Job opening: "Moms" needed immediately!

Position: “Mom” (alternate titles include: “Momma”, “Mommy”, and “Mother”)

Work hours: 24/7

Term: The rest of your life

Pay: The knowledge that you’re helping shape the life of a tiny human

Bonus potential: Occasional hugs and kisses

Sick days/paid time off: Not applicable to the “Mom” position

Opportunities for advancement: None. The organization is completely lateral.

Responsibilities:
A “Mom” must possess:

Knowledge of where everything is

Willingness to clean up various messes, including biohazard

Honest answers to all manner of uncomfortable and/or embarrassing questions

Proven ability to scare away the boogie man and/or other creatures commonly found in nightmares

Own car for 24/7 shuttle service

Event planning expertise for clients of all ages

Ability to feign interest in video games

Ability to defend your charge, to the death, against all threats (includes both real and perceived threats)

Zero expectations of personal space

Advanced negotiation skills, as well as short order cook and janitorial experience a plus.

If you’re interested in the position…well, then you are my kind of crazy! Share with others, because recruitment for this position can be challenging…