeral director, classic car nut and wildlife enthusiast living in Ontario, Canada. Like most funeral directors, she is governed by a strong sense of altruism fueled by the belief that life chooses us and we not it. Her debut novel HEUER LOST AND FOUND, released in April 2015, examines the day to day workings of a funeral home and the people who staff it. Winner of the PREDITORS & The Pred and Ed winEDITORS Reader’s Poll for Best Horror 2015, HEUER LOST AND FOUND is the first installment in Funkhauser’s UNAPOLOGETIC LIVES series. Her sophomore effort, SCOOTER NATION, is set for release March 13, 2016 through Solstice Publishing. A devotee of the gonzo style pioneered by the late Hunter S. Thompson, Funkhauser attempts to shine a light on difficult subjects by aid of humorous storytelling. “In gonzo, characters operate without filters which means they say and do the kinds of things we cannot in an ordered society. Results are often comic but, hopefully, instructive.”


 


Funkhauser is currently working on SHELL GAME, a contemporary “whodunnit” begun during NaNoWriMo 2015.


 


Other Solstice Books By A.B. Funkhauser


HEUER LOST AND FOUND


Unrepentant cooze hound lawyer Jürgen Heuer dies suddenly and unexpectedly in his litter-strewn home. Undiscovered, he rages against God, Nazis, deep fryers and analogous women who disappoint him.


At last found, he is delivered to Weibigand Brothers Funeral Home, a ramshackle establishment peopled with above average eccentrics, including boozy Enid, a former girl friend with serious denial issues. With her help and the help of a wise cracking spirit guide, Heuer will try to move on to the next plane. But before he can do this, he must endure an inept embalming, feral whispers, and Enid’s flawed recollections of their murky past.


Geo Buy Link: http://myBook.to/heuerlostandfound


Book Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-C5qBpb0Yc


PRAISE


“Funny, quirky, and sooooo different.”

—Jo Michaels, Jo Michaels Blog


“Eccentric and Funny. You have never read anything like this book. It demands respect for the outrageous capacity of its author to describe in detail human behavior around death.”

—Charlene Jones, author THE STAIN


“The macabre black comedy Heuer Lost And Found, written by A.B. Funkhauser, is definitely a different sort of book!  You will enjoy this book with its mixture of horror and humour.”

—Diana Harrison, Author ALWAYS AND FOREVER


“This beautifully written, quirky, sad, but also often humorous story of Heuer and Enid gives us a glimpse into the fascinating, closed world of the funeral director.”

—Yvonne Hess, Charter Member, The Brooklin 7


“The book runs the gamut of emotions. One minute you want to cry for the characters, the next you are uncontrollably laughing out loud, and your husband is looking at you like you lost your mind, at least mine did.”

http://teresanoel.blogspot.ca/2015/05/heuer-lost-and-found-unapologetic-lives


“The writing style is racy with no words wasted.”

—David K. Bryant, Author TREAD CAREFULLY ON THE SEA


“For a story centered around death, it is full of life.”

—Rocky Rochford, Author RISE OF ELOHIM CHRONICLES


“Like Breaking Bad’s Walter White, Heuer is not a likeable man, but I somehow found myself rooting for him. A strange, complicated character.”

—Kasey Balko, Pickering, Ontario


Raw, clever, organic, intriguing and morbid at the same time … breathing life and laughter into a world of death.

—Josie Montano, Author VEILED SECRETS


LINKS


Website: www.abfunkhauser.com


 


Scooter Page: http://abfunkhauser.com/wip-scooter-nation/


 


Podcast:  http://mhefferman.ca/author/podcasts/episode-3-an-interview-with-a-b-funkhauser/


Twitter: https://twitter.com/iamfunkhauser


 


Facebook: www.facebook.com/heuerlostandfound


 


Publisher: http://solsticepublishing.com/


 


Goodreads: http://bit.ly/1FPJXcO


Amazon Author Page: www.amazon.com/author/abfunkhauser


Email: a.b.funkhauser@rogers.com


Audio Interview:


Interview Part 1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2yhaXfh-ns


Interview Part 2: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoPthI1Hvmo


HEUER BUY LINK: http://myBook.to/heuerlostandfound


For a detailed history of the Weibigand-Seltenheit Wars, please see Poor Undertaker.


Thank you A. B. Funhauser for occupying my blog today.

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Published on March 01, 2016 12:47

February 29, 2016

Rubbing shoulders

Solitude_of_a_Vampire_by_seduced_by_the_sunWow, I’m editor’s pick of the month for the March edition of The Horror Zine edited by Jeani Rector who has recently won awards for her editorship.


Not only is my story Song of the Multitude been chosen but it sneaked in there alongside the famous horror writer Graham Masterton. My story was critiqued a year or so ago at the Cafe Doom and in Orbiter group 2 of the BSFA so thanks guys and gals for your suggested crits!


We’ve all seen a solitary tractor surrounded by a swarm of seagulls, but in this story it is


Seagulls chase a tractor ploughing.


not the obvious birds who are the real threat.


The Horror Zine is free to view at http://www.thehorrorzine.com/


Good news to take the pain off my sprained ankle. I’ve also discovered I can still cycle with much less pain than walking with my sprained ankle. Silly me didn’t see a tree root in Davyhulme Park while I chased grandson Oliver (7) as he rode his bike to school. I lay there admiring the sky through the trees, winded for a moment, then heard a little voice whisper, “Are you all right, Pop?” Don’t you love ’em?��trees


 


 


 


 


I met author Luray Smythe at WH Smiths yesterday. She was signing her infant-targetted puppy detective stories. I bought one and we wished each other luck. Her tweets are at��https://twitter.com/mrmylo_uk


Nelder News


Links to buy ARIA and other of my books are on my Amazon author page


Geoff���s UK Amazon author page


http://www.amazon.co.uk/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


And for US readers��http://www.amazon.com/Geoff-Nelder/e/B002BMB2XY


Geoff facebooks athttp://www.facebook.com/AriaTrilogy��and tweets at @geoffnelder

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Published on February 29, 2016 02:54