Shannon Ables's Blog, page 281
October 17, 2016
A Fresh New Look
I have heard it said that a good rain shower is equivalent to offering a fresh start. As if the showers are washing away what was and offering an opportunity to become anew. Now, it may just be the pluviophile in me, but I took this interpretation to heart especially with the timing of our all-weekend long rainy extravaganza in Bend and the ending of my old blog design of three years, kicking off the revealing of the new home for all things simply luxurious.
It just so happened that I found myself downtown early Saturday morning with my two dogs Norman and Oscar that we spontaneously jumped out of the car and took a walk amongst the vibrant leaves. The above image of Norman took my breath away as not a filter was used and the eclectic mix of leaves that had congregated in one spot was truly surreal and spectacular.
Now I am getting a little off track, but actually not really.
Naguib Mantouz once shared about the finding of one’s authentic home to be the place “not where you are born, but where all your attempts to escape cease.” Such was the case when I arrived in Bend 15 months ago, and so is the case with TSLL’s new home online that you see today.
With the addition of the podcast, the release of the book and the growing interest to share my ardent affection for the French culture, TSLL’s audience has grown. And in doing has required of me to ask, “Am I offering my readers the best experience?”.
The result of how I answered that question and subequently chose to offer every TSLL reader the best experience I could imagine is now in front of you today.
The new TSLL is a place where you can come for regular, frequent or intermittent, inspiration, ideas and information. A destination where what you seek is easy to find, share and become involved with. A destination that is easy on the eyes and consistent in its offerings. For example, there will always be the most recent French-Inspired post just below the “Weekly Finds” scroll, just as you will always be able to see what was in the most recently weekly Style Inspiration and This & That post without having to scroll or click endlessly (the fourth and fifth post from the top – always).
There are so many new, user-friendly aspects that I cannot wait to share with you which is why for this entire Grand Reveal week, two posts will go live each day. And each day beginning on Tuesday at 1pm (pacific time), the second post of the day, a Petite Post will share more specific information about where you can find what on the new blog design.
Who is behind this new design you may be wondering? It is made entirely possible with the talent and creativity of the Dash Creative team. For more than five months they have listened to what I hoped TSLL could become and have surpassed my expectations. I was inspired to reach out to them after appreciating what they designed for a decor and lifestyle blogger whose blog I have been regularly visiting and been inspired by for years. Needless to say, the life lesson of surrounding yourself with people who are smart and dedicated has never been more true, and I am deeply grateful.
Inslee Fariss was as well involved with the new look of TSLL. Her illustration in the header fully embodies the many different, yet each vitally important, parts of living simply luxuriously: a quiet confidence to forge a path that is in alignment with our passions, values and purpose, simple, chic, yet thoughtful style, enjoying everyday pleasures and routines, letting go of perfect, always being curious and surrounding ourselves with love. A few have asked why only one of my pups is in the illustration, and to be honest, while this blog is my passion, much like my black English cocker spaniel Oscar, not everything about my life is revealed on TSLL blog. Yes, you do see glimpses of him from time to time on IG (and here on the blog, as seen below), but as Oscar is more of a behind-the-scenes kind of gentleman, he is just fine letting his brother have the limelight. 
A Powerful Couple: Boundaries & Vulnerability
“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.” – Henry Cloud
The exterior walls of our homes protect us from the elements, unwelcome visitors and excessive noise that might prevent us from rest and a deep sleep. Upon stepping on the terra firma of a different country, new rules apply, a unique currency is utilized to exchange for what we need and often a different way of communicating is expected.
Boundaries communicate expectations, limits and a clear means to succeed in navigation, relationships and security.
As simple and as seemingly obvious having boundaries in our individual lives sounds, often it is the lack of them that causes the frustrations and pain that upon reflection we recognize we didn’t make clear regarding what we would and wouldn’t tolerate.
The decade of my thirties has been a journey in wanting to understand myself more fully and deeply, to recognize my unconscious behavior defaults and let go of what no longer serves me. And what I have discovered when it comes to pain I have experienced in relationships (romantic, friendships, family and work) is that much of the pain could have been avoided if I would have had boundaries and the confidence to implement them.
Subsequently, because I did not have boundaries, but would reveal myself, making myself vulnerable, hoping to make a connection, there were times when those who would have been denied into my life, had I imposed boundaries, caused great pain.
