C.E. Dorsett's Blog, page 6

Write with your voice, not another's

When I read this article on the University Times, I shouted, booed, and cheered at my computer.  I am not going to respond to it directly or to almost anything said in it.  I just want to share my thoughts on the subject since it's something I have thought a lot about.

As a gender queer gay writer, my biggest fear when I got started was that I would be called or classified as a gay writer.  Needless to say, all of my fears came true while the Fate's Harrow serial was coming out.  I was cast off to the LGBT panels, and seemingly all of my fears came true... or did they.

I embraced the categorization, and my next two books, and found an audience that I didn't expect.  Admittedly, it wasn't a large audience, but it is so supportive.  Now, I have to ask myself, what was I afraid of?

Closeted Writer or Honest Stories

The real choice I faced in my writing was whether to be honest about the types of characters I wanted to write about or to stay in a closet of my own making and tell stories I thought other people wanted to read about.  While the latter may be a better strategy for my business, it was a betrayal of everything in me to write.

Not all of my characters are gay or gender queer, but that is my voice as a writer.  It is how I see the world and understand it.  To write any other way would be dishonest to my experience of life.

I am not saying this to judge other writers for their choices.  I understand what a personal decision this is, but if you are struggling with this question, I hope my experience helps you.

Write in your voice, not someone else's

Whatever state you are in, write in your unique voice.  That voice is flavored by your gender, sexuality, beliefs, and experiences.  Your voice isn't the same as your favorite writers', and that is a beautiful thing.

No one talks like you.  No one sees the world like you.  No one imagines the things you imagine.  If you are a writer, it is your duty to tell your own stories in your own voice which will always be colored by your own experiences.

Embrace your uniqueness and don't compare you work to the work of others.  If you were meant to write their book, you would have, and it would sound nothing like their book does.

Be strong in your own stories, and be open to the worlds bursting forth from within you.  They are your challenge alone.  

Creative Storms and the building of Worlds

Many worlds live behind my eyes, and each and every one claws at the edges of my mind to come into being through word and art.  I have played with them, dancing through the night.  I have tried to prioritize them so I can work on one world at a time, but the others shout and scream to the point where I can no longer hear the chosen one...

This year, I have been trying to change my relationship with my fiction and my career.  I want to write more short stories, prose poems, and vignettes, but I still want to work on novels, novellas, and novelettes.  The problem comes in when I try to choose one world over another.  

I used to think this was a problem with disciple, but I don't think it is.  Not really.

Sometime I am in the mood to reread Harry Potter (I am on book 6 btw), and sometime I want to watch Star Trek, and other times I want to continue reading the Pillars of Reality.  If my choice for entertainment can flip around from genre to genre, why would I expect that my imagination would fixate on just one thing?

Why should I feel guilty for loving many genres?

Because it feeds my resistance to keeps me from writing...

There is so much pressure on writers to conduct their business in a certain way.  Every writer who has achieved even a little bit of success, has a formula to follow.  They all have the same talking points.

Write a series of books.Write them fast, releasing several books a year.Start an email newsletter.Sale, Sale, SALE!So, how does a writer with too many ideas work?

I want to tell stories, and yes, I want to make money off my work, but I should not have to conform to how other writers do their work.

Writing is a craft.  Yes, it is a business, but I think we spend too much time, energy, and effort focusing on how to make money, and not enough time on our craft.

We have to tell the stories that are in us to tell.

For writers like me, the community consensus that I should be all about the money distracts me from the real purpose of my career.  I have stories in me that want to be told, and I need to spend my time, energy, and effort on telling those stories in the most well crafted ways I can, and then figure out a way to monetize that.

Stories must come before money.

If you are a writer like me with too many ideas and worlds in you fighting to get out, find a way to tell those stories before everything else.  

Our stories matter more than our income.

I have been here before.  I get to this point, and then slowly, I get sucked down the business road and worry more about money than craft.  I can only hope that I will not fall down that path again.

Join me.  

Tell your stories as I tell mine.  Allow your imagination to carry you to where you need to be.Put the stories and craft first, then monetize that.Don't lock yourself into a system that is self/soul defeating.

I have faith in my craft, my stories, and my characters.  You should too.

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One way to change the world is to act as if it’s already changed.

