Juliet Cook's Blog, page 158
May 16, 2011
More Mixed Feelings, Confusion, & Nervousness Galore
1. A few thoughts/feelings a little earlier today:
I think my most recent poetry has become somewhat flatter and doesn't have as much resonant, powerful feeling as it used to.
I think that's because I also don't have as much resonant, powerful feeling as I used to.
I had to tone down some of my own strong feelings, lest I became a continuous panic attack mishap.
(Mind you, this did not involve pysch. drugs; I am pretty anti psych. drugs; but my brain managed to somehow tone down/turn off itself.)
2. A few thoughts/feelings less than half an hour later:
I think the above is untrue, because almost as soon as I started thinking more about it, I then started crying. Is there something wrong with me? My feelings are so frequently mixed mixed mixed and discombobulated.
I think one reason I try not to think about things too much anymore is because then I get really nervous about almost everything.
I'm nervous about my new up-coming house (why? it's not like I've never lived by myself before. It's not like it's in a dangerous area. Why my uncomfortable nervous spurts about something good?). Maybe it's partly because I have frequent mixed feelings about whether I want to be by myself or not. I do, I don't, I do, I don't.
I'm nervous about being by myself; I'm nervous about seriously commiting to anyone.
I'm nervous that my poetry is not as good as it used to be - and what if I lose my passion for the primary entity I've been incredibly passionate about for countless years.
The last three words of my newest poem are "on, off, on".
I'm nervous that I have no clue what to do job-wise anymore (what I can do OR what I want to do).
I'm nervous that everyone might get tired of me; less & less interested.
On, off, on.
I'm over the top then under.
Over the top then downhill.
I worry that maybe love always dies or wishes you dead.
These thoughts made me start crying, so I guess my worry that I do not have strong feelings anymore is wrong.
Maybe I just emotionally/mentally tone them down so I don't get incredibly nervous and start crying all the time.
I do still have feelings and emotions. They're just rather nerve wracking if I concentrate on them too hard.
I'm nervous about my terrible sense of direction.
I'm nervous about being a 38 year old who feels like I am starting over in a way, but does not know how to.
How should I turn my nervousness into art?
Mixed feelings are not mixed bags; how should I open them?
Mixed feelings are not mixed drinks; how should I swallow them?
I think my most recent poetry has become somewhat flatter and doesn't have as much resonant, powerful feeling as it used to.
I think that's because I also don't have as much resonant, powerful feeling as I used to.
I had to tone down some of my own strong feelings, lest I became a continuous panic attack mishap.
(Mind you, this did not involve pysch. drugs; I am pretty anti psych. drugs; but my brain managed to somehow tone down/turn off itself.)
2. A few thoughts/feelings less than half an hour later:
I think the above is untrue, because almost as soon as I started thinking more about it, I then started crying. Is there something wrong with me? My feelings are so frequently mixed mixed mixed and discombobulated.
I think one reason I try not to think about things too much anymore is because then I get really nervous about almost everything.
I'm nervous about my new up-coming house (why? it's not like I've never lived by myself before. It's not like it's in a dangerous area. Why my uncomfortable nervous spurts about something good?). Maybe it's partly because I have frequent mixed feelings about whether I want to be by myself or not. I do, I don't, I do, I don't.
I'm nervous about being by myself; I'm nervous about seriously commiting to anyone.
I'm nervous that my poetry is not as good as it used to be - and what if I lose my passion for the primary entity I've been incredibly passionate about for countless years.
The last three words of my newest poem are "on, off, on".
I'm nervous that I have no clue what to do job-wise anymore (what I can do OR what I want to do).
I'm nervous that everyone might get tired of me; less & less interested.
On, off, on.
I'm over the top then under.
Over the top then downhill.
I worry that maybe love always dies or wishes you dead.
These thoughts made me start crying, so I guess my worry that I do not have strong feelings anymore is wrong.
Maybe I just emotionally/mentally tone them down so I don't get incredibly nervous and start crying all the time.
I do still have feelings and emotions. They're just rather nerve wracking if I concentrate on them too hard.
I'm nervous about my terrible sense of direction.
I'm nervous about being a 38 year old who feels like I am starting over in a way, but does not know how to.
How should I turn my nervousness into art?
Mixed feelings are not mixed bags; how should I open them?
Mixed feelings are not mixed drinks; how should I swallow them?
May 15, 2011
Alien Skull Infiltration
While looking upon some of my recent photos, I started thinking that I looked like an alien skull (I used to think I looked like an alien witch). Then I started thinking more stuff along alien skull lines and found it rather interesting.
In an oddly appealing sort of manner, I realized that after having a semi-recent health experience through which I could have died, I am lucky to be alive, but am now infiltrated with skulls, as though skulls are a semi-scary, semi-scarred, darkly delicious, festive part of my life!
I've received skull jewelry from a man I love(he has a strange skull tattoo, which I've seen in person several times this year) and he & I & a long time best friend of mine also attended a Day of the Dead Skull art space together.
I've received skull socks from a yummy poet friend AND from a delicious artsy photographer friend.
I sent some skull xmas cards at the end of last year. I painted skull magnets and a skull box for friends/lovers.
And just this past week, I received a bright red skull heart journal fom the ladypants poet friend.
I've used the word 'Skull' in several of my semi-recent poems ("an imploding bath of dark skull sex").
And now I am starting to look like an alien skull.
