Helen H. Moore's Blog, page 874
February 4, 2016
Go ahead, watch them die: F**k those joyless moralists who hate football and the Super Bowl






Economics of an epidemic: These are the 4 states most dependent on the gun industry








American capitalism has failed us: We’re overworked, underemployed and more powerless than ever before






Just like “The Martian”: Scientists are trying to grow potatoes on “Mars”







Naomi Klein: “There are no non-radical options left before us”
February 3, 2016
“Hail, Caesar!”: The Coens’ hilarious yarn of ’50s Hollywood goes far beyond farce






Let’s stop talking to our kids: I know communication between parents and children is important, but can we also learn to occasionally shut up?
“Look at the traffic light,” I said to my 3-year-old daughter, Zelda, desperate for conversation, my voice hoarse from chatting. It was 8 a.m. but it had already been a long morning of cerebral gymnastics as I arranged every minute, meal and movement for a preschooler and a baby, while making sense of my hectic freelance working day ahead. And, serving oatmeal. Jon was an involved father, but I was the planner, always organizing, hovering above.
Which is why, normally, I loved my strolls to preschool with Zelda, when I was not distracted and could focus on her company. I enjoyed this window into her developing perspective, delighted by her surprising senses of wonder and humor. I’d felt absent from Zelda after an exhausting high-risk pregnancy with her little sister and a demanding work schedule. So I’d made sure to carve out this sacred time for us -- time to talk. Each morning, we pounded through New York’s honking, caffeinated streets, our whole environment an education, a chance for mutual enrichment.
But not today. Today I was talked out. We’d already discussed the foliage, seasons, how some people were short and others tall; we’d done the “whys” and gone through all the prohibitive signs along our path, including the no-liquor in the park. “Grown-ups,” Zelda had sighed.
“Green for go, yellow for slow, red means stop,” I now offered.
“Red means angry,” Zelda added.
“Yes,” I said. “And--.” Suddenly, I was stumped. We’d done emotions over breakfast.
“What about--” I drew a blank and panicked. I had nothing left to say.
In the past year Zelda had lost a cat and three great-relatives and gained a baby sister who usurped my attention. I’d been inundated with advice on how to talk to her -- about birth, death, sharing, separation, urination. Parents in my middle-class, fauxhemian milieu were always being encouraged to chat to show our awareness and concern; we were taught the lingo and tone to best discuss every single social interaction, from playground politics to sex. When our 3-year-old neighbor tantrumed about a sprinkle cookie, I watched her father lean down and repeat it would be so wonderful to eat a treat right now. “It’s important,” he told me afterward, “to acknowledge emotions and express empathy in the moment.” A colleague complained that her New Year’s fete had been screeched to a halt by a 5-year-old altercation; the adults grouped off to discuss hurt feelings with both parties before brokering a verbal reconciliation. My social media feed was recently overrun by a post that listed specific questions to ask your kid so she would open up and tell you about her day at school. I studied the queries (What was the funniest thing that happened today? Who did you want to sit next to?) as if I was training to be an investigative reporter.
Conversation kept our children alert, linguistically sharp, perhaps even entertained. I often overheard my fellow moms and dads loudly praising or instructing their toddlers – Good walking! I love you more than anyone! You really shouldn’t be eating dried fruit because it’s not ideal for oral hygiene! Hemp milk, we drink only hemp milk! I can never help wondering whom these conversations are really being performed for.
Zelda’s preschool director once confided in me that sometimes, at drop-off, she heard a parent offer 12 different directives just as the child walked down the stairs to their class. “I’m afraid they’ll fall over! Kids don’t even listen after two or three words.” When I asked her why parents engaged in these running monologues, literally praising or critiquing each step, she right away answered that we levied constant verbal attention because we didn’t trust that our children could succeed without us. “With so many conflicting parenting philosophies readily available, parents can feel insecure. No one knows what to do. Google was never a parent.” I thought of my own upbringing, how I’d been trained to be a cultural critic rather than a diaper-changer. I applied those academic skills to my mothering, nervous about the more physical, instinctive actions required of a parent. Those of us who worked feel a particular pressure to engage in the “talking cure,” as if our utterances helped concretize and maximize these fleeting moments with our ever-evolving kids.
