AVIS Viswanathan's Blog, page 4
February 12, 2016
‘Chop Wood, Carry Water, Be Happy’
Is it really possible to be happy despiteyour circumstances?
A reader, commenting on my blogpost from a couple of days ago, said: “"Being in the present" and "living within" are the attributes of a finely-tuned mind that has broken the shackles of the mundane day-to-day existence.” He was of the view that this was not easy to achieve and that it involves a lot of hard work.
Indeed. I am reminded of what a factory hand in Pune, who was attending a workshop on “Taking the elevator to Happiness” that I was leading some years ago, had to say: “Bhaashan se Raashan nahin bharta, Sahib!”(“Sir, ‘philosophical’ speeches can’t help us buy groceries/rations to run the household.”) True that. Understanding Life better cannot solve your problems. You still have to work hard, and consistently, on them. But what a better understanding can do is help you deal with Life’s upheavals better. More important, it can help you deal with them peacefully, happily!
Surely, there is no set way to live Life – so no way can be called right or wrong. Living Life completely – facing, accepting and dealing with what you are given – is the way ! This is what I have learned from Zen teachings. Zen is not a philosophy. Because philosophy still operates at a mind level. And Zen goes beyond the mind. Zen draws you out of the mind, further, higher. So, when confronted with Life’s inscrutable challenges, you are invited to experience them fully, while learning to transcend them over a period of time – by training the mind – to be able to reach a ‘witness’ stage, to be merely an observer of your own Life. This does not mean inaction. This is a lot of action, a lot of hard work. Obviously, when you try to address a challenge you are facing, you work on finding a solution. If the solution works, great. When the solution doesn’t work, what do you do? You get angry, frustrated, sad, fearful – Zen teaches you to get past these debilitating emotions and experience the true nature of your creation. It helps you understand that everything – including your own Life – is transient, impermanent.
Zen is awareness. Of just the present moment. Being aware does not mean a past hurt, guilt or memory will not rise in the mind. It does not also mean that a worry, of something that is likely to happen in the future, will not arise in the mind. The nature of the mind is that it can only live in the past or the future. The mind knows no present. And Zen teaches you to transcend the mind, go past its treacherous ways, and anchor yourself in the present. In the now.
This is what happens to us when we are in nature’s lap. Each of us must have experienced that rare moment of completely losing ourselves to an ocean’s vastness or a mountains majestic beauty. Or sometimes losing ourselves to an art form that we cherish – like painting, cooking, music or writing. In those rare moments, you have lost your identity as so-and-so, with such-and-such problems, and have united with the Universal energy. Zen teaches you that this is possible in everyday Life too! Which is why, when a Zen Master was asked, “What is Zen?” he replied: “Chopping Wood, Carrying Water”. These were everyday chores, even for a Master, in those days. And the import is that you have to be “immersed” in whatever you are doing in that moment without letting your mind wander into the past or the future. So, irrespective of what you are doing – or going through – be in it fully.
Image Courtesy: Internet
Copyright with original creatorMy experience is that you can be in the throes of a challenge and still be happy if you choose to be. Owing to our bankruptcy, and an inexplicable set of professional challenges, we have a lot of debt on us as a family, and absolute cashless-ness at most times. It is not that I don’t feel responsible or that I don’t recognize the enormity of the task ahead – of rebuilding our business and repaying our creditors – of us. It is not that fear and insecurity – or even the guilt of having caused this financial mess – do not arise in my mind. But my awareness helps me gets past those thoughts, and helps me take actions that I must take every single moment, each day. When my actions don’t bear fruit – as they haven’t over several years – my awareness again helps me stay anchored and get past the grief that failure often brings with it. I sleep well each night and wake up the next day to do another round of ‘chopping wood and carrying water’.
I am not sure I am “successful” with Life, but surely, I am peaceful living it! This may not be the only way to live. This may not even be the best way – may well be contestable, arguable and even admonishable. But it has helped me__and Vaani__stay anchored and peaceful through tumultuous times. Important, we have learned to ‘chop wood, carry water, immerse ourselves in each moment and be happy’!
A reader, commenting on my blogpost from a couple of days ago, said: “"Being in the present" and "living within" are the attributes of a finely-tuned mind that has broken the shackles of the mundane day-to-day existence.” He was of the view that this was not easy to achieve and that it involves a lot of hard work.
Indeed. I am reminded of what a factory hand in Pune, who was attending a workshop on “Taking the elevator to Happiness” that I was leading some years ago, had to say: “Bhaashan se Raashan nahin bharta, Sahib!”(“Sir, ‘philosophical’ speeches can’t help us buy groceries/rations to run the household.”) True that. Understanding Life better cannot solve your problems. You still have to work hard, and consistently, on them. But what a better understanding can do is help you deal with Life’s upheavals better. More important, it can help you deal with them peacefully, happily!
Surely, there is no set way to live Life – so no way can be called right or wrong. Living Life completely – facing, accepting and dealing with what you are given – is the way ! This is what I have learned from Zen teachings. Zen is not a philosophy. Because philosophy still operates at a mind level. And Zen goes beyond the mind. Zen draws you out of the mind, further, higher. So, when confronted with Life’s inscrutable challenges, you are invited to experience them fully, while learning to transcend them over a period of time – by training the mind – to be able to reach a ‘witness’ stage, to be merely an observer of your own Life. This does not mean inaction. This is a lot of action, a lot of hard work. Obviously, when you try to address a challenge you are facing, you work on finding a solution. If the solution works, great. When the solution doesn’t work, what do you do? You get angry, frustrated, sad, fearful – Zen teaches you to get past these debilitating emotions and experience the true nature of your creation. It helps you understand that everything – including your own Life – is transient, impermanent.
Zen is awareness. Of just the present moment. Being aware does not mean a past hurt, guilt or memory will not rise in the mind. It does not also mean that a worry, of something that is likely to happen in the future, will not arise in the mind. The nature of the mind is that it can only live in the past or the future. The mind knows no present. And Zen teaches you to transcend the mind, go past its treacherous ways, and anchor yourself in the present. In the now.
This is what happens to us when we are in nature’s lap. Each of us must have experienced that rare moment of completely losing ourselves to an ocean’s vastness or a mountains majestic beauty. Or sometimes losing ourselves to an art form that we cherish – like painting, cooking, music or writing. In those rare moments, you have lost your identity as so-and-so, with such-and-such problems, and have united with the Universal energy. Zen teaches you that this is possible in everyday Life too! Which is why, when a Zen Master was asked, “What is Zen?” he replied: “Chopping Wood, Carrying Water”. These were everyday chores, even for a Master, in those days. And the import is that you have to be “immersed” in whatever you are doing in that moment without letting your mind wander into the past or the future. So, irrespective of what you are doing – or going through – be in it fully. 
