Juliet Cook's Blog, page 159
March 29, 2011
New tidbits plus an old interview at Birds of Lace
Last week was a rough one for me - and this week started out that way too - lots of stress, frustration, sadness, and more - BUT, I cannot allow myself to focus on the negative or frustrating stuff - I must continue to try my best!
Yesterday, I started feeling better while painting a skull box. I've also been working on a new article (using several of the last few blog posts below, slightly updated and revised) plus more and I've also been working on the next Thirteen Myna Birds update, which will hopefully happen later today.
Today there is a new online version of an older (poetry-oriented) interview with me that was originially published in a print publication called Freshette - and is now available online at Birds of Lace (thank you Gina Abelkop!).
I remember receiving the print version while I was still in the hospital shortly after my stroke last year, so I wrote this content over a year ago, but it is still good to see it online now.
Here's a snippet: "every once in a while, I get in a mode in which I start thinking about the possible pointlessness of it all or maybe even the frivolousness of it all or maybe even the self-indulgence involved with investing so much time and energy into creating these little art projects that probably mostly just matter to me. However, we all have to find our sense of special meaning and significance somewhere—for some, it's in the camaraderie surrounding sports, for some it's through religious beliefs, for some it's political activism, for some it's careerism... For me, it's poetry. I feel that this realm is where my voice truly belongs and can most authentically express itself, whether or not my expressions resonate for others."
Read more by clicking the link: http://birdsoflace.wordpress.com/2011/03/29/an-interview-wjuliet-cook/
Yesterday, I started feeling better while painting a skull box. I've also been working on a new article (using several of the last few blog posts below, slightly updated and revised) plus more and I've also been working on the next Thirteen Myna Birds update, which will hopefully happen later today.
Today there is a new online version of an older (poetry-oriented) interview with me that was originially published in a print publication called Freshette - and is now available online at Birds of Lace (thank you Gina Abelkop!).
I remember receiving the print version while I was still in the hospital shortly after my stroke last year, so I wrote this content over a year ago, but it is still good to see it online now.
Here's a snippet: "every once in a while, I get in a mode in which I start thinking about the possible pointlessness of it all or maybe even the frivolousness of it all or maybe even the self-indulgence involved with investing so much time and energy into creating these little art projects that probably mostly just matter to me. However, we all have to find our sense of special meaning and significance somewhere—for some, it's in the camaraderie surrounding sports, for some it's through religious beliefs, for some it's political activism, for some it's careerism... For me, it's poetry. I feel that this realm is where my voice truly belongs and can most authentically express itself, whether or not my expressions resonate for others."
Read more by clicking the link: http://birdsoflace.wordpress.com/2011/03/29/an-interview-wjuliet-cook/
March 27, 2011
Paper Ephemera - It will please you
This is a teeny little snippet from one of several offerings of paper ephemera newly available from Blood Pudding Press, presenting you with some oddly unique, fun vintage and/or artsy innards from a variety of different magazines - to use within your own unique art!
See more & find out more here:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress?section_id=5216837
Paper Ephmera - It will please you
This is a teeny little snippet from one of several offerings of paper ephemera newly available from Blood Pudding Press, presenting you with some oddly unique, fun vintage and/or artsy innards from a variety of different magazines - to use within your own unique art!
See more & find out more here:
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress?section_id=5216837
March 25, 2011
Voodoo Doughnut Yum!
I received my first ever Voodoo Doughnut in the mail today, sent to me by the delightful Mackenzie M! Yay! Thank ye poodle!
Prepare to be pretzel stabbed and bitten!
*
A few eating photos coming soon...
Prepare to be pretzel stabbed and bitten!
*
A few eating photos coming soon...
March 24, 2011
Picture Dictionary Stress
Some months ago I used a "first picture dictionary" rather frequently as part of my therapy, because even though it is indeed a children's book, it focuses on lots of those easy little words that my damaged brain has serious trouble with. I hadn't opened the book in a while and did so earlier today, hoping that since time had elapsed, the book would be much easier for me now. Unfortunately, it was not.
