Sarah Rees Brennan's Blog, page 13

The Internet's A Stage

I am always super-nervous about events. Not the bit where I stand up and people look at me and I talk about being an idiot and also about my books. I love talking, especially about my books! The part that makes me nervous is the bit where I meet people, and these worries arise: oh-my-goodness-they-came-to-see-me-how-do-I-make-this-worth-their-while, I-have-awful-face-recognition-skills-what-if-we-met-before, if-they-have-something-to-say-to-me-I-want-to-hear-it-but-I-do-not-want-to-make-them-feel-awkward-with-pauses. It is nerve-wracking, because I am super-grateful to anyone who reads my books and comes to my appearances, and I want to not let them down!

As I like people, especially people who read books, and I want to meet them and say thank you to them, I am always even more happy than I am nervous. And I figure when people meet me, they see a person, and if the person blithers the wrong thing at them, it's not the end of the world. Though I'll try to blither the right thing next time.

On the flip side, being on the internet means that you can't see a person. (What insight, everyone murmurs. The woman's a genius.)

I feel nervous about being on the internet, too. Over the last year, I've found myself wanting to put up blog posts, and not putting them up. Partly this is because--time management skills? What is this 'time' that you speak of?--Partly it's because I've been sad, and being sad makes for sucky blog posts. 'Contemplated ceiling. Felt cranky about ceiling. What are you looking at, ceiling?' (Gripping stuff.)

Part of it has been about being a writer on the internet, though, and what that means.

I never thought it would mean much. I realise, say, Stephenie Meyer gets it in the neck on the internet. People make assumptions about her beliefs, discuss what she looks like, and so forth. Which I bet is awful for Stephenie Meyer. She is also very rich, and millions of people love and are made happy by what she does! It is a trade: being famous and successful means lots of excellent stuff and lots of terrible stuff. People see you differently.

I am not talking about being famous, for I am not famous and I have no idea what that is like! (For the record, while I would totally take being famous if it was offered me, because--lots of people loving my books!--I imagine I would cope with it badly. Since I find tasks like 'brushing my hair every day' a little much for me. Kudos, Stephenie Meyer, your hair always looks great!)

But just 'being a writer on the internet' is sometimes kind of a complicated proposition. Ilona Andrews puts it best here, in a post which I've linked to before but it bears repeating because it's awesome! This is the relevant bit: 'You stop being a person and become a representative of your books... It's a bit difficult to readjust, because you yourself haven't changed.'

Stopping being a person really resonates with me. Other people's perception of me is different.

On one of the short stories I put up on the blog, I asked people not to tell me about not reading the books in that particular post, because, well, I wanted the short story to be a celebration of the books and for fans of the books, and I was worried about how the new book was doing and didn't want to worry more. And a couple of people said 'Explain this request of yours!' and I was like 'Because... my feelings? I would prefer if you didn't... hurt them?' Now, my feelings are not, like, super-important. No more so than anyone else's! Nobody should lie about anything to spare them. I very strongly feel people shouldn't worry about the author's feelings when critiquing a book, for instance. But... I have feelings, obviously! They motivate me to do and want things. It was a strange feeling (there's that word again) to realise that me having feelings hadn't occurred to someone.

I once saw someone I knew a little online discussing how surprised they were that I'd say I didn't like the TV show Supernatural, as if I shouldn't have done it, and got a shock because it had never occurred to me that expressing my personal preferences in TV would hurt my books.

I once saw someone saying that they were irked at me for saying I was surprised people didn't realise a character was gay in a book where said character checked out someone of the same gender. I am still surprised, but it made me go 'Should I have qualified that more--should I have talked about the dangers of not being very explicit, or society's perceptions, or about how it's a complicated issue--was I accidentally gross, what did I say specifically?'

I bring this up to note that when I say something stupid now, it's not 'Sarah says something stupid, hopefully she will wise up soon' but 'A writer thinks this stupid thing, is stupid and wrong-thinking.' Which is not always comfortable.

It is not all about my feelings. But my feelings... um... exist, and sometimes they make stuff like blogging difficult.

Being online (blogging, tweeting, facebooking, singing songs on youtube--I have never done that, because I have the singing voice of a mournful vulture, arriving too late to eat any entrails) is this weird mix of the professional and personal.

I've seen people online saying 'I'm a Sarah Rees Brennan fan, I've never read her books' and that seems odd to me, like me saying 'I'm a big Taylor Swift fan, I've never heard her songs.' Taylor Swift is a singer: I'm a writer. It's totally fine to read the blog--or to generally approve of, I don't know, my face--and not read the books. For instance, I like jimhines 's blog, but I haven't read his books. (Though I plan to, because I like his blog!) It's just that it knocks me for six a bit, leaving me wondering uneasily 'What is it they're a fan of...?' and 'But part of the blog is meant to make people want to read the books... what am I doing wrong?' Result: paranoia.

I've also seen people saying something along the lines of 'Sarah Rees Brennan let me down.' With... my books? Because of something I said? Because... they're my mother, and I totally forgot to pick up pie? (Get off the internet, Mum! Also I'm sorry. I'll bring you pie.) Sometimes there's no way to know! And I'm always sorry to hear it. I don't want to let anybody down! It's weird to know you can let strangers down. I'm like 'I'll do better!' But 'doing better' is never going to be 'doing perfectly.' Result: paranoia.

There's also a way for people to 'punish' you, once you're a writer: not read your books. I use quotation marks for punish, because zillions of people around the world are not reading my books, and that does not mean that zillions of people have picked me up, put me on the naughty mat and said sternly 'Now Sarah, think about what you've done. Also, no supper for you, young lady.'

There are a majillion (I use very scientific terms) reasons not to read my books: saw 'em on the shelves and didn't fancy the cover or description, totally scared of demons, never read teen books, never read books written by girls, never heard of them, just don't feel like it, whatever. But people will announce they're not reading your books because of something you did. Which: fair enough. I don't read Orson Scott Card's books because I disagree with his views on gay rights, and that substantial a disconnect between our minds makes me worry I'll find myself reading something that upsets and offends me. Reading is for entertainment: if you don't think you'll be entertained, don't read!

But announcing it to the writer feels a bit different. I had a fight on twitter with someone telling me that because they liked my blog, they might give my books a look one day--but maybe not, because we were having this disagreement. Of course, I didn't say 'Never mind that then! You're right! Pleeeeeeeease read my books, kind sir or madam!' But it did cross my mind, the next time I thought 'Shall I express my opinion on a subject?' Since of course I want people to read my books: I don't want something I say to get in the way of that. Result: paranoia.

There's also the online disinhibition effect, whereby people will say stuff online they would never, ever say in person. It goes twice for writers, insofar as I've noticed: people will say stuff about your character, or Lord forbid your looks (you may have heard that I'm no pixie ;)), about your friends, about your religion. Result: paranoia.

I could sit around listing off other reasons to be paranoid. I'm only using things that have happened to me, and in fairly accessible internet-places like my blog and twitter, and fairly low-key stuff. I've seen loads of other stuff: people saying a writer should be drowned, or slapped in the face, or discussing their significant others/marital status/chances of acquiring same, or threatening their pets: I'm purposely not bringing up really upsetting things, because I hope we can all agree death threats = never okay! And not something that can be discussed calmly. (For the record on death threats: yes, I have got some.)

There are times when I want to say something about feminism, about a holiday with my friends, about race issues or gay issues, about book piracy, about publishing, about my hair, about anything, really, and I think 'Do I have the time and the emotional wherewithal to deal if I say something on the internet, and a lot of people tell me I suck?' And sometimes the answer is 'Why, no!'

Being a writer is necessarily going to be a public endeavour. Your books are available to the public, and public opinion of them will mean you have a job later, or you don't! A writer's blog on the world wide web is... also a public thing (they give you a hint with the words 'world wide web'), and also tied in with your books, and your audience.

Selling my books is not the only reason I write my blog, though it is a big part: gaining new and keeping old readers is awesome. But I had a blog for years before I ever had books to sell, though I always talked about my writing on it, because... it's always been an important part of my life.

This is not a post about how dreadful it is to be a writer, or to blog. If it was dreadful, I'd stop. I love writing my books: it is one of the great joys of my life. And I like writing my blog! I want to talk about my life on my blog, I want to talk about the stuff I believe in, the books I'm reading and the thoughts I'm thinking. Also I want to talk about TV and stuff I think is hilarious. As regards my books, I want to have an online presence so I can talk to more readers than I could otherwise, because that means something to me. But none of this is totally easy.

And that's what all this boils down to, really: a list of reasons why I haven't been blogging that much, why it's complicated, and why I want to blog more, too. I think I will.

Sirens

Tomorrow I am getting on a plane to go to the Sirens convention in Colorado. Lady monsters, lovely guest authors, and gossip about books!

I have not announced this before because when I said I'd go along, Team Human was still a secret! So Justine Larbalestier, my esteemed co-writer and a Guest of Honor at the convention, said 'Come along and do a Team Human presentation with me.'

So I said I would, but could not tell the internet! Secret, you see. Like a ninja guest.

Except now you all know about Team Human and I can tear off my ninja mask and reveal myself!

Sirens is quite an important anniversary for me, for reasons I am about to tell you all.

Last year when I went to Sirens, I was so, so sad. Not because of Sirens! Sirens is lovely, and the company and discussions were fabulous. I had lots of friends there, and met lots of lovely new people.

One of these people was Mallory Loehr. I travelled to Sirens with the lovely Holly Black, and she already knew Mallory, as Mallory was the editor for Holly and Ellen Kushner's Bordertown anthology.

SARAH: Clearly a lady of excellent taste.
HOLLY: I should say! She edits Tamora Pierce.
SARAH: So you are saying she is a genius.
HOLLY: She is the coolest.
SARAH: Now I am scared to meet her! Oh no, here she comes! Holly, stand in front of me.
HOLLY: Sarah, you are a head taller than me. How do you think this is going to work?
MALLORY: Hello Holly! Hello, head of the person standing behind Holly! I hope somebody at this convention talks about Diana Wynne Jones.
SARAH: I… love… Diana Wynne Jones…
MALLORY: She is the best!
SARAH: Holly you were right, Holly! Mallory is the coolest.

'Yes, Sarah,' you may be saying to yourself. 'You met some really cool people and had some excellent discussions. That's tragic.'

