Shannon Ables's Blog, page 274

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

It has taken me time to build a winter wardrobe that both kept me warm and as well as stylish, and while I am still making tweaks (this wool/cashmere camel trench is begging to come home with me – a similar option here), gradually it is coming together. Part of the reason it has taken time is that winter outerwear items are investments. But on the flip-side, they last for many years. Whether you are looking for a long wool coat, an at-the-knee belted blend coat, or maybe even a cape (as seen below), explore to find what works for your style and then be willing to pounce when you see it on sale during the end-of-season sales this time of year. While I have made some purchases that initially appeared to be a bargain, it was the coats that I had to save up for that I continue to wear today (however, don’t forget to check out your local consignment shop, as sometimes you can find amazing pieces for a fraction of the price).

Enjoy some winter style inspiration and shop a few discounted items I found while shopping online below.

~SHOP Designer Outwear Options on sale, below:

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~Discover more Style Inspiration posts here.

 

Stop Looking for Love and Start Learning How to Love

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #134
“A startling paradox that bespeaks how we, as a culture, cripple ourselves in the journey to love — if one wanted to learn about cars, one would ‘without question study about automobiles’; if one wanted to become a gourmet cook, one would ‘certainly study the art of cooking, perhaps even attend a cooking class.’ But when it comes to love, Buscaglia points out, we expect the skill of it will magically bestow itself upon us. ‘No mechanic or cook,’ he writes, ‘would ever believe that by ‘willing’ the knowledge in his field, he’d ever become an expert in it.’” -on Leo Buscaglia’s Why Love is a Learned Language

Successful business mogul Warren Buffett has famously advised to write down 25 things we want to do in life and then promptly focus solely on the top five and forget about the other 20. Why? The time we have to dedicate to anything is finite, therefore if we want to achieve something of quality: a skill, a reputation, an invention, a business, anything at all, we have to give it our full attention. And if we have a laundry list of things we want to achieve, we are often distracted by what we are not able to do and not fully giving ourselves to what we should be focused on.

Along the same argument, in Malcolm Gladwell’s best-selling book Outliers, he shares research that finds that it takes 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to develop the level of proficiency of most professionals (Gladwell further clarifies that this holds true primarily in cognitively demanding fields, but assists tremendously in others such as sports).

Taking into consideration these two components, I couldn’t help but ascertain that the combination of focus and practice, deliberate practice, while helpful in our professional pursuits and pursuit of realizing our dreams would be quite beneficial within our everyday lives as well. For example, perhaps we too should deliberately practice as well as pay close attention to learning how to cultivate stronger relationships, a deeper, more fulfilling everyday experience and overall contentment as we proceed through life.

Two books I have read in the past six months shared a common message about one’s success in love. Not to equate love as a competition, but rather to be successful in making healthy, deep, sincere connections with others, choosing to learn how to love is crucial.

Considering that expectations, mores and gender roles have been in constant flux for centuries, we don’t enter the world knowing how to love and love well. It is a learned behavior. As Dr. Leo Buscaglia reveals in Love: What Life is All About, “One cannot give what he does not possess. To give love you must possess love.” And in order to possess love and then know how to give it, we must become a student of love.

Imagine for a moment as far back as you are able of what love looked like to you. Maybe it was your parents, maybe it was revealed in the fairy tales read to you, maybe it was the television shows or your older sibling talking about their adventures in relationships. While all of these may have contained aspects of love, some far more than others, love is an action that we only learn how to exercise in our own lives if we practice it. And we can only become successful if we practice it properly. Much like watching a cook demonstrate how to slice an onion, we don’t become proficient by observing, we become proficient by doing. We cannot buy love, we cannot hire love. No. Instead, we have to become a student of love, and live it every day.

Which leads me to the most magnificent and hopeful news I want to share with you today. Each one of us can cultivate the love we want in our lives. Each one of us has the potential, and it all begins with us and then what we begin to put out into the world.

“It’s simply this — the limitless potential of love within each person eager to be recognized, waiting to be developed, learning to grow.” —Leo Buscaglia

With that understanding, let the journey begin. Or should I say let the course on love begin. I, perhaps like you, have always loved the idea of love. But now I have to ask myself, was I errantly and ignorantly getting in my own way?

As the new year begins and the first episode of the podcast goes live on Monday January 2, tune and discover what I have found out and am looking forward to sharing.

~SIMILAR POSTS YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Why Not . . . Stop the Pursuit?

