AVIS Viswanathan's Blog, page 23
August 9, 2015
Lessons from water
We have a lot to learn from water.
When water is stirred, it causes a few ripples. When it is stirred a lot it causes a tsunami! Either way, water returns to its original, placid state. Similarly, our lives are bound to be stirred. By events, circumstances, people, emotions. The problem with us is that we remain stirred, agitated. We don't make an effort to return to our native state__the infant stage of our Life__to being calm, carefree, trusting and in joy!
Some of us, when we are faced with challenges, turn angry, cold; others turn resentful; some even turn depressive and introverted. None of these states will make our lives memorable and deliver what we seek__happiness__unto us. Masaru Emoto (1943~2014), a Japanese author and entrepreneur has conducted experiments on water and argued the deep connection between human thought, the water content in our bodies and the afflictions that humankind is faced with. He says that since over 60 % of the planet and over 60 % human body is made up of water, the more negative thoughts we think, the more stress we subject ourselves to__self-induced or reactive__, we end up letting them affect not just our bodies, our planet too.
There is a beautiful song, I actually call it my personal anthem, in the Tamizh movie, Azhagiya Thamizh Magan, which has the following opening lines: "Ella Puzgahyum Oruvan Oruvannuke, Nee Nadhi Bole Odikkondirru..." Translated, it means, "All glory is only to One Source, you must keep flowing like a river..." What the lyricist is inviting us to do is to acquire the temperament of water, which does not worry about its origins, it path, its fall, its destination. It merely keeps flowing, perhaps, following its destiny. Perhaps, following its bliss. Without remorse, guilt, anger or expectations. It accepts to be a drop, a puddle, a lake, a river, a mighty ocean without pride or prejudice. It succumbs occasionally to Life's vicissitudes when it is stirred, but it soon returns to its native state. Big learning there for us.
When water is stirred, it causes a few ripples. When it is stirred a lot it causes a tsunami! Either way, water returns to its original, placid state. Similarly, our lives are bound to be stirred. By events, circumstances, people, emotions. The problem with us is that we remain stirred, agitated. We don't make an effort to return to our native state__the infant stage of our Life__to being calm, carefree, trusting and in joy!
Some of us, when we are faced with challenges, turn angry, cold; others turn resentful; some even turn depressive and introverted. None of these states will make our lives memorable and deliver what we seek__happiness__unto us. Masaru Emoto (1943~2014), a Japanese author and entrepreneur has conducted experiments on water and argued the deep connection between human thought, the water content in our bodies and the afflictions that humankind is faced with. He says that since over 60 % of the planet and over 60 % human body is made up of water, the more negative thoughts we think, the more stress we subject ourselves to__self-induced or reactive__, we end up letting them affect not just our bodies, our planet too. There is a beautiful song, I actually call it my personal anthem, in the Tamizh movie, Azhagiya Thamizh Magan, which has the following opening lines: "Ella Puzgahyum Oruvan Oruvannuke, Nee Nadhi Bole Odikkondirru..." Translated, it means, "All glory is only to One Source, you must keep flowing like a river..." What the lyricist is inviting us to do is to acquire the temperament of water, which does not worry about its origins, it path, its fall, its destination. It merely keeps flowing, perhaps, following its destiny. Perhaps, following its bliss. Without remorse, guilt, anger or expectations. It accepts to be a drop, a puddle, a lake, a river, a mighty ocean without pride or prejudice. It succumbs occasionally to Life's vicissitudes when it is stirred, but it soon returns to its native state. Big learning there for us.
August 7, 2015
Non-worrying is happiness
Don’t try to analyze your Life and try to discover, define and decide what will make you happy. Just stop worrying. Period. That will make you happy!
Yesterday I addressed some managers at a healthcare company. One of them had this question: “How do you stay happy consistently?” His point was that with all the pulls and pressures of everyday Life, while there is a “deep interest and intention in wanting to be happy”, often times, “one loses the plot”.
I agree with him. Happiness is a 24 x 7 job. It requires consistent focus. If your attention strays from being, being happy and content with what is, you will turn unhappy! You will then become a victim of the people or circumstance that govern your Life.
The simplest way to be happy is to practise “non-worrying”. It is a beautiful word – “non-worrying”! Happiness is not the absence of worry. To imagine a Life where there will be no worry is impractical. As long as thoughts arise – and they will keep arising at the rate of 60,000 a day, as long as you are alive – in the human mind, you cannot expect a worry-free Life. So the state where there is a total absence of worry will never be achieved in anyone’s lifetime. What can be striven for and achieved is a state of “non-worrying”.
“Non-worrying” means that when a worry arises in your mind, you simply let it pass. Anything that you don’t attend to will not bother to. This is the Tamil month of aadi. This is the month when the population of flies will multiply – particularly in humid conditions in Chennai. Even the cleanest five-star properties in Chennai will not be spared by the flies. So, if you walked into a swank coffee shop and found a couple of flies on the tables there, you will not make a hue and cry. You will simply ignore their sight and presence thinking to yourself, “well, this is India, this is Chennai, this is common occurrence” and move on. “Non-worrying” means treating the worry that arises as you would treat a housefly. Accept that it exists, accept that you can’t do anything about it and move on. A worry controls you only when you feed it with your attention. It controls you only when you allow it to control you. Just ignore it. Let it be. And you be too. When you make a worry powerless, it will simply recede – the same way it arose in the first place.
Of course, the human mind, like the human body, must be trained to practise “non-worrying”. And that’s what requires 24 x 7 practise, consistently! When you master the art of “non-worrying”, you will simply be, well, happy!
Yesterday I addressed some managers at a healthcare company. One of them had this question: “How do you stay happy consistently?” His point was that with all the pulls and pressures of everyday Life, while there is a “deep interest and intention in wanting to be happy”, often times, “one loses the plot”.
I agree with him. Happiness is a 24 x 7 job. It requires consistent focus. If your attention strays from being, being happy and content with what is, you will turn unhappy! You will then become a victim of the people or circumstance that govern your Life.
The simplest way to be happy is to practise “non-worrying”. It is a beautiful word – “non-worrying”! Happiness is not the absence of worry. To imagine a Life where there will be no worry is impractical. As long as thoughts arise – and they will keep arising at the rate of 60,000 a day, as long as you are alive – in the human mind, you cannot expect a worry-free Life. So the state where there is a total absence of worry will never be achieved in anyone’s lifetime. What can be striven for and achieved is a state of “non-worrying”.
“Non-worrying” means that when a worry arises in your mind, you simply let it pass. Anything that you don’t attend to will not bother to. This is the Tamil month of aadi. This is the month when the population of flies will multiply – particularly in humid conditions in Chennai. Even the cleanest five-star properties in Chennai will not be spared by the flies. So, if you walked into a swank coffee shop and found a couple of flies on the tables there, you will not make a hue and cry. You will simply ignore their sight and presence thinking to yourself, “well, this is India, this is Chennai, this is common occurrence” and move on. “Non-worrying” means treating the worry that arises as you would treat a housefly. Accept that it exists, accept that you can’t do anything about it and move on. A worry controls you only when you feed it with your attention. It controls you only when you allow it to control you. Just ignore it. Let it be. And you be too. When you make a worry powerless, it will simply recede – the same way it arose in the first place.Of course, the human mind, like the human body, must be trained to practise “non-worrying”. And that’s what requires 24 x 7 practise, consistently! When you master the art of “non-worrying”, you will simply be, well, happy!
