Rick Jantz's Blog, page 3

Grandma’s Bell

The bell nailed on the house.

Distant laughter of screaming children.

The two would soon be one

as a wrinkled hand

grabbed the chain

and whipped it furiously.

Pavlov’s dog re-imagined

in the speedy response to lunch

the bell demanded.

Parents ring and are ignored.

Grandma rings a command.

How can children tell

grandma’s touch?

With what power

does she whip the clapper?

This bell, a magic bell,

from grandma’s heart to theirs,

a ringing bond of love.

The bell mounted on our wall

it’s work of calling wayward children

is over, except for the memories.

Adult children tear up

when they visit

and remember fondly

grandma’s call.

Silent now the bell vibrates

waiting for the next round of grandkids.

You Are The Life Of Your Dreams

Focus on the desires of your heart and you will be living the life of your dreams.

Throughout life, we continually ask, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”  Never satisfied and always searching, some say they never find.

But isn’t the better question to ask is, “Who do you want to be when you grow up (recognizing we’re always growing)?”  Society, and therefore each of us, tends to focus on the “what” and not the “who.” Bring who you are to what you do.

And the way to find who you are is to listen to your heart.  Listen to that still, small voice inside of you, that “feeling-in-your-gut-person.”  I believe we each have values that are the most important things to each of us and we must know what those are and hearken to our heart’s call.

When we listen, we hear.

When we hear, we absorb.

When we absorb, we know.

And when we know, we become the person we are inside.

This is the person that we haven’t let society make in its image.  The person that we need to become and need to live wherever we find ourselves in the world.

Yet we choose to hide the true person we are, I know I often do.  I want to write anonymously so those I know don’t know my truest thoughts and hopes.  I’m moving beyond this, however, and am slowly understanding how important it is for myself that I do this, regardless of what others may think.

And the great thing: as I become my honest self others have become willing to do the same.

And when we get honest and live honestly, we’re beginning to live the life of our dreams, which has always waited for us inside.

A Step Into Life

Who is it I am?

And because I don’t know

how do I find out

who I am

and what I’m to do?

I look at the bounty

of those I would be like

and know I am meager

of self and belongings.

Take a step forward?

But the cliff is there

reminding me there’s nowhere

to put my foot down

without falling.

It is the fall I fear,

the great unknowing.

I am my own

but wishful tendrils remain

of the safe life

I once had.

Resolute, I close my eyes,

reach out with a foot

and step,

fearing the fall

but fearing more to stay.

Life, you are mine,

catch me.

Your Answers Are Yours To Be Lived

If it’s truth you seek don’t give up.  The answers might surprise you but they are yours to be lived.

It seems we grow up wanting to be adults and then when we get there, we let the expectations of society – others – dictate who we become and what we do.  We settle for society’s “truth” rather than let our own truth come out and be lived.

While there are many expectations we should allow, like our country’s laws, being respectful, and contributing meaningfully, we each have our own truth that we must begin with.

And we’re afraid of letting our truth be known.

Finding our own truth in who we are and what we must do is a lifelong search and doing.  We need to be starting from our truth and make our decisions from there. For example, I’ve always believed that I’m part of “something more.”  I’ve always felt that there is a spiritual force to which we belong. I haven’t always let this belief dictate what I do but it is underneath everything I think and do regardless.

Not to honor and live our truth is to bury our heart’s desires.

I think the thing that prevents us from doing this, I know it does for me, is the fear of ridicule or embarrassment we think we might receive from others.  We think it’s very important that we each belong in society so we give in to its expectations rather than live up to our beliefs.

And if we don’t already know what our truths are, what those lines are in the sand that we won’t cross, how do we find them? This morning, I wrote in my journal: What are my truths?  I’m going to spend a few days writing about this because, while I know them (I think) I realized in writing this post that I couldn’t necessarily list them out for you. This is me keeping things buried.

You see, we have to know what our truths are, what we believe in and stand for, so we can live our truths out loud, even when we think others might shun us.

Living our lives according to our personal truths is far too important to ignore.

The answers we each find, the answers to my journal entry, might surprise each one of us but we must find them and live them – and then they are ours to be lived.

Others Aren’t Fine, Either

We bury our pain and say, “I’m fine.”  We think others are happier and we’re alone – we’re not!

How often does someone say to us, “How are you?” And we reply, “I’m fine.”  We each then go our separate ways, having played an all too familiar game.

We’re not so fine all the time but we fear showing weakness or even fear.

Rather than say that we’re not fine we cover it up, thinking that it’s only ourselves who feel we’re lying and that the other is fine and happy.  Fearing we’re alone we put on our mask of belonging, of having it together like we think others do.

Here’s what I think (and I don’t have this figured out, either): we need to find some way to say or show that things aren’t fine, that we need someone to listen to something else that’s going on right now.

I think we’re afraid to show that we’re vulnerable and hurting.  We’re afraid of “not conforming” and maybe even not being accepted if we expose our pain.  But how do we do that when it’s something we need to do? We don’t want to fall apart in front of someone at an inopportune time, especially at work.

But can we be brave enough to tell the other person, and it needs to be someone you trust, that you want to talk to them later?  That things aren’t going so great and you need a listening ear. And then, in a private area, open up and let them know why you couldn’t say, “I’m fine” earlier.