Image Courtesy: InternetCopyright with original creatorMy experience is that you can be in the throes of a challenge and still be happy if you choose to be. Owing to our bankruptcy, and an inexplicable set of professional challenges, we have a lot of debt on us as a family, and absolute cashless-ness at most times. It is not that I don’t feel responsible or that I don’t recognize the enormity of the task ahead – of rebuilding our business and repaying our creditors – of us. It is not that fear and insecurity – or even the guilt of having caused this financial mess – do not arise in my mind. But my awareness helps me gets past those thoughts, and helps me take actions that I must take every single moment, each day. When my actions don’t bear fruit – as they haven’t over several years – my awareness again helps me stay anchored and get past the grief that failure often brings with it. I sleep well each night and wake up the next day to do another round of ‘chopping wood and carrying water’.
I am not sure I am “successful” with Life, but surely, I am peaceful living it! This may not be the only way to live. This may not even be the best way – may well be contestable, arguable and even admonishable. But it has helped me__and Vaani__stay anchored and peaceful through tumultuous times. Important, we have learned to ‘chop wood, carry water, immerse ourselves in each moment and be happy’!
Thoughts on managing desire, hmm, over a glass of whisky! :)
Every time you desire something examine whether you need it or you want it
Photo Courtesy: InternetI usually don’t drink on week days – but indulge on most weekends! But, yesterday, although it was a week day, I sat in front of the TV nursing a glass of whisky. My daughter gestured to me quizzically – meaning “What’s going on?” – when she returned home from work. I so love my Royal Challenge – given that I can’t quiet afford Scotch whiskies or exquisite Single Malts. And when I do have a drink, I have a few of them and thoroughly enjoy myself!
But my daughter’s expression led me, besides indulging, to reflect on why we desire something. Did I not desire the whisky in the first place, even before I had it? Is desiring wrong? Can desires be avoided by resisting them?
Every scripture in the world will tell you that desire is at the root of all our unhappiness. But it is also intrinsic to human nature that we desire. And obviously it is not about my whisky alone. As human beings we desire anything and everything – from cars to new phones to sex to revenge! So, is there a way we can understand how to control or, at least, manage our desires.
Yes, there is a way. I have learned from experience that the way to deal with desire is to not resist it but to understand it, appreciate it and make an intelligent choice – every single time. Desire cannot be dropped. Because desire is an energy. And energy cannot be destroyed. When the energy, the desire arises, go it its root and understand it. Do you need what you desire or do you want it? If you need it, go for it. If you want it, you can still go for it, but absolve yourself of all guilt. Make a free choice by remaining alert, being mindful and by practicing awareness.
I lean to Osho, the Master, for a better understanding of the anatomy of desire. Osho says the energy behind desire and the energy behind creation, existence, are one and the same. He quotes from the Eastern scriptures where legend has it that God had a great desire. To expand beyond himself. And so, in order to grow from one to many, he let his desire create us__humans. So, fundamentally, all desire is about expanding oneself because we are all an offshoot of the same creative energy. Fighting desire, therefore, means fighting with ourselves. No desire is bad unless you succumb to it and it starts to enslave you. And nothing must be succumbed to. And nothing must be allowed to enslave us. We must not capitulate but we must choose freely. When a desire, let us say to smoke, to drink, to eat an additional gulab jamun, to have sex, to get angry, to feel frustrated, to be jealous, whatever, arises, look at the desire not as if you are desiring it but as a third person. As an observer. Understand the desire with your awareness. Where there is awareness, there will be prudence. It is only when we are blinded that we succumb mindlessly to our desires.
When we stay alert, we will always be able to deal with the desire intelligently, effortlessly __ perhaps, even overcome it by letting go of it; or perhaps, choosing it consciously.
Photo Courtesy: InternetI usually don’t drink on week days – but indulge on most weekends! But, yesterday, although it was a week day, I sat in front of the TV nursing a glass of whisky. My daughter gestured to me quizzically – meaning “What’s going on?” – when she returned home from work. I so love my Royal Challenge – given that I can’t quiet afford Scotch whiskies or exquisite Single Malts. And when I do have a drink, I have a few of them and thoroughly enjoy myself! But my daughter’s expression led me, besides indulging, to reflect on why we desire something. Did I not desire the whisky in the first place, even before I had it? Is desiring wrong? Can desires be avoided by resisting them?
Every scripture in the world will tell you that desire is at the root of all our unhappiness. But it is also intrinsic to human nature that we desire. And obviously it is not about my whisky alone. As human beings we desire anything and everything – from cars to new phones to sex to revenge! So, is there a way we can understand how to control or, at least, manage our desires.
Yes, there is a way. I have learned from experience that the way to deal with desire is to not resist it but to understand it, appreciate it and make an intelligent choice – every single time. Desire cannot be dropped. Because desire is an energy. And energy cannot be destroyed. When the energy, the desire arises, go it its root and understand it. Do you need what you desire or do you want it? If you need it, go for it. If you want it, you can still go for it, but absolve yourself of all guilt. Make a free choice by remaining alert, being mindful and by practicing awareness.
I lean to Osho, the Master, for a better understanding of the anatomy of desire. Osho says the energy behind desire and the energy behind creation, existence, are one and the same. He quotes from the Eastern scriptures where legend has it that God had a great desire. To expand beyond himself. And so, in order to grow from one to many, he let his desire create us__humans. So, fundamentally, all desire is about expanding oneself because we are all an offshoot of the same creative energy. Fighting desire, therefore, means fighting with ourselves. No desire is bad unless you succumb to it and it starts to enslave you. And nothing must be succumbed to. And nothing must be allowed to enslave us. We must not capitulate but we must choose freely. When a desire, let us say to smoke, to drink, to eat an additional gulab jamun, to have sex, to get angry, to feel frustrated, to be jealous, whatever, arises, look at the desire not as if you are desiring it but as a third person. As an observer. Understand the desire with your awareness. Where there is awareness, there will be prudence. It is only when we are blinded that we succumb mindlessly to our desires.
When we stay alert, we will always be able to deal with the desire intelligently, effortlessly __ perhaps, even overcome it by letting go of it; or perhaps, choosing it consciously.
February 10, 2016
You carry a hurt only as long as you think about it
By letting go of your hurt, transform it into forgiveness!
Bollywood actor Tabu’s new movie Fitoor (Abhishek Kapoor) is releasing this week. She apparently plays a bitter, vengeful character. The New Indian Express’ Anita Britto asked Tabu, as part of a pre-release interview, if, in real Life, she was as vindictive as her onscreen character. “When hurt and deeply betrayed, only revenge can give you happiness. The great concept of forgiveness is not easy. It is great if you can forgive, but you are in a place to forgive only when you don’t feel hurt,” replied Tabu.
While I don’t agree that revenge can give anyone happiness, I do believe that forgiveness happens when there is no hurt.