But amid all these conversational and cultural tips, no one offered advice on one of the most basic things of all: how to be silent.
My Jewish background, with its excess of festivals and calories, didn’t help. We didn’t have Buddhist meditation, Hindu yoga, Sufist wordless worship, Christian monk muteness or Quaker silent services. I was from a people known for babble and volume, complementing our culture’s constantly loud media barrage. I had no rituals for stillness. Silence scared me.
The leaves crunched under our feet, crackling, cackling. Quiet was always a bad sign with my own mother.
Born on my Jewish grandmother Zelda’s flight from the Nazis, Mom was a depressed hoarder. I’d spent my childhood feeling physically and emotionally blocked from her by her piles of newspapers and laundry bins. She left for her government job before I woke up in the morning and was asleep on the couch when I came home – which was a relief. She was prone to mood swings, exploding at random utterances. I’d learned to associate her hush with bottomless sadness or her buried anger about to erupt. When she was awake and quiet, I felt nervous. I didn’t know where she was inside, or what would emerge.
But in those rare moments when she was energized and chatty, asking about my teachers or unpacking for me the double entendres in Gilbert and Sullivan lyrics, my stomach unclenched. Words, at least, showed me where things stood. Conversation guaranteed connection, an acknowledgment of presence, a check-in about mood. When I eagerly left home at 19, we developed a new relationship by phone, the distance beneficial. Our newfound connection was verbal and I hinged onto every syllable, my lingual link to love.
Now I urgently scanned our surroundings, wishing for a similar connection, something to break the silence with my own daughter. “What color is the bakery awning?”
“That’s not a bakery, Mom. That’s McDonald's.”
“Yes, but it’s a special—“
We got to an intersection and I grabbed Zelda’s hand. I squeezed. “Ouch, Mommy.” I suddenly remembered how it was my Bubbie Zelda who walked me home from school each day. She raised me, cooked for me, shepherded me to ballet and drama and judo class. Montreal was freezing in the winter, and as we walked, I’d slip my hand into Bubbie’s pocket, or slide my fingers into her leather gloves, our digits melding. At school I’d been embarrassed by hunchbacked Bubbie who arrived howling in Yiddish, donning her babushka headscarf and flinging plastic bags of fresh vegetables and brisket. I’d walked ahead of her, pretending to myself I was heading to our Jaguar, which just happened to be parked far away. But the more we trudged eastward, the more I would step into pace with Bubbie and slip into a different genre of narrative, a historical one, imagining I was foraging through a Siberian work camp or sneaking across the frozen Vistula or something else she might have done during the war.
“What, Mommy?” Zelda prodded. “What about the special awning?”
“Oh, nothing.” We stepped onto the curb.
We let go.
Zelda scurried ahead. “Don’t step on the crocodile!” she called back.
“Huh?”
“The lines are crocodiles and the cigarettes are monsters, and the hoses are snakes and you have to step over them or they’ll eat you.”
All I’d seen was a sidewalk overcrowded with coffee vendors.
The truth was that, as with her namesake, Zelda and I are not fused. Silence marks our separation, but also, allows her to move forward, in her own way. Her imagination could grow in the space of my pauses.
So could our bond.
Now, it struck me, I could not recall a single conversation I’d ever had with Bubbie. But boy, did she love me.
Minutes later, we approached the school, where we arrived early -- super early -- of course, in reaction to my own mom’s perpetual lateness. But was rushing to show up before the doors opened any less stress-inducing? I noted my urge to fill these blank minutes with mindless chatter – Don’t forget your hat! Remember to drink your yogurt smoothie! – but I stopped myself. In the quiet hall, my phrases would have echoed, empty. Then again, I couldn’t just leave Zelda without a word. We parents are perched on the fulcrum of the generations, negotiating desires to reiterate and oppose. In overcompensating for my past, in trying not to fail my kids as my mom had failed me, I could so easily repeat similar mistakes. My stillness was not Mom’s quiet sadness. My words were not my daughter’s lifeline. I had to figure out my own way.
So I said, “I love you,” and punctuated it with a kiss.
“Too wet, Mommy,” Zelda replied, then scampered off to her class, leaving me in silence.