The tragic thing was that at the time I was convinced the whole 'Demon's Noun' trilogy was a complete fluke and I would never be published again. After all, I was the loon who was like 'Demons! Everyone change points of view like musical chairs! Heroes with no proper feelings! Gay characters, that always helps! Commerciality, what is that? I do what I want!'

I seem to have little sense of commerciality. I mean, I would like to be commercial, in that it means lots of people read your books! I would enjoy that. Also then people keep publishing you, and you can tell more stories and eat and pay for electricity and stuff: I find telling stories and also electricity very enjoyable.

I just don't… know how to do it right…

A sample of A Conversation About Achieving Commerciality.

LOVELY AGENT KRISTIN: What about YA dystopia? People love dystopia. People love The Hunger Games and that book Matched is coming out. Do you think you would like to write a dystopia?
SARAH: I would love to write a dystopia! Okay I have this one idea for a future world where the social rules are like the court of Eleanor of Aquitaine—and there's a eunuch romance!
LOVELY AGENT KRISTIN: Eunuch… you… do you have any other ideas for YA dystopia?
SARAH: Totally!
LOVELY AGENT KRISTIN: Oh thank God.
SARAH: Okay, the world has been taken over by ghosts, and there's a love triangle!
LOVELY AGENT KRISTIN: That one sounds pretty good.
SARAH: The love triangle ends in a threesome!
LOVELY AGENT KRISTIN: … You know, I think we maybe shouldn't do this. Just write what you want. Follow your star! You are a good writer, even if you are a total lunatic.
SARAH: Then can I write the Gothic story? Oh can I, can I?
LOVELY AGENT KRISTIN: A nice dark gothic romance might actually be…
SARAH: FULL of jokes! And people who don't like touching!
LOVELY AGENT KRISTIN: Yeah. Okay. Follow that star, kid. It's yours. March to the beat of a different drummer while you do it. I must go somewhere and cry softly.
SARAH: … I better not tell her I am writing a secret vampires book yet…

So, following my star it was, due to my total uselessness! And I was very happy writing away. But also gloomily contemplating my future. What would I do?

My uselessness was made clear some more when I arrived in Colorado and realised I had no bathing suit.

SARAH: *gloomily takes to pool in black undergarments*
HOLLY: You could buy a swimsuit, you know.
SARAH: I shall write millions of books and nobody will ever read them. Ever! HOLLY: Aw, I really like the new one.
SARAH: Yay! Really, you like the Gothic romance? Yay!
HOLLY: Well, it's not very romantic… I mean, Kami doesn't have a romantic bone in her body…
SARAH: I am going to drown myself like Ophelia.
HOLLY: Pretty sure Ophelia wasn't in her underwear.
SARAH: Oh my God, nobody is going to want to read a Gothic comedy, or the secret book I'm writing!
HOLLY: You're writing a secret book?!
SARAH: Shhhh. It's a secret. You can't know. I'm like a ninja.
HOLLY: You're yelling. On top of a mountain. In your underwear.
SARAH: …. I said shhhh!

Obviously once I could no longer be a writer, being a ninja was right out. I was thinking maybe being a mascot of some kind. Wear a chicken suit, bring a cricket team good luck, go home and write books. (Possibly while still wearing the chicken suit.)

But then I told my agent that I'd written a secret book. Lovely Kristin, and Justine's fabulous agent Jill, were both pretty surprised! But after checking us to make sure we did not have fever and reading the book, they sent it out to editors.

KRISTIN: Sarah, fabulous news! Several publishers are going for Team Human. Looks like an auction!
SARAH: No, no, wait, back up a second… by several, do you mean 'more than one'?
KRISTIN: Yes.
SARAH: I don't understand. Like, more than zero?
KRISTIN: Sarah, I knew you were bad at maths, but…
SARAH: Are you sure there hasn't been a misunderstanding?
KRISTIN: Sarah.
SARAH: Ahhhhhh! You're kidding! You're kidding! This is unbelievamazing! I am am incredulighted!
KRISTIN: Oh, she's makin' up the words. Yes, she is makin' them right up, here we go…
SARAH: This is all thanks to Justine! Yes, that makes sense. Of course people would wish to publish Justine! She is a marvel! Okay I'm going to go out in the street and dance my 'Vampire Boyfriends Are Hilarious Book Is Getting Published!' dance.
KRISTIN: Sarah! Sarah, watch out for cars…

And then the time came for Unspoken to go out to editors. I was ready. There was no Justine Marvel to save me now. I was already looking into chicken costumes.

KRISTIN: Sarah! This is so great! There is an auction for Unspoken. And you know that editor at Random House you said you really liked-
SARAH: Mallory! She could not be cooler if she was Queen of Cupcakelandia!
KRISTIN: Sometimes I translate the stuff you say to make sense in the human world.
SARAH: Yeah, don't worry about that, I'm not cool enough for Mallory, I just wanted to send it to her as like, an offering-
KRISTIN: She wants it.
SARAH: …. Okay, there's been a mistake.
KRISTIN: There hasn't been a mistake, Sarah.
SARAH: Whose book did you send her, Kristin?
KRISTIN: I definitely sent her your book, Sarah.
SARAH: … Do you think maybe she hit her head?
KRISTIN: I don't think that, no, Sarah.
SARAH: Let's get her medical attention! … Later. Later.

There were several other awesome editors involved in the auction. (I can only imagine a lot of brilliant people had head injuries that week.) I was playing it cool, though, ninja that I am.

KRISTIN: All right, before we talk to Mallory, here are a few things about her you should know-
SARAH: Oh, I know her. I mean, a little. I mean, we hung out. I mean, she's seen me in my underwear.
KRISTIN: SHE HAS WHAT!!!
KRISTIN: … None of my other authors do this, you know. None of them…
KRISTIN: They don't write secret books, either.
SARAH: I promise to be good from now on.
KRISTIN: Okay, Sarah. I will trust you. Time to have a phone call with Mallory! Sarah, tone it down, okay? Let's be chill.
MALLORY: Hi Kristin! Hi Sarah!
SARAH: HEY MALLORY HEY! ARE WE IN A REFRIGERATOR BECAUSE SUDDENLY IT'S SO COOL IN HERE.

Sometimes my agent has to lie down and put a cool cloth on her face and murmur things about secret books.

So, Sirens is where I was secretly super unhappy thinking nobody would ever read another of my books after Demon's Surrender. It is where I let slip the secret of Team Human, and it where I met the editor of Unspoken.

And now I am off to give a speech about women who love vampires who eat women with my lovely colleague! I am almost excited for this as I am for people to read the new books.

I am bringing my bathing suit this time.

Enthrology! I mean... Enthralled Anthology!

So last year Melissa Marr and Kelley Armstrong organised a tour called the Smart Chicks tour! It was awesome, despite my attempts to bring shame on them all. (They are having another tour this year--if it is anywhere near you, you should go!)

In order to commemorate and celebrate this occasion, these lovely ladies decided to edit an anthology!

Not just any anthology. This is the fanciest anthology. It comes in hardback too, and everything. And Kirkus gave us a most lovely review.

These short stories are loosely connected by a very openly interpreted journey motif. Psychics, genies, angels and gargoyles join fairies and vampires to terrorize and romance their fellow characters. The diversity in authors allows for the sometimes-neglected horror implied in paranormal stories to be spotlighted, as in Carrie Ryan's zombie thriller, "Scenic Route," and Jennifer Lynn Barnes's "The Third Kind," about sisters with unavoidable compulsions. Many of the authors base their stories in the existing worlds of their other novels—luckily, most of these standalones work, though not all shake off that teaser taste. Sarah Rees Brennan's "Let's Get This Undead Show on the Road" follows a vampire in a boy-band and stands out with its perfect blend
of snark and sincerity. It's followed in a one-two punch by Jeri Smith-Ready's intense and earnest "Bridge." This collection is ideal as a sampler tray for paranormal readers looking to pick up new authors to follow or to further explore the fictional worlds they already know.

Perfect blend of snark and sincerity? I believe the words I am searching for are boo yeah.

MELISSA AND KELLEY: Journey theme.
SARAH: Can I really be in the anthology? Yay!
MELISSA AND KELLY: Journey theme.
SARAH: Journey theme, journey theme...

It struck me that one kind of journeying I know about, and that is pretty applicable to the anthology, is touring. And who tours besides authors? Rock stars.

I wanted to set the story in England, because that means the obligatory stop in Liverpool and talk about the Beatles. (My mama is Liverpudlian: it is in my blood.) And I thought to myself, I invented a band once. I really would like to put them on tour.

Harper Collins made us a most beautimous cover.













Pretty, right? As you can see by Team Human's cover, Harper gives very pretty pictures!

Insides are also not so bad. ;)

Table of Contents

Giovanni's Farewell by Claudia Gray

Scenic Route by Carrie Ryan

IV League by Margaret Stohl

Red Run by Kami Garcia

Things About Love by Jackson Pearce

Niederwald by Rachel Vincent

The Mortal Winter King by Melissa Marr

Facing Facts by Kelley Armstrong

Let's Get This Undead Show on the Road by Sarah Rees Brennan

Bridge by Jeri Smith-Ready

Skin Contact by Kimberly Derting

Leaving by Ally Condie

At the Late Night, Double Feature, Picture Show by Jessica Verday

Gargouille by Mary E. Pearson

The Third Kind by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

Automatic by Rachel Caine


A fancy list of authors, except that Sarah Ribble Brewster or whatever girl. Kelley Armstrong's story features Chloe and Derek, i.e. the best necromancer/werewolf romance of all time.

I have written a tale concerning Christian the Embarrassed Vampire and his band, before this, but it is not necessary to have read that one. This one is about being on tour. And being a famous vampire.

"This isn't a problem," Bradley declared. "It won't be long before Faye comes to save us, right? And we all trust Chris."

"I wouldn't," Christian said quietly. "I would never-"

"And I'm totally happy to donate a little blood to keep him going," Bradley said.

He rose from his lotus position with all the easy grace of someone who could do seventeen pop-and-locks in a row.

Christian's back hit the wall. "No!"

"Aw, Chris," Bradley said, and sounded very disappointed in him.

"I am not going to feed from a human being."