While I am still on the fence about the new Doctor Who spinoff, Class, showrunner Patrick Ness said something that made me smile:

“Ness added: “Kind of astounded that having a gay lead on Class has been such big news. One day it won’t be, one day soon.


“BECAUSE IT’S NOT A BIG DEAL. One way to change the world is to act as if it’s already changed. That’s how I roll, that’s how Class rolls”

— Patrick Ness

I hope he is right.  After the events over the weekend, I fear that day may be further away than we want it to be.

This approach to writing is one that I adopted many years ago, and it is one I wan to see many other writers take up.  While a story about the struggle can be entertaining, after a while, they really do start feeling like the same story over and over again.

When I was a kid, I looked up to characters like Frank N Furter from Rocky Horror because he was the only genderqueer LGBT character I had ever seen.  The world amazed me because no one cared about Frank's gender or sexuality.  Everyone was delightfully bisexual. No one was judged for they gender expression.

Today, there are more role models for kids, but there can always be more.  When we create or experience a world without prejudice or that is already beyond it like the original Star Trek, it gives us not only something to aspire to, but an escape from the hate and abuse present in the world.

Hooray for class.  You earned my support.

What scares me about writing?

While going through my Twitter feed, I came across this question:

Writing Question of the Day: What is something that scares you about writing today? #WQOTD

— K.M. Weiland (@KMWeiland) February 4, 2016

The question struck me in a very emotional way, and it made me think that I am not alone in the strange fear that has overshadowed my writing lately.

Am I creative enough or do I go too far?

That might sound like a paradox, and it is.  9 times out of 10, that is the one thing that stops me in my tracks.

Creativity is a strange thing.  To some it is that spooky hand of inspiration that rarely condescends upon us mortals and grants us the glorious gift of inspiration and writing flow.  That is not what I am scared of.

Creativity and the Illusion of Originality

It isn't rare that I have an idea for a story, but what follows is pure FUD (Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt).  While the plots are never identical, it is hard to come up with a story that doesn't feel like something I have read before.  That shouldn't be a hindrance, but lately, it tends to stop me dead in my tracks.

Why do I care?  I don't know.  I really don't.  I understand that there is only one story that has ever been told, and that every story fits into that mode.  If you are generous, you can widen that out to 12, 20, or 36, but the fact is the number of possible stories is impossibly small.  But like all writers, I want to stand out.  I want people to not only like my fiction, but to love it.

I am trying to push myself to get past this and just write stories that I love, but it is hard to get through this block.

Creativity and the Curse of Too Many Ingredients

The other side of the coin is the question about how simple or complex should a story be.  When I let myself go, I get reviews that call my work dense and hard to get into.  When I simplify, I get reviews that say I didn't go far enough.

Maybe I am looking for that Goldilocks zone where I include just the right about of complexity while neither being too hot, or too cold.

I don't think that is the answer at all.  There is a difference between developing my craft as a writer, and conforming my work to an unseen audience.

Creativity and the Pure Joy of Writing

The one thing I have learned over my career is that I have to write stories I love.  Those are the stories my readers love too.  That passion flows from me into the words and worlds, and resonates with the readers.

The path beyond fear is in the stories I love to tell and sharing that passion with the world.  Only then can I write a fun story, and if they find an audience, that is a wondrous thing, but (as writers) we have to separate the audience from the work.

I would rather be unread for stories that I love than loved for a story I hate.  That is really important.

I get my fulfillment in life from telling these stories.  A fulfilling life is success greater than any other.  That is where I have to keep my eyes focused.  That is the real prize.

If you are having these same problems, let me know how you are getting through.  Are you afraid of something else?  How do you overcome your fears to find a better life?

It's time to break the chains (2016 Objectives)

I know you all are probably tired of hearing me say this, but the last couple years have been hard for me.  Depression is a thing.  As we start 2016, it is time for me to do something that I haven't done in a while, I need to set some objectives for the new year.

The break down I went through taught me a couple things.

I am stronger than I thought I was (and so are we all).You all really do care about not only what we built here, but about me. (That helped me get through more than you know.)Fandom is what I am, not just something I do.

