Rick Jantz's Blog, page 6

Gratitude: Now And Still To Come

Gratitude: there’s more than you thought and more still to come.

Gratitude – everyone’s talking about it, journaling about it, expressing it, and writing books about it.  But for many of us, we tend to ignore it and not give it proper reflection.

Do some have more to be grateful for than others?  I don’t think so. I think that some, and this includes me, don’t give gratitude enough time in our thoughts and journaling.  I have at least two journals that have a place to write down what I’m grateful for on a daily basis. But I’m not consistent with this and can even go at least a month without giving it much thought.

What about you?  Do you find it easier to ignore what many say is a way to heal?  Let me ask you this: if you look, are there people and things that you are truly grateful for?

We need to become aware of even the small things that we should be grateful for.  Things that we take for granted: breathing, walking, health, just to name a few. Have you ever stopped and realized how grateful we should be for these things?  Take any of them away and your life is changed, sometimes dramatically.

We all have people who are important to us.  Family, friends, co-workers, even those we meet in public.  Be grateful for the people in your life and the fact that they’re in your life.  Sure, we can criticize some and even scoff at them but that’s not being fair with them or yourself.  

Find the good in each one of them and be grateful for their place in your life.  This will change your view of them and how you treat them. It will also change how you view yourself when you recognize the value in another.

When I began to be grateful for my co-workers, my attitude towards them changed and I found myself more interested in their lives, even their successes.

Isn’t this worth pursuing when it helps them and ourselves?  Wouldn’t you rather be more content and realize this through gratefulness?

For me, the answer is, “Yes.”  I will be grateful and I will take the time to write it in my journal and show others the truth I wish to live.  What about you? Is it worth it to you?

Listening To Your Voice

What calls to you from deep inside?  Listen to that voice, it’s who you’ve been looking for.

In a busy world, it’s hard to slow down and listen.  But even if we could, what are we listening for? Our jobs, family, even our free time dictate that we keep moving, do something useful, and not be seen as “a slacker.”  But there is something more and we block it out by keeping busy.

Whether by choice or by external circumstances such as health, we do need to find the time to find our calling.  There is something calling to each of us from deep inside, something that calls us to be more: to be more genuine, loving, helpful, and kind.  These mean to ourselves and to those we know or meet.

There’s a voice, your voice, calling to you from your heart.  You need to figure out how to hear this voice and then to follow what it’s saying to you.  It could be as simple as reminding you to be kind to the person you pass on the street. Or as big as, “You need to change what you’re doing or what you’re doing is going to harm you or others.”

I journal – a lot!  I have favourite books I like to read and oftentimes they come with questions that I take the time to answer, in writing.  It’s in writing, my preferred method is pen and paper, we are forced to slow down to write out our thoughts. Sometimes, when I’m writing a truth, my pen slows down and I’m deeply experiencing the words I am writing.  This can happen with typing as well but I find there’s a deeper connection with writing by hand. It flows from my spirit to my hand, and in the flowing is the answer I need.

What’s coming out is the voice that is whispering to you from your locked-up heart and it is that voice that is directing you to become the person you know you want to be.  Listen to it. Understand it. Allow it. Because this voice is your voice and it is giving you the answer you have been looking for.

Using Mind Mapping For My Book Outline

A Bright New Idea

I’m working on a new novel outline and as I was working on the characters, and getting all these terrific ideas and scenes, it occurred to me to mind map as I developed the outline.

There’s always so much going on in your head when you’re outlining that it’s easy to forget some of these great ideas – and how characters relate to one another. Answer: Start a mind map and keep adding to it as your outline evolves.

A Juxtaposition of Programs

I’ve used mind mapping before: once when I was active with an online marketing website and again when I was given a blank notebook and the only thing I could think to use it for was to mind map.

The notebook is great as I now mind map a great many things:

Writing ideas

How we make choices in life

“Finding” ourselves

Redesigning my life

Even journaling ideas

I enjoy using mind map programs online and have personally used Bubbl.us (not an affiliate). I’ve recently become aware of Google’s MindMap which has a Chrome extension that I’m curious about because I use Google email and Drive extensively. I’m going to check that out.