"Chris, this is really no time to be a fussy eater," Bradley told him, and advanced, holding up one arm. But not to protect himself from the vampire, no, that would be too sane for Bradley.

"Here comes the vein train," Bradley coaxed. "Choo choo!"

"Bradley, stop it."

"I see the problem," Bradley told him, and nodded. "You've never done this before. You have performance anxiety."

Christian covered his face and said, "Oh my God, I hate you so much."

So, who is up for some roadtripping fun? The anthology is out in bookshops now. Or... I have an author copy. Shout out for a chance to win!

Gay in YA, and the Circle of Suck

There has recently been an online debate that has sprung up between an agency and two authors, discussing the issue of deleting a gay storyline in a book. I am not going to go deeply into it, though there is a great summary of it here, with further excellent points made here. This issue is a super-contentious one, likely to make anyone involved in the discussion indignant, angry, upset, liable to misread, and feel many other feelings. I will say that I do not believe the authors would lie about this, for their own gain or any other reason. I also think that there may have been a misunderstanding since it's a fraught issue, and that the agent may well have just been trying to improve the book: lots of points-of-view are fun to write, but trickier to sell to a reader, and it's very easy to clutter up a story.

But I think that 'let's think of a way to keep the gay storyline, because there are too few of those around' should be a thing to consciously keep in mind.

The important thing is this: that the world often involves a Circle of Suck.

This is the most important post made about this subject. It is WAY more important than my post. There are facts and everything.

This is a hugely important fact for people to know: Less than 1% of YA novels have LGBT characters.

Characters. Not protagonists--characters. There should also be more protagonists than there are. But really--characters?

You may notice that art is not really holding up a mirror to life here.

This is a glaring example of the Circle of Suck.

The Circle of Suck goes a bit like this. Society is set up so life is often homophobic, sexist and racist. Not to say life is a never-ending round of pain unless you're a white straight guy. Life is often just fine: but things can--not all the time, but very, very often--be that little bit more difficult, in lots of different situations. There are more roadblocks as one tries to go on one's merry way. (And they are REALLY different roadblocks, and combined roadblocks if you're, say, a gay lady of colour.)

It's generally a bit harder to get published with a book that has gay characters or characters of colour. (Ladies are mostly seen to be a necessity... because without them things start looking a little gay... but how ladies are treated in stories can be pretty troubling.) It's a bit harder if you have both, or the characters of colour are gay. It's a bit harder to get published with gay characters who are ladies than if they were gentlemen. It's a bit harder to get published if you are gay or of colour.

So, overcome roadblocks, get published by one of the big publishers, fantastic! Except now it's harder to sell the book. There are loads of roadblocks after publication, too, many of which publishers cannot control. Book fairs sometimes won't carry the book, which hurts sales. Libraries sometimes won't carry the book, which hurts sales. The marketing department gives the book less money, and fewer people hear of the book, less sales. The art department gets less money for the cover, and the cover's less good and people are less likely to pick it up. Walmart and Target are much less likely to carry the book: fewer sales. Barnes & Noble are less likely to carry the book: much fewer sales. People think 'oh my gosh, I just want entertainment, not issues' or 'But kids shouldn't read books with...' and they don't buy or read the book. And if due to all or any of these roadblocks, the book doesn't sell--it's harder to get publishers to buy or promote another. All of this stuff combines, all of this stuff feeds into each other, and forms the Circle of Suck. There's never any one thing you can point at, and it feels much more difficult to do something about, and business is business/people have a right to choose.

I was talking about art holding up a mirror to life earlier: art should. Not in the sense of 'every book should have way more characters than is easy to keep track of, include lots of boring bits, and have characters say "Ummm" and then think of something funny to say later.' But it shouldn't make the world smaller and less awesome by having fewer ways to live, and ways to love, than the real world does. That makes books suck more, and writers suck more, and the world suck more.

What to do? Give up on traditional publishing? Online publishing is awesome, but there's the fact not everyone has ready access to their own computers, and if everyone facing the roadblocks gave up, there would be even fewer of these books accessible in, say, libraries.

Urge people to buy and libraryify more books with more diversity? Sure, and it's great and it helps if they do, but that doesn't solve the problem of fewer books with diversity being published, promoted, or in shops. So as well as readers: marketing departments should do more, bookshops should do more, editors should do more, agents should do more, book fairs should do more, bloggers should do more, writers should do more.

How can I make this happen? Er... I can't, and definitely not with a blog post. No one person, or one agency, or one publisher, can. I can write books with more diversity (and hope they are published), blog about this (like so) and buy and librarify books with more diversity. Editors can try to buy more, and not edit it out when it's there, and agents take on more, and bookbuyers (the people who get books on shelves at bookshops) buy more, and readers read more. Everyone except readers and bloggers still have to make some money or--you know, find a different job, which is not ideal, but they also need to think about lessening the Circle of Suck.

For those interested in buying and librarifying, there are lists here:list of YA sci-fi and fantasy books with major LGBTQ characters list of YA sci-fi and fantasy with characters of colour, authors from A-L and from M-Z.

These lists are awesome and I am glad to have them, but there's more Circle of Suck stuff to come. Here is a thing: my books are on those lists. I am glad to have them there. I do my best not to contribute towards the Circle of Suck, and wish to do better than that in the future, as I Learn, Grow As A Person, Become My Best Self and (please world, oh please) get smarter.

But if I wanted the Very Best Feminist books, and someone told me 'oh, these books by these dudes, they're awesome.' I'd be like... 'I'm sure they are, buddy, but... Dudes do not have the day-to-day minute-by-minute experience of what it is like to be a lady that--ladies do. No offense, dudes! You can know a lot about being a lady! You can and often do write great ladies! But--you're not going to be my go-to here.'

Day-to-day minute-by-minute experience is the most likely to be right. I'm straight (I say this with the qualifier that sexuality can be a moving target, labels can be dicey things, I'm not saying I've never questioned, I'm amending this should I fall for a lady, but currently I get the fewer-roadblocks-experience of being straight) and I'm white (no qualifier needed there). I do not have that experience. I can and do try anyway, but there were fewer roadblocks to me getting published, and I am more likely to mess up.

On finding the go-to books with less messing up: Authors who do have the day-to-day minute-by-minute experience do know better, and are more likely to get stuff right. So a quick, absolutely not-exhaustive, list of YA (mainly but not all sci-fi and fantasy) LGBTQ authors or authors of colour, and those who are both, who I have read and whose books I highly recommend: Malinda Lo, Cindy Pon, Scott Tracey, Alaya Johnson, David Levithan, Perry Moore, Coe Booth, Kimberly Reid, Saundra Mitchell, Cynthia Leitich Smith, Dia Reeves, Swati Avasthi, Marie Lu and Kendare Blake.

On messing up: It's much easier to criticise the presence of something than its absence. For instance 'One of the gay ladies in Buffy the Vampire Slayer died!' is more remarkable than 'There are no gay people on The Vampire Diaries.' (So I don't get corrected, I know that in The Vampire Diaries Caroline Best Character on Television Queen of My Heart Forbes has a gay dad, but we haven't seen him, and there was a gay guy who was vampire-hypnotised into sexy times with ladies, but... you can all see the problems there. And yes, yes I think I could win a Vampire Diaries trivia quiz.) You can see one of these things and not the other. I'm not sure what the solution is to not seeing absences, because that is one of the major things that helps along the Circle of Suck. I suppose I just try to be aware of it, as I try to be aware of the whole Circle of Suck. Uh--constant vigilance?

So--fewer sales, and more being criticised. Criticism is a good thing: nobody agrees with all their criticisms, but it all makes you think more, and that leads to less messing up, and messing up less in the future is the goal. Also, criticism means readers can avoid books that contain particular areas of suckiness that really get them down. But at the same time, it does always smart to get criticised, and you always want to get less of it. Trying to break out of the Circle of Suck is difficult. But being a better writer of better books is more important. So to all the people who have ever told me (or just said around) that these elements of my books could use improvement--well, that sucked for me to hear, and thank you. For those who will tell me in the future--please feel free to do so anytime, and thank you in advance.

The Circle of Suck lives inside everybody's heads. I know it lives in mine. Everything I'm saying about books goes about ten times over for movies, and the moving pictures, they are hypnotising.

There's no easy solution to the Circle of Suck.

I'm not much for 'my gracious, think of the children!' but in this case I think it's important to do so. YA is read by many adults, but it's also read by, you know, quite a few teenagers. Books are massively important to me now, but they were even more important back then: the books I love the very best and mean the most to me, the ones I imprinted on like a baby duck, were books I read back then. There should be a consistent effort, by everyone involved, to get books for people to stumble on, on bookshop shelves and library shelves and online, that say 'loads of different people can be heroes/awesome/have adventures'--that show themselves there, whoever they are, because that can mean a lot, and other people too. I do think that through this consistent effort, the Circle of Suck will end somewhere down the line, and I hope that it will suck less soon.

Note to This Post: Reading over this, I did not figure out how to talk about disability as well. But--could use way more representation, too.

The Other Big News

TEAM HUMAN, by Justine Larbalestier and Sarah Rees Brennan
Coming out spring 2012















A girl and a vampire fall madly in love... The girl's best friend is deeply unimpressed.

What does this all mean? It means... There is going to be another book by me out before UNSPOKEN. Surprise! Even better surprise... I wrote it with the brilliant Justine Larbalestier.

But how did this happen, you may ask yourselves? 'Did you slip something in her drink to get her to agree to write with you, Sarah?' you may add accusingly.

I did not, because we were in different countries at the time. Amazingly, she seems to have done it voluntarily. Justine and I chat often, as writer friends will, about all our nerdy interests. One of which? Vampires. We love us some vampires. Justine sent me SABELLA by Tanith Lee, about vampires on Mars, and I cheerleaded Justine's marathon of my beloved THE VAMPIRE DIARIES.

But let me confess something I have not heard many writers confess: we got the idea for our vampire book from TWILIGHT.

Actually, we got the idea from NEW MOON. I will explain. Justine was at a showing of the movie NEW MOON, and we were chatting beforehand, and I said: 'Let me know how you enjoy my favourite part.' So when she returned...

