C.C. Solomon's Blog, page 9

Free 2 Live February Newsletter

I don’t know about you but I’m already counting down until Spring. This month I talk online dating, my new favorite beauty product, and my new section, Out the Box, which will cover anything from nightlife, blogs, books, and pop culture.

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Online Dating Etiquette 101[image error]

After years of on and off usage of online dating and hearing stories from various people, I’ve put together some of my top etiquette when online/app dating to keep your karma shiny and your dating successful.

If you swipe then respond– Why waste the time winking/swiping/staring or whatever and then fail to communicate with that person? I know some use apps like Bumble or Tinder as a confidence booster but there are other places to go for that kind of need.
Don’t spend too much time texting/messaging– The goal is to meet people. If you are still messaging someone two weeks in without even a phone call, move on. The only reason this pen pal situation drags on is because the person is seeing someone else but wants you waiting in the wings, is catfishing you, is married, is wasting your time.
Don’t be a no show– Online dating shouldn’t make a person less courteous to others.  You are still speaking with an actual person online so treat them with respect.
Keep the conversation going– This one is a common pet peeve. If a person writes to you and you respond, add something more than just a response to the question to add value. If all you are doing is answering the questions or just adding “and you?”, this is not a conversation. This is borderline interviewing and it shows disinterest in getting to know the other person.
Be honest– The truth is going to come out and if you’ve ever watched Catfish, no amount of a good personality is going to makeup for the lie. Use real, recent pictures with close ups and full body shots. Don’t fudge your height. Don’t lie about your age or job. Don’t hide that you are separated or have kids. I find that if you are real in your profile you have more confidence upon the first meeting because you’ve always presented the authentic you.
Limit your options– It can be overwhelming and almost like a game to keep swiping all day but if you spread yourself thin are you really able to make a connection (assuming that’s what you want)? Focus on a few people and put real effort in. If nothing works, then move on.

And of course, last but not least, have fun. When it starts to feel like work, take a break.

Product of the Month

I love a good blush if it helps to bring an enhancing pop to your face. I cringe whenever I see someone who just puts some pink on their cheeks and keeps it moving. Blush should add depth or accentuate your best, almost like contouring. This month I got Seraphine Botanicals Lychee and Gold blush. This pink blush has a light shimmer to it that gives a nice highlight and a lit from within look.[image error]

Out the Box

I’m a movie buff and avid reader, but I’m not one for the mushiness unless it’s laced in horror, science fiction, or fantasy.  Since it’s February, I thought I’d recommend a couple of “out the box” romance books and movies.

If you like a bit of romance with your horror check out Warm Bodies. I found the story of a zombie falling in love with a girl (and not eating her) quite compelling despite how crazy the premise sounds.

If you like science fiction and romance check out the 2011 movie staring Ewan McGregor called Perfect Sense. Set in a world were a disease causes humankind to lose all their senses one by one, two people still manage to fall in love. Pulls the heartstrings and stuff.

For my readers, if you love urban fantasy (like I do) but still want some romance, check out the new series from Ilona Andrews (actually a husband and wife writing duo), Hidden Legacy. Set in a world where magic rules the day and the more you have of it, the higher in society you are. When two mages from different walks of life come together to track down a powerful bad guy, welp love and stuff happens.

Happy Valentine’s Day. Until next time!

Free 2 Live January Newsletter

Hey there, it’s a new year and I’m in denial that time seems to be flying by so quickly. Do you have any New Year’s resolutions? Mine seem to be the same every year, le sigh.

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This months Feature will cover some highlights from my trip to NOLA. In Beauty, I’ll shoutout my new favorite new product, and in  Food/Drink/Night, I’ll discuss Baltimore’s new classy evening spot .

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So I finally visited New Orleans and I went for New Years. Sadly, it was much colder than normal, which put a damper on things but on the bright side, I definitely want to return. I’ll give you the quick and dirty of my trip.

One thing I’ll pass on is the food conversation. New Orleans has an overwhelming amount of food options and it really is a hit or miss. Some of the places I was recommended I didn’t like much and others that didn’t get the top billing I found really good. My best advice is to explore on your own and forget your diet!

