L.L. Kirchner's Blog, page 20
July 30, 2018
A story, wherein I break all the rules and it’s OK
I would advise storytellers against these tactics–props, using the word story, involving the audience–and yet I used them all. I have so many childhood stories that I’ve been mulling for my forthcoming memoir, I wanted to wrap my mind around something fresh. Nothing better for that than finding something that gets on your nerves.
So it was with Nature Valley, the granola bar people. I saw this ad just last week (although apparently it’s three years old), and was really tweaked by it. I mean, nothing says buy granola bars like fear of a dystopian future. Wait, that might be true… More to MY point, why do we keep making the same mistake of bemoaning the youth? How do we forget our own wasted years every time?
But, since ultimately it’s not about teaching something to a room full of people who are probably smarter than me–everyone will make of it what they will anyway–I confess my own wasted youth. No, it’s not another addiction story. Like I said, I wanted to do something fresh. I hope you enjoy. And if you’re moved, share your own wasted youth story with us over on the Facebook.
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June 27, 2018
Check out and try face yoga
At last! Here is a demo of my three favorite FACE yoga poses from the many I tried. Brilliant as my directions were, it’s much easier when you can watch. Here is the full article I wrote for Greatist, explaining my PRO aging stance, the history of face yoga, and why I’m into this. You’re welcome.
AS ALWAYS, hit me up on Facebook to share your experience, your favorite pose, or your questions. x
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June 26, 2018
Meditation, a ticket to paradise or purgatory?
For years, I labored under the assumption that if I wasn’t meditating a certain way, I was violating my parole. Ok, it was a self-inflicted parole, but it was a kind of exile. Then last year, Brown quietly released a study cataloguing the down sides of meditation. Yes! They exist! Check out my report on this study here, and hit me up with questions on Facebook.
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August 11, 2017
Yoga in the Park
Start your weekend with Saturday morning yoga��in��#LassingPark��—��palm trees, music, and movement, all under a shady patch of Tampa Bay-facing beach. Your mat may be��completely in the shade, and the cooling breeze from the water means the temperature is lovely, even in August! Classes start��at 10am. Participation by donation. Pay what you can. Limited mat rentals available for $1.
Check out our Meetup page if you’re traveling and not sure if it’s raining at the beach. We’ll post there if we have to cancel for any reason.
Classes are a vinyasa flow style, you make it as challenging as you like, I’ll give you options. Message me with your questions!
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August 7, 2017
Florida Woman: A Fantastic Ekphrastic Event with Keep St. Pete Lit
Florida Woman��is a piece I wrote in response to Karla Walter’s Red Berry Crow. I performed this on Saturday, August 5 as part of Keep St. Pete Lit‘s Fantastic Ekphrastic event at Florida Craft Art Gallery. My writing is��in no way is meant to reflect on the artist’s��intention.��As a longtime journalist and publicist, and a woman who’s lived in the Muslim world, I’m disheartened by current events. Yet I do take heart in the idea that it’s all cyclical — EVERMORE!
Florida Woman Deports Husband
Husband Returns Later that Afternoon
DELRAY BEACH, Fla.��– According to a police report obtained by The Miami Herald, a Florida woman got into a domestic dispute with her husband over his ethnicity. The incident erupted in flames, according to police, when she doused him in gasoline and lit him on fire. The man extinguished himself in a nearby birdbath. The woman, 27-year-old Beth Berry, was locked inside her house when police arrived.
Berry was screaming and breaking things inside her Delray home early Tuesday morning, throwing what appeared to be sticks and bits of foil out the window when deputies arrived, according to a Dade County Sheriff’s Office report.
According to the report, when deputies asked Berry what the items were she replied, “I���m turning state���s evidence.”
Earlier in the week, Berry had turned in her husband, ���Red��� Berry, to the Department of Homeland Security for immediate deportation, claiming he was an illegal immigrant, possibly armed and certainly dangerous. But authorities dispatched to the house this morning, however, found no evidence of illegal arms or Mr. Berry himself, and so they left. That���s when the argument became heated.
According to neighbors the police interviewed on the scene, Mr. Berry returned shortly after DHS agents left. Before long, crashing and banging sounds mixed with loud caws emanated from the house. This went on for about a half hour before the couple emerged. The report said that Ms. Berry appeared to be chasing Mr. Berry from the house with a broom, which she lit on fire before managing to strike him directly.
The incident might have turned deadly if it weren���t for a birdbath that had been installed nearby recently.
���That���s a first,��� commented one neighbor, identifying herself only as Jane Doe, to a Herald reporter on the scene.
By the time police arrived, many neighbors filled the streets, seemingly angered by the turn of events.
���Who marries a goddamn bird?��� shouted one man on the scene, a cry that riled the crowd.
