Jacqui Murray's Blog, page 191
April 23, 2012
Writers Tips #5: Beware the gerund
When you read your story, does it sound off? Maybe you can’t quite put your 
finger on it, but you know you’ve done something wrong?
Sometimes–maybe even lots of times–there are simple fixes. I’ll point them out. They’ll come at you once a week, giving you plenty of time to go through your story and make the adjustments. Add comments with your favorite editing fixes.
A gerund is a verb that ends in -ing and functions as a noun.
learning
running
asking
Too many gerunds make your writing passive. You take a wonderful verb, attach it to the passive is or was and water down the energy of your action. Here’s how to fix it:
Wrong: He was learning how to ice skate
Right: He learned how to ice skate, or He took ice skating classes
Wrong: He was looking out the window
Right: He looked out the window
Wrong: He was running down the street
Right: He ran down the street
Wrong: He was asking where the book store was
Right: He asked where the book store was
All gerunds aren’t bad or I would have said: Delete the gerund. Just watch them.
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Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-sixth grade, creator of two technology training books for middle school and three ebooks on technology in education. She is the author of Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for six blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com , Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a weekly contributor to Write Anything. Currently, she’s editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
Filed under: writers tips Tagged: gerunds, writers tips
April 20, 2012
Book Review: Vegas Knockout
by Tom Schreck
Tom Schreck’s The Vegas Knockout (Thomas and Mercer 2012) is a fun romp into the world of boxing, a habitat I rarely wander through. Well, there’s Rocky whose story made fighters warm and fuzzy and quintessentially likable. Schreck’s fighter is as appealing as Rocky without his chance for success.
The novel tells the story of Duffy Dombrowski, an amateur fighter with a day job as a social worker who gets a big break when he’s offered a job in Las Vegas as the punching bag for a heavy weight contender. Even when Boris Rusakov (good bad guy name, hunh?) turns out to have the social instincts of a snapping turtle with a mean streak that would scare Hannibal Lector, Duffy perseveres because it pays well and he’s broke. Things get interesting right away when he must take his strong-willed basset hound with him to Sin City, and again when Duffy’s accommodations end up to be a whore house.
While doing his gig, Duffy befriends a group of Mexican fighters at a time in Vegas’ history when a serial killer is murdering fighters before an upcoming show. The plot comes to a deadly head when Duffy kills his boss while protecting an illegal from his unwanted advances.
Scary themes–yes–but all told with a sense of humor (“the first one through was a croissant short of three hundred fifty pounds“)which lets the reader relax, knowing everything will work out for Duffy. Schreck throws out lots of original lines (“I saw Al [Duffy's basset hound] do his telltale rounding so I stood and sort of meditated while he made like an oversized Play-Doh machine.”). I love the doggy bits–”I went straight to bed and found Al had beaten me there. He was on his back with all four feet in the air snoring...” True, some of the scenes were a bit over the top–like Duffy taking an untrained dog on an airplane. More than once, the plot line–while funny–crossed into unbelievable. Because of Schreck’s writing skill, I took them in the spirit of fiction.
Overall, this is a fun book, as easy to read as a large print novel, and an interesting peek into the world of boxing. I’d recommend it to anyone with a free evening and nowhere to go.
Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-sixth grade and creator of two technology training books for middle school. She is the author of Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for five blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a weekly contributor to Write Anything. Currently, she’s editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
Filed under: book reviews Tagged: book review, vegas
April 19, 2012
Check out my Article Over at Write Anything
I have an interesting rundown of my foibles and follies over on Write Anything. It’s an update on my writing progress. That includes Twenty-Four Days (my thriller), my non-fiction tech ed books, my columns, and my guest posts.
If you can’t make it–no worries. I’ll post it here soon.
Filed under: Guest bloggers, Uncategorized Tagged: guest posts, wip
April 18, 2012
How to Describe Sensory Actions
Sensory detail brings a scene alive for the reader. The taste, smell, visual, tactile and sound of your story’s world can do more to make it real than anything else. But you can’t say, ‘she heard’, ‘he tasted‘. That puts the reader outside the story, watching, not experiencing. We’re writers and must be much more creative about our presentation.
Here’s a list of prompts to get you thinking about what the senses actually feel like from the inside. These are from my own writing or novels I’ve read so don’t use them. Taste the words and recreate them with your own voice.