Row by row, I covered up all the words and looked at the pictures and tried to think of those words. Each row had several pictures above it (usually 3-5). I would concentrate hard - and I would be lucky if I got 1 or 2 of those words. Sometimes I could think of the first letter but not the whole word. Sometimes I couldn't think of anything.
I was not clueless as to what any of the items WERE, but I sure couldn't think of the words quickly or easily or anything like that. The word GLOVE for example; it's an easy little word; if someone else uses that word, I know what it is/what it means; but can I always easily think of it? No. That was one of many children's book words I could not think of today. It is very frustrating.
Here are a few other small examples.
One row had SOCKS, KNEE SOCKS, SLIPPERS, and TIGHTS. I concentrated and was able to think of socks and knee socks. I could not get slippers. I knew the other one started with a t, but could not get tights.
One row had CAR, TRUCK, and TRAIN. After concentrating a lot, I finally got car and truck, but could not get the other. I concentrated longer and harder and finally thought of train, but then truck left my head and got replaced by bus and wouldn't come back until I actually looked at the word.
One row had DOMINO, DIE, and TOY BRICK.. I could not get any of those.
One row had FIREPLACE, VASE, and COFFEE TABLE. After some concentration, I got vase and then the word fire, but not that whole word; I kept thinking fire escape rather than fireplace until I looked at the word. I don't remember what I thought of instead of coffee table, but it did not include either of those words.
I thought of FAUCET instead of SINK. I couldn't think of THERMOMETER, although I knew it started with a t. I finally got TWEEZERS and NAIL CLIPPERS after concentrating for a long time. For a while, nail polish came into my mind rather than nail clippers. I had to concentrate really hard to finally get BANDAGES (well I thought Bandaids) and TISSUES.
Again, these are just a few of many examples. I made it through about 19 pages of concentrating before I had to take a break from concentrating so much and feeling so stressed out.
*
So of the many words that are very difficult fort me to manage:
Food types, specific clothing types, dog and other animal types, insect types, kitchen and other household equipment, names, and the list goes on (and on and on and on)...
Row by row, I covered up all the words and looked at the pictures and tried to think of those words. Each row had several pictures above it (usually 3-5). I would concentrate hard - and I would be lucky if I got 1 or 2 of those words. Sometimes I could think of the first letter but not the whole word. Sometimes I couldn't think of anything.
I was not clueless as to what any of the items WERE, but I sure couldn't think of the words quickly or easily or anything like that. The word GLOVE for example; it's an easy little word; if someone else uses that word, I know what it is/what it means; but can I always easily think of it? No. That was one of many children's book words I could not think of today. It is very frustrating.
Here are a few other small examples.
One row had SOCKS, KNEE SOCKS, SLIPPERS, and TIGHTS. I concentrated and was able to think of socks and knee socks. I could not get slippers. I knew the other one started with a t, but could not get tights.
One row had CAR, TRUCK, and TRAIN. After concentrating a lot, I finally got car and truck, but could not get the other. I concentrated longer and harder and finally thought of train, but then truck left my head and got replaced by bus and wouldn't come back until I actually looked at the word.
One row had DOMINO, DIE, and TOY BRICK.. I could not get any of those.
One row had FIREPLACE, VASE, and COFFEE TABLE. After some concentration, I got vase and then the word fire, but not that whole word; I kept thinking fire escape rather than fireplace until I looked at the word. I don't remember what I thought of instead of coffee table, but it did not include either of those words.
I thought of FAUCET instead of SINK. I couldn't think of THERMOMETER, although I knew it started with a t. I finally got TWEEZERS and NAIL CLIPPERS after concentrating for a long time. For a while, nail polish came into my mind rather than nail clippers. I had to concentrate really hard to finally get BANDAGES (well I thought Bandaids) and TISSUES.
