P.E. Kavanagh's Blog, page 3

Titrate, Calibrate and Iterate – The Science of Happiness

Disclaimer: Yes, I used to be an engineer, but don’t be frightened. I will keep the geekery to a minimum.

We talk about happiness as if it is a Universal quality. In some ways, it is.

But mostly, it’s completely individual. What happiness feels like in my body is probably quite different than what happiness feels like in your body. Figuring out your own formula can be just like a chemistry project. Except much more fun. (For everyone but my honey who’s a full-on chemistry maestro. Seriously.)

Put on your safety glasses, and let’s get in the lab, people!

 

Titrate

Titration is the process of adding one item to another, veeeerrrry slowly, so that you know the exact point at which the two (or more) come into perfect proportion. How do you titrate happiness, you ask?

Think of your life as a glass of crystal clear water. The sources of happiness are little squeeze bottles of food coloring. Your particular happiness color is purple. Not just any purple, but the absolutely perfect purple. You start adding drops, one at a time, until the solution turns the color you want it to.

In your life, this is the first level of experimentation. Does your formula for happiness include red (nourishing food), blue (spiritual practice), green (self-expression) or hot pink (deep intimacy)? (OK, those happen to be mine…).

You add them in, being aware of how the overall color moves toward or away from what you’re looking for.

Knowing what makes you happy is a non-negotiable first step. It’s nearly impossible to hit a target you haven’t defined. It’s important to stay open to discovering new sources of happiness, as well. Perhaps that unlikely bottle of puce brings out the exact tonal quality that makes your purple pop.

 

Calibrate

Calibration is the act of measuring something relative to something else. It’s zeroing out the weight of the bowl when you’re weighing the flour for a recipe. (Yes, weighing flour is the most accurate way to measure it, btw.)

In life, this looks like bringing perspective into your pursuits. It means carrying a happiness batch with you at all times so that when things go sideways, (which they inevitably do) you are prepared. It means possibly lowering your expectations of what creates a ‘happy’ day so that more days will qualify.

[A former teacher of mine gave me the greatest calibration lesson I’ve ever had. She had two children with cancer. Unimaginable, I know. Her definition of a good day? When nobody threw up on her.]

We often set ourselves up for failure without meaning to. We expect cars to run perfectly, the weather to cooperate and our partners to be psychic. How about if we don’t put anything into our happiness kool-aid that relies on things outside of our control? What if we make happiness a mindset, with super achievable criteria?

 

Iterate

That’s just a fancy word for repeat, friends. Unlike chemistry, the science of happiness does not have a single, unchanging answer.

Every day we wake up a different set of cells (literally), which means the formula will likely change as well. Finding out what works on any given day, or in any particular moment, could require repeating the experiment. It could mean letting go of fancy purple, and appreciating a simple light green. It almost definitely means you will be experimenting, over and over, nearly every day of your glorious life.

 

The search for your unique happiness formula doesn’t have to be hard. Especially if you can be like that glass of water – fluid, resilient and receptive.

Infuse your exploration of the sources of your happiness with creativity, playfulness and acceptance, and you’ve created a container of contentment to add into the mix.

 

You can keep the goggles. They look pretty cool on you.

 

Did you know that I made a course to help you get closer to your happiness point? Yup, it’s true. You can get it for free right here: http://feedyoursoul.com/savor

The post Titrate, Calibrate and Iterate – The Science of Happiness appeared first on Feed Your Soul.

Mean, Inside or Out?

“Why are people so mean?”

 

These words came from a young woman during a recent session. Her voice shook.

 

It opened up a door at the base of my belly, releasing a noxious stream of memories: being ignored, betrayed, disregarded, disrespected, abused.

 

I knew the answer. It could roll off my tongue with the same autopilot that gets me to my daughter’s school every morning before I’m fully awake.

 

Meanness is an ego-based judgment.

We can never know what someone’s internal experience is or where they are in their spiritual growth.

What is perceived as meanness could actually be an impenetrable suffering, or a catalyst for our own awakening, or one of a million other explanations.

 

I could (and did) say all that.

 

But what I felt was OUCH.

 

I felt the pain that had created the question in the first place.

I felt the struggle to understand and process the incomprehensible.

I felt the unmistakable impulse to be a good person and live a good life.

I felt the frailty and vulnerability of human existence.

