AVIS Viswanathan's Blog, page 43

Possessor or possessed?

Are you in possession of something or is it in possession of you?
So very often we get attached to things. Every attachment fuels a desire to control. To possess. To own. Unknown to us, we end up being possessed by it! There are people who are worried about their status and prestige in society. To them, being humble, being ordinary, being vulnerable is suffering because they are constantly worried about what others will think about them. They no longer earn their status, they are controlled by having to keep it! Some are attached to their property, their car, their phones, their desks, their cameras and sometimes, to their opinions. Even attachment to an idea can cause suffering.
For instance, some have an idea that they will be happy subject to certain conditions being fulfilled. So, if those conditions are not met, they will be unhappy. This applies to habits too. Are you owning a packet of cigarettes or is it owning you__when you are in a no-smoking area and your mind is on the packet with you and on your craving to smoke, it is controlling your every thought, isn't it? There's a poem that describes The Buddha thus: "The Buddha is like a full moon sailing across an empty sky." Meaning that The Buddha's happiness was immense because he possessed nothing.

When our mental landscapes are full of things that we possess__ideas, material objects, opinions, habits, worries__we are no longer in charge of our lives. When we let go of every single thing we possess__physically, literally, figuratively and metaphorically__we will be blissful. This does not mean abdication. This means remaining detached so that we too can sail with abandon in the beauty of this wondrous Universe.

Happiness is always in the present

Whatever you do, give it your fullest attention. This is the only way to stop pursuing happiness and instead be happy.
If you are brushing your teeth, make sure you are thinking about your teeth and be grateful for the millions of times they have helped you nurture and nourish yourself with good food. When you are looking out of your plane window, admire the sky, the clouds, the sun, the moon, the stars and be grateful for this opportunity to change the way you look at this world. Every time you text, WhatsApp or place a call, thank the people behind all the telecom revolutions we have witnessed: from Bell to Motorola, without whom we would not be connected in this big world. While on this Page, just admire the fact that facebook has made possible what you always sought in Life – great friendships!

Giving attention is staying in the present. As Albert Einstein said, "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl isn't simply giving the kiss the attention it deserves". Give Life all your attention by living for and in the moment. Watch Life roll out a red carpet for you.  It is in the present that there is happiness.

From a weak-end Life to a perpetual weekend mode!

There isn't a situation called Monday Morning Blues or a disease called Monday Paralysis! It's all in our mind.
I saw a post on facebook, ostensibly a clipping from a newspaper, that “warned” people that today, January 19, 2015, was likely to be the year’s most “unhappy” day! Reason: people are likely to be faced with several downers from debt to low motivation levels. I humbly disagree. I don’t think any day can be unhappy as long as we learn to accept whatever is in our Life. Simple. When we accept what is, and learn to live with the Life that we have, we will be the happiness we seek! In fact, if we choose to work on what we love and love what we work on, we will be in a perpetual weekend mode. Of course, there is a need for all of us to do some clerical, administrative stuff__like paying bills, filing, running errands at home__some time each week. If we can assign two days of the week to do those things, and we work only on what we love at all other times, we can pretty much enjoy a 5-day weekend and have a 2-day week (when we do the boring, monotonous stuff).
But, how would I be able to do stuff that I love doing without letting it affect my income stream, you may argue? You are right. When you make a switch from doing what you don't exactly love__but you keep doing it to stay afloat, earn-a-living and survive__to what you love, there may well be a loss of income. But that will be only temporary. Once you operate from your inner core of joy, your earning potential, as much as your spiritual quotient, will multiply!

And instead of leading a weak-end Life, you will live in a perpetual weekend mode__enjoying the scenery, Working, Loving and Living!

Stay humble – interdependency is the name of the game!

