Isabel Jordan's Blog, page 3
February 6, 2016
Are you a super-fan of The Walking Dead?
You might be a super fan of The Walking Dead if you identify with more than 3 of these statements:
1. You know more about the show’s shooting schedule/when episodes are scheduled to run than the cast and crew
2. You can no longer watch pirate movies because anyone in an eye patch irrationally pisses you off
3. You find yourself hoarding out-of-date antibiotics and canned goods. You know, just so that you’ll have them in case the zombie apocalypse hits
4. You think Rick has gotten inexplicably hotter with each passing season
5. You sink into a mini depression when a season ends
6. You find yourself wondering how characters from other shows would interact with your favorites on The Walking Dead (Seriously, Boyd Crowder from Justified would’ve totally kicked the Governor’s ass)
7. You think shows in which characters don’t stab suspicious newcomers in the head are too girly for you
8. You have fantasized about Father Gabriel dying a bloody, slow, horrible death
9. You firmly believe that people either love The Walking Dead, or THEY ARE WRONG
10. You watched a rom-com you would’ve ordinarily avoided like, well, a flesh-eating zombie, just because Andrew Lincoln appeared in it for a few lousy minutes
1. You know more about the show’s shooting schedule/when episodes are scheduled to run than the cast and crew
2. You can no longer watch pirate movies because anyone in an eye patch irrationally pisses you off
3. You find yourself hoarding out-of-date antibiotics and canned goods. You know, just so that you’ll have them in case the zombie apocalypse hits
4. You think Rick has gotten inexplicably hotter with each passing season
5. You sink into a mini depression when a season ends
6. You find yourself wondering how characters from other shows would interact with your favorites on The Walking Dead (Seriously, Boyd Crowder from Justified would’ve totally kicked the Governor’s ass)
7. You think shows in which characters don’t stab suspicious newcomers in the head are too girly for you
8. You have fantasized about Father Gabriel dying a bloody, slow, horrible death
9. You firmly believe that people either love The Walking Dead, or THEY ARE WRONG
10. You watched a rom-com you would’ve ordinarily avoided like, well, a flesh-eating zombie, just because Andrew Lincoln appeared in it for a few lousy minutes
Top 10 Things You'll Learn After Self-Publishing
1. 80% of traffic on your website will be ads for web designers, PR companies, and people looking to unload a Russian bride on you.
2. 20% of traffic on your website will be readers who say things so nice you’ll get tears in your eyes while reading their messages.
3. Not everyone will think you’re a genius and the best thing ever to happen to the world of lit-ra-chure. Sad but true. Some people will think you suck and won’t have any problem telling you so.
4. Figuring out exactly how the Amazon algorithm works is impossible, unless you are a Mensa member who also happens to be a NASA scientist with a computer sciences degree from Caltech
5. You know that reading your negative reviews is a bad idea, but you’ll still do it. I dare you to try and NOT do it.
6. Your Amazon sales rank will rise and fall with little to no visible pattern. No one knows for sure why. Don’t overanalyze it. It just happens.
7. You can’t continue to be antisocial, living on Doritos and Diet Coke in your writing cave. You will need to get on social media and participate in life (real life…not the life going on in the pages of your books)
8. You’ll have to keep writing, even though you’ll want to spend your time excessively checking your social media/sales/sales rank.
9. Some people will avoid your book because it’s self-published. Some people will read your book without giving any thought to who published it. Some people will tell you your book is “good for a self-published work.” Don’t worry about any of it. Just keep writing.
10. Asshat is one word, not two. (OK, maybe I’m the only one who learned that…editing and proofreading are beautiful things)
All you other self-pubbed folks out there, let me know if I missed anything!
2. 20% of traffic on your website will be readers who say things so nice you’ll get tears in your eyes while reading their messages.
3. Not everyone will think you’re a genius and the best thing ever to happen to the world of lit-ra-chure. Sad but true. Some people will think you suck and won’t have any problem telling you so.
4. Figuring out exactly how the Amazon algorithm works is impossible, unless you are a Mensa member who also happens to be a NASA scientist with a computer sciences degree from Caltech
5. You know that reading your negative reviews is a bad idea, but you’ll still do it. I dare you to try and NOT do it.
6. Your Amazon sales rank will rise and fall with little to no visible pattern. No one knows for sure why. Don’t overanalyze it. It just happens.
7. You can’t continue to be antisocial, living on Doritos and Diet Coke in your writing cave. You will need to get on social media and participate in life (real life…not the life going on in the pages of your books)
8. You’ll have to keep writing, even though you’ll want to spend your time excessively checking your social media/sales/sales rank.
9. Some people will avoid your book because it’s self-published. Some people will read your book without giving any thought to who published it. Some people will tell you your book is “good for a self-published work.” Don’t worry about any of it. Just keep writing.
10. Asshat is one word, not two. (OK, maybe I’m the only one who learned that…editing and proofreading are beautiful things)
All you other self-pubbed folks out there, let me know if I missed anything!
January 2, 2016
Thank you, Canada!!
Just had to say a quick thanks to all of my new Canadian friends who have made my debut novel Semi-Charmed
a #1 bestseller in Canada! Don't mind me, I'm just doing the dance of joy over here...
