Scott Allan's Blog, page 3

Giving Up Short of the Goal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Let me share an embarrassing secret with you: I have alway had the “bad habit” of giving up on things before I had a chance to really be good at them. If I started playing the piano, I would give up after a few lessons; when I started writing a book, I gave up after the first few chapters. When I tried jogging to get into better shape, the habit didn’t last more than a few days. There is no doubt new habits are tough to implement, especially when you first start out trying to build the daily practice; but they are impossible to form if we give up too soon in the early stage of forming the habit.

I have always been the kind of person addicted to the idea of doing something, and often I would start doing this “something” but, when the reality of what I was doing became frightfully boring, or the work too tedious, I would give up. Now, this wasn’t a simple “throw up my hands and just walk away” giving up. It is more subtle than that. I would simply take a step back. This was done by skipping a day on practice, or saying ,”I’ll do it the day after tomorrow.” But, that was my way of opting out of continuing with the habit. Procrastination was my first step to backing out. In all those tomorrows there was always something more to do, something else to keep me distracted, just so long as I didn’t have to face the responsibility and challenge of what I was attempting.

Hitting Tough Walls

Giving up before you reach your goal implies several things. First of all, you hit a wall and become overwhelmed about what to do. The solution for this is not coming easy. You ask the advice others and they might tell you, “Oh, don’t worry about it, those things happen, or maybe, “Why don’t you just take a break from it?” I always liked it when people told me this. It encouraged my involuntary decision to “take a break” and that is what I would do. Only my breaks turned into vacations, and those turned into putting the idea or venture on a “shelf” where it would stay for many weeks, moths and even years. And I kept it there too, not because I planned on picking it up again soon but, to serve as a reminder that I was busy. I had all these things to do, and soon, I was going to get around to doing them.

People give up way too soon for many reasons, and while the reasoning may seem justified and right, you need to step back and analyze if this is a repeat pattern. Do you make excuses for giving up on things that could potentially make a difference in your life and the lives of others? Are your excuses valid? I used to think so.

For instance, my favourite reason for not committing to following through on something was because I had no time. And yet, I had time for TV or internet surfing.

Another excuse: I’m too old for that. And yet, I see other people much older than myself succeeding at the things I am trying to accomplish.

Another excuse: The timing just isn’t right. There is a saying that goes like this: “The best time to do something was twenty years ago. The second best time to do it is now.”

Another excuse: “I’m bored with this.” You are feeling bored with the venture. Now, this could be anything: Putting an old car back together, building a house, or deciding to create an online business. Making excuses for giving up.

And the excuses go on: It is too difficult; I just need to step away and think; Maybe I should do some mores research first. Now, don’t get me wrong. It is good to step away at times and reconsider your options or rethink your plan. But walking away and then watching TV for 3 weeks would suggest you are putting it off indefinitely. The Burden of Responsibility was greater than you imagined. This happens in a lot of marriages. People get hitched to the idea of falling in love and living happily ever after. We see it all the time in the movies, the fairy tale wedding, where two people are heading off into the sunset or driving down the road in at the car with “Just Married” to live a fruitful and happy life full of passionate sex and love play. But that is just the start of the journey, as many already know and have experienced.

Listening to your excuses and “false reasoning” when you run into an obstacle is an opportunity to change things. You don’t have to believe any of it. You do have a choice. Push yourself to follow through with that extra five minutes of practice on the piano. Push yourself to train at the gym for just one more set  before calling it a day. Push yourself to write just one more paragraph before you stop writing for the day.

Give Up or Persevere?

“So, what are you going to do now?” That is a good question to ask yourself. Are you going to give up before you tried to go just a little further? Or, will you persevere, dig in and push through? The biggest companies and successful entrepreneurs started out just as you and I are: normal guys and gals that put up with the shit till they got to greener pastures. I assure you behind every success story is a man or woman that pushed through the mire of defeat. Did they want to give up at times? maybe. But perseverance plays a powerful role in every story.

Perseverance is a way of “feeling the fear and doing it anyway” as Susan Jeffers wrote in her book of the same name. Perseverance is a character trait that is earned. You condition yourself to persevere through facing those trials and tribulations. Now, you might be facing a situation now that seems hopeless and beyond repair. You will have to decide if it is worth continuing, or if you really should just walk away and abandon ship. But remember, every ship that you abandon will never reach a safe shore; if you stay on board, even through the roughest seas, there could be land on that other side of the ocean. You will never know until you try to go a little further. Success is not guaranteed in anything; but failure is if you give up too soon.

What Can You Do? Before you give up on something that could potentially turn into the greatest thing that has happened to you, take a moment to revisit the situation. Why are you giving in right now? Giving up, in most cases, stems from a form of dysfunctional habit. You may have given up in the past as a means of escape, to cope with a situation.

Practice Pushing Ahead

I grew up hiding from most things. I ran when the fire got to big, or left up to someone else to take care of the situation. “Oh, he’ll handle it” I would say. This forges a bad habit of running and evading what could be your greatest opportunity for advancement. As long as you are turning away from everything when the gong gets tough, you will never accomplish anything worthy; and the worst part is, not only will you suffer, but all those that could have benefited from your efforts will lose out on something.

I know that facing your greatest tests in life is frightful; if it were easy, everyone would be doing it. Let the world see who you are. You have nothing to lose. People give up way too soon because they think they are saving themselves from looking silly, avoiding failure, or saving themselves for a “better chance or opportunity” that never comes. But the truth is, you have more to lose by fleeing. And if you make flight a habit, it will stick with you for the rest of your life. It will become your default action in every tough situation.