JUSTINE: So what was your favourite part?
SARAH: When Bella's friend yells at her.
JUSTINE: When the heroine's friend yells at our depressed heroine? Sarah, I thought you were Team Bella!
SARAH: I am! Of course I am! Go Bella's agency and having whichever dude she pleases! But that scene just really reminded me of school, when your friend gets all wrapped up in this guy-
JUSTINE: Yes, and you don't think the guy is that great-
SARAH: Exactly, but he's suddenly always the topic of conversation, and you have all this friend jealousy-
JUSTINE: It's all part of the difficult untwining time of friendships when you're having first romances and you're like 'Hey, my friend and I aren't the same person. TURNS OUT.'
SARAH: Different needs! Who'd have thought.
JUSTINE: Someone should write that book. There need to be more friendship books.
SARAH: Yes! All about the girl whose best friend starts dating a vampire.
JUSTINE: We should write that book.
SARAH: We totally should.

Readers, I did not believe we would. We'd talk about it for a bit, I thought, but Justine wouldn't really want to (Justine is super cool, y'all, she has a lot of cool stuff going on) or we'd have a big fight (Justine and I, both Ladies of Strong Opinions, and I am a shouty wench). Something would HAPPEN.

But we kept talking about the book. We wanted a world like ours--super into vampires--and we didn't want secret vampires, so in our heads we built New Whitby, a city in Maine where people go for vampires like people go to Las Vegas for gambling. And once we had the city, and our heroine Mel who likes jokes and sports a lot more than vampires, and her dreamy book-loving best friend Cathy, and beautiful disdainful vampires, and grouchy vampire cops, romance and an adventure... Well, we had to go on the adventure.

I kept wondering if we'd finish it. And then we did, and I had to tell my agent I wrote a secret book. She took it very well. (She may have become accustomed to erratic behaviour from me at this point...)

And then I thought, well, a book about friends, will people get it? Will they want it? Will people think we're making fun of vampires because we wrote a funny book about vampires, when we LOVE VAMPIRES? Will we-- At this point, I believe Justine said: 'SRB, stop having the vapours.'

She was right. Anne Hoppe of Harper, who publishes Melissa Marr and Lili Wilkinson and who we knew we could absolutely trust with a story about girls and the supernatural, wanted the book. So did Justine's fabulous Australian publisher, Jodie Webster of Allen & Unwin. They said such smart things to us: they really got the book and what it was about: us loving and talking vampires, and friends who love each other.

We were so happy.

I had so much fun writing this book, and I'm having fun now writing the sequel. (It's a duology! Never written one of those before.)

For those of you who don't know Justine's work and what an enormous treat you are about to be in for (I assume Justine's fans are at this point running around going 'Who is this IRISH WENCH? What are her intentions! What is anything!') I thought I would celebrate this announcement by giving away copies of Justine's books: a trilogy about sketchy magic users, MAGIC OR MADNESS, a hilarious book about fairies, HOW TO DITCH YOUR FAIRY, and a strange beautiful psychological thriller called LIAR. You will be entered into a draw to win them all now - all you have to do is write a comment, or link to this post from anywhere you like! And then you are in to win all Justine's books.

You can read Justine's report of our big news here. And later I'll talk some more about co-writing, and all the fun we had. And in spring, you can read mine and Justine's book, and have fun with us and vampires.

I hope you are one squillionth as excited as me!

Surrender Chat

I was exceedingly pleased and excited to get a starred review for The Demon's Surrender from the Bulletin Center for Children's Books. Starred reviews are fancy! And rarer for later books in a series. So, much celebration! And here with spoilers redacted is said fancy review...

The characters have been developed, the battle lines drawn, and the enemies and allies identified, but there are still many surprises, twists, and new alliances to be formed and broken in this final installment of Brennan's trilogy (The Demon's Lexicon, 7/09; The Demon's Covenant, 6/10). The narration in this volume is focalized through Sin, a dancer in the Goblin Market who is set to take over as its leader and continue to protect it from the magicians. The key players work together to perpetrate a dangerous lie that could mean their undoing or their ultimate victory, but no matter the outcome, things are going to get bloody along the way.

Obviously, this is not a book for the uninitiated in Brennan's world, but as the culmination of a breathlessly suspenseful series punctuated throughout with keen humor and heartbreaking emotional resonance, it's a stunner. The author manages to turn the impossible into the inevitable at every turn, keeping readers in the same position of nail-biting tension and indecision as the characters. That tension is not as plot-driven as one might expect, however; it's more focused on the actions of the characters who variously lead with their hearts, their heads, and their bodies, and whose emotional range is hamstrung in maddening ways by history and disposition. Readers can expect to have their mettle tested and their own hearts broken and mended multiple times as they surrender to the force of this final chapter.

Isn't that a gorgeous review? It made me very happy, and seemed to me an excellent way to kick off the announcement that in one hour - 3pm BST / 10am EST / 7am PST on Saturday 20th August - a chat for the the Demon's Surrender is going on here!

The password for the chat is 'zombieboyfriend' and people will be reading the book and talking about it: the chat is expected to run all day so come by whenever you have a moment if you think it might be fun!

I will be there answering all questions, not just about the Lexicon series but about Unspoken and writing and the meaning of life (Warning: Probably you should not listen to me about the meaning of life). I will also be putting up deleted scenes from the Lexicon series, and giving away prizes!

See you there...

Sister Doofus and the Murderbot: A Love Story

The time has come to talk of many things: namely, my love for lunatics in love and subverted clichés.

Some of you may remember a time lo these many years ago when I decided I loved a Japanese TV show. (Later, my Japanese publisher laughed at me about this. I regret nothing!)

The way I reacted to certain things I love, such as my Japanese TV show, to Veronica Mars, and to Howl's Moving Castle: What an awesome lady. I cannot wait to follow her adventures... Who the heck is that weirdo with the intensely strange face?

I have a new thing that I love now. I was watching a Korean drama because I was told there was an awesome lady reporter in it (which was correct) and very much enjoying it. I have always been wary of subtitles, but turns out that so long as you give me buckets of glorious madness, I am perfectly happy to read them.

I was sitting with my friend the Evil One having drinks, as glamorous young things do on a Saturday night, and telling her of my plans to watch more kdramas. She came home with me to have a last drink before she got the night bus, and we put it on so we could check out the first episode.

Nine episodes later, at ungodly o'clock in the morning, we were clutching each other on the sofa and whispering about the greatest love of our time, and also about the most puzzling outfits we had ever, ever seen. Then we passed out.

And now I will tell you all about it!

We begin our tale with Sister Doofus, an irrepressible young nun in training who gets into all sorts of terrible scrapes.

It is much like The Sound of Music. With cross-dressing.

Because the premise of the show is that Sister Doofus must dress up as a guy to take her twin brother's place and join a boyband. For it was her brother's dream that if he became a famous singer they would find their long-lost mother: all they knew about her was that she was a singer.

Look, I didn't make this up. I just report the news.

This is a daunting task, but Sister Doofus is an optimistic soul and as brave as a little tiger in a habit, so she is certain all will be well.

SISTER DOOFUS: I like the band! I like the handsome emo one and the sweet blond one! They look like angels! I am sure we will all get on excellently!
MANAGER: And uh, there is the leader, who resembles nothing so much as a deranged serial killer who saw Spiderman 2 and thought 'That wasn't a commitment to eyeliner and bangs. I'll show you a commitment to eyeliner and bangs. And I'll do it in a sparkly lilac dress.'
LEADER: Hates everyone in all the world. He is allergic to life, fears rabbits and bidets, has OCD and night blindness, and is a prissy, prissy princess. He has dead eyes and a constant expression caught between a snarl and a sneer. It is... a sneerl.
ME: I will call him the Murderbot.
SISTER DOOFUS: ... He seems nice too!

MURDERBOT: House rules: Nobody touches me. Nobody goes in my room. Nobody touches my stuff.
MURDERBOT: The only things I enjoy are transparent tops and ever stranger hairdos.
SISTER DOOFUS: *is not the girly looking one of the group*

PARTY TO CELEBRATE NEW BOYBAND MEMBER: happens
SISTER DOOFUS: gets trashed
WELL-MEANING FOLK: stop her from going to the ladies
SISTER DOOFUS: reels up to the roof, where the Murderbot is avoiding people, like Batman in a sparkly cowl-necked sweater.

SISTER DOOFUS: tries to throw up over the rail
MURDERBOT: You will fall off the roof!!!!!
MURDERBOT: tries offering her: a cup. Nope. A bottle. Nuh-uh. He wrenches a flower from a pot and presents her with that, holding it at arm's length as she throws up. He almost throws up himself.
SISTER DOOFUS: What a pretty flower.

SISTER DOOFUS: gets up on a bench and falls off
SISTER DOOFUS: wakes up the next day and is like... why is there a cut on my mouth... OH MY GOD. I fell on... SOMEONE ELSE'S MOUTH!
EMO & BLONDIE: WE ARE HORRIFIED.
SISTER DOOFUS: ME TOO. WHICH ONE OF YOU...
EMO & BLONDIE: Er, no.
SISTER DOOFUS: HOW TERRIBLE! A KISS!
EMO & BLONDIE: Er, no.
SISTER DOOFUS: : I do not comprehend.
EMO & BLONDIE: You fell on Murderbot. And you threw up. In his mouth.
SISTER DOOFUS: ...
EMO & BLONDIE: He fainted.
EMO & BLONDIE: He is a delicate murderous flower.
SISTER DOOFUS: This ain't good.

MURDERBOT: arises from his swoon with an intense need to shower.
SISTER DOOFUS: I come bearing tea and a scented candle and a heartfelt apology!
MURDERBOT: I communicate my intense hatred and sweep off to shower disdainfully!
SISTER DOOFUS: puts down the tray, and upsets his huge CD rack. CDs all over floor! Papers knocked off desk! She has to hold up the rack! But now there are papers near the candle!
SISTER DOOFUS: has to put it out. Somehow.
MURDERBOT: sweeps back out in a superb lime green bathrobe to find his room trashed, and Sister Doofus spitting on the floor.
MURDERBOT: ...

MURDERBOT: slams the rack back in place: a trophy falls off and hits her on the head.
SISTER DOOFUS: goes down!
MURDERBOT: *seizes trophy* Oh my god! There is blood on this! Are you OKAY?
EMO & BLONDIE: Murderbot! What did you do?
MURDERBOT: I didn't!
EMO & BLONDIE: Yeah, right. YOURS IS THE SNEERL OF A KILLER.