At the risk of sounding totally lame, thanks for making my dreams come true!
a #1 bestseller in Canada! Don't mind me, I'm just doing the dance of joy over here...At the risk of sounding totally lame, thanks for making my dreams come true!
October 10, 2015
Semi-Charmed Sequel Done!
Believe it or not, the sequel to Semi-Charmed is actually DONE! No, seriously. I can prove it. I have a pre-order link and everything!
http://www.amazon.com/Semi-Human-Harp...
http://www.amazon.com/Semi-Human-Harp...
June 12, 2015
You might be a Game of Thrones (the HBO series) super fan if...
You might be a Game of Thrones (the HBO series) super fan if you agree with at least 9 of these statements:
1. You plot Ramsey Bolton’s death in your free time, imaging the various slow, painful, graphic ways in which he will die (because it will be soon…it’s just gotta be…)
2. You’re seriously considering moving south. You know, in case winter really is coming sometime soon. And who wants to be around when White Walkers start moving through the north?
3. You make the people who report to you at work call you “Meesa”
4. You want George RR Martin to be declared a national treasure, and think he deserves his own Secret Service detail (can’t have anything happen to him before he finishes the series, right?)
5. You spent hours after the Red Wedding episode curled up in the fetal position, chewing your hair while you tried to process WTF just happened to half the cast
6. You giggled like a school girl for days after Joffrey died
7. You have plans drawn up, along with a timeline, for building your own Iron Throne (an extra 2 points if you have plans for building your own Iron Throne toilet)
8. You’ve done Google searches to see if Dire wolves are real and available for sale anywhere
9. You regularly try to work phrases like, “You know nothing, Jon Snow” and “A Lannister always pays his debts” and “All men must die” into casual conversation
10. You plan to name your daughter Daenerys and your son Tyrion
11. The theme music is stuck in your head for at least the first half of the week (and you love every minute of it)
12. You’ve searched for a Rosetta Stone to help you learn to speak Dothraki
13. You will argue to the death with anyone who dares say, “Meh, I don’t really like that show. I just doesn’t understand why it’s so popular” (an extra 2 points if you’ve ever smacked someone who’s said this)
14. You took notes while watching season 1 to help you keep everyone’s names straight (an extra point if you watch with the closed captioning on to this day for the same reason)
15. You’ve threatened to kill, maim, or otherwise harm a loved one for disturbing you while you’re trying to watch
16. You plan to search for or start a support group to help get you through the rest of the year after the show ends for the season
17. You would’ve happily watched a buddy flick or spin-off series featuring the wacky road trip shenanigans of Brienne and Jaime and/or Arya and The Hound
18. You firmly believe that everyone either loves Game of Thrones, or is WRONG
And finally:
19. Dragons? Hell, yeah. Dracarys!!!
1. You plot Ramsey Bolton’s death in your free time, imaging the various slow, painful, graphic ways in which he will die (because it will be soon…it’s just gotta be…)
2. You’re seriously considering moving south. You know, in case winter really is coming sometime soon. And who wants to be around when White Walkers start moving through the north?
3. You make the people who report to you at work call you “Meesa”
4. You want George RR Martin to be declared a national treasure, and think he deserves his own Secret Service detail (can’t have anything happen to him before he finishes the series, right?)
5. You spent hours after the Red Wedding episode curled up in the fetal position, chewing your hair while you tried to process WTF just happened to half the cast
6. You giggled like a school girl for days after Joffrey died
7. You have plans drawn up, along with a timeline, for building your own Iron Throne (an extra 2 points if you have plans for building your own Iron Throne toilet)
8. You’ve done Google searches to see if Dire wolves are real and available for sale anywhere
9. You regularly try to work phrases like, “You know nothing, Jon Snow” and “A Lannister always pays his debts” and “All men must die” into casual conversation
10. You plan to name your daughter Daenerys and your son Tyrion
11. The theme music is stuck in your head for at least the first half of the week (and you love every minute of it)
12. You’ve searched for a Rosetta Stone to help you learn to speak Dothraki
13. You will argue to the death with anyone who dares say, “Meh, I don’t really like that show. I just doesn’t understand why it’s so popular” (an extra 2 points if you’ve ever smacked someone who’s said this)
14. You took notes while watching season 1 to help you keep everyone’s names straight (an extra point if you watch with the closed captioning on to this day for the same reason)
15. You’ve threatened to kill, maim, or otherwise harm a loved one for disturbing you while you’re trying to watch
16. You plan to search for or start a support group to help get you through the rest of the year after the show ends for the season
17. You would’ve happily watched a buddy flick or spin-off series featuring the wacky road trip shenanigans of Brienne and Jaime and/or Arya and The Hound
18. You firmly believe that everyone either loves Game of Thrones, or is WRONG
And finally:
19. Dragons? Hell, yeah. Dracarys!!!
May 25, 2015
Job opening: "Moms" needed immediately!
Position: “Mom” (alternate titles include: “Momma”, “Mommy”, and “Mother”)
Work hours: 24/7
Term: The rest of your life
Pay: The knowledge that you’re helping shape the life of a tiny human
Bonus potential: Occasional hugs and kisses
Sick days/paid time off: Not applicable to the “Mom” position
Opportunities for advancement: None. The organization is completely lateral.