[image error]Spotted Cat

I stayed at the Lowes hotel which is in walking distance to the French Quarters. It’s classy and the staff was super friendly. There is a gym, spa (which was closed when I was there), and the restaurant inside hosted some of my best meals. And they have a 25 cent (yes, you read that right) martini time during lunch.

If you are a shopping gal like me check out the Riverwalk, which has a ton of outlet shops; also walking distance to the hotel. For something more unique, the French Quarter has many boutiques in close proximity to each other. And when you need a break there are tons of places to eat and drink.  For more shopping, go to the Garden District but be prepared to walk. The shops are spread out. You get a couple blocks of shopping and dining and then a few more blocks of housing and so forth.

If you are stuck on things to do I recommend doing the hop on/hop off bus tour to get you started and get a feel for the city. You get a garden district walking tour with it. The bus also takes you to the World War II museum which I think is worth checking out (and it has the cute clothing shop if vintage wear is your thing). Also try a ghost tour and a swamp boat ride. If drinks are your thing, a pub crawl might be worth it as well.

[image error]Balcony Music Club

No trip to NOLA is complete without going out for drinks and music. There are tons. I stayed clear of the famous Bourbon Street and did my nightlife in the Frenchman St area. Just walk the block and go inside where you hear music you like. I heard everything from jazz, to soul, to blues to reggae. The Spotted Cat was the most popular place but there are tons of other places to stop in that I enjoyed. If you can get a seat, check out the Carousel Bar not to far from the Quarter. There is a super slow moving carousel bar inside and it’s a cool thing to try.

I really need to go back and finish eating my way around the town. Till then, detox!

 

Beauty

This months product is Lisa Frank x Glamour Dolls Matte Eyeshadow which I got as a part of my most recent Ipsy monthly makeup subscription. I cannot express how much I love the Heartthrob Matte [image error]Eyeshadow. It gives an instant natural, smokey eye. That and some mascara and my eyes pop!

 

 

Food/Drink/Night

I had the chance to check out Baltimore’s latest sophisticated night scene, The Bygone. Baltimore gets a lot of flack but it really has some nice places to check out. While I love the low-key atmosphere of this town, it’s nice to have the Harbor East area as another more sophisticated part. The Four Seasons already had Wit and Wisdom and the Lock Bar next to it. Now it brings us The Bygone on the top floor. It’s a spacious restaurant and bar surrounded by windows and a balcony with a great view of the city and a roaring 20s feel. It’s not cheap but if class is your thing its worth a visit.

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If you haven’t checked it out lately, take a look at my new project :  Free 2 Live. Free 2 Live Group is a site focused on the active 30 and up who lives life beyond expectations.

Finally if you haven’t checked out my ebook The Mission, it’s on sale on  Amazon!

Stay tuned for next month’s letter!

Thanks again for your support and please spread the word!

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Free 2 Live December Issue

Hey Folks, It’s December. October and November were a busy time for me. It was my birthday and I celebrated in Vegas, baby!

This months Feature will be about outside the box gifts. In Beauty, I’ll highlight my new favorite makeup, and in Food and Drink, I’ll discuss the Cosmopolitan Hotel in Vegas.

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What do you get a person who might appreciate something more alternative for the holidays? Here are a few suggestions:

The Beauty

Face mask DIY- You can buy the powders or put them together yourself along with the mixes (like honey) with recipes that treat differing skin conditions. This is the perfect gift for the spa and beauty person who likes to create products just for themselves.

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The Reader

Audible subscription-  In this day and age of multitaskers, hearing a book while you cook, workout, drive or take a bath can be a great alternative for your avid reader. Each month the reader gets credit for a book and even if they don’t pick a book that month it racks up for the next month. Also nice, if you download a book and don’t like it, you can send it back and get another one instead, no charge. 

The Spa Goer

Oil Diffuser– For the person who wants a full spa like feel at home (or work), an oil diffuser. It can relive tension and work as a humidifier.

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The Sophisticate

Unique cocktail mix/kit- For the cocktail snob who likes to experiment this is a fun gift.

 

TV addict

Get a  T-shirt especially made for her of her favorite show. It’s personable and fun!

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Beauty

This month’s beauty obsession is NYX Lid Lingerie eyeshadows. They come in shimmer and matte colors and are only $7 a pop. They are also quick to put on, last pretty long even without a primer, and show up very well even on brown skin. I want them all!

