Constantina Maud's Blog, page 15
March 6, 2017
Toxic comes in fives
Theory has it that we attract into our lives people that “match” our unconscious, unhealed wounds and that those who are more susceptible to socializing with negative types of people have usually weak or no boundaries, are codependents or empaths.
I certainly don’t imply having any scientific background on this subject, simply my own personal experiences with people demonstrating characteristics of the so called Cluster B personality disorders e.g. of the narcissistic personality disorder or sociopaths – from teachers, higher-ups or friends and relatives, even.
And my conclusion is, all is “well” with the sure-fire signs of a toxic personality; the ultimate danger lies behind the seemingly harmless yet common traits of it. So here it goes:
The Puer Aeternus
Now, not all Peter Pans are toxic. But some of these eternal children might be and furthermore they’re usually the hardest source of negativity to spot. Often of the narcissistic personality disorder kind, covert even, on initial acquaintance the Puer Aeternus displays a carefree, vibrant attitude that can get anyone tricked and soon easily addicted to them.
It doesn’t change the fact, however, that he (or she) is somebody who unconsciously yearns for an eternal state of childhood or youth and is incapable of living up to the complex yet necessary challenges and callings of real life. And as long as he remains in this zone, he will never mature; he will never fulfill his individual destiny in a collective society and become complete.
Think Dorian Grey – and yes, he comes with a portrait.
You wouldn’t want yourself around that kind of person now, would you?
“How sad it is! I shall grow old, and horrible, and dreadful. But this portrait will remain always young.”
~Dorian Grey, Oscar Wilde
The People-pleaser
“Positive” manipulation is the hardest kind of manipulation to detect; because let’s face it, egos love to be stroked, in fact that’s what they live for. But, it’s our inner and true self the one that has to live with the consequences, when the whole thing blows up right in our face.
Again, not all people-pleasers are by definition malignant. Someone who is, though, has absolutely no genuine, humanitarian motive behind e.g. his (or her) offering to pull an all-nighter with you for your next paper deadline. As unlikely as it may sound, it too is just a means to his end. People and their feelings are simply objects to his – unknown to you but ever present for him – goal. Everything and everyone outside his personal sphere are mere extensions of himself.
That’s why it is widely held that empathy is a totally alien notion to this type of person. If there is something he must attain or acquire at all costs, something that entails demonstrating emotion or the like, he will resort to mimicking it – and after almost a lifetime of practice, rest assured that he has perfected it.
Truth be told of course, eyes indeed never lie; as you can spot a true emotion in them, so can you see the absolute absence or fakeness of it as well.
“He never gave me anything. He only bought me into giving him something”
~Susie, Citizen Kane
The Self-deprecator
A typical yet not easily identified example of such a personality is the covert narcissist. The case we’re referring to here is of somebody who hides his (or her) low self-esteem and insecurities almost perfectly behind a well-crafted and seemingly very confident public persona. And by definition his image follows e.g. a trend, his opinions are ultimately somebody else’s and never his own, etc. He doesn’t even know who he truly is, something that results of course in an anything but authentic self and he is mostly driven by material goods and superficial attributes as a measure for worth or happiness (money, youth, beauty, etc.). His ego is one of the most fragile and easy to crumble down.
How will you spot her/him? Simple: attention seekers. Plus, they cannot always hide their envy for people/things they deep down deem as better than them/their own.
“And, beginning to grind his teeth again, Pyotr Petrovich admitted that he’d been a fool–but only to himself, of course.”
~Demons, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
The Victim
It’s as the title implies; somebody of this type indulges in victim playing in almost any situation, projecting even his own faults onto others. The world is a cold, cruel place out to get him and he deserves all the protection and care he can get. He will try to gain your good favour – and keep it too – by appealing to your pity, empathy or own sense of guilt even (whether justified or not).
And when your guard is down, the work is already laid out for this kind of hard-to-identify energy vampire.
“A thorough, determined dislike of me — a dislike which I cannot but attribute in some measure to jealousy. […] his father’s uncommon attachment to me, irritated him I believe very early in life.”
~George Wickham – Pride & Prejudice, Jane Austen
The Coward
If you want to get a quick and clear idea on this, simply observe how someone reacts in the face of responsibility or adversity. Does he (or she) shrink from it and let others bell the cat? This type of person doesn’t know how to be sorry or apologize, tending to promise the moon and rarely deliver a light bulb – and even then, only if something is clearly in it for him, too.
And if you ever think of calling him out on it, be prepared from some first-class gaslighting.
“- Paula: Gregory, are you trying to tell me I’m insane? – Gregory: It’s what I’m trying NOT to tell myself.”
~Gaslight (1944 film)
If you often wonder why you had to encounter or worse, get entangled with toxic people, whether or not the (good) reason for it really derives from your inner, still unresolved issues, try focusing on the positive outcomes of it. For my part, it led me to realize once more how indeed no evil comes without something good; all these experiences helped me both in gaining more insight into my own, unhealed wounds, and as a writer, in e.g. exploring further dimensions of the characters of my projects.
When you happen to recognize any of the above five traits in someone you suspect might turn into a toxic encounter for you, there are many ways of dealing with it; the renowned “no contact”, though, is by far the most radical and effective. It’s easier said than done, of course, namely in the beginning, but if you stick to it diligently, like a new habit, you’ll be so over it one day that you won’t even understand why you ever bothered suffering.
Trust and respect yourself; that’s really all it takes. ~
February 16, 2017
When images speak, words hush – Vol. I
[image error](Corfu, Greece)
[image error](Syvota, Greece)
[image error](Metsovo, Greece)
[image error](Corfu, Greece)
[image error](Konitsa, Greece)
[image error](Livadi, Ikaria)
[image error]Citizen Snail (Athens, Greece)
[image error]Aegean sunrise (Armenistis, Ikaria)
[image error](Athens, Greece)
[image error]Meaning “Truth Street” (somwhere near the courthouses, Athens, Greece)
[image error]The Moon and the Dusk (Athens, Greece)
[image error](Plastira Lake, Greece)
[image error](Livadi, Ikaria)
[image error](Athens, Greece)
Κράτα το
Κράτα το
January 21, 2017
Τσάι με Τζίντζερ
Μια σύντομη ιστορία μέσ’ απ’ την όχι και τόσο σύντομη κρίση της Ελλάδας της Γενιάς Υ.
