Soraya Diase Coffelt's Blog, page 11
November 1, 2021
Two Important Things Parents Can Do To Stop Nagging
Nagging hurts the parent-child bond. There is no doubt about that. Last week, my blog post was 6 Reasons Why Parents Should Stop Nagging and this week it is about how to stop nagging. Once we parents get into the habit of nagging, it’s not easy to stop, so it is up to us to learn how to stop. I hope that you will implement these two helpful tips:
1. Find out why you nag.
One of the main reasons that we nag is out of fear for our children. Mandie Shean, psychologist and teacher, suggests that we need to allow our children to fail: “The problem is, in our efforts to protect children, we take valuable opportunities for learning away from them. Failure provides benefits that cannot be gained any other way. Failure is a gift disguised as a bad experience. Failure is not the absence of success, but the experience of failure on the way to success.”
Another factor is how we ourselves were raised. Did you have a parent who nagged you to do things? If so, you are more likely to be a nagger too.
Ask yourself what triggers you to nag. Can you accomplish your goals without nagging? The answer is, of course, a resounding yes!
2. Find another way to handle the situation rather than nagging.
Finding an alternative way to handle a problem or challenge requires controlling our emotions and planning ahead of time. Have your children participate in planning. Prepare visual aids that will give them direction and serve as constant reminders.
For example: the goal is to have your son do his homework every day before dinner. Talk with him about it. Prepare a chart similar to the one that is suggested in the website article from the messymotherhood.com below with all the chores and other tasks he is required to do on a daily or weekly basis. Talk with him about when he can complete all that he has to do and how much time should be allocated for each. Prepare a chart that will be an important visual aid for him to remember. Once he completes a chore, he will be able to check it off.
Talk with him about what happens if he does not follow through as planned. Let him know the consequences in advance.
Instead of nagging him over and over about doing a specific task or chore, point to the chart and remind him. Discuss what must be done if he does not comply. Be sure to follow through on the consequences. He will not adhere to the plan unless he knows that there are definite consequences. Be sure as well to give kudos for following through. Emphasizing the positive is an excellent motivating factor. Finally, be patient as you and your children transition to a new way of doing things. Help them to check their charts regularly and then develop the habit on their own.
https://wehavekids.com/parenting/Why-Do-We-Nag-Our-Children-and-How-Do-We-Stop
https://messymotherhood.com/one-simple-thing-stop-nagging-for-good/
https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/parenting/behavior/5-ways-to-stop-nagging-your-kids
https://afineparent.com/positive-parenting-faq/how-to-stop-nagging.html
October 25, 2021
6 Reasons Why Parents Should Stop Nagging
Nagging your children. Nit-picking at them. These all amount to the same thing – fault-finding and criticism. Here are 6 reasons why parents should stop nagging:
Proverbs 18:21, The Passion Translation, reminds us of the importance of our words: “Your words are so powerful that they will kill or give life”. The Word of God admonishes us to speak words of life, especially over and to our children.
It makes children feel incompetent. I love this quote from American author and stress expert Lori Lite: “Look for teaching moments instead of criticizing moments.”
It weakens the bond between parent and child because the child begins to tune out.
According to Melanie Greenberg, psychologist and parenting expert, “When parents go on and on, kids tune them out. Researchers have shown that the human brain can keep only four 'chunks' of information or unique ideas in short-term (active) memory at once. This amounts to about 30 seconds or one or two sentences of speaking.”
It emphasizes the negative.
It can lead to arguments rather than resolutions.
It is not a long-term solution.
Next week’s blog post will have suggestions as to how parents can stop or at least, limit nagging.
This blog post was based generally on the online article:
https://wehavekids.com/parenting/Why-Do-We-Nag-Our-Children-and-How-Do-We-Stop
October 18, 2021
Ensuring Your Children's Good Oral Health
As the holiday season approaches and our eating of sweets increases, it is important for parents to ensure that their children have good oral health. What are you doing to encourage your children to keep good care of their teeth?
I wrote a blog a few years ago titled Make Certain That Your Children Receive Proper Oral Health Care from an Early Age , which cited to an online article stating that up to 40% of children may have tooth decay before they enter kindergarten. That is a surprising statistic!
In a recent article on the website www.healthychildren.org, more information is provided to help parents teach their children how to correctly brush their teeth and to make it a routine. Some recommendations are:
Start early - It is important to start a routine of brushing teeth, even if your children are young and don’t have any. Go through the motions. Have them join you when you are brushing your teeth.
Brush often – It is best to brush after every meal so if you start having your children brush frequently, they will develop that habit at an early age.
Sing songs – Make it fun for your children by singing songs and keep them engaged for 2 minutes as they brush their teeth.
Check it out – Be sure to monitor how they are brushing their teeth and check to make sure.
Appeal to taste – Have your children select their own toothbrushes and toothpaste, as long as the toothpaste has fluoride.
