Amy Neftzger's Blog, page 5

A Girl and Her Gargoyle on Broadway

As many of you already know, Newton and I are in New York for Book Expo America where we will be signing books later today.However, last night we went to see All The Way, a well written and beautifully acted play about LBJ as he attempts to both pass the Civil Right Act of 1964 and seek re-election. I won't give away the story line because I'd rather encourage all of you to go see the play for yourselves if you happen to be in New York. It's a great story about a significant time in American history. Yes, the play is three hours long, but it is so well done that you won't even notice the time go by. It is that good.

Afterwards Newton and I met Bryan Cranston and he was gracious enough to pause for a photo with us. In fact, he was gracious with everyone who wanted to speak with him no matter how bizarre the request (and taking a picture with a gargoyle was probably not the strangest thing he's been asked to do).  Bryan had done two shows that day and still took time to speak with everyone who wanted to meet him. I respected Bryan Cranston for his talent as an actor before I saw the Broadway show. Now I respect him for his character, as well.

If Godzilla Came to Dinner

I saw Godzilla in IMAX this weekend. After I left the theater I thought: What if Godzilla came to dinner at my house? How cool would that be? IN order to make my guest feel more at home, here's a list of things I would do for him:

1. I would make a nice garlic and butter sauce for him to pour over Mothra’s head before eating him.

2. I’d also let him text at the table because it’s rude and dangerous to argue with Godzilla (Are his arms long enough to use a smartphone and see what he’s typing? If not, I’d help him because that’s what friends with long arms are for).

3. I’d laugh at his jokes, even if I don’t understand lizard language.

4. I’d let him breathe fire on the grill to light it so that he can impress everyone else at the party. (“Oh, that’s my friend Godzilla. He doesn’t need matches.”)

5. I wouldn’t make him floss, even if giant bug parts are stuck in his teeth.

6. I’d compliment him on his scales and remark that he looks like he practically just hatched.

7. I’d serve him saltwater as well as fresh, since he lives in the ocean and might prefer the salt water but want to experiment with drinking the fresh stuff.

8. He could drink as much whiskey as he wants before dinner and challenge any of the other guests to fire breathing contests (if that’s what giant lizards do for fun).

9. Most of all, I’d let him eat any obnoxious dinner guests. That would give us something to talk about while Godzilla is digesting the windbag who was monopolizing the conversation. I’d also give him a nice red wine to wash the jerk down, also.


The one thing I wouldn't do is fix him up with a giant female lizard. Those blind date things never work out, regardless of species, and I wouldn't want Godzilla to feel awkward while he was killing his dinner.

Where Do You Get Your Ideas From?

"Where do you get your ideas from?" has to be one of the most common questions I’m asked. I also suspect that many other writers and artists get asked this question or something similar.

First of all, it may be useful to consider that those of us who are creative individuals are not linear thinkers. The truth is, that we have a swimming pool of ideas and there are a lot of things floating around in our brains. Research has shown that creative types tend to make connections that the general population doesn’t see because the average person files information into rigid categories.

My guess (and I can’t say for sure, because I’m not the person who asks this question) is that some people believe there’s a formula for creativity. However, when things become formulaic they tend to be more predictable and therefore less creative. So showing a diagram that explains X leads to Y leads to Z means that the idea was logical in origin and not creative. I think this is why creative individuals have a difficult time answering the question. If there's a formula or rule for creativity, it's that you need to break formulas and rules in order to come up with something that's not predictable.

Sure, there are times when I can say that I read a book or saw a painting that started an idea germinating in my mind. But then that seed grows and there are so many other things fertilizing that idea and some of the fertilizer is decades old. It makes it difficult to specifically state the source.

So if you want to know where my ideas come from, here’s a list of what’s swimming in the pool of my mind from which I draw:

Life
Literature (I read a lot and always have)
People (both personal interactions as well as generic people watching )
Art (paintings, photography, dance, music, etc.)

There are many mothers of invention. In fact, my brain is like the Room of Requirement in the Harry Potter books. I’m not usually short on ideas - just on time to develop them.

The Four Seasons of Nashville

Disclaimer:
Those of you looking for information about the TV show - stop reading now. Anyone else interested in the basics of Nashville weather may continue onward.


When I first moved to Nashville people told me that Nashville had four seasons, but that Spring and Fall were much longer than other areas of the country. After living here for more than two decades I’d like to clear up a few things.