[η συμμετοχή μου στο διαγωνισμό ΛόγωΤέχνης των Εκδόσεων Μεταίχμιο]
Έχει μια πικράδα το τσάι με τζίντζερ, που τη συνηθίζεις. Μπορεί, μάλιστα, να φτάσεις ν’ αναρωτιέσαι, πώς ζούσες ως τώρα χωρίς αυτό.«…Νονά;»«Ε, ωρέ αναδεχτή…»«Θες και μέλι;…»
«Γιατί, πότ’ ήθελα;»
Η Ηλέκτρα είχε σχεδόν υπνωτιστεί απ’ το καντράν του ρολογιού, μια γραμμή στο δεύτερο ψηφίο αναβόσβηνε, μήνες τώρα, έκανε το «5» «6» κι αντίστροφα… Σ’ εκείνο το ρυθμό τσούγκριζε η Ηλέκτρα το άδειο φλιτζάνι της γρια-νονάς με το κουτάλι αψεντιού, που ’χε φέρει «το τρελαγγόνι της απ’ τα Παρίσια», και την άκουγε να «ψάχνει» τα δευτερόλεπτα στην αυλή· όποτε η νονά πάθαινε διαλείψεις, έβγαινε εκεί και ρωτούσε κάθε περαστικό «πασά της» τι ώρα ήταν. Κι αν της απαντούσε, του έδινε την ευχή της…
Μόλις σύρισε το μάτι της κουζίνας, η Ηλέκτρα ξεκόλλησε απ’ το λάπτοπ και τινάχτηκε επάνω. Απ’ το μπρίκι ξεχείλιζαν κιτρινωποί αφροί.
Απέναντί της, το ιμέιλ την κοιτούσε ακόμα.
Η νονά έπινε με βαριά καρδιά το βραστό τζίντζερ, κάποιος γιατροσοφός τής είχε πει ότι «είναι αντιφλεγμονώδες»· κι ήταν δεν ήταν πλασέμπο, «αλάφρωναν οι βαριές της γάμπες»… Όλο το χωριό το ’ξερε, χωριό δίχως την ηδονή του κουτσομπολιού είναι ανωμαλία της φύσης… Και είχε δει την ελευθερία του μόλις στον Α’ Βαλκανικό, για να παραβγαίνουν 101 χρόνια μετά η θεια-Μήτραινα κι ο μπαρμπα-Θόδωρος, ποιος έβγαλε απ’ το μποστάνι του την καλύτερη πατάτα…
Έτρεμαν τα βλέφαρα της Ηλέκτρας· και τ’ απόνερα είχαν ήδη κολλήσει τα ματόκλαδά της. Όποτε αναλογιζόταν, πόσο είχε βαρεθεί ν’ αμφιβάλλει, αν είχε πάρει τις σωστές αποφάσεις στη ζωή της, τα όνειρά της την κατηγορούσαν ότι τα ’χε πουλήσει… Δεν της άρεσε αυτό… απ’ την άλλη, όμως, παραήταν μεγάλη πια για ν’ αρνείται τις αλήθειες. Μέχρι χθες ήταν είκοσι, αλλά αύριο θα ήταν τριάντα… Και πλέον δε θυμόταν πότε είχε αποδεχτεί ότι, αν είχε σπουδάσει Ιστορία, ήταν πια μόνο «για την ιστορία»…
Πέμπτη δημοτικού, είχε πεισμώσει κι είχε τσακώσει στο κυνηγητό το «άπιαστο» αγόρι της τάξης που ξελευθέρωνε τους πάντες. Έσφιξε το σαγόνι και μάζεψε απ’ το πάτωμα τη σακούλα με τις φρυγανιές· κάτι στο να μαζεύει η ίδια τα πειστήρια της απελπισίας της, την απέλπιζε πάντοτε περισσότερο… Ήθελε να σκεφτεί… και ταυτόχρονα, δεν ήθελε. Οι μέρες της δεν είχαν λόγο να μην είναι, τέσσερα χρόνια τώρα, «καρμπόν» η κάθε προηγούμενη: γραμματέας μηχανικού στην πόλη, ακριβώς πίσω απ’ το τζαμί, και μετά στης νονάς… και πού και πού, στα οικογενειακά μελίσσια – είχαν αποδεί και οι γονείς της με την κρίση και είχαν βάλει μελίσσια σ’ ένα χωράφι-κληρονομιά… Αψύς χωνόταν στα ρουθούνια της ο αχνός του τζίντζερ απ’ τη δική της κούπα κι η Ηλέκτρα έβγαλε να δαγκώσει μια φρυγανιά, αλλά το μετάνιωσε· το ότι δεν της είχε κάνει ποτέ ως τότε αλλεργία το σουσάμι, δε σήμαινε κάτι…
«Θες να σου διαβάσω τίποτα;» φώναξε της νονάς κι όπως έβαζε το μπουκαλάκι του τζίντζερ ανάμεσα στο τίλιο και το θυμάρι, την ξανάπιασε αλλόκοτο σύγκρυο· πλάι στα ντόπια βοτάνια, τα ξένα τής φαίνονταν πάντα ξενιτεμένα…
«…Τίποτα.»