So push yourself to go that little extra step further. And when you get there, try to inch ahead a bit more. Small steps are huge gains over the long run.

Takeaway Actions:

Giving up on new habits becomes a habit in itself; before you give up on something, try to push yourself just a little further to get over that tough spot.
Challenge yourself to do something just a little better than you did the day before. You don’t have to make huge strides in a short amount of time, but small advances over the long term.
When you find yourself making an excuse such as “It is too difficult” or “I just don’t have time”, take a moment to imagine what it would be like if you pushed forward. Imagine what it would be like if you “Overcame that difficulty” and made time for what matters.

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Time Investment: Managing Your Greatest Resource

Time Investment is Your Greatest Resource

The most formidable obstacle that stands between you and your dreams is the efficient and effective use of time, a limited and irreplaceable resource. Time management, the ability to apply your time efficiently and in a manner that reflects the importance of your life, is the personal navigation system for ongoing improvement and personal success.

You will determine the tasks and steps necessary to keep your life moving forward on a steady track through adopting a set of time-based habits that build and support the key areas of your life. In order to become an effective time investment manager, you must determine the areas of greatest importance and develop a plan of action that measurably structures a solid foundation for building the dreams of your future.

Through managing your actions, you are able to harness all of your skills and knowledge while concentrating them into developing and improving time management strategies that will exceed your utmost expectations. Once you learn to effectively channel your mind’s energy into a funnel of time management systems, the results you are seeking will become clearer and you’ll stay “focused and streamlined” to developing efficient time-saving habits.

Opening Closed Doors

An investment of time means putting your greatest and most valuable resource to good use. To spend your life in a way that is both useful and efficient is to put your time into the things that will produce the exact results you want. As soon as you determine the life you desire and in a direct line with core personal values, your subconscious mind will automatically seek ways to make it happen for you.

Time management is a powerful skill that, once mastered and applied to striving for a state of excellence, links all the vital areas of your life together. Everything is connected in terms of creating goals for yourself, having a specific great purpose, and applying quality time to the work and effort that generate results. Investing your time wisely in activities that matter opens closed doors; but wasting valuable time and taking for granted the time you have been given keeps those doors closed.

Double or Nothing

When you invest your time in work or an activity that has great personal value, you want to get some kind of return out of it. The time and effort you invest now will pay back huge dividends someday. Investing your time consciously and with a specific plan is making the greatest investment ever…it is an investment in yourself! If you want to succeed and go further than you ever dreamed possible, you will have to manage yourself in a way that focuses on the constant and never-ending improvement of a set of time-based principles. This is determining the best time of day you can put your time to work for you. It is the everyday planning of exactly what you’re going to do with the time you have. The question you need to ask yourself is this: What matters most to me, and how can I make the most out of my life with this opportunity?

Let’s say I gave you twenty dollars and told you that you could do anything you wanted with it. What would you do? Now, I know you might be thinking that twenty dollars doesn’t go far these days, and you’re probably right. But that’s only if you think of it as twenty dollars. Now, what if I told you to keep this money until next week, without spending it? If you do, I’ll double it and give you forty dollars. What would you do with it now? What if I continued to double your money every week for as long as you held on to it? Would you spend it or save it? You know that, if you spend it, it’s gone forever, and you will get something worth the same amount or less than the twenty dollars. It would be gone and that is it. If you held on to it, however, and your money was doubling every week, imagine how far this money would go after just one year.

Now, replace the twenty dollars with one hour of time. Imagine now that, for every hard-earned hour you invested in the success of your life, you were rewarded with ten hours of leisure time to be spent in any way you like. Would you be interested? Would you find the time to contribute to building the life you want? As you can see, whether we are investing time or money, both are precious resources. If these resources are invested and managed properly, the rate of return received over an extended period of time is exponential.

Do You Want to Invest In a Bad Investment?

Many people spend their time the same way they spend their money—throwing it away on trivial things that don’t matter, like over-priced lattes, snacks, cigarettes, soda, or anything else that provides us with an instant sense of satisfaction. The reward is in the instant gratification we feel. If you had money to invest, would you throw it down on a bad investment? Now, replace the word money with time and ask yourself the same question. How much time do you waste every day, every week, or every year on bad investments? Are you watching old TV re-runs, gossiping, or surfing the ’net, endlessly looking for new ways to be entertained?

Time is not free. It is limited, and each of us has only a certain amount of it. Some people have less time than others to spend. Others have more time than they know what to do with. The fact is that each of us has 60 minutes in an hour, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. This is non-negotiable. What truly matters is how and where you invest the time you do have. It is worth more to you than the price of gold; it is your life, and to waste your time is to waste everything you represent.

The key is to invest your time now so that you can be free later. Do first the things that matter most, and reap the rewards later. Once you have invested your time for that day or week, you have all the time in the world for those other activities that demand your attention. There is nothing wrong with spending hours on the Internet or playing video games until the early hours of the morning as long as you have contributed your time to fulfilling a great purpose.

Where Do You Want to Be in Ten Years?

There is no pending guilt when you know that you have put your time toward something that’s working to build your life, to make it better through improving the quality of your living conditions. Make a conscious choice to invest your time in working on who you want to be and where you want to be. Invest your time in today so you can live your dreams tomorrow. If we are to succeed, it is imperative to know what’s important; we must figure out our highest priorities and invest in them.

Time investment has a concrete plan. There is a goal with key target areas, and each target area requires a strong investment of effort and concentration in order to work. That is why, before you commit your time and resources to a special project or activity, your priorities need to be set and established. You have to know precisely what it is you want. Once you do, you can then work it into your time management plan and decide how much time is allocated to each specific area so you can succeed in mastering the areas of your life that matter most.