Again, these are just a few of many examples. I made it through about 19 pages of concentrating before I had to take a break from concentrating so much and feeling so stressed out.
*
So of the many words that are very difficult fort me to manage:
Food types, specific clothing types, dog and other animal types, insect types, kitchen and other household equipment, names, and the list goes on (and on and on and on)...
March 22, 2011
Out of Control Troglodytes
Working today at the paint your own pottery shop, my troubles with easy little words continued. Someone came to pick up a painted turtle; I had to concentrate to remember what a turtle was. I could not find her item in the front; went into the back room to look around and almost took out a painted duck. Then I realized that a duck was not a turtle (thank goodness I realized that before walking back out carrying the duck).
Then a little while later, I was trying to explain this to someone else and could not think of the WORD turtle. I knew the word started with a 'T' and my brain kept saying, 'Troll, Trilobite, Troglodyte...' My brain can think of bigger, odder words much better than easy little words.
Starts with a 'T' I'd tell him and he would tell me 'turtle'and then I would repeat the word 'turtle' several times in a row and then less than five minutes later, I would forget that word again! And again. And again.
Turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle.
Then a little while later, I was trying to explain this to someone else and could not think of the WORD turtle. I knew the word started with a 'T' and my brain kept saying, 'Troll, Trilobite, Troglodyte...' My brain can think of bigger, odder words much better than easy little words.
Starts with a 'T' I'd tell him and he would tell me 'turtle'and then I would repeat the word 'turtle' several times in a row and then less than five minutes later, I would forget that word again! And again. And again.
Turtle turtle turtle turtle turtle.
March 15, 2011
"It is not willing; It is not unwilling" - Recovering Syntax: A Poet's Struggle with Aphasia
This is my sort of snippet based on a long video I watched today that was related to poet Marie Ponsot struggling with aphasia, caused by a stroke. I was very interested in this, because I am also a poet with aphasia, caused by a stroke. The video is called Recovering Syntax: A Poet's Struggle with Aphasia.
I will probably try to write a longer article about this later, but that might take me a while, so I wanted to get some thoughts out, in order to remember those thoughts and help me write the article later. Otherwise, I will probably forget all the details within a few days.
So here are my snippets/thoughts:
-Poets and other writers can feel especially devastated if they are suffering from aphasia, because it can have a large amount of affects on their writing, reading, remembering, and communicating in ways that used to be very powerfully important to them. Even if you are recovering pretty well from your aphasia, you might have to concentrate so much harder and more deliberately than you used to when communicating; instead of speaking with automatic spontaneity, you have to think about everything you're saying (I can really relate to this part; for quite some time, I frequently got headaches because I had to concentrate so hard when speaking and especially when listening and trying to understand and remember). I almost started crying when one audience member came up to make comments near the end of the video; his speaking was very slow - he said he had also suffered from a stroke and had aphasia – he said, "I'm a humor writer and it's not coming back so far". Poet Marie Ponsot's poetry was also not yet coming back to how it used to be, unfortunately.
-I feel very lucky and amazed and happy that I have a really small version of aphasia compared to what some aphasia sufferers experience! I feel lucky and amazed and happy that I can still write and read poetry (and still feel really passionately about that), even though that is slower than it used to be. There are pretty broad categories of aphasia. As I've said before, it is tough for me to remember an assortment of easy little words – BUT I still know what most of those words MEAN – and that is not the case for some people with aphasia, who just blurt out seemingly random word assortments without even knowing their actual meaning. For some people with aphasia, their brains cannot understand rhyming; would not know that words like 'cat/hat' rhymed – and that seems very obvious to me, so I am lucky in that regard too. Some people have such a severe kind of aphasia that they only say ONE word, over & over again! Sometimes their repetition can seem deadly. Shit shit shit.