~The Most Important Ingredient for a Healthy Romance

~17 Ways to be a Good Partner

Petit Plaisir:
— Ma Vie à Paris (English & French versions) – deliverable to EU countries

—created by French Home Goods company Astier de Villatte, owners Ivan Pericoli and Benoît Astier de Villatte

—Pick up a copy in Bend, Oregon, at Nicole Michelle Decor

—Special order at your local bookstore.

~Learn more about the SAIG Linotype printing press machine here and the process of printing this one of a kind Parisian guide book here.

~hand drawn maps and black and white photos on nearly every page~

 

 

This & That: December 9, 2016

Books
—How to See: Looking, Talking and Thinking about Art by David Salle

Released in October and recommended by The Wall Street Journal as a holiday gift for the art lover on your holiday shopping list, David Salle helps readers answer the following questions: How does art work? How does it move us, inform us and challenge us? As someone who while not majoring in art at college chose a couple of art history courses in college, I became quickly enamored with art. I have a feeling having this book on hand to explore would be worth the time spent reading.

—The Undoing Project: A Friendship That Changed Our Minds by Michael Lewis

A book to shift your understanding of your mind. Moneyball author Michael Lewis returns with his already best-selling new book The Undoing Project to reveal what two brilliant Israeli psychologists discovered over forty years ago: the assumptions (in some instances referred to as intuition) we rely on for decision-making processes, may not be as reliable as we think. Fascinating and a book that has captured my interest. I look forward to making my way through it during the long upcoming holiday.

Cookbook
—The Happy Cook: 125 Recipes for Eating Every Day Like It’s the Weekend by Daphne Oz

As the cohost of ABC’s The Chew, best-selling author Daphne Oz puts the fun and the flavor back into the everyday menu. Discover 125 delicious, yet simple recipes such as Crispy-Crunchy Honey-Thyme Granola for breakfast or Truffle Salt Roast Chicken with Lentils and Squash for dinner. The flavors are amped up and why not? Just because it’s Wednesday, does not mean we need to skimp on treating ourselves.

—Simple by Diana Henry

A similar cookbook released this past fall, Diana Henry offers simple recipes made from what is already in our cupboards to satiate those we cook for and our own palate as well. For example, try Turkish Pasta with Caramelized Onions for dinner or Parmesan-roasted Cauliflower with Garlic and Thyme. Sounds delicious and if it’s simple, why not give it a try?

Decor
—Brass Watering Can

Functional and chic, CB2 brass watering can will look like a decor item on the shelf and be readily available for watering any of your indoor plants.

Film
—Frank & Lola

Michael Shannon and Imogen Poots star in a psycho-romantic thriller set in Paris which debuted at Sundance this past year. Shannon stars as a culinary talent from Las Vegas and begins a passionate affair with Poots’ character. All is wonderful as their relationship provides an escape from the lives that are missing substance they can’t seem to find anywhere else, until Poots has an affair. The trailer below teases the rest. Premiering in theaters today, it is certainly a different genre for this time of year, but maybe it is exactly the escape you are looking for.

—Miss Sloane

A high-profile and successful lobbyist in Washington D.C. academy award nominee Jessica Chastain stars as Miss Sloane. Critics have gave their thumbs up, and I too cannot wait to slip into the theater for a dramatic escape. Asked to help oppose a bill that imposes regulations on firearms, she decides instead to assist a smaller firm to support the bill thus provoking the conflict. With her career, as well as her family and friends threatened for her position, the question arises, is one’s professional pursuit worth one’s life and those you love? Have a look at the trailer below and look for it in theaters now.

Shopping
—Tome V-Neck Silk Stripe Shirt Dress

Did you know, there are drastic reductions going on at Moda Operandi that are being kept a little under the radar? However, if you have Shoptagr you probably already know that you can save an additional 20% the sale price with HOLIDAY20 at check out. I have been eyeing Tome’s silk blue and white stripe midi dress for weeks, but at this price, I might have to pounce for an investment item to enjoy for many summers to come. Below are a few other items to shop and save even more than the listed sale’s price.

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Television
—Mozart in the Jungle

The Golden Globe award winning comedy produced by Amazon returns today with its third season. The New York Symphony continues to be on the lock-out that wrapped up season two, but viewers can be expected to be whisked away to Venice with the eccentric conductor Rodrigo and Haley who decides to tour with Andrew Walsh. Prime members can view the season for free, and if the third season is anything like season one or two, we’re definitely in for a treat to perhaps binge on during a snowy day.