Takeaways–

Make an actionable plan for everyday that consists of three MITs [Most Important Things]
Time is Money: Imagine that for every hour you are living, your life is worth XX amount of dollars. How are you going to spend it?
Determine your biggest priorities in everyday living when it comes to spending time; work on these priorities and make them count.
Remember: You have only today to make it count. Don’t waste it.

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Crafting Your Image Through False Expectations

I don’t know of anybody that consciously chooses to fail at anything. it isn’t a deliberate decision. And yet, you may be making important decisions today that are setting you up for failure.

I used to complain that I had no time to do the things that I wanted to do, such as writing blog posts, books or exercising. I used to wish that I had more time in the day and that I could quit my day job to work on my home based business. I would dream of quitting my job that I hated so that I could stay home and spend more time with my kids, and yet, for years I got up early and spent my days at a desk in an office that I didn’t want to be in.

When I look back on these things that I desired not to do but I did anyway, I realize that everything I complained about was based on choices of my own making. Without realizing it, my choices were decisions leading to inevitable frustration and discontent. By making decisions that went against what I truly wanted for my life, I was unconsciously choosing to fail. By not choosing to do what I really wanted, I was choosing to suffer.

Internal Conflicts

For years there has been internal conflict to perform the duties of “what is expected of me” based on the expectations that others had. I chose to fulfill those expectations and, while others seemed temporarily satisfied with my choices, I was not. Have you experienced this? Are you going through a similar phase that demands your attention when you would rather give attention elsewhere? Are you making choices by day and regretting the life you are leading at night? Is there something else you would rather be doing but you can’t seem to find the courage to do it?

For a long time I believed I was weak. Unable to take charge of my life. Afraid to step up and seize the day. After all, why would someone consciously wake up each day and go through a series of motions that they resisted? A job that you hate, a project that you are told to get done by next week because somebody else’s success depends on it, or to be someplace at a certain time everyday because your contract says you have to be. Why couldn’t I make choices that supported my goals and dreams? Why am I slave to my sudden impulses an compulsions? How can I make these changes in my life without rocking the boat?

Choosing Your Identity

You have the power right now to choose who you want to be. You don’t have to build your identity around the expectations of others. If you do this, you will be setting up all your actions to make other people happy. Now there is nothing wrong with making others happy; we should do this for our friends, family, and others who need our help. But you need to make sure that at the end of the day you feel good about who you are and what you have done with your day.

Think about this for a moment and ask yourself these questions no right now: Who are you, really? Are you the person you really want to be? Or, do you feel like an actor on the stage, moving around the stage at someone else’s request? No matter what you are doing at this moment, take a breather to sit on this question and really think about it. It is life changing.

Are you making decisions that are failing you and disempowering? If you are, this could all change . Today. When I analyzed my own feelings, and how I really felt about what I was doing with my time, I could see the life I was leading based on the “life design choices” I was making that went against everything I really wanted. So, I stopped making those decisions. Gradually I changed my identity by giving myself a new voice. I stopped complaining because it wasn’t changing the situation, but just deepening it. Why dig a hole and then bury yourself in it?

I know, the thought is ridiculous, and yet, you may be doing this everyday without consciously realizing it. You are who you think you are all day long; I made those decisions to fail because of who I thought I was. But can you change your identity overnight? No, but you can start today to do things a little differently. Act and think differently than you normally do, and change will come. create an image of who you are and not who you think you should be.

Changing the Internal Program

You could be living out your “character identity” based on years of conditioning. I am not suggesting change everything right away, and act impulsively by quitting your job, getting a divorce and moving into a monastery, but changes begin with building a conscious reality of what is going on within you, not around you. Too many people are like reactive machines, responding to everything taking place around them by following a routine that is built in and programmed. You can change your programming, but only if you wake up to this and make a conscious choice to do so. You can still “act the part” and play the role that the world around you expects, but inside, keep it to yourself. For now.

When we think of failure we often think in terms of “not measuring up” as it relates to other peoples expectations of us. I realized that I wasn’t as concerned about stumbling or falling down as much as I was concerned about failing to live up to the expectations everyone wanted of me. By living out this false identity that has been crafted into my daily actions and way of thinking, I was living somebody else’s life. Like the actor on stage that waits for the next cue, I was on standby awaiting the next set of lines to be delivered so I could keep on playing the role. It is a false sense of self and, when you awaken to this, you fully come to understand who you are and what you can really do. It is a powerful sense of awaking.

Take Away Action Steps:

1. On a piece of paper or at your computer, make a list of character traits you believe you have. Don’t think to hard about this; just start writing down anything, in short point form or one words.

2. Observe yourself “acting” out your day. Really listen to what you talk about with people. Actually step out of yourself and become an observer of your actions throughout the day. This is really the first step towards “self-actualizing.”

3. For the moment forget about what it is you are suppose to be doing. Start to write about all the things you have eve wanted to do, be and have in your life. Don’t stop to think about what others may approve or disapproved of. Remember, no matter what you do, somebody all always be unhappy or dissatisfied. It just doesn’t have to be you. Building your identity begins with deciding consciously who you really are, and then creating the actions and habits that are consistent with this self-image.

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Do What You Love With Your Life

The Road to Suffering

There is a saying that, “if you are not in charge of your own life, somebody else is.” You can take another quote that says, “If you don’t have a plan for your life, somebody out there does.” If you are reading this blog right now it is because you might be one of these people who is trapped by the shackles of a 9-5 job and you want to get out. You know that there is more to life that you could be doing right now, but you are locked into a cycle of defeat that repeats itself each day. You see others taking vacations and enjoying more time off, and you want more of that. You desperately want it. I know how you feel. It is painful to be in a place you don’t want to be in, to answer to people you don’t like or show up everyday to a place that doesn’t respect or care about your creativity, ideas or opinion.