-Some people who have a stroke and then suffer from aphasia are not sure what to do or how best to recover. Recovery studies are hard to get the government to help pay for; in large part because they take so long, because everyone is different (in terms of their side effects and what best helps them recover). One person described her stroke as feeling like 'a ship wreck' of the brain. (I remember some months back, when I had a follow up appointment with one of the doctors who had performed my surgery, he said he was impressed with how well I seemed to be recovering, because my stroke and aneurysms had been almost like getting shot in the head).
-Many people with aphasia certainly want to try their best to recover, but are unsure how best to do so. I can relate to that; the therapist I was seeing for a while just gave me a bunch of paperwork to work on at home– and I sure worked on it – and some of it was almost easy whereas some of it was almost impossible for me – and again, maybe every stroke/aphasia sufferer is very different and so some therapists don't know what best to do – but I felt like mine had almost nothing to do with me personally. I've certainly felt as if I'd like to try another/different therapist, but I can't really afford that – so I guess I'm just trying my best to be my own therapist.
-I'm certainly no medical expert, but I have had a stroke and aphasia and speaking from my own experience, I can suggest that those hoping/trying their best to recover should focus on what they feel passionate about and work hard and do not give up! Also (unfortunately) do not expect everyone in your life to understand what you're going through (or even want to try to understand what you're going through), because some people can't or won't or don't want to deal with it. I ended up losing my husband after my stroke/aphasia (and I've read that it is not uncommon for people who suffer such a serious health/brain issue to lose a partner, who cannot handle being supportive during that time) and obviously, that was very upsetting and sad, but I am glad I found out about his lack of support and caring before I became old. Stick with the people who still like, love, and care about you. Keep reading and writing and talking, even if you sometimes feel upset or embarrassed when some easy little word won't come out right. Keep trying and do not feel ashamed or devastated when you still might have room for lots of improvement. Who knows? Everyone's brain is different, right?
-I can honestly admit one thing that has bothered and upset me several times is that I have heard some medical experts (including one of the men in this video) state that your quickest/best recovery will take place within a few months up to one year – after that, there probably won't be much more recovery and if there is, it will just be itty bitty little snippets. Hello, I don't feel like hearing that! That does not help me feel very positive! It has now been more than one year for me, since I suffered from my stroke and its resultant aphasia. Have I made a lot of significant progress and recovery? Yes. But am I fully recovered, with my brain feeling as strong as it used to be? No way. And I do not really want to think that there might not be much more recovery left for me! I want to think there is! And I wish other people could tell me that there is too. I really don't want to hear medical personnel suggesting that there very well might NOT be after this point! That might make some people feel like, 'What's the point of trying? I give up'. I won't be giving up though. I will continue to try.
-At the end of the video, Marie Ponsot reads one of her older poems. She reads it quite well and enjoys doing so (although almost starts crying at the end; I imagine it is very hard and challenging for her, not knowing if she will ever be able to write that well again; however, I can also tell she is continuing to work on trying her best). I especially liked this snippet of her poem - "It is not willing; It is not unwilling".
*
Here is a link to the video I watched (it is almost two hours long) - Recovering Syntax: A Poet's Struggle with Aphasia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGf_l3MwRBQ
I will probably try to write a longer article about this later, but that might take me a while, so I wanted to get some thoughts out, in order to remember those thoughts and help me write the article later. Otherwise, I will probably forget all the details within a few days.
So here are my snippets/thoughts:
-Poets and other writers can feel especially devastated if they are suffering from aphasia, because it can have a large amount of affects on their writing, reading, remembering, and communicating in ways that used to be very powerfully important to them. Even if you are recovering pretty well from your aphasia, you might have to concentrate so much harder and more deliberately than you used to when communicating; instead of speaking with automatic spontaneity, you have to think about everything you're saying (I can really relate to this part; for quite some time, I frequently got headaches because I had to concentrate so hard when speaking and especially when listening and trying to understand and remember). I almost started crying when one audience member came up to make comments near the end of the video; his speaking was very slow - he said he had also suffered from a stroke and had aphasia – he said, "I'm a humor writer and it's not coming back so far". Poet Marie Ponsot's poetry was also not yet coming back to how it used to be, unfortunately.
