Amy L. Sullivan's Blog, page 10

Generous With Time: The Donut Rule

It’s November. It’s November. It’s November! Can you believe it? This month, I’ve invited special guests to share each Monday about topics which are important to me, and topics which happen to correlate with chapters in When More is Not Enough. First up, I’d like you to meet Jen Weaver.

Adorable, right? You like her and you haven’t even met her. I knew you would. In her post, Jen shares how her family decided to cut out time wasters in their life. By creating a family crest, the Weavers are able to focus on things which are important to them.

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Half a donut a day. No more than once every other day. No exceptions.

Growing up in a large family, one-off rules formed life’s daily existence. No doubt equal parts discipline and economics in their institution. Even with the best of intentions from awesome parents, my childhood overflowed with rules. Regulations on food, behavior, speech, chores, homework, technology, you name it. Not only did these lists require time to learn and remember, our family also invested precious hours enforcing, correcting, changing, tweaking, and re-establishing said guidelines. So many decrees that I attribute my superior memory to the plethora of guidelines I learned and employed as a child.

As Jared and I started talking about how-to raise our kids, one common theme kept rising to the top of the list. We want to guard our time, especially the time spent in instruction. Proverbs 22:6 says to “train a child in the way he should go.” Not necessarily how he should behave but the way he is to direct his life. We want to be intentional in our instruction so that our time spent together guides them toward the heart of Jesus. And as any parent knows, we’ll lose so much time fighting little battles if we’re not careful.

How to act in public.

Cleaning the table.

Not hitting.

And yes, whether I ate half a jelly donut yesterday or if it really was two days earlier.

To preempt some of these time-wasters, we’ve invested several months prayerfully developing our Family Crest—characteristics and guiding principles for the way we choose to operate as a family.

Here’s the checklist we used in determining what to include in our crest:

Guiding principles that apply to a variety of situations, not necessarily specific rules like “we clean our rooms.”
Limit the crest to 6-8 key points.
The elements in our crest are opportunities for instruction, discussion, and future additions.

Here’s our family commitment:

Our relationships with God are most important.
Every person is valuable and is to be treated with consideration, honesty, and forgiveness.
We fill our hearts with good things so that good things will come out in our thoughts, words, and actions.
We honor authority and walk under authority.
We all contribute to making our home clean, peaceful, and enjoyable.
Delayed obedience is disobedience.

As parents, we’re committed to protecting our family time against unnecessary rules. We choose to spend these moments together—the fun, the discipline, and the instruction—guiding the way for our children to form healthy relationships with God and with others. I’m sure we’ll have practical rules to enforce along the way, but prominence is given to the way we live as guidelines for what we do, instead of the other way around. Even if that means my son eats a whole chocolate sprinkled masterpiece in one sitting.

What about you? Do you have a family crest? Have you ever thought about creating one? What would you include on your crest?

Jen Weaver is a communicator, both through the written word, public speaking, and teaching. Married to her best friend Jared, she’s passionate about helping people achieve freedom and fullness in everyday life. You’ll find her blogging over at TheJenWeaver.com or connect on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

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The Goodreads giveaway is still going strong! Click over to enter and win one of five free copies of When More is Not Enough.

Goodreads Book Giveaway


When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need
by Amy L. Sullivan

Giveaway ends November 14, 2014.

See the giveaway details

at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Don’t Microwave Egg Rolls: Good Things Take Time

I thought of you and where you’d gone and the world spins madly on. —The Weepies

I wanted an egg roll, but I didn’t want to wait. So I microwaved that little guy, and the result was a much too crispy outside and a cold and soggy middle. This sort of thing happens when you try to speed-up a process which is intended to take time.

Last year, I wrote myself into the ground.

If I didn’t have an article finished or a post scheduled, you better believe I would rise in the middle of the night to make that happen. Interestingly enough, when God told me to make room for Him and stop working full-time, I thought it was so I could throw myself headfirst into writing. Instead, He’s been telling me to slow down.

This proves difficult for a girl who likes to produce.

Months before my book came out, people started asking me about my next project. This made me both excited and nervous. Excited because what no one tells you when you are writing a book is you better love the topic you choose for your book because it is all you will eat, sleep, and talk about for years.

