Kendra Tierney's Blog, page 27

How I Changed My Mind About Sleep Training

There are people who have blogs who eventually learn that there are things you're just not allowed to write about on the internet: vaccines, spanking, breastfeeding in public, crying it out, etc. I am not one of those people. And I get a lot of reader questions about those things, especially about crying it out. A lot of mothers worry about sleep training. They worry that allowing their baby to cry it out will have long term adverse effects on their relationship with their child and on the child's personality and temperament. I had those same concerns as a new mom. I'm not someone who ever, ever thought I would let my baby cry. But, I changed my mind. So, here we go again.


When I was pregnant with my first, I read all the parenting books and I knew I was attachment-parenting for-evah. Because, obviously, anyone who did anything else was just not trying hard enough.

So, since God is funny, I got a baby who was a terrible, terrible sleeper even though I did all the things the books said. And, since I am stubborn, I just kept doing those things, even though they weren't working.

It took a few babies, actually, for me to figure out what works for me and my particular brand of baby.

I'm still an attachment parenting-type. I sleep with my babies, and wear them during the day, I've been able to exclusively breastfeed seven children. I find that the convenience and flexibility of attachment parenting is worth sacrificing baby-free date nights, and regular bathing, for a few months.

I cannot put my sleeping babies down. If I do, they wake up. Almost immediately. I also mostly can't nurse them to sleep in bed and sneak away from them. (Except on the day when I wrote my Day in the Life post!) I just wear or carry them all the time.


We sail right along, with them sleeping on and with me, until right around nine months. Then, for me and for my babies, it stops working. They stop being able to sleep for long periods in the carrier, and they stop sleeping well with me at night. They get reeeeeeal wiggly.

So, eventually, painfully, stubbornly, over many months and years and babies, I figured out that when the thing I was doing before stops working, I need to do something else. I need to do something that works, even if books and people on the internet try to scare me and insist that the way they do it is the only acceptable way. 
They are wrong.

That's why I'm not here to tell you to sleep train your baby. Co-sleeping and babywearing is awesome. That "parenting to sleep" thing is fine with me. If it is working for you and your baby, if you are both well-rested and functioning then keep right on keepin' on. BUT. If you and your baby are tired and grumpy, or even if you just sometimes need two hands and your back free all at the same time, or to be able to go out to dinner with your husband and not have anyone grab a handful of your potatoes . . .



I am here to tell you that, in my experience with my many children, sleep training did not make any difference in the temperament, personality, or attachment of my babies. Even when it included long periods of crying.

No difference at all. My outgoing babies were outgoing before sleep training and they were outgoing after. My reserved babies were reserved before sleep training and they were reserved after. My grumpy old man baby was still grumpy. My happiest baby on the planet is still happy.

And all of them still have a very strong attachment to me, both before and after sleep training.
Not responding to their cries while they learn to fall asleep on their own has also in no way lessened their predilection to ask for help, they pretty much do that all the livelong day. Nor has it made them withdrawn and wary of the world around them. They are very friendly and outgoing. Except for the ones who aren't. They are as God made them.


Sleep training did not make a difference for my babies, but it did make a difference for me. Once I figured out that I could get my babies to sleep in a crib, and I worked up the nerve to actually do it, it made a positive difference for me as a mother. Once I begin sleep training, I am able to get an uninterrupted, or at least a less-interrupted night's sleep. I am able to get out of survival mode in cooking, household upkeep, and meeting the needs of my other kids. I am able to spend more quality time with my husband.
Sleep training my kids has run the gauntlet from very easy to very, very hard, but every one was worth the trouble and stress it caused my husband and me at the time, because it's such a beautiful thing when it's accomplished. There are few things in the world that are better than holding a newborn baby. But also in my top ten, is putting a ten month old down to sleep . . . all by herself, and just walking away.

p.s. Just for the record, I don't have any experience with attempting to sleep train babies younger than about nine months old, so I can't speak to how that goes.

For more on this same topic, but with less-soothing pictures, see this post:

HAVE A BABY THEY SAID . . . IT WILL SLEEP LIKE A BABY THEY SAIDFor my thoughts on babywearing, see this post:
REASONS I DON'T LIKE BABYWEARING, BUT DO IT ANYWAY

Eeny Meany Miny Moe People Make Bad Choices

The recent stories of Brittany Maynard and Jennifer Lawrence are quite different in circumstance and gravity. But both women are suffering. And both have a skewed way of rationalizing what is happening to them.