That third one might sound strange.  In my darkest moments, I found strength not only in my faith, but in Spock, the Doctor, and my love for all things Henson.  When I didn't feel like doing anything, I would listen to Rainbow Connection, and find the strength to keep going.  BTW, I have amassed quite a collection of covers of that song.  I think my favorite is by Amanda Palmer.  She also helped more than she will ever know.  I have never met her, and I probably never will, but her book The Art of Asking, and her music was a big help.

So, having said all that, I have some objectives for this year.

Objective 1. I want to Write more

That might sound overly simple.  I am a writer after all, but with everything that has been going on, I haven't been able to write nearly as much, as I wanted.  I tied myself down with planning, and did very little writing.  I am not going to keep it that vague.

Goal 1.1 I want to post 4 Short Stories a month to Medium

There are a lot of stories in me, and I just need to tell them.  I need to stop worrying if this story or that should be a novel, a serial, a novella, novelette, or a short story.  I should tell the stories that are in my head, and then listen to you all.  If you all want me to elaborate on or extend a story, then that is probably my next novel.  After all, what good is all my writing if no one wants to read it, right?

At any rate, I feel like that will be a good way to collaborate more closely with you all.  I like the idea, and we'll see how it works out.

Goal 1.2 I want to blog more, at least 5 times a week

This is a bit harder for me.  I am so tired of the nonsense hype cycle, and I don't want to be a part of it any more, but there are a lot of things I want to share with you all and discuss.  I am going to do my best to take the time to share those thoughts.  I have to stop keeping it all inside.

Objective 2.  I want to Podcast more

I love podcasting.  I really do.  So I want to set aside the time to do it more.  I even talked Brian into joining me on the podcast again. (insert appropriate happy dance emoji here).

Goal 2.1 Record 5 podcasts a week 22-45 minutes each

Project: Shadow lives again.  More themed episodes, but I will try to have a headline section for things that are actually interesting.  I am going to need your help with this.  I have a lot of things I want to talk about, but could always use your suggestions for show topics.

Two objectives that give me three goals.  It might not sound like a lot, but that should keep me busy in 2016.  I would really like to know what you think.  What are you doing this year?  Let me know in the comments.

The Big Friendly Giant and Seed of Creativity

Steven Spielberg is making a movie of The Big Friendly Giant. (squee)

The BFG was one of my favorite books when I was a kid.  It is hard to explain how much this book means to me. 

I grew fast.  I was almost always the tallest kid in my class.  When I read this book for the first time, I found two characters I could identify with, but so much more than that, I found a world that I wanted to spend more time in.  I pretended I was the giant, and acted out not only scenes from the book, but I invented new ones.

When I was in the third grade, I volunteered to write our class play, and of course, I based it on The BFG.  It was the first thing I ever wrote.  I even starred as the BFG, and I directed the play.  I even set up a foley artist (though I didn't know that word at the time) to do sound effects off stage.

This is one of those books that had such an effect on my life that I can say I would be who I am or doing what I do without it.

Igniting your child's imagination

Books like this one have a special power over our imaginations.  They are important for children, but in many ways, they are even more important for adults.

Somewhere along the way, many of us are taught to stop playing, stop using our imagination.  We are all lessened by this.  Imagination and play are tools to not only help us relax, but also to grapple with abstract concepts and work over problems in different ways.  Play is important.

I plan to see The BFG when it comes out, and I hope it awakens parts of me that went dormant long ago.  What reawakens your sense of childlike wonder and play?  If you can't think of something, what are you going to do to try to bring it back?

What can the Skeleton Warriors of Papua New Guinea teach us about Christmas.

I didn't expect to be blown away by the sheer beauty of a people that paint themselves as skeletons, but it happened.

What is it about these men that took my breath away?

They embrace life.  To paint your body with the visage of death reminds us of the precious and fleeting nature of life.  More than that, their willingness to play with their traditional art form.  This is a quality we have lost in the us vs them culture we adopted over the last several decades.

This is most evident this time of year with some people's reaction to Christmas.

Culture, tradition, and religion

It is undeniable that Christmas has a special significance to Christians, but it is also an American cultural institution.  Movies like Elf, The Santa Clause, and Miracle on 34th Street, not to mention Rudolf, the Night Before Christmas, and A Christmas Carol, all provide secular images that have become cultural fixtures over the years.  Don't even get me started with How the Grinch stole Christmas.