SISTER DOOFUS: I am totally at the emergency room, not being forehead iced in a playground because I would be found out as a lady if I went to the hospital. Sweet of you to be concerned, though!
MURDERBOT: I am not concerned. But where are you, because I seized my clothing and a sequin necklace and dashed down to the emergency room!
SISTER DOOFUS: ... Whoops, tunnel.

MURDERBOT: has had enough of this and goes off to a hotel, where he can be serene and pour his bottled water into crystal glasses and do his hair in a topknot.
MUDERBOT: is looking at the live-rollin' practise rooms when a stylist who is in on the crossdressing gig throws Sister Doofus into a room and goes for her pants.
MURDERBOT: A CELEBRITY HAVING A TAWDRY SEXUAL ENCOUNTER? Who ever heard of such a thing? I shall have a seizure.
MURDERBOT: Hang on something's not right here...
MURDERBOT: A lady! A lady in my boyband! That's not right! Justice must be done! Give me ten minutes to undo my topknot and find an appropriately vengeful outfit, and I will rain down unholy fire.

SISTER DOOFUS: escapes from locker room full of naked dudes by envisioning them as cherubs with clouds covering their naughty bits.
SISTER DOOFUS: Whoo! Home free.
MURDERBOT: J'ACCUSE! And I took a cellphone picture to prove it!
SISTER DOOFUS: *seizes phone and runs*
MURDERBOT: has a murderface and a murderswagger as he corners her on a rooftop. Their wrestle for the phone concludes in the phone falling on top of a truck.
MURDERBOT: points out she will still be a lady with or without his phone, so he boosts her up to the top of the truck and she gets it down for him.
SISTER DOOFUS: Uh... a little help here...?
MURDERBOT: is too concerned about the pristine condition of his phone to notice the truck driving off.

SISTER DOOFUS: Ohhhh gooooood what shall I dooooooo
MURDERBOT: CHARGES AFTER THE TRUCK AT A MILLION MILES AN HOUR LIKE A TERMINATOR IN A LAVENDER COWL NECK SWEATER
MURDERBOT: JUMP I MEAN RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW!
SISTER DOOFUS: *jumps*
MURDERBOT: *catches*
BOTH: *go down hard*
MUCH DAMAGE: is done to their fragile bodies and Murderbot's beautiful, beautiful sweater.

SISTER DOOFUS: So now you know my terrible secret, perhaps you'd like to help me maybe! I want to find my mom you see and...
MURDERBOT: Moms who are singers abandon you and pretend they don't have children and make you live a life devoid of all affection until you become a murderbot. I hate moms. Denied.
SISTER DOOFUS: How about you take this ring my dead father gave me as a keepsake to prove I am trustworthy?
MURDERBOT: How 'bout I toss it in an artificial lake?
SISTER DOOFUS: IMMA FIND IT COS STUFF CAN ALWAYS BE FOUND IF YOU HAVE FAITH.
SISTER DOOFUS: *searches for 24 hours in artificial lake*
MURDERBOT: Oh God. I have a feeling.
MURDERBOT: A feeling... of... bad... Look I have your damn ring.
SISTER DOOFUS: FOUND IT! I SEIZE YOU IN A HUG!
MUDERBOT: arms out like a victim of crucifixion with a little towel scarf around his neck
MURDERBOT: Guilt and any sort of physical contact... are terrible things that taste terrible together.

BLONDIE: has confused gay feelings for Sister Doofus.
EMO: has noted Sister Doofus is a girl, and decided to romantically date her in romantical secret... EVEN TO HER!

EMO: You could call me (word that means close buddy).
SISTER DOOFUS: Uh... seems forward...
EMO: Or word that means either close buddy or boyfriend.
SISTER DOOFUS: Uncomfortable with that! I guess I have to go with the first one, buddy!
MURDERBOTs: Oh God, back in the boyband house circle of hell.
SISTER DOOFUS: BUDDY OMG IT'S YOU YOU'RE BACK OMG HI HI HI!
MURDERBOT: Wut.
SISTER DOOFUS: U R MY FRIEN!!!
MURDERBOT: Seriously. Don't touch me.
SISTER DOOFUS: dances after him at slight distance like a happy puppy. FRIENDS! Truck catching = DUCKLING BOND!

No touching the Murderbot. Seriously.

SISTER DOOFUS: Made you shrimp porridge!
MURDERBOT: Allergic to that.
SISTER DOOFUS: Teach me to do a cool autograph like yours!
MURDERBOT: Allergic to acts of kindness. I said good day.

MURDERBOT: *makes 100000 signatures, selects best, puts it in her room*
SISTER DOOFUS: Sry about bothering you before! Emo helped me!
MURDERBOT: Must retrieve evidence of act of kindness so NOBODY WILL EVER KNOW.
ME: His is an alarming face to come creeping into your room at night, like an evil raptor in a ridiculous sweater.

MURDERBOT: Now time for a photoshoot in a swimming pool.
SISTER DOOFUS: !!!
MURDERBOT: In our clothes.
SISTER DOOFUS: Whoo! Now all I have to do is get changed in the darkened swimming pool! OMG people coming back in to find lost equipment! *jumps in pool, holds breath*
MURDERBOT: Ah, all nice and dry in a snazzy red lace top
MURDERBOT: ... omg she's in the pool...
CAMERAMEN: Are you hanging around because you want to help, Murderbot?
MURDERBOT: .... sure... whatever...
CAMERAMEN: We're gonna go, either because we found our equipment or because your murderface is freaking us out.
MURDERBOT: ... excellent...
MURDERBOT: *dives in pool*
MURDERBOT: shakes her in exasperation as he swims her to safety, which wakes her.
SISTER DOOFUS: WAKES WITH PANICKED FLAIL TO SIDE OF HEAD, KNOCKING MURDERBOT UNCONSCIOUS IN WATER
SISTER DOOFUS: Whoo! I am alive! I am - Murderbot? Murderbot?
SISTER DOOFUS: Oh dear.
MURDERBOT: *taken to hospital with Sister Doofus clinging to his hand*
MURDERBOT: *covers Sister Doofus's hand with his free hand*
MURDERBOT: *uses last of strength to fling Sister Doofus's hand away*
MURDERBOT: *swoons*

SISTER DOOFUS: Buddy you are back from hospital! U R AWESOME!
MURDERBOT: ... stay away...
SISTER DOOFUS: All I hear when he talks is 'murbly murbly death threat I am your friend! I will help you! Also I like to make funny faces!'
SISTER DOOFUS: is actually right on all counts.

MANAGER: Look stickers with the band's faces!
EMO: Which is your favourite sticker, girlfriend who doesn't know she's my girlfriend or even that I know she's a girl?
SISTER DOOFUS: Totally yours! You are smiling in it! I love smilies!
EMO: Oh yes my sekrit romantical plan... is working perfectly...
BLONDIE: Mine is smiley tooooooo.
SISTER DOOFUS: Definitely my second favrit!
MURDERBOT: *dies of affront*

SOME NEWS FOR SISTER DOOFUS FROM HER NEWLY DISCOVERED GOLD-DIGGER AUNT: Your mom's dead.
SISTER DOOFUS: piteous weeping on balcony.
BLONDIE: I'll go... get somebody...
EMO: What's that you say Blondie? My sekrit girlfriend, in distress? Chaaaarge!

MURDERBOT: Crying. I see.
MURDERBOT: ... I don't... human feelings...
MURDERBOT: ... still crying...
MURDERBOT: Ahem. Stop crying?
SISTER DOOFUS: *keeps crying*
MURDERBOT: I see. Um.
MURDERBOT: *sits down on the balcony with her and holds her*
MURDERBOT: *strokes her hair*
MURDERBOT: *is wearing a ring like a disco ball on his stroking hand. Of course*

Physical contact! Are you happy now, you touchy, touchy nun?

EMO: At last my laaaady... wut.
BLONDIE: ...
MANAGER: ... Are you having an episode.
SISTER DOOFUS: I am okay.
MANAGER: I wasn't talking to you! Murderbot, are you having a human feeling?
MURDERBOT: I... don't... know exactly... Sister Doofus is upset and cannot do her press conference and needs to go home and talk to her aunt and process!
EVERYONE: ...
MURDERBOT: If she goes out looking like that everyone will totally think I abuse her. THIS IS TOTALLY SELF-SERVING.
SISTER DOOFUS: You are my BFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
MURDERBOT: I REFUSE TO HAVE ANOTHER FEELING! I REFUSE!

STYLIST: Let's dress her up as a girl to sneak her out!
SISTER DOOFUS: *girl*
MURDERBOT: *has a quiet seizure in his soul*

SISTER DOOFUS: *spends her time, as is her wont, duckling-following him about the house* You have been so kind to me! WE ARE FRIANDS. You know back when you guys first started I thought you were the coolest one!
MURDERBOT: HEY! WHAT ABOUT NOW?!

HAIRDRESSER: This new haircut reminds me of when you guys first started the band!
SISTER DOOFUS: Cool haircut buddy!
MURDERBOT: I DIDN'T GET IT BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU SAID. I DID NOT.

We are all grateful to Sister Doofus for the end of bangs.

EMO: Let's go... to a restaraunt... with low lighting and talk... about a girl I like... someone very close to me...
SISTER DOOFUS: I am sure she'll be thrilled to know a hot dude like you likes her. Mmm, juice!
ME: Oh no, Sister Doofus, no!

MURDERBOT: Mom, do you remember when I was six before I discovered guyliner and bitchface, and when I ate shrimp to please you and my throat all closed up?
MURDERMOM: Nope. Eat your shrimp. PS I want to cash in on your fame.
MURDERBOT: I gotta go to the bathroom to have an attack of allergies and feelings.
SISTER DOOFUS: Buddy... holy crap you look awful. Did you eat shrimp! Are you having a feeling! Let's get you out of here!
EMO: I have been stood up for a date. The fact she did not know she was on one is no excuse. I am handsome and soulful! This is unpossible!