But as a writer, and I’m sure you can relate, there’s nothing like pen and paper (or whiteboard and markers) to really get the ideas flowing. I’ll take pictures of my whiteboard before erasing (deleting?) so I always can go back. But my notebook preserves these as I go, which has become my go-to more and more.

Is Mind Mapping an Outline Redundant?

I’m not sure about this because it’s the first time I’m trying it and will update this with another post down the road.

Like I’ve said, I have so much going on with my new outline that I need some way to have a convenient reference for these big ticket items like characters, setting (which I haven’t even started yet), and likely even scenes so that those ones that are foreshadowed are correctly linked to one another.

I will say that I’m already keeping the page from my mind map notebook open beside me as I go through my outline program and, so far anyway, it’s proving useful as new, bigger ideas come up about my characters.

What about you? Have you mind mapped before and has that worked for you? And specifically, have you mind mapped as you’ve outlined your book? I’d really like to hear about any successes or even ideas you might have about this. Thanks.

The M&M Thief On The Second Floor – Part One

The middle of October, everyone’s thoughts are turning to the inevitable: what do my kids want to dress up as this year?  What do I want to dress up as?  Which party will be “the one” to be at this year?  And my favorite, who’s bringing the best candies to work this year?

So far it’s Lucy and her small packages of M&M’s that seem to be the odds-on favorite.  And the proof is that the little black dish holding these treasures is empty more often than not.  At first, we all thought it was because Lucy left the dish on the open table on the outskirts of cubicle land.  It was in the main thoroughfare and sat high enough so that anyone could just grab a packet without breaking stride.

But then something interesting happened.  There was an all day workshop we were all expected to attend except for a small skeleton staff (excuse the Halloween pun) that had to stay behind and carry on with the humdrum of answering calls and typing reports.

And the M&M’s continued to disappear at the same rate!

The next day we were all gathered around the empty dish in a moratorium for the candies we would never taste.  We cast suspicious looks at those who had been left behind, throwing lightning bolts of accusation at them that dared deprive us of our sweets.  For some reason, the guilt I think, this band of thieves was all clustered on the same side of the table.

“Screw it,” Lucy said.  “If you guys can’t share I’m not doing this anymore.”  And she glared at everyone, including those of us throwing lightning bolts.

“They are your candies,” a brave soul spoke up, from behind me, the coward.  “I guess you’re allowed to eat as many as you want.  But…”  He filled the dish with his innuendo.

“But what?” Wendy asked.  “Do you think those of us who were here yesterday ate them all?  I’ll have you know that we all went for lunch together and toasted the schmucks who had to go to the workshop.”  The others nodded their agreement and folded their arms across their chests, daring us to attack this story.

Our Team Leader, bless his leadership, spoke up, “Of course we’re not blaming you.  And even if you did eat them all that’s fine.”  Unfortunately, his crooked smile didn’t help his case.

“I filled the dish before we left and when we got back, all the candies were gone.  We think that some of you slipped over on your lunch break and helped yourself.”  Lucy’s eyes dared them to dispute this theory.  Now I understood why they grouped themselves together; it was no casual thing; it was them against us.

I should have been sucking on an M&M instead of opening my big mouth, but there weren’t any, and the answer seemed so obvious.  “There’s a thief amongst us.”  Oops, all eyes were on me to explain further.  Oh the hell with it, I thought, it’s Halloween, let’s make it a good one.  “Think about it you guys; the office is totally empty during lunch.  The bowl gets filled with candy.”  I paused and leaned over the table, my hands resting on each side of the dish.  “It’s a perfect crime of opportunity.”

That did it, and we became one!  There was someone else, and that person was likely bouncing off the walls and ceilings as we spoke; they should be easy enough to find.

“Really Ted?  Do you think someone broke in here?  It’s a call center for crying out loud.”  Lucy’s sarcasm dashed my dreams of marrying her someday.

“Hold on,” Wendy said.  “The cleaning staff and maintenance staff are always coming and going.  I don’t think they have lunch at the same time we do.”

My hopes rose when Lucy relaxed her arms to her side, possibly thinking that maybe I wasn’t full of crap after all.

Mr. Team-Lead again, “I’m going to speak to their boss!”  My competition for Lucy’s hand turned quickly to leave, which was fine by me until he realized that he would be leaving Lucy in my capable hands.  Coming back he stopped in front of her and asked, “What kind of M&M’s were they again?”

