Crafting Your Image Through False Expectations

I don’t know of anybody that consciously chooses to fail at anything. it isn’t a deliberate decision. And yet, you may be making important decisions today that are setting you up for failure.

I used to complain that I had no time to do the things that I wanted to do, such as writing blog posts, books or exercising. I used to wish that I had more time in the day and that I could quit my day job to work on my home based business. I would dream of quitting my job that I hated so that I could stay home and spend more time with my kids, and yet, for years I got up early and spent my days at a desk in an office that I didn’t want to be in.

When I look back on these things that I desired not to do but I did anyway, I realize that everything I complained about was based on choices of my own making. Without realizing it, my choices were decisions leading to inevitable frustration and discontent. By making decisions that went against what I truly wanted for my life, I was unconsciously choosing to fail. By not choosing to do what I really wanted, I was choosing to suffer.

Internal Conflicts

For years there has been internal conflict to perform the duties of “what is expected of me” based on the expectations that others had. I chose to fulfill those expectations and, while others seemed temporarily satisfied with my choices, I was not. Have you experienced this? Are you going through a similar phase that demands your attention when you would rather give attention elsewhere? Are you making choices by day and regretting the life you are leading at night? Is there something else you would rather be doing but you can’t seem to find the courage to do it?

For a long time I believed I was weak. Unable to take charge of my life. Afraid to step up and seize the day. After all, why would someone consciously wake up each day and go through a series of motions that they resisted? A job that you hate, a project that you are told to get done by next week because somebody else’s success depends on it, or to be someplace at a certain time everyday because your contract says you have to be. Why couldn’t I make choices that supported my goals and dreams? Why am I slave to my sudden impulses an compulsions? How can I make these changes in my life without rocking the boat?

Choosing Your Identity

You have the power right now to choose who you want to be. You don’t have to build your identity around the expectations of others. If you do this, you will be setting up all your actions to make other people happy. Now there is nothing wrong with making others happy; we should do this for our friends, family, and others who need our help. But you need to make sure that at the end of the day you feel good about who you are and what you have done with your day.

Think about this for a moment and ask yourself these questions no right now: Who are you, really? Are you the person you really want to be? Or, do you feel like an actor on the stage, moving around the stage at someone else’s request? No matter what you are doing at this moment, take a breather to sit on this question and really think about it. It is life changing.

Are you making decisions that are failing you and disempowering? If you are, this could all change . Today. When I analyzed my own feelings, and how I really felt about what I was doing with my time, I could see the life I was leading based on the “life design choices” I was making that went against everything I really wanted. So, I stopped making those decisions. Gradually I changed my identity by giving myself a new voice. I stopped complaining because it wasn’t changing the situation, but just deepening it. Why dig a hole and then bury yourself in it?

I know, the thought is ridiculous, and yet, you may be doing this everyday without consciously realizing it. You are who you think you are all day long; I made those decisions to fail because of who I thought I was. But can you change your identity overnight? No, but you can start today to do things a little differently. Act and think differently than you normally do, and change will come. create an image of who you are and not who you think you should be.

Changing the Internal Program

You could be living out your “character identity” based on years of conditioning. I am not suggesting change everything right away, and act impulsively by quitting your job, getting a divorce and moving into a monastery, but changes begin with building a conscious reality of what is going on within you, not around you. Too many people are like reactive machines, responding to everything taking place around them by following a routine that is built in and programmed. You can change your programming, but only if you wake up to this and make a conscious choice to do so. You can still “act the part” and play the role that the world around you expects, but inside, keep it to yourself. For now.

When we think of failure we often think in terms of “not measuring up” as it relates to other peoples expectations of us. I realized that I wasn’t as concerned about stumbling or falling down as much as I was concerned about failing to live up to the expectations everyone wanted of me. By living out this false identity that has been crafted into my daily actions and way of thinking, I was living somebody else’s life. Like the actor on stage that waits for the next cue, I was on standby awaiting the next set of lines to be delivered so I could keep on playing the role. It is a false sense of self and, when you awaken to this, you fully come to understand who you are and what you can really do. It is a powerful sense of awaking.

Take Away Action Steps:

1. On a piece of paper or at your computer, make a list of character traits you believe you have. Don’t think to hard about this; just start writing down anything, in short point form or one words.

2. Observe yourself “acting” out your day. Really listen to what you talk about with people. Actually step out of yourself and become an observer of your actions throughout the day. This is really the first step towards “self-actualizing.”

3. For the moment forget about what it is you are suppose to be doing. Start to write about all the things you have eve wanted to do, be and have in your life. Don’t stop to think about what others may approve or disapproved of. Remember, no matter what you do, somebody all always be unhappy or dissatisfied. It just doesn’t have to be you. Building your identity begins with deciding consciously who you really are, and then creating the actions and habits that are consistent with this self-image.

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