Responsibilities:
A “Mom” must possess:
Knowledge of where everything is
Willingness to clean up various messes, including biohazard
Honest answers to all manner of uncomfortable and/or embarrassing questions
Proven ability to scare away the boogie man and/or other creatures commonly found in nightmares
Own car for 24/7 shuttle service
Event planning expertise for clients of all ages
Ability to feign interest in video games
Ability to defend your charge, to the death, against all threats (includes both real and perceived threats)
Zero expectations of personal space
Advanced negotiation skills, as well as short order cook and janitorial experience a plus.
If you’re interested in the position…well, then you are my kind of crazy! Share with others, because recruitment for this position can be challenging…
Work hours: 24/7
Term: The rest of your life
Pay: The knowledge that you’re helping shape the life of a tiny human
Bonus potential: Occasional hugs and kisses
Sick days/paid time off: Not applicable to the “Mom” position
Opportunities for advancement: None. The organization is completely lateral.
Responsibilities:
A “Mom” must possess:
Knowledge of where everything is
Willingness to clean up various messes, including biohazard
Honest answers to all manner of uncomfortable and/or embarrassing questions
Proven ability to scare away the boogie man and/or other creatures commonly found in nightmares
Own car for 24/7 shuttle service
Event planning expertise for clients of all ages
Ability to feign interest in video games
Ability to defend your charge, to the death, against all threats (includes both real and perceived threats)
Zero expectations of personal space
Advanced negotiation skills, as well as short order cook and janitorial experience a plus.
If you’re interested in the position…well, then you are my kind of crazy! Share with others, because recruitment for this position can be challenging…
April 19, 2015
How to sell more copies of your self-published romance
Short answer to this question? Write a great book that people want to read. (Duh, right?) Long answer? Well…it’s substantially more complicated than that. In fact, there are so many variables that might be effecting your sales that your head will hurt if you contemplate it for too long. But if you’re looking to sell more copies of your romance novel, here’s some factors you might want to consider:
How’s your cover?
We all know that you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover. But the sad fact is that we all do it to varying degrees. We’re human. We can’t help ourselves. We like pretty things. We want to buy books with pretty covers. With this in mind, consider having a professional design or redesign your cover. Now, I know some of your sphincter’s just tightened up at the thought of shelling out money to a professional designer. Sounds expensive, right? You might be surprised. There are so many freelance e-book cover designers out there now that you can pay as much or as little as you’d like for a professional cover. In fact, many designers offer beautiful pre-made covers for bargain-basement prices. Do a little research. You’ll be surprised by what you find. And if your sphincter is still tight, think of it this way: you probably spent a full year or more writing and polishing your novel. Doesn’t it deserve something pretty to wear?
How’s your editing and formatting?
I’ll make the same argument for professional editing and formatting services that I made for professional cover designers: you spent a really long time writing your novel. Doesn’t it deserve the best editing and formatting?
Here’s a sad fact: as a writer, you’re more likely to read over grammar and spelling mistakes in your work than a fresh reader would. Reason? Your brain knows what you meant to say and will automatically correct what it sees on the page without bothering to make you aware of the error. Our brains are thoughtful that way. But that leaves us open to embarrassing errors that—trust me—readers who’ve paid for your work will notice. And believe me, the grammar Nazis on Amazon and Goodreads will avoid buying your book if it’s received multiple “needs editing” reviews. Same goes for formatting errors.
Editors can be hired on a freelance basis for anywhere from $1 per page, to $0.01 per word, and formatting services can be found for as little as $40 for a full-length novel. I don’t know about you, but for me, the benefits outweigh the costs of these services. And the beauty of e-books is that even after an initial publishing, you can always fix errors or upload re-formatted versions so that problems don’t plague you for the rest of your book’s life.
Pricing strategy
One of the benefits of being a self-pubbed author versus a traditionally published author is that you can actually have a pricing strategy. Traditional publishing houses set their own prices, giving authors no real say in the matter. But self-pubbed authors? We can do whatever we want. But before you laugh maniacally and set your price at $29.99, I would recommend taking the market into consideration. Because much like the real estate market, books are only worth what people are willing to pay for them. (Did your sphincter tighten up again? Sorry about that)
Opinions on pricing are all over the place. Some experts argue that if you price your book at $0.99, people will assume its crap and not buy it. Conversely, other experts argue that if you are a self-pubbed or newbie author with no track record and set your price at $4.99-$9.99, no one will be willing to shell out that kind of money for your work. Who’s right?
For me, since Semi-Charmed was my debut novel and I had no built-in credibility/history with readers, I kept my prices low. I’ve experimented within the $0.99 – $3.99 range, and I’ll be honest: I’ve had more success at the lower end of my pricing strategy. My theory on this is that romance readers are a particularly voracious group. They often read 5 or more books a week. And the genre is HUGE with shitloads of material to choose from. And for people who read that much and have that many options, if they didn’t spend some time looking for cheap reads, they’d probably be broke before too long—or at least living on Ramen noodles, having spent their grocery money on books.