“The chocolate kind.  Duh!”  A point for me.

The warm blush told everyone he knew he was a bonehead.  But the man was persistent – you don’t get to be Team Lead without covering up your screwups.  “No, I mean, were they the little orange bags or the brown ones?  M&M’s come in different flavors.”

Point number two for me.  This guy was walking Lucy down the aisle into my waiting arms.  And then, crap…

“Really?”  My blushing bride betrayed my love.  “I thought they put them in those colored packs for Halloween?”

“Oh no,” he had the floor and the girl I thought was mine in the palm of his hand.  “They come in chocolate, dark chocolate, peanut, and even pretzel flavors. And of course, we all know they have different colors.”  Can’t pay these guys too much, I figured.  Maybe if I was a Mars Bars encyclopedia I could become Supervisor…and squash these M&M know-it-alls.

Start up the wedding march; she was falling for it, and I would be lucky if I would be the usher at their ceremony.  Hold on, I started this charade and needed to take it back.  “It doesn’t matter what flavor they are, Mike.”  Dork would have been better, but he was my boss, for now.  “The point is that they are missing and we have a thief amongst us who knows when we’re not going to be here.”  That should grab their attention.  It did, Lucy looked apprehensively over her shoulder, and the church was mine for the taking.

And help came from where it wasn’t needed.  “Ted’s right.”  Wendy’s eyes told me who should be walking towards me.  “They’re gone, and we need to find the thief.”

The unexpected crashing of a cleaner’s cart into the wall caused us all to jump clean out of our skins, what with our talk of thieves and danger.  Whirling towards the sound, we all spotted the thief!  Pulling her homemade sweater tightly around her, the housekeeper closed the hallway door she had let herself through and glared at us from blue eyes made bluer by the color of the wool.  Clutching a mop in her gnarled hands, she looked quite prepared to knock us all back on our keesters or, at the very least, summon her winged monkeys to rain M&M’s on our unprotected heads.

“Whaddya all starin’ at?” she shrieked (she actually had the Wicked Witch of the West’s voice.)  She grabbed her cart and charged at us, hell-bent to cause havoc within our tightly knit group.  We moved, but a few toes felt the weight of her cart as she pushed by us looking neither right or left.

Our circle rejoined, staring after the waddling caboose, half expecting to see a trail of M&Ms following in her wake.  Now that’s too much information, except for Mike apparently.  I happened to look at his scrunched up, drooling face pondering the disappearing woman’s backside like a cat about to pounce on an unsuspecting mouse.

Cusses and injuries were still being expressed from the victims around the table when Mike told them to “Shush, I’m thinking.”  Oh, oh.  Not good.  They fell silent, letting him churn things over.  I half-expected to see smoke blasting from his ears, he thought so hard.

Turning to the group our Team Lead prepared his flock to jump over the cliff with him.  “I have it figured out, you guys.”  He paused for effect and was rewarded with more silence.  “We need to follow her and see where she has her stash.”

Lucy, God bless her, with hands on her hips looked at this clown and could only sputter, “What are you talking about?”

Convinced of his wisdom, and preening in front of her, Mike answered.  “Don’t you see?  She has the means to get in.  She can come and go when she pleases.  And,” a long pause for, “she looks like she has been living on M&M’s all her life.”

The silence that greeted this last conclusion was delicious.  This guy was such a schmuck.  Lucy and that Supervisor job were looking better all the time.  Why not help out a bit?

“You might be onto something there, Mike.  She’s been here longer than the building, and I’ve caught her eyeballing the leftovers in the fridge.”

I’ve never seen so many heads snap in the same direction so fast when they looked down the aisle she had disappeared.  Is there such a thing as group whiplash?

“I’ve seen the same thing,” Wendy chimed in with her support for me.  “One time I caught her putting a Tupperware dish back in the fridge.”  She smiled her love at me.

“Great work, Ted and Wendy.”  He must have paid attention at his latest team building class.  “Let’s go!”  Without waiting to see if his flock would follow he headed off in pursuit of our criminal.  This was bordering on the absurd, so I was the first to follow so I would be sure to hear the goofball’s next revelation.