I felt the longing to love and be loved.

 

What we experience, according to all spiritual traditions, is for our greatest good. In fact, we chose it. Which doesn’t stop it from hurting.

 

Kindness is a big theme for me. (I wrote a manifesto about it.) It’s a huge part of why I do what I do. I’d like everybody to be nicer to each other. And nicer to me.

 

But I know the world is as much a reflection of my inner state as anything else. Which means I have to be nice to myself, first.

 

There’s a tool in psychotherapy, based on Gestalt psychology, that involves talking to yourself. It’s called Voice Dialogue, and it allows the patient to give voice to the part of them that is creating a ruckus.

 

For most of us, it’s the inner critic. Mine is named Mabel. She sports a stained housedress, old-fashioned curlers and a mostly-smoked cigarette hanging from her lower lip.

 

She does not utter a single sentence without profanity. She is the meanest person I’ve ever met. And, guess what?

 

She is me.

 

All her thoughts, feelings, beliefs and communications come from my own head. I know better than to let them out into the world, but that doesn’t stop her from yapping. She criticizes everything and everyone around her, in the most vicious way. She’s criticizing you right now.

 

She’s criticizing me all the time.

 

Mabel used to run things. It made for a very unhappy life. Then I realized that Mabel isn’t actually in charge. She works for Me.

 

Although her delivery is completely inappropriate, and her communication skills are abysmal, sometimes she has a point. Underneath all her ranting and raving, there are occasional nuggets of wisdom that could only have been born by sitting under a pile of $h!%.

 

Why are people so mean?

 

Because we hurt. And a hurt heart is like a chip in a mirror. What is reflected will always be marred. Until we let life polish the injury away. Mabel is the collective voice of all my damaged and broken parts.

 

It’s impossible (as far as I’ve seen) to get through this wild ride called life without accumulating a large number of dings, pocks, chips and cracks.

 

Some of us experience things that shatter us.

 

Sometimes it feels impossible that all those shards will ever fit together again. Sometimes, the whole thing needs to go into the fire to be liquefied and re-cast.

 

Before you look at another being, and decide they are mean… or wrong… or evil… try to remember:

 

Their cracks might be nearly irreparable.

 

Bonus points if you can allow in that maybe they have chosen to go through whatever shattered them so that you could experience compassion, empathy, gratitude and love.

 

The depth of feeling I experience when faced with another’s suffering can be uncomfortable. Especially if that suffering looks like exceptionally bad behavior.

 

But it reminds me of why I’m here. It reminds me of how much destruction I’m creating inside my own mind. It reminds me that anything I desire in the world must first start with me.

 

Kindness to self unlocks the door to kindness toward others. (Tweet that.)

 

Mabel is free to squawk and bark as much as she wants now. I know who’s in charge.

 

The Antidote to Discontent
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Interested in feeling more contented and connected? Learn how to master The Inner Game of Success with my FREE 3-part course right here.

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Brilliance

I’ve been feeling crappy for a few years now.

 

Admittedly, my version of crappy is probably pretty good for the average person. But I don’t live an average life.

 

The noticeable dip in my energy, stamina, excitement, creativity and overall juiciness has been wreaking some havoc with my big and grand to-do’s.

 

After some unsuccessful tinkering, I decided to seek medical help. The first doctor wanted $20,000 to ‘fix’ me. I passed.

 

Most of the healing folks who sounded interesting to me were either not taking new patients or had waiting lists into the next century.

 

Some fiery combination of frustration and desperation unleashed my inner Sage-Warrior-Goddess, who said, in no uncertain terms, “Heal thyself, girl!!”

 

I listened. I took my lifetime of healthful habits and turned them upside down, looking for the culprit. I read and studied all the credible work around my symptoms. I put together a plan, approaching this mid-life reset like a scientist. A wee bit mad, perhaps.

 

It appears to be working.

 

The first few days of my drastic dietary change, I felt so awful I nearly took myself to the ER. Several times.

 

Some might ask, “Why go through such drastic measures when you basically feel good enough?”

 

Because good enough isn’t.

 

Some might say, “It’s perfectly normal, at your age, to experience these symptoms.”

 

Maybe, but I’m not interested in normal, either.

 

From my perspective, this is the only go-round I’m getting with these particulars– this body, this mind, the people around me, the time, the place…

 

I’m not wasting it on ‘good enough’. What am I looking for? Brilliance.