Accept your reality to get through an unwanted, yet unavoidable, phase
Accept and make peace with your reality. That’s when you can endure a phase you never wanted but still have to go through.
Rajratnam and Gupta: Picture Courtesy - InternetA recent story in The New York Times caught my attention. It was written by an Indian, Anita Raghavan. And featured another Indian – the former McKinsey & Co boss, Rajat Gupta. The story talked about Gupta’s term in prison, alongside one-time friend and business partner Raj Rajaratnam – both men are convicted on charges of insider trading and are serving time at the Federal Medical Center Devens, in Ayer, Massachusetts, northwest of Boston, with 1000 other inmates. Raghavan seems to have pieced together information from a former Devens inmate, David Morgan, on Gupta’s time in prison. According to Morgan, reports Raghavan, Gupta seems to have accepted his imprisonment as “destiny”.
It is definitely a fall from grace for the former Harvard Business School graduate and old-timer at McKinsey & Co, Rajat Gupta. I remember, in 1994, when I was with India’s premier business magazine Business Today (from the India Today stable), Gupta was on its cover. It was I think for the first time that an Indian was making it to a global CEO’s position. My editor, Anand P Raman, told me what a proud moment it was for India, for Business Today and for us journalists to be featuring an Indian management great! I was young, just 27, back then. And I decided to myself that if ever I took up a corporate role (which I eventually did), I would want to emulate Gupta’s success. In fact, my erstwhile consulting Firm’s stated goal was to be an Indian McKinsey and this was in large measure influenced by Gupta’s leadership of McKinsey & Co over the period 1994~2000. It is incredible that the poster boy of management consulting and global corporate leadership is serving term in a prison in the US, to say the least. According to Raghavan, “In prison, it is Mr. Gupta’s family that has kept him going. At the camp, he pasted family photos on the bottom panel of the bunk (bed) above him. “Hey, David, look at what we have to be grateful for,” Mr. Morgan remembered Mr. Gupta saying. “‘When I go to bed, I see them, and when I wake up, I see them.’”
Gupta’s story presents us with the opportunity to understand the true nature of Life. What goes up comes down. And what’s down sure goes up. This is the way Life plays out for each of us. Our stories may differ, our contexts may be unique, but the broad theme is impermanence – of time, people, events, things, relationships and of our Life itself. Everything and every phase in Life shall pass. And what the Cosmic Design has in store for you shall play out – unfailingly whether you like it or not, whether you accept it or not. When you don’t accept what is happening and resist the Life you have, you suffer. But with acceptance, as in Gupta’s case, as he has confessed to Morgan, while you can’t change your reality, you can at least endure it.
Rajratnam and Gupta: Picture Courtesy - InternetA recent story in The New York Times caught my attention. It was written by an Indian, Anita Raghavan. And featured another Indian – the former McKinsey & Co boss, Rajat Gupta. The story talked about Gupta’s term in prison, alongside one-time friend and business partner Raj Rajaratnam – both men are convicted on charges of insider trading and are serving time at the Federal Medical Center Devens, in Ayer, Massachusetts, northwest of Boston, with 1000 other inmates. Raghavan seems to have pieced together information from a former Devens inmate, David Morgan, on Gupta’s time in prison. According to Morgan, reports Raghavan, Gupta seems to have accepted his imprisonment as “destiny”. It is definitely a fall from grace for the former Harvard Business School graduate and old-timer at McKinsey & Co, Rajat Gupta. I remember, in 1994, when I was with India’s premier business magazine Business Today (from the India Today stable), Gupta was on its cover. It was I think for the first time that an Indian was making it to a global CEO’s position. My editor, Anand P Raman, told me what a proud moment it was for India, for Business Today and for us journalists to be featuring an Indian management great! I was young, just 27, back then. And I decided to myself that if ever I took up a corporate role (which I eventually did), I would want to emulate Gupta’s success. In fact, my erstwhile consulting Firm’s stated goal was to be an Indian McKinsey and this was in large measure influenced by Gupta’s leadership of McKinsey & Co over the period 1994~2000. It is incredible that the poster boy of management consulting and global corporate leadership is serving term in a prison in the US, to say the least. According to Raghavan, “In prison, it is Mr. Gupta’s family that has kept him going. At the camp, he pasted family photos on the bottom panel of the bunk (bed) above him. “Hey, David, look at what we have to be grateful for,” Mr. Morgan remembered Mr. Gupta saying. “‘When I go to bed, I see them, and when I wake up, I see them.’”
Gupta’s story presents us with the opportunity to understand the true nature of Life. What goes up comes down. And what’s down sure goes up. This is the way Life plays out for each of us. Our stories may differ, our contexts may be unique, but the broad theme is impermanence – of time, people, events, things, relationships and of our Life itself. Everything and every phase in Life shall pass. And what the Cosmic Design has in store for you shall play out – unfailingly whether you like it or not, whether you accept it or not. When you don’t accept what is happening and resist the Life you have, you suffer. But with acceptance, as in Gupta’s case, as he has confessed to Morgan, while you can’t change your reality, you can at least endure it.
August 5, 2015
Don’t complain! Just practice ‘shogonai’ and ‘gaman’!
If you can’t be solve a problem – just let go and be patient!
Complaining about Life and its vagaries is a sign of weakness. It demonstrates a tendency to resist what is happening and that does not yield any positive outcome.
In the context of the recovery of what may be debris from MH 370 at Reunion island, off the coast of Africa, I am reminded of two traits that the Japanese possess as a people: 'gaman' and 'shoganai'.
'Gaman' means patience, endurance, perseverance. And while 'shoganai' literally means 'nothing can be done' or ‘it can’t be helped’; it also denotes a calm determination to overcome what cannot be controlled. The Japanese language testifies to how a sense of precariousness__since Japan is located in one of the most seismologically active spots on the planet; remember the tsunami of March 2011__has shaped a national consciousness. We have a lot to learn from this Japanese philosophy because most of us are forever complaining of what could have been and what we don't have!
Obviously, the recovery at Reunion brings to the surface the pain and trauma the MH370 passengers’ families have been experiencing. But ‘shogonai’ – what can be done to undo that pain? Nothing at all. So, only ‘gaman’ will work for them. Only time can heal their souls.
Just like the families of those who went missing with MH370, we too will do well to embrace 'gaman' and ‘shoganai' as simple, practical philosophies to deal with even in everyday Life. You are in a traffic jam and late for your meeting. 'Shoganai'. You get a non-reclining seat on the plane. 'Shoganai'. There is a power outage. 'Shoganai'. By any stretch of imagination, 'Shoganai'does not imply fatalism. Which is why, it must be understood and practiced with 'gaman'. Both together encourage us to stop complaining about things that are beyond our control; instead they urge us to accept situations that leave us numb and helpless and plod us to persevere to change those things . In the context of acts beyond our control__like a health set back or a natural calamity or the passing away of a dear one__they remind us to accept reality and endure Life patiently.
Either way, the Japanese way of Life, invites us to stop complaining. To complain means to live in grief. And grief does not change reality. Neither does acceptance. But acceptance of any reality at least helps the one facing it to be at peace. When there is peace, there will be prosperity__as the Japanese have amply demonstrated in the past, bouncing back from the WW II Hiroshima bombings, and the more recent tsunami!