My glioblastoma is going to kill me, and that's out of my control. I've discussed with many experts how I would die from it, and it's a terrible, terrible way to die. Being able to choose to go with dignity is less terrifying. . . . I believe this choice is ethical, and what makes it ethical is it is a choice.  . . . I'm dying, but I'm choosing to suffer less, to put myself through less physical and emotional pain and my family as well.

--Brittany Maynard in People Magazine 

Just because I’m a public figure, just because I’m an actress, does not mean that I asked for this. It does not mean that it comes with the territory. It’s my body, and it should be my choice, and the fact that it is not my choice is absolutely disgusting. I can’t believe that we even live in that kind of world.

--Jennifer Lawrence in Vanity Fair
Choice. We are, of course, all too familiar with "choice" as a euphemism for abortion. But now, "choice" is being championed as the trump card to make any behavior acceptable, no matter how physically or emotionally destructive it may be to the chooser.

Jennifer Lawrence very rightly feels violated by all of the people viewing pornographic photographs of her. It is wrong for nameless faceless men to be lusting after her body, separating her sexuality from the wholeness and beauty of her personhood. It's wrong, because it is WRONG. Not, as she seems to think, because it wasn't her CHOICE to allow them to do so. It would still be wrong, even if she had chosen it.

Because people make bad choices.

Brittany's situation is more grave than Jennifer's. It's more permanent as well. There is no changing your mind once you've killed yourself. She can't know what tragedy or beauty her future might hold. And even though she, just like all of us, has probably made thousands of dumb choices in her life, in this most important of circumstances, we are to believe that just having chosen to commit suicide will make suicide the right choice.

People are dumb. We are emotional, irrational, fallen creatures. We choose wrong.

We need to be admonished for our bad choices, or counseled away from them, to avoid them in the first place, rather than celebrated for making them.


People who choose suicide and pornography don't feel like they have any other options. And that's not really a choice.

Nude photos of Jennifer Lawrence were available to be stolen and distributed online because she felt that she HAD to create them. 

I started to write an apology, but I don’t have anything to say I’m sorry for. I was in a loving, healthy, great relationship for four years. It was long distance, and either your boyfriend is going to look at porn or he’s going to look at you.

--Jennifer Lawrence in Vanity Fair
That doesn't sound empowered, that sounds resigned.

And Brittany Maynard seems to believe that her life is worth less if it becomes difficult for others.

I probably would have suffered in hospice care for weeks or even months. And my family would have had to watch that. I did not want this nightmare scenario for my family, so I started researching death with dignity.

--Brittany Maynard in her CNN Op-Ed
She's not alone. A Dutch study found that social and psychologic factors (e.g. concern regarding a loss of dignity, fears of becoming a burden to others) comprised four of the five most frequently cited reasons for euthanasia requests. . . . But in an early study of desire for death among terminally ill patients in an inpatient palliative care unit, of the 200 patients interviewed, only 10 acknowledged any suicidal ideation or desire for hastened death, and all 10 of these patients were diagnosed by a psychiatrist as suffering from a major depressive disorder (based on DSM-III criteria). They reported that treatment for depression resulted in resolution of patients’ desire for death.
Treating the patients helps them. Not just supporting any old crazy thing they want to do just because they CHOOSE it.

It is a bad idea to kill oneself whether or not a person chooses to do it. It is a bad idea to make pornography whether or not a person chooses to do it.

Evil doesn't become good because it is chosen. And "choice" doesn't become a virtue by calling it one.

The Bishops Have ALWAYS Said That: Don't believe everything you read about the synod

A quick tour of recent headlines regarding the Synod . . . in which we see that folks are, as usual, flipping the flip out over nothing new.