Moving lighter than feathers on the wind, twenty-four feet followed our dumb-ass leader to his doom.  Creeping quietly around the corner leading into the kitchenette we all witnessed my revelation, the woman had her face buried nose-deep in the common fridge while her ample bottom wiggled its sack of captured M&Ms back and forth.

“Caught ya!”  Mike scared the pants off of most of us and made the woman smash her head against the metal shelf in the fridge.  Tupperware, water bottles, and ketchup packages poured out as the rack banged to the floor and the woman screeched in pain.  Oh, that wasn’t ketchup on her forehead, the idiot scared her so bad she had a gushing welt on her forehead that was turning her sweater to an accusing shade of red.

“Ow, ow, ow,” she cried, clutching a withered hand to the wound.  Another screech when she saw the blood on her sweater and, pulling her hand away to stare at the blood, she dropped dead!

Her body slammed to the tiled floor, and she lay still, blood running from her head to the floor.  And then Wendy swooned, the carnage too much for a tender woman such as she.

Mike was in shock, like a murderer should be.  But Lucy, dear Lucy, my M&M angel, sprang into action.  Racing to the woman’s side she knelt down and placed two lovely fingers on the hag’s throat.  

“I don’t feel a pulse.”  Looking over her shoulder in fear her mouth drop in disgust at our frozen leader but whispered up at me, silently asking for my help.  How could I say no?

Marching my all-knowing self to her side, I bent down and gently eased her fingers to the side of the woman’s neck.  “Try here,” I coached, removing her fingers from the woman’s throat and placing them to the side of the woman’s neck.  She didn’t notice the blood trickling underneath, that was payment for considering Mike’s advances over mine, I decided.

“Ooo,” she murmured when she felt the pulse.  “She’s not dead.”  Elated, she shared her discovery with the others.  

The vultures descended, sure that Lucy was mistaken and that they would see an actual dead body and know that their M&Ms were safe.  Too bad for them, the sweater suddenly expanded out and then collapsed in as the woman took a deep breath of air.  I looked at her face and into her glazed eyes, not realizing they had been fixated on me while I knelt foolishly over her.

“We’re so sorry.  Are you OK?”  Why was I apologizing when I wasn’t the one who did this.  I looked over at Mike, hoping she would divine that it was the knucklehead over there that had done this to her.  It didn’t work; she was still looking at me when I looked down at her again.  Only now her eyes weren’t glazed but crazed.

Why Don’t We Do What We Know We Need To Do?

It’s impossible – those dreams we have and the ideals we want to live up to – those things which we know we ought to do but don’t do.  And knowing we deliberately avoid these things says something – that we know what we are avoiding and make other poorer choices.  Well, our choices now may lead to problems later.

The Cost of My Choices

Let me start out by saying that I do consider myself fortunate in many ways.  First of all, as of the date of writing this, I have lived a total of 58 years.  Not bad.  More than some and fewer than many.  And I would prefer not to end anytime soon.  However…

Two and a half years ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes.  It’s controlled with pills and diet (although I still need to do better with my eating habits.)  The thing is, this was a preventable disease, but throughout the 56 years leading up to my diagnosis, I chose things that would increase my risk of contracting the disease.  Like eating, smoking, not exercising, and being overweight.

These were all preventable and even though I knew I needed to take better care of myself, I didn’t.  It always happens to someone else, right?  I’m invincible, right?  Not so much.

Here’s an interesting journal entry a week after I was diagnosed:

One week as a diabetic.  Eating healthier than I ever have.  Starting to exercise.  But these suck because of the reason.  Eyesight diminishing – can only see the shapes of what I’m writing here, not the actual letters; it’s frightening.  Feet still tingling.  Injuries could be deadly – I don’t want to lose a foot.

Read today that Type 2 diabetes was preventable – I did it to myself; unlike those born with it.  They’re blameless; I’m not.  Sort of like smoking – my decision, my health – society’s price tag.

I’m doing better, but I’m still on the pills and could do better with my diet.  Let’s call me a “work in progress.”  But, I recently quit the gym and left my personal trainer because I realized (besides the high price tag) that I needed to do this on my own or not do it at all – and watch my health continue to deteriorate.

What Can You Do?

You can go to a million seminars, read a million books, follow a million people on social media, or heck, even win a million dollars and, while these might help (don’t focus on the money), there is still only one answer – and that is you.