 

Brilliance like super-intelligence… sure. But mostly, brilliance like a jewel.

 

To hold and mold light.

To be unmistakably vibrant.

To collect, distill and transmit the most powerful teachings.

To illuminate everyone around me.

To be strong and solid, clear and light.

To sparkle.

With the vision in mind, and the path completely undefined, I began.

 

Before I made a single change, I asked…

What am I eating that may be causing trouble (even if I’ve been eating it for the past 40 years with no issue)?


What am I thinking that’s causing or adding to the distress (even if getting to the bottom of those thoughts feels like walking through the scariest haunted house EVER)?


What is my heart asking for, in a voice so soft I have to use all my focus to hear it?


What are all the signs (and yes, there are LOTS of signs) pointing to, that may have been hard for me to see?

 

Just this morning, the following woke me before the sun:

How can I be MORE compassionate, loving, patient and clear with myself and others?

 

At this point, the questions outnumber the answers. Perhaps that’s the way it will always be. The healing is happening, regardless. And perhaps that’s how it has always been.

 

Even if you’re not struggling with an issue right now (but, then again, who isn’t?) these questions can lead you on a journey of self-discovery that runs right into the gleaming gem of your life.

 

Change is hard. Mediocrity is harder. (Tweet that.)

 

I’d love to see you shine. Glimmer, gleam, glow, twinkle, radiate, blaze.

 

P.S. If you’d like a guide on the side, I’m here. PLEASE get in touch.

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love. Love. LOVE.

A friend and colleague (who happens to be a dating and relationship expert) recently posted about how she manifested her soulmate in 30 days.

It got me thinking…

Anybody interested in how I manifested my soulmate in 30 YEARS??

Perhaps not.

There’s an entire industry devoted to coaching people towards the relationship of their dreams. Even in my most desperate days, I never felt attracted to that particular approach. Love remains a mystery, even when it bathes the entirety of my life.

As I (excitedly) roll towards Valentine’s Day (which offers so many of my favorites – hearts, sparkles and the color red), I share with you my view of love and hope the holiday reminds you of how lovable you are.

I mean it. Come here and give me a smooch…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The perfectly paved path that used to define my flawless relationship with my daughter has hit a few potholes lately. Her pressing against the constraints of youth has been pushing against my own tender places as a mother and a being. The difficulties accumulate.

 

Consistently, however, I have these moments of transcendence. When I look at her, think of her, or experience her in some way, I am filled with a sensation for which I have no better word than Love.

 

It is not the love I know of ownership, desire, or craving. It is not even the love of fulfillment and satisfaction. It is an entirely other thing.

 

In those moments, when the experience of my inner world becomes indescribable, I wonder if this intensity of emotion belongs in the human experience. What purpose does this nearly overwhelming emotion play, other than ensuring early survival, which would require a mere fraction of what has actually transpired?

 

My only answer is that, for me at least, this is the gateway to LOVE. Again, not the love of songs, stories or cinema. LOVE as an inherent state of being – that which connects each of us to the other, like the molecules of breath we share.

 

Sometimes I can see it clearly. More often than not, it stays hidden behind the masks of this flesh-and-blood life. Always, the opportunity is there, a rare gift that transmits through and transcends the senses I am so deeply grateful for.

 

I have experienced great and grand love in my life and if it were all taken away from me in the next breath, I would not feel like I missed out on any of life’s great experiences. There has been an abundance of family, friend and intimate connections in my life. More than any one person could possibly deserve, I sometimes wonder.

 

My daughter opened a door for me that only a very few had ventured through before. I am not sure if I could have even conceived of the experience before her, despite my many decades of an open-hearted life. The intensity brings me to my knees, in prayer, surrender and the deepest gratitude.

 

All these flavors of love have their place in the human experience.

 

There’s the love of my senses: I love kale, my MacBook Air, and the new Maroon 5 song.

There’s the love of my heart: I Love my girl, my guy, and the legion of bright souls who have illuminated my time here.

There’s the love of my soul: I LOVE.

 

The first two represent states of doing, while the last is a state of being. The difference is subtle and vast at the same time. I don’t decry any as inferior.