Complaining about Life and its vagaries is a sign of weakness. It demonstrates a tendency to resist what is happening and that does not yield any positive outcome.
In the context of the recovery of what may be debris from MH 370 at Reunion island, off the coast of Africa, I am reminded of two traits that the Japanese possess as a people: 'gaman' and 'shoganai'.
'Gaman' means patience, endurance, perseverance. And while 'shoganai' literally means 'nothing can be done' or ‘it can’t be helped’; it also denotes a calm determination to overcome what cannot be controlled. The Japanese language testifies to how a sense of precariousness__since Japan is located in one of the most seismologically active spots on the planet; remember the tsunami of March 2011__has shaped a national consciousness. We have a lot to learn from this Japanese philosophy because most of us are forever complaining of what could have been and what we don't have!
Obviously, the recovery at Reunion brings to the surface the pain and trauma the MH370 passengers’ families have been experiencing. But ‘shogonai’ – what can be done to undo that pain? Nothing at all. So, only ‘gaman’ will work for them. Only time can heal their souls.
Just like the families of those who went missing with MH370, we too will do well to embrace 'gaman' and ‘shoganai' as simple, practical philosophies to deal with even in everyday Life. You are in a traffic jam and late for your meeting. 'Shoganai'. You get a non-reclining seat on the plane. 'Shoganai'. There is a power outage. 'Shoganai'. By any stretch of imagination, 'Shoganai'does not imply fatalism. Which is why, it must be understood and practiced with 'gaman'. Both together encourage us to stop complaining about things that are beyond our control; instead they urge us to accept situations that leave us numb and helpless and plod us to persevere to change those things . In the context of acts beyond our control__like a health set back or a natural calamity or the passing away of a dear one__they remind us to accept reality and endure Life patiently. Either way, the Japanese way of Life, invites us to stop complaining. To complain means to live in grief. And grief does not change reality. Neither does acceptance. But acceptance of any reality at least helps the one facing it to be at peace. When there is peace, there will be prosperity__as the Japanese have amply demonstrated in the past, bouncing back from the WW II Hiroshima bombings, and the more recent tsunami!
Accepting (extra-ordinary) pain leads to extra-ordinary grace entering your Life
Everything happens for the good. And you can’t quite get through Life unscathed.
I don’t mean to sound overtly philosophical or even euphemistic about our rather unique Life journeys where we may be singed by a health challenge or a relationship issue or the loss of a dear one or a career nightmare or a business crisis. Our stories may be different. But the thread that binds all our stories together holds a common theme – all the trauma that we may have to encounter and endure in Life always has a deeper reason for it to happen. And that reason is to make us stronger from the experience. Also, without exception, every dark night eventually makes way for a beautiful dawn.
A recent issue of TIME magazine has a story by author Jim Rendon who writes about how trauma changes people for the better. Rendon’s new book Upside: The New Science of Post-Traumatic Growth reveals that 75 % of people are affected by a traumatic phase at least once in their lives. He writes in TIME: “Post-traumatic growth can be transformative. Post-traumatic growth can be powerful. Many people I interviewed for my book told me that despite the physical pain they suffered, the daily struggles they faced, their lives were unquestionably better today than before their traumatic experiences. Trauma sent them on a path they never would have found otherwise.”
I can completely relate to this view. This has, in fact, been my experience too.
Just 12 years ago, I used to be perpetually angry with myself and the world around me. My business was under stress then, but there was business – work and income. I had clients and I led a team that operated in six cities in India. But I was neither happy nor content. I worked 16-hour days and worked on weekends too. I had a tobacco habit and drank daily. And then in end-2007, early-2008, my whole world fell apart. My Firm went bankrupt and I became insolvent. In the years that followed, my family and I have been through some indescribable times – often penniless; no work, no clients, no staff, no offices, no business, no money!
A couple of years ago, I was talking to my friend about the experience I was undergoing as a parent when I could not buy my dear daughter a new set of clothes as her old ones were worn out. My friend, quoting (I think so; disclaimer: I am not an expert in Tamil literature, I can’t read or write the language.) from the Tamil epic Kamba Ramayanam said, “Kadan Petrar Nenjam Pola” - denoting the ache in the heart of a man in debt. I know my pain pales in significance in front of someone who has lost a child or who is dying of a rare cancer or who has been convicted for a crime that they did not commit (like the Talwar couple). But trauma is trauma. Pain is pain. Whatever be the reason, whoever causes it, whichever way it happens, the way pain overtakes our lives and drives us to dead-ends and tests every sinew – that experience is the same for everyone. Pain cannot be avoided. It is inevitable. But you can avoid the suffering if you stop asking why there is pain – and stop asking why you have to encounter pain.
My problems are far from over. But because I have learnt not to suffer, I have discovered that the trauma, the pain, doesn’t affect me anymore. Yes it is difficult, at times excruciatingly difficult, to get through some situations. But because I don’t suffer, I am at peace with the way my Life is. There is complete chaos around me, in my world. But I have learnt to anchor within and maintain and preserve my inner equilibrium. I face Life every day with renewed vigor and pour my heart into whatever I am doing to get the business and our lives back on track. Important, I am no longer angry – with myself or my circumstances. I am a firm believer that this too shall pass.
This transformation in me has happened only because of the experience of abject penury that I have been through. In a material sense my family and I have lost everything. And we have a mountain of debt to repay. But I am grateful, just as many of the people Rendon interviewed for his book have revealed, for the Life-changing crisis that I have been through. I have now come to realize that extra-ordinary pain always leads you to experience extra-ordinary grace if you are willing to accept the pain and go with the flow of Life! Your problems may not always go away, but your ability to deal with the improves dramatically if you can handle pain and avoid the suffering!
I don’t mean to sound overtly philosophical or even euphemistic about our rather unique Life journeys where we may be singed by a health challenge or a relationship issue or the loss of a dear one or a career nightmare or a business crisis. Our stories may be different. But the thread that binds all our stories together holds a common theme – all the trauma that we may have to encounter and endure in Life always has a deeper reason for it to happen. And that reason is to make us stronger from the experience. Also, without exception, every dark night eventually makes way for a beautiful dawn.
A recent issue of TIME magazine has a story by author Jim Rendon who writes about how trauma changes people for the better. Rendon’s new book Upside: The New Science of Post-Traumatic Growth reveals that 75 % of people are affected by a traumatic phase at least once in their lives. He writes in TIME: “Post-traumatic growth can be transformative. Post-traumatic growth can be powerful. Many people I interviewed for my book told me that despite the physical pain they suffered, the daily struggles they faced, their lives were unquestionably better today than before their traumatic experiences. Trauma sent them on a path they never would have found otherwise.”I can completely relate to this view. This has, in fact, been my experience too.
Just 12 years ago, I used to be perpetually angry with myself and the world around me. My business was under stress then, but there was business – work and income. I had clients and I led a team that operated in six cities in India. But I was neither happy nor content. I worked 16-hour days and worked on weekends too. I had a tobacco habit and drank daily. And then in end-2007, early-2008, my whole world fell apart. My Firm went bankrupt and I became insolvent. In the years that followed, my family and I have been through some indescribable times – often penniless; no work, no clients, no staff, no offices, no business, no money!