-I feel very lucky and amazed and happy that I have a really small version of aphasia compared to what some aphasia sufferers experience! I feel lucky and amazed and happy that I can still write and read poetry (and still feel really passionately about that), even though that is slower than it used to be. There are pretty broad categories of aphasia. As I've said before, it is tough for me to remember an assortment of easy little words – BUT I still know what most of those words MEAN – and that is not the case for some people with aphasia, who just blurt out seemingly random word assortments without even knowing their actual meaning. For some people with aphasia, their brains cannot understand rhyming; would not know that words like 'cat/hat' rhymed – and that seems very obvious to me, so I am lucky in that regard too. Some people have such a severe kind of aphasia that they only say ONE word, over & over again! Sometimes their repetition can seem deadly. Shit shit shit.
-Some people who have a stroke and then suffer from aphasia are not sure what to do or how best to recover. Recovery studies are hard to get the government to help pay for; in large part because they take so long, because everyone is different (in terms of their side effects and what best helps them recover). One person described her stroke as feeling like 'a ship wreck' of the brain. (I remember some months back, when I had a follow up appointment with one of the doctors who had performed my surgery, he said he was impressed with how well I seemed to be recovering, because my stroke and aneurysms had been almost like getting shot in the head).
-Many people with aphasia certainly want to try their best to recover, but are unsure how best to do so. I can relate to that; the therapist I was seeing for a while just gave me a bunch of paperwork to work on at home– and I sure worked on it – and some of it was almost easy whereas some of it was almost impossible for me – and again, maybe every stroke/aphasia sufferer is very different and so some therapists don't know what best to do – but I felt like mine had almost nothing to do with me personally. I've certainly felt as if I'd like to try another/different therapist, but I can't really afford that – so I guess I'm just trying my best to be my own therapist.
-I'm certainly no medical expert, but I have had a stroke and aphasia and speaking from my own experience, I can suggest that those hoping/trying their best to recover should focus on what they feel passionate about and work hard and do not give up! Also (unfortunately) do not expect everyone in your life to understand what you're going through (or even want to try to understand what you're going through), because some people can't or won't or don't want to deal with it. I ended up losing my husband after my stroke/aphasia (and I've read that it is not uncommon for people who suffer such a serious health/brain issue to lose a partner, who cannot handle being supportive during that time) and obviously, that was very upsetting and sad, but I am glad I found out about his lack of support and caring before I became old. Stick with the people who still like, love, and care about you. Keep reading and writing and talking, even if you sometimes feel upset or embarrassed when some easy little word won't come out right. Keep trying and do not feel ashamed or devastated when you still might have room for lots of improvement. Who knows? Everyone's brain is different, right?
-I can honestly admit one thing that has bothered and upset me several times is that I have heard some medical experts (including one of the men in this video) state that your quickest/best recovery will take place within a few months up to one year – after that, there probably won't be much more recovery and if there is, it will just be itty bitty little snippets. Hello, I don't feel like hearing that! That does not help me feel very positive! It has now been more than one year for me, since I suffered from my stroke and its resultant aphasia. Have I made a lot of significant progress and recovery? Yes. But am I fully recovered, with my brain feeling as strong as it used to be? No way. And I do not really want to think that there might not be much more recovery left for me! I want to think there is! And I wish other people could tell me that there is too. I really don't want to hear medical personnel suggesting that there very well might NOT be after this point! That might make some people feel like, 'What's the point of trying? I give up'. I won't be giving up though. I will continue to try.
-At the end of the video, Marie Ponsot reads one of her older poems. She reads it quite well and enjoys doing so (although almost starts crying at the end; I imagine it is very hard and challenging for her, not knowing if she will ever be able to write that well again; however, I can also tell she is continuing to work on trying her best). I especially liked this snippet of her poem - "It is not willing; It is not unwilling".