Here are some things that might help:

Pen, Keyboard, Mic – You Pick

The point here is that you take the time to write or record your ideas, dilemmas, and choices.  Get them down and then stand back and take a good look.  Write your pros and cons if you must but note what your options are and make your choices deliberate.

I know from experience that writing things down helps me understand whatever it is that’s in front of me.  It might be a school choice, a career choice, a partner choice, or whether or not I should go to McDonald’s or Wendy’s.  

Writing, or recording helps with choices (listing things in columns are one of my favorites) because then you can brainstorm and even go back later and “listen” to your thoughts.  The answer is often staring you back in the face – it’s maybe that you don’t like the answer you see because it demands more than you wanted to give.

Take Action on Your Thoughts

It’s great that we write things down, but what do we do with them now?  I have a bunch of journals with great ideas, grand plans…and a lot of morose ponderings (a phrase I’ve substituted for depression – like it?)  But here’s something I pulled out from over 30 years ago.  See if it applies to you today:

As I sit here alone behind my four walls, I see exemplified on my bookshelf that which I desire to be:

“The Complete This…
“The 10 Steps To…”

A literary reflection of what I wish to be that makes me realize I’m not whole.

Don’t just “wish upon a star,” make a plan that gets you to where you want to go and to who you want to be…and be ruthless in your intent to follow through.

That Little Small Voice

Another great way to know what it is that you need to do or change is to listen to that little small voice; that gut-feeling if you prefer.  It’s there, and it’s banging loud from within.  The problem is that life pounds louder on the other side.  And in between the two is you: that debating, rationalizing, and sometimes foolish self that fears moving forward with anything because it’s too hard or requires that we give up things that are pleasurable – in the moment.

And sometimes that’s exactly the problem: we are sensual people and live mostly from our senses; those things that we can see, touch, smell, taste, and hear.  Far too often we base our decisions on pleasing our five senses, yet knowing that it harms only one person – you!

Find your way to listen to your small voice.  Whether it’s a walk, a boat ride, meditation, talking with a friend – don’t shut that voice up.  Let it speak and learn to listen.  Often, what works as well is to ask yourself: “If I had to choose right now I would…”.

It’s On You!

That’s what I realized when I left my trainer – it’s on me.  I was either going to continue with the exercises she developed for me, or I was going to return to my couch-potato mindset, gain weight and know my health would continue to deteriorate.  And that’s why I wanted to write this post.  This is not an “I think” moment but an “I know” moment – the choice, meaning the success or failure, is for each of us to make.

Don’t pretend it’s not.  Don’t ignore what you know you have to do.  Don’t do those things that harm you; they may not catch up to you now, but they will catch up to you.

Do what you know you need to do – Do what you know to be right.

Guide The Citizens

Born in the storm

Of mighty wind howling, the baby awakes

The tempest rages while parents rejoice

The room weeps for another

Unwitting form

In our neighborhoods

We know the usual but not another’s

We decorate our yards in comparison

One-upmanship reigns

Others starve

The world’s tyrannies

Shout across the oceans at others blame

We, secure in our righteousness

Change our attention

Another one dies

This planet our home

Cries in pain we cause deliberately

It looks beyond yet lives within

Asks the heavens

Guide the citizens

A Couple of Christmas Ideas

I’m sure you’ve seen them: 10 Great Christmas Gifts, 5 Things to Do With Your Family, 1001 Great Christmas Quotes.  Of course, I’ve made those up (maybe they exist, but that’s not my point.)  We all fall for the 5 or 10 step programs, ideas, gifts…whatever.  So I decided to not do that.  Here are just a couple of ideas about Christmas.

Wander the Mall and Enjoy

Far too often we’re all hustling and bustling, lists in hand, credit card zeroed down, sprint shoes on, and intent in our purpose to get done and out…in record time if possible.  I met a guy today who had a bunch of bags with wrapped presents who commented that he was in and out of the mall in an hour.  He seemed very pleased with his accomplishment (I was rather impressed as well – a guy’s dream, right?)

Stop!  Let everyone else do that.  Why don’t you just sit and watch, maybe with a coffee or water in hand?  Let the human rivers flow by on each side and observe.