This leads to some hard suffering down the road.

When you live your life based on the criteria others set for you, you suffer; when you are ignored or someone gets that promotion or raise that you feel you deserved, you suffer. There is emotional pain every time you surrender your freedom to another person or place to thing. I know because I did it for many years. Now, bills do have to be paid and people have to work; that is just the reality.

Follow the path

If you feel something inside you pulling you in a particular direction, you should go that way. If you feel it pulling at you everyday and it doesn’t stop, run like hell in that direction. It’s this force that is guiding you towards something bigger than you. For myself it has always been writing. No matter what I was doing [and I was usually doing something for somebody else] there was a powerful draw to write books and articles, to put myself out into the world so that maybe I could contribute to making someone have a better day, a happier lifestyle, or give a boost of encouragement when they needed it. I often ignored this call to action by procrastinating. And I procrastinated a lot. As a result of my resistance to taking action towards the things that really mattered, I suffered by putting off the one thing that created happiness and a fulfilling life. You don’t have to put off your passion for living your life your way anymore.

When you procrastinate and put off doing your passion, you surrender your freedom to everything else. When you are not busy building your dream, someone else is going to build it for you and you end up creating theirs. Now, I believe in helping others achieve their goals and living their dreams. It is my main drive for writing and creating ebooks. But, if I am only serving others [as in a mindless 9-5 job] where I am doing the work of others, I have relinquished my power to serving a lesser purpose.

Do What You Love

There is only so much time on this earth. Your time is limited and it is the most precious thing you have, more valuable than possessions or money that we spend most of our lives trying to obtain. Love and time-guard them both with your life. And the best Way to serve both is to do something you love with the time you have. When you do, doors open up that were once closed. People you never knew appear in your life. The Opportunity that could not have existed before is suddenly available to you. You just have to be willing to reach out and grab it.

The possibilities are endless; sticking with something you hate and gripe about delivers misery and a feeling of discontentment. And when you go down this road, you suffer. Why do I keep bringing up the topic of suffering? because it is the one thing people want to avoid. It is what motivates you to make choices and take action. You either do something because you want to alleviate emotional pain, or avoid suffering at all costs. Although I can’t promise you will live a life free of suffering, you can certainly suffer less and enjoy more of life doing what you are meant to do and being the person you want to be.

If you ignore your real call to action, you will be doing the same thing next year for someone you don’t want to work with and earning a paycheque that somebody else has decided is your worth. If you want to be free, it starts here right now with what you do today. Don’t waste it.

Follow your path.

Action Steps

Here are some call to action steps you can take right now to get focused on your dreams. It starts with getting to know what matters and what doesn’t.

1. Identify your pain point. Is it going to a job you don’t like? Is it wanting something you haven’t yet achieved? Make a list of pain points of you have ore than one. Then, choose only one for now.

2. Map out solutions and actions you can take to move from a point of pain to one of pleasure or deep fulfillment. Write out any action steps you can think of. This step is critical. Just identifying your pain point is the first layer. If you know what it is but do nothing to remove yourself from it, you stay stuck in it.

3. Ask yourself the essential question: “If I could do just one thing with my life, what could it be?” Make a list of 100 goals, dreams, or ideas of all the things you can imagine being, doing, or having. Take that list and narrow it down to the top 10. Then, narrow that list down the top 3. FOCUS on just on of these for thirty days. And see what happens.

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The 25 Daily Principles List

Several years ago I wanted to create a list of strong ideals by which to live by. This is the list I made. I leave it with you now in the hope that you find great benefit, as I have, in applying these daily practices to everyday living. Add to this as you experience your life, and then pass the list onto someone else. Ask them to do the same.

Here is a list of 25 great ways to live each day!

Do not speak openly of the illness of others shortcomings; acknowledge and discuss your own misgivings and the solutions to healing;
Make amends to all people wherever possible;
Do not judge openly the defects, faults, or deeds done by others;
Carry the message of compassion, love, and peace to every person you meet;
Respect all living things – do not kill or harm any living creature;
Learn to suffer and walk the path of resistance;
Avoid anger and responding to anger through violence or harsh words;
Be a positive light that shines over the world;
Avoid the negative cynicisms of dark thoughts, ideas and deeds;
Strive to be the changes you desire to see in yourself and in others;
Build a wealth of spiritual beliefs, and share this wealth with the world;
Avoid all foreign substances of drugs, tobacco and alcohol that lead to disillusionment and death of the mind and kill the physical body;
Refrain from passing blame on to others; know that there   burden is your burden
Reconstruct the pathways that lead to ill behavior and failure; construct new roads that lead to happiness, wisdom, and peace of mind;
Seek to Know Yourself;
Pass down these teachings to all those that will listen – be patient and understanding with those that refuse to listen and are lost in disillusionment;
Embrace all children; teach through kindness and wisdom; avoid anger, rage, and abusive “tough love”;
Take a daily inventory of your own faults and mistakes; failures and misunderstandings. Let others do their own inventory;
Meditate twice daily;
Pray for those people you resent;
Know that the good deeds of today are remembered in every lifetime after this one;
Avoid contributing to discussions that are useless and unnecessary, or that surround the defamation and defects of another person;
Seek the truth in all things, places and circumstances
Take the first step of every journey with a leap of faith – believe in yourself;
Be honest, open, integral, and disciplined in all your affairs.

Hope this list of habits makes you have an awesome day, and spread the wealth to everyone you meet!