The more we think we are exclusive, unique and superior, the more there is evidence that we are connected, inter-dependent and one.
When an actor's movie becomes a super hit, like Endhiran(ROBOT in Hindi, 2010, Shankar) did, it is easy to assume that Super Star Rajnikant is incredible. That he has caused the success of the film on his own might. But without a credible storyline, music, dialogues or direction, no actor can succeed. And that fact was proven with the flop of Rajni’s most recent Lingaa(2014, Shankar). Ironically, while the Super Star is down-to-earth and is humility personified when accolades are showered on him, and equally non-plussed when his films bomb, we often imagine we are Super Stars, the all-powerful, in-control drivers of our lives.
This is where we get it all wrong. Everything we do and need to live is coming from the toil of so many more people that we hardly think of. You wouldn't be reading this Thought, for instance, had it not been for the folks that maintain the internet, facebook, your broadband carrier and your electricity provider. Here I am not even talking of developing a sense of gratitude, which we must, but am highlighting how inter-dependent we are in this big, beautiful world. Swami Sathya Sai Baba says it so beautifully, "A coffee-shop owner who has a bad cold walks over to his next-door neighbor, the chemist, to buy a Saridon; and the chemist chooses to go over to the coffee shop for a hot, steaming cuppa when he has a headache."

So, there's no one out there who doesn't need anybody. Look closely at how we are connected and dependent on each other. Celebrate this inter-dependency.  Stay humble: because there are a lot of people that are working overtime to make you__and me__successful.

Being depressed for too long is an unevolved response to Life

If you are feeling depressed about Life please know that you are experiencing something normal. Just don’t allow the depression to pin you down and hold you hostage.
Recent media reports suggest that Bollywood star Deepika Padukone has talked about battling anxiety and depression last year. She reportedly felt a ‘strange emptiness’ in her Life and her close friend’s suicide only made matters worse for her. Deepika has said she shot for much of the climax for Happy New Year (2014, Farah Khan) feeling “this way”. Now, this confession by the actor may make some people wonder why she, of all people, has to be depressed. After all, doesn’t she have it all – a glamorous Life, success, money, a fairy-tale relationship with a co-star and what not? But that’s the way depression is – it strikes different people for different reasons. Even so the fundamental cause why people tend to feel depressed is the same – they are depressed when they don’t get what they want. Since people’s wants vary, the reasons for depression vary too. But since everyone out there has unfulfilled wants, depression is inevitable at some time in Life or the other in everyone’s Life.
The way to deal with depression is simple though. First accept that depression is a normal and natural response to not getting what you want in Life. Sometimes your wants may be well defined – money, a car, a vacation, a relationship, a child…whatever. Sometimes your wants may be tangible; you may have all the material wealth but what you may be looking for is something intangible – better understanding from family, inner peace, joy in the work you are doing and such. In either case, know that most often you will not get what you want in Life. So, feeling depressed over a want not being met, or granted, is a juvenile, unevolved response to Life. Now if you learn that the nature of Life is such that all your needs will be fulfilled, but never your wants, then you can rise above your depressed state and move on. But if you allow yourself to be depressed for too long, then suffering isn’t far away. Because depression is like a wave. If you stand there too long, you will be drowned by the high tide. Then depression will hold you hostage. This when you will not find motivation to do anything – to face people, to go to work, to believe in yourself or even to just be alone – by yourself. You will become irritable, you will grieve and you will suffer.
The first wave of depression is natural. But the second one is self-inflicted. You can’t avoid the first one. But you can ensure that you keep the second one away. Be wary of depression. For every second in your Life that you are depressed, you are not living. You are merely existing! A simple truth worth remembering when depression strikes you is that if you are not getting what you want, then perhaps, it is the way it is meant you be. Instead, simply, accept what is and go on with your Life.

Nothing is sinful in Life. Least of all, having sex!