First of all, Nashville does have four seasons, but they’re not the traditional ones that I remember from my childhood in Chicago. I’ve redefined these for people who are planning to visit (or move to) the area. It’s important to prepare your wardrobe and expectations accordingly. The four seasons of Nashville are as follows:

Season 1
Tourist season. This is the longest and also the time of year that locals avoid certain areas of town. It’s roughly equivalent to what some people refer to as “Summer” and may also be referred to as “hotter than @#$%@!.”

Season 2
Autumn is the season when the trees drop their leaves, despite the temperature still being “pretty @#$^# hot!”

Season 3
Nashville has a season I like to refer to as “colder with occasional glimpses of winter.” Being raised in the North, it’s difficult to take this attempt at winter seriously, but I do my best to keep a straight face when people refer to it in that manner.

Season 4
Allergy season. This is when the trees bud and flowers bloom, and people who didn’t have allergies before coming to Nashville develop them.


A final bit of advice:
Remember that if you’re in Nashville when the weather forecast includes snow or flooding, it’s a local ritual to run out to the store and buy up all the milk, toilet paper, bread, and alcohol. The people of Nashville take this ritual very seriously. If you don’t follow the protocol it’s akin to breaking a mirror or something along those lines. I don’t know what bad things happen if you don’t follow the custom, but it must be pretty serious if the whole town engages in these behaviors. So why take a risk?

My Annual Performance Review

This morning on our daily walk my dog informed me that she had completed my annual performance review. I thought I’d share the results so that other dog owners might know what to expect when it’s time for their annual review.

First of all, I was told the the number of slices of bacon making it all the way to the floor had declined from previous years. This was deemed as both “unacceptable” and “needing improvement.”

Secondly, she cited the numerous times I have asked her to go to the bathroom outside when it was raining. I was told that if I needed to urinate in the rain that I should do it myself instead of relying upon others to do my job for me.

Thirdly (and she added “while we’re already on the subject”), the fact that I close the door while urinating makes it appear as if I have a secret process that I’m unwilling to share with others. I was asked to do my business out in the open instead of acting like I had a trade secret.

She also mentioned that while my stomach rubbing technique is “sufficient in ability” on those rare occasions that I actually do my job it is also “lacking in the required level of frequency.” It was explained to me that doing one's job well is still not doing your job if you're not doing it often enough.

Finally, she advised me to stop picking up her poop when we go out on walks because she spent a lot of time choosing the right spot and she “put it there for a reason.” I was accused of undoing her entire days work by cleaning up after her.

I'm currently on a performance improvement plan. Whether you choose to change your behavior or not, I thought the rest of you dog owners might want to know the sorts of things you’ll be rated upon.

Peeps, Why Can't We All Just Get Along?

Many of you are aware of the Easter uprising that occurred yesterday at my house. If you have the stomach for it, you may review the graphic images that accompany this post.




My family and I would like to express our sympathy to the family members and friends of the peeps that were brutally murdered and/or toasted during yesterday’s Easter celebration. We are deeply mourned at the chicks’ militant brutality, and while we don’t condone the chick’s behavior we can understand the circumstances that caused it. We are working with representatives on both sides of the issue to resolve the situation.

After the events shown here, we discovered that the bunnies had been taunting and terrorizing the chicks even before they were purchased and brought into the household. Therefore, the problem predates my household’s involvement with both groups. Back when they were both side by side in the store bunnies insisted that they were superior to the chicks because A) they were the “newer and therefore hipper and trendier form of the Peep” and that B) The bunnies more closely resemble the spirit of Easter because they look like the Easter Bunny himself.

Unbeknownst to household management, the bunnies had been lighting bags of jelly beans on fire outside of the chicks’ cartons and leaving chocolate graffiti with phrases such as, “Your momma was an egg.”

Our official position on the matter is that neither bunnies nor chicks are preferable Easter treats. Both are delicious and household management will make sure to consume them in equal portions in the future. There is no excuse for taunting others with chocolate or for tying anyone up with licorice and publicly toasting them on a stack of pretzel sticks. Furthermore, this sort of unruly behavior will not be tolerated in the pantry or elsewhere in the house. Bunnies or chicks who engage in these types of hostile actions will have their heads bitten off and fed to the dog.

Lastly, while we did consume the murdered bunnies and even dipped the charred bodies in chocolate fondue before eating them, this in no way should be viewed as an endorsement of the chicks’ actions.  Our sympathy goes out to the manufacturer of Peeps who is certainly in mourning over these events. Since corporations are people, too, we can only assume that the company is shedding tears of colored sugar over this event as they count their profits from the holiday.