SISTER DOOFUS: Murderbot, we are lost.
MURDERBOT: I refuse to be lost.
SISTER DOOFUS: ...
MURDERBOT: Some freak trying to find a ring in an artificial lake told me it was always possible to find stuff anyway.
SISTER DOOFUS: D'awwww. FRIANDS.
MURDERBOT: Behold the hotel! VICTORY! Time for my annual smile!
SISTER DOOFUS: .............................
MURDERBOT: why are you looking at me funny
SISTER DOOFUS: ............................
MURDERBOT: Can we go inside? What is up with you?
ME: I was steeled for her first to like Emo, due to the classic handsomeness and the romantical nature appealin' to a young girl's dreams!
ME: But Sister Doofus... really appears to be having a feeling about that smile...

GOLD-DIGGING AUNT: I have arrive to stay!
MANAGER: Sister Doofus can stay in a room with one of the boys! Which one do you pick, Sister Doofus?
MURDERBOT: I. WILL. KILL. YOU.
SISTER DOOFUS: Buddyyyyyy...
MURDERBOT: I WILL KILL YOU RIGHT NOW.
SISTER DOOFUS: I wanna stay with Murderbot...
MURDERBOT: I DECLINE.
SISTER DOOFUS: *puppy eyes*
MURDERBOT: Why has my life become this farce?

STYLIST: Here's a taser in case he gets frisky.
SISTER DOOFUS: What do you mean?
STYLIST: Um. Nothin'.

SCENE: Guess whose sheets have sparkling sequins on them and whose have manly stripes!
SCENE: Guess whose pyjama top is scandalously low cut!
SCENE: If you haven't guessed Murderbot's are the sequins and the revealing night attire, you have not been paying attention.

MURDERBOT: YOU CAN'T SLEEP THERE.
SISTER DOOFUS: Buddy, I would never take your bed!
MURDERBOT: Shyeah. Damn right you wouldn't. Go across the room, for heaven's sake!
MURDERBOT: You cannot sleep right beside my bed it is UNSEEMLY I REALISE YOU HAVE NOT NOTICED BUT I AM A DUDE.
MURDERBOT: Also i sleep with the light on.
SISTER DOOFUS: *goes up to turn off his nightlight once he is asleep because she is wakeful*
SISTER DOOFUS: *distracted by sleeping face*
SISTER DOOFUS: Less murderful than usual.
SISTER DOOFUS: ... I think... I should pray immediately...
SISTER DOOFUS: *accidentally tasers herself and falls on bed*

The most cuddly nun of all time. Of all time.

MANAGER: What the actual hell is this! Cuddling?
SISTER DOOFUS: *falls out of bed on waking*
AUNT: Wake up, Murderbot! *slaps him on the ass*
MURDERBOT: I wish to return this life and get the one that had some dignity involved back.
MANAGER: What happened! Did he assault her and she tasered him and fainted! DEAR GOD, did she assault HIM and taser him and cuddle his UNCONSCIOUS BODY?
MANAGER: Loath though I am to believe it of a woman of God, the second scenario is honestly more likely. Only way to get cuddles from Murderbot.

EMO: So how was sleeping over?
SISTER DOOFUS: Grate, grate.
EMO: Excellent. Does not sound like crush! *moony eyes* I got stood up last night but I think she liiiikes me
SISTER DOOFUS: I am sure she does!

EVIL ACTRESS: I have discover Sister Doofus's secret! Bwhahahaha!
MURDERBOT: Is your car far from here?
EVIL ACTRESS: Ha, you think you can trash it? It is VERY FAR.
MURDERBOT: Excellent. *throws her shoes in a river*

EVIL ACTRESS: I will walk across fields to get my vengeance! I will - get hit in the face with a basketball. Oh, bloody nose. Oh, millions of people taking my picture and crowding me and I am hurt and...
MURDERBOT: C'mon. I wrap you in my jacket and save you.
EVIL ACTRESS: ... I don't understand.
MURDERBOT: Look it should be perfectly obvious by now that under my murderface I am a kittens and rainbows sweetheart.
EVIL ACTRESS: ... how about we date.
MURDERBOT: I decline.

SISTER DOOFUS: I am dressed in ladyclothes goin' to visit the nuns!
MURDERBOT: Where are you going! You can't just leave! I WILL NOT PERMIT IT!
SISTER DOOFUS: Are you going to give me a lift there and back? Murderbot, that is so nice.
MURDERBOT: ... that's what I meant.
SISTER DOOFUS: Do you think I look nice with my hairclip and my wig and my dress?
MURDERBOT: ... ridiculous.
SISTER DOOFUS: I sadly take out my hairclip and leave.
HAIRCLIP: I sadly break.
MURDERBOT: Shopkeep! I need a new hairclip... with pretty... and sparkles... Don't make me choose one! I am trying not to have a feeling over here!

SISTER DOOFUS: Murderbot sure is takin' his time getting back.
EMO: On the phone, why don't I direct you around shopping and eating and follow behind you on... a date where you do not even know I am there!
SISTER DOOFUS: This is super fun!
EMO: And now turn around because... I am riiiiight behi...
SISTER DOOFUS: Oh Murderbot is on the phone I gotta jet.
EMO: But... I... Waiiiittttttt....

MURDERBOT: If you had time to go shopping why did you not just go back home?
SISTER DOOFUS: But then how could I have an awesome car trip back with you back to the home where we live together in the same room? I would miss you!
SISTER DOOFUS: That's a beautiful hairclip! Is it your girlfriend's?
MURDERBOT: It's yours. Don't--don't look at me while I am trying to drive.
MURDERBOT: ... put it on or something... unless you hate it or whatever... then throw it out the window... I don't care.
SISTER DOOFUS: I am dressed as a boy so I can't put on a sparkly hairclip. BUT! I LOVE IT! I WILL KEEP IT FOREVER! AND WEAR IT WHEN I AM A LADY AGAIN!
MURDERBOT: Whatever. What. Ever. I don't care. I don't.

EVIL ACTRESS: How about I expose Sister Doofus's secret to the press!
MURDERBOT: I KISS YOU!
EVIL ACTRESS: Why are you kissing me for pretends? Seriously our lips are not even touching...
MURDERBOT: I got some issues. It looks like we are kissing to the press! And now you will be pleased and not expose Sister Doofus, because you have the publicity that you wanted, which is why you wanted to pretend to date, so everything is awesome, right?
EVIL ACTRESS: That's not really why I wanted...
MURDERBOT: *robot blink*
EVIL ACTRESS: Pretending was not actually what I was after...
MURDERBOT: Don't comprehend. Good day.
REST OF BAND INCLUDING SISTER DOOFUS: Congrats on the girlfriend!
MURDERBOT: Yes. This is a. Glorious day.

SISTER DOOFUS: Murderbot has a girlfriend! I wonder why... I am distraught...
EMO: All his fans are upset he has a girlfriend. Anyone who might possibly feel upset about that is just a big fan. Concerned about his music. And so forth. And et cetra. It doesn't mean annnnnnyyyyyyyyything.
SISTER DOOFUS: Oh, awesome. Well, I'm just going to go lie under the piano until the funny feelings go away. 'Scuse me.
MURDERBOT: Where are you? *hunts about* Why are you under the piano?
SISTER DOOFUS: ... I am sad...
MURDERBOT: Oh lord. Feelings again. How about I play you a song?
SISTER DOOFUS: I am such a huge fan of you.

SISTER DOOFUS: I gotta go visit dad's grave in the country. See you later, Murderbot, have fun with your girlfriend!
MURDERBOT: IT IS A TERRIBLE NUISANCE TO ME, BUT I WILL DRIVE YOU.
SISTER DOOFUS: Yaye! *grave visits*
MURDERBOT: Ah the serenity of the countryside. Time for some fey, fey tai chi.
MURDERBOT: Ah, a friendly rustic farmer. I will wave grandly to him.
MURDERBOT: He is shouting something about pigs.
MURDERBOT: ... OH MY GOD.

Murderbot's day in the countryside.

SISTER DOOFUS: Murderbot, you ran away from the pig and got lost!
MURDERBOT: I avoided it. Avoided it. I didn't run. And I didn't scream.
SISTER DOOFUS: But I found you! Because I knew you would never take the dark path into the woods, and then that you would never walk down the road with trash in it, and then if you got muddy I knew you would want to clean your shoes, so I came to the river, and FOUND you. Easy peasy.
MURDERBOT: *rescued*

SISTER DOOFUS: It's cool to take it slow cos you have the night blindness. Aren't the stars pretty!
MURDERBOT: Can't see them. Could be!
SISTER DOOFUS: The moon sucks cos it just reflects the sun, like me seemin' like a rock star but not actually bein' one.
MURDERBOT: I can only see the moon. Why are you trash-talking the moon? Jeez.
SISTER DOOFUS: I just like stars is all. And sometimes there is a really bright star... like your favourite star... like you want to look at it all the time...
MURDERBOT: Again, can't see them, so, like, I guess.
SISTER DOOFUS: And if you liked the star, I mean, that would be okay, wouldn't it? It wouldn't do any harm! Just to like the star! That would be allowed, right? RIGHT?
MURDERBOT: Are you, um, crying?
SISTER DOOFUS: CAN I JUST PLEASE HAVE PERMISSION TO LIKE THE STAR?
MURDERBOT: Look I don't know anything about stars... or human feelings... but you seem a little over-invested in stars, here.
MURDERBOT: Also I'm pretty sure the stars are - up there-?
MURDERBOT: This is a very intense conversation about astronomy. Please don't cry.

MANAGER: Time to sing a song about unrequited love!
SISTER DOOFUS: *sings beautifully, runs off weeping*

MANAGER: O. M. G. She is in LOVE. With Emo!
MURDERBOT: *sneerl of misery*
MANAGER: Go to her! Do something! She'll be comfy talking about it with you! She doesn't see you as a man. She doesn't even like your sticker.

MURDERBOT: So you should probably tell Emo you're a girl. And then he'll like you. And take you off my hands. And you'll be happy. And it'll be... awesome. Or something.
SISTER DOOFUS: if that's what you want :(
MURDERBOT: Yes. I am ecstatic. :(
EMO: So if there was anything at all you wanted to tell me I am a good listener and a kind person. Some would call me ideal boyfriend material.
SISTER DOOFUS: You totally are! I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY.
SISTER DOOFUS: Pleeeeeeeeeeeease can i just stay with you Murderbot please I promise I will be no trouble.
MURDERBOT: Yes... I suppose so. You are my hideous burden to bear.
EMO: I would be happ-
MURDERBOT: I said mine.