The Globe and Mail : Bishops say homosexuals should be accepted by the Catholic church

Pope Benedict, from then-Cardinal Ratzinger's Letter to the Bishops on Homosexuality in 1986: "The Bishops have the particularly grave responsibility to see to it that their assistants in the ministry, above all the priests, are rightly informed and personally disposed to bring the teaching of the Church in its integrity to everyone.”........................
USA Today : Roman Catholic bishops in Vatican City demonstrated unprecedented tolerance toward gays, acknowledging in a newly released document that same-sex partnerships have merit.
Actual Synod document : "The Church furthermore affirms that unions between people of the same sex cannot be considered on the same footing as matrimony between man and woman. . . . Without denying the moral problems connected to homosexual unions it has to be noted that there are cases in which mutual aid to the point of sacrifice constitutes a precious support in the life of the partners. Furthermore, the Church pays special attention to the children who live with couples of the same sex, emphasizing that the needs and rights of the little ones must always be given priority."
......................
News.yahoo.com : Bishops say gays have gifts to offer church
Catechism of the Catholic Church 2358 : "The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God's will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord's Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition."
.....................
ThinkProgress : A Pastoral Earthquake, Catholic church proposes extraordinary shift on gays and lesbians
The "Pastoral Earthquake" quote comes from . . . wait for it . . . a GUY with a BLOG who said it. Think Progress is quoting a guy with a blog who read the document.

Hey! I've got a blog! I read the document! Quote me! 
Here's one: Worry not. I have it on good authority that the gates of hell won't prevail against us.

Simma down now everybody. Simma down.
You can read the text of the document for yourself here:Synod on Family: Midterm report presented, 2015 Synod announced
And this is a REALLY good explanation of what is NOT happening here by George Weigel (maybe you've heard of him?): The Great Catholic Cave-In that Wasn’t

Giant Baby Terrorizes Town, Gets VIP Seats to Beatification: Where Was Lulu Part IV

Okay, so where were we? Flew to Barcelona, saw modern masterpiece; went to Lourdes, prayed for intentions; went to Torreciudad, saw mosaic of Virgin Mary on her iPhone . . . which means . . .

LOOK OUT TINY TOURISTS! THERE'S A GIANT BABY IN FRONT OF THE BASILICA-CATHEDRAL OF OUR LADY OF THE PILLAR!


It's a basilica AND a cathedral. And it's in Zaragoza, which was our next stop.

The Basilica venerates Blessed Virgin Mary, under her title Our Lady of the Pillar, praised as Mother of the Hispanic Peoples by Pope John Paul II. It is reputed to be the first church dedicated to Mary in history. According to ancient local tradition, soon after the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus, Saint James was preaching the Gospel in Spain, but was disheartened because of the failure of his mission. Tradition holds that on 2 January 40 AD, while he was deep in prayer by the banks of the Ebro, the Mother of God appeared to him and gave him a small wooden statue of herself and a column of jasper and instructed him to build a church in her honor: This place is to be my house, and this image and column shall be the title and altar of the temple that you shall build. (from wikipedia)

So THAT'S pretty cool. First church dedicated to Mary in history. If you're there at the right time of day, they've got a guy who will bring your baby up to touch the statue. Which seems odd, but we would have totally done it. Alas, we were not there during the hand-your-baby-to-a-guy window, so we just got to look at her.


And around back, you can actually kiss the actual pillar, if you can squeeze your face in there. It's a bit of a challenge because it's a small opening, and the stone has been worn away over the centuries. But we all managed, even Lulu.

Also awesome: During the Spanish Civil War of 1936–1939 three bombs were dropped on the church but none of them exploded. Two of them are still on show in the Basilica. And if you look in the upper left corner of this fresco by Goya, you can see where one came through!


The architecture of the church (not the original built on this site, of course) is very impressive, and unusually colorful. And it's enormous.


After Zaragoza, we spent the evening in Barbastro, and the night in an area hotel that was way too cool for me.

Apparently, boutique hotel-types are willing to sacrifice privacy for style.


Yep, ALL bathroom doors were clear glass. And that's all I'm going to say on the subject. 
Lulu was such a little trooper. She wasn't getting nearly as much sleep as she usually does at home. And every morning we had to wake her up from a deep sleep, which is one of my least favorite things to do. But she was her usual smiley self.

Eventually, we arrived at our final destination: Madrid!
We did some walking around . . . admiring Spanish culture, and snack food choices.

(I still haven't found my other memory card, so we have maybe 100 total photos from this trip. And that's THREE of them that are pictures of bathrooms and meat cones. It's an improbably high percentage.)
In the end, Lulu opted for a different snack, provided to us by our very gracious hostess, Mar. We got to stay with a family in Madrid, who are friends of a friend, and, really, I did not know hospitality before this. She thought of everything. She even read my blog, found out I like Dr. Pepper, and got some for me. In Spain. Where Dr. Pepper isn't even a thing. And the cutest cookies ever for Lulu.