 

When we acknowledge that LOVE is the natural state of the soul, perhaps the others (love, Love) come more easily. When we tune into the energy that creates and connects all life, everything gets better. [Important note: This doesn’t mean that we automatically like everything or everyone. That’s a whole different matter.]

 

LOVE lives within us and around us nonetheless.

 

I feel deeply thankful that I get to enjoy love that fills my senses, that fills my heart, and that forms the basis of my existence. Sometimes all at the same time. I am awed by the amount of pleasure each can bring.

 

Thank You.

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The Dance of Giving and Receiving

Give And Take – Magnificent bronze sculpture by Lorenzo Quinn

Many, many years ago I attended a seminar led by a renowned spiritual teacher. One of the most important lessons I learned during that enlightening weekend was a lesson on input and output.

 

The breath was the metaphor he used. The system of breathing, which happens naturally and automatically for nearly every human being, only works when what is taken in is balanced by what is given out.

 

So many of us who live in the worlds of inner development, whether personally or professionally, are a bit off in our dance of balance. (I just may be the poster child for this imbalance, by the way.)

 

To take in is easy. To learn more, to consume more, to be the recipients of what others are giving, requires very small amounts of courage, risk or action. And it appears like a perfectly fine way to live a life. After all, who wouldn’t want to have more, know more and be more?

 

The problem lies when this becomes the predominant activity, just like over-weight happens when we take in more food than the energy we burn. Or we pass out from holding our breath.

 

It’s downright scary to give. Messages of unworthiness, incapability, and not-enoughness act as obstacles to our inherent impulse to share. To exhale.

 

I recently did an enormous clothing purge. My daughter and I spent an afternoon emptying our drawers and closets to remove what no longer served us. Contractor bags full of clothes, shoes and accessories filled the hallway between our bedrooms as we grew giddy from the lightness of less.

 

I knew that my valuable, unworn items, which I had held onto for the somedays that never came, could be of great value to many. Perhaps the woman breaking into the workforce who could not afford something decent to wear to an interview could rock it in my navy Anne Klein suit. Perhaps her daughter would, for the first time, have a trendy pair of skinny jeans to wear to school. Perhaps my coat would keep someone warm and dry this winter.

 

That wasn’t so hard, although it took a significant amount of energy to get it going. It was, however, a much-needed step in the right direction.

 

Much more frightening than offering what is in my closet, is the idea of sharing what is in my heart. To stand on the shaky perch as a teacher, a guide, a mentor, a counselor. Even as a parent, a partner, a friend.

 

We are here, sharing this time on this planet, as each other’s teachers. Wherever you are on the path, you have something that someone else can use.

 

Who is to say what you offer has any value? Who is to say you have anything useful to share? Who is to say you know enough? Who is to say you are enough?

 

You are. Period.

 

Accumulating knowledge without sharing our teachings is about as useful and sustainable as inhaling without exhaling. To be the bearer of our own gifts can open us up to ridicule, rejection and risk. It is the path of heroes and heroines, wearing the costumes of regular folk.

 

Your fear is a lighthouse illuminating the oceans of possibility towards your gifts. (Tweet that.)

 

And gifts are meant to be given, not collected and hoarded.

 

Whether you are actively taking (signing up for that new course by your favorite teacher) or passively receiving (accepting help from a friend), it is crucial to encourage the flow of energy by actively giving (the pile of clothes I gave to my dear friend) or passively offering (announcing my upcoming workshop). It not only feels better, it creates more space and availability for you to receive.

 

What is your relationship to giving and taking? I’d love to know.

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The Vaulter – A Parable

The first time she picks up the pole it feels completely unnatural. It is heavy, bouncy and awkward. She hardly knows how to hold it so it doesn’t fall, or take her off balance.

She learns how to run, holding the pole at the perfect angle against her body, so it keeps her aerodynamic. To merely move her legs in a coordinated way is not enough. She must run with all her might.

The first time she plants the pole in the ground, it jars her body, and she barely makes it off the ground. The abrupt stop to her powerful forward motion must transition smoothly to an upward arc. Otherwise, it feels like getting hit by a truck.

There are many mis-takes, many false starts, and terrible landings. There is frustration, confusion and pain. There is self-doubt.

And then… one day she runs, she plants and she breathes in just the perfect way that floats her body above the horizontal bar. She is flying. The trajectory of her leap makes a perfect rainbow-shaped arc against the blue sky.