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Develop the “Just Ask For It” Habit

Hesitation and Fear

Asking for the things that we want is a persistent habit that most of us abandon when we get wise enough to realize what rejection is, and how much it hurts. In fact we will do almost anything to avoid hearing that all empowering word “NO”, as if the person on the other end of the decision making process has just delivered the final words of execution. So my question is, when was the last time you ask for something? To be more clear, when was the last time you asked for something that you really wanted? I don’t remember the last time it has been that long. But there are a lot of things I’d like to have more, and somethings I’ve never had I’d like to have those too.

But, there is that big old nasty barrier called hesitation. It is a big ugly lump that stands between you and all you hope to gain. Hesitation is your self-esteem getting in the way, questioning why you have to risk everything for something so trivial. It is the master manipulator that whispers lies that deceive. Think about it. When was the last time you asked for something that mattered: a vacation with your family? A raise at work? A date with someone you’ve had your eye on? Did you ask, or did you hesitate, question your sanity and walk away? Everyone has done this. That is why asking is one of the hardest things to do.

I can tell you with all honesty I have walked away from more golden moments than I could possible count. How come? I never bedevilled that what I really wanted was worthy of my having it. And so, when you make these kinds of choice, instead dog asking for the things that matter, you revert to the lesser items on your bucket list. You ask for the things that are sure-fire winners and that could never reject you: A lower paying position, or settling for something that is easy because you don’t believe you are worthy enough to receive the one thing you deserve.

Fearing the Big NO

Being rejected can be a terrifying experience. For some people it is paralyzing. They do anything to avoid it, especially taking a risk that involved hearing that word “NO.” But what if you just said the hell with it. What if you stopped caring about rejection altogether? What if rejection didn’t even exist? What would you do if you had to get through 299 rejections before landing the final YES at 300 that was there answer to all your dreams? Would you go for it then, or hide behind the sidelines and watch as someone else strolls up and steals what could have been yours?

“Good things come to those who wait have the courage to ask for it.”

From this day forward you are going to develop a new habit. I call it the “Just Ask For It” habit. It works like this. When you want something, no matter what it is, and you have to ask for it to get out because there is no other way, you are not going to hesitate. If you allow yourself to think about or question whether you should or not, chances are you will think yourself right out of it and back down. Trust me: I have been doing this most of my life. I have learned that good things don’t come to those that wait; they come to those that have the courage to ask for them. Develop the “No More Fear” attitude. Take your life in your own hands instead of letting others dictate what it is you deserve or what you are allowed to have. You decide today what you want. You create the opportunity to get it. You ask for it. Ask nicely at first. If you get a NO, so be it. There is no such thing as rejection; it just isn’t time yet for you to have this “gold” you deserve.

And you deserve the best. Don’t let anyone else tell you differently.

Action Steps:

1. Make a list of all the things you want this year but you have been resisting out of fear of asking. Do you want more time off? Do you want to spend more time with your wife/husband? Whatever it is, make a list of these things that are important.

2. Now, how will you feel if you don’t ask for this thing? Worse yet, you don’t ask for it and someone else does? Don’t let fear win. If you let it take over today, it will continue to do so tomorrow and the day after, too.

Ask For It!

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A Lesson In Excellence

Just a Coffee?

I will always remember the day I had my first lesson in excellence. I went to my favorite coffee shop and was greeted very politely by a young guy working behind the counter. Handing him my large size tumbler I ordered a large coffee, as I always did, and started to count my change out as he disappeared at the end of the counter with my tumbler. As I waited, nearly two minutes had passed and I was growing impatient because I expected everything right away and not being a very patient person especially when it came to coffee, I was feeling my anxiety grow as I noticed the other register next to me had already served three other people…and I was still waiting.

As three minutes had now passed and the next person stepped up to the opposite register to order, I started to pace back and forth, dancing from one foot to the next in the hopes someone would take notice how angry I was getting here. I was paying nearly $3.00 for this coffee and I wanted it now! I decided it was time to act. I leaned over the counter to peer around the large glass case that was blocking my view with every intention of giving this guy a real piece of my impatient mind…and that was when I saw it. I had just opened my mouth to tell him to “Hurry up!” when suddenly there it was, my precious coffee tumbler of nearly three years, held under a tap of running hot water with one hand and in the other hand the coffee guy was scrubbing the insides of it with a metal scrub brush, removing the caked on coffee grime that had gathered there over the years. I realized that this coffee shop employee wasn’t just serving a $3.00 coffee; he was delivering a service experience that would never be forgotten, and he knew it.

I was suddenly filled with an admiration for what was happening and, as I watched, he then filled up my mug with steaming fresh coffee [more than I had ordered] and brought it back to me, placing it on the counter with two hands and, he was still smiling as he wiped sweat from his brow probably because he had to scrub about an inch of grime off the inside of my cup that had accumulated there over the past three years. And if that was not enough, he then apologized or making me wait so long. I realized as I walked away with my cup that not only was I a satisfied customer but that my expectations had been exceeded.

It was then it occurred to me what excellence really is. This young guy, although he was probably being paid the same wages as everyone else at the coffee shop, he was doing his job with one exception…he was doing his work with excellence! I continued to return to that coffee shop again and again and although it wasn’t always necessary to give my cup a good scrubbing, I was always greeted with a smile and served in an efficient and friendly manner, which I later gathered was probably why this place was so popular.

Customers were treated with an appreciation and gratitude that kept them returning. This place not only served great coffee and friendly attitudes but, they were in the habit of serving excellence as well. I was convinced that day that excellence sells, it attracts people, and it sets the standard practice for everything that operates in that field of service. Excellence does make the difference!