Με μισή καρδιά χαμογέλασε η Ηλέκτρα και με την κούπα στο χέρι πήγε στη βιβλιοθηκούλα του διαδρόμου· οι τόμοι του Ανδρέα, του «τρελαγγονιού» του μακαρίτη αδερφού της νονάς, έκαναν την Ηλέκτρα σφουγγάρι, άλλων πολιτισμών και λιμανιών… Παραμέρισε το σεμέν που ’κρυβε τα βιβλία κι ο δείκτης της χάιδεψε τις ράχες τους. «Η Ναυτία» του Σαρτρ, «Ο Ξένος» του Καμύ κι εμβόλιμα τα Άπαντα Ποιητικά του Καβάφη, με την «Ιθάκη»… και τα τρία μαζί, ένα θαλασσινό ταξίδι από μόνο του…
…Σαν την παλίρροια πηγαινοέρχονταν στις σκέψεις της εκείνο το ιμέιλ και τ’ ασιατικά του «εμότικονς»· κυρίως χθες, όταν κόντευε να πάθει αυχενικό όσο ψάρευε για Περσείδες κι ένα πεφταστέρι διέγραψε σα γαλατένια τέμπερα τόξο από πάνω της… «Τι φοβάσαι πια και ρίζωσες εκεί; Κάθε μέρα βρίσκεις ευκαιρία να δουλέψεις για το Μουσείο Ιστορίας στην Καντόνα; Ας είν’ καλά ο «Ιούνης», που θα σε φιλοξενεί κιόλας >_<. Καλύτερα κι απ’ το σπίτι σου θα ’σαι …! ^_^»…
Σχεδόν αντανακλαστικά, το βλέμμα της Ηλέκτρας έκανε να λοξοδρομήσει προς τις κορνίζες στη βιβλιοθήκη, αλλά αυτή δεν το άφησε. Σε μια φωτογραφία ήταν ο Ανδρέας – από διακοπές στης μητέρας του τα μέρη, στο Μακάου, όπως πρόδιδαν κι οι φοίνικες πίσω απ’ το βρεγμένο του κεφάλι. Γεννημένος ανθρωπολόγος, ό,τι ταξίδια η Ηλέκτρα ονειρευόταν μόνο, ο Ανδρέας τα είχε ήδη κάνει. Ό,τι σουβενίρ κολλούσε γύρω απ’ τον καθρέφτη της, συνήθως εκείνος το ’χε στείλει… Δίπλα στο γιαννιώτικο κομπολόι της από κεχριμπάρι κρέμονταν ένας κόκκινος κόμπος Φενγκ Σούι με το σύμβολο της Διπλής Ευτυχίας κι ένα μάνταλα θιβετιανό, παραπέρα φωτογραφίες απ’ το Ουνταϊπούρ, με πιτσιρίκια να χορεύουν στο Χόλι πασαλειμμένα χρωματόσκονες τόσο ζωντανές που σχεδόν τις ανάσαινες, ή απ’ το Μπενάρες, με γέρους γκουρού να προσεύχονται στα σκαλιά στην όχθη του θηλυκού Γάγγη…
«Όλο στα ξένα αυτό τ’ αγγόνι», μουρμούριζε επωδούς η νονά.
Απέφυγε άλλη μια φορά να κοιτάξει τη φωτογραφία του η Ηλέκτρα, αλλιώς ο νους της θα ’παιζε ταινία: τα μισοφέγγαρα μάτια του Ανδρέα άρχιζαν και λαμπύριζαν, σκερτσόζικα ξεχώριζαν λιγάκι τα δυο μεγάλα, μπροστινά του δόντια και η αυτή θυμόταν τον παιδικό ενθουσιασμό με τον οποίο της περιέγραφε «τα δαντελένια αραβουργήματα της Αλάμπρα»… Και το χαμόγελό του για καρτ ποστάλ ήταν… Κάτι τέτοιο πίστευε κι ο ίδιος, δυνατό του σημείο έλεγε τις άκρες των χειλιών του όταν χαμογελούσε…
«Ιούνη» τον έλεγε η νονά, γιατί της θύμιζε, λέει, άγουρο καλοκαίρι.
Ο δείκτης της Ηλέκτρας αιωρούνταν μπροστά απ’ το «Τάο Τε Κινγκ», όταν το κουδούνι της πόρτας χτύπησε διαπεραστικά, σαν παλιό τηλέφωνο.
Πήγε κι άνοιξε η Ηλέκτρα· και η κούπα παραλίγο να γλιστρήσει μέσ’ απ’ τα δάχτυλά της. Στο κατώφλι ήταν ο Ανδρέας. Με το σάκο στον ώμο και το στήθος του ν’ ανεβοκατεβαίνει μ’ ένα μικρό λαχάνιασμα, γέλασε αμήχανα κι έκρυψε, όπως συνήθιζε, με την ανάστροφη του χεριού του το γέλιο του. Η φωνή του, όμως, ήταν γεμάτη αυτοπεποίθηση:
«Γεια σου, «βουνό». Εδώ «Μωάμεθ».».
Έμεινε λίγο εκεί στην πόρτα, μισός μες στο σπίτι μισός στο φως του δρόμου, το χαμόγελό του «sine-qua-non». Η Ηλέκτρα σκεφτόταν, ένα χαρτί είναι η φωτογραφία… Πήγε για λίγο μέχρι τ’ αμάξι ο Ανδρέας, αλλά άφησε πίσω του την εξώπορτα ανοιχτή.
January 18, 2017
~ To “hero” or to “anti-hero”… that is the question ~
Now don’t get me wrong. In my novels I’ve had stormy characters of the anti-hero clan come in their flawed, scarred armour and battle-worn wit and rescue me from the multi-headed Hydra of “The Writer’s Block”, so my point could never be against them. For better or for worse, both readers and writers tend to claim they identify more easily with a more “human” and “real” character… At least that’s what the definition of an anti-hero almost always entails.
The point, though, is this: Shouldn’t we be a tiny little bit worried that we cannot feel or identify with a more hero-qualified character as “human” or “real”?
As far as typecasting goes, it seems it’s us that have got stuck there. We readily discard a hero’s solidarity and determination to battle against injustices inflicted on others or her/his will to do the right thing for their wider community as outworldly qualities or virtues downright unattainable.