But wait a second. Aren’t we supposed to be vulnerable in order to connect, establish deep, intimate, healthy relationships, and live a rich life? (as shared by Brené Brown in Daring Greatly). Yes, but the piece that we often forget, or I know at least I did, the crucial piece, and yes, a hard piece to incorporate as it requires discipline and may alienate some who have become accustomed to never hearing “no”, is to put into place boundaries.
The marriage of these two components, boundaries and vulnerability, was a significant aha moment for me. A game changer, if you will. No wonder I didn’t trust being vulnerable. I had never consistently put into place a system (boundaries) to vet who I welcomed into my personal world.
As soon as I acknowledged I held the keys to meeting people I could trust so that I then could begin to gradually be more vulnerable and build healthy relationships, I began to see my confidence improve and then my social life blossom as well. A social life I actually wanted to partake in because I felt I had sincere connections and was respected for who I truly was.
Setting boundaries is necessary in order to maintain our health, our mental clarity, healthy relationships and self-respect.
Setting boundaries begins with understanding what you need, what you can do and still handle the life you wish to lead well. Once you know your limits, you can build your boundaries. However, you can have temporary boundaries in the meantime as you are learning and discovering what and with whom you will be most comfortable and safe around. And whether the boundary is temporary or permanent, the second most important part is to communicate them clearly and with grace, and most definitely as a declaration, not a question.
“Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty.” – Melody Beattie
In many instances, upon setting boundaries, you will be tested. Not everyone will do this, but those who are quite comfortable with how things have been in the past and aren’t excited about this new change may push back just to make sure you are serious. Stand firm. Depending upon the relationship, share some general reasons as to why; however, an explanation isn’t necessary. Simply stating “no, I cannot do that” is absolutely enough. Some people may try to guilt or shame you, this again is not a reflection of you, but of them and how they try to gain what they want. Who wants a relationship that is built on guilt? I’d prefer, and I think you would as well, to build relationships on love, admiration and respect. I want people to be with me who enjoy being with me, and visa versa.
Where exactly in your life do you need to place boundaries? The answer to this question will depend upon you, the life you want to live and the people you want to share it with. Below are just a few areas that may offer an answer:
1. Work
Understanding your job’s expectations as well as how much energy and time you need to complete tasks will help you set boundaries to protect a productive work environment. As well, when you place boundaries, you become more comfortable leaving items incomplete until tomorrow as you know you will be able to produce quality work after some much needed rest.
2. Home
There are many different boundaries you could implement at your home. It begins with what your needs are. It could be regarding where guests can wander in your home, or the way in which you keep your home organized and clean. Again, these boundaries will be entirely unique to you and those you live with.
3. Family
As I have grown up I have come realize that while blood may tie me genetically to certain individuals, it does not give them an automatic pass to take advantage of me. The old adage, “we’re family” is never an excuse to treat something poorly simply because one needs something. Boundaries within your family will be unique to each individual. And based on the checklist below, decide with whom you need to re-enforce boundaries and who respects you and the life you are trying to live even if your boundaries haven’t been as clear as they needed to be.
4. Money
When you spend, how much you spend, on what you spend. Whether you share your income with your spouse and children, or are the only person funded by your income, be clear about what your financial goals are.
5. Dating
Everyone is going to have a different approach to dating based on a variety of factors. The key is again to know yourself, know what you’re comfortable with and be clear. One of the easiest ways to quickly discern if someone is worth getting to know further is if they respect your initial boundaries. Don’t soften them to please. Value yourself and others will value you. Those who don’t aren’t someone you want to go out on another date with anyways.
6. Friendships
There are many different friendships we will have in our lives. From the colleagues at work who we share our “water cooler news”, but don’t spend time with away from the office, to our closest friends who know are deepest fears and everything in between, each friendship will have a different boundary based on the individuals involved. The key again is to communicate and gradually allow yourself to be vulnerable as they gradually reveal themselves to you. Almost like a tennis match in a way. Some friendships will take significant time to get to know each other, others rather quickly, but the procession is that it is mutually shared.
7. Online
The boundaries we place online most definitely begin with understanding what we are putting online, how permanent what we share may be and who might see it. Protect yourself, be smart and simply be aware.