Working on something new sounded refreshing.

But I felt nervous too because there was so much to do with my newly released book. People try to tell you the hard work comes after the book is written. You think they are nice and well-meaning, and you ignore them. Thank you, sweet, little people (envision me patting them on the head), but it turns out they are right. The follow-up after you write a book is intense.

I was also nervous about the “What’s next?” question because the first thing I was asked when I met with a publisher at a recent writing conference was “How is your first book selling?” At that point, the book had been out for a little over two weeks, and I’m not going to lie, that’s some pressure.

And that brings me to now, work is aplenty, but none of it shows up on the old blog. Soon I’m headed to Texas and then to Minnesota to speak. I’m off to an author day at one school and a career day at another. I’ve got my hand in both print and online articles all over, but it makes me wonder…

I received The Sun magazine in the mail a few days ago.

When The Sun arrives, I want to throw myself into my bed and read it from cover to cover. Once I faked an illness so I could snuggle on the couch and read each delicious page. True story. Most authors of The Sun do not have snazzy websites nor do they schedule updates on every form of social media. That’s not to say that’s where I’m headed, but it’s just to say sometimes the producing of writing gets in the way of the art of writing especially in the fast-paced online world where a post written at 8:00 am is old news by lunch.

I want to make certain I’m not producing heaps of disposible content. I want to leave space for the real stuff, the type of writing which takes longer to cook. I don’t want to push myself before it’s ready, and I certainly don’t want a crispy outside and a soggy middle.

Your turn. Do you find yourself producing, producing, producing, or making time to savor? 

*And a great big whoops for the post which went out yesterday. It was a partial draft for a series I’m running in November (complete with all kinds of special guests!). Nice, but hey, here’s something fun: I’m running a series in November with all kinds of fun guests. Yes, I just repeated myself. Does that make up for scheduling a draft and actually sending it out to my entire email list? Does it? Does it?

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Another PS: A Goodreads giveaway is happening now. Head over to win one of five free copies of When More is Not Enough.

Goodreads Book Giveaway


When More is Not Enough – How to Stop Giving Your Kids What They Want and Give Them What They Need
by Amy L. Sullivan

Giveaway ends November 14, 2014.

See the giveaway details

at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Catching Up: Fall, A Coveted Award, and a Living Nativity

Well, hello, fabulous readers.

Since the transfer to the new website, there’s been an issue with email updates, and now that it is repaired, you may have been bombarded with a slew of old blog posts in your inbox over the weekend. So, sorry. I think we are all fixed-up, and you will continue to hear from me (yay!) but not eight posts at a time (yay, again!).

Let’s catch up, shall we?

Last weekend, I attended a writing conference in Michigan. While I was gone, my husband won the coveted Husband of the Year Award. It’s true. He earned this award for taking the kids to the school’s annual Fall Festival and even shuttling the neighbor kids to the bus. Plus, he didn’t even feed the kids pizza every night. A true hero.

However, the award was only his for a brief moment because upon my return, I discovered he signed our family up to participate in a two day Living Nativity event. I am assuming thus said event will include real animals, and I will be required to dress in Biblical garb.

Ask me how happy I am about this. Not very.

Signing up the family for a Living Nativity event = No award. Sorry, babe.

In addition, while I was conferencing it up, my second born walked around with what I not-so affectionately call the double-pony hairstyle for days. Poor thing. My husband says he does her hair in the double-pony so she is “ready to pounce”. I don’t understand what that means, but it translates into two very tight ponytails which are tied together and then somehow attached to the back of her head.

In other news, my addiction to Instagram continues to grow, and should you want to view random pictures of gourds, please head over as quickly as you can click.

Is this a gourd? I simply cannot say.

What I can say is there are about a trillion reasons I love the farmers market, but if I had to narrow it down to just one, I would say the colors. Yesterday, I saw an eggplant which was such a deep purple and so over-the-top shiny that I had to lift it up twice and shake it to make certain it was real. I am sure I am the only person who believes some of the fruits and vegetables at the farmers market aren’t real just like I believe natural hot springs are not real, but that is a post for another day. Oh and when you shake a real eggplant, you don’t actually hear anything. Just a little FYI.