~recipe for Pear, Chocolate and Ricotta Tart~

The snow came down yesterday as the morning began and it didn’t relent until the afternoon. With more than eight inches of snow, winter officially arrived and with it a ginormous permanent grin on my face. After shoveling the sidewalk and driveway, saying hello to all of the neighbors as we scurried to make a path before the next snowfall arrived, I was reminded how lovely this time of year can be. Yes, we have to drive slowly and sometimes not drive as much, but to be forced by Mother Nature to slow down in all things, savor the simple moments of snuggling and sipping, I must say, it is a wonderful gift she brings us each year.

I hope you are doing well and enjoying the holiday season. Whether you have snow or not, just knowing that the end of the year is nearly upon us and celebrations just because with those we love and work with are made available is a worthwhile event to give cheer. As for me, the mountain beckons, so this weekend will see me classic skiing through the snow with the boys romping about. As well, some time to read and relax. I do hope you have a wonderful weekend, and thank you for stopping by. Below are a few articles you might enjoy. Until Monday, bonne journée!

~NPR shares their Best Books of 2016

~The Best Places to Retire in France . . . dare to dream

~Speaking of France and a potential move, read How to Move to France by Oui in France

~No matter where you live, read this list to avoid wasting another moment of this extraordinary gift called life, 16 Insanely Popular Ways to Waste a Beautiful Day

~How to Achieve the Effortless Elegance of a Parisian . . .

~And if you still have a bit of shopping to do for the holidays, read this How to Be a Smarter Holiday Shopper 

This & That: December 8, 2016

Books
—How to See: Looking, Talking and Thinking about Art by David Salle

Released in October and recommended by The Wall Street Journal as a holiday gift for the art lover on your holiday shopping list, David Salle helps readers answer the following questions: How does art work? How does it move us, inform us and challenge us? As someone who while not majoring in art at college chose a couple of art history courses in college, I became quickly enamored with art. I have a feeling having this book on hand to explore would be worth the time spent reading.

—The Undoing Project: A Friendship That Changed Our Minds by Michael Lewis

A book to shift your understanding of your mind. Moneyball author Michael Lewis returns with his already best-selling new book The Undoing Project to reveal what two brilliant Israeli psychologists discovered over forty years ago: the assumptions (in some instances referred to as intuition) we rely on for decision-making processes, may not be as reliable as we think. Fascinating and a book that has captured my interest. I look forward to making my way through it during the long upcoming holiday.

Cookbook
—The Happy Cook: 125 Recipes for Eating Every Day Like It’s the Weekend by Daphne Oz

As the cohost of ABC’s The Chew, best-selling author Daphne Oz puts the fun and the flavor back into the everyday menu. Discover 125 delicious, yet simple recipes such as Crispy-Crunchy Honey-Thyme Granola for breakfast or Truffle Salt Roast Chicken with Lentils and Squash for dinner. The flavors are amped up and why not? Just because it’s Wednesday, does not mean we need to skimp on treating ourselves.

—Simple by Diana Henry

A similar cookbook released this past fall, Diana Henry offers simple recipes made from what is already in our cupboards to satiate those we cook for and our own palate as well. For example, try Turkish Pasta with Caramelized Onions for dinner or Parmesan-roasted Cauliflower with Garlic and Thyme. Sounds delicious and if it’s simple, why not give it a try?

Decor
—Brass Watering Can

Functional and chic, CB2 brass watering can will look like a decor item on the shelf and be readily available for watering any of your indoor plants.

Film
—Frank & Lola

Michael Shannon and Imogen Poots star in a psycho-romantic thriller set in Paris which debuted at Sundance this past year. Shannon stars as a culinary talent from Las Vegas and begins a passionate affair with Poots’ character. All is wonderful as their relationship provides an escape from the lives that are missing substance they can’t seem to find anywhere else, until Poots has an affair. The trailer below teases the rest. Premiering in theaters today, it is certainly a different genre for this time of year, but maybe it is exactly the escape you are looking for.

—Miss Sloane

A high-profile and successful lobbyist in Washington D.C. academy award nominee Jessica Chastain stars as Miss Sloane. Critics have gave their thumbs up, and I too cannot wait to slip into the theater for a dramatic escape. Asked to help oppose a bill that imposes regulations on firearms, she decides instead to assist a smaller firm to support the bill thus provoking the conflict. With her career, as well as her family and friends threatened for her position, the question arises, is one’s professional pursuit worth one’s life and those you love? Have a look at the trailer below and look for it in theaters now.