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Food and Drink

So I started this by saying I was in Vegas for my birthday. I thought about doing a recap (well of the things I can share) but honestly, Vegas is one of those places where you can make it your own. However, if you are looking for nightlife that’s a bit low key but still glitzy, check out the bars in the Cosmopolitan Hotel.  The Chandelier Bar is gorgeous, the Vesper Bar has great drinks and friendly bartenders, and I dug the music at Clique Bar and Lounge.

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If you haven’t checked it out lately, take a look at my new project :  Free 2 Live. Free 2 Live Group is a site focused on the active 30 and up who lives life beyond expectations.

Finally if you haven’t checked out my ebook The Mission, it’s on sale on  Amazon!

Stay tuned for next month’s letter!

Thanks again for your support and please spread the word!

Changes

Hi good people,

I’ll be going on a bit of a break from this blog as I focus on some other projects but I will continue to put out a monthly newsletter with a similar focus as this blog ,discussing all things travel, beauty, cooking, dating and lifestyle.

In my next letter, I’ll be talking Vegas for the fabulous but tired and how to give thanks and mean it.

To subscribe go to http://ccsolomon.us8.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=bb08ad3bf561a87ee173796bc&id=de24801e52

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Drugstore Products with Double Uses

Beauty can be costly which is why, if you search long enough on the internet, you’ll find several posts about hacks and dupes of more expensive products. Even better? Finding products that do double duty. And I’m not talking about products that are all in ones, although are great. But what about your everyday products that have alternative uses that serve just as well as products made specifically for that use? You’d be surprised what your everyday products in your bathroom can do. Here are a few that I’ve tried. Note: I am not the originator of these ideas.

Visine good for…acne?

We all know this product is good for clearing red, irritated eyes but if you need to take the redness out of a pimple it’s also good for that. I’m no scientist so I can only assume that the same way it takes the red out of eyes is the same reason it can take the redness out of a pimple which makes it less noticeable. [image error]

Lotion good for…hair?

In a pinch, if you need to moisturize your hair this will do. Dampen your hair and apply the lotion to seal in the hair’s moisture from the water. Obviously this is best for hair in it’s naturally curly state.

Chaffing gel for…makeup primer?

Ok this sounds a little crazy but chaffing gel is a great and cheap alternative for a makeup primer. Many have compared Monistat Chaffing Powder Gel to Smash box Photo Finish Primer. It certainly has a similar look but my skin is super oily so I was a skeptic. However, when I tried it, it worked lovely and kept my oiliness away for quite some time. I’m sold. The cheap alternative is worth the awkwardness at the convenience store. [image error]

Toothbrush for… acne?

Yep, another around the way product for pimples. I’ve used toothpaste to get rid of pimples when I was out of real acne products. The reason it possibly works? Toothpaste has many ingredients in it that are drying which is one of the methods of shrinking pimples. I have put it on as an overnight treatment.

 

Aloe Vera for… hair and acne?

Aloe is great for more than just burns. It’s another good product to use for natural hair to help seal in moisture when wet. I usually don’t use it in it’s natural state for hair and get it in a gel formulation made for treating skin irritations. It’s also great as a treatment for acne by helping to reduce the swelling and redness. For that I use the all natural plant. [image error]

Baby powder for…eyelashes?

Want to make your lashes look thicker and get that falsie look with your mascara? Put on your favorite mascara, one or two coats. Then dip a Q-tip in baby powder and coat your lashes until they have an ashen look. Finally add another coat of mascara to your lashes to get them black again.

Elmer’s glue for… nails?

Ever put glitter nail polish on? Looks awesome right? Ever take glitter nail polish off? A nightmare, right? Well, I found out about this handy little trick to make the removal a lot easier. Put the glue on as a base (doesn’t have to be Elmer’s), you can thin it out with water to help make it spreadable. Let it dry thoroughly. Then apply the glitter polish as usual. When you are ready to remove the nail polish you can peel it off with ease. [image error]

What other products in your household have you found to have surprising dual purposes?

 

Travel Nightlife: Baltimore’s Classy Side

Since I’m a Baltimorean, I’m always on a mission to show another side of Baltimore outside of the Wire. We actually have some classy, fun little spots for nightlife that should be on your list to check out whether you are a visitor or a local. Leave your tennis at home!