And here’s the thing: when we open up with our “not fines” others are more likely to do the same.  We think everyone else is doing fine and are happy and know what it is they need to do. But I think that’s not true.  I think everyone has doubts and bad days.  Maybe when we open up, they will, too.

The next time someone says, or you say, “How are you?” and “Fine” isn’t true, take the opportunity to say something true.  Take the time to at least let the other person know that you’re human (as are they) and that some days are not good days.  

This simple acknowledgment can be the healthiest response we can make

So This Is Home

Above the clouds and higher still

in wing-ed thought I fly.

The world a speck and smaller still

light lost in darkening sky.

To some a street, others a tunnel

the answer now I know.

Strange familiar is all around

a scent of home long left.

A comforting touch, spirit to mine

guides me to the Creator.

I tried to bow but not allowed

without taking all of heaven with me.

When Things Don’t Go As Planned

I’m sure for you, just like for me, there are many times when things don’t go as you planned or at least hoped for.  I’m writing this post right in the middle of one of these occasions for me and, to be honest, I’m quite upset.

We know we don’t control everything that happens in our lives.  But when they’re really important, even life-changing, when your plans fall through our reaction is to get angry and even lash out, in whatever form that might take.  I know I used a few choice words today that I don’t normally use.

But we can’t let things that go wrong control us.  Sure, we may be angry and we shouldn’t be surprised.  And I can’t let myself remain angry about what’s happened to me.  My pension papers weren’t properly acted upon so now I’m delayed. But I’ve done what I could to re-do them and will get them sent first thing in the morning.  It will still work out but it was still a difficult day.

Here’s the thing, we can let things like this (fill in the blank for your own issue) infest us with anger and think of ourselves as a victim OR we can do what we must do to make things right and then, very deliberately, let the thing go.

That’s my next step for the remainder of the evening.  Yes, I’m annoyed but, more importantly, I’m now doing what I need to do to fix it.  And rather than be angry around my wife and any others, I must choose to move on by calming down and accepting what happened.  I’m not happy about it but I must accept it.

Has this happened to you?  And if it did, how long did you hold onto the anger or even the hatred towards those who “did this to you?”  More often than not it was unintentional (maybe they don’t even know you, as in my case) and they didn’t do it to ruin your day.

What can you do to take control and let it go?  Here’s a hint: just by writing this post I find myself calming down and again looking realistically at what I must do to accomplish my desire to retire.

Face what happened.  Do what you can to resolve it.  And then move on.  Let it go so it doesn’t bring you unnecessary harm.  We’re oftentimes our own worst enemy.

Echoes Of My Cat

Midnight prowls my cat

for a mouse in a vent.

Catch it before I scream,

before it skitters from under the counter.

But it will come now that you’re gone

because it delights

in your passing.

I don’t have your speed.

Old age took you.

None of us outlive it.

Even with nine lives

it stalked you all along.

Your snuggles and purrs

I feel them, hear them still.

Meal companion and watchdog,

you ruled our sanctuary.

The house echoes

with your ghostly call

and will haunt me until I’m done.

Why don’t mice ever age?

Trust Your Heart That Knows

With courage look out at all you can be if you first trust the heart that knows.

We hear so often to trust your gut or your instincts or your heart.  But what does that really mean? I want to first touch on why we don’t.

How many of us find it easier to “follow the crowd” and do what they do?  I suspect we do it more often than we’re willing to admit. But isn’t it easier to “be like everyone else?”  Then we don’t stand out and we’re accepted.  These are very important but not the way we should live our lives.

We’re always searching for answers and direction from “out there,” expecting that is the right way to behave and follow.  That may be true – to a point. But that path leads us into not following our own heart; living that person that we know is inside.

So how do we know that the heart knows and that we should follow it?  It’s far too easy to get ourselves twisted in a knot when we’re trying to be true to who we are.  Plus we run the all too real risk of not following the crowd and – GASP – not being accepted.

Here’s what I do: I journal pretty much every day and write down what I’m struggling with or needing to know.  One journal I have I refer to as “God Talks.” In this journal, I ask my deepest personal questions and I’m rarely ever left without an answer.

As I’m sure you can guess, this journal is a conversation between me and God.  I’m not sure that I restrict it to the Christian God but I certainly believe that I’m communicating with God, or the Source or, as I most recently like to refer to it: Creator.  

You see, I believe that we create with the one who created us and with each other.  We create good. We help. We care. And this begins with personal conversations with one that is more than us but yet is us.

In recent conversations, it’s been about sharing this relationship with others and even sharing who I’m becoming with others.  And then I realized that through my journalling, I was becoming what I refer to as “god-like.” In how I thought and in how I communicate and treat others.

And this change in me is coming from the heart and changing my relationships.  And others are noticing and I’ve noticed they’ve become more open to me. Heck, I’m even hugging others easily when before I always held myself back.

So if you’re wondering how to start living from your heart and becoming that person you know you are inside then I would recommend some sort of journalling as I mentioned above.  Have a conversation with that heart of yours.  It’s always listening and always whispering.

Disappointment Is A Beast

Disappointment,

thou art a beast

that slays the trying heart

and crushes rising hope.

The heart is defenseless,

yet you strike

with loud derision

at its unattainable efforts.

Go, I say.

And yet it’s me

that gave rise to this creature

that attacks and thunders in glee.

Stay then

for you are mine.

I am both heart and beast.

The heart must one day triumph.