“Look at the traffic light,” I said to my 3-year-old daughter, Zelda, desperate for conversation, my voice hoarse from chatting. It was 8 a.m. but it had already been a long morning of cerebral gymnastics as I arranged every minute, meal and movement for a preschooler and a baby, while making sense of my hectic freelance working day ahead. And, serving oatmeal. Jon was an involved father, but I was the planner, always organizing, hovering above.
Which is why, normally, I loved my strolls to preschool with Zelda, when I was not distracted and could focus on her company. I enjoyed this window into her developing perspective, delighted by her surprising senses of wonder and humor. I’d felt absent from Zelda after an exhausting high-risk pregnancy with her little sister and a demanding work schedule. So I’d made sure to carve out this sacred time for us -- time to talk. Each morning, we pounded through New York’s honking, caffeinated streets, our whole environment an education, a chance for mutual enrichment.
But not today. Today I was talked out. We’d already discussed the foliage, seasons, how some people were short and others tall; we’d done the “whys” and gone through all the prohibitive signs along our path, including the no-liquor in the park. “Grown-ups,” Zelda had sighed.
“Green for go, yellow for slow, red means stop,” I now offered.
“Red means angry,” Zelda added.
“Yes,” I said. “And--.” Suddenly, I was stumped. We’d done emotions over breakfast.
“What about--” I drew a blank and panicked. I had nothing left to say.
In the past year Zelda had lost a cat and three great-relatives and gained a baby sister who usurped my attention. I’d been inundated with advice on how to talk to her -- about birth, death, sharing, separation, urination. Parents in my middle-class, fauxhemian milieu were always being encouraged to chat to show our awareness and concern; we were taught the lingo and tone to best discuss every single social interaction, from playground politics to sex. When our 3-year-old neighbor tantrumed about a sprinkle cookie, I watched her father lean down and repeat it would be so wonderful to eat a treat right now. “It’s important,” he told me afterward, “to acknowledge emotions and express empathy in the moment.” A colleague complained that her New Year’s fete had been screeched to a halt by a 5-year-old altercation; the adults grouped off to discuss hurt feelings with both parties before brokering a verbal reconciliation. My social media feed was recently overrun by a post that listed specific questions to ask your kid so she would open up and tell you about her day at school. I studied the queries (What was the funniest thing that happened today? Who did you want to sit next to?) as if I was training to be an investigative reporter.
Conversation kept our children alert, linguistically sharp, perhaps even entertained. I often overheard my fellow moms and dads loudly praising or instructing their toddlers – Good walking! I love you more than anyone! You really shouldn’t be eating dried fruit because it’s not ideal for oral hygiene! Hemp milk, we drink only hemp milk! I can never help wondering whom these conversations are really being performed for.
Zelda’s preschool director once confided in me that sometimes, at drop-off, she heard a parent offer 12 different directives just as the child walked down the stairs to their class. “I’m afraid they’ll fall over! Kids don’t even listen after two or three words.” When I asked her why parents engaged in these running monologues, literally praising or critiquing each step, she right away answered that we levied constant verbal attention because we didn’t trust that our children could succeed without us. “With so many conflicting parenting philosophies readily available, parents can feel insecure. No one knows what to do. Google was never a parent.” I thought of my own upbringing, how I’d been trained to be a cultural critic rather than a diaper-changer. I applied those academic skills to my mothering, nervous about the more physical, instinctive actions required of a parent. Those of us who worked feel a particular pressure to engage in the “talking cure,” as if our utterances helped concretize and maximize these fleeting moments with our ever-evolving kids.
But amid all these conversational and cultural tips, no one offered advice on one of the most basic things of all: how to be silent.
My Jewish background, with its excess of festivals and calories, didn’t help. We didn’t have Buddhist meditation, Hindu yoga, Sufist wordless worship, Christian monk muteness or Quaker silent services. I was from a people known for babble and volume, complementing our culture’s constantly loud media barrage. I had no rituals for stillness. Silence scared me.
The leaves crunched under our feet, crackling, cackling. Quiet was always a bad sign with my own mother.
Born on my Jewish grandmother Zelda’s flight from the Nazis, Mom was a depressed hoarder. I’d spent my childhood feeling physically and emotionally blocked from her by her piles of newspapers and laundry bins. She left for her government job before I woke up in the morning and was asleep on the couch when I came home – which was a relief. She was prone to mood swings, exploding at random utterances. I’d learned to associate her hush with bottomless sadness or her buried anger about to erupt. When she was awake and quiet, I felt nervous. I didn’t know where she was inside, or what would emerge.