Murderbot will kill you with his mind.

MANAGER: If you, er, were suffering from the pangs of unrequited love, like, hypothetically, you could push a pressure point on your nose to ease that down.
SISTER DOOFUS: k!

PHOTOSHOOT: Could you stare at Murderbot for a little bit.
SISTER DOOFUS: My job is awesome.
Photoshoot: Pelt him with leaves and maybe wrestle.
SISTER DOOFUS: AWESOME.
MURDERBOT: While unseemly and more messy than I might like, this is a little... I might be having fun... I'm not certain this is a good idea, but I'm going to try out a laugh...
MURDERBOT: WHY ARE YOU MAKING THAT RIDICULOUS FACE? ARE YOU MOCKING ME? ARE YOU MOCKING ME ABOUT THAT PIG? I THOUGHT WE WERE HAVING A NICE MOMENT!

MURDERBOT: omg my mum wants to have dinner with me on my birthhhhday she has never celebrated it with me beforrrrrre.
MURDERMOM: Hey this is a business dinner. I hate you and I always have that's why I ran off with a songwriter.
ME: Oh no. OH NO. Murdermom is a famous singer...
ME: Like Sister Doofus's...
ME: AND SISTER DOOFUS'S FATHER WAS A SONGWRITER...
MURDERBOT: I don't know anything about that but I know my mom forgot my birthday and I am going to go off in my woman's trench coat and silk leopardprint scarf and cry.
SISTER DOOFUS: Murderbot is crying the world is ending.
SISTER DOOFUS: Let's celebrate your birthday you and me! I never saw any crying. Seaweed soup?
MURDERBOT: ... 'm allergic.
SISTER DOOFUS: Let's flick the pogs of all the bandmembers around a playground! Hee, yours is the worst one!
MURDERBOT... it's not...
SISTER DOOFUS: Can I do something and I don't want you to hate it
MURDERBOT: ... but I hate everything...
SISTER DOOFUS: HUGS
MURDERBOT: ... but... why... the touching...
SISTER DOOFUS: Thank you for being born, this is a precious day!
MURDERBOT: I... am having... a feeling. But I don't know what... it is.
MURDERBOT: Today you were pretty useful. In that - reminding me I have a soul and bringing the only light into my loveless life is... a use I guess.

EVIL ACTRESS: And now my plan to drench Sister Doofus with water making her... disguise... clear: ACTIVATE!
MURDERBOT: *wraps with tablecloth*
EVIL ACTRESS: At least I have stolen her hairpin!
MURDERBOT: I WILL BE TAKING THAT.

SISTER DOOFUS: About my hairclip-
MURDERBOT: Yes, I've-
SISTER DOOFUS: Good thing I lost it. So silly carrying it about with me always. Don't want it anyway.
MURDERBOT: Oh. Okay. No... fine.

BLONDIE: Sister Doofus, super upset about his hairclip.
MURDERBOT: Really?
BLONDIE: Probably just pretending he didn't want to find it.
MURDERBOT: .... Really?

MURDERBOT: But how do I give it back to her without showing that I ca... doing a nice th... making a fuss?
MURDERBOT: What if I craft a soft animal for her out of two animals we have in-jokes about and put the hairclip on the cuddly toy and leave it on her bed?
MURDERBOT: That is an ice-cool move. Cuddly toys = total indifference.
MURDERBOT: I am an evil genius.

An evil genius, I tell you.

PHOTOSHOOT: in which they all have to wear their signature colours!
EMO: So whose colour do you like best?
SISTER DOOFUS: Definitely yours.
MURDERBOT: I'm just going to go outside and have a moment.

SISTER DOOFUS: You okay, buddy?
MURDERBOT: NO! NO I AM NOT OKAY! Not that I care! But since you're a girl!
SISTER DOOFUS: I am confuse.
MURDERBOT: The stickers and the pogs and the colours and you never, ever, ever choose me!
SISTER DOOFUS: ...?
MURDERBOT: Could you not just lie just once? Could you not pick me, just ONCE?
SISTER DOOFUS: I'm sorry but your beautiful murderface so close to mine is really impeding my ability to have our very platonic stickers discussion.
EVIL ACTRESS: Are they... flirting?
MURDERBOT AND SISTER DOOFUS: Oh evil actress, if only either one of us knew that much about human interactions.

Sometimes friends just have to have these very platonic stickers discussions.

And that... is all I have watched. The Evil One has threatened me with dire things if I watch any without her. But obviously, I love it, and obviously, I hope that Murderbot and Sister Doofus are not siblings. (Nobody tell me whether or not they are siblings.)

It is a ridiculous show, and not just because of the hero's fashion sense. But I love it, and it does stuff right. Don't avoid clichés - use them, twist them to make a new shape and surprise people! And the conflict between characters comes from their characters. These people are in this situation because they are the people they are.

I know, characters create conflict, and you can subvert expectations to create something new--not breaking news. I mostly just wanted to tell you all a story. ;)

Ladies, Don't Let Anyone Tell You You're Not Awesome

So I was reading a book the other day, and in it was a heroine who described herself as plain and unappealing and unlovable. Fine by me, I thought, and waited for her to change her mind. She did seem to feel better about her looks because a boy liked them. I waited for something else: she ended the book convinced she was nothing much.

I closed the book with a slam and thought 'What--what--what is this?'

But I knew what it was.

A while ago, Karen Healey wrote a post asking women to say positive things about themselves - it was shockingly hard to write positive stuff about myself without adding qualifiers: saying 'I'm quite' or 'I'm a bit' or 'But of course not as good as...' Because if I did, people wouldn't like me. I wouldn't like me. I wouldn't be likable, if I said I was good at something.

People write these heroines because they think the heroines won't be likable, if they like themselves.

This is the stuff people have in their heads. And by people, I do mean mainly women. (Which is not to say guys can't be insecure--many are--and guys can't have their heads messed with by the world--all do.) But arrogant guys are often seen as attractive and lovable, described as cocky: them being confident about themselves isn't seen as an awful thing across the board. I don't see guys saying 'I can't relate to Spiderman/Miles Vorkosigan/Iron Man/Sherlock Holmes, no sir, not for me, too awesome!'

Women can't think they're pretty--because then they'll be awful. But they can't not be pretty, because then they'll be awful. In the series of books by L.J. Smith, The Vampire Diaries, Elena Gilbert is a happy, popular, beautiful, totally confident girl who is stunned when a boy doesn't like her. In the TV show, they changed Elena to a girl who's sad and recently bereaved, no longer terribly interested in popularity, who's quit cheerleading--specifically because they thought people wouldn't like the Elena from the books. I really like the show, but that bothers me a lot. I remember when my second book came out, some people said they were glad the heroine was less confident than she seemed in the first book. Some people thought she was still too confident: when the third book came out, it was the other heroine who thought she was too pretty.

There are all sorts of reasons people use to talk about how people shouldn't like girls.

There's ladies being annoying.

There's ladies being 'Mary Sues.' Zoe Marriott recently wrote a post on Mary Sues - which is an excellent post I agree with completely. Also, if you want to check the comments, there is a, uh, frank appraisal of my own appearance, which is an example of the way people discuss real-life ladies, let alone fictional one. It's fairly mild, too, which is why I'm linking it--I don't think I could have linked or laughed about it if it was vile, and I have seen people say absolutely vile things about the appearance of female writers. (I've heard people say absolutely vile things about the appearance of females, full stop, of course.)

The whole business of self-insertion in a narrative worries me a bit. I don't have to relate to a character to like her, or him. I also don't want to put myself in books. I don't want Mr Darcy to kiss me: I don't want to be in Pride and Prejudice. I want Elizabeth Bennet there. I love her, I love reading about her, I love the particular relationship between those specific characters. And yet if people do want to imagine themselves in narratives, it makes me sad that 'thinks she's awesome' is a barrier to them.

Ursula LeGuin said "We read books to find out who we are. What other people, real or imaginary, do and think and feel...is an essential guide to our understanding of what we ourselves are and may become." But what do people find out from books with girls who don't think much of themselves? What do they think they find out about themselves, or the women they know, from those books?

I hesitate to say any of this because I don't want to see any specific fictional lady lambasted for being insecure: loads of people are insecure. And readers naturally criticise girls for anything: that's my whole point.

I am not saying that all girls in books or real life should never be insecure. I know I'm insecure about a bunch of things! And I have loved an insecure fictional lady many times. Sophie in Diana Wynne Jones's Howl's Moving Castle doesn't think she is anything special. Then she gets turned into an old lady, storms a wizard's castle, and realises the things she assumed were true aren't true. And she loves and is loved by a great guy, but that's not the only thing going on with her, or the only thing that helps her to the realisation. Then there's Elizabeth Bennet, who knows she's smart and pretty. Bianca of The Duff doesn't think she's as pretty as her friends, but she knows she's smart and she is never afraid to show it or to stand up for herself. There's a spectrum, and that's how it should be: girls who start out thinking they're not awesome, girls who think they're awesome at certain things, girls who aren't sure what they are, girls who think they're generally awesome.

I just don't want to read about fictional girls who can't think they're awesome. I don't like reading about those characters and I don't like the mindset that produces them. The fictional girls I'm talking about aren't meant to be depressed (I'd like to see more actually-depressed characters in literature: they can be heroes too)--they're meant to seem normal, and likable.

I do not want to read about girls who think they're worthless. I do not want to write about girls who think they're worthless. I do not think I'm worthless.

Nobody has to like a girl, fictional or otherwise. But words like 'annoying' or 'Mary Sue' are both used as shorthand for 'girl I want to dismiss.' We've all read about characters who seemed overly perfect, or who had flaws the narrative wouldn't admit were flaws, and those characters are irritating. But I've seen just as many fictional boys like that as fictional girls (with the caveat that boys tend to get more pagetime, so they get more explored) and those boys don't get seen in the same way. As I was saying on twitter a couple days ago, I want characters to be flawed and awesome: I want them to be flawesome.

Talking about girls in this way is not useful. It just helps along the mindset that girls can't be awesome, the lie all girls get told, whispered in their ears over and over again, all through their lives.

It is not true. It never was. No person, or book, should ever have told them otherwise.

To borrow a phrase from Jeanette Winterson: 'Trust me. I'm telling you stories.' They're full of lies, but not about the important stuff.