Okay, Madrid touristy things:

We went to the Royal Monastery of Saint Elizabeth in Madrid and saw this sixteenth-century wooden figure of Baby Jesus, of whom St. Josemaria was a big fan. Lulu agreed.


She was so excited she had to take a quick nap in Plaza Mayor while I did a little souvenir shopping.


We also saw the Madrid Cathedral, which was very colorful inside. Lulu seemed to like it, but, really there's no accounting for her. She likes EVERYTHING.


The next day we went to el Prado for some art appreciatin.' See?


Then, finally, came the big day of the beatification of Bishop Alvaro del Portillo, successor to St. Josemaria, the founder of Opus Dei, an organization within the Catholic Church that promotes the sanctity of work and encourages the laity to strive for personal holiness. (If you've heard all sorts of crazy stuff about Opus Dei, here's where I cleared some of that up.)
It was amazing. There were over 200,000 people there, from all over the world. Many in big, boisterous, flag-waving, groups. Some in very elaborate traditional costumes.
The ceremony was set up down a very long boulevard in a new area of town that is still under construction. The streets were finished, but no buildings have been built. Sections were labeled A through J and stretched back for ever and ever away from the big altar at the front. We were in section I, so nearly all the way in the back. We really couldn't even see where the altar WAS, let alone what was happening upon it, but there were screens set up all over, so us folks in the cheap seats could watch the proceedings. (Figure of speech. All the seats were free.)

Here's where we were, taking a photo in front of the screen, when a priest motioned us over to ask if we were with a group. We told him that, yes, we were with a group from Los Angeles. He said that was too bad, because he had two tickets for the front section. But only two. Oh, GROUP? No, we're not with a group. (Again. I kid.)

So, after quite a long walk, we found ourselves with quite a bit better view of the proceedings.

The ceremony was lovely. Especially moving was the moment when they revealed the giant official portrait from behind its curtain. then a boy and his parents brought up the relic of Blessed Alvaro. He was the boy who, as a newborn, recovered from a fatal heart attack after his parents prayed for the intercession of Bishop Alvaro, and was the miracle for the beatification. It was great. As was the Mass of Thanksgiving the next day, Sunday. 
And that was it. We headed home. The highlight of the return journey was waiting in the customs line at LAX with Brian Shaw, the two-time and reigning World's Strongest Man. He and Lulu really hit it off.

And THIS is how we all felt when we got home. (Bobby's welcome home poster was strangely prescient.) Grrr. . . . 

We got back at about 9pm on Monday and put Lulu straight to bed. She slept through the night until about 7am. I put her back down for a morning nap at 9am and she slept all day long until I woke her up at 5pm. Then I put her back down a 7pm and she slept all night again! She clearly had some catching up to do. But it was a great trip, and she did so well, and I'm really glad I didn't wean her quite yet.
And now, for the big winners! 
Two people guessed RIGHT off the bat that we were going to Madrid for the beatification, and it's my blog and I get to pick so they are the winners!
Theresa from Ordinary Lovely, you are the Facebook winner and MPHELPS84, you are the Instagram winner. Congratulations! Please send me your mailing address to catholicallyear@gmail.com and I'll send you your goodies!

And, jeannemp, we were going to pray for each other, that I'd find my camera's memory card and that you'd find the St. Peregrine medal that you wanted to send to a girl who has cancer. Well, look what I found in MY house:

It was my husband's while he was going through cancer, but it's been lost for who knows how long, and just turned up! Since he's been cancer-free for many years now, we'd be happy to pass it along. Please send me your address, or the girl's, and I'll put it in the mail.
And if my memory card shows up at your house, do please send it to me.

Good News Guys, I'm Selling Out

And I want you to come with me.
The good folks at Netflix Streaming invited me to join their team and write monthly about Netflix shows. So, since I was already doing that for free, I said okay.
Once a month, I'll be regaling you with thoughts about movies and TV shows we've watched as a family, or that I've watched alone on my iPad, hiding from my kids . . . not eating cookies, because they can smell cookies and will come to investigate. (Ask me how I know.)

And in case you, also, like to watch things with your kids, or hiding from your kids, I'm going to make the first one a link up. It will go live at 10pm PST next Saturday.

You can write about any movies or TV shows, yours don't have to be available on Netflix. Because YOU don't have to answer to the man. That's just me. But if you DO want to write about stuff on Netflix, that would be great, because I could use the suggestions.