But in those rare moments when she was energized and chatty, asking about my teachers or unpacking for me the double entendres in Gilbert and Sullivan lyrics, my stomach unclenched. Words, at least, showed me where things stood. Conversation guaranteed connection, an acknowledgment of presence, a check-in about mood. When I eagerly left home at 19, we developed a new relationship by phone, the distance beneficial. Our newfound connection was verbal and I hinged onto every syllable, my lingual link to love.
Now I urgently scanned our surroundings, wishing for a similar connection, something to break the silence with my own daughter. “What color is the bakery awning?”
“That’s not a bakery, Mom. That’s McDonald's.”
“Yes, but it’s a special—“
We got to an intersection and I grabbed Zelda’s hand. I squeezed. “Ouch, Mommy.” I suddenly remembered how it was my Bubbie Zelda who walked me home from school each day. She raised me, cooked for me, shepherded me to ballet and drama and judo class. Montreal was freezing in the winter, and as we walked, I’d slip my hand into Bubbie’s pocket, or slide my fingers into her leather gloves, our digits melding. At school I’d been embarrassed by hunchbacked Bubbie who arrived howling in Yiddish, donning her babushka headscarf and flinging plastic bags of fresh vegetables and brisket. I’d walked ahead of her, pretending to myself I was heading to our Jaguar, which just happened to be parked far away. But the more we trudged eastward, the more I would step into pace with Bubbie and slip into a different genre of narrative, a historical one, imagining I was foraging through a Siberian work camp or sneaking across the frozen Vistula or something else she might have done during the war.
“What, Mommy?” Zelda prodded. “What about the special awning?”
“Oh, nothing.” We stepped onto the curb.
We let go.
Zelda scurried ahead. “Don’t step on the crocodile!” she called back.
“Huh?”
“The lines are crocodiles and the cigarettes are monsters, and the hoses are snakes and you have to step over them or they’ll eat you.”
All I’d seen was a sidewalk overcrowded with coffee vendors.
The truth was that, as with her namesake, Zelda and I are not fused. Silence marks our separation, but also, allows her to move forward, in her own way. Her imagination could grow in the space of my pauses.
So could our bond.
Now, it struck me, I could not recall a single conversation I’d ever had with Bubbie. But boy, did she love me.
Minutes later, we approached the school, where we arrived early -- super early -- of course, in reaction to my own mom’s perpetual lateness. But was rushing to show up before the doors opened any less stress-inducing? I noted my urge to fill these blank minutes with mindless chatter – Don’t forget your hat! Remember to drink your yogurt smoothie! – but I stopped myself. In the quiet hall, my phrases would have echoed, empty. Then again, I couldn’t just leave Zelda without a word. We parents are perched on the fulcrum of the generations, negotiating desires to reiterate and oppose. In overcompensating for my past, in trying not to fail my kids as my mom had failed me, I could so easily repeat similar mistakes. My stillness was not Mom’s quiet sadness. My words were not my daughter’s lifeline. I had to figure out my own way.
So I said, “I love you,” and punctuated it with a kiss.
“Too wet, Mommy,” Zelda replied, then scampered off to her class, leaving me in silence.