Presently the crowd began shouting — ���Frankenfreak, Frankenfreak!��� — which brought Ms. Berry storming out of the house.
���Where is that @#$$hole?��� shouted Ms. Berry. ���Where���s Red?���
���Only @#$$hole I see here is you,��� answered another bystander from the crowd, garnering shouts of, ���Yeah!��� And, ���Here, here!��� Before someone else asked, ���What you doing bringing a bird to our neighborhood?���
���A bird?��� Ms. Berry shot back. ���What kinda woman you think I am!?��� Before charging the crowd.
It was at this point that police intervened in what appeared to be an attempt to keep Ms. Berry from attacking the angry mob. But the momentum underway could not be stopped, and Ms. Berry lashed out at the officer.
���Red is not��what he said he was,��� Ms. Berry told the Herald from the back seat of the cruiser. ���That son-of-a-#$% is a crow!���
According to papers filed in court on Monday, Beth was seeking a divorce from her husband of six weeks for falsely representing his ethnicity. In it, Ms. Berry claimed that her husband, ���Red,��� had deceived her into thinking he was a raven.
���It was great that the beginning,��� Ms. Berry said, speaking through an open window. ���I mean, flying sex? We called it flucking. Why did God take away our wings?���
After appearing to be lost in thought for a few moments, Ms. Berry resumed her tirade. ���Ravens are, like, smart. I mean, who wouldn���t want to be seen with one? But a crow? A crow is just a common��� bird.���
A sobriety test showed only trace amounts of alcohol, according to the report.
Prior to this incident the house seemed quiet and the couple kept mostly to themselves.
Ms. Berry remains in jail without bond.
Mr. Berry, who returned to the scene later in the day to collect what Ms. Berry had thrown out the window, would say only, ���Nevermore!���
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August 1, 2017
Learn the Essentials of Writing a Nonfiction Book Proposal
You’ve put time and effort and life lived into writing ��your non-fiction book. To get it to the next level, you’re going to need an agent, and to get an agent, you’re going to need a book proposal. Even if you haven’t completed����your manuscript, it’s not too soon to learn what you’ll need to create your nonfiction book proposal.
Your��proposal is the��marketing document that will ��introduce your idea to an agent, and ultimately a publisher. Think of it as a��brochure for your book. While it will vary slightly by agent, nonfiction book proposals have a��fairly standard formula. Of course, you could look this formula up online and start typing, but in this course you’ll get personal, constructive feedback on shaping yours. You’ll come away with ideas for putting the strongest elements of your book forward.
As a marketing professional with more than 20 years’ experience building national and international brands, I understand the strategy behind book proposals. As��a published��author and freelance writer, I also know first-hand how hard it is to����market one’s own work. In this class, I’ll show you what those essential elements are, and we’ll talk about your project in particular to help you create a clear idea of what your book is about in order to attract an agent.
Let’s do it. Let’s get your idea to your audience with your nonfiction book proposal!��Sign up here with the New York Writers Workshop.
Write me here��you have any questions.
If you can’t make this class, I’ll be offering one online. Check back!
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June 27, 2017
CLASS: The Art of Memoir
Wanna start writing your memoir? Join us for The Art of Memoir, where you’ll learn the art (and science) of telling your story. You’ll come away with a solid idea for your book and tips for starting to write it. HINT: This is not the way to write your memoir. Join us for The Art of Memoir, July 29 at @moreanarts. Register with @keepstpetelit Link in bio.
#amwriting #amlearning #writersofig#writinggoals #theartofmemoir
May 4, 2017
Memoir is not confession
If a memoir is not a confession, what exactly is it? In prepping for the online writing class I’m teaching, I’ve been looking into this issue. First, because I certainly don’t want to give the impression that truth is irrelevant. But any “truth” to be read in a memoir is what is remembered — personal, clouded, and faulty at best. Moreover, it’s not a journal. I can’t be asked to re-read my own journals let alone dig into someone else’s poorly formed tales. I wrote this piece really as a class, then re-tooled it for Medium, you can find it here. I’d love to know what you think.
May 3, 2017
Happy International Women’s Day
If women were to strike in St Pete tonight, there would be no yoga classes, no zine workshop, no flat white, and no storytelling show. That’s just my slice of the world. Thank you, @wordierthanthou @keepstpetelit and @thebodyelectricyoga @allforallstpete Angelica and Shanna (baristas extraordinaire) for making my life in St Pete better every day.
#whorundaworld #internationalwomensday #yoga #coffee #books #love #keepstpetelovable
May 2, 2017
Wise Words
In prepping for teaching my online memoir class, I’ve been looking at what some of my favorite writers have to say about writing memoir. They resonate so strongly, I have to share.
(Classes start May 11, message me here if you’re interested in taking the class, and let me know what you’re working on.)
