Sarafina Bianco's Blog, page 2

When life takes over.

Two of my best friends married each other Friday. It was a wonderful (quick) ceremony and an awesome celebration. Smiles all day.

My husband got to hangout with the spouses of all of my college friends while the rest of us did wedding party prep. They probably had more fun than us, only because they could relax all day. By the time we hit the dance floor he was in rare form, side-steppin’ and gyrating his way over to me. “I’ve been waiting for this all night,” he said, drunkenly pulling me into his arms while he attempted his sweetest moves. It’s in moments like those we remember life is meant to be fun, meant to be enjoyed and lived.

The following morning I woke up to texts from my sister and a neighbor: two people in my life had passed that night while we celebrated a new stage for someone else.

It’s a bizarre thing, really, when life reminds us we aren’t untouchable. We can go from the highest to lowest in just a few hours time. Still, I can’t help but think those who left us would have wanted us to celebrate the way we did.

I’m trying not to think about The House on Sunset as much as I have been. I’ve learned it’s pretty damn easy to stalk my rankings and sales, and I’m really wanting to let go and let my story live its own life now. Maybe I’m just ready for a break from marketing. Maybe life knew that when it dished out the cards this weekend.

These things have all helped me see what my life is right now, and I’m happy to focus on loving those who are still here, especially my husband. That man has been with me through it all, yet I sometimes take that for granted. I feel fortunate to recognize this now, instead of letting it become a problem we have to work through.

Sometimes to see beauty we have to feel sadness. I’ve said it through my recovery, and I’m finding it still applies when less-traumatic events happen.

So today, as I sit and type this, I can’t help but feel thankful for the unhappiness. Because, if I let it consume me in any way, I’m not truly living the life I’ve wanted for myself since I left the house on Sunset.

And that would be the most unfortunate.

Rebuilding Relationships

Sharing your truth allows old fears to die.

I’ve been asked by several people how my relationship is with my mom. The truth? Better now that I’ve aired my dirty laundry. Maybe, on some small level, she appreciated that I exposed my fears and anxieties for what they are: a haunting piece of a past I’m not proud of. I’ve been asked if she feels exposed or blamed. Or if we talk anymore. All valid questions for an outsider, I think.

Our relationship is better than it has ever been. She and I can communicate more effectively, discuss our differences and move past them without feeling unheard or misunderstood. Maybe that’s an age thing, though. Maybe as a thirty-something who’s ready to build my own family, I’m a lot more forgiving of what I thought her faults were.

Maybe it’s because I’ve made enough mistakes to realize how powerful they are. I see how my choices made an impact on my life and the lives of others, and I’m aware that without the therapy I received I probably wouldn’t be able to communicate these things appropriately. After all, when we’re so attached to our own stories that we can’t see life outside of them, how can we change our paths? I’m not sure I have a good answer to that.

Here’s what I do know:

My mom loves me and I love her. Even through our differences.

Our generational gap, the openness of our modern society, has allowed us to speak more freely about things that were held private before. I cannot hold it against her that she grew up with a different viewpoint on what was appropriate to share and what was not, just as she cannot hold it against me.

There is always a silver-lining when we face adversity. This happens to be the one I’m most proud of today.

Because who doesn’t want a second chance at a better relationship with their parents?

I’m a happy girl.

 

The Launch.

If you’re ready to celebrate the launch of #thehouseonsunset in the same ways as me, this is the place to find the jackpot.

First, I’m making announcements all day on my Facebook event. Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/events/1538885113012783

Once you’re there, you’ll see more details on all of my announcements, including:

Guest posts with Desiree Wolfe and The Flounce.
An announcement of this month’s partnership, giving 50% of my profits to the Alpha Chi Omega Foundation.
A book contest.
Prizes for the first 50 people to share my amazon link on social media (using the hashtag #thehouseonsunset or tagging me).
Ending the day by acknowledging the beginning of Domestic Violence Awareness Month with a new project I’ve started: #domesticviolencechat on Twitter. Safe Connections, the counseling center I went to, will be co-hosting this week. And BIG things are happening throughout the rest of the month.

If you want to know more about anything I’ve listed, click the very first link to attend my all-day online event.

We’re in the beginning stages of a brand new future for Fina (

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a party to host. I’ll be wearing purple.

 

It’s Almost Time.

Gearing up for the start of #domesticviolencechat in big ways. And it’s almost time. Two days away, to be exact.

I’ve partnered with DomesticShelters.org, a new site housing a search engine specifically for non-profits and DV resources. Their mission? To provide survivors with one spot to find everything local they need. Instead of a Google search, survivors can head to the website, enter their zip code, and a list of resources will appear. Since they are still building, it is their hope to find every resource available, but realize they do not have them all just yet.

Regardless, what a great idea for people who need to find help fast.

We’re two days away from the first #domesticviolencechat on Twitter, but the rest will take place on Monday evenings at 9PM CDT. The first? This Wednesday. Same time.

To participate, all you’ll need to do is follow the hashtag on Twitter. You’ll be able to engage with others who are trying to spread the word against DV, people like us.