Here are some of my new favorites for a little sophistication in your evening.

The Elk Room

This is a new speak easy in the Harbor East area. By nature of a speak easy, I feel a little bad by mentioning it so, shh, don’t tell anyone. This place is dark and just cool. Like the name suggest it has a smoker’s lounge feel. The mixologist (bartenders) are pretty spiffy and they have suspenders! It’s a great place for groups, dates, singles (ex. those who might want a chance to catch the eye of another single). On a Friday night, there was a piano player which added to the swankiness of it all. The drinks are pricey as heck but work the experience.

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Sugarvale

This Mt. Vernon downstairs bar is quite lovely and I couldn’t find a picture to do it justice. It has a very hip vibe and is a perfect spot for a date, although groups go here as well. Singles, not so much.  The cocktails are inventive and the later it gets the more intimate the vibe gets as the lights get dimmer. I also notice that they change the decorations with the season which is cool.

Pendry Hotel- Rec Pier Chop House and Cannon Room

If you like dark and sexy this is the place for you. The Pendry, located in Fells Point, is pretty spacious hotel over the water. In the Rec Pier Chop House, the hotel dining and nightlife option, there is outdoor patio seating space, a large bar and many loungy sitting areas. It also has a separate space for dinning. It’s popular so it gets crowded here. And if you are a whiskey lover check out the Cannon room, a lounge inside the Pendry behind a red velvet rope. On the nights that I went they played good music which is always a nice addition with my Old Fashion. In general this is a good option for couples, groups of people and singles.

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Rye Bar

Like I said, I like a good whiskey drink. This small Fells Point bar is a great place for nice drinks and live music. It can get crowded the later it gets, when it also gets louder due to the musicians playing. Great for groups or couples.

 

The Bluebird Cocktail Room

Another new spot in the Hampden area, I came here for happy hour which was pretty nice. It’s a wide open space with old style jazz playing that made me feel like I was being transported back in time as I climbed the steps to go inside. Before stepping in you’ll see swings on the balcony you can lounge in as well for their outdoor space. Inside the space is painted a dark blue.  I’m not sure how this is at night but based on the happy hour crowd I think this is more of a date night or group of couples type of place.

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Upstairs at the Elephant

On it’s own the Elephant is pretty fantabulous (yep I combined two words). Sophisticated, mature. This Mt. Vernon establishment is really the definition of classy. Happy hour upstairs is very nice and the downstairs bar is sweet as well. But now they rebranded the upstairs as more of a loungy area while the downstairs is dining. Great cocktails, friendly staff and great for dates and groups.

Bookmakers Cocktail Club

Yep, I have another whiskey bar for you. This one is located in Federal Hill and is really the only bar/restaurant I go to in the area since I’ve aged out of most of Federal Hill nightlife after 8pm! It’s dark, it’s cool, spacious, and great for groups and singles. I’m not sold on it being good for dating on a weekend night but the weeknight or earlier in the evening it definitely is.

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Hope you get a chance to come out to Baltimore and enjoy a classier side of our town!

Makeup Review: Nude look

I love make up. I used to subscribe to the Sephora monthly glam bag but now I switched over to Ipsy for something a little different. I like that they make you fill out a questionnaire to get a flavor of what type of person you are, skin care issues and products you’re looking for. So often I get products from them that fit my needs and get behind in my reviews. Some of the products I describe below are a collection of make up that I gathered for a nude look that I really adore.

Black Radiance Artisan Color Baked Blush in Toasted Almond- This is the only makeup in the bunch that was not part of my Ipsy bag. I reviewed another of the blushes before and I feel like you can’t go wrong with this drugstore brand for brown girls. This really made my skin pop and gave my face some depth.  [image error]

Makeup Forever Excessive Lash Arresting Volume Mascara- Hmm, I’m not a huge fan of this eyeshadow. It made my lashes defined and separated, which is good but the volume thing? Eh. I had to build it up a lot to give me that pop I like. [image error]

Benefit Watt’s Up Cream to Powder Highlighter- I really like to use this product to give my eyes a pop. Just a bit in the corners of my eyes and a smudge on the nose and it gives mea  glow that I like. For my complexion I’m not big on it as a highlighter above my cheekbones as I get an ashy look.[image error]

Nude Stix Magnetic Matte Lip Color Greystone- lip color/stain/liner in one. I actually really like it. Like any matte it is drying but not to the point that my lips peel. And it doesn’t last strong through eating and gets more into lip stain territory which I don’t mind. I like the color on me but need to remember to really prep the lips first to avoid the matte settling into lines in my lips.  [image error]

the Balm Voyage Vol. 2 Travel Eyeshadow in  Willkommen- Ipsy only gave me one color out of the bunch but it was the perfect color for me. This gave me an almost Ombre coloring with just one eye shadow. It can be applied dry or wet. Definitely my daily go to now.  [image error]

[image error]Total look with the listed products.