The final step is to let go. All those tools and techniques which brought her to this place, hovering above the bar high up in the air, must all be released in order to continue moving forward. Her hands must release the pole and she must trust her own momentum and ability.

The timing is critical. Letting go too soon, before she has achieved the right height, produces a hard landing. Letting go too late, which is much more common, keeps her crashing into the bar, never realizing the graceful glide up and over.  

The sensations of floating and falling, untethered and free, are ecstatic. 

Gravity eventually brings her back down to the ground, for that is where she has chosen to live. But now she knows how to fly, if even for the briefest moment.

 

This is my favorite analogy for spiritual practice. All the tricks, methods and practices we learn – to meditate, to do yoga, to breathe – are but the means to bring us up-close and personal with our own inherent ability to transcend.

 

There is nothing more intimate than getting to know your inner self, to speaking in soft whispers to that still, small voice that holds your strength, grace and wisdom.

 

The point is not to rigidly adhere to any program or practice prescribed by anyone. It is to get yourself there – to the mat, the cushion, and the patch of grass – and learn the methods so well that your trust in the process removes the need for whatever is not yours. We must let go of the pole to successfully vault over the bar.

 

When the grasp is released, the body is soft and the spirit is free, all of the hard work of preparation and training fade into the background, and the fruits of practice are revealed.

 

There is nothing more to do. You have everything you need. YOU ARE ALL YOU NEED.

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Where Expression and Compassion Meet

There’s a lot of talk in the self-development word about authenticity.

It seems to be the buzzword that everyone’s after.

 

Complete self-expression is my version of authenticity, and has been the theme of my adult life. It was a response to my silence as a young person, deathly afraid of speaking for my first two decades. (Yes, it’s true.) I was silent, afraid and unheard.

Now, I regularly share about everything from airport rants to menstruation. It is liberating and gratifying. Even when the responses are less than positive, or it elicits radio silence.

Compassion figures prominently in my practice of authentic expression. Toward myself and others. But I realize that that is sometimes not the case.

Somehow authenticity has been misconstrued to mean anything goes. (“Yes, you do look fat in that dress.”)

That’s not the point, IMHO.

The goal of communication is to add positively to the world, not just to allow whatever is rumbling around in your brain to poison the space around you. More cruelty and hatred have no part in a world already overly full with those actions. Even in the name of provocation or fun. Freedom of speech is one thing. Healing is quite another.

 

I know that when I’m about to utter something that adds to the suffering in the world, it was not created from an authentic place. It is the voice of my ego. It is a sharing of the part of me that is also hurt, with the goal of spreading that pain.

When tempered by compassion, words and actions can be like the fire of transformation or the embrace of the Divine. (Tweet that.)

 

It’s not about feeling stifled, either. Swallowing down what wants to come out is not the solution. A bit of self-inquiry just might be.

What is my intention behind the words? Is it to hurt or to heal?
What if I didn’t say it? Would things be better or worse?
Is there some deeper truth, about my own situation, that is being concealed by reactive meanness?

 

I heard the following quote some time ago:

Everything is either an act of love, or a cry for love.

 

I saw it again, recently, in an otherwise mediocre book I’m reading for school. I’m reminded of the deeper truth here, and how just that one idea makes everything feel better and make more sense to me.

It helps me look at horrible acts in the world through the eyes of compassion for the suffering of the aggressor. It helps me temper the reactivity when my ego proclaims the wrongness of something or someone. It does not make me an apathetic, placid person. Quite the opposite, in fact. It helps me create beauty (in the same way horseshit makes your vegetables healthy and nourishing).

And when something toxic does slip out? Well, here’s the biggest test of my compassion: Towards myself.

 

Can you let your voice be heard, carried on a bubble of kindness from your heart?

Can your words ALWAYS be an act of love?

 

Let’s try that together, shall we?

 

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Devotion. Full Stop.

Full stop. It’s the British term for period. (The kind at the end of a sentence.)

Beginnings and endings are featuring large in my life these days. In addition to the (obvious) New Year, there are starts and stops all over the place.

 

Here’s what’s stopping:

My crazed travel binge is coming to a close. The impetus that threw me around our beautiful planet over and over again is starting to wane, replaced by an urge to nest. A craving for home and hearth and heart. A longing for a space and a place that feel like a warm hug. An aversion to the temporary, the tentative and the ‘Just for now…” way of being.

