Stephen Kuhn's Blog, page 23

Smart Quote: Francis Schaeffer

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

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Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Lucas Gifford: The Real Reason We Look at Porn

“That moment as a little boy was the beginning of my relationship with sexual energy. Before I ever became familiar with the anatomy of a real girl, I became very familiar with pictures of girls—just like most men in our modern world. The original conditioning to sexual release for most boys comes from pictures and movies, and the euphoria and release from visual stimulation drives us back time and again, until unfortunately, addictions form in many of our lives.”

Relevant: How Do I Deal With My Partner’s Sexual Baggage?

“…no matter what we’ve done, Jesus loves us unconditionally, takes us back again and again, and empowers us to live holy and righteous lives in the here and now.”

Fierce Marriage: Eliminating “Should” from Your Marriage

“When I find my marriage struggling; when Ryan and I aren’t seeing eye to eye and I feel our agreement and intimacy being chipped away, it’s time I go back to my Savior. I’ve strayed too far and have forgotten His Words that eliminate the pressure and burden of what I should be doing.”

Micah J. Murray: Confessions of the Older Brother

“Always, I was waiting for the day — it was coming anytime now — when my Father would give me his approval, his metaphorical robe and ring. Any day now, he’d throw me a party and say, ‘You’ve finally made me proud.’”

Sean McDowell: Did Jesus Exist?

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DONE: You Are Delighted In by God

For the Lord your God is living among you.

    He is a mighty savior.

He will take delight in you with gladness.

    With his love, he will calm all your fears.

    He will rejoice over you with joyful songs” (Zephaniah 3:17).

I love my daughter.

Yeah, I know, she’s my kid so I kinda have to love her, right?

But I genuinely love her. I’m crazy about her. In fact, I’d rather spend time with her than anyone else. You might even say I delight in her.

Last weekend, we celebrated my birthday. And like any 34-year-old, I rented a bounce castle for the afternoon.

Did I actually want a bounce castle for my birthday?

Well, yeah, I kinda did.

But what I wanted even more was to see the smile on my daughter’s face as the castle began to inflate and take its shape. I wanted to hear her laughter and shouts of joy as she bounced for hours.

I delight in my daughter’s happiness because I delight in her. Her joy is my joy.

In the same way, God delights in you as His adopted son. Sometimes, He chooses to bless you for no other reason than to delight in your joy with you.

He did that for me at my party last Saturday. When all the kids ran inside to gorge on cupcakes, I stayed back to lie down in the middle of my little inflatable kingdom and rest for a few minutes. In that moment, engulfed in the warm sunshine and inflated vinyl, I heard the Lord speak to me:

“ The angels and I are having a great time up here watching you kids have fun. 

Oh, and I gave you this sunshine as a gift to show you my love.

Happy birthday, son.

You are my joy.

I delight in you.

Don’t ever forget it.”

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You Are Delighted In by God appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: Oswald Chambers

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Oswald Chambers appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Relevant: The Youth Group Lessons I’ve Had to Unlearn

“I always stood there, blinking at that question. I still don’t really know, and I’ve been around the whole thing long enough to know that there’s no formula, no exact equation. But I think there are some problematic messages I learned growing up in church that we’re communicating to our youth still today.”

Intentional Warriors: To Beat Porn, Reclaim Desire

“Unless we live out of the promise and reality of a healed heart which is good — flowing with rivers of living water — we are merely holding on, trying not to sin. But that’s not what Jesus is after. And anyway, a life of trying not to sin is a sure way to fall back into sin.”

XXXChurch: 4 Unexpected Things That Happen When You Quit Porn

“When you quit porn, it means you risk the unpredictable maze of the human experience. I’m not overstating the case here. There are plenty of developmentally stunted young adults who cannot bear to endure rejection or even a friend who’s having a bad day, because they’re so used to clicking the kind of ‘friend’ they want to have. While it sounds safe to stay in a cave with a computer all the time, porn only makes you less human, and not more.”

CCEF: Engaging Our Emotions, Engaging with God

“If you are surprised to hear that God actually wants you to draw near to him when you feel like you are an emotional mess, remember this: the Bible views emotions as fundamentally good. How do I know this? Because we are image bearers of God and he has emotions. His joy, hate, wrath, compassion, jealousy and love are the model for ours.”

Rob Bell: Open

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DONE: You are Loved with an Everlasting Love

“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
        With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself (Jeremiah 31:3).

If you’ve ever seen the classic 70’s film, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, you will undoubtedly remember the scene where Wonka unveils his top-secret new creation: The Everlasting Gobstopper.