And so the anti-hero protagonist camaraderie springs. Perhaps this whole “individuation” journey that psychology theories widely talk about, has been misunderstood; as an excuse, to fight against our personal demons without caring about our fellow humans’ battle with their own. Or maybe even worse, the anti-hero protagonist soothes our shadow aspects, lulling us into feeling that it is ok to go with it and see how we can get by with them; much, much less work than breaking down and solving the riddle of these shadows, even more so in a collective way, the way a hero chooses to do…
And all of this when at the same time, in our own lives, we heroically struggle with our dark sides and seek to rise above them almost every day. Being crushed by a personal failure and yet striving to put a loved one’s best interest before our own, handing what’s meant for our lunchbreak to one of the homeless persons our heart breaks to see in every street and corner… Why does an anti-hero feel more “at home” to us, then?
If one could put this in a single line, one would say that the anti-hero dwells in her/his flaws, seeking in the best case scenario to find the light, while a hero strives to remain in the light, while fighting against the tides of flaws that try to engulf him. Then, by claiming to better understand the anti-hero, why do we accept for ourselves that we lie in the shadows when we never really leave the light? Isn’t this self-sabotaging, being disinterested in or looking down on our better selves for the sake of their shadow counterpart? Why “rather” Roquentin “than” Alyosha Karamazov?
Hero protagonists, both female and male, are not clichés. On the very contrary, they are as rare as we have made them. Rome will never be built in a day (3d printing aside, yes…), but small steps and an awakened mind can do more than half of the wonder – read about a hero, write about a hero.
Because you are one.
January 9, 2017
Ύδρανος, Κεφάλαιο XXIV (απόσπασμα)
πεινό αξίωμα του πατέρα μου και τις λίγες επισκέψεις στα πα-
λάτια. Όμως, μία στιγμή μόνο νιώθω πως τον είδα πραγμα-
τικά… Υπάρχει ένα απόκρημνο ακρωτήρι, εκεί ψηλά σε μια
γωνιά του Λαθροπηγύα και στα λημέρια του Βορέα… Η θά-
λασσα προσπαθεί μανιωμένη αιώνες τώρα να το ξεριζώσει, μα
εκείνο αντέχει, ακόμη κι ενάντια στους καιρούς, θα τολμού-
σε κανείς να πει… Εκεί πήγαινε συχνά κι ο Αρχιμέδοντας, για
να συναντήσει τον εαυτό του… Μπορεί ίσως και να προσευχό-
ταν καμιά φορά πλάι στα ερείπια του παλιού ναού του Εόντος,
που ψυχορραγούσε, καιρούς πολλούς τώρα, από τα τραύματα
του Νείκους του Ύδρανου… Προσπαθούσα, θυμάμαι, παιδί, να
πατήσω εκεί που είχαν ακουμπήσει τις πέτρες τα δικά του πό-
δια… οι λίθοι εκείνοι μού φάνταζαν πως είχαν πάρει μια κρυ-
φή δύναμη, που ήθελα τόσο πολύ να μου φανερωθεί, να περά-
σει μέσα και σ’ εμένα… Ο ήλιος σ’ αυτό το τρομερά αμίλητο
ακρωτήρι συχνά με δυσκόλευε, μα έπαιρνα πείσμα από το Γά-
ληνο, που δεν τον εμπόδιζε τίποτα• έστω και τυφλά, λοιπόν,
τον ακολουθούσα… Συχνά σταματούσε. Δε φαινόταν καθό-
λου να ’χει αποστάσει, αλλά σταματούσε, κοιτούσε τις ψηλές
κολόνες και ύστερα στηριζόταν επάνω τους, σαν έτοιμος να
ξεψυχήσει. Αναρωτιόμουν, αφού πονάει τόσο πολύ εδώ
ψηλά, γιατί έρχεται συνέχεια; Για το Γάληνο, όμως, εκείνος ο
γκρεμισμένος ναός, το μόνο ίσως κτίσμα εκεί πέρα που ήταν
γηραιότερό του, ήταν σαν αίμα του και μακριά του πονούσε
περισσότερο… Τότε που χάθηκαν κι έφυγαν πολλοί… ο
πατέρας του ο Βριαρός, ο Νεμέτορας… μόλις τελείωσε ο
πόλεμος, λένε, μόλις η ύστατη μέρα του έδυσε μαζί με τον
Κράτωνα, ο Γάληνος πήγε εκεί στο γκρεμό, στο πέρας των
βράχων… και φύσηξε το κοχύλι του με όλη τη δύναμη της
καρδιάς του… και μ’ όλον τον πόνο της… και ήταν τόσος, που
ο βράχος σείστηκε, ακλόνητος τόσους αιώνες απ’ το βίαιο
ωκεανό… Ο γέρος, όμως, ναός κράτησε τα μυστικά της
καρδιάς του Γάληνου καλά μέσα του… Έρχονταν μέρες μέσα
στα δευτερόλεπτα, που τα όμορφα μάτια του Βορέα
αγρίευαν, γέμιζαν αλμύρα σαν τα κύματα που ’σκαγαν στα
βράχια, παρακλητικά ζητούσαν ένα λόγο από τις κολόνες…
μα ύστερα έπαιρνε σχεδόν αμέσως, μετανιωμένος, το βλέμμα
από πάνω τους… Όσο κι αν έσκιζαν την παιδική καρδιά μου
εκείνα τα ωρυόμενα βλέμματα, ένιωθα βαθιά την απελπισία
που τα βασάνιζε. Αν ο ναός, που είχε μες στα κόκαλά του
πήξει την οδύνη του Αρχιμέδοντα, του μιλούσε, αν την
ελευθέρωνε ξανά, ο Βορέας δε θα το άντεχε… Βέβαια, εκείνη
η απαράμιλλη ακροθαλασσιά ήταν εξ ορισμού οξύμωρη•
όπως κατάφερνε και συνταίριαζε την πιο άγρια φύση και τα
έργα της με τον ερειπωμένο μεν αλλά υπαρκτό ναό, του
ανθρώπινου χεριού γέννημα, έτσι θύμιζε στο Γάληνο κακά
αλλά κι αξιονοστάλγητα πράγματα… Για όλα αυτά κι όχι
μόνο για ένα πήγαινε και ξαναπήγαινε…[…]”
January 6, 2017
Κάνε σ’ όλους μια χάρη… αγάπα τον εαυτό σου
Μια φράση που διάβασα τυχαία, μ’ έβαλε σε σκέψεις: πόσο μπορεί ν’ αγνοούμε την αληθινή αγάπη του εαυτού;
“Κι αν σου ζητούσα
ν’ απαριθμήσεις όλ’ αυτά που αγαπάς,
πόσον καιρό θα σ’ έπαιρνε
να αναφέρεις και τον εαυτό σου; “
Δεν αγαπάς τον εαυτό σου όταν επιδιώκεις παθολογικά να ευχαριστήσεις τους άλλους αντί να είσαι ειλικρινής και ν’ αποδέχεσαι την πιθανή σύγκρουση.