For those of you cringing at the thought of my drastically reduced airline elite status, worry not. My wanderlust isn’t completely gone – I’ll still be traveling to Los Angeles for school, and to Seattle for my beloved. But the humongous 30-hour treks to remote corners of the planet will be on hold for a while.

 

Here’s what’s starting:

* Better self-care. I have every conceivable resource available to me in terms of my physical health. It’s time to start walking my talk, and make sure middle age doesn’t start to look and feel like old age.

* Growing a local community (again). I know there are so many beautiful souls in my proximity. I want to see you!

* More writing. Books, articles and canvases filled with words (and love).

 

Here’s what’s starting AND stopping:

Periods. (The other kind.) Marking the era of fertility and a certain version of womanhood. In my house, we’re holding the beginning and the ending, like the brackets on something big and beautiful.

 

Here’s what’s weaving the whole thing together:

DEVOTION. To myself, to my loved ones, to my calling and to you.

 

The theme I’ve chosen for 2015 is DEVOTION. I saw the word used casually in an article and it sent shivers down my spine.

The idea had begun to call me towards the end of 2014, in the impossibility  of trying to be the best teacher, speaker, writer, mother, lover and business owner, all at the same time, while traveling more than 50% of the time. There was not enough focus, not enough commitment to what my heart wanted, and not enough nurturing to allow any of my seedlings to grow and flourish.

I heard the whisper, “Here is what you are missing…”

DEVOTION fills the space between initiation and completion.

DEVOTION feels like the opposite of the scattered energy of having your hand in waaaaay too many pots. It turns the events of your life into a prayer that honors both the present moment, and also the future of possibilities.

Without it, I waft and waver in some middle space that feels like nothing and nowhere. Busy-ness, avoidance and uncertainty suck all the air and light out of every room.

When I define my roles as mother, teacher and lover as prayers of intention, gratitude and transmission from all the Divine forces that guide me, there is no other option than to acknowledge how magical it all is. This, as clear as the recent full moon, calls for nothing short of full and outright DEVOTION.

There are full stops and new starts.

There are periods and there are periods.

There is planting, tending, listening and thanking. There is DEVOTION.

 

What needs to begin and what needs to end?

What sacred thing is calling for your attention?

How will you respond?

 

Don’t let another day (or year) go by before building a life worthy of your DEVOTION.

 

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The Ones We Choose

I love pondering the divine play between physical and spiritual worlds. I often savor these thoughts like a slow-melting piece of fine chocolate.

 

One of my favorites concerns reincarnation. (I’m guessing you’re rolling your eyes and mouthing, ‘Of course it does…’)

 

It is believed that souls travel together in packs, like wolves or teenage girls. Between incarnations, while hanging around in infinite non-time, non-space Nirvana, they set up a plan for the next go-round.

 

I picture it like a big casting call at a community theater, each spirit deciding which part they get to play.

 

“Why don’t you be the mother this time?”

“Wait, I want to be the mother!”

“Ok, fine. Then I’ll have to be the wife.”

“Great! And I get to be the son.”

 

As fun and fanciful as that scene was to me the first time I imagined it, was the stark realization of what that meant in my own life. I chose my family. Gulp.

 

Some parts are easy. I am constantly thanking my daughter for choosing me. And I mean it. It is truly the gift of a lifetime. (Especially considering she doesn’t think that’s weird at all. OK, well, maybe a little.)

 

It is as clear to me as my right hand that my best friend and I are soul mates. It’s even clear where my ex-husband fits in.

 

But my family of origin? That’s a tough one.

 

The truth of that belief – that I chose them – is unshakable. There are no coincidents. The proof? There has been no place richer with lessons than my dealings with my immediate family. Can you relate?

 

To accept that I chose my family opens the door to the realization that all those people whose presence in my life feels a bit like sandpaper… well… I chose them too.

 

That changes the situation quite dramatically, I believe.

That woman who just flipped me off on the highway? I chose her.
The lover who betrayed me? I chose him.
The plumber who ripped me off? Chose him too.

 

The world moves from being a sea of strangers (and sometimes malevolent ones) to a handpicked assortment of blessing-bringers. Everywhere I look I see other souls I selected to love me, hurt me, heal me and help me grow (sometimes all in the same person).