But at the end of the day, no one really knows what the best pricing strategy is for a self-pubbed or newbie author. I recommend some experimentation. Try some different prices on for size and see which one(s) move copies.
Reviews
Reviews absolutely make a difference when readers are deciding whether or not they should give a new author a shot. And while I do not believe in paying for reviews, it is perfectly acceptable to ask nicely for them. I recommend taking a look at other books in your genre that are similar to yours (i.e.: books that you consider to be your biggest “competition”) and see which bloggers have reviewed them. If your competition has been reviewed by a blogger you respect, consider sending him/her a polite query with an offer of an ARC in exchange for an honest review. (And note I said HONEST review. It’s never OK to ask a blogger for a POSITIVE review. It’s possible that you’ll ask for a review and get a negative one. That’s OK. See my blog post from December 2014 about handling negative reviews for more info)(http://www.izzyjo.com/2014/12/).
The point is that reviews let readers know what to expect from your book, and in most cases, let them feel secure in their buying decision.
Key words
Your book’s visibility on sites such as Amazon is largely dependent on the key words and categories you choose to associate with it at the time of publishing. I won’t pretend to be an expert on this because frankly, it’s given me headaches trying to figure it all out, but here it is in its simplest form: if you use “zombie mermen” as one of your key words and no one is looking for books about zombie mermen, your book probably won’t hit the bestsellers’ lists anytime soon (although, I would TOTALLY read a zombie mermen book). You want your chosen key words to be part of the most popular searches. Resources I found particularly helpful in regards to key word searches are:
How to Sell Romance Novels on Kindle by Michael Alvear (http://www.amazon.com/Romance-Kindle-...)
Sell More Books on Amazon by Penny Sansevieri (http://thefutureofink.com/sell-more-b...)
Social media
I know, I know. As a die-hard introvert and antisocial person at heart, this one hurts me as much as it hurts you. But the truth is, readers want to connect with their favorite authors, and authors need to welcome and encourage this. Consider keeping a blog on your website (yes, you’ll need one of those, too). Become a Goodreads author and join groups with readers who share similar interests. And don’t just spam everyone with promos and reasons why they should buy your book. Actually talk to readers. Find out what they like and hate. Trust me, you’ll be surprised by what they have to say, and you might even learn a thing or two from them about writing and marketing your next book.
Kindle Unlimited
Here’s another controversial topic. To join or shun Kindle Unlimited…that is the question. I’ve done both. I started out on Kindle Unlimited in August 2014 and didn’t see a ton of immediate positive results. So, at the end of my 90-day term, I left the program and put Semi-Charmed on Kobo, Nook, and Smashwords, in addition to Amazon. And in the months that followed, I realized that I was selling more on Amazon in 1 day than I was selling in weeks on all of the other platforms combined.
Now, that’s not to say that another book wouldn’t do very well on the other platforms. And maybe I just did a piss-poor job of marketing to Kobo, Nook, and Smashwords readers. But whatever the reason, I couldn’t argue with the sales numbers, so I recently decided to go back on Kindle Unlimited. As a result, my sales and downloads have increased exponentially.
At the end of my current 90-day term, I will most likely give the other platforms another try (because I hate the idea of alienating even a few potential readers)—but for now, I’m happy where I am.
Consider your publishing goals. Are you solely looking to make money? If that’s the case, maybe Kindle Unlimited isn’t for you. But if you’re looking to get your book into as many hands as possible to build a name and a career for yourself? (not to mention built-in readers for your next book) Kindle Unlimited is definitely worth a try.
But what about all of you other self-published authors out there? Any suggestions or advice you’d like to share with the group? Now’s your chance to speak up! Let me know what you think.
How’s your cover?
We all know that you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover. But the sad fact is that we all do it to varying degrees. We’re human. We can’t help ourselves. We like pretty things. We want to buy books with pretty covers. With this in mind, consider having a professional design or redesign your cover. Now, I know some of your sphincter’s just tightened up at the thought of shelling out money to a professional designer. Sounds expensive, right? You might be surprised. There are so many freelance e-book cover designers out there now that you can pay as much or as little as you’d like for a professional cover. In fact, many designers offer beautiful pre-made covers for bargain-basement prices. Do a little research. You’ll be surprised by what you find. And if your sphincter is still tight, think of it this way: you probably spent a full year or more writing and polishing your novel. Doesn’t it deserve something pretty to wear?
How’s your editing and formatting?
I’ll make the same argument for professional editing and formatting services that I made for professional cover designers: you spent a really long time writing your novel. Doesn’t it deserve the best editing and formatting?
Here’s a sad fact: as a writer, you’re more likely to read over grammar and spelling mistakes in your work than a fresh reader would. Reason? Your brain knows what you meant to say and will automatically correct what it sees on the page without bothering to make you aware of the error. Our brains are thoughtful that way. But that leaves us open to embarrassing errors that—trust me—readers who’ve paid for your work will notice. And believe me, the grammar Nazis on Amazon and Goodreads will avoid buying your book if it’s received multiple “needs editing” reviews. Same goes for formatting errors.
Editors can be hired on a freelance basis for anywhere from $1 per page, to $0.01 per word, and formatting services can be found for as little as $40 for a full-length novel. I don’t know about you, but for me, the benefits outweigh the costs of these services. And the beauty of e-books is that even after an initial publishing, you can always fix errors or upload re-formatted versions so that problems don’t plague you for the rest of your book’s life.