Shopping
—Tome V-Neck Silk Stripe Shirt Dress

Did you know, there are drastic reductions going on at Moda Operandi that are being kept a little under the radar? However, if you have Shoptagr you probably already know that you can save an additional 20% the sale price with HOLIDAY20 at check out. I have been eyeing Tome’s silk blue and white stripe midi dress for weeks, but at this price, I might have to pounce for an investment item to enjoy for many summers to come. Below are a few other items to shop and save even more than the listed sale’s price.

Turn on your JavaScript to view content

 

Television
—Mozart in the Jungle

The Golden Globe award winning comedy produced by Amazon returns today with its third season. The New York Symphony continues to be on the lock-out that wrapped up season two, but viewers can be expected to be whisked away to Venice with the eccentric conductor Rodrigo and Haley who decides to tour with Andrew Walsh. Prime members can view the season for free, and if the third season is anything like season one or two, we’re definitely in for a treat to perhaps binge on during a snowy day.

~recipe for Pear, Chocolate and Ricotta Tart~

The snow came down yesterday as the morning began and it didn’t relent until the afternoon. With more than eight inches of snow, winter officially arrived and with it a ginormous permanent grin on my face. After shoveling the sidewalk and driveway, saying hello to all of the neighbors as we scurried to make a path before the next snowfall arrived, I was reminded how lovely this time of year can be. Yes, we have to drive slowly and sometimes not drive as much, but to be forced by Mother Nature to slow down in all things, savor the simple moments of snuggling and sipping, I must say, it is a wonderful gift she brings us each year.

I hope you are doing well and enjoying the holiday season. Whether you have snow or not, just knowing that the end of the year is nearly upon us and celebrations just because with those we love and work with are made available is a worthwhile event to give cheer. As for me, the mountain beckons, so this weekend will see me classic skiing through the snow with the boys romping about. As well, some time to read and relax. I do hope you have a wonderful weekend, and thank you for stopping by. Below are a few articles you might enjoy. Until Monday, bonne journée!

~NPR shares their Best Books of 2016

~The Best Places to Retire in France . . . dare to dream

~Speaking of France and a potential move, read How to Move to France by Oui in France

~No matter where you live, read this list to avoid wasting another moment of this extraordinary gift called life, 16 Insanely Popular Ways to Waste a Beautiful Day

~How to Achieve the Effortless Elegance of a Parisian . . .

~And if you still have a bit of shopping to do for the holidays, read this How to Be a Smarter Holiday Shopper 

Holiday Attire: A Touch of Blush

 

~Theory Open Blazer, 35% off~

~Protagonist cigarette Jacquard pants 

~Tibi silk cami (other colors available)~

~Jimmy Choo tide patent-leather pumps, 30% off~

~Julie Vos Botticelli statement earrings~

~DVF gallery uptown woven leather clutch, 50% off~

~SHOP the OUTFIT:

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~View other Outfits of the Week here.

A Cottage Vacation in Devon

One of my favorite holiday movies to watch is The Holiday, directed and written by Nancy Meyers. A simple title to remember, and it never fails to bring comfort and a jovial spirit about life and our individual journey. Granted I am not a movie trailer creator, nor do I live in England, but when I saw this Devon cottage located in the North Bovey in Dartmoor National Park, I imagined it as the cottage that Cameron Diaz’s character arrived at for her much needed respite. However, this cottage is even more simply luxurious with its fireplaces, soaking tub and light, calming hues. The one important similarity to the film is that you can rent the cottage for your next vacation to the United Kingdom countryside.

With Bovey castle just a 20 minute walk away, as a guest of the cottage you will have complimentary membership to the 5-star castle and all of its amenities: spa, jacuzzi, tennis courts, golf and more. More importantly, nature is truly at your doorstep as you will see in some of the images below. Learn more here about how to reserve your stay.

~See more Decor Inspiration here.

11 Skills Worth Practicing No Matter What Your Age

Before Serena Williams won her first Grand Slam tennis final in 1999 at the age of 18, she had been practicing and finessing her game since the age of 3.  Fifteen years of practice. 

Success not only in our careers but in our daily lives comes from intentionally choosing to improve, to grow, again and again and again. Day after day when seemingly no reward has been achieved . . . yet.

Whether or not you have had been involved with athletics, the analogy to athletics is quite apt when in comes to learning a new skill and observing how it can reform the quality of our lives. The glory of winning 22 grand slam titles for Williams didn’t just occur. Yes, she has been at the top of the leader board many times over the course of the past 15 years, but there were many stumbles, setbacks and significant challenges along the way.