In an oddly appealing sort of manner, I realized that after having a semi-recent health experience through which I could have died, I am lucky to be alive, but am now infiltrated with skulls, as though skulls are a semi-scary, semi-scarred, darkly delicious, festive part of my life!
I've received skull jewelry from a man I love(he has a strange skull tattoo, which I've seen in person several times this year) and he & I & a long time best friend of mine also attended a Day of the Dead Skull art space together.
I've received skull socks from a yummy poet friend AND from a delicious artsy photographer friend.
I sent some skull xmas cards at the end of last year. I painted skull magnets and a skull box for friends/lovers.
And just this past week, I received a bright red skull heart journal fom the ladypants poet friend.
I've used the word 'Skull' in several of my semi-recent poems ("an imploding bath of dark skull sex").
And now I am starting to look like an alien skull.
May 14, 2011
Florida May 2011 Ladypants
Me with family & friends in Venice Florida, May 2011
Me & Aunt Diane
Me & Lindsay Bliss
Lindsay B., Me & Aunt Di in front of a Penis
Aunt Di & I near the Salvador Dali Museum
Ladypants Poet-ess Juliet Cook & Ladypants Poet-ess Kathy Burkett in front of Dali Museum
Me & Sandra W.
Lots more photos including beach and food and other creatures are available to partake of via my facebook page here:
http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150191768972458.327543.842512457&l=6ce87b7341
A Vertiginous Swirl just entered my head - again...
April 25, 2011
April 21, 2011
Post-Stroke Aphasia Articles
Linked to below is my Intro piece for my three new coming-soon Post-Stroke Aphasia articles.
These articles took me a long time to write; I was often overtaken by mixed feelings.
But I finally did it and hopefully a few people will read and relate.
The Intro will offer you a few snippets of what to expect from the others.
Those other pieces will also be added here soon.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7973477/intro_to_my_three_new_poststroke_aphasia.html?cat=5
These articles took me a long time to write; I was often overtaken by mixed feelings.
But I finally did it and hopefully a few people will read and relate.
The Intro will offer you a few snippets of what to expect from the others.
Those other pieces will also be added here soon.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/7973477/intro_to_my_three_new_poststroke_aphasia.html?cat=5
April 9, 2011
April 6, 2011
Become crushed into shards or melt/as I speak rusty hooks, jeweled daggers, dark candy
Juliet Cook inside Oysters & Chocolate - http://www.oystersandchocolate.com/Poetry/2165/LicoriceWhip.aspx
This is my first time having a poem of mine appear within an Erotic magazine.
This "Licorice Whip" is an older poem of mine (previously published several years ago in the online literary/art magazine 'Sein und Werden').
Below is a piece of it; click on the link above to read the whole.
"Open your mouth when your tongue feels metallic.
Purr like a cross between sleek cat and steely machine.
Blades. The sound of resistance
as the ice is crushed into hard candy shards."
This is my first time having a poem of mine appear within an Erotic magazine.
This "Licorice Whip" is an older poem of mine (previously published several years ago in the online literary/art magazine 'Sein und Werden').
Below is a piece of it; click on the link above to read the whole.
"Open your mouth when your tongue feels metallic.
Purr like a cross between sleek cat and steely machine.
Blades. The sound of resistance
as the ice is crushed into hard candy shards."
April 3, 2011
APRILBLOODPOEM
Since April is Poetry Month and I truly adore poetry (and have little oodles of poetry chapbooks available for sale in my Blood Pudding Press etsy shop), I am offering a BIG 50% OFF coupon code you can use all month long for any/all Blood Pudding Press poetry chapbooks!
The shop is here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/bloodpuddingpress
The code is APRILBLOODPOEM.
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions.
Happy Poetic April!
The shop is here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/bloodpuddingpress
The code is APRILBLOODPOEM.
Feel free to let me know if you have any questions.
Happy Poetic April!
March 30, 2011
Suggestions?
Maybe if I work on trying to learn some new/different things that I've never learned before, that might help to activate new parts of my brain – and then maybe those newly activated parts could also re-learn old things - but what should my new things be? Any suggestions?
I've already received the suggestion of learning guitar (which is probably a good one, but I don't have a guitar).
Any others?
I've already received the suggestion of learning guitar (which is probably a good one, but I don't have a guitar).
Any others?
New Thirteen Myna Birds Smithereens
Thirteen Myna Birds latest update is now live!
Starring new poetry by Michelle Detorie, Misti Rainwater-Lites, Joseph Harker, Daniel G. Snethen, Trisha Low, & Franklin Murdock (plus older poems remaining by Molly Curtis & Corey Mesler).
Here is a strange smithereen of tidbits created by lines from each new piece : "a spool of gloss torn by clipped sun, staining your junctures, cunt murmurs, writhe helpless, Tangled, telescopic eyes, ravenous for my flesh, a tattoo costs the same as an abortion, a pulpy trophy, what are you wearing, strip to your terrors"
Smithereen it for yourself: http://13myna.blogspot.com/
Starring new poetry by Michelle Detorie, Misti Rainwater-Lites, Joseph Harker, Daniel G. Snethen, Trisha Low, & Franklin Murdock (plus older poems remaining by Molly Curtis & Corey Mesler).
Here is a strange smithereen of tidbits created by lines from each new piece : "a spool of gloss torn by clipped sun, staining your junctures, cunt murmurs, writhe helpless, Tangled, telescopic eyes, ravenous for my flesh, a tattoo costs the same as an abortion, a pulpy trophy, what are you wearing, strip to your terrors"
Smithereen it for yourself: http://13myna.blogspot.com/