Pricing strategy
One of the benefits of being a self-pubbed author versus a traditionally published author is that you can actually have a pricing strategy. Traditional publishing houses set their own prices, giving authors no real say in the matter. But self-pubbed authors? We can do whatever we want. But before you laugh maniacally and set your price at $29.99, I would recommend taking the market into consideration. Because much like the real estate market, books are only worth what people are willing to pay for them. (Did your sphincter tighten up again? Sorry about that)
Opinions on pricing are all over the place. Some experts argue that if you price your book at $0.99, people will assume its crap and not buy it. Conversely, other experts argue that if you are a self-pubbed or newbie author with no track record and set your price at $4.99-$9.99, no one will be willing to shell out that kind of money for your work. Who’s right?
For me, since Semi-Charmed was my debut novel and I had no built-in credibility/history with readers, I kept my prices low. I’ve experimented within the $0.99 – $3.99 range, and I’ll be honest: I’ve had more success at the lower end of my pricing strategy. My theory on this is that romance readers are a particularly voracious group. They often read 5 or more books a week. And the genre is HUGE with shitloads of material to choose from. And for people who read that much and have that many options, if they didn’t spend some time looking for cheap reads, they’d probably be broke before too long—or at least living on Ramen noodles, having spent their grocery money on books.
But at the end of the day, no one really knows what the best pricing strategy is for a self-pubbed or newbie author. I recommend some experimentation. Try some different prices on for size and see which one(s) move copies.
Reviews
Reviews absolutely make a difference when readers are deciding whether or not they should give a new author a shot. And while I do not believe in paying for reviews, it is perfectly acceptable to ask nicely for them. I recommend taking a look at other books in your genre that are similar to yours (i.e.: books that you consider to be your biggest “competition”) and see which bloggers have reviewed them. If your competition has been reviewed by a blogger you respect, consider sending him/her a polite query with an offer of an ARC in exchange for an honest review. (And note I said HONEST review. It’s never OK to ask a blogger for a POSITIVE review. It’s possible that you’ll ask for a review and get a negative one. That’s OK. See my blog post from December 2014 about handling negative reviews for more info)(http://www.izzyjo.com/2014/12/).
The point is that reviews let readers know what to expect from your book, and in most cases, let them feel secure in their buying decision.
Key words
Your book’s visibility on sites such as Amazon is largely dependent on the key words and categories you choose to associate with it at the time of publishing. I won’t pretend to be an expert on this because frankly, it’s given me headaches trying to figure it all out, but here it is in its simplest form: if you use “zombie mermen” as one of your key words and no one is looking for books about zombie mermen, your book probably won’t hit the bestsellers’ lists anytime soon (although, I would TOTALLY read a zombie mermen book). You want your chosen key words to be part of the most popular searches. Resources I found particularly helpful in regards to key word searches are:
How to Sell Romance Novels on Kindle by Michael Alvear (http://www.amazon.com/Romance-Kindle-...)
Sell More Books on Amazon by Penny Sansevieri (http://thefutureofink.com/sell-more-b...)
Social media
I know, I know. As a die-hard introvert and antisocial person at heart, this one hurts me as much as it hurts you. But the truth is, readers want to connect with their favorite authors, and authors need to welcome and encourage this. Consider keeping a blog on your website (yes, you’ll need one of those, too). Become a Goodreads author and join groups with readers who share similar interests. And don’t just spam everyone with promos and reasons why they should buy your book. Actually talk to readers. Find out what they like and hate. Trust me, you’ll be surprised by what they have to say, and you might even learn a thing or two from them about writing and marketing your next book.
Kindle Unlimited
Here’s another controversial topic. To join or shun Kindle Unlimited…that is the question. I’ve done both. I started out on Kindle Unlimited in August 2014 and didn’t see a ton of immediate positive results. So, at the end of my 90-day term, I left the program and put Semi-Charmed on Kobo, Nook, and Smashwords, in addition to Amazon. And in the months that followed, I realized that I was selling more on Amazon in 1 day than I was selling in weeks on all of the other platforms combined.
Now, that’s not to say that another book wouldn’t do very well on the other platforms. And maybe I just did a piss-poor job of marketing to Kobo, Nook, and Smashwords readers. But whatever the reason, I couldn’t argue with the sales numbers, so I recently decided to go back on Kindle Unlimited. As a result, my sales and downloads have increased exponentially.
At the end of my current 90-day term, I will most likely give the other platforms another try (because I hate the idea of alienating even a few potential readers)—but for now, I’m happy where I am.
Consider your publishing goals. Are you solely looking to make money? If that’s the case, maybe Kindle Unlimited isn’t for you. But if you’re looking to get your book into as many hands as possible to build a name and a career for yourself? (not to mention built-in readers for your next book) Kindle Unlimited is definitely worth a try.
But what about all of you other self-published authors out there? Any suggestions or advice you’d like to share with the group? Now’s your chance to speak up! Let me know what you think.