8. Our mind
The discussion of our minds have been quite prevalent here on TSLL, and it is a crucial place to set boundaries. Boundaries of what we allow ourselves to think, the self-talk we engage, and the ideas the outside world shares with us. Knowing how our mind works is a significant step to successfully setting boundaries. Click here to learn more about the power of our minds.
9. Our body
As a woman, but also as any human being, our bodies are ours, and ours alone. Period. What you do with your body is entirely up to you, but don’t be fooled into thinking anyone has a right to make decisions about your body except you.
“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” ― Brené Brown
A question you may be asking yourself: How do I know if I need to establish better boundaries? Essential Life Skills provided a worthwhile list that is simple, clear and direct. Take a look:
Going against personal values or rights in order to please others.
Giving as much as you can for the sake of giving.
Taking as much as you can for the sake of taking.
Letting others define you.
Expecting others to fill your needs automatically.
Feeling bad or guilty when you say no.
Not speaking up when you are treated poorly.
Falling apart so someone can take care of you.
Falling “in love” with someone you barely know or who reaches out to you.
Accepting advances, touching and sex that you don’t want.
Touching a person without asking.
The benefits of noticing, as I began to realize when I took time to self-reflect on my own lack of boundaries, is that we quickly understand that much of our angst in life is under our control to fix and change to greatly enhance the quality of our life.
Benefits of establishing healthy boundaries:
Your ability to communicate effectively will improve in all arenas of your life, as you will begin to see how communicating clearly and respectfully your boundaries to others pays off. You will begin to carry this skill over into all other walks of your life.
You will feel liberated from the expectations of others, as well, you will realize how capable you are.
The drama in your life will decrease, and your peace of mind will soar.
Clarity of your life’s purpose, direction and potential will be more readily available to you.
An increased self-confidence will begin to grow organically, and you will begin to understand what you can control and how to do it well.
Relationships will become healthier and destructive, hurtful engagements will be let go without shame or guilt.
A more successful journey as you pursue the life of your dreams.
“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say ‘No’ to almost everything.” ― Warren Buffett
The gift of setting boundaries is that it then allows us to be vulnerable without welcoming unnecessary hurt. Does it mean we won’t get hurt? No. Loving others, caring for others is both an amazing and at times painful journey. The gift however is that the pain is lessened and more often prompted by what we cannot control rather than by what we can.
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” – Brené Brown
Such a simple equation to learn. Depending upon how you were raised and who raised you, you may unconsciously establish healthy boundaries already, but for those who have not had it modeled, be patient with yourself as you learn this new and powerful skill. It will most certainly be worth your time and effort.
~SIMILAR POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY:
~7 Components of Strong, Healthy Relationships
~Why Not . . . Create a Healthy Social Circle?
~How to Construct a Healthy Social Circle
Petit Plaisir
~Chez Moi: Decorating Your Home and Living Like a Parisienne by Sarah Lavoine
~a podcast you may enjoy: 10 Ways to Unearth Your Inner Francophile, inspired by one of my favorite Francophile Lifestyle books, How to Be a Parisian Wherever You Are
Image: source
October 14, 2016
This & That: October 14, 2016
Books
—The Universe Has Your Back: Transform Fear to Faith by Gabrielle Bernstein
Best-selling author Gabrielle Bernstein’s new book is a journey through letting go of what no longer serves us (similar topic as this week’s episode of the podcast), and embracing a new found confidence in the life we are building for ourselves.
—Les Parisiennes: How the Women of Paris Lived, Loved and Died under Nazi Occupation by Anne Sebba
Next Tuesday best-selling author Anna Sebba’s book looking back to Paris during the Nazi Occupation will be released and with it insight into the daily horror and choices Parisian women had to make whilst attempting to survive in 1940s Paris. Knowledge of the culture many of us are so fascinated with provides much understanding of how traditions and ways of living have come to be, and this book is one I have a feeling will be eye-opening.
—Live Your Life, Not Theirs: 7 Money Habits to Live the Life you Want by Rachel Cruz
Daughter of financial guru Dave Berry, Rachel Cruz’s new book released last week offers approaches to dealing with money that begin with how we perceive the world around us. Beginning with refraining from comparison to shifting how you think about money, since money will always be an element we must deal with in our lives, why not learn how to master it?