No, white people, you still can’t say the N-word: That word belongs to black people and our culture now — not yours
***
My Apple dictionary app defines n***er as an offensive noun, a contemptuous term for a black or dark-skinned person. The usage portion goes on to explain that the word was used as an adjective denoting a black person as early as the 17th century and has long had strong offensive connotations. Today it remains one of the most racially offensive words in the language. Also referred to as "the N-word," it is sometimes used by black people in reference to other black people in a jocular or disparaging manner, or some variant in between. Apple is only semi-right — primarily because the offense is based solely on who’s talking.***
Way back when I was 6, my cousin Kevin was the best 9-year-old — to me — to ever wrap stubby fingers around a bat. He was greater than great, a lefty who slapped any and every type of pitch out of Ellwood Park. When purposely walked, Kevin had that Deion Sanders speed, quick enough to steal every base and slide home. Those skills earned Kevin a slot on teams all over the city. Often, I’d tag along. On one of those bright days, Kev taking care of business as usual — he slapped a few homers and snagged a few fly balls. Midway through the game, the pitcher beelined Kev with the ball, allowing him to walk to first. He stole second and third and then tried to gun for home plate. The catcher waved his mitt in Kev’s direction as he slid over the base. The umpire called out in what easily could’ve been a debatable call. Kevin and the back catcher exchanged words as he headed for the bench. The back catcher yelled, “This n***er is always cheating!” Kevin snapped, spun around and tackled the catcher. From there he lunged a knee on the kid's torso, and whaled on his face until his mask popped off. It took two adults to pull him off. “You’ll never play in this league again!” a coach or parent yelled as we excited the park. “Yo, you good?” I asked, “You went crazy on that fat boy!” Kev, who called me his “favorite lil n***a” almost every day, stopped with intense eyes, a vein throbbed and parted his forehead into quadrants. “D, listen!” he squeezed my small shoulders. “If a white person ever call you a n***er, you better beat their ass, or I will beat your ass!” From that day on, I knew n***er, n***a, n*g, or any of other variation of the term belonged to black people. As years passed, I gave the same speech to my younger siblings, little cousins and all of their friends. The flip side is that we never really had to apply the rule. See, we’re from east Baltimore and never really interacted with whites other than some school teachers and housing police. The teachers never called us n***er, and we couldn’t whip the white officers who used the word, because they had guns, coupled with a license to kill.***
College taught me that the word was originally a 15th-16th century Spanish-Portuguese word meaning black. By the 1800s the term had became a permanent fixture in American language. African slaves and free blacks alike were n***ers — bottom feeders, subhuman, the lowest of the low. Back then, similar to now, blacks were taught to praise whiteness — white religions and gods, white traditions, white ideals. Those who subscribed adapted the word, and thus it entered our language with the same derogatory meaning, before we redefined and branded it as a term of love, hate, unity, connection, betrayal or whatever else we wanted to use it for. As the term became more and more forbidden to whites, we branded it more and more as our own. But is this even true? Is it a word created by white people with the purpose of identifying and degrading blacks? Any student of history or American culture knows our nation’s lust for controlling narratives and pushing perspectives that promote and glorify whiteness. I never questioned what I learned in school about the origin of the word until I stumbled across a YouTube clip from 2007 of ESPN’s national spelling bee. Andrew Lay, a tiny “Home Alone” kid-looking sixth-grader from North Carolina approached the mic. The announcer challenged him to spell “negus.” Andrew swallowed his throat, and responded with a blank pause before requesting a repeat along with the definition and origin. Some people who look like they could be his parents gasp. “Ethiopian to Amharic,” the announcer said. “A king, it’s used as the title of the sovereign of Ethiopia.” Andrew froze, bit his lip and asked for a sentence. “The negus ruled Ethiopia until 1974.” Andrew requested the definition again, blinked and said, “N-e-g-u-s? Negus.” The crowd applauded, confirming his correctness. Andrew fist pumped like Kobe after a game winner while heading back to his seat.***
The same dictionary on my Mac defines "negus" as a ruler, or the supreme ruler of Ethiopia. The word’s origin dates back to the 14th century, far before n***er, which makes me question who created the word and if there is a connection between its African origin, the Portuguese version and the term that made it into the States. I never feel offended when a black person calls me n***a or ni***er (accent and pronunciation based on the region they represent); however, I’m beyond offended when white people use the word — kind of how a veteran would feel if you pissed on an American flag and disrespected the Pentagon, and rightfully so. The N-word is our word, it’s a term only to be used between African Americans — it’s a part of our established culture. There’s American culture, and then there are subcultures within American culture that need to be respected. I went to college with students from Asian cultures who told me that direct eye contact