April 9, 2015
Most likeable TV villains
Creating a villain everyone will hate? That’s fairly easy. But creating a villain your audience secretly (or not-so-secretly) roots for? Well…that’s a little more difficult. Here are a few of my favorite likable TV villains:
Boyd Crowder, Justified
He’s smart, funny, has a smooth Southern accent, and matches the show’s hero line for hilarious line. Yeah, he blows up churches, but hey, no one’s perfect, right?
Jaime Lannister, Game of Thrones
I just as easily could’ve gone with Tywin Lannister on this one, but hey, I like Jaime better. (He’s pretty, OK? Don’t judge)
Jaime Lannister is a terrible person who has done terrible, terrible things. We’re talking about a guy who’s having sex with his sister, and who once tried to kill a kid to cover up the incestuous affair. But every once in a great while, he shows little glimpses of decency and honor (like when he protected Brienne--at great cost to himself--and in his obvious love and respect for his brother) that make him darn-near likeable.
Crowley, Supernatural
He’s the King of Hell, and he’s all kinds of awesome. Why? He gets all the best lines on the show, delivered with wry wit (not to mention the wicked-cool accent), and never apologizes for/broods about what he is. He’s always a step ahead of the Winchesters, which would really bug me if it were anyone else. But Crowley? Eh, I’m OK with it. (I also love how Crowley calls Sam “Moose”, and refers to Dean as either “Squirrel” or “Not Moose”. Hilarious.) And a note off-topic in case any network execs are reading this: I would totally watch a Crowley/Castiel/Bobby Singer spin-off.
Special Agent Alex Mahone, Prison Break
The intense William Fichtner played corrupt Special Agent Alex Mahone to perfection. He wasn’t always likeable, but when he was onscreen, he owned it. He was the only other character on the show who was on an even mental playing field with the main hero, Michael. And Mahone was exceedingly complex. One minute he was killing off a main character (poor Tweener), and the next he’s calling his ex-wife and showing a kind of sad, sweet vulnerability that makes you want to give him a big hug (and help him get into drug rehab…but that’s another story).
Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
So, technically, by the end of Buffy the Vampire slayer, Spike was a hero who not only had a soul, but also managed to save the world. But before all that, Spike was a crazy, sexy, cool villain often referred to as The Big Bad. My favorite Spike moment of all time had him standing on a rooftop, watching Angel speak with a woman he'd just saved. Spike supplied his own dialog for both of them, switching his voice back and forth as he mocked Angel. It went like this:
In his girly voice: How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
In his Angel voice: No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire, but love--and a pesky curse--defanged me. Now I’m just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair, never the hair.
In his girly voice: But there must be some way I can...show my appreciation....
In his Angel voice: No, helping those in need is my job. And, working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
In his girly voice: I understand, I have a nephew whose gay so...
In his Angel voice: Say no more! Evil is still afoot, and I’m almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile...away!
Brilliant.
Wile E. Coyote
Poor guy couldn’t catch a break (or a bird). Was I the only one who REALLY wanted to see the poor, hungry coyote catch and eat that roadrunner?
Did I forget any of your favorites? Let’s discuss…
Boyd Crowder, Justified
He’s smart, funny, has a smooth Southern accent, and matches the show’s hero line for hilarious line. Yeah, he blows up churches, but hey, no one’s perfect, right?
Jaime Lannister, Game of Thrones
I just as easily could’ve gone with Tywin Lannister on this one, but hey, I like Jaime better. (He’s pretty, OK? Don’t judge)
Jaime Lannister is a terrible person who has done terrible, terrible things. We’re talking about a guy who’s having sex with his sister, and who once tried to kill a kid to cover up the incestuous affair. But every once in a great while, he shows little glimpses of decency and honor (like when he protected Brienne--at great cost to himself--and in his obvious love and respect for his brother) that make him darn-near likeable.
Crowley, Supernatural
He’s the King of Hell, and he’s all kinds of awesome. Why? He gets all the best lines on the show, delivered with wry wit (not to mention the wicked-cool accent), and never apologizes for/broods about what he is. He’s always a step ahead of the Winchesters, which would really bug me if it were anyone else. But Crowley? Eh, I’m OK with it. (I also love how Crowley calls Sam “Moose”, and refers to Dean as either “Squirrel” or “Not Moose”. Hilarious.) And a note off-topic in case any network execs are reading this: I would totally watch a Crowley/Castiel/Bobby Singer spin-off.
Special Agent Alex Mahone, Prison Break
The intense William Fichtner played corrupt Special Agent Alex Mahone to perfection. He wasn’t always likeable, but when he was onscreen, he owned it. He was the only other character on the show who was on an even mental playing field with the main hero, Michael. And Mahone was exceedingly complex. One minute he was killing off a main character (poor Tweener), and the next he’s calling his ex-wife and showing a kind of sad, sweet vulnerability that makes you want to give him a big hug (and help him get into drug rehab…but that’s another story).
Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel
So, technically, by the end of Buffy the Vampire slayer, Spike was a hero who not only had a soul, but also managed to save the world. But before all that, Spike was a crazy, sexy, cool villain often referred to as The Big Bad. My favorite Spike moment of all time had him standing on a rooftop, watching Angel speak with a woman he'd just saved. Spike supplied his own dialog for both of them, switching his voice back and forth as he mocked Angel. It went like this:
In his girly voice: How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night thing?