Besides that, the Sullivans are rolling around the neighborhood on a hand-me-down scooter from the neighbors and painting mustaches and candy corn on pumpkins in the frontyard. It is absolute bliss.

Oh and we are drinking apple cider.

Now you go. What have you been up to this fall and do you think it was appropriate for my husband to lose the Husband of the Year Award? Go ahead, give it to me straight.

Six Surprises I Learned from #PureEyesCleanHeart

I knew the moment he picked up his guitar and opened his mouth to lead worship in front of a rowdy bunch of junior high kids that I loved him. He would be my husband. I was barely twenty and we had been dating all of maybe six days, but this unmistakable stirring in my heart was love. ~Jen Ferguson

This is my friend Jen and her husband, Craig. They did something wonderful and scary and obedient and brave. They wrote a book, not just any book, but they wrote a book about porn addiction. Yep, they sure did. Do you want a peek? Well, of course you do. Here it is:

Now if you know me personally, you know sharing is tough for me. What? You want to know what laundry detergent I use? What? Why? That just seems so personal. Let’s go there later. For now, let’s just focus on you.

That’s not Jen and Craig. Jen and Craig have decided to use their story to help others, and they have decided to use their story to glorify God.

As you can imagine, I’m pretty dang proud.

Here are Six Surprises I Learned from Pure Eyes, Clean Heart.

1.  A lot of people engage in the use of porn, like a whole lot. The Fergusons quote a study of college students ages 18–26, in which researchers found that 86% of young adult men reported having used pornography in the past year, with approximately one fifth reporting daily or every-other-day use and 48.4% reporting weekly pornography use.

2. Cheater, Cheater. People who have cheated on their spouse were three times more likely to have engaged with Internet pornography.

3. Jen says it’s not about you or those other women on the screen. She states, “The war is not against your body. It is not against porn stars. It is not against your husband. It is against the powers of this dark world.”

4. Craig says it’s false that Internet filters can curb or cure pornography addictions. Craig goes on to state, “In my experience setting up software programs is only a temporary fix.”

5. We are wired to share our burdens.

I believe God put in us this innate desire to help each other, but often, when we are the ones in need, we convince ourselves that perhaps we should just carry on alone. We tell ourselves that no one else could withstand the weight. We think our burden to be too much and people are too busy with their own issues and problems. We push aside the notion of asking for help because we are afraid we might be judged, looked down upon, invalidated, or disbelieved. ~Jen Ferguson

6. No matter where you are in your relationship, remember to delight in your spouse. One of my favorite parts of the book is when the Fergusons remind us to delight in each other, to remember what drew us to our spouse in the first place. I love it when Jen pushes us to become “enraptured in the moments profoundly good”.

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As an added bonus: I want you to know Jen Ferguson is as real as it gets. She was one of the first people I met online who I later met in person who I will chat it up in Texas with soon. She is exactly who she seems to be, and I truly believe Pure Eyes, Clean Heart has the power to impact many.

Should you want to learn more about Jen and Craig, go here. Should you want to get in the date night giveaway the Fergusons have put together, check this out. Should you want to skip all of that and go straight for the book, click here.

When More is Not Enough: Video Recap and Photos

Just a quick note to let you know I appreciate all of your support with the release of When More is Not Enough. You guys are awesome, and I have no words.

The Book Release/Volunteer Fair was amazing. Nonprofits showed up. Families showed up. All was good in the world.

Thanks from the Sullivans.

Interested in more photos and some behind the scense shots of the event?

When More is Not Enough: It’s Release Day, Baby

When More is Not Enough officially releases today!

This is not the book I ever saw myself writing. This book isn’t even housed on the same shelf in the same section of the bookstore as the book I saw myself writing.

But that’s God for you. You think you have a clean and tidy life all mapped out, and He walks in and shakes up your world. This experience feels uncomfortable and vulnerable, and I have asked Him no less than 1.4 million times, So really, really? I’m the girl you want for this thing?

Apparently, the answer is yes.

In honor of the big book release, my family created this finely scripted video, which exhibits exemplary cinematography, and our uncanny ability to introduce ourselves.

http://amylsullivan.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Introcution.m4v

 

After an intro like that, I am certain you will click as fast as your little mouse can take you and head over to purchase a copy.