Or wander slowly in the slow lane (I like to clasp my hands behind my back) and join the flow, allow yourself to be carried along by the busyness, the intentness, the focus to find the perfect gift at the best price.

But here’s the thing: whether sitting or wandering, look into people’s faces, graciously move aside for them, ask about the presents their buying.  Enjoy the importance they are giving to what they’re doing; because what they’re doing, at that moment (or hour) is the most important thing to them right now.  

They have loved ones they want to, or have to, buy stuff for.  They’re motivated, determined to get the perfect gift, and can’t go home until they do so.  Get involved, be compassionate for the importance they are bringing to what they’re doing.  Sure they want to get home with their treasure…and that’s how they hope the recipient will see it as well – as treasures that were searched for with thought, with anticipation of the wrapping paper getting shredded off, with joy in seeing faces light up and laughter bubbling forth.

The shoppers are in the mall with a purpose – and you can see it written all over their faces.  Anticipate with them that the gift will be happily received when they gleefully “rush home with their treasures.”

Help Others Arrive Safely

Who wants to hear of or be directly involved with a tragedy at Christmas?  I know it’s any time throughout the year actually, but Christmas is a heightened time of family and togetherness.  Let’s not take that away from one another.

So…drive safe, drive courteous, let the other person in.  If we watched out for one another while driving to and from the stores, while going for visits, and even when going home from work (remember those mall workers have families and want to get home, too), then we would all arrive safely.  Like my boss likes to say, “Stay safe out there.”

Pay It Forward to Someone You Don’t Know

Wikipedia defines pay-it-forward as: “an expression for describing the beneficiary of a good deed repaying it to others instead of to the original benefactor.”

Have you ever been involved with a pay-it-forward at a drive-through?  When the person in front pays for the person behind them, regardless of the cost?  Try it yourself the next time you’re in a drive-through.  Don’t wait for it to happen, give the person behind you an unexpected Christmas present.  You’ll feel good.

Our family was out for supper about a month before Christmas, and we noticed a senior citizen eating by himself.  I don’t know why but I wanted to pay for his meal.  I admired his boldness in going out to a restaurant to eat and not confining himself to his home alone.  Then the debate in my head started: even if he didn’t know, would he be offended, would he proudly say, “I’m not a charity case,” and refuse the money?  Would he feel even worse because he was by himself and we weren’t?  I didn’t know.  

Finally, I said screw it, stopped my self-debate, and gave the waitress the money with instructions to anonymously pay for his supper and the waitresses to then divide whatever was left.  

Sometimes we just need to do the good deed and ignore our inner debates about whether we should do it or not.

BTW: Christmas = 365 Days

We always ask, why do we only treat each other like this at Christmas?  Why can’t we be like this, care like this, get together like this all year round?  I don’t know – you tell me why we can’t move from an annual event to an always event?  Of course, sans 365 gifts.  Although I want…

But really, why aren’t we more aware of the spirit of Christmas throughout the year?  It’s like the holiday decorations and obligations smack us in the face around Thanksgiving and then go for a long nap with Father Time in the New Year.

I’m sure you would agree with me that seeing trees, tinsel, and colored lights would lose their appeal if left out ten more months of the year.  But maybe, just maybe, we could leave a nutcracker, an elve, or even a jolly Saint Nick stuffy on the shelf to remind us what we only think during that “most wonderful time of the year.”

Wisdom and Wrinkles

What life I wonder did you have,

As you your past do view?

Seams and crevasses are your lot,

Your life is nearly through.

Wrinkles have your face possessed,

And crows have walked upon.

Gone is freshness of your youth,

Your smile is nearly gone.

Life you thought would never end,

Those many years ago.

But pass it does and oh so swift,

Tis past before you know.

But something more I yet do see,

Looking through the folds.

It’s something only you can have,

That only you could hold.

Now I know! I see it clear,

I’ve found it in your eyes.

Wisdom’s there, its shining forth,

Claimed by a thousand cries.

Wisdom and wrinkles, I see them there,

Not one but two make you.

You’ve led your life and now be blessed,

I see the inner you.

But now I wonder of my own life,

For your age I do aspire.

Will I the same as you do look,

And have same inner fire?

In This Moment, What Can You Do?