To tide you over, here are some of my previous posts, about Netflix shows I like and don't like. (Look out, hand that feeds me.)
AN OPEN LETTER TO BREAKING BAD AND FLANNERY O'CONNORHOW A SHOW ABOUT ZOMBIES HELPED ME RECOVER FROM HAVING WATCHED THAT SHOW ABOUT METH DEALERSI DISCOVER DOCTOR WHOI'M NOT GOING TO LET CALL THE MIDWIFE SCAM ME ANYMORE

An InLinkz Link-up

Our Lady of Blessed Multitasking While Parenting, Don't Fail Us Now: Where Was Lulu Part III

If you missed Part I (in which I learn that not all modern architecture remind me of jello jigglers) and Part II (in which I wax poetic about Lourdes) of the recap, you already missed my favorite part of the trip. Today, you'll get to see my SECOND favorite part, though, so that's not too bad.

It's a nice mosaic, right? I mean, who doesn't like the Holy Family out for a little stroll?


But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After Lourdes, we headed off to another, lesser-known Marian apparition site, dating back to the eleventh century: Our Lady of Torreciudad. The Shrine is very, very big and very, very brick.


Inside it are all sorts of interesting things, including a very big altar piece housing a very small Our Lady of Torreciudad statue, and an impressive collection of statues of Our Lady from all over the world.


So there I was, just sitting in a little side chapel devoted to the Holy Family, minding my own business. Ya know, just being prayerful and whatnot, admiring the mosaic scenes from the childhood of Jesus.

Scenes like this one, in which Our Lady is snapping a quick photo of little J on her iPhone 6 so she can share it on Instagram. #callmeblessed #greatthings


Amirite?

This chapel was finished in 1975. The iPhone was introduced in 2007. So EITHER the artist was a prophet who somehow knew that eventually we moms would really appreciate FINALLY having a depiction of the Blessed Virgin to whom we could relate, or . . . that gold stripe is just the edging of Our Lady's mantle.

But once you see the iPhone, you can't EVER not see the iPhone.


Our Lady of Blessed Multitasking While Parenting, Pray for Us.

(h/t to Laura at Mothering Spirit for coming up with the perfect title for this image when I posted it on Facebook!)

Stay tuned, unless you're sick of this, in which case . .  . I'm almost done. Just one more stop before Madrid, and the main event, for which we had MUCH better seats than we deserved. And SOMEONE is going to WIN #whereislulu. I said there would be prizes, and prizes there will be!

Why We Love Lourdes (and a prayer request): Where Was Lulu Part II

Our family has a very special devotion to Our Lady of Lourdes. My parents volunteer there for a service week each year, my kids love the CCC cartoon about St. Bernadette, and, oh yeah, we believe that my husband is alive because of her intercession. So, even though we have been before, it was a joy to get to visit Lourdes again.

After Barcelona, and its amazing Gothic and Modern wonders, we headed to the Sanctuary at Lourdes, for Lulu's second visit, which is, admittedly, pretty ridiculous. It's an embarrassment of riches. She really has no excuse not to be a beacon of sanctity for her generation. But no pressure.

We arrived in the evening, just in time for the Candlelight Rosary Procession.


I love everything about Lourdes. I love that it's pretty and it's quiet and it feels set apart. I love that it has beautiful buildings made by man and beautiful surrounding made by God. I love seeing all the pilgrims, but especially the sick ones. So often the weakest among us are unseen, hidden away in houses or facilities, but at Lourdes that's not the case. I love that everywhere you go you must make way for sick pilgrims in their chairs, being pushed by helpers.

I love that it is a place of quiet reflection but also a place of accomplishment. Mostly, when we visit a religious site, it's . . . wander into the church, have a look around, snap some pictures, kneel down and say some prayers . . . that's pretty much it. But at Lourdes, there are Things to DO. Drink the water, check. Go to Mass, check. Go to confession, check.  Get dunked in the baths, check. Tour that basilica, and that one, and that other one over there, check. Walk the way of the cross, check. And my favorite thing, the candlelight procession, check. It's just all so rewarding.



"While walking" is my favorite way to pray. Add beautiful surroundings, candlelight, and thousands of other people, praying alongside me, and, wow. It's really a thing to behold.

After not much sleep at all in a very lovely little hotel, the husband offered to stay back so Lulu could sleep in, while I went to an early Mass and prayed for your intentions at the Grotto. It was a beautiful experience.