Out of all of the products I’ll be sticking with Black Radiance and looking into the Balm and Nude Stix products.

Till next time!

My Personal Shopper: A Stitch Fix Review

I love shopping but have grown tired of the whole mall experience. I’m still a fan of boutiques and even discount department stores like Marshalls. However, endless walking in the mall in countless stores, scrolling through racks of colorful clothes was starting to become overwhelming.

I’m no stranger to online shopping. I love it because I can watch Scandal and shop online at the same time. But for some reason I thought having my own personal shopper would take me to the next level for my inner fashionista. So I subscribed to Stitch Fix. An affordable online personal shopper.

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Here’s how it works: You pay a regular fee (depending on how often you use them from once a month to whenever you just need them) and they send you 5 items that you can buy or return. To start, you fill out a questionnaire so the stylist can get a better idea of what you like. You have the option of getting anything from jewelry to jeans, to coats to shoes. You can also send a note to the stylist if you are looking for something specifically and give them your Pinterest and Instagram account so they can get an even better idea of what you like. The questionnaire also asks about celebrity styles that you like.

In theory it’s done well for an accessible personal shopper at a low end price. But like all things, you get what you pay for.

I subscribed to an every other month service. After four deliveries I think I am in a good place to make a knowledgeable determination of the service. And…it’s not for me. 

Here’s the deal. It’s not that the service is bad. If you aren’t a shopper and just need help with finding fashionable items then this service is good. If you super active on Pinterest or show outfits you wear on Instagram, I think this is also good. But if you are already pretty stylish and shop somewhat consistently, this might not be a service that will prove that useful.

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I got two items from the four deliveries. The biggest issue for me was the following:

Fit: Things were too tight or two big. If you are a curvy girl or pear shaped it’s more of a challenge. Even with providing measurements and details about your shape, it often was a hit or miss.

Style: Many of the items were a bit basic for me. I am a magazine addict so I was really looking for items at that really trendy level that I see celebrities wear but at a lower cost. Most of the clothes they sent to me fit my basic style but then I already had a lot of similar items in my closet.

Price: Overall the price wasn’t too high. It wasn’t cheap but you had the option of putting in your price points. I chose to keep mine under $100. I’d like to imagine that I would receive items that I really thought fit my style if I went higher in cost. However, on my own I was able to find  stylish items for less.

So overall, I can’t say the service is a bad one, it just didn’t fit my need of getting trendy items that fit my body type. However, if you aren’t a shopper this can be a really good service.

Costa Rica: A Cosmo Girl’s Solo Journey

Let me start by saying that Costa Rica is not the first destination an urbanista or cosmo gal would think of for a vacation. Going solo even less so. It’s not a cosmopolitan town but I’m no stranger to that. After all, I went to Iceland and I love a good beach town (I heart Negril). However, after hearing everyone state how awesome it was, I decided to check it out.

I should start by explaining that my review is only limited to the three areas I visited: San Jose, Arenal, and Manuel Antonio. San Jose, itself, is often used as the base camp and many people will tell you it’s not that grand of a place to visit. Being a cosmo gal I would never make such a judgement without seeing it for myself. And of course I stayed in the city. Soooo, yeah the city isn’t New York City. It’s grungy but it has some hip, fancy parts. Honestly, the suburbs were more my style. Nice casino hotels and mega malls. I guess it was more touristy. I will say, if you are going to Costa Rica, you aren’t going for a cosmo vibe, you’re going for the beachy/outdoorsy vibe.

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Lodging

San Jose – City

I stayed two nights in the city of San Jose at Hotel Santo Thomas. It was a quaint old fashioned boutique hotel with friendly staff. While it was clean, it could use some repair/updating. The area surrounding the hotel was slightly sketch but ok, although I wouldn’t take any night strolls. The hotel had a small pool and offers a free breakfast that is more local style (eggs, toast, fruit, rice and beans).  I stayed alone in a wing of the hotel which was a bit creepy. There wasn’t any air conditioner in my wing but I didn’t feel hot. San Jose was much cooler than the other parts I visited. The hotel also has a tiny gym. [image error]

[image error]Alone on this floor. This is the hallway and the other rooms were vacant. 

Manuel Antonio

I stayed in the lovely La Mansion Inn. It’s not on the Manuel Antonio Beach (but near by) although it is near another less crowded beach. The hotel has a roof top area for dinning and drinks and a pool with bar. There is also a restaurant and you can get a reservation with free breakfast. The hotel staff was friendly and give you a tour of the hotel upon check in. On the weekend, I’m assuming it’s regular, management hosts a guest cocktail reception. Note: the area is spread out so it’s not really short walking friendly. It takes close to 15 minutes going uphill mostly to get to the main road from the hotel. I got my exercise. The main road has a bunch of restaurants to check out and you can catch the bus for the equivalent of less than a dollar to get to the main beach area with more shopping and dining.

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[image error]view from my room

San Jose/Escazu

I stayed at the Sheraton about 20-30 minutes from the airport. It was very nice with breakfast included, a bakery area, nice gym, rooftop pool and casino. The mega mall is technically walking distance but they offer a free shuttle every two hours.

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Things To Do

San Jose- City Tour

I took the VIP evening city tour to get an idea of San Jose city. I know there is a bigger push to explore the city but the tour didn’t really entice me enough to want to see more. Most city tours can get a little dry and this was no exception, plus some of the areas we searched on foot made me a bit uncomfortable especially at night. I would pass on doing a city tour and just check out things you are particularly interested in like the Central Market or the Gold or Jade museums.

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In the suburbs of Escazu I also visited the multi plaza mall which was indeed mega. I did not get a chance to explore the whole area and it was a bit overwhelming but if you are a shopper, it’s worth checking out.

Arenal

The Bali Hotsprings and Volcano excursion was a fun tour. We also made a few stops on the way. The Hotsprings, although touristy and not as natural as I thought they would be, was still relaxing and we had an ok dinner at the restaurant where I got a good shot of the volcano when the clouds dispersed a bit.

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Manuel Antonio

This area is one of the most well known parks and beaches. If you are into nature and wildlife it’s fun to check out. I did a nature hike and hanging at the paid part of the beach is part of it. I didn’t stay because I can’t really relax on a beach where raccoons just come up to you and try to rummage through you bags with you next to it (I saw this with my own eyes).  I also went to Gaia Hotel for a fantastic spa treatment to satisfy the luxury gal in me.

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Solo Perspective

Ok, I can’t end my recap without doing my take on solo travel. I hear a lot about it being something one should try and that you learn a lot about yourself. I have to say that it really wasn’t for me. I’m more on the extrovert end of the line so dining by myself or sitting on a beach alone wasn’t really that fun for me. Sure I didn’t have to deal with waiting for other people to get ready or if they didn’t want to do something having to figure out what to do, but if you have the right travel partner that’s not a big issue.

I was able to interact with more strangers going on my own but most people I met were with others. I was surprised that I didn’t encounter more solo travelers. If I had, I think it would have been better.

Safety

I never really felt unsafe there. I took all the needed precautions and made sure I scheduled my transportation in advance between the areas. Check out Grayline for transports and excursions. Note : Follow up with phone calls to confirm everything.

I also made sure that I knew which cars were cabs (red cars) and which ones were hacks. I didn’t flash my money or jewelry and didn’t walk around with my passport (kept it locked in the safe). Note: You can use US dollars there, and at times it’s cheaper to do so.

A lot of people wanted to know if I was there alone. I made a judgement call regarding telling them if I was or not. I was often called brave. *shrugs*

Language

I recommend using google translate app. It’s free and you can take pictures of words, write them with your finger, speak them or type them in. I had to use it with my driver because he spoke barely any English and my Spanish was rusty. You can even use it offline which is key in areas without internet access.

In the End

I wouldn’t be apposed to going to Costa Rica again but I’d prefer to go with someone and maybe check out the beach town of Jaco or the Caribbean side of the country. However, overall, it is a lovely country, with lush greenery, nature and kind people. I thought it was worth the visit.

Date Alert: Red Flags You Should Never Ignore While Dating

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I’d like to begin this post with a disclaimer.

The list below is not meant to mean that if you find these traits or actions in your partner you should immediately dump them. Some things can be worked on if the person is willing. Others, yes, run. Ultimately, the goal is to recognize them, consider them, and determine if you can tolerate them. You can never change a person only how you react.

So, I’ve dated a lot. More than I anticipated in my 30 odd years so I have convinced myself that this time will not go in vain and that I will learn and take something meaningful from this dating time. I started with writing my ebook The Mission. The one common denominator in a lot of dating experiences that went south were that there were red flags I missed. Some I didn’t catch in the beginning. Others I willfully ignored. I asked friends as well about red flags they have seen and that culminated in this list below.

So here is my non-exhaustive list of red flags you should never ignore in dating if you want to avoid dating emotional fatigue (D.E.F.) (this is a term, ok, I made it up, but it’s a real thing). In no particular order

They talk about their ex. A lot. – If you aren’t asking about it. They shouldn’t be talking about it.
They call past dates crazy.-  The reality is those people probably weren’t crazy. There are more sides to that story. It’s also dismissive and could mean they aren’t self-reflective.
The person is not consistent.- Unless something happened, be cautious if a person goes M.I.A. for days at a time if they started off calling/texting everyday. Probably means they aren’t that into you or have no follow through.
Person can’t see you regularly. –  If you can’t see me more than once a week or make plans ahead of time, it’s hard to reach a meaningful connection. Especially if we don’t talk on the phone (not text) in between that time.
You can’t just chill with that person.- And I don’t’ mean Netflix and chill. I mean, just sitting (even on a park bench) and talking for hours, not necessarily with alcohol. Getting to know the person, not just the person in action.
The person won’t share feelings. – I realize that one of my love languages is Words of affirmation. If a guy can’t at least text me once in a while and say “I miss you” then something is up. This just might mean they aren’t missing you… [image error]
Won’t share social media handles. – If you are a month in and they still won’t accept your Facebook request, I’m not saying it’s because there are pictures of him and his wife on there but…there are pictures of him and his wife on there.
The person is insecure.- Insecure people are either super jealous or push you away for trivial things because of their own personal hang-ups. It’s a lot of emotional work to deal with.
Won’t talk on the phone. – Unless there is a disability that prevents it, I find that you really can’t make a meaningful connection with someone if you don’t talk on the phone from time to time. And its suspicious.
Response lag. – In this day in age, darn near no one (including the president) is too busy that they can’t respond to you within 24 hours or less. They can go to the bathroom and reply to you at the same time. The only exception is if they go vacation somewhere off the grid. [image error]
Never plans a date.- This is especially for guys. Planning a date makes me believe you are thinking of me and courting me. I am a huge planner and find myself often picking the spot but I began to realize that some guys were using me as a social partner/escape (a.k.a. good time) rather than an individual they were trying to connect with towards something long term.
Over analytical. – I admit that this is me. So I am working on it. Over-analytical people will talk themselves out of something that could be good.
The person doesn’t have friends or is not close to family.-  This might showcase how they would be in a partnership with you if they don’t have support around them. Don’t make an assumption but do ask why.
Mental health concerns.- I’ve dated a few people with mental health issues. I wont’ say run but acknowledge it, ask if they are getting any treatment/help they need, and determine what you can handle.
Doesn’t have a stable life.- If their life is in transition, then they may not be in a position to provide something serious. Such transitional situations are: moved back home with a parent, going through divorce, unemployed, child custody battles. Proceed with caution and move at a snails pace. [image error]
Won’t invite you to activities with friends. – They don’t have to do this from day one but at some point in the deciding stage (which I think is the first three months) you have to meet at least one friend. The guy/girl should want to show you off.

So here is my rather long list. I’m sure there are more that I don’t even know about (and don’t really want to know, as I’m ready for my expertise in this field to end LOL). Again, my advice is to note them, talk to your date about them, and if they don’t change their behavior (consistently), then determine what you can stick around for.

Good luck out there and watch the flags!