Voice
His voice trailed off, the conclusions inescapable
“who is it?” a whiskey-soaked voice asked
How does voice tell your story?
voice pinched
spoke in a hoarse whisper
said absently
voice clipped and filled with a dark edge
Made a muffled squeak
Fists balled tightly, eyes string blandly
weary resignation
hollow voice
she asked between bites of calamari
Had a little girl voice that stopped just short of lisping
Voice low and gravely
Voice detached and clinical
Voice thick with conviction, guilt,
Voice cracked and raw
Speaking in quiet tones
Hadn’t realized she was holding her breath
Said coolly
Breathy explosion of words
Her voice soft and measured like a guy trying to overcome a stutter
Tone weary, but cheerful
No, yes, maybe, I don’t know–shit!
Half smile in place like a casual piece of armor
“I don’t know.” Too rapid
He said it too fast and too loudly
Dropping into topics she cared passionately about but she didn’t comment
She yelped
I sense a but coming
Yes, she lied
Meaningless gibberish
Like what, I said around the bite
Chuckled in spite of himself
Quite a coincidence, his voice made it clear it was anything but
Said in a calm, unhurried voice
Jinn nodded, but it took him a moment to find his voice
The tone said order could prevail over chaos
Said absently as the printer spun out more paper
I beckon him to proceed
The playfulness fell away like a discarded cloak
Eyes
stared through him
What can eyes tell about the plot?
Looked left and right before starting
shadow passed over his eyes
Flicker in his eyes
Said without looking at him
focused on an empty space in the air between them
looked for a common theme, a thread of some sort
She frowned–couldn’t recall the incident
Heard little and cared less
Hovering over her shoulder
his eyes flattened
his face hardened in concentration
arched an eye brow
looked at me with a strangled expression
Thinking about my conversation with the old detective
shot a look over the top of his glasses
Squinted at the sun
Ears
ears strained to create a visual picture of what was happening behind her
Photo credit: FreakingNews.com
Sight
Eyed me as though his bullshit meter was ticking in the red zone.
An alertness in the eyes, behind the glasses that sat crookedly on the nose
Cold gaze fixed on the anxious young man
Sure, we know that, said Herrera, taking off his glasses to inspect the lenses.
He saw her eyes open wide in surprise and recognition.
Eyes bleary from surveillance and the two-hour drive
Vision narrowed to a pinprick
Eyes clouded
eyes locked on like magnets
four pairs of eyes blinked in unison
studied her with a predator’s unwavering attention
blinked a couple of time
eyes narrowed to slits
narrowed his eyes
eyes locked in a shared undestanding
Squinted out into the audience
yellow rimmed eyes narrowing
eyes turned inward
shook her head and stared at the pool
peered sightlessly at a wall
Staring sightlessly into the darkness
Stared off into the crowd but didn’t seem to see anything
Stared into the distance
Fixed expression
Looked at a place somewhere over his shoulder
Their eyes met, but he broke it off
meaningful eye contact
studied him with her level gaze
dark eyes radiated a fierce, uncompromising intelligence
rubbed raw eyes
his eyes flickered past me
eyes narrowed, she got a vertical wrinkle between her eyebrow
risked a peek
she screwed her eyes shut
stared brazenly into her eyes
eyes felt scratchy and I was jittery with coffee and raw from sleeplessness.
His eyes were never still and he never looked at me except in passing
Smell
Human
Anais anais
Her perfume smelled like jasmine.
Her hair smelled like crisp apples
All I could smell was my own human breath, my own human body and the faint metallic odor of blood
The smell of tobacco hung on him like a cloud
Smelling like they hadn’t bathed in a month
Outdoors
The air was full of the smell of burned rubber and hot brakes and gas and oil
Indoors
Malodor of dank concrete and compacted humanity no ventilator fan could ever drive out
The room smelling of tobacco and crumbling plaster and peeling wallpaper
smelled of mold and rug beer and food left rotting in the sink on crusted plates.
Emotion
they could smell it, couldn’t they? It was like booze on the breath
Smelled of desperation accumulated over the years
Any of your own favorites to add? I’d love to read them.
Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-fifth grade and creator of two technology training books for middle school. She is the author of Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for five blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a weekly contributor to Write Anything and Technology in Education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
Filed under: descriptors, writers resources, writing Tagged: descriptors, senses
April 17, 2012
Tech Tip for Writers #51: Copy Images From Google Images
Tech Tips for Writers is an (almost) weekly post on overcoming Tech Dread. I’ll cover issues that friends, both real-time and virtual, have shared. Feel free to post a comment about a question you have. I’ll cover it in a future tip.