My point being, while, yes, there are some cultural institutions that should be abandoned in the name of inclusion and diversity, we as a culture need to learn to play with the images we have inherited, rather than reject them all blindly.

We have lost too much of our culture to hostile copyright laws to trash what little of the public domain we have left.

If a cultural image bothers you, ask what about it is so troubling.  Is it something inherent in the image, or is it baggage you are carrying with you.

There is too much either/or thinking.

Santa Claus can be both a Christian reminder of St Nicolas of Myra, and a secular figure who sells Coca-cola.  He doesn't have to be one or the other.

If we don't learn how to reconcile the contradictions facing us in these images, we will never be able to cope with more fundamental ones like how all life is sustained by death.  Hydrogen must die to give light to the plants.  Plants and animals must die to sustain our lives.  We ignore these issues by telling ourselves that plants can't feel or think, but they still have to die.

Truth often presents itself through paradoxes.  The sooner we get comfortable with that, the sooner we will start to find peace in our hearts.

Play with your culture

If we don't play with the images we have inherited, they will go away, and if we don't make new ones, we will follow soon after.  We like to think that we are rational creatures, but we are also emotional ones.  Logic speaks to our reason, but images speak to our emotions.  For too long, we have abandoned our emotional natures to fend for themselves, gleaning what little nourishment they can from pop culture.

We are the agents of our culture.  It doesn't belong to us. It has only been entrusted to us until we leave it to the generations after.  Leave it better than it was when it was handed down to you.  Don't short circuit the culture out of some short sighted need to react to the past rather than create the future.

 

Are Pen and Dice RPGs Dead?

I hate to ask the question, but I feel like it is something I need to know.  I recently started up an Earthdawn game.  It was very impromptu.  I had an idea, I asked Brian and some friends, we rolled up characters, and away we went.

We have played three sessions, and I have to say, I am not having fun like I used to, and I am not sure if that is the problem, or if it is a sign of the problem.

The Problem is Engagement.

Isn't that always the problem...  This is the first time I have run a game since people became so addicted to their smartphones.  I have had one player watch videos on their phone during a game, and another player who was so into what he was doing on his phone he missed a major event that has changed the story for everyone.

I was a little apprehensive about writing this post.  I haven't really talked to them about it because I don't know how.  I feel like if I say anything it will sound like, "How can you not find me so entertaining that you devote all your attention to me?"   That is not how I feel and not what I want to say.

I have the same problem when I watch TV Shows with friends.  They play with their phone and let the show just be on in the background.  Then when something happens I want to talk about, they missed it, or were paying so little attention they argue that it didn't happen the way it did.  This has left me feeling like they have voted themselves out of the fandom, and now I don't know why they are there.

This same thing is happening with the game.  I feel like I am wasting my time working on the story and characters, and that I could just phone it in.  I mean, why am I not just hanging out on Twitter and Tumblr like they are.

Don't get me wrong.  This is not a problem with every player, but it is making me feel like writing certain characters out of the game, and to simplify the plot.  I don't want to do that, but the urge is there.

Attention spans aren't shorter, Imagination is thinner.

"But our attention spans are shorter."  I disagree.  While there is some research to show that our attention spans have shrunk from 12 to 8 seconds (see post),  but that isn't enough of a difference to account for this issue.  4 seconds is a large percent of change, but it isn't a lot of time in a face to face interaction.

What feels like the real problem here is that our imaginations are suffering from a drought.  We don't have to use it as much as we used to.  Everything has a picture with it.  Movies, videos, and games are all so much more visually intense. 

Pen and Dice RPGs are imagination games.  That is what makes them fun. You gather around a table with your friends and tell a story together. That is what makes this problem so infuriating. 

The Imagination Drought hits the Game

When my players sat down to make their characters, they didn't talk about what they wanted to play.  They started talking about roles (tank, DPS, healer), and were focused on stats and character sheets rather than fleshing out their characters.  I didn't receive a single Bio for the characters.  Now, I have played with these people before, and they know the kind of games I like to run (character driven), so when they treated the game like it was WoW or some other BS playground game, I just fell apart a little inside.