It is important to understand why you feel hurt when someone lets you down or causes you pain, injury and grief. Of course any form of pain – physical or emotional – will hurt. But a hurt festers in you because you allow it to. The truth is that you hurt only when you allow someone’s action to stay with you, in your thoughts. When you let go of your anger, of your suffering, while the source (or impact) of pain – as a person or event – may remain, you will not hurt anymore.
You can reach this level of evolution if you understand the futility of hurting and being vengeful. What is the point with either? Someone has wronged you. And they have done it only because they saw it as right. Your getting even with them will only make you suffer more. It is not going to make them any better or realize that they have wronged you. Instead, they are going to retaliate. And then the process of vengeance is will go on and on, never ending.
Osho used to tell a story that so beautifully illustrated the need to replace hatred and vengeance with love and forgiveness. One of the greatest Sufi mystics was Rabiya al-Adabiya, a woman who was known for her very eccentric behavior. But in all her eccentric behavior there was a great insight. Once, another Sufi mystic, Hasan, was staying with Rabiya. Because he was going to stay with Rabiya, he had not brought his own copy of the holy Koran. He thought he could borrow Rabiya's holy Koran. In the morning he asked Rabiya for the holy Koranand she gave him her copy. He could not believe his eyes when he opened the Koran. He saw something which no Muslim could accept: in many places Rabiya had corrected it. It is the greatest sin as far as Islam is concerned; the Koranis the word of God according to them. How can you change it? How can you even think that you can make God’s teaching better? Not only had she changed it, she had even cut out a few words, a few lines – she had removed them.Hasan said to her, "Rabiya, somebody has destroyed your Koran!" Rabiya said, "Don't be stupid, nobody can touch my Koran. What you are looking at is my doing." Hasan asked, "But how could you do such a thing?" She replied, "I had to do it, there was no way out. For example, look here: the Koran says, ‘When you see the devil, hate him.’ Since I have become awakened I cannot find any hate within me. Even if the devil stands in front of me I can only shower him with my love, because I don't have anything else left. It does not matter whether God stands in front of me, or the devil; both will receive the same love. All that I have is love; hate has disappeared. The moment hate disappeared from me I had to make changes in my copy of the holy Koran. If you have not changed your Koran, that simply means you have not arrived in the space where only love remains."I have not read the Koran. I am not even sure if this story is true. But I believe that its essence is unputdownable. The story reminds us to replace hurt and hatred with love. For ourselves and for those that let us down. You carry a hurt as long as you think about the person that caused it as someone who has wronged you. Instead think of that someone as one who is lost in Life. Who knows not what he or she is doing. And then watch your anger, your hurt, transform into something beautiful and liberating – forgiveness!
Bollywood actor Tabu’s new movie Fitoor (Abhishek Kapoor) is releasing this week. She apparently plays a bitter, vengeful character. The New Indian Express’ Anita Britto asked Tabu, as part of a pre-release interview, if, in real Life, she was as vindictive as her onscreen character. “When hurt and deeply betrayed, only revenge can give you happiness. The great concept of forgiveness is not easy. It is great if you can forgive, but you are in a place to forgive only when you don’t feel hurt,” replied Tabu.
While I don’t agree that revenge can give anyone happiness, I do believe that forgiveness happens when there is no hurt.
It is important to understand why you feel hurt when someone lets you down or causes you pain, injury and grief. Of course any form of pain – physical or emotional – will hurt. But a hurt festers in you because you allow it to. The truth is that you hurt only when you allow someone’s action to stay with you, in your thoughts. When you let go of your anger, of your suffering, while the source (or impact) of pain – as a person or event – may remain, you will not hurt anymore. You can reach this level of evolution if you understand the futility of hurting and being vengeful. What is the point with either? Someone has wronged you. And they have done it only because they saw it as right. Your getting even with them will only make you suffer more. It is not going to make them any better or realize that they have wronged you. Instead, they are going to retaliate. And then the process of vengeance is will go on and on, never ending.
Osho used to tell a story that so beautifully illustrated the need to replace hatred and vengeance with love and forgiveness. One of the greatest Sufi mystics was Rabiya al-Adabiya, a woman who was known for her very eccentric behavior. But in all her eccentric behavior there was a great insight. Once, another Sufi mystic, Hasan, was staying with Rabiya. Because he was going to stay with Rabiya, he had not brought his own copy of the holy Koran. He thought he could borrow Rabiya's holy Koran. In the morning he asked Rabiya for the holy Koranand she gave him her copy. He could not believe his eyes when he opened the Koran. He saw something which no Muslim could accept: in many places Rabiya had corrected it. It is the greatest sin as far as Islam is concerned; the Koranis the word of God according to them. How can you change it? How can you even think that you can make God’s teaching better? Not only had she changed it, she had even cut out a few words, a few lines – she had removed them.Hasan said to her, "Rabiya, somebody has destroyed your Koran!" Rabiya said, "Don't be stupid, nobody can touch my Koran. What you are looking at is my doing." Hasan asked, "But how could you do such a thing?" She replied, "I had to do it, there was no way out. For example, look here: the Koran says, ‘When you see the devil, hate him.’ Since I have become awakened I cannot find any hate within me. Even if the devil stands in front of me I can only shower him with my love, because I don't have anything else left. It does not matter whether God stands in front of me, or the devil; both will receive the same love. All that I have is love; hate has disappeared. The moment hate disappeared from me I had to make changes in my copy of the holy Koran. If you have not changed your Koran, that simply means you have not arrived in the space where only love remains."I have not read the Koran. I am not even sure if this story is true. But I believe that its essence is unputdownable. The story reminds us to replace hurt and hatred with love. For ourselves and for those that let us down. You carry a hurt as long as you think about the person that caused it as someone who has wronged you. Instead think of that someone as one who is lost in Life. Who knows not what he or she is doing. And then watch your anger, your hurt, transform into something beautiful and liberating – forgiveness!
February 9, 2016
Reflections on Life, love and loving on a 27th Anniversary!
Companionship makes this short journey called Life beautiful!
Faqt Char Din Ki Zindagi Hai Yeh, Mere Humdum Kisi Ko Saath Le Lena, Kisi Ke Saath Chal Dena
- Nida Fazli, Urdu Poet, 1938 ~ 2016
Today is my wedding anniversary with Vaani! 27 years may seem like a long time. But for Vaani and me, it is not.
Vaani & AVIS: 1988For us, since we met in October 1987, these 28+ years of knowing each other and 27 years of living together, have always been a ‘happening’ time. It is always in the present continuous. The first meeting, the first date, the first gift, the first touch...none of these is an event of the past or a distant memory…everything seems like it is still happening to us. And that, I believe, is an incredible blessing!