Just make up your mind at the very outset that your work is going to stand for quality… that you are going to stamp a superior quality upon everything that goes out of your hands, that whatever you do shall bear the hall-mark of excellence.

~ Orison Swett Marden ~

To determine your own level of excellence through setting standards and willing to accept nothing but the best, there are many companies [and people] that will deliver to you exactly what you ordered. They say that you “Get what you pay for.” This is the attitude that has crippled many organizations and attitudes.

Most people really want to do their best; they want to make a difference but often is the case they lack the know-how, the confidence, or support to follow through. What could be mistaken for laziness might be misguidance or a lack of support and gratitude for best efforts put forward. It is vital that our best work, and the quality of our work, is recognized and appreciated in order that we may continue to deliver a level of quality that is superior to anything else.

Dedication and a Promise to Deliver

Remember that success is something that comes about through a persistent plan of action, a dedication to that plan, and a personal promise that you will fulfill your obligation to the best of your ability. The seed of excellence blossoms from within and so it is here we must tend to its growth, day by day, nurturing ourselves as we would something that has for us great value. Excellence isn’t what happens when you finally reach your destiny; excellence is the road you travel to reach it.

You can’t always expect the best from everyone, but you can expect it from yourself.

 It really makes no difference if you are a world famous talk show host or a struggling musician or writer – you give the same level of dedication and persistence in all of your pursuits. How you do something, even the most minute of tasks, is an expression of how you do everything.

The Critical Difference

Excellence is not the end result of all your efforts; it is the beginning of your best efforts in order to reach higher and higher plateaus of creativity and learning. The people who maintain a consistency of purpose and follow a set of adhering principals, who do not allow ego, resentment, or ambivalence to interfere with their quest for greatness, are the ones that will reap the grandest rewards available to those that perform the tasks they love to do and do with superior craftsmanship. It is the core principles of a life defined by strong actions and desires of the heart that have the strength to set the world on fire.

What are you going to do today that defines your level of excellence? Give someone something that they are not expecting and you will be setting a strong precedent for future success.

Remember: the real value is not in the cost of the product but the level of excellence it is delivered. This makes the critical difference.

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Eliminating Toxic Relationships

 

 

 

 

 

 

Relationships make us or break us. They bring positive energy into our lives, or they sabotage it. Many relationships we have on a  daily basis are static or neutral. They serve a function that has no direct impact on your life. But what about other relationships such as wives/husbands, parents and people we work closely with in business. If your toxic centre emanates from one of these areas, it is having a direct impact on your mindset. The wrong relationship could destroy you; the right one could empower you to do great things.

Why Toxic Relationships Suck

Let’s take an example here. What if you were raised in an environment that did not support you. At every turn you were criticized, belittled, or made-to-feel-less-than at every chance. You would no doubt develop something like an inferiority complex, fear of rejection or, you would go on to pass the same thing to your children. The culture of a toxic relationship is You would inherit that toxicity from your family. It would condition and establish itself as your character. You wouldn’t be able to shake it off like you would a bad cold.

Now, all grown up and living your life, whenever you come into contact with your parents or parent, those feelings are still there. And maybe that person still treats you the way they did when you were a child. The toxicity of this relationship is still at work. The dynamics rarely change but get worse over time. This is why choices, and tough choices, have to be made. Are you going to continue feeding int this, or can you cut the ties altogether.

Now, some of our toxic relationships are not that easy to just get rid of. But, at the very least, you can stop spending as much time around people that make you feel bad. Who needs those negative feelings? And I know how disempowering they are. You can spend weeks or months building up your self-confidence, and then, the one person that has the potential to ruin your confidence comes into your day and you crumble. Your confidence collapses like a weak foundation and you are feel like you are back to the beginning.

Toxic relationships suck because they carry a heavy element of negative energy. You feel powerless when around such people. Feelings of shame, powerlessness, self-defeat, and inferiority are just a few of the feelings that come with it. You are powerless to escape. It could be a boss or superior at work; a parent or brother or sister.  Whomever it is, you have to find a way to compromise with the person, distance yourself from him or her, or break away altogether.

How to Avoid Toxic Relationships

First of all, before you can make the decision that a relationship close to you is causing grief, let’s take a look at what a toxic relationship is. A toxic relationship is any relationship that:

damages your self-esteem;
kills your confidence
makes you feel “small” or “indifferent”
saps your energy and leaves you feeling drained;
creates an unbalance in the relationship with one side dominating or controlling the other.

You get the idea. This kind of relationship, if it is part of your personal life or someone at work, has to be changed. If you try to stick it out and change yourself to please the other person to make their behaviour less toxic, the result will be more demands made on you that you can’t measure up to. Most “toxic people” are so lost in their own control dramas that they rarely see the reality of the situation.

Toxic relationships have to be dealt with. There are really only three ways to do this:

1. Make the relationship better and more positive through communication and mutual understanding. If the person you are struggling to get along with is reasonable and willing to listen and communicate, what you thought was a toxic relationship turns out to be broad differences that can be understood. This would be a win-win situation for you and the other person.

2. Avoid the relationship. This is only possible if it is someone that you don’t have to deal with on a daily basis, such as a coworker or extended family member. If you are in a marriage or relationship that you have to be with that person everyday, dealing with the dysfunctional drama is extremely;y stressful and will wear you down over time. Avoidance works in the short run but if you have to deal with a toxic situation day in and out, avoiding it is an impossibility.