On very short notice, I offered on Facebook and Instagram to take your intentions with me (but I didn't tell you where) and I was blown away by the response. In just a few hours I had hundreds of comments and emails with prayer requests. I hand copied out each one until I had TEN PAGES of intentions to bring to Our Lady in the Grotto.


I got to kneel there, all by myself (which NEVER happens) and pray for each and every one of those intentions, then I got to leave them inside the grotto for Our Lady. I took them to her and she took it from there. And so far, the reports are pretty great. I've received some very lovely emails about prayers answered.

So hurray for that.

Speaking of prayer intentions, one that I took along with me was for Mary Lenaburg and her family. Mary is a true beacon of light in a sometimes dark world. For many years, on her blog Passionate Perseverance, Mary has courageously and joyfully shared the life of her special needs daughter, Courtney. Courtney is now nearing death, and the Lenaburgs must not only plan, but also pay for a funeral for their daughter.


That's on top of their ongoing medical expenses. In addition, Mary's husband is facing a probable layoff from his job at the end of this month, and their home's sewer line has collapsed, leaving them with almost no access to water and a hefty repair bill.

Please, pray for the Lenaburg family: Jerry, Mary, Jonathan, and Courtney. And please consider making a donation to help them manage the tens of thousands of dollars in expenses they have this month.
If you are able to help, you can donate via paypal by clicking through to Mary's blog. Or via Go Fund Me here.
And I'll see you tomorrow for what was definitely the most surprising part of our trip . . . 
P.S. The Chocolate Chip Rosary extravaganza today for the Feast of Our Lady of the Rosary was the. best. I love, love, loved seeing all of your smiling little kiddos with their chocolate chip rosaries on Facebook and Instagram. How cool is it to be Catholic?!

Where Was Lulu? All Your Questions Answered. Well, some of them, anyway. This is Part I.

It was Spain. That's where Lulu was. And a little bit France, but mostly Spain.

As you may recall, the whole family was in France just last spring. So we didn't really intend to go back to Europe this year, but the husband was invited to be a part of a delegation going from Los Angeles on this trip to Spain for the beatification of (now) Blessed Alvaro del Portillo. And I'm Jim's plus one. So, off we went.

There was some hang-wringing on my part about whether or not to bring Lulu. She's ten months old and a great sleeper-in-cribs and a terrible sleeper-in-public. She just can't bear the idea of depriving anyone of her company. She's still a good nurser, but she's also an amazing eater of table foods, including stuff none of my other babies could eat at her age and with no teeth. I think she would have been okay, and gotten a lot more sleep, if I had left her behind. But when push came to shove . . . I just didn't want to. So she came with us, too.

And she did great, all things considered. She's a really easy baby, and playing #whereislulu with you guys ended up being a ton of fun.


My parents are amazing, and generously offered to watch the other kids for us.

One note before we start. Remember how I said I had this great system for using Instagram with my new wifi memory card? And how the only problem was that to keep from uploading all my vacation photos onto the iPad, I was going to use two memory cards? Well, it worked great. The whole trip, I just kept the extra memory card in its little case in the outer pocket of my purse. Mostly I shot photos on the standard card, but each day, I switched it out and took a few on the wifi card, so that once I had internet access, I could upload just those photos, and share a couple on Instagram and Facebook.

Everything went just according to plan, right up until this evening, when I reached in to that pocket in my purse and came out empty handed. So far, I have managed not to cry OR have a heart attack. But I'm bummed to be missing 80% of my photos from the trip.

If you would help me pester Blessed Alvaro and St. Anthony about it, I would be grateful. I'm still hopeful it will turn up somewhere in the house. And while we're at it, please say a quick prayer for Jim, he has an important meeting today.

But, the silver lining is, that I have considerably fewer photos than usual to edit and throw at y'all. Let's get started.

The journey began, where journeys so often do . . . at LAX. Lulu thought her passport was very tasty.


We had a quick layover in Newark, where I had to buy diapers at an airport gift shop, as if I'm NOT a person who travels with babies ALL THE TIME and writes oft-pinned blog posts doling out advice on the subject. Anyway, in case I wasn't clear on that before, when traveling by air with a baby, you really should bring diapers with you. Quite a few of them, actually.