So many things we want to do – so few things we do.  Why is that?  

 

We wonder, we ponder, we visualize, we dream.  And in the thinking, we don’t DO anything.  So how do we change and become that which we wish to be?

The Unseeable Future

A dog can think past his nose when there’s a dish of food ten feet away and nothing between him and it.  Beyond that, forget it.  He knows his immediate need and he feeds it.

But to be human: future-gazing seems to be our destiny and our curse.  We look to the days (and years) ahead and think, “Once I have this, or do that, or have lots of money, or…or…or.”  We convince ourselves that only something in the future can appease our hunger today.

But tomorrow never comes until after today is over.  And today is all the time that we have to affect who we are and what we do.  “Eat now,” for tomorrow we’ll be hungry again.

As I write this:

I have all of these thoughts swirling through my head about what I would still like to do with whatever time I have…and I do nothing.
I’m thinking about things I need to do tomorrow when I’ve already set the plan in motion.  How many times and in how many ways can I tweak what is ready?  
I think about all the things that could go wrong before I’ve even lived them.

And then I realize that “today” I was fine, and worries from yesterday never happened.  But I ignore the satisfaction and joy from that…because I’m already distracted by tomorrow.

So as I write, as I think about supper today, as I pet the dog, I must trust in what I have set in motion for tomorrow and enjoy these simple things of today.

The Unforgettable Past

If the future is not enough we also overwhelm ourselves with memories, past regrets, things we didn’t do, and folks who have wronged us (revenge takes up so much of our thoughts and time).  

I’m sure we’ve all heard that we get hard-wired into who we’ll be by the time we’re five (or so).  In other words, we look back and blame our upbringing, our parents, our teachers, anyone who had a hand in developing who we are.

I say: let it go.  Get over it.  As adults, we’re now in charge of ourselves and the decisions are ours to make.  And not just the decisions but the consequences as well.  But…we just can’t let those slights and injustices go…so we mull, we ponder, we come up with excuses…and another day passes.

How does reliving the past help us live today?  Sure, there’s lessons to be learned so learn them – and move on from yesterday and into today.  Today is where it’s at!  And this moment is where you are?  Don’t pretend that those things that came before are the only things you have today.

What Can You Do Right Now?

At this moment – right now – what can you do that you know you can and should do?  It doesn’t have to be a big, life-changing event that you think needs to happen before you can be who you know you truly are.  It can be in the smallest of things – go for a walk, do the dishes, and one that I’m a particularly a big fan of — write in your journal.

In the themes of our journals are the themes of our lives.

For myself, I have always considered myself a writer and yet have done far too little to advance that goal.  But that hasn’t stopped me from dabbling in ideas.  I have half a dozen story outlines, plays, and even some “lofty” poems that I would like to work on, but I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to picking one and staying with it.  Why?  

What if it’s the wrong choice?
Will it be a money-maker?
Does it represent my values, what I hold dear?
Who am I to think others would read what I write?

All of these questions…and here I sit, pretending not to know the answer.  

Can you see both my future fears and past hang-ups in the list above? They’re there, and it’s for me to figure out my way through these fears as I learn to move forward.

I think we second-guess ourselves and get frozen in the “what-ifs” and “I’m-not-good-enough.”  What we should do is pick that one thing, that one project, that one self-discovery we want to make and, well, you guessed it – just do it!

We create our obstacles when we think or talk too much about what we want to do.  Decide what you want to do, right now, and live by that – ruthlessly!

Instead of talking about what I want to do

I must do what I’m talking about

So I can talk about what I do

And I can start – in this moment.

You Could’ve – You Debated – You Didn’t

Don’t you just love it when a great idea or opportunity comes along, you overthink it, and then you let it go? You’ve talked yourself out of it; a one-time thing that is forever gone. And then you always wonder what would have happened if you had only taken the chance and did it?

That happened to me 35 years ago, and I’ve always wondered what could have happened to me, where would I be today if I had made a different choice. At the time, I had to choose between a basketball scholarship and a job that would make me more money over the long run. Guess what I chose? More on that later.

You Could’ve – Your Opportunity

Many things come our way that we need to make decisions about. Jobs. School. A house. A partner. Sometimes it’s as simple as deciding whether or not we want to do drive-through at our favorite coffeeshop (which is actually what prompted this post.)