The book has been available on Amazon for a week now, and I’ve received some amazing reviews already. Check out my Amazon page to see what others are saying about The House on Sunset.

And, as always, thank you for being here with me. Thank you for your support and for using your voice to change the current topic of conversation.

It’s time to #unsilencetheviolence once and for all.

I love you.

Leap and a net appears: 10 days until Sunset.

While the eBook is available today, my release party is on October 1st. Between then and now, I’ll try to be here as often as possible, updating you on the amazing things going on in my life.

Today’s excitement? My first TV interview.

I was driving to Springfield, Missouri, my old college town. There, I planned to distract myself from the growing nerves surrounding the release. An annual writing conference held there brings in several authors who I met through my editor. So, I’d get to meet some of the women I’ve befriended online while learning tips and tricks from editors and agents, surrounded by another 100 writers. But while I was driving I received a phone call from the counseling center where I received abuse therapy. The woman I spoke to, Deb, asked if I could come into the office to be interviewed by a reporter covering the increase in calls to centers and shelters since DV has been in the mainstream media for the last few weeks. You can imagine my surprise at their offer, especially since I was already an hour outside of town. I declined their offer, but my disappointment was thick. Deb thanked me for picking up and promised she’d keep me in mind for the next offer, and I thanked her for her generosity and trust in my ability.

Minutes later, she called me back and offered to do a phone interview. I agreed and we set it up.

Here’s what  you missed if you didn’t see my Facebook post:

Post by Sarafina Bianco – Author.

Good things are happening. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried or watched this video. But I’m proud and I feel like I’m doing what’s necessary. My calling? To use my voice until other survivors are ready.

When you work hard and dream big, knowing your goals only benefit society, it’s okay to leap without fear. Usually, a net appears.

Step one

I’m manifesting joy, safety and abundance every day. It’s a gift I’ve given myself, one I would have pshawed a year ago, that feels organic and healthy now. One thing I’ve learned through this journey is not to judge ideas or concepts because they seem abnormal. At some point, when life leads you another direction, abnormal dies off as quickly as the beliefs you used to hold. So, here I am, believing in manifestations and reaping what you sow. That’s not to say we deserve everything we deal with in life, but it does mean our choices surrounding those issues will eventually pay off.

Before I get too many people up in arms about what I’m saying, all I mean is that I feel an energy around the release. A calm, internal soothing of my daunted places. I feel stronger, more self-sufficient and nourished. Unbroken.

It forces me to continue forward, knowing I’m doing the right thing. Then, once I’ve confirmed for myself I’m where I need to be, another voice chimes in to support me. A reader or friend or family member, all telling me my mission’s momentum has inspired them or inspired someone they know. That’s when all of the struggle seems worth it. That’s when I look back at what I’ve survived and realize I’ve done a damn good job recovering.

It’s not that I’m happy I went through what I did, but it’s given me a bigger sense of meaning in this world, and I’m thankful for that.

Last week two different online magazines reached out to me and asked me to write for them, then I got another interview offer for a podcast. And I’ve connected with lots of national DV organizations and started talking with them about some ideas I have to further the conversation and DV education. Once I believed I could do it and took the first step, people have come out of nowhere to help me continue.

So, my call to you – my beautiful friends – is to take the first step toward your dream this week, whatever that means for you. Believe in your mission and path and go after it. The first step is the hardest part, but once you take it I swear you’ll see you can move mountains. And once you do know I’ll be here, cheering you on the way you’ve done for me. I’m nothing but a loud woman who cheers on others who use their voices.

♦◊♦

The book release date is coming up. I’m going to be hosting a chat on Google hangouts that day, plus a few other exciting things. If you’re interested in following the party, you have an open invitation to join me on Facebook (where I’m hosting all release day celebration info).

If you look across the top of the screen you’ll see I added a few more pages. One is for the book, and I’ll post the links to purchase (plus reviews) after it’s been released. The other is full of information on the national services available to abuse survivors. After all, I’m a huge advocate for seeking help, and a list like the one I’ve started helped me find my counseling center. Check it out. Print it and keep it on your refrigerator. Just know it’s there.

Enjoy your week, my friends. As usual, you can find me at The Good Men Project later today (where I’ll discuss three tips my now-husband has for any recently engaged man) or on The Flounce later this week. Of course, I may have a few more posts sprinkled in here or somewhere else, but I like to leave myself a little bit of open space to breathe.

Oh, and just in case you hadn’t realized, that gorgeous image is my book cover.

Lots to share.

I often times fear my readership becomes annoyed by self-promotion, longing for the old days when I came here to pour out my guts. This site will always be my gut-spilling space and I owe it MANY thanks for opening so many doors to other places I walk around naked.

It’s an amazing journey, this one. I’ve hit roadblocks and detours, I’ve been frustrated beyond belief and threatened, but we’re nearing the final lap. There are so many amazing things I cannot wait to share with you, especially in October, and we’ll be able to celebrate victories and open doors. Things we’ve been begging to find for years are finally presenting themselves.