So the players don't know anything about their characters.  Some took no time to understand their discipline.  I have one player who cannot level up any of his powers because he hasn't taken advantage of any of the opportunities to do so...

Forget this game...

I am not sure if I am going to continue running this game, but I really do what to run a game...  Maybe something on Hangouts... but that is not something I need to be thinking about right now.

I am not even sure if I am going to be running any game any time soon.  We need to find a way to deal with this imagination deficit.  It is neither good, nor healthy for us as a species to be running around in either a rational haze or an imaginationless funk.

We have to take more time to connect with that creative spark we all have in us.  That is the only way we can grow, learn, and improve.

I refuse to believe that Pen and Dice RPGs are dead.  They will always have a devoted audience, even if it is small.  What is dead, or at the very least stagnate, are the pools of inspiration we used to draw from to fill our lives with interesting moments.

Do you think I have diagnosed the problem?  What do you think is the future of pen and dice RPGs?

What's in a name? Are they sometimes sheer vanity?

Lately, I've been having a bit of an identity crisis. Not about who I am, but about what my name should be.  

Me on my 4th Birthday

I was born Charles Eric Dorsett. For much of my early life, I bounced between Charles and Eric. Eric was the obvious choice because Charles was the name of my father and Grandfather, so people calling me Eric in the family prevented confusion.  

In school, I switched back and forth, but in middle school I switched to Eric, and have stuck with that ever since.  

Over the last couple years though, a lot has changed. I have learned to accept myself, even finally admitting to myself that I am genderqueer. Maybe it's that, or maybe it is because I am closing in on 40, but I have started to feel like Eric is someone I used to know, and not the person I am now.  

Is this just vanity?

There is a part of me that feels like it is.  I have fought so hard all my life not to care what people call me that to find myself obsessing over whether people call me Eric or Charlie strikes me as vane.  It isn't though.

The only real power we have in this world is to decide how we want to present ourselves to the world.  I won't be offended if people call me either name.  This is something I need to do for me, regardless of whether or not anyone chooses to call me Charlie or not.  This is about the label I put on myself, and how I feel about that label.

How is Charlie different from ERic?

To the people who know me, there really isn't a difference.  I have grown and changed so much, especially over the last few years, that anyone I haven't seen for a while would notice a huge difference.

I am no longer as fearful and angry.  I have found some measure of peace in my life and comfort in my own skin.  I smile more.  My sense of humor is no longer based on making fun of myself.

More than anything, I am no longer the self-destructive person I used to me.  That, more than anything else, is probably why I have been thinking about this so much lately.

This is a metamorphoses more than a reinvention.

The changes I have gone through have been slow, but steady.  I am not deciding to change who I am, I am just naming a change that has already happened.

There is nothing wrong with reinvention.  I have had a few of those in my life, but this is something different.  This is just me naming myself more honestly.

Do you understand what I am going through?  Have you ever been through something similar?  Let me know it the comments.

Firing someone for being a bigot does not violate religious liberty.

Thomas Banks is suing Ford Motor because they fired him over a homophobic tirade.  He claims that his religious freedom was violated.  He is wrong.

He wasn't fired for his beliefs, he was fired for attacking Ford Motor for being an equal opportunity employer that refused to discriminate against its employees based on sexual orientation.  This was a violation of the companies anti-harassment policy.

As a Christian, I am unaware of any commandment of Jesus for his followers to be hateful or hostile or discriminatory.  There is no justification within the faith to be uncivil.

Banks is free to believe whatever he wants.  He is free to practice his religion.  He is not free to harass fellow employees. 

I am not sure what happened to civility.  When I was growing up, I was told to be respectful to other people, and not to do anything that would hurt other people.  It breaks my heart to see this value fall out of favor, or be labeled as "political correctness."

Democracy requires an open, honest, fact-based discussion of policy.  We cannot pretend that inconvenient facts don't exist.  Homophobia has no scientific or factual basis.  There are no facts left to put on the table.  It can be upsetting when an opinion fails under the weight of the facts, but when it happens we have to accept the well reasoned case, and either change our opinions or at least understand that we have no valid argument to make anymore.

I am not sure what to do about all this.  I hope there is a path we can take back to civil public discourse, but right now I just cannot see what it is.  Do you have any thoughts?