When More is Not Enough is about serving others and generous living, but it’s mostly about learning to love better. Strange things happened while I was learning to love others better. Things I didn’t expect, but things I am embracing just the same.

Lesson One: Sometimes it is actually is about me.

Mary Daly said, “Courage is a habit, a virtue: You get it by courageous acts. It’s like you learn to swim by swimming. You learn courage by couraging.”

Compassion is no different. We learn compassion by practicing compassion. Compassion towards others (which turns out is easier than expected) and compassion towards ourselves (which turns out is downright hard).

While writing this book, I’ve gone from totally self-absorbed to totally focused on everyone but me to realizing when God instructs us to be kind to one another, it means we should be kind to ourselves too. Translation: Practice self-compassion, Amy Sullivan.

Showing myself grace and compassion is very new. I’m still staring at this idea from a safe distance and sizing it up.

Lesson Two: People will rally and denying people the opportunity to rally is selfish.

Do you remember that time when a bunch of people rallied to throw a party because they care about a women, children, and families in crisis in North Carolina?

Oh no? Let me remind you.

http://amylsullivan.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Amys-reaction-2.mp4

 

The proceeds I make for this book are going to Transformation Village, a new housing development in Western North Carolina. Why would people in Texas and Washington and Michigan care about this? I’ll tell you why. People long to rally behind ideas they believe in.

This surprises the never-want-to-put-anyone-out part of me. This reminds me people deserve to be involved, and if you chose not to involve people it is selfish, selfish, selfish.

In case you missed me repeating the same word three times in the previous sentence, let me break it down for you again, selfish.

Lesson Three: Just because you are doing something God wants, doesn’t mean it will be easy.

I assumed if I was writing the book I felt God wanted me to write, and I was giving all of the proceeds I make away, the publishing process would be smooth. Bumps in the road would be nonexistent. I believed everyone involved would link arms, toss confetti in the air, and possibly sing a couple rounds of our favorite song.

But obviously life isn’t like that. Even when we are on the right track, things go wrong, but the God of when times are easy is the very same God of when times are difficult.

Thanks so much to all of you for showing up here and reading. As I said to a small group earlier this week. I couldn’t do this without you, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to.

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The winner of for Preorder Perks is Kelli Hughes. Thanks, to everyone who preordered and entered.

A Grant for Kids Who Want to Make a Difference: Start a Snowball

Kids have the best ideas.

When my daughter said she and a friend wanted to create a nail polish stand to raise money for a local church, I doubted the idea. Who is going to be crazy enough to pay a couple of eleven year olds to paint their nails lime green? Well, apparently, quite a few people because on that sunny summer day, cars and walkers just kept coming, and money was raised.

The nail polish stand was fun and the duo wanted more. So, the girls applied for a grant to help a local nonprofit, Sweetwater Youth Ranch. The girls wanted to help create a brochure for Sweetwater Youth Ranch which could be printed or downloaded from their website.

This was the result.

Followed by this.

Topped off with dancing and cabbage patch-like moves followed by the words, “Ohhhhhh, snap”.

My guess is your kid has great ideas too, and that’s why I want to share about Start a Snowball. Start a Snowball is a nonprofit organization committed to helping kids engage in philanthropy. Start a Snowball encourages kids to apply for grants in order to fund others-centered ideas and service projects.

If you are interested in seeing  previous grant recipiants, check out this list. Start a Snowball is perfect for classrooms, youth groups, friends, and individual kids who have a great idea, but are short on funds. Plus, applying for the grant is easy.

Simply follow these steps:

1. Go to the Start a Snowball website and click apply for a grant.

2. Fill out this grant form which includes the following questions: What inspired you to take on this project? What are your goals? What is the group of number of people you hope to help? *Resist the urge to take over this part. Start a Snowball understands kids are the ones applying.

3. Wait.

Honestly, even if my daughter and her friend wouldn’t have earned the grant, the process of applying was a good experience getting the grant was an added bonus.

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Take a minute to check out Start a Snowball.

Your turn: Do your kids have any projects which have been stirring around in their little heads?

When More is Not Enough: Preorder Perks

In less than a week, this little guy will break out into the world.