A couple of years ago, I was talking to my friend about the experience I was undergoing as a parent when I could not buy my dear daughter a new set of clothes as her old ones were worn out. My friend, quoting (I think so; disclaimer: I am not an expert in Tamil literature, I can’t read or write the language.) from the Tamil epic Kamba Ramayanam said, “Kadan Petrar Nenjam Pola” - denoting the ache in the heart of a man in debt. I know my pain pales in significance in front of someone who has lost a child or who is dying of a rare cancer or who has been convicted for a crime that they did not commit (like the Talwar couple). But trauma is trauma. Pain is pain. Whatever be the reason, whoever causes it, whichever way it happens, the way pain overtakes our lives and drives us to dead-ends and tests every sinew – that experience is the same for everyone. Pain cannot be avoided. It is inevitable. But you can avoid the suffering if you stop asking why there is pain – and stop asking why you have to encounter pain.
My problems are far from over. But because I have learnt not to suffer, I have discovered that the trauma, the pain, doesn’t affect me anymore. Yes it is difficult, at times excruciatingly difficult, to get through some situations. But because I don’t suffer, I am at peace with the way my Life is. There is complete chaos around me, in my world. But I have learnt to anchor within and maintain and preserve my inner equilibrium. I face Life every day with renewed vigor and pour my heart into whatever I am doing to get the business and our lives back on track. Important, I am no longer angry – with myself or my circumstances. I am a firm believer that this too shall pass.
This transformation in me has happened only because of the experience of abject penury that I have been through. In a material sense my family and I have lost everything. And we have a mountain of debt to repay. But I am grateful, just as many of the people Rendon interviewed for his book have revealed, for the Life-changing crisis that I have been through. I have now come to realize that extra-ordinary pain always leads you to experience extra-ordinary grace if you are willing to accept the pain and go with the flow of Life! Your problems may not always go away, but your ability to deal with the improves dramatically if you can handle pain and avoid the suffering!
August 4, 2015
Live your Life your way!: Life Lessons from the "M.A.D", yet spiritual, Kishoreda!
Don’t ever try to live your Life trying to satisfy others and, in the process, live with your dreams and aspirations being left unfulfilled.
This does not mean you must not serve others. Of course you must. But when you serve others and think you are making a sacrifice, you are really saying, you don’t want to be doing this, but are having to do this. This is where grief comes in. And where there is grief, how can there be joy? So, either you serve others selflessly or you just don’t do anything other than focusing on yourself. Either way, Live Life your way and be happy doing it!
Add captionToday is legendary Bollywood singer Kishore Kumar’s birthday (he passed away in 1987, at 58). He was one person who lived his Life fully, on his own terms, often being called ‘loony’ and ‘weird’ by people that knew him, but he enjoyed every bit of his Life! Further, his sense of enjoyment created his art, invaluable, priceless gems in Indian cinema music. It’s hard to imagine Kishoreda to have delivered the kind of songs he sang without being every bit of the unpredictable yet extremely humane person that he was.
In an interview he gave to Pritish Nandy (of the Illustrated Weekly of Indiathen) in April 1985, Kishoreda was brutally honest. Here are some relevant excerpts for our learning:
Pritish Nandy: Well, some people think you are crazy about money. Others describe you as a clown, pretending to be kinky but sane as hell. Still others find you cunning and manipulative. Which is the real you?Kishore Kumar: I play different roles at different times. For different people. In this crazy world, only the truly sane man appears to be mad. Look at me. Do you think I’m mad? Do you think I can be manipulative?
Pritish Nandy: Well, you are notorious for the trouble you give your directors and producers. Why is that?Kishore Kumar: Nonsense. They give me trouble. You think they give a damn for me? I matter to them only because I sell. Who cared for me during my bad days? Who cares for anyone in this profession?
Pritish Nandy: Is that why you prefer to be a loner?Kishore Kumar: Look, I don’t smoke, drink or socialize. I never go to parties. If that makes me a loner, fine. I am happy this way. I go to work and I come back straight home. To watch my horror movies, play with my spooks, talk to my trees, sing. In this avaricious world, every creative person is bound to be lonely. How can you deny me that right?
Pritish Nandy: You don’t have many friends?Kishore Kumar: None.
Pritish Nandy: That’s rather sweeping.Kishore Kumar: People bore me. Film people particularly bore me. I prefer talking to my trees.
Pritish Nandy: People would have thought you crazy. In fact they already do.Kishore Kumar: Who said I’m crazy. The world is crazy; not me.
Pritish Nandy: Why do you have this reputation for doing strange things?Kishore Kumar: It all began with this girl who came to interview me. In those days I used to live alone. So she said: You must be very lonely. I said: No, let me introduce you to some of my friends. So I took her to the garden and introduced her to some of the friendlier trees. Janardhan; Raghunandan; Gangadhar; Jagannath; Buddhuram; Jhatpatajhatpatpat. I said they were my closest friends in this cruel world. She went and wrote this bizarre piece, saying that I spent long evenings with my arms entwined around them. What’s wrong with that, you tell me? What’s wrong making friends with trees?
Pritish Nandy: Nothing.Kishore Kumar: Then, there was this interior decorator - a suited, booted fellow who came to see me in a three-piece woollen Saville Row suit in the thick of summer and began to lecture me about aesthetics, design, visual sense and all that. After listening to him for about half an hour and trying to figure out what he was saying through his peculiar American accent, I told him that I wanted something very simple for my living room. Just water - several feet deep - and little boats floating around, instead of large sofas. I told him that the centre-piece should be anchored down so that the tea service could be placed on it and all of us could row up to it in our boats and take sips from our cups. But the boats should be properly balanced, I said, otherwise we might whizz past each other and conversation would be difficult. He looked a bit alarmed but that alarm gave way to sheer horror when I began to describe the wall decor. I told him that I wanted live crows hanging from the walls instead of paintings - since I liked nature so much. And, instead of fans, we could have monkeys farting from the ceiling. That’s when he slowly backed out from the room with a strange look in his eyes. The last I saw of him was him running out of the front gate, at a pace that would have put an electric train to shame. What’s crazy about having a living room like that, you tell me? If he can wear a woollen, three-piece suit in the height of summer, why can’t I hang live crows on my walls?
Pritish Nandy: I understand you are quitting Bombay and going away to Khandwa…Kishore Kumar: Who can live in this stupid, friendless city where everyone seeks to exploit you every moment of the day? Can you trust anyone out here? Is anyone trustworthy? Is anyone a friend you can count on? I am determined to get out of this futile rat race and live as I’ve always wanted to. In my native Khandwa, the land of my forefathers. Who wants to die in this ugly city?
Imagine in 1985, when information was much less easily available and people were a lot more conservative in India, Kishoreda’s ability to do what he wanted, giving a damn about what people thought, had, among many other things, a huge spiritual dimension to it. He was at peace with himself. And that’s perhaps why he was able to deliver such outstanding, soulful, masterpieces. That too from someone who had no formal training in music, who came to Mumbai only because he wanted to see his superstar brother Ashok Kumar and to meet his idol, the singer K.L.Saigal just once!
Our learning: Live your Life your way. That’s when Life’s way for you will be born!
This does not mean you must not serve others. Of course you must. But when you serve others and think you are making a sacrifice, you are really saying, you don’t want to be doing this, but are having to do this. This is where grief comes in. And where there is grief, how can there be joy? So, either you serve others selflessly or you just don’t do anything other than focusing on yourself. Either way, Live Life your way and be happy doing it!