—What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brains and Ourselves by Benjamin K. Bergen
I absolutely cannot wait to read this book. Language is a living and breathing entity, and it is imperative we understand why we use the words we use. And due to the visceral reactions many have when they hear it, yet so many of us utilize in moments of exuberant response, how did it come to exist and how do our brains grab on to these words without forethought? Released last month, if you’re a language teacher, like myself, this book is for us as well as the curious.
Cookbook
—Taste & Technique: Recipes to Elevate Your Home Cooking by Naomi Pomeroy
Portland-based chef and James Beard Award winning talent Gabrielle Bernstein has just released her first cookbook, and it is worth taking a look through. Discover her hard-won lessons, the undying passion and secrets to learning the fundamentals in the kitchen. With 140 recipes, Pomeroy goes step-by-step through seemingly difficult as well as simple classic recipes, using the basic techniques so that you too can be a master in your very own kitchen. Just released last month, this cookbook is worthwhile read as well as resource.
Shopping
—J.Crew workout wear
It seems everyone clothing company is taking note of the spike in athleisure wear that women are embracing in many walks of their lives. Consequently, J.Crew is doing something about it as it has partnered up with New Balance to release their first workout wear line of clothing. From bottoms, sports bras, tops, shoes and more, be sure to peruse the entire collection that just recently debuted.
Television
—Barefoot Contessa Episodes (new season)
And she returns! Ina Garten’s latest cookbook, Cooking for Jeffrey will be released on October 25th, and as is her custom, a new season of Barefoot Contessa on Food Network will kick off as well. Tune in this Sunday at 10:30am for the premiere episode “Food is Where the Heart Is” and set your DVRs for a total of six episodes that will lead right up to the holiday season. I cannot think of a better way to enjoy a leisurely Sunday morning.
~recipe for Chocolate Blueberry Lime Tart~
The wind is blowing and the rain is falling. It seems that change is in the air, and while it may be melancholic to relinquish the beauty and warmth of the summer season, the change that is coming will offer much excitement and more opportunities indeed. As in life and here on TSLL blog, as we grow, we need to let go of what is no longer serving us well, and in just a few days, you will notice a significant change. I cannot wait to share with you what we’ve been up to behind the scenes.
In the meantime, enjoy any opportunities to dine outside as the above image depicts (and what a simple, but lovely centerpiece, no?), and if you cannot, step into the kitchen and indulge in the most fascinating of tart recipes (above). I hope your week has gone well, and you are looking forward to a enjoyable weekend. I have gathered a few articles you might enjoy, and until Monday, bonne journée!
~16 Hard Truths About Relationships No One Wants to Admit
~Speaking of Love . . . there are five stages of love, but many people get stuck at the third
~How to Be a Polite Guest in a French Home
~The Surprising (or not so surprising) Ways Americans Dine Differently than Europeans
~Perhaps our brains are capable of being more elastic than we thought no matter what our age . . . this article reveals some intriguing findings
~A thoughtful conversation about the modern day gentleman. Can he exist in the twenty-first century?
Image: (2)
The post This & That: October 14, 2016 appeared first on The Simply Luxurious Life®.
October 13, 2016
Two Outfits of Savings
Shopbop’s end of season sale has begun and the sales are worth checking out. I’ve done some shopping for you pulling both a dressed-up and dressed down look, all items part of the sale. Simply use promo code MAINEVENT16 to save up to 30%. As well, a few more items were chosen and included in the shopping scroll at the bottom of the post. Check out the entire sale here.
~Botkier Bowery Cross Body Bag (navy & nude)
~Steven ‘Vienna’ leather sandal
~Sam Edelman ‘Ruby’ flats in oatmeal
~Kate Spade New York Darilynn sunglasses
~Black Halo 3/4 Sleeve Jackie O dress (four colors available), remember to order one size larger
SHOP the sale below:
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Chic Brooklyn Sophistication
Chevron wood floors, a corner location, fresh, clean white walls and forty windows to welcome the natural light. Recently put on the market for $14.5 million, this Brooklyn Heights townhouse offers a palette to put your signature style within. Enjoy the tour and be inspired by the simplicity and luxurious finishings.
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October 12, 2016
Why Not . . . Watch TV Worth Watching?
When fall arrives and the daylight hours become shorter and the temperatures drop, cozying up with a book is a treat, as well as stepping into the kitchen and having some fun, but after a long work week or an especially long work day, I enjoy watching a worthwhile television show. For either 20-40 minutes my mind takes a brief respite and I look forward to relaxing on the sofa with a soft throw and dogs who want to snuggle.