could be considered disrespectful. My grandma wanted you to take your hat off once you entered her home; many churches have the same rule. My writing teacher taught us that non-Jewish people calling Jewish people "Jews" could be offensive. I know Habesha families that require you to remove your shoes when you enter their place. The list goes on and on. The fact is that white people need to get over it. They have no need to use the N-word — they aren’t culturally connected to it in a positive way, and it does nothing to enhance their journey, experience or wellbeing. The ones who use the word or flirt with its existence, like the silly girls in the picture, simply want conflict. It’s not their word, so they want to control it––they want to cause a stir, offend or be a part of a culture that they can never fully understand. They use it as a trigger word and then run from it when people react in a negative way. The people who mentor or teach the girls in that stupid photo — and indeed, those who mentor or teach all non-black kids who want to play around with this word — need to do more than explain why their action was culturally insensitive. They need to teach them how rough it can be for women in this country and let them know that they may need their perspective considered one day, because one day they could easily end up on the wrong side of discrimination, too.A silly photo of six little ignorant high school girls went viral last month. They attend Desert Vista high school in Phoenix. It was picture day, and a group of seniors wore black shirts with individual gold letters that spelled out "BEST *YOU'VE *EVER* SEEN* CLASS* OF*2016,” when arranged. While shooting, the six students mentioned slid to the side and begin taking their own pictures. The letters on their shirts spelled out NI**ER. Someone posted the picture, shortly after — a media flurry followed, with testimonies from a diverse collection of offended and upset students. The image continued to circulate all over the world making it to me 30-plus times — three via text and the rest scattered on social media from various tweeters, ranging from rightfully infuriated black people to retweets from the cowardly troll accounts that champion racism.***
My Apple dictionary app defines n***er as an offensive noun, a contemptuous term for a black or dark-skinned person. The usage portion goes on to explain that the word was used as an adjective denoting a black person as early as the 17th century and has long had strong offensive connotations. Today it remains one of the most racially offensive words in the language. Also referred to as "the N-word," it is sometimes used by black people in reference to other black people in a jocular or disparaging manner, or some variant in between. Apple is only semi-right — primarily because the offense is based solely on who’s talking.***
Way back when I was 6, my cousin Kevin was the best 9-year-old — to me — to ever wrap stubby fingers around a bat. He was greater than great, a lefty who slapped any and every type of pitch out of Ellwood Park. When purposely walked, Kevin had that Deion Sanders speed, quick enough to steal every base and slide home. Those skills earned Kevin a slot on teams all over the city. Often, I’d tag along. On one of those bright days, Kev taking care of business as usual — he slapped a few homers and snagged a few fly balls. Midway through the game, the pitcher beelined Kev with the ball, allowing him to walk to first. He stole second and third and then tried to gun for home plate. The catcher waved his mitt in Kev’s direction as he slid over the base. The umpire called out in what easily could’ve been a debatable call. Kevin and the back catcher exchanged words as he headed for the bench. The back catcher yelled, “This n***er is always cheating!” Kevin snapped, spun around and tackled the catcher. From there he lunged a knee on the kid's torso, and whaled on his face until his mask popped off. It took two adults to pull him off. “You’ll never play in this league again!” a coach or parent yelled as we excited the park. “Yo, you good?” I asked, “You went crazy on that fat boy!” Kev, who called me his “favorite lil n***a” almost every day, stopped with intense eyes, a vein throbbed and parted his forehead into quadrants. “D, listen!” he squeezed my small shoulders. “If a white person ever call you a n***er, you better beat their ass, or I will beat your ass!” From that day on, I knew n***er, n***a, n*g, or any of other variation of the term belonged to black people. As years passed, I gave the same speech to my younger siblings, little cousins and all of their friends. The flip side is that we never really had to apply the rule. See, we’re from east Baltimore and never really interacted with whites other than some school teachers and housing police. The teachers never called us n***er, and we couldn’t whip the white officers who used the word, because they had guns, coupled with a license to kill.***