Q: To copy an image from Google Images (or Bing), I right-click on the picture, select copy, then paste it into my document (with right-click, paste). But, it’s hard to move around. Is there an easier way?
A: You’re probably grabbing the thumbnail rather than the real image. Before copying the picture, go to the full size image by clicking on the gallery thumbnail…
…then copy-paste the image that shows up.
Questions you want answered? Leave a comment here and I’ll answer it within the next thirty days.
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Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-sixth grade and creator of two technology training books for middle school. She is the author of Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for five blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a bi-weekly contributor to Write Anything. Currently, she’s editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
Filed under: tech tips for writers Tagged: images, tech tips, writers tips
April 16, 2012
Writer’s Tips #4: When to Follow Rules
When you read your story, does it sound off? Maybe you can’t quite put your finger on it, but you know you’ve done something wrong?
Sometimes–maybe even lots of times–there are simple fixes. I’ll point them out. They’ll come at you once a week, giving you plenty of time to go through your story and make the adjustments. Add comments with your favorite editing fixes.
There are many books on writing, all with their own set of must-follow rules. Here’s my tip for you: Never follow a rule over a cliff.
To have these tips delivered to your email, click here.
Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-fifth grade and creator of two technology training books for middle school. She is the author of Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for five blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a weekly contributor to Write Anything and Technology in Education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
Filed under: writers tips Tagged: follow rules, writers tips
April 13, 2012
What’s Trending on WordDreams
I calculate What’s Trending on my blog by which of my posts are popular a particular ninety-day period. Here’s this period’s run-down:
How to Describe Dogs
How to Describe a Person’s Clothing
178 Ways to Describe Women’s Clothing
Characteristics That Make Your Character Memorable
103 Most Beautiful Words? You Decide
How to Describe Nature
Do You Have a Character Who’s a First Lady?
51 Great Similes to Spark Imagination
How to Show (Not Tell) Emotion–E to O
One-Word Characteristics to Spice Up Your Writing
Interesting, isn’t it? 9 out of 10 were descriptions (some tangential). That tells me, writers visit my blog to hone their skills, not for my opinions (which is good because I’m not terribly opinionated, and those I have, I’m happy to keep between me and my husband).
What do you think?
Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-fifth grade and creator of two technology training books for middle school. She is the author of Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for five blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a weekly contributor to Write Anything and Technology in Education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
Filed under: descriptors, writers resources Tagged: descriptions, writing resources
April 11, 2012
How to be Funny if You’re Not–Part I
I’m not funny. I try, but that gene was left out when God created me. But as a writer, I realize people like a sense of humor in a story. It’s like butter on broccoli or honey on toast–the words just taste better. I wrote several articles in my quest for humor:
Is Your Character a College Student? Here’s Their Dorm Room
Writer’s Tip #31: 10 Great Ones from Roddy Doyle
Got Any Non-Geeks in Your Story? Read On
How To Describe a US Navy Character in Your Novel
How to Add Humor to Dull Characters
51 Great Similes to Spark Imagination
But what I really needed was to LEARN how to be funny. I started by writing down the funny one-liners I heard so I could adapt them to my story. That helped, but writers must be original so I bought a few books.
One is Comedy Thesaurus by Judy Brown (Quirk Books 2005). She organizes 3,241 ‘quips, quotes and smart*** remarks’ alphabetically by topic, crediting the person who said it, so you can find one that fits your theme–topics like
beauty (There are a lot of good-looking men out there. But keep in mind that no matter how cute and sexy a guy is, there’s always some woman somewhere who is sick of him)
elections (we have a presidential election coming up. And I think the big problem, of course, is someone will win)
occupations (I used to be a furniture salesman. Problem was, it was my own)
Here are some of the quips she recounts for readers:
When I gave birth, I had twins, my daughter and my husband. They were both immature and bald.
I love to sleep. It’s the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious (Rita Rudner)
My husband is from England and has never seen a football game before. So I could tell him anything I wanted. I told him it was over at half time. (Rita Rudner–she’s so funny)
I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog (Wendy Liebman)
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night. The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance e you’ll wind up naked (Jerry Seinfeld)
I never drink coffee at work. It keeps me awake (Judy Brown)
My brother-in-law gave up his job because of illness. His boss got sick of him (Henny Youngman)
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking (Jerry Seinfeld)
If a word in the dictionary was misspelled, how would we know? (Steven Wright)
I tell you, I don’t get no respect. The Surgeon General offered me a cigarette (Rodney Dangerfield)
The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner (Roseanne Barr)
In two weeks, I’ll review a book that purports to teach you to be funny. That’s tantalizing, isn’t it? Drop by to check it out.
Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-fifth grade and creator of two technology training books for middle school. She is the author of Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for five blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a weekly contributor to Write Anything and Technology in Education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
Filed under: book reviews, humor, writers resources, writing Tagged: comedy, humor, writing
How to be Funny if You're Not–Part I
I'm not funny. I try, but that gene was left out when God created me. But as a writer, I realize people like a sense of humor in a story. It's like butter on broccoli or honey on toast–the words just taste better. I wrote several articles in my quest for humor:
Is Your Character a College Student? Here's Their Dorm Room
Writer's Tip #31: 10 Great Ones from Roddy Doyle
Got Any Non-Geeks in Your Story? Read On
How To Describe a US Navy Character in Your Novel
How to Add Humor to Dull Characters
51 Great Similes to Spark Imagination
But what I really needed was to LEARN how to be funny. I started by writing down the funny one-liners I heard so I could adapt them to my story. That helped, but writers must be original so I bought a few books.
One is Comedy Thesaurus by Judy Brown (Quirk Books 2005). She organizes 3,241 'quips, quotes and smart*** remarks' alphabetically by topic, crediting the person who said it, so you can find one that fits your theme–topics like
beauty (There are a lot of good-looking men out there. But keep in mind that no matter how cute and sexy a guy is, there's always some woman somewhere who is sick of him)
elections (we have a presidential election coming up. And I think the big problem, of course, is someone will win)
occupations (I used to be a furniture salesman. Problem was, it was my own)
Here are some of the quips she recounts for readers:
When I gave birth, I had twins, my daughter and my husband. They were both immature and bald.
I love to sleep. It's the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious (Rita Rudner)
My husband is from England and has never seen a football game before. So I could tell him anything I wanted. I told him it was over at half time. (Rita Rudner–she's so funny)
I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog (Wendy Liebman)
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night. The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance e you'll wind up naked (Jerry Seinfeld)
I never drink coffee at work. It keeps me awake (Judy Brown)
My brother-in-law gave up his job because of illness. His boss got sick of him (Henny Youngman)
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking (Jerry Seinfeld)
If a word in the dictionary was misspelled, how would we know? (Steven Wright)
I tell you, I don't get no respect. The Surgeon General offered me a cigarette (Rodney Dangerfield)
The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner (Roseanne Barr)
Next, I'll review a book that purports to teach you to be funny. That's tantalizing, isn't it? Drop by next week to check it out.
Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-fifth grade and creator of two technology training books for middle school. She is the author of Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter's journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for five blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a weekly contributor to Write Anything and Technology in Education. Currently, she's editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
Filed under: book reviews, humor, writers resources, writing Tagged: comedy, humor, writing
April 10, 2012
Tech Tip for Writers #50: The Easiest Way to Outline
Tech Tips for Writers is an (almost) weekly post on overcoming Tech Dread. I'll cover issues that friends, both real-time and virtual, have shared. Feel free to post a comment about a question you have. I'll cover it in a future Tip.
Q: I always outline before I write my novel. What's an easy way to do that?
A: Outlining can't be easier than doing it in Word. Here's what you do:
Select the Numbered List or the Bullet List in MS Word. MS Word 2010 even lets you select the style up front. MS Word 2003–it's a bit more complicated
Your first bullet or number appears on the screen. Type your item
Push enter to add another number or bullet
To create a subpoint, push tab after you've pushed enter to start the next bullet/number
To push a subpoint up a level, push Shift tab after you've pushed enter for the next bullet/number
That's it–three keys:
bullet list or numbered list
tab to indent
Shift tab to exdent
The biggest problem is when you inadvertently get outside of the numbered/bullet list. If that happens, do one of two simple steps:
backspace until their cursor is up against the last bullet/number, then push enter to generate the next bullet/number
click the tool for bullet/numbered list and reactivate the list
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Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-sixth grade and creator of two technology training books for middle school. She is the author of Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter's journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for five blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a bi-weekly contributor to Write Anything. Currently, she's editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
Filed under: tech tips for writers Tagged: outlining, Word, writers tips