The 2016 fall season has welcomed some new series that look like they may stay around for a while as the writing is engaging, the actors are seasoned and the concepts fresh and creative while addressing timeless concepts. As well, there are some oldies, but goodies that I couldn’t help but to include.
Take a look below at 10 new and returning shows worth recording on your DVR for those few evenings that beckon you to relax and step out of your everyday routine.
1. Divorce
Starring Sarah Jessica Parker and Thomas Haden Church as a couple in the midst of a divorce living in the suburbs of New York, SJP’s character after evaluating her life and deciding she needs to make a change begins to recognize that the change she seeks isn’t as simple as she thought it might be. Tune in to HBO on Sundays at 10pm.
2. Bull
With his black Tom Ford spectacles, Michael Weatherly (formerly of NCIS), stars as Dr. Jason Bull. I will admit freely, I began watching the show not knowing it was inspired by Dr. Phil McGraw who was the founder of a prolific trial consultant firm, and instantly enjoyed the psychological analysis that is shared and utilized to better understand why individuals on a jury respond the way they do. Now that I know, I will still probably watch as Weatherly is winsome and the concept is intriguing. Tune to CBS on Tuesdays at 9pm.
3. CBS Sunday Morning with Jane Pauley
On Sunday 25th, Charles Osgood shared his last rhyme with viewers on CBS Sunday Morning. Serving as host for the last time after more than 20 years, it was a memorable tribute and even offered a peek into his home in the south of France. Passing along the baton to former Today Show anchor Jane Pauley, I am certain the show will be in good hands. She began her tenure this past Sunday, and it was evident that even though the personel may have changed, the format, the content and the tone will not. One of my favorite ways to enjoy a leisurely Sunday, be sure to tune in this coming Sunday as Sarah Jessica Parker will be featured. Tune in to CBS at 7am.
4. Notorious
Thursday evenings on ABC remain strong despite the long wait for Scandal to return (it will return in winter as Kerry Washington is having her second child). And what makes it far more easier to wait is the return to television of Piper Perabo. When Covert Affairs went off the air unexpectedly not to return and wrap up the new journey Perabo’s character would embark on, I was eager to see her return, and she finally has. Notorious places her as the powerful producer of an evening entertainment news program who has a strong platonic relationship that is both professionally beneficial as well as personally supportive with defense attorney Jake Gregorian (played by Daniel Sunjata). The plots are quick, dramatic and worth tuning in for on Thursday evenings on ABC at 9pm.
5. The Big Bang Theory
Okay, I am extremely late to join the bandwagon when it comes to Johnny Galecki, Kaley Cuoco, and Jim Parsons who star in the now tenth season of The Big Bang Theory, but I am thrilled there are so many seasons to watch and enjoy in my own time. This delightfully witty comedy is refreshing and worldly in its own unique way. Intelligence is at the forefront with a comedic twist, social awkwardness is, well, the norm, and I like that especially. Tune in to CBS on Monday at 8pm.
6. Madame Secretary
Téa Leoni stars in the third season of Madame Secretary, and while she was on the cusp of becoming the next vice president as the season begins paralleling the current election season, it appears she may remain Secretary of State for a few more months. As I mentioned two years ago, the draw of this show is the star, but it is also the scenes with her family (did you know she and Tim Daly who plays her onscreen husband, are dating off-screen?) that are just as rich and full of thoughtful, and at times, playful banter that offer a depth to the show not often seen on political dramas. The staff as well is engaging, humorous, intelligent and every once in awhile, Leoni gets the rare opportunity for a short comedic scene, which she recently shared was something she misses getting the chance to partake in.
7. Grey’s Anatomy
Having just began its 13th season, Shonda Rhimes’ original drama isn’t showing signs of slowing down. The voice-over life lessons shared by Meredith Grey each episode, the unending romantic drama, and a cast that continues to gain sympathy and adoration, each week I savor it ever more as I know there will come a season when it is no more. Tune in to ABC on Thursdays at 8pm.