There’s nothing wrong with consensual sex – even if it is pre-marital or extra-marital.  In fact, nothing is sinful in Life, as long as you don’t let it disturb your inner joy and peace.  
The debate over Tamil writer Perumal Murugan’s Madhorubhagan continues to make headlines – on social media and among the literati. The reason why the writer and his work, also translated in English as One Part Woman (Penguin), are being discussed is that Hindu organizations are seeking a ban on the book and want Murugan arrested. The protesters question the veracity of Murugan’s claim that an ancient ritual at the Arthanareeswarar temple in Thiruchengode (in Namakkal district, Tamil Nadu), during the annual Vaigasi Visagam chariot festival, allowed childless women to have consensual sex with men so that they could conceive. The ritual, per Murugan’s “research”, dates back to over a 100 years ago when assisted and alternate reproduction techniques were not around.
I haven’t read Madhorubhagan or its English translation. I have no interest in speaking for or against Murugan’s right of free speech or expression. My simple point is this: if indeed such a ritual existed, that helped men and women copulate in order to satiate a physical and biological need, what was wrong with either the idea or its practice? It is our collective pettiness and the designs of the self-anointed mandarins of religion on the one hand, and the pathetic prevalence of casteism on the other, that unnecessarily bring religion, God and morality into play, whenever sex is considered, discussed or indulged in.
I must share two perspectives here.
One is what Osho, the Master, has to say about sex. According to him, having sex, making love, is the most exalted form of expression of us humans. He has said: “Sex is a natural phenomenon. Don’t bring your metaphysics to it, don’t bring your religion to it. It has nothing to do with religion or metaphysics; it is a simple fact of Life. It is the way Life produces itself. It is as simple as the trees bringing flowers and fruits – you don’t condemn the flowers. Flowers are sex; it is through the flowers that the tree is sending its seeds, its potentiality, to other trees. When a peacock dances you don’t condemn it, but the dance is sex; it is to attract the female. When the cuckoo calls you don’t condemn it; it is sex. The cuckoo is simply declaring, ‘I am ready’. The cuckoo is simply calling forth the woman. The sound, the beautiful sound, is just a seduction; it is courtship. If you watch Life you will be surprised. The whole of Life is through sex. Life reproduces itself through sex. It is a natural phenomenon, don’t drag unnecessary rationalizations into it.”
The other is what we can learn from the Gen Y and Millennial generation folks. The latest issue of India Today, that has its annual sex survey on the cover, says that “sex is no big deal for the Indian teenager”. The survey reports that the age of first sexual encounter has dropped from 18~26 years in 2004 to 15~16 years in 2014, that 25 % of the surveyed teens have been sexually active (they have had sex more than once) and that cities rooted in conservative ethos – like Ahmedabad, Patna and Jaipur – are the ones that are most experimental when it comes to sex.

I believe that the average Indian teen or young adult is turning out to be far more practical than us “conservative, preachy” adults. Yes, teens do need orientation and guidance on how to handle their sex lives. But that seems like an easier challenge compared to changing the holier-than-thou attitude that adults bring to the subject. They muddle it up further by mixing religion, and undoubtedly politics too, with it. I will any day go with Osho’s unputdownable logic. Nothing is sinful in Life. Least of all, having sex! In fact, it is in the union of two people, when they lose each other to – and in – the orgasm, that they experience the divine. This moment, when the individuals cease to exist and a rare, raw, unifying energy consumes each of the partners, is when true, pure loving happens. To quote Osho, again, “Sex accepted, respected, lived, becomes love.” 

Learn to get better at dealing with problems

Your problems do have expiry dates – except you don’t know what they are! So the best you can do is to endure your problems patiently and, over time, get better at dealing with them.
When a problem lingers on, it is but natural to feel frustrated and depressed with the situation. After all, who wants a cancer that cannot be cured or who wants to be out of job for months on end or who wants a messy relationship that shows no signs of resolving? But feeling depressed because you have an enduring problem is of no use. It’s definitely not going to make your problem go away!
What you must realize is that, surely, each of your problems will end one day. The new problem however is that you can never have an idea when each one will end. So, the best way to deal with problems is to be patient, accept them for what they are, and keep relentlessly chipping away at them, trying to find solutions. Over time, even if your problem remains unresolved, you would have at least got better learning to deal with them. The other reality is that when one problem goes away another will appear – sooner than later. Such is the nature of Life. You can’t ever expect a phase in your Life when you will have no problems.