In relationship to living well, doing so is not something we innately know how to do. We have to be a student of life. We have to be willing to not get it right from time to time. We have to be willing to refuse to settle with what we know if what we know doesn’t work for us, doesn’t sit well or isn’t garnering the results, deeper connections and peace of mind we seek.

The good news about so much of the life we want to create for ourselves, those we love and the world, is that with repeated practice, we can retrain our minds which isn’t dependent upon external conditions but rather inner strength. Inner strength being something we all are capable of exercising if we only would tap into it.

Today I’d like to take a look at 11 skills we all can practice that will have profoundly positive effects on the overall quality of our everyday lives.

1. How to love well

“Love requires practice, finesse, determination, humility, energy and delicacy . . . “ – Hannah Rothschild

Often the kink in not being able to find contentment is not understanding how love, the love we seek, actually works. Too often we are seeking it rather than cultivating it. Because when we cultivate it and when we do it well (something we will talk about more in January here on the blog, but have talked about much in the past – click here), we recognize that it is a skill and it is something we can bring into our lives simply by embodying love in our daily actions, thoughts and lives.

2. Your craft

“This is how many people become artists, musicians, writers, computer programmers, record-holding athletes, scientists… by spending time alone practicing what they love.” —Meg Cabot

Someone who appears to be an overnight success, undoubtedly has been working for years at their craft. Exploring, tweaking, learning, making mistakes and continuing to practice what they love through it all whether there was applause or stone-cold silence. Whatever it is that you love to do, simply practice a little every single day. Eventually, you will reflect upon a journey that has led you to heights you had never expected.

3. How to learn

Each of us has different learning styles, but all of us can learn. Discover how to learn. Discover how to ask questions. And ask questions, constantly, along the learning process.

4. How to think critically

“The essence of the independent mind lies not in what it thinks, but in how it thinks.” ― Christopher Hitchens

With everything that you observe, hear, and experience, think critically. Why? While it is simpler and far less straining to be led around by the nose whether by society, family, friends or an institution, it is also supremely dangerous. View this post to discover simple ways to ensure you are indeed thinking for yourself without being unconsciously manipulated.

5. How to be grateful

The benefits of exercising gratitude in your everyday life not only improves your peace of mind, but it also can improve your job prospects and income, and thus the quality of your overall life. In a recent study daily gratitude was shown to enhance alertness, enthusiasm, determination, attentiveness and energy. All qualities that employers appreciate and look for in their employees and employees they want to promote.

6. How to master your mind

The foundation of a quality life is the mastery of the mind, as it is the mind that believes whether or not you can make changes in your life. As well, It is the mind that has to accept there is a positive worth pursuing. Read this post to learn how to master your mind.

7. Being present

Mindfulness is a skill that requires us to first master our mind, as discussed in #6, and in doing so, we are then able to be fully present in the moment at which we find ourselves at any given time. Meditation has been proven to condition the mind to be more mindful, but there are many other ways as well. The gifts of being mindful are plentiful, but it ultimately reveals to us the life we are truly living, to see the good, to see the truth, and if we’re not content with what we see, to be ever more motivated to do what needs to be done to make the necessary changes we have control over.

8. Spending less than you earn

A healthy habit that will always earn dividends literally and figurative with regards to the peace of mind it brings is spending less than we bring home. This is not to say investing is something to stray from, absolutely not, but the habit of consciously remaining within and under one’s budget will certainly serve you well.

9. Letting go 

Of what we have no control over, we must practice letting go and finding peace with outcomes that may not be what we desire, but none-the-less are the reality. The sooner we practice letting go with grace, the sooner we welcome peace into our lives and recognize we would be much better served if we focused on what we can control.

10. Being vulnerable and setting boundaries

Knowing how to set boundaries as well as when is something that takes practice. For some it will be easier than others, but even in knowing how to set boundaries this entails we also know how and when to be vulnerable. The process is a ying and yang most definitely, but both are needed in order to attain and maintain healthy relationships.

11. Taking chances

“Take chances, make mistakes. That’s how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.” -Mary Tyler Moore

I chose to end the list of skills to practice with taking chances because initially it is scary. And sadly, while some will take a chance, and on their first attempt not reap what they had hoped, they will refrain from ever taking a chance again, certain that it will never be worth it. I can reassuringly say, such a fear is unfounded. For as Mary Tyler Moore attests, it is through mistakes, it is through pain, that we realize we are tougher and mightier and more amazing than we realized and that builds our confidence. And confidence is what is needed to keep taking chances. Chances that if we keep attempting will garner most wonderful outcomes and experiences.