College taught me that the word was originally a 15th-16th century Spanish-Portuguese word meaning black. By the 1800s the term had became a permanent fixture in American language. African slaves and free blacks alike were n***ers — bottom feeders, subhuman, the lowest of the low. Back then, similar to now, blacks were taught to praise whiteness — white religions and gods, white traditions, white ideals. Those who subscribed adapted the word, and thus it entered our language with the same derogatory meaning, before we redefined and branded it as a term of love, hate, unity, connection, betrayal or whatever else we wanted to use it for. As the term became more and more forbidden to whites, we branded it more and more as our own. But is this even true? Is it a word created by white people with the purpose of identifying and degrading blacks? Any student of history or American culture knows our nation’s lust for controlling narratives and pushing perspectives that promote and glorify whiteness. I never questioned what I learned in school about the origin of the word until I stumbled across a YouTube clip from 2007 of ESPN’s national spelling bee. Andrew Lay, a tiny “Home Alone” kid-looking sixth-grader from North Carolina approached the mic. The announcer challenged him to spell “negus.” Andrew swallowed his throat, and responded with a blank pause before requesting a repeat along with the definition and origin. Some people who look like they could be his parents gasp. “Ethiopian to Amharic,” the announcer said. “A king, it’s used as the title of the sovereign of Ethiopia.” Andrew froze, bit his lip and asked for a sentence. “The negus ruled Ethiopia until 1974.” Andrew requested the definition again, blinked and said, “N-e-g-u-s? Negus.” The crowd applauded, confirming his correctness. Andrew fist pumped like Kobe after a game winner while heading back to his seat.***
The same dictionary on my Mac defines "negus" as a ruler, or the supreme ruler of Ethiopia. The word’s origin dates back to the 14th century, far before n***er, which makes me question who created the word and if there is a connection between its African origin, the Portuguese version and the term that made it into the States. I never feel offended when a black person calls me n***a or ni***er (accent and pronunciation based on the region they represent); however, I’m beyond offended when white people use the word — kind of how a veteran would feel if you pissed on an American flag and disrespected the Pentagon, and rightfully so. The N-word is our word, it’s a term only to be used between African Americans — it’s a part of our established culture. There’s American culture, and then there are subcultures within American culture that need to be respected. I went to college with students from Asian cultures who told me that direct eye contact could be considered disrespectful. My grandma wanted you to take your hat off once you entered her home; many churches have the same rule. My writing teacher taught us that non-Jewish people calling Jewish people "Jews" could be offensive. I know Habesha families that require you to remove your shoes when you enter their place. The list goes on and on. The fact is that white people need to get over it. They have no need to use the N-word — they aren’t culturally connected to it in a positive way, and it does nothing to enhance their journey, experience or wellbeing. The ones who use the word or flirt with its existence, like the silly girls in the picture, simply want conflict. It’s not their word, so they want to control it––they want to cause a stir, offend or be a part of a culture that they can never fully understand. They use it as a trigger word and then run from it when people react in a negative way. The people who mentor or teach the girls in that stupid photo — and indeed, those who mentor or teach all non-black kids who want to play around with this word — need to do more than explain why their action was culturally insensitive. They need to teach them how rough it can be for women in this country and let them know that they may need their perspective considered one day, because one day they could easily end up on the wrong side of discrimination, too.A silly photo of six little ignorant high school girls went viral last month. They attend Desert Vista high school in Phoenix. It was picture day, and a group of seniors wore black shirts with individual gold letters that spelled out "BEST *YOU'VE *EVER* SEEN* CLASS* OF*2016,” when arranged. While shooting, the six students mentioned slid to the side and begin taking their own pictures. The letters on their shirts spelled out NI**ER. Someone posted the picture, shortly after — a media flurry followed, with testimonies from a diverse collection of offended and upset students. The image continued to circulate all over the world making it to me 30-plus times — three via text and the rest scattered on social media from various tweeters, ranging from rightfully infuriated black people to retweets from the cowardly troll accounts that champion racism.***
My Apple dictionary app defines n***er as an offensive noun, a contemptuous term for a black or dark-skinned person. The usage portion goes on to explain that the word was used as an adjective denoting a black person as early as the 17th century and has long had strong offensive connotations. Today it remains one of the most racially offensive words in the language. Also referred to as "the N-word," it is sometimes used by black people in reference to other black people in a jocular or disparaging manner, or some variant in between. Apple is only semi-right — primarily because the offense is based solely on who’s talking.***