 

“When you change the way you look at the world, the world changes,” as Wayne dyer says.

 

What would change in your life if you believed this was true? If you knew that everyone around you was meant to be there, for your greatest good?

 

Many of us spend huge amounts of time attempting to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good, and eliminating people who don’t. This, in my experience, has been altogether futile.

 

Why not embrace whom we’ve brought along on this particular journey? Doesn’t that just plain feel better? It does to me.

 

I offer you, the global YOU, my Universe of soul-buddies, my deepest thanks.

 

To you, whose love feels like a warm embrace

To you, who teaches me how to dance with fire

To you, whose toughness made me soft

To you, whose softness made me strong

To you, who teaches me what grace and strength look like

To my family… genetic, soul and otherwise

 

I choose you.

Thank you for choosing me.

 

May the end of 2014 bring peace, love and joy more deeply into your life. Unless of course, your soul-circle chose rockin’, rollin’, crazy delight.

 

With the deepest love and gratitude,

Pascale

 

P.S. I am just about to take another spin around the globe, this time for purely personal reasons. My beloved is taking me to his homeland, to meet the parents and celebrate the holidays.

I reflect on what a gift he has been in my life, and how my circle of souls is about to get just a little bit bigger. I welcome them in.

P.S.S. I am finishing up my work for the year, and taking some time for rest, reflection and revelry. It was amazing, guiding so many bold souls in making 2014 the year they wanted it to be.

Do you feel the call? Isn’t it time to invite more grace and ease in your life? I can help. Now’s the time to start assembling the ingredients for a delicious 2015. Let’s talk. Soon.

The post The Ones We Choose appeared first on Feed Your Soul.

Thailand Tales II – Befriending the Dragon (or Better Out Than In)

We are healed of a suffering only by expressing it to the fullest.

~Marcel Proust
 

It wasn’t long after my daughter was born that one of her superpowers was revealed. Her body had the uncanny ability to reject (sometimes violently) what it did not want.

 

This resulted in an enormous number of outfit changes for herself and anyone in a 3-foot radius, as well as a family mantra. To counter her eventual self-consciousness about the whole thing we all started chanting: Better out than in.

 

Over a decade later, that mantra remains (as do vestiges of her superpower), and has taken on a whole new dimension of meaning.

 

I’ve just returned from Thailand. Lest you picture exotic beaches, tropical drinks and nonstop massages (Ok… maybe there was some of that…) let me inform you that the work we did was grueling. I personally touched some of the darkest, stickiest, stinkiest inner landscape I have ever experienced. For someone whose recent decades have been a constant quest for personal and spiritual healing, I remain surprised at how much… yuckiness… remains.

 

It would be easy to believe that despite all the exploration and excavation I’m constantly doing that if something is lodged that deeply in my psyche, maybe it should stay there. Locked up, never to see the light of day.

 

Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way. Trauma, grief, resentment and anger wreak havoc on our bodies and minds, even when we don’t know (or allow!) that they’re there. Even as I experience how painful it is to re-live what I only wanted to bury, I am reminded of the mantra I created: Better out than in.

Better to grieve a loss, even if the culturally accepted timeframes have passed, than to numb the heartache with denial
Better to curse the injustices in the world, than to pretend that ‘everything is fine’.
Better to offer the sounds of rage to the woods or a pillow, than to swallow that particular poison

 

To Remember:

Standing strongly in the face of what can feel impossibly hard is the definition of courage.

Knowing that anything we suppress takes us farther from the truth of our divinity is wisdom.

Loving what is, no matter how gruesome we perceive it to be, is the key to our liberation.

 

When my Dark Witch, the one who can just as easily use her powers for evil as for good, is let out into the light of day, all her pent-up wrath dissolves. She has nothing more to push against, and so her power transforms. Instead of being dangerous, she becomes the one who stands up for herself and protects others. Her antics can be naughty, certainly, but her fire and ire blaze with love.

 

To Do:

Come to know what lies beneath, no matter how dark and scary, and the path to healing has begun.

Honor your body, mind and soul when they react, as they are showing you what needs your attention.

Befriend the parts of you that make you cringe in shame, or contract in fear, and their imprisonment of your heart will end. (Tweet that.)

 

Even my daughter knows… better out than in.

 

Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure.
~ Rainier Maria Rilke

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