So take chances now and often. I promise you life will continue to amaze.

Practicing anything may not sound like much fun. After all, it is usually done on our own or unbeknownst to others which is why we must understand why we are practicing what we choose to focus on. All of the 11 items in today’s list, no matter what life we are trying to cultivate, will increase the overall quality experience of the life you choose to lead.

Enjoy the journey and put forth the time because in the end the life you create is far more in your hands to mold than anyone else’s.

Love Them, Don’t Hide Them

In denim or wool, silk or cotton, pants or skirts, a shift or a sheath, loving our legs is a fun fashion tool to work with. Whether you have model long legs or short but powerful legs, the options are endless for styling. Add a slit or simply suggest your shape? Tapered at the ankles or loose and wide? Endless options abound. Be inspired with a wide variety of options in today’s Style Inspiration.

 

~View more Style Inspiration posts here.

8 Things to Accomplish Before Stepping Into a Relationship

~The Simple Sophisticate, episode #133

Maybe you’ve had a few or many past failed relationships. Perhaps you are currently single or married or in a relationship at the moment, but maybe it just doesn’t feel as though you know how to make it stronger, healthier, but there is some part of you that knows it is possible. Even if you aren’t in a relationship, you understand that it is a healthy relationship you seek because at the moment, life is grand on your own and far better than being in a dysfunctional partnership.

As you reflect on the past, remember this: You gave love, you were hopeful, you did your best with what you knew at the time. Let go. And forgive yourself.

“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.”

As I look back on my own past that contains a handful of relationships, all of which were unique and different, and began and ended for different reasons, I know I am a different person now, I know that I have learned much more to be a far better partner, but also to be a far better, and more content individual whether I am in a relationship or not. I know now, but I didn’t then because I didn’t know either what I needed or where to find the knowledge I sought. I either had models that were dysfunctional and I didn’t recognize it or I didn’t have a deeper understanding of what I was modeling my life after. Most importantly, I was still growing and discovering myself, and thankfully, that journey has never ceased.

Why am I thankful that the journey has continued? Because it has finally lead me to resources, valuable and worthwhile resources to understand what I was lacking when it came to being someone who was indeed ready to be in a healthy relationship. And this is what I have discovered.

1. Explore what interests you

In episode #131, the philosopher Bertrand Russell’s approach to happiness was discussed in detail and at the top of the list of 38 ways to attain happiness was the idea of exploring what interests you. The key is sincerity of interest and the other component is to have more than just a few interests. For if one falls through or wanes, you have other interests which can fill the gaps and ease the loss in your daily routine of doing what you love and enjoy.

To put all of our time and interest into one basket of interest is to put a tremendous amount of pressure on that focus in our lives. Often that focus is a relationship, and while tending to and investing in a relationship that brings us much joy is a worthwhile interest, it shouldn’t be the only interest we have. Pursue your love of the French language, pursue your love of cooking, your itch to travel, working in the yard, caring for a pet, time in your art studio, anything that you are naturally drawn to and build a wealthy life of interests that fill your schedule without weighing you down.

2. Investigate and explore your barriers to healthy relationships

“The good news is that every morning we have the choice; not to be controlled by circumstances nor our past but by purposely designing our day, hence our lives better. Not to react to life but to respond with love.” ― Bernard Kelvin Clive

The work behind the scenes that nobody sees, the internal work, is the work that will reap awesome, lasting benefits enabling you to see and experience lasting growth from which you can continue to build on to build the strong and healthy relationships you want but perhaps didn’t know how to attain because you kept getting in your own way unconsciously due to either buried fears, insecurities, a past history that played a negative thought track that prevented you from seeing the amazing possibilities you were presented with.

Investing in ourselves by scheduling time with a counselor or an expert in the field in which we know we need to grow is an investment in a quality way of life that will not only equip you to attain true contentment but you will be demonstrating that to the world around you and providing an environment and a model of how to live well.

3. Learn how to communicate effectively

Some of us as children were able to observe healthy and effective communication habits. The most powerful communication that is often hard to see modeled is when two individuals disagree. How do they express how they are feeling, feel respected without attacking and move forward? If we haven’t seen this modeled in our own lives, it is up to each of us to learn, and thankfully, the information on this topic is abundant.