In his Angel voice: No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire, but love--and a pesky curse--defanged me. Now I’m just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair, never the hair.
In his girly voice: But there must be some way I can...show my appreciation....
In his Angel voice: No, helping those in need is my job. And, working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.
In his girly voice: I understand, I have a nephew whose gay so...
In his Angel voice: Say no more! Evil is still afoot, and I’m almost out of that Nancy-boy hair gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile...away!
Brilliant.
Wile E. Coyote
Poor guy couldn’t catch a break (or a bird). Was I the only one who REALLY wanted to see the poor, hungry coyote catch and eat that roadrunner?
Did I forget any of your favorites? Let’s discuss…
March 7, 2015
#DearMe
I love the Dear Me movement! Here's my contribution.
A list of things I’d like to tell my younger self:
1. Don’t get too attached to 21 Jump Street. Johnny Depp will get bored and quit, the show will go to hell, but you’ll be invested by that point and will watch anyway, thus wasting every Sunday night for 2 full seasons.
2. Bangs aren’t for you. Trust me on this.
3. Don’t refuse to wear your glasses while your braces are on out of vanity. Squinting at everything—and walking into shit like a dumbass—doesn’t make you look pretty, either.
4. Your parents are right. About what, you ask? Doesn’t matter. They’re right, you’re wrong.
5. Those girls you think are your best friends? You know, the ones who are nice to your face, but constantly undermine your self-confidence and say nasty things about you behind your back? Yeah, they suck. Stay away from them.
6. You’re not going to marry Jon Bon Jovi. Sorry, but it’s true.
7. The stories you write aren’t stupid. Keep writing them. (Except the bad fanfiction…that’s stupid and you should stop writing it)
8. Stirrup pants are evil.
9. Don’t be afraid to be smarter than the boys. They won’t stop liking you because of it. (They might stop liking you because you’re squinting like an idiot all the time, though)
10. Don’t wear the mullet-skirted, shiny green satin prom dress. The pictures will haunt you for years.
A list of things I’d like to tell my younger self:
1. Don’t get too attached to 21 Jump Street. Johnny Depp will get bored and quit, the show will go to hell, but you’ll be invested by that point and will watch anyway, thus wasting every Sunday night for 2 full seasons.
2. Bangs aren’t for you. Trust me on this.
3. Don’t refuse to wear your glasses while your braces are on out of vanity. Squinting at everything—and walking into shit like a dumbass—doesn’t make you look pretty, either.
4. Your parents are right. About what, you ask? Doesn’t matter. They’re right, you’re wrong.
5. Those girls you think are your best friends? You know, the ones who are nice to your face, but constantly undermine your self-confidence and say nasty things about you behind your back? Yeah, they suck. Stay away from them.
6. You’re not going to marry Jon Bon Jovi. Sorry, but it’s true.
7. The stories you write aren’t stupid. Keep writing them. (Except the bad fanfiction…that’s stupid and you should stop writing it)
8. Stirrup pants are evil.
9. Don’t be afraid to be smarter than the boys. They won’t stop liking you because of it. (They might stop liking you because you’re squinting like an idiot all the time, though)
10. Don’t wear the mullet-skirted, shiny green satin prom dress. The pictures will haunt you for years.
March 3, 2015
Top 6 shows that were cancelled too soon
It was awesome, so naturally, it was cancelled
I don’t watch television shows until they’ve been renewed for at least a fifth season. Why, you ask?
Because I am a killer of good television.
It’s a documented fact that if I love a show, it will fail to find other viewers and the network will unceremoniously ax it before its time. You can all thank me for the fact that Supernatural is still going strong in season 10; I didn’t start watching it until this year. You’re welcome.
Here are the top 6 brilliant, engaging, clever shows that were cancelled only because I liked them (I mean, what other reason could there have been, right?)
John Doe
A mystery man literally falls from the sky, naked, with complete amnesia…but an encyclopedic knowledge of EVERYTHING else. Who wouldn’t want to watch that show? Well, apparently, everyone but me managed to avoid it. The show was cancelled after only 22 episodes in 2002. Damn it. Twelve years later and I’m still bummed that I never found out who John Doe was or what happened to him.
Vengeance Unlimited
I’m dating myself with this one, but this 1998 drama starred the fabulous Michael Madsen as Mr. Church, a mystery man who offered people who were wronged by criminals revenge in exchange for one million dollars…or a favor, that he would collect at his leisure. His elaborately-plotted revenge schemes would do Emily Thorne proud and kept me highly entertained for 16 episodes before the network pulled the plug. Mr. Church, if you’re still out there somewhere, I’ve got an old boss I’d like to talk to you about…
Veronica Mars
This show about an incredibly intelligent, tough young girl who moonlighted as a private detective at her father’s agency suffered an especially cruel mid-season cancellation. I’m still too bitter to talk about it. The follow-up movie eased my pain somewhat. That’s all I have to say about that.