Hands off – When your children are ready to use their own brushes by themselves, let them but again be sure to check to ensure that they are brushing their teeth properly.
Go where no child has gone before – Be sure that they are getting the teeth that are located in the hard to see and reach areas of their mouths.
That website has many other excellent articles so please take the time to visit it and read the recommendations. It will be time well spent.
For more information, please visit: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/healthy-living/oral-health/Pages/let-the-brushing-games-begin.aspx
October 11, 2021
Celebrate Hispanic Heritage Month
Header designed by New York & New Jersey Minority Supplier Development Council
What do you know about National Hispanic Heritage Month? There is so much that you can learn and be sure to also include your children in this learning process.
September 15 to October 15 is the month set aside specifically to celebrate the history, cultures and contributions of Hispanic people in the United States. It started out as a week-long celebration under President Lyndon Johnson in 1968 and expanded in 1988 to one full month when the celebration became a law under President Ronald Reagan. The day of September 15 was selected as the start of the celebration as many countries in Central America celebrate it as the anniversary of their independence. Other South American countries celebrate anniversaries of their independence within that month long period.
At the website https://www.hispanicheritagemonth.gov/ much information is provided, including exhibits, collections, and audio and video links. There is also a web page with information for teachers with links to lesson plans, learning labs, teachings from the National Park Service about historical places, and much more information for children beginning at PreK.
Other websites also have fun activities specifically for children geared at teaching about Hispanic culture and history. Please see the links below. These activities range from recipes, to music, dance, books, coloring pages, and kid-friendly art projects.
For more information, please visit:
https://www.hispanicheritagemonth.gov/
https://www.modernmami.com/hispanic-heritage-month-activities-for-kids/
October 4, 2021
Nature is Calling Families!
I love this short poem from Nicolette Sowder who promotes nature-connected parenting. Nature is truly calling families to get outdoors and enjoy and appreciate her beauty and interact with all that there is.
Walking together in nature as a family is a wonderful, bonding activity. Is there a park in your community or a field? Perhaps you may have to drive a distance. No matter how small the green area is, it will serve the purpose.
When in nature, take your time. Look at all there is from the sky down to the earth and when available, even below the earth. Talk to your children about what you see and what they see. Soak the beauty in. And breathe!
Children will be amazed as they walk, as they always walk in wonder and awe, as this poem says. Allow your children to revel in the awe that nature brings.
Again, there should be no rush. You are spending very important quality time with your family and building precious memories that your children will always remember.
At Mrs. Sowder’s website, https://wilderchild.com/, she provides a lot of recommendations for parents on ways to incorporate nature into your family’s schedule and to encourage children to spend more time outside. She also includes her own blog with helpful articles such as 6 Ways to Get Your Kids Outside (When They Don’t Want To Go) and 5 Things I Don’t Say To My Daughter When We’re Out in Nature. I think you will truly enjoy her website.
September 27, 2021
Startling Facts About the Rise of Obesity Among Children
Unfortunately, the rate of obesity among our children continues to rise, especially during the pandemic. The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has continued to warn Americans that “childhood obesity is a serious problem in the United States, putting children and adolescents at risk for poor health. Obesity prevalence among children and adolescents is still too high.” Now, a recent article in The Washington Post titled Obesity Among Children Ages 5-11 Rises During the Pandemic cites to a new study to confirm the growing rate of overweight children.
The article refers to a study in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) of 200,000 children ages 5-17 in southern California during the covid 19 pandemic. It found that children ages 5-11 gained an average of 5 pounds. According to the study, “before the pandemic, about 36 percent of 5- to 11-year-olds were considered overweight or obese, and that increased to 45.7 percent.”
Interviewed for the article was Barry Popkin, an obesity researcher at the School of Public Health at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He said that the major causes for this rise were the following: “Kids in school had to be in front of computers, and there were lockdowns that kept people inside. But the bigger increase was the increased purchase of ready-to-eat junk food, foods high in calories, saturated fat and added sugars. The sale of these went up more than any other category.”
What can parents do? Deborah Young, one of the study’s authors, suggested that we should have plans “that encourage kids to be active, that keep the parks open and that encourage the intake of appropriate and healthful foods.” The same applies to times that do not involve a pandemic. The CDC has a website page with links filled with suggestions and tips for parents, including recommended physical activity, ChooseMyPlate website that has information about developing healthy eating habits, and many ways to establish healthy practices. All the links are provided below.
To learn more, please visit:
https://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/childhood.html
September 20, 2021
Discuss With Your Children About the United Nations 2021 International Day of Peace & Its Theme
The International Day of Peace is celebrated annually on September 21. It was established in 1981 by a unanimous resolution of the United Nations General Assembly. According to its website, the International Day of Peace is a “shared date for all humanity to commit to Peace above all differences and to contribute to building a Culture of Peace.” In 2001, the General Assembly voted to have this day designated as 24-hours of nonviolence and ceasefire throughout the world. It is important for children to learn about peace initiatives, as I wrote in a previous blog titled Teaching Our Children About Peace.
