How to Describe Sensory Actions
Sensory detail brings a scene alive for the reader. The taste, smell, visual, tactile and sound of your story’s world can do more to make it real than anything else. But you can’t say, ‘she heard’, ‘he tasted‘. That puts the reader outside the story, watching, not experiencing. We’re writers and must be much more creative about our presentation.
Here’s a list of prompts to get you thinking about what the senses actually feel like from the inside. These are from my own writing or novels I’ve read so don’t use them. Taste the words and recreate them with your own voice.
Voice
His voice trailed off, the conclusions inescapable
“who is it?” a whiskey-soaked voice asked
How does voice tell your story?
voice pinched
spoke in a hoarse whisper
said absently
voice clipped and filled with a dark edge
Made a muffled squeak
Fists balled tightly, eyes string blandly
weary resignation
hollow voice
she asked between bites of calamari
Had a little girl voice that stopped just short of lisping
Voice low and gravely
Voice detached and clinical
Voice thick with conviction, guilt,
Voice cracked and raw
Speaking in quiet tones
Hadn’t realized she was holding her breath
Said coolly
Breathy explosion of words
Her voice soft and measured like a guy trying to overcome a stutter
Tone weary, but cheerful
No, yes, maybe, I don’t know–shit!
Half smile in place like a casual piece of armor
“I don’t know.” Too rapid
He said it too fast and too loudly
Dropping into topics she cared passionately about but she didn’t comment
She yelped
I sense a but coming
Yes, she lied
Meaningless gibberish
Like what, I said around the bite
Chuckled in spite of himself
Quite a coincidence, his voice made it clear it was anything but
Said in a calm, unhurried voice
Jinn nodded, but it took him a moment to find his voice
The tone said order could prevail over chaos
Said absently as the printer spun out more paper
I beckon him to proceed
The playfulness fell away like a discarded cloak
Eyes
stared through him
What can eyes tell about the plot?
Looked left and right before starting
shadow passed over his eyes
Flicker in his eyes
Said without looking at him
focused on an empty space in the air between them
looked for a common theme, a thread of some sort
She frowned–couldn’t recall the incident
Heard little and cared less
Hovering over her shoulder
his eyes flattened
his face hardened in concentration
arched an eye brow
looked at me with a strangled expression
Thinking about my conversation with the old detective
shot a look over the top of his glasses
Squinted at the sun
Ears
ears strained to create a visual picture of what was happening behind her
Photo credit: FreakingNews.com
Sight
Eyed me as though his bullshit meter was ticking in the red zone.
An alertness in the eyes, behind the glasses that sat crookedly on the nose
Cold gaze fixed on the anxious young man
Sure, we know that, said Herrera, taking off his glasses to inspect the lenses.
He saw her eyes open wide in surprise and recognition.
Eyes bleary from surveillance and the two-hour drive
Vision narrowed to a pinprick
Eyes clouded
eyes locked on like magnets
four pairs of eyes blinked in unison
studied her with a predator’s unwavering attention
blinked a couple of time
eyes narrowed to slits
narrowed his eyes
eyes locked in a shared undestanding
Squinted out into the audience
yellow rimmed eyes narrowing
eyes turned inward
shook her head and stared at the pool
peered sightlessly at a wall
Staring sightlessly into the darkness
Stared off into the crowd but didn’t seem to see anything
Stared into the distance
Fixed expression
Looked at a place somewhere over his shoulder
Their eyes met, but he broke it off
meaningful eye contact
studied him with her level gaze
dark eyes radiated a fierce, uncompromising intelligence
rubbed raw eyes
his eyes flickered past me
eyes narrowed, she got a vertical wrinkle between her eyebrow
risked a peek
she screwed her eyes shut
stared brazenly into her eyes
eyes felt scratchy and I was jittery with coffee and raw from sleeplessness.
His eyes were never still and he never looked at me except in passing
Smell
Human
Anais anais
Her perfume smelled like jasmine.
Her hair smelled like crisp apples
All I could smell was my own human breath, my own human body and the faint metallic odor of blood
The smell of tobacco hung on him like a cloud
Smelling like they hadn’t bathed in a month
Outdoors
The air was full of the smell of burned rubber and hot brakes and gas and oil
Indoors
Malodor of dank concrete and compacted humanity no ventilator fan could ever drive out
The room smelling of tobacco and crumbling plaster and peeling wallpaper
smelled of mold and rug beer and food left rotting in the sink on crusted plates.
Emotion
they could smell it, couldn’t they? It was like booze on the breath
Smelled of desperation accumulated over the years
Any of your own favorites to add? I’d love to read them.
Jacqui Murray is the editor of a technology curriculum for K-fifth grade and creator of two technology training books for middle school. She is the author of Building a Midshipman, the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy midshipman. She is webmaster for five blogs, an Amazon Vine Voice book reviewer, a columnist for Examiner.com, Editorial Review Board member for Journal for Computing Teachers, IMS tech expert, and a weekly contributor to Write Anything and Technology in Education. Currently, she’s editing a thriller for her agent that should be out to publishers this summer. Contact Jacqui at her writing office or her tech lab, Ask a Tech Teacher.
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