The Gobstopper, for those of you who didn’t grow up pretending to be an Oompa Loompa, is a funky looking jawbreaker that never gets any smaller. In the words of Willy Wonka himself: “You can suck them and suck them and suck them and they’ll never get any smaller. Never!”

A single piece of this magic candy would last you the rest of your life because it would never diminish in size…never be reduced…never shrink in the slightest.

In other words, it would be everlasting.

ev·er·last·ing

     adjective

     1. lasting forever; eternal: everlasting future life.

The Lord uses this exact same word when He describes His love through the prophet Jeremiah, which means nothing will ever make His love for you stop, shrink, or be reduced in any way.

The moment you put your faith in Christ, every barrier that ever stood between you and the everlasting love of God was removed forever:

Your bad decisions will not reduce it.
Your stubbornness cannot stop it.
Your sin will never block it.

Or, to (loosely) paraphrase Willy Wonka, no matter how much you feel like you suck, God’s love for you will never get any smaller.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You are Loved with an Everlasting Love appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Smart Quote: Martin Luther King Jr.

Thoughts on this quote? Feel free to discuss them in the comments below.

The post Smart Quote: Martin Luther King Jr. appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Are You Defining Yourself by Your Sexuality?

What if I asked, Who are you?, how would you respond?

If you’re like most people, you would tell me your age, current job, or even a list of hobbies you enjoy. If you’re a parent, you would surely tell me about your kids. And if you got more comfortable with me, you might even share that you’re gay, straight, transgender, or bisexual. After all, there does seem to be a growing pressure in our society to define yourself by your sexual preferences.

But what if your sexuality isn’t the best way to define yourself?

When we think of sexuality, it’s tempting to view it as a collection of different boxes. For example, look at the following image:

Most people can place themselves in whichever box they identify with. To do so, however, can lead you to become attached to that particular box. In other words, you can allow the box you’re in to define your identity.

For example, let’s say you identify yourself as a lesbian. By making that a defining characteristic of who you are, much of your life will be interpreted from within that box. If you hear someone claim God’s plan for marriage is for one man and one woman (a paradigm that doesn’t fit within your box) it will feel like a personal attack.

Or, what if you identify as a gay man, but find yourself drawn towards a woman? You might question those feelings based on the understanding that you’re supposed to be attracted to men and write the desire off as an anomaly. You may reject it based on how you understand your box, not on what your heart is telling you.

By defining yourself based on your sexual attractions, you’re allowing something that is designed to be only one part of you to become the driving force in your life. Rather than asking how your sexuality fits in with who you are, you may be trying to fit who you are into your sexuality.

Photo by Mario Mancuso | Flickr CC

A Better Way to Define Yourself

Your sexual attractions certainly do help describe you, but it’s important to never let them define you. In order to figure out what does define you—your true identity—you first need to understand who God says you are. After all, He’s the one who made you, so He is the only one with the authority to tell you who you truly are.

Thankfully, all throughout Scripture, there are dozens of examples of God telling you His definition of you. Any time you see the phrase “in Him,” or “in Christ,” it’s a description of how God sees you from the first moment you trust Jesus. For example:

You are a child of God ( 1 John 3:1 )
You are eternally connected to His love ( Romans 8:38-39 )
Your sins are all forgiven ( Ephesians 1:7 )
You have become a new creation ( 2 Corinthians 5:17 )
You are no longer condemned for anything ( Romans 8:1 )

The best part is this identity is available to everyone who puts his or her trust in Jesus. On top of that, it’s not a box you have to earn the right to enter, because He already paid the admission for anyone who accepts it.

It should be noted, however, that receiving this new identity doesn’t mean your sexuality will change instantly. Transformation is a life-long process, and God may or may not decide that your sexuality is His first priority. Odds are good though, that He will change the lens through which you interpret it.

Interpreting Your Sexuality from Your True Identity

Rather than identifying yourself by your sexuality, I’d encourage you to first define yourself as a child of God, and then ask which of the following categories your sexuality fits into: Pistis, or Pornea?

Pistis is the greek word used throughout the Bible for faithful purity. Not the white-knuckle, resist-temptation-through-sheer-willpower external purity many of us grew up chasing, but the internal purity that only comes from trusting Jesus to transform the deepest desires of your heart.
Pornea , however, is any sexual activity outside of God’s established boundaries. There has been much debate on what exactly that entails, but I trust if you’re truly seeking to be pistis, anything that falls under pornea will become clear to you.

The important thing to realize about these categories, however, is they aren’t boxes—they’re trajectories: opposite ends of a line you can move between with varying levels of speed and velocity.