Indeed, finding love in Life is a blessing. Loving someone is not about marrying that person. It is not about providing and protecting. It is about a special friendship. It is about being there, no matter what happens. In the initial years of knowing each other, when Vaani and I were much younger, our physical presence with each other surely mattered a lot. We have kissed each other on public transport and have waited long spells for the other to join at meal times. I remember on my first overseas trip, to Tokyo in 1991, in an era when there was no WhatsApp or Facebook, I wept like a baby while calling Vaani over phone; I was missing her a lot. With the years going by, I am delighted to share, that intensity of longing and belonging has not diminished even a wee bit. Yet, we seem to have transcended the physicality of our relationship. We have blended, and remain, as soul-mates.
Vaani & AVIS: 2008To be sure, the past decade has been tumultuous for us as a family and as a couple. Everything material has been taken away from us – work, business, money, gadgets, cars, gold jewelery, investments, insurance….everything that we once owned has gone away. We haven’t even been able to buy each other anniversary gifts – something that’s considered normal and customary – these past few years, and this year too, because we can’t afford them! Yet, despite the excruciating circumstances of a painful bankruptcy, between spells of pennilessness and those few times of finding some work, or money, to keep our nose above water, we have learnt to count on each other’s strength. That strength, to me, is the key to our special friendship, to our companionship.
Labels such as spouse are restrictive – there’s an unnecessary social and legal context that they bring along. Companionship requires no approval or consent. To me Vaani is my best friend. Someone who, I know, will be there no matter what I do or how I look. And I am sure Vaani feels for me the same way too. Even so, it is not as if we don’t disagree or critique each other. We do. I have taken liberties with her – thrown stuff around the house in bouts of frustration or have sulked at times when I have not been able to solve or address the problems that we are faced with. But Vaani’s style of leadership has been very empowering. She has always given me the time and space to sort myself out. I am a year+ younger than she is, but she treats me like an equal. And that’s what good friendship is all about, isn’t it? We have followed a simple, unstated, principle all these years: we never tell each other ‘I told you so!’Which is, we may differ on approaches and views, but when we move forward, we are together in it. We don’t display any one-upmanship or indulge in blame games. That’s how we have been able to face what Life has thrown at us, that’s how we have hung on to each other on this incredible roller-coaster that we are on (much of it is chronicled in my Book ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’/Westland, 2014; and in this film ‘Rise In Love’).
Vaani & AVIS: 2011When I see so many relationships struggling around us, I feel that people are missing the companionship, that once was, between them. People drift apart from each other after falling in love and getting married because they have this tendency to subconsciously compartmentalize their lives – one part that was before the marriage and the other part that is after the marriage. So, in essence, the event of a marriage places a full stop; it pronounces the end of one phase of the relationship and begins another. This full stop is totally unnecessary. The truth about Life is that everything new, over time, will start seeming and feeling old. In the upheavals of everyday Life, therefore, romance does receive lower priority because the courtship is over, the marriage is done, dusted – and in some cases, sadly, dead too. That’s precisely why people who fall in love, fall out of love too. But what if you were to imagine that the marriage never took place? Won’t the loving be continuous then? That’s the way Vaani and I treat our Life – we married to fulfil social requirements, period. But we never see our marriage as a defining, epochal event. So, our companionship thrives; so, our loving is ongoing, it is flowing.
The key to great companionship is to never let marriage take the center stage. Treat marriage, if at all you must marry, like just another date in your courtship calendar. Then the journey together, no matter what the circumstances you both are faced with, will be a continuous, never-ending celebration!
Faqt Char Din Ki Zindagi Hai Yeh, Mere Humdum Kisi Ko Saath Le Lena, Kisi Ke Saath Chal Dena
- Nida Fazli, Urdu Poet, 1938 ~ 2016
Today is my wedding anniversary with Vaani! 27 years may seem like a long time. But for Vaani and me, it is not.
Vaani & AVIS: 1988For us, since we met in October 1987, these 28+ years of knowing each other and 27 years of living together, have always been a ‘happening’ time. It is always in the present continuous. The first meeting, the first date, the first gift, the first touch...none of these is an event of the past or a distant memory…everything seems like it is still happening to us. And that, I believe, is an incredible blessing!Indeed, finding love in Life is a blessing. Loving someone is not about marrying that person. It is not about providing and protecting. It is about a special friendship. It is about being there, no matter what happens. In the initial years of knowing each other, when Vaani and I were much younger, our physical presence with each other surely mattered a lot. We have kissed each other on public transport and have waited long spells for the other to join at meal times. I remember on my first overseas trip, to Tokyo in 1991, in an era when there was no WhatsApp or Facebook, I wept like a baby while calling Vaani over phone; I was missing her a lot. With the years going by, I am delighted to share, that intensity of longing and belonging has not diminished even a wee bit. Yet, we seem to have transcended the physicality of our relationship. We have blended, and remain, as soul-mates.
Vaani & AVIS: 2008To be sure, the past decade has been tumultuous for us as a family and as a couple. Everything material has been taken away from us – work, business, money, gadgets, cars, gold jewelery, investments, insurance….everything that we once owned has gone away. We haven’t even been able to buy each other anniversary gifts – something that’s considered normal and customary – these past few years, and this year too, because we can’t afford them! Yet, despite the excruciating circumstances of a painful bankruptcy, between spells of pennilessness and those few times of finding some work, or money, to keep our nose above water, we have learnt to count on each other’s strength. That strength, to me, is the key to our special friendship, to our companionship.Labels such as spouse are restrictive – there’s an unnecessary social and legal context that they bring along. Companionship requires no approval or consent. To me Vaani is my best friend. Someone who, I know, will be there no matter what I do or how I look. And I am sure Vaani feels for me the same way too. Even so, it is not as if we don’t disagree or critique each other. We do. I have taken liberties with her – thrown stuff around the house in bouts of frustration or have sulked at times when I have not been able to solve or address the problems that we are faced with. But Vaani’s style of leadership has been very empowering. She has always given me the time and space to sort myself out. I am a year+ younger than she is, but she treats me like an equal. And that’s what good friendship is all about, isn’t it? We have followed a simple, unstated, principle all these years: we never tell each other ‘I told you so!’Which is, we may differ on approaches and views, but when we move forward, we are together in it. We don’t display any one-upmanship or indulge in blame games. That’s how we have been able to face what Life has thrown at us, that’s how we have hung on to each other on this incredible roller-coaster that we are on (much of it is chronicled in my Book ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’/Westland, 2014; and in this film ‘Rise In Love’).
Vaani & AVIS: 2011When I see so many relationships struggling around us, I feel that people are missing the companionship, that once was, between them. People drift apart from each other after falling in love and getting married because they have this tendency to subconsciously compartmentalize their lives – one part that was before the marriage and the other part that is after the marriage. So, in essence, the event of a marriage places a full stop; it pronounces the end of one phase of the relationship and begins another. This full stop is totally unnecessary. The truth about Life is that everything new, over time, will start seeming and feeling old. In the upheavals of everyday Life, therefore, romance does receive lower priority because the courtship is over, the marriage is done, dusted – and in some cases, sadly, dead too. That’s precisely why people who fall in love, fall out of love too. But what if you were to imagine that the marriage never took place? Won’t the loving be continuous then? That’s the way Vaani and I treat our Life – we married to fulfil social requirements, period. But we never see our marriage as a defining, epochal event. So, our companionship thrives; so, our loving is ongoing, it is flowing. The key to great companionship is to never let marriage take the center stage. Treat marriage, if at all you must marry, like just another date in your courtship calendar. Then the journey together, no matter what the circumstances you both are faced with, will be a continuous, never-ending celebration!