Summertime, and the Readin' Is Easy

I was lying out in the sunshine yesterday reading a Gothic novel (as is my way) and felt a sense of absolute and profound wellbeing. 'Good lord, I love books' I thought to myself. I know, a revelation! Sarah loves books! See also, Sarah breathes air and wears clothes.

And I thought to myself further 'Self, it has been a long time since you recommended any books. And this is summer, a time when everyone should be enjoying themselves.'

So I thought that I'd make a post about books that are fun. I love a book that will make you cry or plunge you into a frenzy of introspection about the human race as much as the next crazed bibliophile, and I tend to like all my books to be a parfait (one layer of humour, one layer of pathos, one layer of romance, one layer of beautiful descriptive writing, one layer of the cruel injustice of the world!, one more layer of humour, one layer of raspberry... okay, most books skip the raspberry). But all the books on this list, I think it's possible to lie around reading and laughing in summertime. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I did.

I write all book recommendations to you guys in good faith and the belief I am impartial! I note that I have met Ally Carter and Scott Tracey in person. And I would really like to meet Jenny Crusie one day, too.

Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins - I have long searched for another author who does the Maureen Johnson thing of taking a slice of real life and presenting it as as funny and strange as real life actually is. This book does! Plus a foreign view of Paris, and a young lady who finds a boy who is shorter than her super dreamy. (Attention all: though I appreciate a flawless chiseled face, seeing ladies and gentlemen be attractive in ways that are not totally typical is lovely, and makes them seem more individual to me. And thus more attractive.) I will add that I have acquired by sneaky methods an early copy of Stephanie Perkins's next book, Lola and the Boy Next Door, and I liked it even more: gangly inventor hero by name of Cricket Bell, be mine!

Heist Society by Ally Carter - A young lady from a crime family is trying to go straight. But there's one last job she has to do, and it involves the millionaire playboy she corrupted to a life of crime, her glamorous cousin, her proud criminal forebears, the proper way to rob a museum, and being forced to fake-out make-out. (You know, when you are about to get caught doing something nefarious with a partner in crime, so you must SMOKESCREEN your nefarious activities by seizing them and wildly making out with them. This is one of my favourite things.)

The Duff by Kody Keplinger - 'This book is great' my friends said to me. 'A book in which the hero refers to the heroine as the Designated Ugly Fat Friend?' I said. 'Ha! No, this book is the worst! I will never read it, never, ever, ever. You can't make me.'

A month or so later, I broke and read it. My determination and resolve are pretty impressive, I hope you will all agree. And I loved it: our heroine Bianca is a cranky, wonderful lady, and I loved that she loved and never found silly her friends who loved to dance when she didn't, and I even loved Wesley the local lothario, because he was so clearly into Bianca, so clearly being a dumbass about it, and because they made each other laugh through being funny and terrible. (A mangled quotation for you all. BIANCA: Everyone's the DUFF. WESLEY: Not me. I am not the DUFF. BIANCA: That's because you have no friends, Wesley.)

Maybe This Time by Jenny Crusie - I want to structure books like Jenny Crusie when I grow up. I love her, and I own everything she has ever written. And I thought that I wouldn't be recommending any Gothic novels in this post, because many people do not find characters being buried alive soothing like I do. (You'll see. The Gothic novels posts are coming. Oh, they are coming.)

But this Gothic novel had to be on it. Funny modern hopeful take on A Turn of the Screw, children who the heroine refers to as 'Damien and the Bad Seed', our divorced and disillusioned heroine dealing with the young idealistic ingenue, plus the care and upkeep of a Gothic manor, complete with uncooperative housekeeper.

Diary of a Wimpy Vampire by Tim Collins - book for a younger crowd, but I love a funny vampire novel, so I wanted to read all about how Nigel was stuck being sixteen with bad skin forever.

Witch Eyes by Scott Tracey - I'm cheating with this one like I did with Lola and The Boy Next Door, because I scored an early copy and it's not out until September. But that's okay: I have no shame and cheat often.

This is a fairly traditional teen paranormal romance: our humble protagonist comes to a strange little town, finds out about protagonist's own very special powers and very special past, meets very good-looking boy and embarks on Romeo and Juliet romance. But a) it's all very well-done, b) there is a sassy girl reporter and they are my Kryptonite and c) our protagonist's also a boy. It was most excellent to read a story that said: yes, gay teens get to have these adventures and stories too.

All I Ever Wanted by Kristan Higgins - Long have I searched through the hills of bookshops for a writer to give me the Jenny Crusie feeling of a book being both funny and smart. Then lo, I found Kristan Higgins, and read all her books in a weekend orgy of laughing and eating only cheese because preparing meals meant putting the books down.

I loved the heroine because she was bubbly and girly and chatty, and anyone who judged her for that was wrong, wrong, wrong. I loved the hero because he came off as having unusual brain chemistry--never going to be all that well socialised, but no less lovable for it--and because he obviously found the heroine so compelling. (I love people who are staggering around being staggeringly crazy in love.) And I am waiting impatiently for Kristan Higgins' next book. I also highly recommend, besides this one, Just One of the Guys.

The Ogre Downstairs by Diana Wynne Jones. - This is the Diana Wynne Jones that gives me the greatest feeling of well-being, because there isn't any family betrayal or death, and because it's so grounded in the real world. It's about people hating each other and learning to get along and walk a mile in someone else's shoes (sometimes literally, because magical chemistry sets). It's about mythology turning weird and hilarious, like sowing dragon's teeth in a parking lot and getting bikers.

And it features Malcolm McIntyre, step-brother of the hero, who doesn't make facial expressions terribly well and is a huge snot, whose own burly big brother never ever pushes him around because it will only lead to days of Malcolm on the fainting couch looking tragically pallid and delicate, who is very persnickety about chemistry and tidiness. Obviously, I have been in love with Malcolm McIntyre for years.

Any books that give you the insides-are-filled-with-bubbles-and-joy feeling, please share!

Title! Title! I have a title!

Here is some stuff you guys should know. One: I am in France. It is a good time. Cassie Clare said to me 'What are you doing in July' and I said 'Erm... up to no good as usual, I guess' and she said 'What do you want to do in July?'

I was reading Mary Stewart's Madam Will You Talk at the time, because it is a Gothic novel and I am on a mission to read Allllll the Gothic novels. The book is about being chased by a murderer through Provence. So I said, tentatively: 'I'd like to go to Provence?' (Beautiful scenery. Lavender fields. Murderers. Seemed like it would be fun.)

And here we are. I love a writing retreat. I get three times as much work done as at home, and I come back relaxed. I'm very lucky to have a job that is portable, so I can travel with my work. (I also have a job that does not involve 'weekends,' let alone 'holidays' so travelling with my work is the way to do things.)

I have a whole post to write about writers' retreats (involving a confession of attempted murder) but this is a post about the other thing you guys should know.

Two: I have a title for my new book! My agent and I sent the book to editors as just Whisper, and then when it sold to the Wonderful Mallory Loehr we kept fiddling around with a ton of different titles, some involving the word 'whisper'.

I have told you guys that the book is coming next year, and that I am super mega lunatic excited about it, and I talk about it a little more here, as well as about Demon's Surrender, ladies and vampires (and while I am linking you to things, here is an essay on Sin and roles in the Lexicon series)

The plot summary, if you will recall, is YA gothic romance trilogy about a budding journalist who investigates when she realizes the town she has lived in all her life is hiding a multitude of secrets and a murderer, and the truth may lie with the ruling family who have just returned to the manor on the hill and in the whispers she hears in her head from a boy who may not be imaginary after all.

It is a lot of stuff to get in one sentence. It is even more stuff to get in a title. I wanted the idea of communication, because communication is so important to my heroine Kami, both because she wants to be a journalist, cares very much about both truth and how to tell it, and because she communicates with someone in her head--someone who she has no reason to believe is real, but the communication and the connection is terribly important to her.

I also wanted something that referenced the Gothic nature of the books. One element of the Gothic novel is the Super Creepy Family Who Live in Their Super Creepy Manor Full of Secrets, which an innocent young thing is introduced to via being a governess (Bronte's Jane Eyre) or a poor relation (Holt's The Shadow of the Lynx) or an unlucky serving wench (Gaffney's Lily) or an even more unlucky young wife (du Maurier's Rebecca. The young innocent doesn't know about Devil-Cursed Uncle Edgar or the mad wife in the attic or the regular orgies in the rose garden. All she knows is that her--or in my case, his--very life and virtue are in peril. (Sorry about putting your very life and virtue in peril, Jared.)

The book is set in modern England, but there are still manor houses and families who used to lord it over their towns and lands, and who are in a position of less power now--but not a position of no power. And my town is a very strange town. And the idea of the family who have been gone a long time and now come back, the family both revered and sinister, up in their golden hall on the hill--I wanted that in there too. Maybe the series title, I thought! And then: oh no, now I need two titles.

Sometimes, a book comes ready-made with a title. (Sometimes, I am very jealous of whoever that happens to.) Sometimes, it requires a brain-trust of people to bounce titles off. I sent squillions of titles to my new editor, the Wonderful Mallory Loehr, and she maintained a tactful silence about them.

I sat around a table in Paris with a writers' brain-trust: Holly Black, Cassie Clare and Robin Wasserman. I wrote words on scraps of paper and carried the scraps in my purse.

HOLLY: Maybe you could describe this Gothic family to us.
SARAH: Well... they're all very attractive. They're blond.
HOLLY: I meant more what they do.
SARAH: Well, all those who cross them have historically tended to perish.
HOLLY: I've got it! Hot Blond Death.
SARAH: Love it!
ROBIN AND CASSIE: ...
ROBIN: Okay, they're delirious. Time to separate them.

So later we were in Provence, in our turquoise pool where bees go on kamikaze missions and I zoom about the pool trying to rescue them.

BEE: Enough of my miserable life! I take the plunge!
SARAH: Nooooo. I'll save you, Mister Bee!
CASSIE: I've got it!
ROBIN: You've got what? The bee? Not the bee!
CASSIE: I've got Sarah's title.

And she really did. And then the same day, eating cheese and lavender honey, Robin had the series title. I sent them to my editor, and she loved them.

The book is going to be called Unspoken. It's the first book of The Lynburn Legacy.

So, so excited. I can't even tell you.