3. Get rid of the relationship altogether and distance yourself. This has the best results when you can walk away. Many situations we can do this, and some we can’t. If you are working with toxic people, you might have to toughen it out until you can find a better job. The problem is, there is no guarantee that your next place of employment won’t have a similar situation. This is why learning to deal with difficult people is a skill you should try to master a little bit every day. This way, instead of just fleeing every time a tough situation comes up, you can try to reconcile it. Or, just tell the other person straight up what you think of them. Don’t walk on egg shells for anyone. Let them know what you find to be unacceptable behaviour. Is this easy? No, but try it a few times and it gets easier.

ACTION TACTICS

1. Identify a relationship that is making you miserable, causing stress, worry, loss of sleep, or depleting your confidence. What is the nature of your relationship? What have you done to this point to change it? If you confronted the person, how was their reaction?

2. Now, what would be the worst thing could happen if you separated from this relationship? Would separation be the ideal solution? Would it be realistic? How would you feel if you put some distance between yourself and the other person for at least 30 days?

3. If a relationship in your life is causing you pain and stress, consider your options. Map out the situation and ask yourself “How would I feel if I took action on this right away?” You might feel fear at the moment, but try and look ahead to the next day, the next week, and the next month.

4. Make a decision to act. Do something. take the first step towards dealing with your “toxic situation” because you know that you are the only one can change it. Don’t waste a minute trying to or waiting for the other person to change. Focus on the change you can make.

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Becoming a Creative Garbage Pro

 

Creativity at it’s Worst

For years I put off doing the creative things I wanted to do, such as writing, music and drawing; I always wanted to be a creative guru in the world of art, and compose a dazzling piece of “something” that people would stop to admire. My imagination was large, and my ambition even bigger. But when I attempted my creative activities, it was like a ball and chain had suddenly strapped itself to my legs. Frozen in fear of even a single brush stroke being wrong, or staring at a blank computer screen right after typing in “Chapter 1″, the earth stood still.

As soon as I picked up a brush or my fingers touched the keyboard, thoughts of doubt and failure came rushing in, a mad order of critical voices that wanted my creative ability efforts to fail. Just like swimming in a race going against the current, my Perfectionist critic inside was my only competitor, and it was a mean one. It set out to defeat my efforts through every means necessary: attacking a would-be-artist when he is attempting to bring something good into the world.

Everybody has a creative side. It might be music or art, writing or photography. There is something about people that drives us to bring life through our art; it is the most powerful form of expression, even more than words. You can look at a magnificent sculpture or read a great haiku and you don’t have to say anything about it. It exists so that there’s no need of deep any deep explanation.

But what about the other artists of the ages? Did they go through the same thing thousands of other writers, musicians  and artisans suffered, that pecking and critical voice that drives most people crazy until they learn to shut it off? I expect so, and yet, this world is flooded with so much great stuff. Why? The creative visionaries that create are willing to fail at the things that most people find unacceptable.

Willing to Create the Worst Thing Imaginable

Someone was told me that self-defeat only succeeds when you believe the lie feeding into your mind. When it came to writing [blog posts] or another creative activity, I gave up any times. I lost years because of the fear that was created by a critic living in my head. I learned to hate that voice, that nagged at every word I put down on paper; if it was a photo I was taking it would say “What are you doing? You are not a photographer!” In my writing sessions it would say “Who do you think you are, the next Hemingway?” I don’t know, but I do know this: Hemingway said the first draft was “shit” and so, my understanding is, if it was good enough for Hemingway to produce crap, it must be good enough for me. But that critical voice is powerful, and it doesn’t give in easily. That’s why you have to keep going. Here is why.

The Tipping Point

Most people that give up do it before they are halfway through. They tire out and lose momentum, unable to see the end of their goal. They view it as something unreachable and can never be achieved. The same thing happens to writers and artist. They give up just when the stuff they are producing is about to show some potential.

History is filled with the graveyard of shattered dreams and good stuff that was never produced. Why? We are continually at war with a voice of self defeat; it is a powerful enemy, and it does not give up easily. In fact, it grows strongest the more creative you really become. That is why you can’t let it win. But how do you push on when all the odds are stacked against you? How do you find the courage to be great when you start to believe the lie that is being perpetuated over and over? Do you simply turn it off? Is it that easy? How can I be willing to accept the criticism of others if I can’t accept my own?

Defeating the “Defeatist Mindset”

For every great masterpiece created, there are ten prototypes that the world never sees. It is the artists way of practicing his or her craft. You must allow yourself to be a bad artist. Don’t control the creative side of your brain; let it do its thing. Let it guide you. Give it space to grow. For example, if you are taking a photo and you are thinking about sending it in to National Geographic for publication, don’t just wait of that on perfect shot before snapping a pic. Take hundreds of photos of the same things from different angles. just let go and do your thing. Let the artist live. Refuse to be defeated by “getting it right”.

Remember, the internal critic is yours; you created it and probably feed into it everyday at an unconscious level. It needs your fear to survive. When you buy into its reasoning, that old enemy of self-doubt sinks in deeper. When you doubt yourself, your defence is to procrastinate. For every great piece of work that the world admires, there is a mountain of trials and failures behind it. Most people quit or suffer frustration because they have forgotten how to fail. Our society goes against that. In school we have tests and examinations to test our knowledge; if you can pass you will have a great future. If you flunk, you won’t.