Δεν αγαπάς τον εαυτό σου όταν δε βάζεις όρια στις συμπεριφορές των άλλων απέναντί σου.
Δεν αγαπάς τον εαυτό σου όταν αναζητάς την ολοκλήρωση και την αίσθηση της πληρότητας σε πράγματα ή άτομα έξω από σένα.
Δεν αγαπάς τον εαυτό σου, όταν εξαρτάς την αυτοεκτίμησή σου από το τι έχεις καταφέρει, πόσα έχεις αποκτήσει ή πώς οι άλλοι σε αποδέχονται για όλ’ αυτά.
Αυτό δε σημαίνει, φυσικά, ότι πηγαίνεις στο άλλο άκρο και δεν αγαπάς τίποτα άλλο παρά εσένα. Ίσως ένας εύκολος τρόπος για ν’ αντιληφθεί κανείς πώς λειτουργεί αυτή η ισορροπημένη δυαδικότητα είναι μέσω της προσέγγισης των «τσάκρα». Σύμφωνα με τον Ινδουισμό, η εσωτερική ύπαρξή μας αποτελείται από ενεργειακούς τροχούς (τσάκρα), οι οποίοι πρέπει να είναι όλοι σε ισορροπία, ώστε να είμαστε σε αρμονία με τον εαυτό μας και τον κόσμο. Έτσι, το τσάκρα «ηλιακό πλέγμα», που σχετίζεται με την υγιή αυτοπεποίθηση, δεν μπορεί να ισορροπήσει χωρίς το τσάκρα της «καρδιάς» – το ανοιχτό μας παράθυρο προς την άνευ όρων, άπλετη αγάπη που δίνουμε στους άλλους.
Και το αντίστροφο.
Η πρόκληση, λοιπόν, είναι η εξής: δεν μπορούμε να εκπληρώσουμε το σκοπό μας, ως δοτικά πλάσματα, που προσφέρουμε αγάπη προς τους συνανθρώπους μας, όταν δεν έχουμε πετύχει πρώτα το σεβασμό και την αγάπη για το παιδί που κρύβουμε μέσα μας. Μία από τις μεγαλύτερες αλήθειες είναι ότι ο τρόπος που συμπεριφερόμαστε στους άλλους αντανακλά πράγματι τον τρόπο που αισθανόμαστε για μας τους ίδιους.
Είναι δεδομένο, όμως, ότι για να μπορέσουμε ν’ αγαπήσουμε τον εαυτό μας, πρέπει πρώτα να τον αποδεχτούμε, και προκειμένου να το κάνουμε αυτό, θα πρέπει πριν απ’ όλα να γνωρίζουμε σε βάθος ποιοι είμαστε πραγματικά – μέσα κι έξω. Έχουμε την τάση να ψάχνουμε το φταίξιμο, τα λάθη, σε πράγματα και καταστάσεις έξω από εμάς και δεν μπαίνουμε καν στον κόπο να φανταστούμε ότι οι απαντήσεις βρίσκονται εξαρχής μέσα μας. Η αυτογνωσία, τόσο των αρνητικών όσο και των θετικών μας πλευρών, είναι το κλειδί για την κατανόηση του μεγαλύτερου μυστηρίου του Σύμπαντος – του ίδιου μας του εαυτού.
Όταν αγαπάς τον εαυτό σου, όχι μόνο δεν μπορείς ποτέ να πληγωθείς, αλλά δεν μπορείς ποτέ να πληγώσεις και τους άλλους.
Συνέχισε ν’ αγαπάς,
^^
[image error]
January 4, 2017
Decoding “introvert”
Not a long time ago I came across an image on “introversion vs. extroversion” that got me thinking; in a predominantly extroverted society, this is another form of discrimination rarely spoken of.
So, since extroversion is praised as strength, introversion must be a weakness.
The colours of this image make the true point, though: both human, two faces of the very same coin.
And to make it even more clear:
1. “better expressive with writing” means “can most certainly converse but would rather be a writer”
2. “enjoy their alone time” means “love their friends and family deeply but know they can wholesomely show it only after they have recharged their drained empathetic energy through alone-time for as long as it takes”
3. “prefer conversation one-on-one or in small groups” means “they know that meaningful connection and helpful input comes as a matter of quality and not quantity”
4.”dislike speaking on the phone” means “time for the much-needed alone and recharge time” (see no.2)
5. “need time to think before speaking” means “there are too many concepts/thoughts/answers in their head plus they’d rather present them in order plus in a way that won’t hurt anyone’s feelings”
If this is weakness, then I’m more than happy to have it.
The image missed one more trait though:
6. “they truly value and love those who not just won’t spite them for their introversion but love them exactly for it”
It’s not simply ok to be an introvert; it’s a downright blessing.
*proud to be introverts*
December 23, 2016
Xmas edition: 3 recipes “made in Greece”
It’s this time of the year and among all other things cooking is by all means customarily a must. So, I decided to indulge in a more frivolous post this time and share with you three recipes I usually pick for Xmas or New Year’s Day. I don’t pretend to know the ultimate country of origin of each recipe, of course, I simply post them here as dishes commonly cooked in Greece. The holidays are a good occasion to try them out, but they’re certainly not exclusively festive recipes. I hope you enjoy!