For example, imagine a pastor of a growing church with a loving wife and a couple of kids at home. He’s very outspoken about his conservative political views on marriage, and has preached multiple times on the evils of lust and sexual sin. Recently, however, he’s discovered a strong draw towards pornography, but he’s ignoring it hoping that it will go away. In reality, he knows it’s pulling him further away from his wife and causing him to feel increasingly distant from God. He may seem closer to pistis at the moment, but he’s quickly moving towards pornea.

On the other hand, imagine two women in a committed relationship who hear the message of God’s love for them and wholeheartedly receive it. They both recognize their need for a Savior and choose to trust Jesus, yet they decide to remain together as they pursue a deeper understanding of what it means to be disciples of Christ. Many would place them near pornea, but they’re moving towards pistis quickly.

These examples illustrate how, when it comes to being either pistis or pornea, the direction in which you are moving is more important than where you (or others) would place yourself currently.

Furthermore, no matter which direction you’re headed, it will never change your truest, deepest identity as a forgiven, accepted, unconditionally loved child of God. Once you’re in that box, you’re there for eternity.

So, instead of defining yourself as gay, what if you defined yourself as a child of God who happens to be attracted to other men?

Instead of identifying first as bisexual, what if you grounded your identity in the fact that God loves you unconditionally?

After all, God sees you as so much more than your sexuality. What would happen if you did the same?

Stephen Kuhn is the author multiple books, including 10 Lies Men Believe about Porn, and DONE. 52 Amazing Things That Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

You can find out more about his ministry and read his story here.

The post Are You Defining Yourself by Your Sexuality? appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.

Weekly Web (W)roundup

Each week, I round up the best resources, articles, and videos I find that are relevant to finding freedom from porn addiction. Please note that by posting a link here it does not mean I agree with everything in the linked article. It just means I found it interesting enough to share.

Anna Malika: A Letter to the Man on the Other Side of the Screen

“I am standing in firm belief that you will overcome this because pornography is more than just pictures and videos: they are children, often girls and sometimes boys. Regardless of their gender, they truly do not want to be there. They are people like me.”

XXXChurch: How To Deal With Loneliness And Shame

“How useful shame has been to your recovery so far? I’m guessing not so much. I’m guessing that beating yourself up over and over again only accentuates the shame. I’m guessing that it only causes you to cover your face.”

Tim Challies: Burning and Yearning

“I draw the distinction to show that there is a sexual desire that is good and honoring to God. We do not need to feel guilt for this desire or to feel that it is intrinsically wrong. It is a sexual desire that is yielded to the Lord.”

Desiring God: A Safe Place for Sexual Sinners

“Christians who struggle with sexual sin begin to fear that Christianity has nothing to offer but bad news — guilt and shame. Whether the struggle is with homosexuality, fornication, or pornography, many feel helpless in the fight to kill their sin. They don’t know how to deal with the guilt and shame. They feel unsafe around Christians and struggle to see anything good about the gospel we present, especially when the grace of the gospel is not highlighted or lived out.”

Pete Wilson: Love Is All That Matters

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DONE: You Have a Secure Future

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

Chances are, you’ve at least considered the thought that God may have had big plans for you once. But not anymore. That ship has sailed.

Maybe it’s because of something you did in the past, or something that was done to you. Perhaps it’s the accumulated effects of all the shame and guilt that come with addiction. Either way, you look at the path your life has taken and believe the lie that God can no longer use you.

You must realize though, nothing from your past will ever be bad enough to disqualify you from the amazing future God has planned for you. Just look at God’s prophecies to the Israelites through Jeremiah.

For the first 28 chapters of the book, God lays out a list of all the ways the Israelites have turned away from Him. There’s adultery and idolatry. They’ve listened to false prophets and allowed paganism to corrupt their worship. The entire nation has hardened their hearts toward God and rejected His ways.

As a consequence for these sins, God has allowed them to be taken into exile by the Babylonians. But even then, He doesn’t give up on them.

In the twenty-ninth chapter, God encourages His people to not lose heart even while they remain in captivity. He calls them to set their eyes back on Him and warns them to not be deceived again. He encourages them that this period of exile will not last forever, and that He hasn’t forgotten them.

Then, in the midst of one of the lowest points in Israel’s history, God makes this stunning promise to them:

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11).

No matter how far the Israelites strayed from God, they would always be welcomed back into His good plan once they chose to trust Him again. And it’s no different with you and me.

Regardless of where you have been, God still has a plan for you.

A plan with a future.

A plan full of hope.

This post was an excerpt from my book, DONE. 52 Amazing Things that Became True of You the Moment You Trusted Christ.

The entire book is available as individual posts here, but if you prefer a good old-fashion paperback, you can purchase a copy from Amazon.

The post DONE: You Have a Secure Future appeared first on Belt of Truth Ministries.