That taken care of, we set off for Barcelona. Lulu and I had a bulkhead seat, but the husband was waaaaaaaaay in the back, because normally you have to pay to upgrade to the bulkhead row. So it was her and me. And the two businessmen next to us. It was a long flight, just over seven hours, but Lulu slept for less than two. She spent the rest of the time frantically trying to get the attention of her fellow passengers. She just couldn't believe they would want to sleep through all the great stuff she was doing. It really is the craziest age to try to travel. And I MAY have wasted a good portion of her sleep watching a movie I didn't even like. But Lulu arrived chipper, as usual . . . if a tad bit suspicious of Catalan.



We got right to touristing. In our jammies. Because we were with a tour group, and that was the plan. I had never done a group tour before, usually I'm the trip planner and tour guide. It was really great to have a guide with us and a driver to get us everywhere, but I did miss the flexibility of doing things on our own. We visited IESE, a business school in Barcelona with a excellent reputation, lovely views of the city, and very comfy chairs.


Then, we saw the Cathedral of the Holy Cross and Saint Eulalia, also known as Barcelona Cathedral, a Gothic style cathedral and the seat of the Archbishop of Barcelona, Spain.



It was Gothic all right. It's so interesting to me how similar the edifice of this cathedral is to the Gothic cathedrals we saw in France. I guess fads are just THAT ingrained in human nature. Carved transepts and pokey spires were the skinny jeans of the 15th century. Everybody was doing it.


The next day we were in Barcelona again. The highlight of the day and, for me, the highlight of the trip was our visit to Sagrada Familia. I was stunned and moved by this masterpiece of modern art by devout Catholic and architectural genius Antonio Gaudi. And boy was I not expecting to be. Everyone calls it a "modern masterpiece," but you hear that term bandied about quite a bit. Gaudi is called a visionary. He was a post-modernist before modernism was even a thing. Well, a postmodernist Spanish architect (not Gaudi, of course) designed the LA Cathedral, and he made it completely devoid of right angles, and, um, beautiful-ness.


Jim's home parish in Chicago is 60's era modernist . . . um, not-masterpiece. When I look at its stained glass windows, my thoughts don't go to Heaven, so much as to jello jigglers.

So, I did not have high hopes.

But.

Wow.



It turns out that it's not that I don't like modern art. It's that I don't like BAD modern art. Every detail means something. Everything is an attempt at a vision of Heaven. Yes, it's different than anyone else's vision. It's utterly unique, and it's challenging. But it's beautiful. I was especially entranced by the way the colors flow from one window to the next. It felt almost as though they were swirling around.


Construction of the cathedral began in 1882, and they are still hard at work. They expect to be finished in 2026, the hundredth anniversary of Gaudi's death. God willing, we'll go back again after its completion. It's that good.

Okay, enough for today, yes? Come back next time for candlelight processions, giant babies, and my new favorite title of Mary: Our Lady of Blessed Multi-Tasking While Parenting. . . . You won't want to miss it.

Mailbag: How Do You Stop the Fighting? (and a liturgical year heads up)

Question: How do you stop the fighting between your kids? What do you do with them? I've tried many things like separation, spanking (which I hate but it sure works on my older one!), toys taken away, stickers toward new toy for good behavior, etc. but I get the impression I'm losing the battle. I have no clue how to deal with their fighting. Sometimes I wonder if their personalities are just irreconcilable. 


Answer: This is a problem every family with more than one kid faces. Every. One. So don't think you're in this alone. We deal with it almost every day. My boys, especially, are challenged by the prospect of sitting next to one another in the car. Being made to hold up the roof of the van is a pretty effective deterrent in the short term, but so far we haven't been able to cure them of needing the consequences. We're still working on it. 
Your girls are still young, but my five and almost three year olds do play together, or at least side by side, for most of the morning while the other kids do school. So, for us, it's been possible to have kids that age learn to mostly get along. What I try to focus on is creating camaraderie between the kids. 
We remind them that they are on Team Kid and we are on Team Grownup. I want them to feel a bit of "us against them." Sibling fighting seems to wax and wane around here, sometimes it's worse than others. In bad times, we separate kids for individual chats with Mom and Dad and actually remind them how important it is to be loving and respectful toward their siblings, because these are the people God has decided to stick them with for their WHOLE LIVES. 