Dark Angel
James Cameron directed this 2000 sci-fi drama set in the post-apocalyptic Pacific Northwest. The show starred Jessica Alba as Max, a genetically enhanced super human who, as a child, escaped from the lab that created her, along with a group of others like her. The show was cancelled in 2002 just as a class war between broke out between the misunderstood super humans and an intolerant population of “normal people”. So, not only was I denied a satisfying, happy ending for the characters I’d grown to love, but I was also deprived of my only source of Jensen Ackles, who I didn’t see again for several years. Talk about a slap in the face! Goes to show that even an Academy Award-winning director can’t save a show I like from cancellation.
Angel
This Buffy the Vampire Slayer spin-off had a longer run than my favorite shows typically enjoy, but its season 5 cancellation was still heart-breaking. The last episode closes at the start of an epic, against-all-odds type of battle between good and evil. Will Angel and his crew survive? What happens next? Will the freakin’ dragon destroy LA? I have no idea. None of my questions were answered. I don’t blame Joss Whedon (he can do no wrong)…but what the hell? The network couldn’t foot the bill for ONE more episode? A follow-up movie? A note to let me know that Angel and Spike made it out of the battle in one piece? Shame on you, network. Boo!
Firefly
This space-Western was well-written, wicked clever, and full of loveable, flawed, complex characters. So, clearly, the network had no choice but to cancel it after only 14 episodes (only 11 of which actually aired). The show, like its follow-up movie, was brilliant and tragic (because it ENDED).
So, I pose this question:
If we all agree to quit watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey, The Kardashians, and American Idol, do you think we could convince a network to make room in the line-up for more terrific scripted television shows like John Doe, Vengeance Unlimited, Veronica Mars, Dark Angel, and Firefly? Is that too much to ask?
And in return, I promise you the following: I won’t watch until your favorite shows been renewed for at least a fifth season. Don’t say I never did anything for you…
I don’t watch television shows until they’ve been renewed for at least a fifth season. Why, you ask?
Because I am a killer of good television.
It’s a documented fact that if I love a show, it will fail to find other viewers and the network will unceremoniously ax it before its time. You can all thank me for the fact that Supernatural is still going strong in season 10; I didn’t start watching it until this year. You’re welcome.
Here are the top 6 brilliant, engaging, clever shows that were cancelled only because I liked them (I mean, what other reason could there have been, right?)
John Doe
A mystery man literally falls from the sky, naked, with complete amnesia…but an encyclopedic knowledge of EVERYTHING else. Who wouldn’t want to watch that show? Well, apparently, everyone but me managed to avoid it. The show was cancelled after only 22 episodes in 2002. Damn it. Twelve years later and I’m still bummed that I never found out who John Doe was or what happened to him.
Vengeance Unlimited
I’m dating myself with this one, but this 1998 drama starred the fabulous Michael Madsen as Mr. Church, a mystery man who offered people who were wronged by criminals revenge in exchange for one million dollars…or a favor, that he would collect at his leisure. His elaborately-plotted revenge schemes would do Emily Thorne proud and kept me highly entertained for 16 episodes before the network pulled the plug. Mr. Church, if you’re still out there somewhere, I’ve got an old boss I’d like to talk to you about…
Veronica Mars
This show about an incredibly intelligent, tough young girl who moonlighted as a private detective at her father’s agency suffered an especially cruel mid-season cancellation. I’m still too bitter to talk about it. The follow-up movie eased my pain somewhat. That’s all I have to say about that.
Dark Angel
James Cameron directed this 2000 sci-fi drama set in the post-apocalyptic Pacific Northwest. The show starred Jessica Alba as Max, a genetically enhanced super human who, as a child, escaped from the lab that created her, along with a group of others like her. The show was cancelled in 2002 just as a class war between broke out between the misunderstood super humans and an intolerant population of “normal people”. So, not only was I denied a satisfying, happy ending for the characters I’d grown to love, but I was also deprived of my only source of Jensen Ackles, who I didn’t see again for several years. Talk about a slap in the face! Goes to show that even an Academy Award-winning director can’t save a show I like from cancellation.
Angel
This Buffy the Vampire Slayer spin-off had a longer run than my favorite shows typically enjoy, but its season 5 cancellation was still heart-breaking. The last episode closes at the start of an epic, against-all-odds type of battle between good and evil. Will Angel and his crew survive? What happens next? Will the freakin’ dragon destroy LA? I have no idea. None of my questions were answered. I don’t blame Joss Whedon (he can do no wrong)…but what the hell? The network couldn’t foot the bill for ONE more episode? A follow-up movie? A note to let me know that Angel and Spike made it out of the battle in one piece? Shame on you, network. Boo!
Firefly
This space-Western was well-written, wicked clever, and full of loveable, flawed, complex characters. So, clearly, the network had no choice but to cancel it after only 14 episodes (only 11 of which actually aired). The show, like its follow-up movie, was brilliant and tragic (because it ENDED).
So, I pose this question:
If we all agree to quit watching The Real Housewives of New Jersey, The Kardashians, and American Idol, do you think we could convince a network to make room in the line-up for more terrific scripted television shows like John Doe, Vengeance Unlimited, Veronica Mars, Dark Angel, and Firefly? Is that too much to ask?
And in return, I promise you the following: I won’t watch until your favorite shows been renewed for at least a fifth season. Don’t say I never did anything for you…