When you don’t know what to do, just be
The only way to get rid of anxiety is to not give it any attention.
In some situations in Life you may just not know what to do. Anxiety may then feed on your helplessness. You know that feeling anxious is not a solution __ but you go on fretting, fuming, worrying, fearing, because you don’t have a concrete action plan, a set of certified things you can and must do. This can be both habit-forming and debilitating. You are robbed of your inner peace and, over time, you become a complete wreck.
Several of us have ended up living Life like zombies – just going about things, wearily, while being held hostage by our own anxieties. It all began at some time with not knowing what to do. And it continues to be so, not knowing how to live and what to do about getting rid of our own anxieties!
There’s a way out. That way has always been there for you, in front of you, but you have not seen it because you have been preoccupied. Finding that way and getting on that path requires a simple appreciation and understanding of how Life operates. And how our human mind works.
First, know that there is no guarantee that every problem you face can and must be solved by you. So, accept that it is perfectly fine not to know what to do in some Life situations. Second, understand that your anxiety is always about non-existent stuff. You may be anxious about the past – having done something that you regret. But the past is over. It is done and dead. So what’s so intelligent about grieving the past and being anxious about it? Or you may be anxious about the future – which has not happened, so, in effect, it too is non-existent! What’s so intelligent again about worrying of a future that is unborn? But the human mind thrives on anxiety. It loves the past. It thrives in the future. And so it simply prefers to stay anxious. And you, if you want to get over your anxieties, you need to break that mind pattern of yours. You need to bring your mind to focus on the present. It is only in the present that the mind becomes powerless. It is only when you are living in the present moment that you will be free of all anxiety and you will find inner peace.
Bringing your mind to focus on the present and for you to gain mastery over your mind requires no rocket science. Osho, the Master, often told a Zen story to teach how ingenious some solutions to this universal problem can be:
Bokuju, a Zen Master lived alone in a cave. He would sometimes say loudly, “Bokuju” — his own name, and then he would answer, “Yes, I am here.” His disciples used to ask him, “Why are you calling ‘Bokuju’, your own name, and then saying, ‘Yes sir, I am here’?” Bokuju said, “Whenever I get into anxious thinking, I have to remember to be alert, and so I call my own name, ‘Bokuju.’ The moment I call ‘Bokuju’ and I say, ‘Yes sir, I am here,’ the anxious thinking disappears.”
Asking this question to yourself, calling out your own name, works. Because it breaks the circuit, it interrupts the anxious train of thoughts that are speeding through your mind’s highway. I have devised a simple variation of the same concept. I often tell myself, “AVIS, Steady! Steady!” Or I repeat a simple mantram (this is what I learned from my guru Eknath Easwaran) or an easy-to-recall inspirational quote. Those approaches too work.
Use whatever method works for you and helps serve as your circuit-breaker. Once the debilitating chain of thoughts is broken, your mind, momentarily, arrives in the moment. Just hold it there, just be, and you will be free of all anxiety. So, in situations when you don’t know what to do, try just being! And feel the difference!
In some situations in Life you may just not know what to do. Anxiety may then feed on your helplessness. You know that feeling anxious is not a solution __ but you go on fretting, fuming, worrying, fearing, because you don’t have a concrete action plan, a set of certified things you can and must do. This can be both habit-forming and debilitating. You are robbed of your inner peace and, over time, you become a complete wreck.
Several of us have ended up living Life like zombies – just going about things, wearily, while being held hostage by our own anxieties. It all began at some time with not knowing what to do. And it continues to be so, not knowing how to live and what to do about getting rid of our own anxieties!
There’s a way out. That way has always been there for you, in front of you, but you have not seen it because you have been preoccupied. Finding that way and getting on that path requires a simple appreciation and understanding of how Life operates. And how our human mind works.
First, know that there is no guarantee that every problem you face can and must be solved by you. So, accept that it is perfectly fine not to know what to do in some Life situations. Second, understand that your anxiety is always about non-existent stuff. You may be anxious about the past – having done something that you regret. But the past is over. It is done and dead. So what’s so intelligent about grieving the past and being anxious about it? Or you may be anxious about the future – which has not happened, so, in effect, it too is non-existent! What’s so intelligent again about worrying of a future that is unborn? But the human mind thrives on anxiety. It loves the past. It thrives in the future. And so it simply prefers to stay anxious. And you, if you want to get over your anxieties, you need to break that mind pattern of yours. You need to bring your mind to focus on the present. It is only in the present that the mind becomes powerless. It is only when you are living in the present moment that you will be free of all anxiety and you will find inner peace. Bringing your mind to focus on the present and for you to gain mastery over your mind requires no rocket science. Osho, the Master, often told a Zen story to teach how ingenious some solutions to this universal problem can be:
Bokuju, a Zen Master lived alone in a cave. He would sometimes say loudly, “Bokuju” — his own name, and then he would answer, “Yes, I am here.” His disciples used to ask him, “Why are you calling ‘Bokuju’, your own name, and then saying, ‘Yes sir, I am here’?” Bokuju said, “Whenever I get into anxious thinking, I have to remember to be alert, and so I call my own name, ‘Bokuju.’ The moment I call ‘Bokuju’ and I say, ‘Yes sir, I am here,’ the anxious thinking disappears.”
Asking this question to yourself, calling out your own name, works. Because it breaks the circuit, it interrupts the anxious train of thoughts that are speeding through your mind’s highway. I have devised a simple variation of the same concept. I often tell myself, “AVIS, Steady! Steady!” Or I repeat a simple mantram (this is what I learned from my guru Eknath Easwaran) or an easy-to-recall inspirational quote. Those approaches too work.
Use whatever method works for you and helps serve as your circuit-breaker. Once the debilitating chain of thoughts is broken, your mind, momentarily, arrives in the moment. Just hold it there, just be, and you will be free of all anxiety. So, in situations when you don’t know what to do, try just being! And feel the difference!
February 7, 2016
Every ordeal is an opportunity to evolve and awaken
How do you survive the onslaught of Life when everything that you thought was yours is taken away from you?
Where do you re-start Life from when you are left in the cold - helpless, hapless, battered, and bruised by Life’s blows? What do you do when you have nothing material left anymore with you other than perhaps the clothes you are wearing?
Some people have the support of their families and some don’t at such times. Either way, sometimes Life’s situations may be so numbing that there as only questions and no answers!