Way back when I was 6, my cousin Kevin was the best 9-year-old — to me — to ever wrap stubby fingers around a bat. He was greater than great, a lefty who slapped any and every type of pitch out of Ellwood Park. When purposely walked, Kevin had that Deion Sanders speed, quick enough to steal every base and slide home. Those skills earned Kevin a slot on teams all over the city. Often, I’d tag along. On one of those bright days, Kev taking care of business as usual — he slapped a few homers and snagged a few fly balls. Midway through the game, the pitcher beelined Kev with the ball, allowing him to walk to first. He stole second and third and then tried to gun for home plate. The catcher waved his mitt in Kev’s direction as he slid over the base. The umpire called out in what easily could’ve been a debatable call. Kevin and the back catcher exchanged words as he headed for the bench. The back catcher yelled, “This n***er is always cheating!” Kevin snapped, spun around and tackled the catcher. From there he lunged a knee on the kid's torso, and whaled on his face until his mask popped off. It took two adults to pull him off. “You’ll never play in this league again!” a coach or parent yelled as we excited the park. “Yo, you good?” I asked, “You went crazy on that fat boy!” Kev, who called me his “favorite lil n***a” almost every day, stopped with intense eyes, a vein throbbed and parted his forehead into quadrants. “D, listen!” he squeezed my small shoulders. “If a white person ever call you a n***er, you better beat their ass, or I will beat your ass!” From that day on, I knew n***er, n***a, n*g, or any of other variation of the term belonged to black people. As years passed, I gave the same speech to my younger siblings, little cousins and all of their friends. The flip side is that we never really had to apply the rule. See, we’re from east Baltimore and never really interacted with whites other than some school teachers and housing police. The teachers never called us n***er, and we couldn’t whip the white officers who used the word, because they had guns, coupled with a license to kill.***
College taught me that the word was originally a 15th-16th century Spanish-Portuguese word meaning black. By the 1800s the term had became a permanent fixture in American language. African slaves and free blacks alike were n***ers — bottom feeders, subhuman, the lowest of the low. Back then, similar to now, blacks were taught to praise whiteness — white religions and gods, white traditions, white ideals. Those who subscribed adapted the word, and thus it entered our language with the same derogatory meaning, before we redefined and branded it as a term of love, hate, unity, connection, betrayal or whatever else we wanted to use it for. As the term became more and more forbidden to whites, we branded it more and more as our own. But is this even true? Is it a word created by white people with the purpose of identifying and degrading blacks? Any student of history or American culture knows our nation’s lust for controlling narratives and pushing perspectives that promote and glorify whiteness. I never questioned what I learned in school about the origin of the word until I stumbled across a YouTube clip from 2007 of ESPN’s national spelling bee. Andrew Lay, a tiny “Home Alone” kid-looking sixth-grader from North Carolina approached the mic. The announcer challenged him to spell “negus.” Andrew swallowed his throat, and responded with a blank pause before requesting a repeat along with the definition and origin. Some people who look like they could be his parents gasp. “Ethiopian to Amharic,” the announcer said. “A king, it’s used as the title of the sovereign of Ethiopia.” Andrew froze, bit his lip and asked for a sentence. “The negus ruled Ethiopia until 1974.” Andrew requested the definition again, blinked and said, “N-e-g-u-s? Negus.” The crowd applauded, confirming his correctness. Andrew fist pumped like Kobe after a game winner while heading back to his seat.***
The same dictionary on my Mac defines "negus" as a ruler, or the supreme ruler of Ethiopia. The word’s origin dates back to the 14th century, far before n***er, which makes me question who created the word and if there is a connection between its African origin, the Portuguese version and the term that made it into the States. I never feel offended when a black person calls me n***a or ni***er (accent and pronunciation based on the region they represent); however, I’m beyond offended when white people use the word — kind of how a veteran would feel if you pissed on an American flag and disrespected the Pentagon, and rightfully so. The N-word is our word, it’s a term only to be used between African Americans — it’s a part of our established culture. There’s American culture, and then there are subcultures within American culture that need to be respected. I went to college with students from Asian cultures who told me that direct eye contact could be considered disrespectful. My grandma wanted you to take your hat off once you entered her home; many churches have the same rule. My writing teacher taught us that non-Jewish people calling Jewish people "Jews" could be offensive. I know Habesha families that require you to remove your shoes when you enter their place. The list goes on and on. The fact is that white people need to get over it. They have no need to use the N-word — they aren’t culturally connected to it in a positive way, and it does nothing to enhance their journey, experience or wellbeing. The ones who use the word or flirt with its existence, like the silly girls in the picture, simply want conflict. It’s not their word, so they want to control it––they want to cause a stir, offend or be a part of a culture that they can never fully understand. They use it as a trigger word and then run from it when people react in a negative way. The people who mentor or teach the girls in that stupid photo — and indeed, those who mentor or teach all non-black kids who want to play around with this word — need to do more than explain why their action was culturally insensitive. They need to teach them how rough it can be for women in this country and let them know that they may need their perspective considered one day, because one day they could easily end up on the wrong side of discrimination, too.





Why we’re still fascinated with the O.J. Simpson trial: “The basic centrality of race in America hasn’t changed”