Living intelligently is really the art of being happy despite your problems, despite your circumstances. That art, like any other, can be developed with consistent practice. A deeper awareness of the impermanence of everything, including Life itself, definitely helps. So, stop wanting to either solve all your problems or wanting to know when you can be rid of them. Just do what you can do best in every (problem) situation; over time, watch yourself getting better at dealing with your Life and your problems, and simply be happy! 

An unalterable reality: dealing with detractors is a part of Life!

There’s no point in killing your creativity and stifling who you are to please others. You live when you do what you love doing. If you stop doing that, then you merely exist, you don’t live!
The Tamil writer Perumal Murugan is in the eye of storm in Tamil Nadu. One of his works, Madhorubhagan, has come under fire from Hindu outfits who feel it should be banned and Murugan arrested. The book has also been translated into English by Penguin and is titled One Part Woman. The fundamentalists allege that it shows Lord Shiva in poor light. Murugan, on the other hand, has been defending his work saying it is a love story of a couple, Kali and Ponna, who are unable to conceive a child. Societal pressures cast a shadow on their relationship and Murugan tells their story set in Thiruchengode of the past.
Over the last couple of weeks the protests over Murugan’s book have turned ugly – copies of Madhorubhagan have been burnt and the decibel level against Murugan has been high. Yesterday Murugan, in utter frustration, decided to quit writing altogether. “Perumal Murugan, the writer is dead. As he is no God, he is not going to resurrect himself. He also has no faith in rebirth. An ordinary teacher, he will live as P. Murugan. Leave him alone,” he posted on his facebook Page.
To me, Murugan’s reaction is emotional. This will only accentuate his pain and prolong his suffering. This is a classic case of inability to deal with people who practice value systems that are different from your own. So, you end up quitting in a huff. You want to sacrifice your joy, in an act of inverted martyrdom, in the hope that your action will appeal emotionally to the conscience of your detractors. The brutal truth is it will not. Please understand that if someone is your detractor, it is only because that someone has a different value system than your own, has few or no scruples, and has a conscience which is on an endless vacation. Appealing to or trying to communicate with such people is trying to do a data transfer between two devices via Bluetooth, when one of the device’s Bluetooth option is turned off or is simply not turning on. It is from personal experience that I say that inverted martyrdom does not work. I have voluntarily sacrificed opportunities, entitlements and given up what’s legitimately due to me because I have wanted to emotionally appeal to people who were playing plain dirty. And every time I did that, I was hoping that my actions would transform them. But each time my efforts came to a naught and I ended up giving up on what was logically, legitimately mine. Inverted martyrdom is the act of sacrifice that people indulge in to prove a point, to demonstrate their goodness and righteousness to the world around them. Unfortunately, inverted martyrdom achieves nothing – it is like talking to wall. You just end up berating yourself!
Murugan has done precisely that. His decision to give up writing – something which gave him joy and which was his very Life – is something he must seriously review. In fact, in a recent interview to Akila Kannadasan of The Hindu, Murugan has said, “I am a writer first. I started teaching since I couldn’t make a living out of writing. Writing is my jeevan (Life). Teaching is my jeevanam (bread and butter).”

The Murugan drama offers us all, who are dealing with detractors in some context or the other all the time, a valuable lesson: Dealing with detractors is a part of Life . You simply can’t escape it. And it definitely is part of walking the road less trodden, or taking the creative path. Remember that your detractors revel in making you feel weak and impotent. You don’t need to necessarily fight them. Because to fight them you have to stoop to their levels. And that’s what will weaken you. Instead, you just need to stand there and keep doing what you always do – which is, live your Life fully, do what you love doing and refuse to cower, refuse to capitulate. In the face of integrity of Purpose, I have discovered, no destabilizing force can ever thrive. And integrity of Purpose is the ability to go on, no matter what challenges you are faced with, doing what you love doing.  

In Life, don’t seek permissions, take decisions!