You may at various times in your Life have braved many a storm or perhaps may be going through one just now. When you sit back and think about the Life you have, you will realize that there is no other way to live Life than to accept what is, no matter what it is.
Here are simple tips based on lessons (also chronicled in
‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’
; Westland, 2014) I have learned in my rather eventful Life so far:
1. Accept the reality that you are in the throes of a crisis. Don’t resist the situation. Don’t wish that it didn’t exist. Simply accept it. Acceptance always delivers inner peace. 2. Focus not on the strength of the storm but on your true self. Know that the storm will always be strong. It will be menacing. It will threaten to destroy you. By even thinking of its ferocity, you are only going to feel debilitated. So, focus on your inner self. Just mindfully watching your breathing can help. When you are mindful, always, you will find calm and inner peace. From that calm, you will gain strength. 3. Always ask this simple question which can often lead you to profound answers: “Given the situation I am faced with, what is the best thing I can do to make things better for everyone concerned?” Employ key criteria for choosing what action you can take out of many possible options that may follow the question: your action must always be positive, constructive and ethical. 4. In particularly complex Life situations which can often dog you for months and years, it is worthwhile to revisit Tip # 3 on a daily basis and choose your daily actions only basis those criteria. 5. No matter how intense it is, no storm lasts forever. All storms have to pass. So, this one too shall pass. Just remember that.
This may seem too simplistic for you to even believe it works. But this is the only way it works __ no matter what you are faced with! Life’s challenges come in different shapes and sizes, in the form of storms of varying intensities. We cannot stop the storms because we don’t have the controls to Life’s mechanisms in our hand. But our facing each of them with humility, with faith and patience, can convert any ordeal into an opportunity to evolve and awaken!
Where do you re-start Life from when you are left in the cold - helpless, hapless, battered, and bruised by Life’s blows? What do you do when you have nothing material left anymore with you other than perhaps the clothes you are wearing?
Some people have the support of their families and some don’t at such times. Either way, sometimes Life’s situations may be so numbing that there as only questions and no answers!
You may at various times in your Life have braved many a storm or perhaps may be going through one just now. When you sit back and think about the Life you have, you will realize that there is no other way to live Life than to accept what is, no matter what it is.
Here are simple tips based on lessons (also chronicled in
‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’
; Westland, 2014) I have learned in my rather eventful Life so far:1. Accept the reality that you are in the throes of a crisis. Don’t resist the situation. Don’t wish that it didn’t exist. Simply accept it. Acceptance always delivers inner peace. 2. Focus not on the strength of the storm but on your true self. Know that the storm will always be strong. It will be menacing. It will threaten to destroy you. By even thinking of its ferocity, you are only going to feel debilitated. So, focus on your inner self. Just mindfully watching your breathing can help. When you are mindful, always, you will find calm and inner peace. From that calm, you will gain strength. 3. Always ask this simple question which can often lead you to profound answers: “Given the situation I am faced with, what is the best thing I can do to make things better for everyone concerned?” Employ key criteria for choosing what action you can take out of many possible options that may follow the question: your action must always be positive, constructive and ethical. 4. In particularly complex Life situations which can often dog you for months and years, it is worthwhile to revisit Tip # 3 on a daily basis and choose your daily actions only basis those criteria. 5. No matter how intense it is, no storm lasts forever. All storms have to pass. So, this one too shall pass. Just remember that.
This may seem too simplistic for you to even believe it works. But this is the only way it works __ no matter what you are faced with! Life’s challenges come in different shapes and sizes, in the form of storms of varying intensities. We cannot stop the storms because we don’t have the controls to Life’s mechanisms in our hand. But our facing each of them with humility, with faith and patience, can convert any ordeal into an opportunity to evolve and awaken!
Sorry Sadhguru, I humbly disagree with you!
Don’t be waylaid by religion, tradition or rituals. Just celebrate yourself and go do what you want to do – as long as it makes you happy!
Women in Maharashtra have raised the demand of wanting to enter the Shani temple in Shani Shingnapur – which currently does not allow women inside its sanctum sanctorum or chauthara. Even as the issue is being hotly debated, Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev’s elaborate – and what some people call ‘brilliant’ – explanation on why women should indeed be disallowed from entering certain shrines, is doing the rounds on social media. Vasudev’s premise – available here – is that certain temples have consecrated energies that are likely to have a detrimental effect on women; he explains that it is a biological thing and since ‘in the very nature of female biology, occult forces can have a deeper impact on their system’, women should not be exposed to such places.
I find all this drama totally avoidable.
At a very basic level, as we of course know, there are men and there are women. And there is a higher, inscrutable, energy that shapes our ends. Some call it divinity. I call it energy. Yes, there is a science behind planetary influences on people, places, events and things. But that science and its understanding are beyond the grasp of a majority of us. More often than not we ordinary folks are being misled in the name of tradition, religion, the occult, superstition and rituals. Even if there are influences of a particular planet – the one in question here is Shani or Saturn – on someone or some place, so be it. Isn’t it always what it is? To claim that the female biology responds differently to Shani’senergies – as Vasudev professes – than male biology does, represents primitive and unevolved thinking. It is also highly improbable that this theory can be proven without invoking evidence from another, questionable, dimension – which is purely a human invention – religion.
I believe it is time to drop all this human-made diversity and resolve all this confusion that confounds our co-existence. Let’s learn to simplify our lives and unify humanity in the process.
The best way to live is to celebrate who you are. Male. Female. Whoever you are, just celebrate yourself. After all, the Life-giving source – the breath that you and I take and what keeps us alive – is the same. For the same reasons, religion is totally avoidable. It is unnecessary in fact. Yes, there’s a higher energy that governs all of us. It is both the creator and the destroyer. But such is Life’s nature – where there is birth, death will follow. So, as part of celebrating yourself, if you want to go some place to celebrate that higher energy (if you believe the energy is location-specific) – Shani Shingapur, Sabarimalai, Mecca, Vatican, wherever – simply go. Don’t get waylaid by people who tell you what religion dictates or what rituals demand or what their understanding of planetary influences is. Do what you must. Just be sure to be happy doing what you are doing. Nothing else – no one else – really matters!
Women in Maharashtra have raised the demand of wanting to enter the Shani temple in Shani Shingnapur – which currently does not allow women inside its sanctum sanctorum or chauthara. Even as the issue is being hotly debated, Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev’s elaborate – and what some people call ‘brilliant’ – explanation on why women should indeed be disallowed from entering certain shrines, is doing the rounds on social media. Vasudev’s premise – available here – is that certain temples have consecrated energies that are likely to have a detrimental effect on women; he explains that it is a biological thing and since ‘in the very nature of female biology, occult forces can have a deeper impact on their system’, women should not be exposed to such places.
I find all this drama totally avoidable.