Yay and oh my gosh and yay and holy cow and yay! If you create anything (paintings, photos, poems, desserts) you know the fear which goes along with releasing your work into the world.

My thinking has gone from this: This is exciting! What a process this has been from contract to release! How fun! Watch me dance!

To this: What am I doing? What if the proceeds I make from this book for Transformation Village only total $5.00, and the director of Transformation Village calls me and says, “Why thank you, Amy. We can put this $5.00 towards a package of diapers for one of our residents, and if you write another book, we may be able to purchase a full package of diapers!” Oh, God, what have a done? Breathe, Breathe.

Regardless, When More is Not Enough is the lesson on love our family needed to learn.

Ann Lamott once wrote, “One of the gifts of being a writer is that it gives you an excuse to do things, to go places and explore. Another is that writing motivates you to look closely at life as it lurches by and tramps around.”

This book is what happened when our family listened to God, watched life tramp around, and decided to explore. This book is not condemning or heady or a step-by-step process to turn your kids or family into something they are not. It simply explores the idea of more in a new way. More prayers, more forgiveness, more compassion, more love.

I want to invite you to preorder When More is Not Enough, and I am making preordering fun by offering some loot. Raise your hand if you like free loot. Good, good, that’s what I thought.

For Everyone

A Super Cute Printable. Everyone who preorders (and gives me their email) will receive a high quality printable to print and frame, print and stick on your wall, print and put at eye level on your kid’s bedroom door, or print and tape to the refrigerator. *Frame not included.

For Those Who Are Purchasing Books for a Small Group. If you have decided you want your book club, small group, Bible Study crew, or neighborhood girlfriends to read When More is Not Enough together, let me know, and I will Facetime or Skype into your living room and chat it up with you and your friends. Please indicate on the form below that this is a small group purchase. Caution: I do not promise to brush my hair for this event.

For one lucky winner

A Few of My Favorite Things #RaisingGivers Style. One person who preorders will receive this package of my favorite things.

Item #1: Your choice of short-sleeved T-shirt from Sevenly. If you know Sevenly, you know each week Sevenly teams up with a great cause, commissions artists to create original gear and then donates $7.00 of each purchase to the cause. Super, duper idea and super, duper shirts, accessories, and prints. This week’s cause is foster care. Take a peek at more T-shirts here.

Item #2: How the World Eats book. Beautiful book, stunning photography, and a visual of what people around the world eat. Fantastic for the coffee table. Our family loves this book, and our neighbors want to steal it.

Item #3: A signed copy of When More is Not Enough to Give to a friend. You love your friends. Go ahead and remind them.

To claim your free goods, fill out the form below, and hit submit. I’m not going to require proof of purchase because hey, I trust you guys. I am going to require you to fill out the form, because hey, I need an email so I can send your snazzy print, and let you know if you won the shirt, the coffee table book your neighbors will want to steal, and an extra copy of When More is Not Enough to give away.

Preorder here.

Contest closes on Saturday, September 2oth, and the winner will be announed on release day (September 22nd). Good luck, friends!

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When You Love a Book, Let it Go: Michelle DeRusha’s #50Women

I’ve loved books since the fourth grade when I hid in my room and devoured every page of Dicey’s Song by Cynthia Viogt. Diecy was strong, and Dicey reminded me even the young can be strong. Dicey’s story never became old, and because of Dicey, I started to collect books. Before Pintrest photos highlighted reading rooms, I longed for an in-home library. In my library, I envisioned books from the floor to the ceiling. I pictured a ladder in which I’d climb from the very bottom of my stunning, built-in bookshelf to the tippy, tippy top.

Since I was pretending, I gave myself a fireplace (so I could snuggle under a blanket) and a globe (since every decent library has a globe). But more importantly than the ladder, fireplace, and globe, I needed every book I owned to fill the shelves of my library, and therefore, I didn’t like to loan books.

My book hoarding changed when I met Laura who not only encouraged me not to return a book she loaned me, but asked me to sign my name in the front of her book and give it away when I was finished reading.

Giving away books did not sit well with my pretend library building self, but I gave Laura’s book away to a friend who later told me it was the exact book she needed at the exact time she needed it. It’s funny how that works.