Ultimately, in order to communicate well, we must know what we want to say and why we want to say it. And in order to understand the “why”, which is actually a difficult truth to unearth, we must get to know ourselves. It sounds odd perhaps, but we need to understand why we are angry in particular moments; we need to understand why we are fearful; why we get defensive; why we get jealous, and look within ourselves to understand our unconscious reactions before we speak and do damage unnecessarily.

On the flip-side, we must not cower into ourselves and become passive. There will never be a healthy relationship that involves a passive individual if the relationship wants to grow stronger. We must communicate without attacking, express how we feel, be able to objectively observe our emotions, and listen with intent to learn and understand more deeply. Click here for a more in-depth post on each of these and more tips to effective communication.

4. Cultivate a healthy, strong social life

Our social worlds are often tied to our interests as well as our work, and as discussed in episode #36, while they take time to build, the gift is you feel free to be yourself and thus your social life becomes a place of enjoyment, pleasure, respite and an integral  piece to your contented life. With a clear list of people to let go of (of which there on nine) and six people to welcome into your life, the episode reveals that it is who is in your life that will help alleviate your stress and you theirs as well as allowing them and you to be truly free to be yourself that will enhance all arenas of your life.

5. Actively pursue your dreams

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

Let go of the have-tos and must-dos of the lives we see modeled around us whether by family members, the media or community and/or national institutions and instead dive into your dream. Perhaps your dream requires you to work on the weekends or each night after work a few hours. Maybe your dream prevents you from celebrating when Friday evening arrives, but enables you to come alive when you immerse yourself in the pursuit. Trust your dreams, not the fears that are thrown at you by the outside world that you are not doing what you should be doing.

People are intrigued and appreciative of those who have the courage to tap into something and pursue it doggedly. Not everyone will understand, but those who respect it and admire it will be people with whom you will connect with. And you, in pursuing your dreams will find a contentment that at first will be hard to describe to anyone who is simply following a path that everyone else is one, but then you will learn it is the only way to be truly alive and authentically you.

6. Cultivate self-compassion

When we look within ourselves for compassion, we give ourselves permission to be imperfect. We begin to recognize that we must first be kind to ourselves in order for others to know that is how we deserve to be treated. Yes, some will be kind anyway, as it is their way, and a very good way indeed, but for those who may attempt to push our boundaries, we recognize the attempt and can keep them out of our lives unable to do harm.

Often we are the harshest critics in our lives, as discussed in episode #122, but the belief that doing so is the best path to success is false. In fact, it is quite detrimental. Rather, being self-compassionate reveals a higher emotional intelligence as we are able to have a broad perspective on our circumstances and move on rather than get bogged down in self-criticism.

And when we are the cheerleaders of our own lives, when we are not the bully in our own heads, we look less to the outside world to build us up and are able to build healthier relationships as we can take care of our own emotional needs.

7. Become comfortable with validating yourself

If we do not first validate ourselves, approve of the life and the decisions we make within our lives, we will be constantly running around seeking approval from others, dependent upon it, desperate for acceptance, and we will only be harming ourselves, never able to find true contentment. As shared in a post in 2011, “You can succeed if nobody else believes it, but you will never succeed if you don’t believe in yourself.”  But why do many of us fall into the trap of first asking if we should do something and instead simply trusting what we know will fulfill us, what we know will bring pure joy, what we know will make us happy? We want to bond with others, we want love, we want to feel love. This is human. But what it does is bonds us with people who we may not want to bond with.

Wouldn’t you rather bond with someone who was fascinated with your decision after the fact? After you had made the big decision to pursue that dream which may have appeared ridiculous to some, but made complete sense to you? Wouldn’t you want an authentic connection?

Yes, it is scary to refrain from seeking validation from others, especially from our parents, peers and those we may have been (or currently are) in relationships with, but when we forget about the power of our own self-approval, we limit the quality of life we could be living.

8. Build a life you love living on your own

“Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough.” ― Emily Dickinson

Cultivating a simply luxurious life centers around the premise of building something that is congruent with your authentic and most true self, letting go of building the life you think you should and upon incorporating the former rather than the latter approach, the quality way of living you seek will materialize.

A funny thing happened over the weekend. As I mentioned in a previous This & That post, I have been contemplating picking out a significantly smaller tree for my house this holiday season. Well, I in fact did just that, and as I look around my smaller house (nearly 1000 sq feet smaller than what I had lived in previously) after having decorated the tree, having added a few decorations to the tabletops (I found mistletoe!) and having hung the stockings for the boys (my dogs – Norman and Oscar) and myself, I still had energy and more money than previous seasons in my checking account for holiday expenditures.