Bougiourdi
Serving: for 4 people
Difficulty: near 0
Things you’ll need:
200g Greek feta cheese
(optional) 100g grated cheese of your choice
1-2 peeled tomatoes, preferably ripe
1 green bell pepper
½ tbsp. oregano
30 ml olive oil
Time of preparation: 6min
Procedure: Slice the feta cheese in a few chunks and place it in a small ovenproof dish. On top of it place the tomato/es either sliced or diced, and finally add the bell pepper, also in slices. You can cover with the grated cheese, although personally I omit this step because it alters the feta flavour. Bake it in the oven at 200° C for about 15 minutes. Sprinkle with oregano, drizzle with olive oil and serve (either as it is or after stirring it a bit).
[image error]Bougiourdi in preparation
Potato salad
Serving: for 6 people
Difficulty: near 0
Things you’ll need:
6 medium sized potatoes
2-3 carrots
a medium sized bowl of snipped parsley
450g low fat mayonnaise
4 tbsp. mild mustard
2 tbsp. vinegar
salt & pepper
Time of preparation: around 50min
Procedure: Peel the potatoes, cut them in half and boil them until you can cut through them with a knife effortlessly. Then let them cool a bit. Meanwhile you can snip the parsley and grate the carrots. After the potatoes have cooled, cut them into smaller pieces and add salt and pepper to your liking (depending on how salty etc. you want the dish to be). Add 2/3 of the grated carrots and 2/3 of the snipped parsley. Stir the mixture, so that the ingredients go everywhere. Then take a bowl and pour in 2/3 of the mayonnaise, adding 3 tbsp. of mustard (if you prefer more spiciness, add more mustard). Stir the sauce until it’s homogenous and then pour half of it in the vegetables’ mixture. Stir gently, for the ingredients to mix well, but you don’t want the potatoes to become mushed. Add the rest of the sauce and stir again. Finally, pour the mixture into the bowl you intend to serve it in.
Decoration (optional)-mix the remaining mayonnaise and 1 tbsp. of mustard thoroughly and cover the mixture in the serving bowl. For a final touch, create whatever décor you like with the remaining carrots and parsley. Here’s my example:
[image error]A smiley potato salad
[image error]
And now on to the dessert…
“Yule log”
Difficulty: 2
Things you’ll need:
125g hazelnuts
200g baking chocolate cover
150g low fat (dairy) cream
250g butter
100g icing sugar
3 tbsp. brandy (cocoa flavoured, preferably)
50g cocoa powder
250g petit beurre biscuits
Time of preparation: around 40min (plus around 2h in the freezer)
Procedure: Put the hazelnuts in a blender and blend them for a while. In a bowl, break the biscuits in half, but try not to crumble them. Break the baking chocolate cover into small pieces and perform the “bain marie” procedure (eg. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxeGUBu1ycA). Then, add the liquid cream to the mixture. Mix them well together, until the mixture is homogenous and set it aside to cool for about 25 minutes.
Continue by adding the cocoa powder, icing sugar and butter in a bowl and mix them well in a food mixer. Add the previous chocolate mixture into this one, along with the biscuits, hazelnuts and brandy and stir gently with a utensil.
Then, spread the mixture on a piece of baking paper and start rolling it with the paper, as if trying to make a tube. Even it out and wrap the ends of the baking paper. Secure the “Yule log” with enough cling film and put it in the freezer for approximately 2 hours. Here’s how it looks when served:
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I hope you enjoy these recipes and have loads of fun making them; Wishing you the Merriest of Christmas and the most fulfilling New Year you can dream of ~~
Cheers,
Constantina
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December 19, 2016
A Year of De-constructions – Or 12 Ways to Re-construct Yourself in 12 Months
It takes more than a mere blog entry to convey the many-level transformations 2016 has brought to my life as I knew it; and not that unexpectedly, now that I think about it.
I know many of you can relate to this, whether you’re Sagittarians who are into astrology and facing the second year of Saturn demolition, or not. Either way, the moment I decided to write down the 12 major lessons I experienced this year, for (hopefully not to be needed again) future reference, I decided to put this into a blog post and share them with you. So, here it goes!
“When you learn, teach, when you get, give.”
-Maya Angelou
Be authentic
And self-knowledge is your ticket to this; it’s a sun that has many beams: self-esteem, self-confidence… And all end up in how much you love and respect your own self.
There are many ways to tap into your true nature and each of us can go about it differently – e.g. take an MBTI personality test perhaps and see where that takes you. The sure thing is that you cannot keep putting on masks during your daily life or rely on others’ opinions of you to form an idea about who you really are. Don’t be afraid of some sincere and unprejudiced introspection; deep down there the best of friends you will ever have, awaits you: your own self.
And if all this sounds rather “selfish” to you, that’s a proof of how little you value your truth. As I have already written in a previous post, you will understand that only when you deeply know and love yourself are you capable of loving the others as they deserve, too. Love comes from within.
“Magic is believing in yourself; if you can do that, you can make anything happen.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Detox I: Exercise and eat healthily
Ancient Greeks considered a healthy body to be the beginning of everything – νοῦς ὑγιής ἐν σώματι ὑγιεῖ (literally: healthy mind in a healthy body). And it is; the beginning of your psychological health, the strength of your mind, your zest for life. Do your research and come up with a diet and exercise plan that suits your needs and goals. You cannot fail when you look after your body and respect it, just like a good old friend.
“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”
-Hippocrates
Detox II: Eliminate toxic relationships
Now I could not stress this one enough. As an empath since like forever, I have had more than my fair share of let downs in my life. And yet it is easy for the pattern to keep repeating itself over and over, when you “conveniently” tell yourself that you must be the faulty one and there’s no way out of it. Sometimes it takes one more bad social relationship for us to get hurt again and finally discover the light. During such a period I accidentally came across some articles about the narcissistic personality disorder and the more I read, the more goosebumps I got; quite a lot of people within my social circle (closer or broader) fit the description, even ones that I knew since my early childhood.
Then you realize that yes, you are at fault- for the time you let psychologically abusive, manipulative people prey on your feelings and distort your own sense of self. Once you recognize this, the revelations won’t stop; nor will your determination to cleanse. Toxic relationships out of the window, breath of life in. It’s tragically funny when you realize that the sun is only a decision away.
Living in the here and now
Regarded as the most grounding way to go, this is for most of us enough to change our entire life approach… Thus, easier said than done. When you’re not used to it at all – and it so happens when you get carried away by stressful thoughts and almost automatic over-thinking- sticking to this literally new way of life almost feels like the strictest diet regime ever; you need a constant snack of total mindfulness, without additives of random thoughts dragging you into worry-binging.
Meditation is the place to start, just pick a “genre” that suits you. The Buddhist way involves sitting with eyes half-open and a relaxed, unfading smile on your face. The chakra meditation helps you keep focus on a particular chakra in your body or might involve repeating a mantra or affirmation – bonus with this, you get to reprogram your subconscious into ridding itself of old, negative beliefs and thus healing in a most profound and awakening way.
There is no telling what this journey has in store for you; the only sure thing is that once you commit to it, you will never be the same.
Give love – especially when you are hurting
It will heal you. It can’t help but do so, that’s what love is. 2016 may have been a year of heartache for many (perhaps even dreading waking up in the morning, knowing the pain that awaited). Whenever the going gets pretty tough, what I do first is emerge myself in heart chakra meditation. The absolute emptiness, the hole you may feel in the place of your normally blooming heart won’t make it easy of course. But the key is to press on. Through the pain, through the tears and feeling of being lost, you will find that making your heart the temple of your existence will lead you back to the place you thought it’d take you forever to get back to. By believing, by manifesting you can still feel love, you will find yourself giving it again-unconditionally.
Sign up for volunteering or start even smaller: do a selfless act of kindness that puts a smile on the face of a family member, friend or even total stranger.
Being technically a bit more on the introvert side, extended socializing can get quite challenging for me sometimes (especially when the alternative of a cozy movie night-in is on the table). If you can relate to this, that means you need to give it a little more try when it comes to it. Because it is true, being out there in the world, among the people you love, is the cure for all ills.
“Make someone happy.
Make just one someone happy.
And you will be happy too.”
– Jimmy Durante
Act without expectation
Lao Tze said it and so did Shakespeare. Act and then accept – don’t expect. Save yourself the unnecessary heartache and stop your ego from wanting to control everything. It cannot; and it should not. That’s the beauty of life.
“Oft expectation fails, and most oft there where most it promises.”
-Shakespeare
Be what you wish to experience
Some call it Law of Attraction, others plain old “positive thinking”. No matter how you choose to refer to it, the principle remains the same. You cannot sow barley and expect roses to bloom. If roses is what you’re set on, lay the groundwork for it- work really hard for this and keep your goal always in your sight. The garden will soon reveal itself to you.
A fun and inspiring way to do this is through visualization. Create a beautiful goals’ map, decorate it with photos, quotes, etc. and place it where you can see it everyday. That will give you all the boost you need.
“What you seek is seeking you.”
“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”
-Rumi
“Be the change you wish to see in the world”
-Gandhi
Cultivate yourself
Read, watch films, create; cultivate yourself, exactly like a tender plant that needs care, sun and water. The fruits it bears are precious and they are all yours for the taking.
And if you need a more academic approach to this, think Economics. According to theory, education is a quasi-public good; meaning that its advantages for the individual benefit the entire community as well. So, by bettering yourself you make the whole world better.
Do what you like, like what you do
When economies remain unpredictable and making a living according to one’s dreams and wishes is far from given, many people cannot do what they like, they may not have the luxury to turn their hobby into a decent paying job. In that case, seeing the glass as half full (yep, another round of positive thinking, please) and seeing the positive aspects of one’s pay job can literally work miracles. And sometimes in such ways that you may even see it in a whole new light and realize that you’re exactly where you were meant to be all along.
That doesn’t mean abandoning your dreams, of course. On the contrary, be patient and keep working on them – they deserve it.
Reacquaint yourself with nature
With the form our modern lifestyle has, few of us have easy access to a genuine natural environment. And yet, do try and build chances to get in touch with nature, even if it is e.g. by taking a walk in your local park or going on a quick seaside picnic. Nothing is impossible if you set your mind on it.
Nature has been dubbed the best therapy; and not undeservingly.
Be grateful
For every single person, thing and situation in your life, good or bad. If you embrace them, both are there to teach you and both mould you into becoming the best version of yourself. Be grateful. It goes a long way.
Smile
Remember the Buddhist meditation smile I was talking about? Science also says that when you smile even when you’re at your lowest, your mind gets tricked into believing you’re happy and it adjusts your body responses accordingly.
The times will always be modern; and our smile is for always.
2016: Year of De-Constructions – Or 12 Ways to Re-construct Yourself in 12 Months
It takes more than a mere blog entry to convey the many-level transformations this year has brought to my life as I knew it; and not that unexpectedly, now that I think about it.
I know many of you can relate to this, whether you’re Sagittarians who are into astrology and facing the second year of Saturn demolition, or not. Either way, the moment I decided to write down the 12 major lessons I experienced this year, for (hopefully not to be needed again) future reference, I decided to put this into a blog post and share them with you. So, here it goes!
“When you learn, teach, when you get, give.”
-Maya Angelou
Be authentic
And self-knowledge is your ticket to this; it’s a sun that has many beams: self-esteem, self-confidence… And all end up in how much you love and respect your own self.
There are many ways to tap into your true nature and each of us can go about it differently – e.g. take an MBTI personality test perhaps and see where that takes you. The sure thing is that you cannot keep putting on masks during your daily life or rely on others’ opinions of you to form an idea about who you really are. Don’t be afraid of some sincere and unprejudiced introspection; deep down there the best of friends you will ever have, awaits you: your own self.
And if all this sounds rather “selfish” to you, that’s a proof of how little you value your truth. As I have already written in a previous post, you will understand that only when you deeply know and love yourself are you capable of loving the others as they deserve, too. Love comes from within.