Add captionToday is legendary Bollywood singer Kishore Kumar’s birthday (he passed away in 1987, at 58). He was one person who lived his Life fully, on his own terms, often being called ‘loony’ and ‘weird’ by people that knew him, but he enjoyed every bit of his Life! Further, his sense of enjoyment created his art, invaluable, priceless gems in Indian cinema music. It’s hard to imagine Kishoreda to have delivered the kind of songs he sang without being every bit of the unpredictable yet extremely humane person that he was. In an interview he gave to Pritish Nandy (of the Illustrated Weekly of Indiathen) in April 1985, Kishoreda was brutally honest. Here are some relevant excerpts for our learning:
Pritish Nandy: Well, some people think you are crazy about money. Others describe you as a clown, pretending to be kinky but sane as hell. Still others find you cunning and manipulative. Which is the real you?Kishore Kumar: I play different roles at different times. For different people. In this crazy world, only the truly sane man appears to be mad. Look at me. Do you think I’m mad? Do you think I can be manipulative?
Pritish Nandy: Well, you are notorious for the trouble you give your directors and producers. Why is that?Kishore Kumar: Nonsense. They give me trouble. You think they give a damn for me? I matter to them only because I sell. Who cared for me during my bad days? Who cares for anyone in this profession?
Pritish Nandy: Is that why you prefer to be a loner?Kishore Kumar: Look, I don’t smoke, drink or socialize. I never go to parties. If that makes me a loner, fine. I am happy this way. I go to work and I come back straight home. To watch my horror movies, play with my spooks, talk to my trees, sing. In this avaricious world, every creative person is bound to be lonely. How can you deny me that right?
Pritish Nandy: You don’t have many friends?Kishore Kumar: None.
Pritish Nandy: That’s rather sweeping.Kishore Kumar: People bore me. Film people particularly bore me. I prefer talking to my trees.
Pritish Nandy: People would have thought you crazy. In fact they already do.Kishore Kumar: Who said I’m crazy. The world is crazy; not me.
Pritish Nandy: Why do you have this reputation for doing strange things?Kishore Kumar: It all began with this girl who came to interview me. In those days I used to live alone. So she said: You must be very lonely. I said: No, let me introduce you to some of my friends. So I took her to the garden and introduced her to some of the friendlier trees. Janardhan; Raghunandan; Gangadhar; Jagannath; Buddhuram; Jhatpatajhatpatpat. I said they were my closest friends in this cruel world. She went and wrote this bizarre piece, saying that I spent long evenings with my arms entwined around them. What’s wrong with that, you tell me? What’s wrong making friends with trees?
Pritish Nandy: Nothing.Kishore Kumar: Then, there was this interior decorator - a suited, booted fellow who came to see me in a three-piece woollen Saville Row suit in the thick of summer and began to lecture me about aesthetics, design, visual sense and all that. After listening to him for about half an hour and trying to figure out what he was saying through his peculiar American accent, I told him that I wanted something very simple for my living room. Just water - several feet deep - and little boats floating around, instead of large sofas. I told him that the centre-piece should be anchored down so that the tea service could be placed on it and all of us could row up to it in our boats and take sips from our cups. But the boats should be properly balanced, I said, otherwise we might whizz past each other and conversation would be difficult. He looked a bit alarmed but that alarm gave way to sheer horror when I began to describe the wall decor. I told him that I wanted live crows hanging from the walls instead of paintings - since I liked nature so much. And, instead of fans, we could have monkeys farting from the ceiling. That’s when he slowly backed out from the room with a strange look in his eyes. The last I saw of him was him running out of the front gate, at a pace that would have put an electric train to shame. What’s crazy about having a living room like that, you tell me? If he can wear a woollen, three-piece suit in the height of summer, why can’t I hang live crows on my walls?
Pritish Nandy: I understand you are quitting Bombay and going away to Khandwa…Kishore Kumar: Who can live in this stupid, friendless city where everyone seeks to exploit you every moment of the day? Can you trust anyone out here? Is anyone trustworthy? Is anyone a friend you can count on? I am determined to get out of this futile rat race and live as I’ve always wanted to. In my native Khandwa, the land of my forefathers. Who wants to die in this ugly city?
Imagine in 1985, when information was much less easily available and people were a lot more conservative in India, Kishoreda’s ability to do what he wanted, giving a damn about what people thought, had, among many other things, a huge spiritual dimension to it. He was at peace with himself. And that’s perhaps why he was able to deliver such outstanding, soulful, masterpieces. That too from someone who had no formal training in music, who came to Mumbai only because he wanted to see his superstar brother Ashok Kumar and to meet his idol, the singer K.L.Saigal just once!
Our learning: Live your Life your way. That’s when Life’s way for you will be born!
August 3, 2015
Stop being a ‘nobody to anybody’
Sometimes we all see so much pain and suffering around us. And we wonder why is Life so harsh on people?
There is a reason.
Each instance of pain, every suffering fellow voyager through Life, is an invitation to us, an opportunity for us to lift ourselves from this quagmire of self-centered thinking and invest ourselves__our time, resources and efforts__meaningfully. And yet we hurry through Life, squirming at times when we see destitute people on the streets or hear of those who are living in agony and despair, promising ourselves that we will serve the rest of humanity when we have enough for ourselves first, which includes the most priceless commodity, our time!
Mother Teresa always reminded us of the folly in such thinking. She said that the best form of prayer was to serve those who needed love, understanding and caring. "One of the greatest diseases is to be a nobody to anybody. Only in heaven will we see how much we owe to the poor for helping us to love God better because of them," said. The time we have, this lifetime, is really not for merely rearing families, earning an income, planning for our retirement, and worrying about our past, present and future. It will be more meaningful to invest some of our time daily to touch lives__to cause a smile, to give some understanding, to lend a shoulder.
In making a difference to another Life, we will discover the God we so desperately seek. And, believe me, it is not so difficult to make a beginning. There are over 1 billion people that go hungry on the planet daily. Which means even if one of every 5 people feeds a hungry person daily, the hunger crisis can be mitigated. You could be one of those 5 people today! As Mother Teresa exhorted, "If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." What are you waiting for? Stop being sick__a nobody to anybody. Wake up and make a difference today!
There is a reason.
Each instance of pain, every suffering fellow voyager through Life, is an invitation to us, an opportunity for us to lift ourselves from this quagmire of self-centered thinking and invest ourselves__our time, resources and efforts__meaningfully. And yet we hurry through Life, squirming at times when we see destitute people on the streets or hear of those who are living in agony and despair, promising ourselves that we will serve the rest of humanity when we have enough for ourselves first, which includes the most priceless commodity, our time!
Mother Teresa always reminded us of the folly in such thinking. She said that the best form of prayer was to serve those who needed love, understanding and caring. "One of the greatest diseases is to be a nobody to anybody. Only in heaven will we see how much we owe to the poor for helping us to love God better because of them," said. The time we have, this lifetime, is really not for merely rearing families, earning an income, planning for our retirement, and worrying about our past, present and future. It will be more meaningful to invest some of our time daily to touch lives__to cause a smile, to give some understanding, to lend a shoulder. In making a difference to another Life, we will discover the God we so desperately seek. And, believe me, it is not so difficult to make a beginning. There are over 1 billion people that go hungry on the planet daily. Which means even if one of every 5 people feeds a hungry person daily, the hunger crisis can be mitigated. You could be one of those 5 people today! As Mother Teresa exhorted, "If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one." What are you waiting for? Stop being sick__a nobody to anybody. Wake up and make a difference today!