There are both simple and difficult decisions we must make. Sometimes quickly, and oftentimes life-changing. And with some choices, it’s not until we’re older and can look back and know that things could have been different if only we had…

Robert Frost captured these “forks in the road” in his brilliant poem, “The Road Not Taken.” In that story, he tells how the traveller took the road less travelled and how it made all the difference.

While true, it also implies that it was the best of two roads…one that not many take. Sometimes the road not taken is the road we’ve always wondered about, and regret not taking. While too late now, it’s still one of those moments in our lives that we wonder about; a “shift” in our lives that would have had a dramatic impact and kept us on the road we were meant to be on.

We may think, or even fool ourselves into believing, that we made the best decision for ourselves at the time; but, I think we think ourselves out of what might have been the better, albeit lonelier, road. And it’s likely not the popular road, but it is our road.

You Debated – Your Doubts Arrive

Oh, how easy it is to become our own worst enemy and let that “noggin” sitting between our shoulders come up with all sorts of reasons why we should or shouldn’t do something.

We swat reasons for and against back and forth, faster than a tennis ball pulverized on a professional tennis court. We write pros and cons ad infinitum, we badger family and friends to get their advice (maybe they’ll let slip something actually useful), or might even ask God or flip a coin to let the fates decide.

I agree that many things, especially those bigger life decisions, need to be given good and proper consideration. After all, these are the decisions that set the course of our lives in so many ways. And we shouldn’t take them lightly.

However, the point is, we often over think and fear to risk. So we take the safe path, convincing ourselves that the other choice would be too difficult and too risky. But when we look back we can see that the other choice, the one we didn’t make, was actually more in line with who we are and could have become. And maybe that’s the road less traveled.

You Didn’t – Another Chance Bites the Dust

Far too often, we talk ourselves out of making a choice that we forever regret – or at least realize would have made us a better person at the time and into our future.

Back to my basketball story. I would have received a $500.00 scholarship (a lot in those days) if I had joined the college team. I had only gone to one of three tryouts and decided not to continue. The coach called me up and wanted me to come back and join the team based on that one tryout. And what did I say? “I’m taking a job, coach, so I can’t play.”

Money over a team sport. Dollar signs over a winning (or losing) scoreboard. Buying stuff over staying true to myself and what I can do. And here’s what happened to me: I worked nights (more money with shift premiums) but had to drop out of college: at first because I couldn’t stay awake in class, and then, I didn’t care if I went to class…so I didn’t.

So I dropped out (I suspect they booted me out but sometimes selective memory helps us block the bad stuff) but I made lots of money…and was popular with the college students who didn’t have any.

This was one time (there are others, believe me) when I talked myself out of what was a great opportunity for me as a young man and was in line with who I was and what I could do (maybe I would have become a gym teacher, which was my dream after high school.)

Some Things We Can Learn From Looking Back

When have you done this to yourself? Debated something to death until your only choice, it seemed, was not to do it because you had twisted yourself up so bad that you lost sight of the original, and best decision you needed to make?

Here are 10 things that might help:

Trust your gut, your intuition. Often that “little small voice” is the one screaming loudest.
Don’t overthink yourself out of an opportunity. It may have presented itself to you because it’s something you desire and must pursue.
Try one “could have” things before it’s gone so you’re not thinking “should have.”
Yes, it can be risky taking “the road less traveled”. It will sometimes be lonelier, but think of it this way, you are the only one harvesting the riches on the path.
If you’re thinking too much…find a brick wall and knock some sense into your logical mind and just say, “yes” (and then go to the hospital.)
Remember that anyone you go to for their opinion offers you exactly that – their opinion. That doesn’t make it right or wrong or gospel. It simply means it’s their opinion and is often based on their perspective of the world.
Distinguish between what is from the true you versus what is from the fantasizing you. Basketball was the true me and the job (money) was the greedy me. And yes, I have always regretted not playing a few years of college ball.
Don’t follow the masses off the cliff (I know, cliche) but do follow your heart in the direction you want to go.
You will find there are more people on that road with you as it becomes more and more accepted to deviate from the “normal” expectations of society.
Don’t look back and wish – look forward and do.

I wish you all the best as you make the choices that are best for you.