Rashawnda Ungerer's Blog, page 5

November Newsletter

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The Family That Pours Ice Water Over Their Heads Together…

This week I pretty much forced Loving Husband and the Monsters to accept the #IceBucketChallenge to support ALS research and awareness. As you can see in the video we had a bit more fun than we thought we would.

 

When I first heard about the newest, crazy phenomenon sweeping across America, I couldn’t wait to be challenged. I was eager to be active in the struggle to raise awareness. First Daughter and I had participated in the Fiesta 5K race last year and we’ve been donating what we could spare for the past few years, but it never really seemed like enough. Participating in this challenge, however, left us all with a feeling of satisfaction that the race couldn’t take us to.

 

By being challenged and then challenging someone else in return provided us with a connection to the social networking community. It was as if electricity was being passed through us to the next challengers. I am so grateful to have been able to take part in such an important movement and it is my wish that we can all make a huge difference in the lives of those who suffer from ALS.

 

On a more personal note, you may recall that one of the characters in my book The Hard Way was afflicted with ALS. My decision to give that character such an ill fate was inspired by my cousin who lost a long battle with ALS a couple of years ago. Ever since she was diagnosed my family has been doing as much as we can to support ALS research. Watching someone we love slowly lose the abilities that so many of us take for granted, such as walking, feeding oneself, clapping, even flipping someone the bird…well it takes something from you. Something that you can never reclaim.

 

I did not directly witness the full process of the gradual paralysis and eventual death of my cousin, but I was able to experience it vicariously through her sister and her accounts of the sleepless nights and misery that a caregiver endures. Her feelings of helplessness and hopelessness pushed me down to a depth of despair that I had never before experienced. And yet the love she expressed for her sister, the unconditional adoration that I was able to see with my own eyes somehow filled me with an uncanny optimism. So uncanny that when my cousin passed away I was emotionally unprepared.

 

I knew that she would die. But when I was told that she was gone I was almost shocked. The idea of such an intelligent, fun-loving, beautiful, young woman leaving us all the way she did was too much for my heart to understand. Although my mind processed the facts, my spirit was strangely confounded. As days passed and stretched into weeks and months and then years I realized that the void that her death left behind was almost bigger than the spaces that her life used to fill. All of the things that she will never get to do or never get to see appeared to amount to more than the things she had done and the things she had seen.

 

It was the possibilities that haunted me. The what-ifs that tapped annoyingly against my mind. The broken promises of a future that could never be. I’m still learning to come to grips with it as many of her loved ones are, but doing something in her honor somehow soothes the sting of the tomorrows that she lost…and knowing that she would’ve been the first of us all to pour that ice cold water over her head.

 

So. Now that you’ve read my sob story, grab a bucket and fill it with ice water. That’s right. I’m challenging you. If you accept, don’t forget to send me the video so I can get a proper laugh.

 

Good luck, guys!!

 

 

Rashawnda

 

The Constant Complainer

Loving Husband and I have been married for almost 17 amazing years and I still can’t believe that I’m old enough to say that. During the course of our love story I have accumulated a long list of things he does that annoy the hell out of me.  I also have an even longer list of the things he does that make me incredibly happy, but the former is way more interesting.

It really annoys me when Loving Husband complains that I complain all the time. So I wrote a poem about it. Like to read it? Here it goes…

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The Complain Game

by Rashawnda Ungerer

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Disappointment is nothing new to me

One could say that I’m getting used to it

Like when I ask him to do his husbandly duties

And the answer is “I’m about to do it.”

.

But then “I’m about to do it” doesn’t get done

And he wonders why when it’s time to get some

there is none to get

Because “I’m about to do it” still isn’t finished yet.

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So now I’m torn between doubt and trust—

The “I” in independence and the “u” in us

And after the second friendly reminder

the third brings words that should probably be kinder

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For my patience is nearly drained

And now “All you do is complain”

Is in my ear

In my head

In my bed

And he.

Is.

Not.

He’s in the dog house reaping his crop

Because now his reply is, “My bad. I forgot.”

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So finally I just do it myself

And you’re probably thinking,

You should’ve done that before.

But if I do it all myself

Then what do I need him for?

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Because independence is nothing new to me.

My mother taught it well.

I don’t need a man to do a thing for me

I can do good and bad all by myself.

.

But when you join two lives

There are expectations and there are roles

Promises to keep,

Communication and common goals

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When expectations are not met

I have every right to use my voice

If that’s something he’s not comfortable with

Then he’s going to have to make another choice

.

Now I can just see him getting all defensive

Don’t worry. I’m here and I’m remaining

 But a husband should think about the alternative

The next time he complains about his wife’s complaining.

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I think author and comedian Rita Rudner said it best in her stand-up act, Best of the Improv: “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

Seventeen years down. An eternity to go. Wish me luck!

Rashawnda