August 1, 2015
If you are happy and you know it, show it…!
Don’t be afraid to be happy. Being happy is neither sinful nor is it a crime. And if you are happy, let the world know, how you are feeling! Nothing wrong with it.
Yesterday I was having a conversation with a young journalist on happiness. I told her that most people want to be happy. But they are afraid to be happy. The young lady wanted me to elaborate. I told her: “The reason is that in the throes of all your problems you feel guilty being happy. So, you postpone happiness, hoping to solve all your problems in the meantime. But that’s not going to happen. You are never going to get to a problem-free state. So, the best way to live is to be happy
despite
your circumstances – whatever they may be.”
Happiness is not partying. Or shopping. Or drinking. Or eating. It is not about indulging yourself. It is about immersing yourself in the present moment, living every bit of it wholesomely. It is an inner feeling. And it is about being in the now and expressing yourself through it.
Ayyappan - The "Happy-Tree" Man
and the trees he has planted recently to
"celebrate the goodness in his organization"
I have known this gentleman Ayyappan who works for an NGO in Kanchipuram for some time now. He too has, like most of us, faced a lot of challenges in his Life. And through all of them he has learnt the art of being happy. He feels his happiness is about being true to himself. So, simply, he never does anything that makes him unhappy. Working in an NGO, he believes, gives him immense joy and inner peace. The act of serving, he says, helps him tame his desire to seek deservance. He also has a very interesting method, a way, by which he demonstrates his happiness. “Whenever some good happens around me, in my family or neighborhood or at work or in our country or in the world, I plant a tree. I want the tree to spread the energy and message of everlasting happiness,” explains Ayyappan, who has already been practising this ‘method’ for many years now.
I think it is a beautiful way of not just paying back, but also of reviewing how happy you have been – the more trees you can count, over time, means that’s how happy your Life has been. Besides, the trees will outlive you and keep contributing to make the world a much better than what it is now.
Ayyappan’s philosophy and method are both inspirational and practical. You don’t have to plant a tree if it’s not your ‘thing’ – you can feed someone, you can give someone a hug, you can educate a child or you can do whatever gives you joy! The nub is this: let’s not postpone or hide our happiness. Let’s dare to be happy and let’s show it.
Yesterday I was having a conversation with a young journalist on happiness. I told her that most people want to be happy. But they are afraid to be happy. The young lady wanted me to elaborate. I told her: “The reason is that in the throes of all your problems you feel guilty being happy. So, you postpone happiness, hoping to solve all your problems in the meantime. But that’s not going to happen. You are never going to get to a problem-free state. So, the best way to live is to be happy
despite
your circumstances – whatever they may be.”Happiness is not partying. Or shopping. Or drinking. Or eating. It is not about indulging yourself. It is about immersing yourself in the present moment, living every bit of it wholesomely. It is an inner feeling. And it is about being in the now and expressing yourself through it.
Ayyappan - The "Happy-Tree" Manand the trees he has planted recently to
"celebrate the goodness in his organization"
I have known this gentleman Ayyappan who works for an NGO in Kanchipuram for some time now. He too has, like most of us, faced a lot of challenges in his Life. And through all of them he has learnt the art of being happy. He feels his happiness is about being true to himself. So, simply, he never does anything that makes him unhappy. Working in an NGO, he believes, gives him immense joy and inner peace. The act of serving, he says, helps him tame his desire to seek deservance. He also has a very interesting method, a way, by which he demonstrates his happiness. “Whenever some good happens around me, in my family or neighborhood or at work or in our country or in the world, I plant a tree. I want the tree to spread the energy and message of everlasting happiness,” explains Ayyappan, who has already been practising this ‘method’ for many years now. 
I think it is a beautiful way of not just paying back, but also of reviewing how happy you have been – the more trees you can count, over time, means that’s how happy your Life has been. Besides, the trees will outlive you and keep contributing to make the world a much better than what it is now. Ayyappan’s philosophy and method are both inspirational and practical. You don’t have to plant a tree if it’s not your ‘thing’ – you can feed someone, you can give someone a hug, you can educate a child or you can do whatever gives you joy! The nub is this: let’s not postpone or hide our happiness. Let’s dare to be happy and let’s show it.
July 31, 2015
Wear your Life on your sleeve
Don’t worry about being vulnerable. Share openly. Bare yourself. Believe me, there are more people out there who are wanting and willing to help, than those who you fear may want to exploit you.
Today, August 1, 2015, marks the first anniversary of the launch of my Book – “Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money” (Westland, August 2014). A reader who walked up to me at the Odyssey bookstore the other day had this to say: “Thanks for writing the Book. What you shared made so much sense to me, as it will to many, many others. But you have shared so openly. You have been brutally honest. Don’t you feel vulnerable? Didn’t you think you will be judged? Don’t you feel insecure that your story, and its stark details will lead to people taking you for granted or even exploiting you?” I feel my reader’s point of view is founded on how we believe the world we live in is. This is how most of us see ourselves and the people around us. We imagine we are vulnerable and that the world is full of hawk-like people who want to exploit our vulnerability. From my experience though, I want to tell everyone – as I told this reader – that we are totally, totally, wrong if we hold that view.
Sharing makes people relate to you and your story. Sharing makes you draw on and gain from the positive energy that people around you are offering you. Sharing makes you realize that, not just you, but everyone out there is dealing with a situation – you can learn from them and they can learn from you. No one has exploited me or my wife Vaani because we have laid bare our Life in my Book or in my Talks or through Events we conduct to promote the idea that you can be happy despite your circumstances.
Several months ago, Vaani and I were summoned to appear in a court in another state. The law of that state stipulates that in a criminal complaint, such as the one against us, the “accused” must be remanded in custody immediately upon appearance. Of course, a judge hearing the matter, can grant bail to the accused against furnishing of relevant sureties. The judge who was hearing our matter was known to have a very inflexible outlook to matters relating to cheque bounces (such as the one we were accused of) and other economic offences. He always preferred leaning in favor of the complainant and encouraged parties to settle out of court – immediately – to reduce the workload on his already overloaded court. Now, we had no money. So, we could not take the out-of-court settlement route. This meant, per our lawyer, that Vaani and I would both be remanded into custody if we were to go by the judge’s approach to such matters. However, our lawyer, a 75-year-old patriarchal figure, agreed to make a plea for us to be granted bail upon appearance in court.
The judge heard our lawyer’s passionate plea. But rejected the appeal summarily. He then looked at Vaani and me, who were standing in the dock as “accused”, and said, “See, non-payment of monies due to a party can be construed as cheating. It is a serious offence. You have to make arrangements and make a commitment to this court as to when you can pay this party if you want bail.” Vaani and I looked at each other helplessly. And then looked remorsefully at the judge. I spoke: “Sir, we don’t have the money. And without the money, we don’t wish to make the commitment. I have only one request – my wife’s father is very ill (he indeed was in hospital at that time). She needs to be by his side. So, please grant her bail so that she can return to Chennai.” The judge did not reply. He looked at us sternly. He then looked at his watch, adjourned the court for lunch and advised me and my lawyer to see him in his chamber. In a few minutes we were with him in his chamber. He asked me to tell our story in 5 minutes. I took exactly that time and told him how we were in a dark abyss, with no way out in sight. I said it would be both impossible and incorrect to commit to any repayment to anyone until we were first able to find work that helped us survive and then find more work that will help us repay. The judge did not say anything. He asked us to appear in court in the afternoon. When the court resumed, he granted us both bail!