You don’t need anyone’s permission to live your Life. You just need to make the decison – and simply liveyour Life!
The other night I watched the much acclaimed Hindi movie Highway (2014, Imitiaz Ali, Alia Bhatt, Randeep Hooda) on TV. It’s the story of a girl, Veera Tripathi (Alia Bhatt), who is abducted and begins to love being held hostage. She feels so because she feels free – and secure – in the presence of her captor. Her own Life, until she was abducted, was like the way a bird’s Life is in a golden cage. Her captor takes her on road trip, trying to avoid the cops who are looking for them, up in the mountains. In one memorable scene, the Veera (Bhatt is brilliant here) is awestruck by the sheer power and beauty of a stream rushing down the hills. She is unable to describe how she feels. So she simply wrings her hand and gasps in disbelief. Later on in the film she tells her parents how ironical her Life has turned out to be – that she feels like a hostage, suffocated and buttoned in, in their presence, in her “home”; yet, she feels “free” in her captor’s presence, though she really is a hostage being held to ransom. She finally chooses the other Life and declares her intent to go away from home saying that she needs nobody’s permission, that she really wants to live her Life, her way.

Veera in Ali’s Highway personifies each one of us – you, me, every one. If you examine your Life closely, you will realize that you are living much of it for others. And not for yourself. You are very subconsciously trapped in family, social and professional commitments. You want to be living a different Life, doing what you love doing, but you can’t peel off from the Life you have chosen because of the responsibilities that have been dumped on you. Now if you were content with that Life it is fine. But like Veera, you too are suffering. Not everyone will be lucky in encountering a captor who will pry your soul open and help you touch and feel Life. You have to decide for yourself. And the sooner you do that, the longer you will enjoy your Life! Simple. So, if you are not enjoying the Life that you have, go live the one you want to. Don’t sit there and complain. Remember: if you grieve, complain and suffer, you have only yourself to blame.   Because, you need no one’s permission to live your Life! 

To celebrate Life, just Let It!

Let It? Yes! We need to move from a state of Let Go to a state of Let It to experience the beauty and magic of Life!
Many people say letting go is tough! Let Go does mean that you are holding on to something and letting go connotes attachment, pain and a struggle to attain detachment! But letting Life do what it pleases is a simple, magnificent way of celebrating Life. Where you don’t become a party to Life’s trials, tribulations, vicissitudes and vagaries, but are just an observer.
Swami Sathya Sai Baba, whom I have never met, but always experienced, taught me this practice of just letting Life do what it pleases. One of his simplest, yet most profound, teachings says: “You just Let It! Let problems come. Let problems go. Let happiness come. Let happiness go. Let debt come. Let debt go. Let grief come. Let grief go. Let death come. Let death go. Just Let It!” I struggled with the concept initially. But soon discovered that only when you are party to something are you in grief. When you are a witness, there is a momentary disturbance, but you are quickly reminded by your soul that you are a not involved! When something goes wrong with your child, you are stressed out. You are anxious. You want a resolution. When something goes wrong with a neighbor’s child, you profess concern, you lend a shoulder, you support but do not get involved or attached. So can you look at your own Life like the way you would look at your neighbor’s? Can you be a mere observer? A bystander? When you are in that state will you realize that this whole lifetime is a celebration.
You can expunge the darkness that engulfs your soul, because of debilitating emotions like anger, grief, guilt, fear, anxiety, worry and such, by choosing not to get involved with your Life. It doesn’t mean you should not live, you should not act. Of course you must act and do what you can, and what you think you must, in any given situation! Just don’t get involved. For example, in a fractious family situation, in which I find myself embroiled just now, I made an attempt to speak up and make people see reason. I would have done injustice to my Life and my family if I had not spoken up. The act of speaking up was mine. But the outcome has been Life’s. And it has been disastrous. More insult and ignominy have been heaped on me. The family has been pushed farther away from coming together and being at peace! I don’t grieve the outcome though. I know it is not ‘my’ outcome. Because I let Life lead the outcome. I just let it. And I celebrate the light, the joy, the song in my soul!

This is not at all difficult. It is outright simple. If I can, you too can let it! When you are involved, is when attachment will come. And where there is attachment there will be agony. But if you are a mere witness, an observer, a doer of what you can and what you must, and let Life lead, you will be in a non-stop celebration called your Life! Try it with your Life! Just Let It! Celebrate!