Book Blogger Hop

 I don't do a lot of blog hops and I don't write exclusively about books on my blog. However, I do love visiting book blogs to see what people are reading and find out about new/upcoming releases.

So, today I welcome to Book Blogger Hop (hosted by Coffee Addicted Writer). Each week of the blog hop there will be a new topic submitted by a blogger and everyone can join in with their answers.

This Week's Topic/Question:What are some of your favorite book blogs? (submitted by Jack) There are a number of blogs I like to visit, and many of them cover different types of books. Picking a favorite blog is like picking a favorite child - I follow different blogs for different reasons and enjoy them all.  However, here are three that I visit often:
One Chocolate Box
Bookhounds YA
Books, Biscuits, and Tea

Please feel free to leave a comment with a link to your blog and take the time to visit some of the other blogs listed in the comments. Thanks for visiting!

A Girl and Her Gargoyle - At Wicked

Last night I took Newton to see Wicked. I couldn’t take any photographs during the show, but the picture above is the curtain before the show opened. Newton kept trying to talk to the giant dragon over the stage, but she wouldn't have anything to do with him.

The show was awesome. I won’t spoil the plot for those of you who haven’t seen it , but I read the book when it came out several years ago and the musical follows the plot nicely. The stage sets and costumes were incredible, and the cast was outstanding. If you haven’t seen this musical you should make it a point to go.

We did have a few tense moments, though. Apparently Newton thought that Wicked was an all-you-can-eat buffet (most of you who follow my blog know that gargoyles protect from evil). He was ready to fly up to the stage and start chowing down, but he never detected any true evil and was hungry during the whole show. Stone stomachs are very loud when they rumble, FYI.

Almost as soon as he saw Elphaba, Newton fell in love with her because he could relate to being different and not looking like everyone else. Next time I’m buying Newton a ticket to sit in his own seat because every time Elphaba started to sing he got excited and started flapping his wings in my face.

Other than the frequent gargoyle-induced drafts, the play was a great experience.

The family Business - Part 2

Continuing my effort from yesterday, I've searched the Internet and come up with another strategy to enhance business meetings and applied it to the family dinner.

Strategy Two: Create a list of the top five reasons why people shouldn’t miss the meeting.

Applying this to dinner, I’ve come up with the list below. Note how I'm still attempting to make dinner time fun and exciting (per yesterday's strategy), especially for kids.  Here’s my top five list:

1. You need to eat and I, the almighty household dictator, control access to all the food. (Fridge is now padlocked, FYI.)

2. Your parents are going to be there - live and uncensored! You won't want to miss what they say next! Engage in exciting conversation with old people!

3. The food is free (… if you show upon time. Rates increase five minutes after the official start time).

4. You’ve run out of legitimate excuses to miss time with the family. Save your creativity for more important things.

5. Parents are experts at causing emotional distress that will last a lifetime. Kids, surrender now — while you still have a little sanity.

The Family Business

I attended a conference this past weekend and one of the guest speakers was a communications expert who gave people some coaching on how to have effective personal discussions on difficult topics. I recognized a number of the techniques as corporate communication skills used in diffusing potentially flammable situations.

So this got me thinking …

What if we applied more business management techniques to family life? Surely, if the communication skills transfer from business to personal situations, then other techniques should transfer, also. So, with this in mind, I’ve decided to give it a chance and attempt applying the same strategies used to make business meetings less boring to spice up the family dinner. There were several suggestions I found on the internet. Here’s he first one:

Strategy One: Set the tone before the meeting by making the agenda interesting, fun, and grabbing.

First of all, I never thought about having an agenda for dinner, but it seems like a brilliant idea to keep things on task. So here’s what I came up with:

1. Sit down at table. There will be one less chair than number of family members. When the music stops, sit down. Person without chair is “out” but will be allowed to watch the others eat.

2. Serve finger foods. This means that family members must pay for food with their fingers. How hungry are you?

3. Eat salad. Use a fork if you still have enough fingers to do so.

4. Main course. Smear your meat, vegetables, and potatoes into an imitation of a master work of art before eating. You may not eat until someone else at the table recognizes the work of art and names the original artist.

5. Molotov cocktails for dessert. Siblings may not bomb one another’s rooms unless the destruction is mutually agreed upon in advance.

I think I’ve made the agenda both fun AND interesting!