8. Insecure
A new series on HBO, Insecure and its leading actress Issa Rae have been receiving rave reviews for the 30 minute comedy showcasing the personal and professional lives of two friends navigating the journey of their lives in Los Angeles. Created by Issa Rae and Larry Wilmore, the comedy depicts two black women who are not exactly strong, confident and “flawless”. Issa’s character, Issa, is determined to figure out what she wants out of life, and Molly, a corporate attorney is battling the insecurities she has internally, attempting to fix them with external means. You can watch the first episode for free here.
9. Designated Survivor
Kiefer Sutherland stars as the lucky, sole surviving cabinet member to be catapulted to the seat of the President when an attack occurs on the Capitol Building during the annual State of the Union address. Critics appear to be fans of this new drama which airs on ABC Wednesdays at 10pm, but I must admit after watching the pilot, I was intrigued. With a mix of Madame Secretary family appeal along with urgency of Quantico as the need to find the perpetrator of the atrocity, I am looking forward to tuning in and seeing how the first season unfolds.
10. Code Black
Last year Code Black premiered with Marcia Gay Harden at the helm as Dr. Leanne Rorish flanked by her trusted nurse played by Luis Guzman. Set in Los Angeles, this intense medical drama is non-stop emergency. This season Rob Lowe was added as an army medic, his reasons for joining the hospital are something his character refuses to share, but so far the second season is holding up all right and will certainly tug at your heartstrings each episode. Tune on Wednesdays on CBS at 10pm.
Now that your DVR is scheduled to be full, enjoy knowing you always have something worth watching. And please do share any show you are enjoying this season.
The post Why Not . . . Watch TV Worth Watching? appeared first on The Simply Luxurious Life®.
October 11, 2016
Parisian Details
Paris week has wrapped up and with it the spring 2017 collection presentations and a month-long parade of glorious styles and inspiration. Paris offered some beautiful weather and a glimpse at creative fall ensembles. The handbags in particular had my attention, and I am reminded why I am drawn to the shoulder handbag: mid-size, unobtrusive and transition well from day to evening. As well, the midi-skirt worn with knee boots is another look I want to try. It speaks warmth, and reminds me of the seventies when women wore similar styles, loose in just the right places and tailored to reveal the woman’s physique. Shop a few of my selections at the bottom of the post.
Photographer Sandra Semburg, for Vogue Paris, captures some glimpses at the details on exhibit on Paris streets, and for even more fall inspiration, view all 300 images of her images here.
~SHOP Shoulder Bags and Midi Skirts below:
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~STYLE INSPIRATION posts from the Archives:
The post Parisian Details appeared first on The Simply Luxurious Life®.
Paris week has wrapped up and with it the spring 2017 co...
Paris week has wrapped up and with it the spring 2017 collection presentations and a month-long parade of glorious styles and inspiration. Paris offered some beautiful weather and a glimpse at creative fall ensembles. The handbags in particular had my attention, and I am reminded why I am drawn to the shoulder handbag: mid-size, unobtrusive and transition well from day to evening. As well, the midi-skirt worn with knee boots is another look I want to try. It speaks warmth, and reminds me of the seventies when women wore similar styles, loose in just the right places and tailored to reveal the woman’s physique. Shop a few of my selections at the bottom of the post.
Photographer Sandra Semburg, for Vogue Paris, captures some glimpses at the details on exhibit on Paris streets, and for even more fall inspiration, view all 300 images of her images here.
~SHOP Shoulder Bags and Midi Skirts below:
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~STYLE INSPIRATION posts from the Archives:
The post appeared first on The Simply Luxurious Life®.
October 10, 2016
The Importance of Good Service
“If we aren’t aware that these stories are being told — both internally and externally — if we do not even know that they are stories, then we are unwittingly at their mercy and we miss an opportunity to mature.” —Gangaji
~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #125
As fewer and fewer people have landlines as the transition to mobile communication has become common place, we can all most likely recall a situation in which the service was spotty. Consequently, the communication became nearly, if not entirely, impossible and the quality of the experience was greatly diminished. Similarly, when we choose to dine at a restaurant and the waitstaff neglects to tend to our table, brings us the wrong food and then attempts to hurry us out the door in order to seat another reservation, the quality of our experience is diminished and most likely we may refrain from returning in the future due to the negative memory.
The idea of service is defined as doing something for someone or fulfilling a need. Keeping this definition in the forefront of our mind, contemplate the following phrase, “Let go of what is no longer serving you.”
I recently came across this phrase, and it fueled great contemplation to determine what exactly was serving me and what was not. After all, if it was as easy as letting it go, I couldn’t help but at least try to determine what I have welcomed into my life that was hindering my potential, progress and attainment of contentment. And perhaps, I wasn’t even aware of the hindrance, which in many ways made this process harder. However, during the past six months I have been pondering the idea of stories.
Stories are what we allow to infiltrate our mind and filter how we see the world, and thus how we decide to live in the world. In Brené Brown’s most recent book Rising Strong she’s relabels the stories we tell ourselves that do not serve us as “conspiracies” and “confabulations”. I found such diction quite accurate after further investigating the stories I have been telling myself for years that truly have never been of benefit to me in any way.
Brown goes on to share that “in the absence of data, we will always make up stories . . . in fact, the need to make up a story, especially when we are hurt, is part of our most primitive survival wiring. Meaning making is in our biology, and our default is and offers us insight into how best to self-protect.” And when we craft a story that we are satisfied with (no matter how true or false), “our brains reward us with dopamine when we recognize and complete patterns . . . unfortunately, we don’t need to be accurate, just certain.” Ah, and here is where we must catch ourselves. This is what can be difficult.
In order to get to the truth, we have to be comfortable with uncertainty for a time. We have to be okay with being vulnerable because that is the only way we will get to the truth. We cannot demand that the answers be available when we want them to be simply because we are hurt and want to feel better. No. We must recognize that accepting a story that is false will actually cause us even more pain.
Let’s get back to the idea of service. The good news about service, as it relates to stories, is we are the ones providing the service to ourselves. We are the ones picking the “book” off the shelf and choosing to devour what it has to say because in our minds at that time, minds that do not have all of the information, it fills the void of what we do not know and seems to ameliorate the pain.
For example, if your life isn’t following the path you had expected or perhaps what your family had expected of you, you may accept the story of what has been tossed around either at the family dinner table, your community: that you’re so far off track, there’s no hope of achieving true contentment. Just give up now, throw your hands up and accept the negative names and labels that have been used to shame people for not adhering to what is “normal”.
First of all, do you know how hard it was to even write that paragraph? Such a story is full of gaps and accepted fallacies and falsehoods, but what made it even more difficult to write is that many people accept such stories and give up. They give up after having accepted a lie. But the lie is what they’ve been conditioned to see as the truth, and so they feel they have reached a certainty and at least know. They would rather know and then accept something that is in no way going to enliven them, bring them contentment or in other words serve them (remember the definition? to fulfill a need; to help someone), than leave themselves vulnerable for a temporary period of time.
The truth about stories is that they contain no truth. Sometimes we have to accept that we just don’t know the answers, and while we most likely will know the answers down the road (but not always), we have to find comfort in not knowing. I have shared my experience often about always wishing I would have had a role model, a complete role model to look up to so that I would know exactly how to proceed through life. Why? So I wouldn’t have to deal with uncertainty.
Uncertainty is uncomfortable. But the funny truth is, even if I would have had a role model to attempt to imitate, the circumstances wouldn’t have been exactly the same as we live in a world that is perpetually changing. And as scary as that may sound to some, it is actually a very good thing. Why? Because we are the drivers at the wheel. We can have a say in how we travel the course of our lives. But if we choose to accept stories or anything into our lives that does not serve us, we are the only ones to blame.
After reading this, if you examine your life and you determine that you have a story or two that is not serving you well, not bringing out the best in you, or holding you back, take a deep breath and accept that not knowing why certain aspects of your life are the way they are is okay. Not knowing will leave you open to jump starting your curiosity. You will be more motivated to seek the truth because you know that accepting a lie hasn’t served you well at all.
The benefits of recognizing what is no longer serving us is manifold:
We become unstuck
We open ourselves up to healthier relationships
We learn how amazingly capable we are
Our mood is lifted
The world becomes a more enjoyable place to live
We stop projecting our fears onto others that had nothing to do with where our pain came from in the first place
We begin to heal
We begin to mature and grow and step into being the person we are capable of being
The idea of service is really about what is enabling you to live your best life. Today the discussion centered around stories but if there is anything else in your life that is not serving you, consider why you have allowed it to remain in your life. Would you put up with spotty cell phone service repeatedly? Would you put up with an elected official who was not doing their job to represent their constituents? Would you put up with unreliable utility service of any kind that you need to run your life? Let go of what is not serving you and you will set yourself free.
~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:
~10 Tools Fulfilled People Use to Squash Negativity
~10 Things Content People Understand About Uncertainty
Petit Plaisir:
~Mini Apple Pies
I have made many apple pies and apple tarts in my baking past, but this time I was in search of the perfect flavor. After listening to Lynne Rossetto Kasper and her advice on how to choose the perfect varietal to achieve the ideal tart and sweet flavor, I figured it out.
~Click here for the recipe
Image: source
The post The Importance of Good Service appeared first on The Simply Luxurious Life®.
October 9, 2016
Mini Apple Pies
After listening to one of my favorite weekly podcasts, The Splendid Table, I was reminded by Lynne Rossetto Kasper that the type of apple you choose is paramount for achieving the desired flavor. Simple advice, but often forgotten as we dart into the market to pick up “apples”. With the recommendation of blending at least two types of apples: one tart and one sweet, I set out to test this theory (see chart at the bottom of the post to determine which apples to pick up at the market).
Choosing to combine two Golden Delicious (tart & firm) with two Honeycrisp (sweet & firm), I also included two Gala apples (sweet & tender). Typically, tender apples are not what you want for apple pies but because I slice my apples über thin (and Galas are my favorite), my approach was just like one chooses a wine. Choose what you like, like what you drink. In this case, “cook with what you like, like what you taste“.
The result was flavorful, decadent and fulfilling as it melted in your mouth due to the finely shaved slices. The lattice was my first attempt, and while it may not appear perfect, I was delighted that it was quite easy to do (instructions are included below within the recipe should you want to attempt it as well) and had fun playing with the dough, so to speak.
Needless to say, when fall arrives, I cannot imagine not tasting a slice of homemade apple pie. Pair with a hot cup of coffee or tea and savor the season.
Mini Apple Pies
yield: four mini pies (or one traditional pie)
Ingredients:
1 cup unsalted butter
2 cups unbleached all-purpose flour
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup very cold water
(The main secret to flakey pie crust is temperature. Chill! Chill! Chill! Feel free to chill all the dry ingredients as well as the butter.)
Directions:
1.Place the flour, butter (cut into small cubes or pieces), sugar and salt into a food processor. Pulse until mixture is combined.
2. Trickle in the (ice) water until is combined, but not too compacted. Collect it into 2 equal sized balls and pat each one into a disk. Wrap the disks in plastic wrap and chill for at least 30 minutes or until ready to roll.
Pie Filling
Ingredients:
6-7 apples, peeled, cored, and sliced finely (I used a box grater and used the “slice” side)
1/2 cup granulated sugar (depends on the sweetness of your apples, if not tart ones are included, use less)
1 teaspoon cinnamon
pinch nutmeg
pinch salt
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour, cornstarch or quick-cooking tapioca
zest of one orange
2 tablespoons of fresh orange juice
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
OPTIONAL – 1/3 cup dried cranberries
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into small cubes
Directions:
1. Preheat the oven to 425 F. Roll out and fit the bottom crust into four tartlet (removable bottom) pans, roll out the top crust flat and slide it onto a baking sheet. Chill both bottom and top pie crusts while you prepare the filling.
2. Mix the apples, sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, salt, orange zest and flour in a large mixing bowl until the apple slices are well coated. Taste and adjust sugar and spices, if necessary. Add orange and lemon juice.
3. Mound the filling into the prepared pie crust and dot with 2 tablespoons butter. Put on the top crust and seal the edges well together. Crimp the edges. Make slits in the top crust to vent. Put the pie on the baking sheet to protect the oven floor from drips.
For an optional Lattice top:
roll out the dough for the top as you normally would. Then slice into 1/2″ (or smaller) strips). Lay four strips across horizontally; pull back halfway two strips (every other). Place a strip going vertically over the two that remain fully across the pie. Return the strips that were pull back. Continue to alternate, until you have four strips each way. See a demonstration here.
4. Bake the mini pies for 15 minutes, then reduce the heat to 350 and continue baking until the crust is deeply golden brown and the juices are bubbling, about 40 minutes more.
Serve warm with French vanilla ice cream or cold for a fabulous breakfast or snack.
~graphic found along with the corresponding article on Splendid Table~
The post Mini Apple Pies appeared first on The Simply Luxurious Life®.