Vaani and I have found, again and again, that behind every person in power or authority, in fact behind every face, there is a beating heart and a personal story. People may not be willing to immediately share their stories just because you share yours. But they can relate to your story. Their relating to you and your story makes them compassionate. This is what the “milk of human kindness” is all about. So, we have never felt vulnerable or cheated or exploited. We have always found ourselves being understood and cared for. Yes, there have been – and continue to be – a few who judge us and refuse to trust us. But I believe even they can’t exploit us. Because when you lay yourself bare, there is nothing anyone can do to you anymore.
Wear your Life on your sleeve. Be honest. Share. Only then can you see what a beautiful world this is – full of kind, caring, compassionate folks!
Today, August 1, 2015, marks the first anniversary of the launch of my Book – “Fall Like A Rose Petal – A father’s lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money” (Westland, August 2014). A reader who walked up to me at the Odyssey bookstore the other day had this to say: “Thanks for writing the Book. What you shared made so much sense to me, as it will to many, many others. But you have shared so openly. You have been brutally honest. Don’t you feel vulnerable? Didn’t you think you will be judged? Don’t you feel insecure that your story, and its stark details will lead to people taking you for granted or even exploiting you?” I feel my reader’s point of view is founded on how we believe the world we live in is. This is how most of us see ourselves and the people around us. We imagine we are vulnerable and that the world is full of hawk-like people who want to exploit our vulnerability. From my experience though, I want to tell everyone – as I told this reader – that we are totally, totally, wrong if we hold that view.
Sharing makes people relate to you and your story. Sharing makes you draw on and gain from the positive energy that people around you are offering you. Sharing makes you realize that, not just you, but everyone out there is dealing with a situation – you can learn from them and they can learn from you. No one has exploited me or my wife Vaani because we have laid bare our Life in my Book or in my Talks or through Events we conduct to promote the idea that you can be happy despite your circumstances.
Several months ago, Vaani and I were summoned to appear in a court in another state. The law of that state stipulates that in a criminal complaint, such as the one against us, the “accused” must be remanded in custody immediately upon appearance. Of course, a judge hearing the matter, can grant bail to the accused against furnishing of relevant sureties. The judge who was hearing our matter was known to have a very inflexible outlook to matters relating to cheque bounces (such as the one we were accused of) and other economic offences. He always preferred leaning in favor of the complainant and encouraged parties to settle out of court – immediately – to reduce the workload on his already overloaded court. Now, we had no money. So, we could not take the out-of-court settlement route. This meant, per our lawyer, that Vaani and I would both be remanded into custody if we were to go by the judge’s approach to such matters. However, our lawyer, a 75-year-old patriarchal figure, agreed to make a plea for us to be granted bail upon appearance in court.
The judge heard our lawyer’s passionate plea. But rejected the appeal summarily. He then looked at Vaani and me, who were standing in the dock as “accused”, and said, “See, non-payment of monies due to a party can be construed as cheating. It is a serious offence. You have to make arrangements and make a commitment to this court as to when you can pay this party if you want bail.” Vaani and I looked at each other helplessly. And then looked remorsefully at the judge. I spoke: “Sir, we don’t have the money. And without the money, we don’t wish to make the commitment. I have only one request – my wife’s father is very ill (he indeed was in hospital at that time). She needs to be by his side. So, please grant her bail so that she can return to Chennai.” The judge did not reply. He looked at us sternly. He then looked at his watch, adjourned the court for lunch and advised me and my lawyer to see him in his chamber. In a few minutes we were with him in his chamber. He asked me to tell our story in 5 minutes. I took exactly that time and told him how we were in a dark abyss, with no way out in sight. I said it would be both impossible and incorrect to commit to any repayment to anyone until we were first able to find work that helped us survive and then find more work that will help us repay. The judge did not say anything. He asked us to appear in court in the afternoon. When the court resumed, he granted us both bail!
Vaani and I have found, again and again, that behind every person in power or authority, in fact behind every face, there is a beating heart and a personal story. People may not be willing to immediately share their stories just because you share yours. But they can relate to your story. Their relating to you and your story makes them compassionate. This is what the “milk of human kindness” is all about. So, we have never felt vulnerable or cheated or exploited. We have always found ourselves being understood and cared for. Yes, there have been – and continue to be – a few who judge us and refuse to trust us. But I believe even they can’t exploit us. Because when you lay yourself bare, there is nothing anyone can do to you anymore. Wear your Life on your sleeve. Be honest. Share. Only then can you see what a beautiful world this is – full of kind, caring, compassionate folks!
Life lessons from a ‘guru’ who I have never met – but whose presence I have always felt!
You can’t solve all your problems at the same time. Do what you can do in a given moment, do it well and let go. There is no other way to live Life. This is the only way to be happy.
This is what I have learnt from our guru, our teacher, Swami Sathya Sai Baba. Interestingly, I have never met Swami in my Life. But I have, over the last 7 years, experienced his presence every moment and his teachings have come in at all those crucial times when I have needed them the most.
I remember vividly. It was 8thMay, 2009. A Friday.
Earlier that week, given that we were dealing with the bankruptcy of our Firm, and were unable to repay our creditors, including my immediate family, there had been a showdown with my mother. I had borrowed money from her and had pledged my parents’ property (an apartment in Chennai’s Gandhi Nagar/Adyar area) with a bank. With the turn of events and the eventual collapse of my Firm, and my personal insolvency, I was neither able to return the money I owed my mother nor was I able to redeem their property from the bank. For whatever reason, best known to her, my mother, with whom I have always had a poor chemistry, imagined that my wife and I were faking a bankruptcy. She said I was a cheat and demanded how I was able to carry on living “flashily” while being unable to repay her. I have had so many arguments with my mother and several showdowns over the years of growing up, of knowing her and being her son. But this time, this showdown was gut-wrenching. The burden of the label she affixed on me, of a cheat, was unbearable. What she said was not so important but what weighed me down was that my own mother, my own biological creator, was saying it without wanting to understand me.
This showdown happened on Monday, 4thMay, 2009. For the next few days I was numb. I was struck by grief. 178 other creditors were chasing me, demanding money. Many of them were harassing me and my family. But facing all of them, and the stresses of having to convince people that I did not have money to repay, I never felt so beaten, so battered. But my mother calling me a cheat, this was something I could not get out of my mind. I hardly slept those next few days. (I have recounted this experience and others in my Book - "Fall Like A Rose Petal - A father's lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money"; Westland, August 2014) That’s when, seeing my plight, a friend recommended us to a Sai Bhajan. The host of this Bhajan is a young man who is a messenger of Swami – Swami speaks through him. Given that I am a rational thinker, my friend advised me and my wife to “hang all scientific thinking and reasoning at the door” and simply go in total surrender to a higher energy. At that time, I never had any disrespect for Swami – I always believed he was a great social worker and I felt the work he was doing in the Puttaparthi area was remarkable. But I didn’t, back then, think much of Swami as a guru or even as a swami.