When we begin to truly listen to what works for us, rather than gravitate toward what we’ve done, what has been done, what we’ve seen, what we know, we begin to curate a life that is in alignment with our values. We begin to curate a life that enables us to live and pursuit what we love and thus become enlivened from within. We are the gardeners of a rich and more fulfilling life, if only we will listen to ourselves.

When it comes to relationships, we will undoubtedly be involved in many different types, all having the gift of teaching us something about ourselves and the world. But when it comes to lasting relationships, relationships that will endure, however, keeping in mind that nothing is infinite, we multiply the happiness quotient for not only ourselves no matter what we may be doing but also for those we love.

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~The Myth Hindering an Amazing Love Life 

~Make Your Own Life Rules: How & Why

~What Does a Simply Luxurious Life Look and Feel Like?

~A Powerful Couple: Boundaries & Vulnerability

~Romantic Love: What It Is & How to Maintain It

Petit Plaisir:
~Under the Tuscan Sun: 20th Anniversary Edition by Frances Mayes, (paperback copy) (e-book edition)

~Visit Frances Mayes blog and website here.

~tour the house that was seen in the movie (which was remodeled in 2006) here. Frances Mayes house was not the set for the movie.

This & That: December 2, 2016

Book
—Earning It: Hard-Won Lessons from Trailblazing Women at the Top of the Business World by Joann S. Lublin

Pulitzer-Prize winning journalist of The Wall Street Journal, Joanna S. Lublin shares the journeys and successes of more than 50 executive women. Discover inspiration from their lessons and insights and learn how a rewarding professional life can materialize along with a fulfilling personal life. Yes, it is possible.

—The Power of the Other: The startling effect other people have on you, from the boardroom to the bedroom and beyond-and what to do about it by Dr. Henry Cloud

Released this past spring, The Power of the Other is a compelling book full of neuroscience findings and the psychology of leadership that reveals just how integral the right connections with our colleagues, boss, partner and friends will determine our success in both our professional and personal lives. I certainly am intrigued and look forward to understanding the unconscious influences that surround us all each and every day.

Cookbook

—A Recipe for Cooking by Cal Peternell

As a follow-up to his best-selling cookbook Twelve Recipes, chef Cal Peternell steps it up a notch with seasonally organized recipes for holiday gatherings, dinners for two, family get-togethers and occasions which bring together more than just a few people. Discover how to throughly love cooking and how to celebrate with the food you made to share with those you love.

Film (French)
—Things to Come (L’avenir)

Being released in the states today, the French film Things to Come introduces viewers to a passionate philosophy professor of a certain age who begins to re-examine her life after an unforeseen divorce rattles her way of life. With English subtitles, discover a thoughtful film on life, love and time. Have a look at the trailer below.

http://amzn.to/2gM9Xl9

Music
—Joanne by Lady Gaga

In Lady Gaga’s fifth album released in late October, critics are describing her new music as striped down soft-rock and dance-pop. Titled to pay homage to her aunt Joanne who died at the age of 19 due to complications with lupus, after whom Lady Gaga’s middle name is given, the album is certainly different from previous releases and worth listening to.

Travel
—Paravel passport holder

Travelers, we need a quality passport holder, and Paravel offers exactly that. Fully lined in Italian leather and covered with nylon and canvas that is water and stain-resistance, choose your color of choice and rest-assured your passport is safe and sound as well as looking great.

 

~recipe for Blackberry Pear Upside Down Cake~

A weekend for coffee time, downtime and much trim the tree time. Yep, the holidays are here, and this is the weekend I’ll be heading out looking for a tree, making sure the Charlie Brown Christmas tunes are playing and hot chocolate will be indulged in without apology. As was shared on this week’s Why Not . . . ? post, it is the holiday rituals that enliven this time of year, and no matter how simple or extravagant create moments to look forward to and savor.

I do hope you have a wonderful weekend, and thank you for stopping by. Below are a few articles you might enjoy and until Monday bonne journée!

~Let’s talk money: How much is enough?

~10 Mantras That Will Change Your Story and Your Life . . . beautiful reminders that we are all on our own journey and have our own timing.

~Add more quality to your everyday life by learning these 4 Ways to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence.

~Mark these destinations to visit while traveling in Paris: The Ultimate Sweets Tour of Paris

~Don’t have time to take a French class? Read 8 Ways to Learn a Language without a Teacher

~Speaking of learning a new language . . . 7 Reasons to Learn a  Foreign Language