If you come to my house, you will discover I don’t have copies of my all time favorite books because they are in the hands of others.

This book is no different.

My friend, Michelle DeRusha, wrote a book about 50 women who were heroines of faith. When I learned the first woman in the book, Hildegard of Bingen, lived in 1098, I was certain Hildegard and I would have nothing in common. I mean, what do people of 1098 do besides make hearty stews in a room lit by candles?

I was wrong. Hildegard felt called to write, but she ignored this calling because she felt selfish and inadequate. Huh, apprently feelings of self-doubt happened back then too. Maybe I could relate.

In DeRusha’s book, I met Margret Fell who was a pioneer in spreading Quakerism. I met Simone Weil who believed manual labor was the road to truth. I met Jarena Lee who lost both her reputation and her status, but not her faith. I met women I’ve never heard of, but women I long to learn from.

50 Women Every Christian Should Know isn’t a stuffy account of inspiring women, it’s history which reads like fiction. Adventure, visions, meddling families, and even the tale of a shipwreck line the pages. My prediction: You will want to keep this book forever. I understand because I want to keep this book forever too, but my friend Laura would disapprove, and honestly, I like this giving away business.

Therefore, it’s yours.

Fine, fine, not all of you. You all can’t have it, but let’s do this. Go visit, Michelle (go on now, she’s expecting you!), and then come back and email me (AmyLSullivan12@gmail.com) one reason you’d like the book.  Since today is 9/16, the sixteenth person who emails me gets the book.

Now go, come back, and email away!

Fabulous Finds: Week 3

See these two.

They wrote this book.

This book is important to me for many reasons, but get ready, I’m going to throw out the top eight reasons I am excited about this book. Hold on to your hats. Old school picture approaching.

Reason #1 The author is my forever friend.

I’ve known one of the authors since I was eleven. She is my oldest friend. I can tell you what her favorite TV show was in sixth grade. Answer: Mickey Mouse Club House. Obviously. Hello, young JT.

(This is us when we had long, shiny hair, and we enjoyed spending our days hanging upside down on couches. You are missed, 1992.)

I can tell you about the special treat Lori’s father cooks up in the kitchen. Answer: sugared pecans. Delish. I can tell you how Lori’s family strung Christmas lights. Answer: Vertically instead of the round and round fashion.

I can tell you I knew Lori would write as an adult because she wrote as a tween.

Reason #2 This book = bravery.

The authors, Lori and Steven, get candid about their relationship. Putting your thoughts and flaws out there for everyone to see? No thank you, says the girl who is a big believer in whisper yelling in public places.

Plus, as most books do, this book has a history, one you can’t find in the illustration on the front cover or within the contents of the pages. This book was a finalist in a contest, which took the authors all the way to California. This book helped introduce the authors to the big names in writing, and in the end, this book was the book which pushed Lori and Steven to make decisions about writing on their terms. That’s bravery.

Reason #3 This book will make you laugh.

Finding out about Lori’s fears of me being a crazy-polygamist-family-butcher makes me laugh, but I get it. —Steven McClure

Reason #4 This book will make you think.

Learn to love your choices. If you can’t learn to love them make new ones. —Lori McClure

Reason #5 This book will remind you God gives us goodness and sometimes that goodness comes in the form of other people.

We don’t deserve any of the goodness in our lives, but goodness we have nonetheless. God has seen fit to shower down upon us in sheets of wonder…—Steven McClure

Reason #6 This book will make you go “Awwwww”.

I feel really bad for all the women here. It must be hard for them when you are in the room because you’re so beautiful. Maybe we should leave so they don’t feel so bad.    —Steven McClure

Reason #7 This book challenges readers to love and love well.

Love is out there for us all, and sometime it’s waiting on us to open the door. —Lori McClure

Reason #8 This book mentions me in the acknowledgement section.

Me! Me! See my name, it’s right there. Right where you can see it. A-M-Y. That’s me. I made it. Envision me twirling an imaginary lasso around my head and dancing about my house.

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Thanks for reading about my Fabulous Finds of the week. Tune in next Friday for more, and while you wait on next Friday, why don’t you click here and check out 15 Ways to Make Love Impossible.