The theme this year is “Recovering Better for a Sustainable and Equitable World”. The website sets forth why this theme was selected:
The pandemic has been accompanied by a surge in stigma, discrimination, and hatred, which only cost more lives instead of saving them: the virus attacks all without caring about where we are from or what we believe in. Confronting this common enemy of humankind, we must be reminded that we are not each other’s enemy. To be able to recover from the devastation of the pandemic, we must make peace with one another.
And we must make peace with nature. Despite the travel restrictions and economic shutdowns, climate change is not on pause. What we need is a green and sustainable global economy that produces jobs, reduces emissions, and builds resilience to climate impacts.
We invite you to join the efforts of the United Nations family as we focus on recovering better for a more equitable and peaceful world. Celebrate peace by standing up against acts of hate online and offline, and by spreading compassion, kindness, and hope in the face of the pandemic, and as we recover.
There are many suggested activities for children and youth, and I have provided links below. Please take this opportunity to discuss with your children about the importance of peace initiatives and have them learn what is being done locally and internationally to promote peace.
For more information, please visit:
https://internationaldayofpeace.org/
September 13, 2021
4 Reasons Why Saying “No” to Your children Actually Benefits Them
Why is it often so difficult for parents to say “no” as an answer or response to their children? Frequently, parents do not want to disappoint their children and say “yes” too readily. Here are some suggestions as to why parents should be saying “no” more often and establishing boundaries:
Realize that children need to feel some discomfort. As they grow up and then enter the adult world, they will not be told “yes” as much as they would like. Learning from young will help them adjust more readily.
Children need to learn all about patience and waiting. There is an appropriate or proper time, but it will not always be when they want it to be. For example, if we allow them to stay up late on a school night playing video games, they will develop a feeling of being entitled to have what they want whenever they want it or do whatever they want to do whenever they want to.
Children feel more secure when they have boundaries. Instead of constantly negotiating with your children or giving continual reasons as to why you are saying “no”, take a stand and say “no” but, importantly, be prepared to be firm in your decision. Understand that children will push the boundaries as much as they can, and it is up to the parents to stand and keep on standing. If your children continue to argue or negotiate or raise their voice, just tell them that you will not discuss the matter any further and turn and walk away. The discussion has ended. Yelling at your children will not accomplish what you desire.
Children should understand that their parents are in charge and are not their friends. Too often, parents want to be their children’s friends and allow their children to have their way. A parent cannot simultaneously be a friend and parent. Children need direction and that comes from their parents.
For more information, please visit:
September 6, 2021
Teach Your Children About Labor Day
On September 6, we celebrate the national holiday known as Labor Day. In addition to the usual family-fun time, please set aside some time to help your children understand why it was established and its significance through many different activities that are available for their age group.
I wrote a previous blog post that is very informative and which you will enjoy reading - How Did Labor Day Start? It provides some historical background of the holiday, emphasizing the fact that it commemorates the Labor Movement of the 19th century that sought to end the poor and unfair treatment of American workers.
There are a variety of activities online for children to learn more about this important day, from arts, crafts and worksheets to books and videos. I post some links below to assist parents. Please be sure to select age-appropriate activities.
Please visit the following links for learning activities for children:
https://kidskonnect.com/holidays-seasons/labor-day/
Video link to PBS Learning Media – Labor Day – PBS Kids:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KY_L8--kNB0
Read Aloud Books:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0ZBjHhmNjo
August 30, 2021
Reading Helps To Reduce Stress In Children
Reading is an important way to reduce stress in children, whether they read books themselves or are read to by someone else. A study conducted by MindLab International at the University of Sussex in England found that reading just 6 minutes can reduce stress up to 68% and works faster than other relaxation techniques such as listening to music or walking. Researchers have found that when you read, your mind is distracted and the tension in your muscles and the heart eases and stress levels reduce.
What can cause stress in children? A huge culprit is uncertainty. Whether in their living environment at home or at school, and with the Covid 19 pandemic still fresh in our memories, children can feel a lack of safety and security. They may listen to the news when they are with a parent, and there is a lot of negative news that focuses on the instability in the world today. Another cause for stress is change. Perhaps there has been a recent illness or death in the family. Busy schedules, peer pressure, and a lack of sleep are all added stressors.
When children read or are read to, their minds are distracted from their situations, just like adults. They focus on the details of the story, not on what is happening in their lives. It stirs their imagination and creativity. A good book can be a source of joy and laughter too. Also, when they read with people whom they love and trust, they feel safe as they are in a secure environment.
Set aside time each day to read with your children. Create a cozy place for them to read and have plenty of books for them to read on their own as well. This will get them away from playing video games all day long and reduce their stress levels through more positive ways.
For more information, please visit:
