Chris Rodell's Blog, page 98
August 15, 2014
My summer job: Latrobe tour guide
(791 words)
“Help! My daughters cast a spell that turned me smaller than an Arnold Palmer golf ball and there’s a grasshopper coming to eat me!”
I wish I could have shared that line with you earlier this week, but I’ve been busy playing tour guide.
That’s what happens when you live in Latrobe when the Pittsburgh Steelers are in town for training camp.
The picture was taken
“Help! My daughters cast a spell that turned me smaller than an Arnold Palmer golf ball and there’s a grasshopper coming to eat me!”
I wish I could have shared that line with you earlier this week, but I’ve been busy playing tour guide.
That’s what happens when you live in Latrobe when the Pittsburgh Steelers are in town for training camp.
The picture was taken
August 13, 2014
Suicide is painless? R.I.P. Robin Williams
(672 words)
I’m not the guy who brings it up, but I am the guy who always has a ready answer anytime someone asks me how I’d do myself in. It’s an idea I stole from a once-cheerful Pittsburgh restauranteur whose business went under and was never heard from again.
He said: “I’d book myself on a long, luxurious Caribbean cruise and when we’re about 10 miles from home port I’d get really
I’m not the guy who brings it up, but I am the guy who always has a ready answer anytime someone asks me how I’d do myself in. It’s an idea I stole from a once-cheerful Pittsburgh restauranteur whose business went under and was never heard from again.
He said: “I’d book myself on a long, luxurious Caribbean cruise and when we’re about 10 miles from home port I’d get really
August 11, 2014
Brownie points : Confessions of a bad son
(776 words)
It never bodes well when it’s after 11 p.m. and caller ID shows it’s my 81-year-old Mom. Not because it’s something urgent and we’re an hour away.
No, usually because it’s something exasperating and I’m impatient.
She “desperately” needs chicken tenders, coffee filters or watermelon. Pepper jack cheese is a perennial need. She’s always desperate for pepper jack cheese.
It never bodes well when it’s after 11 p.m. and caller ID shows it’s my 81-year-old Mom. Not because it’s something urgent and we’re an hour away.
No, usually because it’s something exasperating and I’m impatient.
She “desperately” needs chicken tenders, coffee filters or watermelon. Pepper jack cheese is a perennial need. She’s always desperate for pepper jack cheese.
August 10, 2014
Sunday encore: End world hunger! Be an airhead!
We’re all justifiably concerned about what we consume. Is this fruit organic? Are these vegetables free of taint? Is this Hot Pocket as nutritionally desolate as we suspect. Seems like everything we eat these days is bound to poison us or make our butts look too big. That’s why I was thrilled in the summer of ’11 to read about a radical new diet. It’s the choice of what are called “
August 8, 2014
Pittsburgh mom gambles on locking kid in car
(718 words)
Pittsburgh is in the midst of one of those hysterical episodes that seem cosmically bestowed just to give rant-worthy material to indignant talk shows hosts.
A 30-year-old area woman is facing negligence charges for locking her 9-year-old son in the car while she went inside a local casino to claim a $10 gambling voucher.
I know, I know. On its face, it looks terrible.
Pittsburgh is in the midst of one of those hysterical episodes that seem cosmically bestowed just to give rant-worthy material to indignant talk shows hosts.
A 30-year-old area woman is facing negligence charges for locking her 9-year-old son in the car while she went inside a local casino to claim a $10 gambling voucher.
I know, I know. On its face, it looks terrible.
August 7, 2014
I speak: some laugh, some cheer, some snooze
(1,062 words)
I don’t know whether it’s more flattering to me or insulting to those fully engaged in the craft, but lots of people who hear me speak say I should be a stand-up comic.
Me, have yet another discipline in which to spectacularly fail? Very funny.
I often tell aspiring humor writers it’s a mistake refer to themselves as humor writers. It sets the bar too high. People hear
I don’t know whether it’s more flattering to me or insulting to those fully engaged in the craft, but lots of people who hear me speak say I should be a stand-up comic.
Me, have yet another discipline in which to spectacularly fail? Very funny.
I often tell aspiring humor writers it’s a mistake refer to themselves as humor writers. It sets the bar too high. People hear
August 6, 2014
PaSsWORd thieves running amok!
(743 words)
The bad news is Russian mobsters have stolen 1.2 billion passwords. The good news is we’ll now at least know who to call next time we forget our passwords.
I spent about 10 minutes this morning thinking about whether I should change all my passwords, as computer security experts are advising.
I decided to defy them.
I did this because I put myself in the shoes of who I
The bad news is Russian mobsters have stolen 1.2 billion passwords. The good news is we’ll now at least know who to call next time we forget our passwords.
I spent about 10 minutes this morning thinking about whether I should change all my passwords, as computer security experts are advising.
I decided to defy them.
I did this because I put myself in the shoes of who I
August 4, 2014
New sneeze etiquette! Let's count sneezes aloud!
(932 words)
I’m pleased to report progress in my efforts to get the world to start counting consecutive sneezes instead of saying, “God bless you,” or some other sneeze-associated salutation.
As of now, my daughter and Dave at the bar are joining me in enthusiastic sneeze counting. That makes three of us.
Only about 7.046 billion people to go!
But I anticipate sneeze counting will
I’m pleased to report progress in my efforts to get the world to start counting consecutive sneezes instead of saying, “God bless you,” or some other sneeze-associated salutation.
As of now, my daughter and Dave at the bar are joining me in enthusiastic sneeze counting. That makes three of us.
Only about 7.046 billion people to go!
But I anticipate sneeze counting will
August 1, 2014
Our queen sized bed; our king-sized dreams
(709 words)
I figure by my crude calculations you could probably fit about five queens in your typical queen-sized bed. Maybe seven if you could persuade them to spoon.
Queen Elizabeth is just 5-foot-4 and she seems to be shrinking before our eyes. She’s 88 and if the diminishing trajectory continues as it has then by 2016 you could probably fit about 10 of her beneath the covers of a
I figure by my crude calculations you could probably fit about five queens in your typical queen-sized bed. Maybe seven if you could persuade them to spoon.
Queen Elizabeth is just 5-foot-4 and she seems to be shrinking before our eyes. She’s 88 and if the diminishing trajectory continues as it has then by 2016 you could probably fit about 10 of her beneath the covers of a
July 31, 2014
Petty wants me to buy vinyl (& who's better, him or Springsteen?)
(725 words)
Tom Petty’s disappointed I won’t be buying his new his new “Hypnotic Eye” album in vinyl.
The classic rocker — and I use that adjective as a heartfelt compliment and not a genre designation — says vinyl is far superior to digital.
I’ve heard this argument before from others whose opinions I respect. They say our digital formats make their carefully crafted music sound
Tom Petty’s disappointed I won’t be buying his new his new “Hypnotic Eye” album in vinyl.
The classic rocker — and I use that adjective as a heartfelt compliment and not a genre designation — says vinyl is far superior to digital.
I’ve heard this argument before from others whose opinions I respect. They say our digital formats make their carefully crafted music sound