This fear of failure becomes ingrained into the system. No matter what, you accept your failure right from the start as an event to be avoided. But failure is not an event, it is a point of view. Instead of sitting down to produce something great, settle for something mediocre. There are no tests or passing grades. Nobody has to even see your work. You can just do it for you, and that’s it

Cast Aside Lofty Dreams of Instant Greatness

Am I suggesting that you give up on being great? No. Well, yes, for now. Greatness comes with hard work, not producing a masterpiece in the morning and reaping in big bucks by nightfall. I know what you might be thinking: “But Mozart never created any drafts; he did everything from scratch. There were no rewrites.” Good for him; he was a genius. I am just an ordinary guy trying to write a book that I care about deeply. If it goes onto best seller status, I’ll celebrate. My point is, fame and fortune are poor excuses to be creative. They can motivate you, but it’s a passion thing. And when passion runs out, it becomes a hard work thing. creativity isn’t something you do when you are feeling inspired.

It is a habit that demands you show up and put in the work. You have to be there at a certain time of day everyday in order to produce something. And most of what you produce will never see the light of day. It doesn’t have to. The final product, whether it is a book, a song, painting, or designing a website will be the final result of a string of bad prototypes. So be creative, enjoy failing at what you love to do, and learn greatly from the process.

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Happiness Comes Later: The Ultimate Illusion

The Illusion of a Better Tomorrow

Most people believe being happy is something that is coming later. I will be happy when I get more money, a better job, or meet the right person. You hold onto the belief that what you are doing and being now is not enough, and that “if” this happened and “that” happened, you would finally reach your goal of happiness. I know what this is like. I create great anxiety for myself almost everyday when I have frustration in my work and relationships.

I want everything to be perfect. If only [insert person’s name] would behave the way I want them to be; If only I had more [money, time, freedom, opportunity]. If only I had less [stress, debt, worry, expectations]. It seems that nothing is as it should be, and you can never quite get the perfect combination that would make you totally complete.

My default thinking is “this would end if only…” and then the cycle perpetuates itself into an image of the future. In my illusive state I see myself walking out of my workplace and into a better one, or leaving a relationship that isn’t working only to find myself in a new one. Eventually the new job becomes the old one and that new relationship has problems that weren’t there in the beginning. And guess what? The illusion starts again. Escapism from the present is at the core the “happiness illusion” that many people buy into.

We think that the future has some magical landing point that is just waiting to wrap us up in gifts of gold or a better life. Someone once said to me: “If you want to know what is in your future, look at what you are creating today, right now.” As Eckhart Tolle stated: “Nothing happens in the past or the future; it happens here, in the now.” It is a prolific statement, but it needs to be drilled into the time-based mind that has spent decades lost in either the past or future.

No Guarantees

Resentment and regret are products of living in the past; anxiety and worry are created by thinking about the future and obsessing of the day when everything will be just right with your life, worry free, no bills to pay, life on the beach in Morocco, or finally living the life of your dreams with your loved ones. Although this may be what is waiting for you down the road, you can only arrive there by enjoying what is happening today. There is no guarantee of any future, no matter how much working or planning you do. This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t plan for what is ahead but, dropping expectations leave you free to choose “the moment” and enjoy what is happening today, even if isn’t the perfect situation. And when is a situation perfect.

Comparing States

Making comparisons of your life to others who have more is a pitfall that drags the mind back into its negative state. Someone always has more money, a better job, or a more attractive looking physique. Yes, there is always someone who “appears” to have it better; but this is a dangerous game to buy into. Nothing good comes of it. The truth is others do have more, and a great many others have less. Someone else does have a better job that give them the freedom to travel and live a life fulfilled, and many others don’t have jobs or can barely afford to feed themselves. Yes, there are people who look happier and seem stress-free, and there are many others who hate their lives and wish it would just get better to end the suffering.

Comparisons rob you of the moment to make good decisions that can have a profound effect on tomorrow or the future. And in those moments when you find yourself wishing you were someplace else with someone else living another life to escape the one you are living now, remember that you are where you are because you choose to be. Even if that place is uncomfortable or what you are doing with your life isn’t in alignment with what you really want to be or do.

But the question is: “What do you want to be and do? Who could you become if not the person you are right now?” Many people want to change or do something different, and yet, if you were to ask them what they couldn’t tell you. They might complain about the present situation, wish they had a different one, create a different one, and then eventually be unhappy again. You can see the cycle repeat itself. It is not that you are unhappy but, you refuse to accept the reality of the current state and so the illusion, the hope, that someday will be a better day leads you down a long path to a false reality of what the future is going to be once everything is in perfect alignment.

If you want to be happy, and I am talking real joy without all of the high expectations, then strive to be just that. If you complain and wish that you were someplace else, you can do that too, but the happiness you seek that is available to you today in each passing moment becomes an elusive shadow you keep missing. Now, here is a fantastic technique that is guaranteed to keep you focused and, make you realize that not everything is as is it seems.

Strategy: Watch the Clouds

A friend of mine was told that, to overcome feelings of anxiety and to keep his mind focused on the present moment, I should start watching the clouds. He called this “Cloud Meditation.” When I first heard it I thought it sounded silly, but then I tried it, just a few minutes a day. Within a few weeks it became the most stimulating activity of my day. I do it everyday now for at least ten minutes.

Pick a group of clouds, or just one, and watch it as it floats up there. Check out the contour of its lining; observe the sun as it shines through the cloud, or just behind it giving it that glow effect. Do this for ten minutes if you can and think of nothing else. Let your mind free and drift away from your habitual thoughts of worry and problems.

What I love about this is the simplicity of it. There is no time because it doesn’t really exist. There is nothing to do or achieve. Clouds “just are” which makes them so peaceful to look at. I do this now every morning [except for those bad storm days] and it centers my thoughts for the rest of the day. If I have a chance in the evening I’ll do it again and watch the colors of the evening clouds as they leave us with a colorful sky before the night comes. Make Cloud Meditation a regular habit; you can do it at anytime of the day and it has actually replaced my usual routine of meditating the “traditional” way.

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