“Magic is believing in yourself; if you can do that, you can make anything happen.”
– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Detox I: Exercise and eat healthily
Ancient Greeks considered a healthy body to be the beginning of everything – νοῦς ὑγιής ἐν σώματι ὑγιεῖ (literally: healthy mind in a healthy body). And it is; the beginning of your psychological health, the strength of your mind, your zest for life. Do your research and come up with a diet and exercise plan that suits your needs and goals. You cannot fail when you look after your body and respect it, just like a good old friend.
“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.”
-Hippocrates
Detox II: Eliminate toxic relationships
Now I could not stress this one enough. As an empath since like forever, I have had more than my fair share of let downs in my life. And yet it is easy for the pattern to keep repeating itself over and over, when you “conveniently” tell yourself that you must be the faulty one and there’s no way out of it. Sometimes it takes one more bad social relationship for us to get hurt again and finally discover the light. During such a period I accidentally came across some articles about the narcissistic personality disorder and the more I read, the more goosebumps I got; quite a lot of people within my social circle (closer or broader) fit the description, even ones that I knew since my early childhood.
Then you realize that yes, you are at fault- for the time you let psychologically abusive, manipulative people prey on your feelings and distort your own sense of self. Once you recognize this, the revelations won’t stop; nor will your determination to cleanse. Toxic relationships out of the window, breath of life in. It’s tragically funny when you realize that the sun is only a decision away.
Living in the here and now
Regarded as the most grounding way to go, this is for most of us enough to change our entire life approach… Thus, easier said than done. When you’re not used to it at all – and it so happens when you get carried away by stressful thoughts and almost automatic over-thinking- sticking to this literally new way of life almost feels like the strictest diet regime ever; you need a constant snack of total mindfulness, without additives of random thoughts dragging you into worry-binging.
Meditation is the place to start, just pick a “genre” that suits you. The Buddhist way involves sitting with eyes half-open and a relaxed, unfading smile on your face. The chakra meditation helps you keep focus on a particular chakra in your body or might involve repeating a mantra or affirmation – bonus with this, you get to reprogram your subconscious into ridding itself of old, negative beliefs and thus healing in a most profound and awakening way.
There is no telling what this journey has in store for you; the only sure thing is that once you commit to it, you will never be the same.
Give love – especially when you are hurting
It will heal you. It can’t help but do so, that’s what love is. 2016 may have been a year of heartache for many (perhaps even dreading waking up in the morning, knowing the pain that awaited). Whenever the going gets pretty tough, what I do first is emerge myself in heart chakra meditation. The absolute emptiness, the hole you may feel in the place of your normally blooming heart won’t make it easy of course. But the key is to press on. Through the pain, through the tears and feeling of being lost, you will find that making your heart the temple of your existence will lead you back to the place you thought it’d take you forever to get back to. By believing, by manifesting you can still feel love, you will find yourself giving it again-unconditionally.
Sign up for volunteering or start even smaller: do a selfless act of kindness that puts a smile on the face of a family member, friend or even total stranger.
Being technically a bit more on the introvert side, extended socializing can get quite challenging for me sometimes (especially when the alternative of a cozy movie night-in is on the table). If you can relate to this, that means you need to give it a little more try when it comes to it. Because it is true, being out there in the world, among the people you love, is the cure for all ills.
“Make someone happy.
Make just one someone happy.
And you will be happy too.”
– Jimmy Durante
Act without expectation
Lao Tze said it and so did Shakespeare. Act and then accept – don’t expect. Save yourself the unnecessary heartache and stop your ego from wanting to control everything. It cannot; and it should not. That’s the beauty of life.
“Oft expectation fails, and most oft there where most it promises.”
-Shakespeare
Be what you wish to experience
Some call it Law of Attraction, others plain old “positive thinking”. No matter how you choose to refer to it, the principle remains the same. You cannot sow barley and expect roses to bloom. If roses is what you’re set on, lay the groundwork for it- work really hard for this and keep your goal always in your sight. The garden will soon reveal itself to you.
A fun and inspiring way to do this is through visualization. Create a beautiful goals’ map, decorate it with photos, quotes, etc. and place it where you can see it everyday. That will give you all the boost you need.
“What you seek is seeking you.”
“As you start to walk on the way, the way appears.”
-Rumi
“Be the change you wish to see in the world”
-Gandhi
Cultivate yourself
Read, watch films, create; cultivate yourself, exactly like a tender plant that needs care, sun and water. The fruits it bears are precious and they are all yours for the taking.
And if you need a more academic approach to this, think Economics. According to theory, education is a quasi-public good; meaning that its advantages for the individual benefit the entire community as well. So, by bettering yourself you make the whole world better.
Do what you like, like what you do
When economies remain unpredictable and making a living according to one’s dreams and wishes is far from given, many people cannot do what they like, they may not have the luxury to turn their hobby into a decent paying job. In that case, seeing the glass as half full (yep, another round of positive thinking, please) and seeing the positive aspects of one’s pay job can literally work miracles. And sometimes in such ways that you may even see it in a whole new light and realize that you’re exactly where you were meant to be all along.
That doesn’t mean abandoning your dreams, of course. On the contrary, be patient and keep working on them – they deserve it.
Reacquaint yourself with nature
With the form our modern lifestyle has, few of us have easy access to a genuine natural environment. And yet, do try and build chances to get in touch with nature, even if it is e.g. by taking a walk in your local park or going on a quick seaside picnic. Nothing is impossible if you set your mind on it.
Nature has been dubbed the best therapy; and not undeservingly.
Be grateful
For every single person, thing and situation in your life, good or bad. If you embrace them, both are there to teach you and both mould you into becoming the best version of yourself. Be grateful. It goes a long way.
Smile
Remember the Buddhist meditation smile I was talking about? Science also says that when you smile even when you’re at your lowest, your mind gets tricked into believing you’re happy and it adjusts your body responses accordingly.
The times will always be modern; and our smile is for always.