At a very basic level, as we of course know, there are men and there are women. And there is a higher, inscrutable, energy that shapes our ends. Some call it divinity. I call it energy. Yes, there is a science behind planetary influences on people, places, events and things. But that science and its understanding are beyond the grasp of a majority of us. More often than not we ordinary folks are being misled in the name of tradition, religion, the occult, superstition and rituals. Even if there are influences of a particular planet – the one in question here is Shani or Saturn – on someone or some place, so be it. Isn’t it always what it is? To claim that the female biology responds differently to Shani’senergies – as Vasudev professes – than male biology does, represents primitive and unevolved thinking. It is also highly improbable that this theory can be proven without invoking evidence from another, questionable, dimension – which is purely a human invention – religion. I believe it is time to drop all this human-made diversity and resolve all this confusion that confounds our co-existence. Let’s learn to simplify our lives and unify humanity in the process.
The best way to live is to celebrate who you are. Male. Female. Whoever you are, just celebrate yourself. After all, the Life-giving source – the breath that you and I take and what keeps us alive – is the same. For the same reasons, religion is totally avoidable. It is unnecessary in fact. Yes, there’s a higher energy that governs all of us. It is both the creator and the destroyer. But such is Life’s nature – where there is birth, death will follow. So, as part of celebrating yourself, if you want to go some place to celebrate that higher energy (if you believe the energy is location-specific) – Shani Shingapur, Sabarimalai, Mecca, Vatican, wherever – simply go. Don’t get waylaid by people who tell you what religion dictates or what rituals demand or what their understanding of planetary influences is. Do what you must. Just be sure to be happy doing what you are doing. Nothing else – no one else – really matters!
February 5, 2016
Cooperate unconditionally with the inevitable present
The present moment is inevitable.
What happens in it is inevitable. So, why are we resisting the present moment?
The beauty of Life resides in the moment. In the present. Whatever you may do, you cannot prevent the present. You can grieve your past. You can worry about your future. But you can do nothing__other than live through it__about the present moment! Before you know it, it is here. In front of you. And you are in it! And then it is gone. And a new present is born. So, how can you ever avoid the present? It is impossible. As people who have gone through a basic education, who like to live Life by understanding it better, this one powerful unputdownable thought should lead you to a lifetime of peace and bliss.
Spiritualist and writer Anthony D’Mello (1931~1987) shares a parable that goes like this:
“What is the secret of your serenity?” asked the disciple.
“To cooperate unconditionally with the inevitable,” answered the Master.
So beautiful. And so simple. As you finish another week reflect on this thought. Resolve to accept, collaborate, partner, and be in the inevitable present. Cooperate unconditionally with it. See how it transforms your Life __ helping you stay happy and peaceful__ despite all your circumstances.
The beauty of Life resides in the moment. In the present. Whatever you may do, you cannot prevent the present. You can grieve your past. You can worry about your future. But you can do nothing__other than live through it__about the present moment! Before you know it, it is here. In front of you. And you are in it! And then it is gone. And a new present is born. So, how can you ever avoid the present? It is impossible. As people who have gone through a basic education, who like to live Life by understanding it better, this one powerful unputdownable thought should lead you to a lifetime of peace and bliss. Spiritualist and writer Anthony D’Mello (1931~1987) shares a parable that goes like this:
“What is the secret of your serenity?” asked the disciple.
“To cooperate unconditionally with the inevitable,” answered the Master.
So beautiful. And so simple. As you finish another week reflect on this thought. Resolve to accept, collaborate, partner, and be in the inevitable present. Cooperate unconditionally with it. See how it transforms your Life __ helping you stay happy and peaceful__ despite all your circumstances.
February 4, 2016
To find strength in a storm, move to the center
As long as we are relating to external – often material and physical – reference points, we will not find inner peace.
People sometimes tell me that while they find the ‘philosophy’ advocating staying anchored and calm to be indeed powerful, in reality, they wonder if it is really possible to escape the ‘tyranny of everyday Life’. As in, everyone wakes up with the resolve to face Life and its challenges stoically, but they end up succumbing to the pulls and pressures of people and events. A friend recently told me, “If you can claim to be untouched by Life’s challenges, then you must also claim that you are God.”
I must confess, just to clarify, that I make no claims. In sharing my daily learnings here on this Blog, I am simply sharing. If it makes sense to them, some people draw some inferences from it. If it doesn’t, they read it and trash it. But one thing is for sure – I don’t share anything here that I have not experienced or learnt first-hand. And one of my key takeaways from Life is that it is indeed possible to live in this world, and yet be above it! Provided you are anchored and have found your center.
Osho used to tell a story of a Zen Master who was invited as a guest by someone. A few friends had gathered and they were listening intently to the Master when suddenly there was an earthquake.
The building that they were sitting in was a seven-storey building, and they were on the seventh storey. Naturally, they all feared for their lives and ran. Everybody tried to escape. The host, running down, paused, and came back to see what had happened to the Master. He was sitting still, on the floor, on the mat, with not even a ripple of anxiety on his face.
With closed eyes he was sitting just as he had been sitting before.
The host felt a little guilty. He felt cowardly. It does not look good when a guest is sitting while the host is running away. The others, the guests, had already gone down the stairs but he stopped himself although he was trembling with fear, and he too sat down by the side of the Master.
The earthquake came and went in a matter of a few minutes. Once the tremors and rumblings stopped, the Master opened his eyes and resumed his discourse which he had had to stop because of the earthquake. He began again at exactly the same sentence – as if the earthquake had not happened at all!
The host was now in no mood to listen, he was in no mood to understand because his whole being was so troubled and he was so afraid. Even though the earthquake was over, he was still in shock, in fear. He said: “Now please don’t say anything because I will not be able to grasp it, I’m not myself anymore. The earthquake has disturbed me. But there is one question I would like to ask. All other guests had escaped, I was also running down the stairs, when suddenly I remembered you. Seeing you sitting here with closed eyes, sitting so undisturbed, so unperturbed, I felt a little cowardly – I am the host, I should not run. So I came back and I have been sitting by your side. I would like to ask one question. We all tried to escape. What happened to you? How’s it that you did not feel like running?”
The Master said: “I also ran, but you ran outwardly while I escaped inwardly. Your escape is useless because wherever you are going there too is an earthquake, so it is meaningless, it makes no sense. You may reach the sixth storey or the fifth or the fourth, but there too is an earthquake. I escaped to a point within me where no earthquake ever reaches, cannot reach. I entered my center.”
This story is the essence of Zen.
It means that when you reach your center, nothing can affect you. No external event or development, in fact, no one can touch you. Your center has been, is, and will be with you. It is in you. In your center, you will find both perpetual happiness and inner peace. Even if you are physically in shackles, if you are anchored, centered, no one can take away your inner peace or make you unhappy. Know that only you yourself are responsible for your peace and inner joy.