I think I owe it to myself, for practicing manifesting instead of hoping. And to you guys. You’ve been my cheerleaders and inspiration for FOUR years of blogging. For four years, you’ve commented, emailed and tweeted, and I wouldn’t have kept going without you. That’s for damn sure.

* * *

In case you wanted to pre-order the eBook version of The House on Sunset, Amazon has re-released the pre-order page. Click on this sentence to be taken to the right page. Between their fixes and my new knowledge, there should be no further cancellations.  The paperback version will be available on (or around) release day. Amazon does not do pre-orders on paperbacks, so you’ll just have to wait if you want to hold it in your hands (I have to wait, too).

As for the leaked video: I’m afraid for Janay Palmer Rice, especially now since we’ve heard the comments she released today. I could pull up documented excuses I made for my abuser, proving only one of two things:  she’s still being abused OR feeling the aftermath of trauma. I protected my abuser to protect myself, believing it was easier to lie about his actions and my feelings than face the consequences of standing against him. You can read more about my thoughts on  The Flounce, a new site where I’ll be discussing all-things domestic violence. 

And, if you’re still not getting enough of the usual Fina, you can also find me at The Good Men Project every Monday. Three posts a week from me, if not more here, because I’m that adamant about being a voice and reaching further than I have. This book? It inspired me to keep pushing. And I don’t see a time I’ll ever stop.

P.s. If you haven’t checked out the hashtags #whyIstayed or #whyIleft, you need to run to Twitter and do it. Immediately.

 

 

When the World Shuts Me Down.

We sat at a bonfire Saturday night, surrounded by friends, while we celebrated a birthday. The smores and cider battling in a popularity contest. It was good to be outside without sweating, anticipating a fall with more nights like that.

And I’m glad I was: the night served as a nice reprieve from the hiccups of book release and blog ownership.

What I’ve learned through this process is that I know next to nothing about either. I didn’t know about beta readers or widgets that change when you move your blog onto your own server. Or Amazon’s whacked out policies that make pre-orders seem less than worth it. For those of you who ordered my book online, I’m so sorry your order was canceled. Amazon says there’s nothing they can do (a glitch in a new system they found only through my experience and struggles), and I have to redesign the page/resubmit the book to begin taking pre-orders again. So, the best I can do is promise you can pre-order again. And, this time, it won’t be canceled. If I could make it more convenient I would. Unfortunately, my hands are tied here.

I will post the link here, on Facebook and Twitter, once they approve my request again (should be at some point today). I’ll still offer a special gift to the first fifty people who pre-order and the first fifty people who purchase on release day. That means there are 100 of you who can earn gifts, if you play your cards right (details in previous post).

We’re back on track and I am happy about that. Still, it’s hard to watch the world throw up stop signs and road blocks while you’re doing the best you can to keep your head above water. The only thing that’s keeping me treading water? Knowing it’ll be worth it. That when all of this is said and done, I’ll have told my truth and, hopefully, someone benefits from it.

That’s my goal with this, anyway. To spread awareness for a cause that changed my life. It’s the thing I need to remember when the world shuts me down. It’s bigger than my issues or pre-orders. And it’s bigger than the stress I’m feeling now (which is survivable). The good that comes out of being so naked outweighs all the anxiety I’m carrying.

And I’ll better see it once The House on Sunset is released.

When the words won’t come…

What do you do when the words won’t come?

I write about it.

How empty the fingers that provide so much depth most days. Now they feel unfair. Unfinished. Pointless? Heavy in their hollowness. Something but mostly nothing.

It’s like how I felt when I refused to date. How wasteful I felt in my twenties. But how could I date after everything I’d been through? What do you do when the life you want won’t come? You wait longer. Or you throw yourself out there and push through the hard bits, knowing even more pain might find you.

Fear binds both to me. When the words won’t come, I’m scared my career is over before it’s started. When I was single, I was scared I’d never find someone to share this journey with. It’s as easy as realizing I couldn’t get past the problem without living through the fear. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have my soul mate.

Now? I write anyway. Because, if I don’t, I’m letting fear beat my dream.

I’ll Always be…

As we near the release, I can’t help but play what if as JF sleeps next to me. With every toss of a sleepless limb, he reaches for me without opening his eyes, a magic I can’t quite understand. It’s like my presence stirs something in him and wakes his heart enough to be certain I’m safe.

“Are you okay, baby?” His warm, strong hands protecting whatever limb he reaches with closed eyes.

I always grab it, squeezing his fingers between mine, and I always say yes.

Sometimes when it’s light out I share with him the choices I’m making for us: for success and abundance and passion and purpose. My hopes for our future larger than mine ever were when I was alone.

“I’m ready to conquer the world with you, JF.” I say it via text, a form of communication we’ve mastered.

And he responds, “The world is in the bag,” and I know he’s right, whatever that means for us. Our life? Perfection. And putting myself out there with this book feels an awful lot like gambling with our future happiness.

Still, I go to sleep next to my husband every night.

Once I settle in, like clockwork, those safe hands come to me.

“Are you okay, baby?”

And I think I always will be as long as he’s with me.