*
Here is a link to the video I watched (it is almost two hours long) - Recovering Syntax: A Poet's Struggle with Aphasia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGf_l3MwRBQ
Blood Pudding Zombie Holocaust
My Blood Pudding Press is featured on ZombieHolocaust:
http://zombieholocaustmusings.blogspot.com/2011/03/liable-to-mutate-your-tongue.html
http://zombieholocaustmusings.blogspot.com/2011/03/liable-to-mutate-your-tongue.html
March 8, 2011
Blood Pudding Press/Horror Couture
My Blood Pudding Press etsy shop has become part of a Team called Horror Couture!
When I was invited to join this Team I felt pretty excited but worried that I might not fit in, because I don't have much blatantly horror-esque stuff available for sale in my Blood Pudding Press shop. I have hand-designed poetry chapbooks, vintage doodads, and ephemera.
BUT I do think some of my poetry is horror-esque in it's own odd way. In much of my older poetry, I liked to bake horrific confections. I don't like vanilla snack pack pudding poetry; I like blood pudding poetry. I like poetry that borders the unappetizing, poetry that borders the grotesque, poetry that borders the pornographic and horrific. I am attuned to a sense of revolting, bodily-based horror associated with femaleness and I have a desire to birth this horror or abort it or deconstruct, reconstruct, or vivisect it!
As far as my newest poetry is concerned, my very latest chapbook 'POST-STROKE' is based on a real-life horrific health issue I suffered (and am still suffering) from. I had a carotid artery dissection, aneurysms, a stroke - and NOW have a Stent and Aphasia.
Also, I even designed a new sexy hot pink Venus Fly Trap Card (with poetry snippets) in honor of the Horror Couture group!
Lovely? Poisonous? Horror-ific in its own odd way? You decide.
See more about the Venus Fly Trap card here:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69587846/sexy-hot-pink-venus-fly-trap-handmade
See more about POST-STROKE here:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68522600/post-stroke-by-juliet-cook
X.O.X. Juliet
When I was invited to join this Team I felt pretty excited but worried that I might not fit in, because I don't have much blatantly horror-esque stuff available for sale in my Blood Pudding Press shop. I have hand-designed poetry chapbooks, vintage doodads, and ephemera.
BUT I do think some of my poetry is horror-esque in it's own odd way. In much of my older poetry, I liked to bake horrific confections. I don't like vanilla snack pack pudding poetry; I like blood pudding poetry. I like poetry that borders the unappetizing, poetry that borders the grotesque, poetry that borders the pornographic and horrific. I am attuned to a sense of revolting, bodily-based horror associated with femaleness and I have a desire to birth this horror or abort it or deconstruct, reconstruct, or vivisect it!
As far as my newest poetry is concerned, my very latest chapbook 'POST-STROKE' is based on a real-life horrific health issue I suffered (and am still suffering) from. I had a carotid artery dissection, aneurysms, a stroke - and NOW have a Stent and Aphasia.
Also, I even designed a new sexy hot pink Venus Fly Trap Card (with poetry snippets) in honor of the Horror Couture group!
Lovely? Poisonous? Horror-ific in its own odd way? You decide.
See more about the Venus Fly Trap card here:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/69587846/sexy-hot-pink-venus-fly-trap-handmade
See more about POST-STROKE here:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/68522600/post-stroke-by-juliet-cook
X.O.X. Juliet
March 4, 2011
Blood Pudding Press Chapbook SETS
Added a new Poetry Chapbook SETS section to my Blood Pudding Press etsy shop, so that if anyone is interested in purchasing two or three different chapbooks, they can be treated to a special price, $2.00 to $4.00 less than buying each chapbook separately.
Take a look see; feel free to let me know if you have any questions.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress?section_id=7894809
Take a look see; feel free to let me know if you have any questions.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/BloodPuddingPress?section_id=7894809