I have shared many experiences of how I have been learning (to be sure, I am still a learner) to live in this world and yet be above it in my Book ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’ (Westland, August 2014). Through these experiences I have come to believe that everyday Life is hardly tyrannical. To find strength in a storm, move to the center, to the eye of the storm, it is always calm there! If you learn to go within (through any practice of daily meditation or observing silence periods) you too can remain untouched by whatever happens outside of you!
People sometimes tell me that while they find the ‘philosophy’ advocating staying anchored and calm to be indeed powerful, in reality, they wonder if it is really possible to escape the ‘tyranny of everyday Life’. As in, everyone wakes up with the resolve to face Life and its challenges stoically, but they end up succumbing to the pulls and pressures of people and events. A friend recently told me, “If you can claim to be untouched by Life’s challenges, then you must also claim that you are God.”
I must confess, just to clarify, that I make no claims. In sharing my daily learnings here on this Blog, I am simply sharing. If it makes sense to them, some people draw some inferences from it. If it doesn’t, they read it and trash it. But one thing is for sure – I don’t share anything here that I have not experienced or learnt first-hand. And one of my key takeaways from Life is that it is indeed possible to live in this world, and yet be above it! Provided you are anchored and have found your center.
Osho used to tell a story of a Zen Master who was invited as a guest by someone. A few friends had gathered and they were listening intently to the Master when suddenly there was an earthquake.
The building that they were sitting in was a seven-storey building, and they were on the seventh storey. Naturally, they all feared for their lives and ran. Everybody tried to escape. The host, running down, paused, and came back to see what had happened to the Master. He was sitting still, on the floor, on the mat, with not even a ripple of anxiety on his face.
With closed eyes he was sitting just as he had been sitting before.
The host felt a little guilty. He felt cowardly. It does not look good when a guest is sitting while the host is running away. The others, the guests, had already gone down the stairs but he stopped himself although he was trembling with fear, and he too sat down by the side of the Master.
The earthquake came and went in a matter of a few minutes. Once the tremors and rumblings stopped, the Master opened his eyes and resumed his discourse which he had had to stop because of the earthquake. He began again at exactly the same sentence – as if the earthquake had not happened at all!
The host was now in no mood to listen, he was in no mood to understand because his whole being was so troubled and he was so afraid. Even though the earthquake was over, he was still in shock, in fear. He said: “Now please don’t say anything because I will not be able to grasp it, I’m not myself anymore. The earthquake has disturbed me. But there is one question I would like to ask. All other guests had escaped, I was also running down the stairs, when suddenly I remembered you. Seeing you sitting here with closed eyes, sitting so undisturbed, so unperturbed, I felt a little cowardly – I am the host, I should not run. So I came back and I have been sitting by your side. I would like to ask one question. We all tried to escape. What happened to you? How’s it that you did not feel like running?”The Master said: “I also ran, but you ran outwardly while I escaped inwardly. Your escape is useless because wherever you are going there too is an earthquake, so it is meaningless, it makes no sense. You may reach the sixth storey or the fifth or the fourth, but there too is an earthquake. I escaped to a point within me where no earthquake ever reaches, cannot reach. I entered my center.”
This story is the essence of Zen.
It means that when you reach your center, nothing can affect you. No external event or development, in fact, no one can touch you. Your center has been, is, and will be with you. It is in you. In your center, you will find both perpetual happiness and inner peace. Even if you are physically in shackles, if you are anchored, centered, no one can take away your inner peace or make you unhappy. Know that only you yourself are responsible for your peace and inner joy.
I have shared many experiences of how I have been learning (to be sure, I am still a learner) to live in this world and yet be above it in my Book ‘Fall Like A Rose Petal’ (Westland, August 2014). Through these experiences I have come to believe that everyday Life is hardly tyrannical. To find strength in a storm, move to the center, to the eye of the storm, it is always calm there! If you learn to go within (through any practice of daily meditation or observing silence periods) you too can remain untouched by whatever happens outside of you!
February 3, 2016
A chef whips up a recipe for ‘non-suffering’!
Sometimes Life’s problems will confound you.
It could be a relationship tangle, a financial situation, a health crisis or a professional challenge. You will find, to your dismay, that whatever solution you attempt will just not work. Because some things are simply not meant to be.
I recently met a man who is a master of his craft. He’s an extremely successful chef at a leading hospitality chain. We got talking. And I politely enquired about his family. He laughed heartily.
Taking a deep breath, he replied: “I have been married thrice. I got divorced twice. And widowed once. I have a 20-year-old autistic son who lives me. So, that’s my family!”
I felt sorry I had asked him that question. But he showed no signs of discomfort. Just so that we made the conversation easier, I remarked: “Oh! I am sorry. Must be tough on you. But you seem to be very enthusiastic about Life!”
He said: “Sorry? Don’t be. I have realized that I cannot have a regular, normal family that many others have. I have accepted that companionship is not part of my Life’s scene! Raising my son as a single parent has been difficult but I don’t complain anymore. My problems go through me! I don’t go through any problems. Not anymore!”
His simple, matter-of-fact attitude is very inspiring. Indeed. Isn’t that a practical way to look at Life? We normally respond to Life’s challenges with a sense of shock and dismay. We always lament about Life and wonder how difficult it is to go through the problems we are faced with. But here my chef friend has flipped the paradigm. His sense of acceptance has made him unflappable! There’s a learning here for us too. When you grieve over the Life you have you suffer. But when you accept it, while there may be pain, there will be no suffering. Perhaps, you may want to try this chef’s recipe for ‘non-suffering’: “let your problems go through you; you simply accept what is.”
I recently met a man who is a master of his craft. He’s an extremely successful chef at a leading hospitality chain. We got talking. And I politely enquired about his family. He laughed heartily.
Taking a deep breath, he replied: “I have been married thrice. I got divorced twice. And widowed once. I have a 20-year-old autistic son who lives me. So, that’s my family!”I felt sorry I had asked him that question. But he showed no signs of discomfort. Just so that we made the conversation easier, I remarked: “Oh! I am sorry. Must be tough on you. But you seem to be very enthusiastic about Life!”
He said: “Sorry? Don’t be. I have realized that I cannot have a regular, normal family that many others have. I have accepted that companionship is not part of my Life’s scene! Raising my son as a single parent has been difficult but I don’t complain anymore. My problems go through me! I don’t go through any problems. Not anymore!”
His simple, matter-of-fact attitude is very inspiring. Indeed. Isn’t that a practical way to look at Life? We normally respond to Life’s challenges with a sense of shock and dismay. We always lament about Life and wonder how difficult it is to go through the problems we are faced with. But here my chef friend has flipped the paradigm. His sense of acceptance has made him unflappable! There’s a learning here for us too. When you grieve over the Life you have you suffer. But when you accept it, while there may be pain, there will be no suffering. Perhaps, you may want to try this chef’s recipe for ‘non-suffering’: “let your problems go through you; you simply accept what is.”