Swami Sathya Sai BabaYet, convincing myself that I didn’t have anything to lose by following our friend’s suggestion, on Friday, 8thMay, 2009, I attended a Sai Bhajan for the first time in my Life, at this young “messenger’s” house. As the Bhajan was in progress, something happened within me. I simply broke down and cried inconsolably. I remember saying this to myself, “I don’t know you. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if you are indeed a swami, swami. All I know is that I am not a cheat. And I want you to help me and my family. We don’t know what to do. There is total darkness. There is no way. Please help. If you lead, we will follow.” You can call it a prayer. You can say it was a despondent appeal. Whatever it was, on that day, I couldn’t think of anything else to say or do. My own mother had called me a cheat – it seemed like the whole world had ended for me there. At the end of the Bhajan, my wife and I were invited to ask Swami questions – through the our young host, Swami’s messenger. We went into a private ante-chamber, where we were given vibhuti as prasad in a tiny zip-lock pouch. Words failed me and my wife. This seemed very illogical. Very bizarre. Yet, strangely, it seemed real. And true. Swami spoke through the young messenger: “I am now your mother and father. Your debt is mine. Just let go and be happy.” I had not told the young messenger anything. I had not talked of the issues I had with either my mother or of our bankruptcy and insolvency. But Swami was bang-on! He had addressed the most important issues that plagued us both at that moment. We were dumbstruck by what we heard. And that’s how our journey with Swami began – we simply let him be our coach, teacher and guru.
Over the last 6 years, whenever we have had problems – and we have had huge ones, almost every single day – Swami, through the young messenger, will only reiterate this one point: “Let go! And be happy. Focus on the now. Live in the moment. Tomorrow’s problem, we will see tomorrow. Stop the worrying. Just stop it.” Yet, Swami has never advised or allow inaction. He would always say: “Do what you can, what you must, to solve the problem. Take action. But don’t worry. Worrying is useless. It kills the spirit of all your action.” To be sure, never once has Swami, through the young messenger, asked us to do a puja or say a prayer or conduct a penance – the only thing he’s asked us to quit is, well, worrying! And there’s really nothing irrational about that advice!
Over time, this consistent coaching by Swami has helped us train our mind. I can’t say we don’t worry. But when worry arises like a wave, our awareness, our training, helps us tame that wave. We let go of the worry and move on. I am personally a lot more evolved and anchored as a person, a professional, a parent, a friend, a son, a brother and husband today – than I was just 6 years ago! And that’s because of Swami’s presence in my Life – his teachings and his hand-holding. He’s the guru I have never met, but whose presence I have always felt! To that presence, I offer myself on this Guru Purnima Day and onward…
This is what I have learnt from our guru, our teacher, Swami Sathya Sai Baba. Interestingly, I have never met Swami in my Life. But I have, over the last 7 years, experienced his presence every moment and his teachings have come in at all those crucial times when I have needed them the most.
I remember vividly. It was 8thMay, 2009. A Friday.
Earlier that week, given that we were dealing with the bankruptcy of our Firm, and were unable to repay our creditors, including my immediate family, there had been a showdown with my mother. I had borrowed money from her and had pledged my parents’ property (an apartment in Chennai’s Gandhi Nagar/Adyar area) with a bank. With the turn of events and the eventual collapse of my Firm, and my personal insolvency, I was neither able to return the money I owed my mother nor was I able to redeem their property from the bank. For whatever reason, best known to her, my mother, with whom I have always had a poor chemistry, imagined that my wife and I were faking a bankruptcy. She said I was a cheat and demanded how I was able to carry on living “flashily” while being unable to repay her. I have had so many arguments with my mother and several showdowns over the years of growing up, of knowing her and being her son. But this time, this showdown was gut-wrenching. The burden of the label she affixed on me, of a cheat, was unbearable. What she said was not so important but what weighed me down was that my own mother, my own biological creator, was saying it without wanting to understand me.
This showdown happened on Monday, 4thMay, 2009. For the next few days I was numb. I was struck by grief. 178 other creditors were chasing me, demanding money. Many of them were harassing me and my family. But facing all of them, and the stresses of having to convince people that I did not have money to repay, I never felt so beaten, so battered. But my mother calling me a cheat, this was something I could not get out of my mind. I hardly slept those next few days. (I have recounted this experience and others in my Book - "Fall Like A Rose Petal - A father's lessons on how to be happy and content while living without money"; Westland, August 2014) That’s when, seeing my plight, a friend recommended us to a Sai Bhajan. The host of this Bhajan is a young man who is a messenger of Swami – Swami speaks through him. Given that I am a rational thinker, my friend advised me and my wife to “hang all scientific thinking and reasoning at the door” and simply go in total surrender to a higher energy. At that time, I never had any disrespect for Swami – I always believed he was a great social worker and I felt the work he was doing in the Puttaparthi area was remarkable. But I didn’t, back then, think much of Swami as a guru or even as a swami.
Swami Sathya Sai BabaYet, convincing myself that I didn’t have anything to lose by following our friend’s suggestion, on Friday, 8thMay, 2009, I attended a Sai Bhajan for the first time in my Life, at this young “messenger’s” house. As the Bhajan was in progress, something happened within me. I simply broke down and cried inconsolably. I remember saying this to myself, “I don’t know you. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if you are indeed a swami, swami. All I know is that I am not a cheat. And I want you to help me and my family. We don’t know what to do. There is total darkness. There is no way. Please help. If you lead, we will follow.” You can call it a prayer. You can say it was a despondent appeal. Whatever it was, on that day, I couldn’t think of anything else to say or do. My own mother had called me a cheat – it seemed like the whole world had ended for me there. At the end of the Bhajan, my wife and I were invited to ask Swami questions – through the our young host, Swami’s messenger. We went into a private ante-chamber, where we were given vibhuti as prasad in a tiny zip-lock pouch. Words failed me and my wife. This seemed very illogical. Very bizarre. Yet, strangely, it seemed real. And true. Swami spoke through the young messenger: “I am now your mother and father. Your debt is mine. Just let go and be happy.” I had not told the young messenger anything. I had not talked of the issues I had with either my mother or of our bankruptcy and insolvency. But Swami was bang-on! He had addressed the most important issues that plagued us both at that moment. We were dumbstruck by what we heard. And that’s how our journey with Swami began – we simply let him be our coach, teacher and guru. Over the last 6 years, whenever we have had problems – and we have had huge ones, almost every single day – Swami, through the young messenger, will only reiterate this one point: “Let go! And be happy. Focus on the now. Live in the moment. Tomorrow’s problem, we will see tomorrow. Stop the worrying. Just stop it.” Yet, Swami has never advised or allow inaction. He would always say: “Do what you can, what you must, to solve the problem. Take action. But don’t worry. Worrying is useless. It kills the spirit of all your action.” To be sure, never once has Swami, through the young messenger, asked us to do a puja or say a prayer or conduct a penance – the only thing he’s asked us to quit is, well, worrying! And there’s really nothing irrational about that advice!
Over time, this consistent coaching by Swami has helped us train our mind. I can’t say we don’t worry. But when worry arises like a wave, our awareness, our training, helps us tame that wave. We let go of the worry and move on. I am personally a lot more evolved and anchored as a person, a professional, a parent, a friend, a son, a brother and husband today – than I was just 6 years ago! And that’s because of Swami’s presence in my Life – his teachings and his hand-holding. He’s the guru I have never met, but whose presence I have always felt! To that presence, I offer myself on this Guru Purnima Day and onward…