When kids are fighting, I spend almost no time trying to figure out who is at fault. My priority is almost always to set consequences that encourage kids to work things out on their own and to purposefully discourage tattling. Unless something is "dangerous or destructive," I won't listen to tattling. Mostly, if kids are fighting, it's a little bit everyone's fault, so usually everyone shares in the consequences. If a particular toy is creating unhappiness, I take it. I say, "If that's going to be a source of sadness, it's going to go away. Either you can take turns or one of you can find something else to play with, or no one gets it." One warning, then it happens. If there is general bickering, I say, "I don't want to listen to you fight. If you can't get along, you're both going . . . " outside, to separate corners, to separate rooms, etc. One warning, then it happens. The point is to create a perception that being together is where the fun happens, and being apart is no fun.

We don't allow our older kids to just shun each other. They GET to play together, but also they MUST play together. We incentivize it a bit by requiring screen time to be with at least two people. They need to agree on what to watch or play and then be respectful of one another while doing it.
I think it's a good idea to create a feeling of responsibility in older kids. They need to feel like helping look after younger siblings, and keeping them happy, is their job. Obviously, how easily this works is going to depend a lot on temperaments, but it's possible. They need to understand that sometimes it's just in their best interest to let little sister have that thing, because otherwise they're both going to have to go outside. It builds character. But I also mindfully avoid undermining the older sibling, when they are trying to properly use their bit of authority. So if little sister is crying and big sister says, "I told her if she hit the dog with the recorder again I was going to take it away, and she did, so I did." Then I'm going to say, "Big sister is right, we don't hit the dog. I'm going to put this away until you can remember how to play with it."

I avoid charts and reward systems, because they don't work for me in the long term. I have had more success with just addressing the issues immediately as they arise. If I were starting from scratch, I'd sit my kids down and say, "Okay, I've been noticing that you two are sometime having trouble getting along. This is something that we are going to work hard to change. God made you sisters on purpose and you need to learn to play nicely together. You are the big sister, and you need to look out for your little sister and make sure she has things she likes to play with because she is littler than you. . . . You are the little sister, and you need to listen when your big sister gives you good advice and not be destructive or pesky. If you fight over a toy, I am going to take that toy away to keep you from fighting. If you can't play nicely together, you'll sit in corners separately." Then I would just be really, really consistent about following through with it. Calm but firm, calm but firm, calm but firm.

My kids really do get along pretty darn well, considering that there are a lot of people living here in this house together. We've never had anyone physically hurt in anger. But, of course, we each have our own moods and preferences and pet peeves to work through.

In my experience, this isn't an issue that is "solved." It's just something you manage, long term, over the course of your parenting.

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And just a quick heads up on upcoming feasts . . .

Tomorrow, October 4th, is St. Francis of Assisi, Frankie's name day! Many parishes offer a blessing of the animals, but you can also just throw some holy water at your pets at home, and ask St. Francis to ask God to look after them for you.



And next Tuesday, October 7th, Our Lady of the Rosary, is a very popular day at the Tierney house. We always have an edible rosary of some kind. I've made a giant cupcake rosary to take to the park and share with other families. (Tracy from A Slice of Smith Life recently shared with me a photo of her awesome donut and donut hole rosary, love it!) But when it's just us, each kids gets to make and have his own chocolate chip rosary. No stress, no prep, it's stuff I have in my house, and it's sweet and memorable without making everyone totally bonkers.



And, from the archives, here's how we manage a family rosary . . .

HOW WE SAY A FAMILY ROSARYHave a lovely weekend!

Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, nor am I an official spokesperson for the Catholic Church. (You're thinking of this guy.) If you read anything on this blog that is contrary to Church teaching, please consider it my error (and let me know!). I'm not a doctor or a child psychologist or an expert on anything in particular. I'm just one person with a lot of experience parenting little kids and a desire to share my joy in marriage, mothering, and my faith.

If you've got a question, please send it along to catholicallyear @ gmail . com . Please let me know if you prefer that I change your name if I use your question on the blog.

All the Winners! (and happy feast day to you)

Hey all! The husband, the baby, and I are back from our sojourn in Spain (and a little France). It was a wonderful trip. Details are forthcoming. But first, here are all the winners of my birthday week giveaway!


First up, the Sacro Cross giveaway . . . 


The winner is: Neely of the blog Ten for Joy! I don't have your email address, so please email me so I can forward your contact information to Francisco at Sacro and you can choose your lovely prize! (You have until Friday at midnight to claim your prize or I'll choose another winner.)
Next, the St. Joseph Capella CD . . . 

The winner is: Cecilia of the blog Catholic Stitches! I sent you an email, and you should be hearing from Teresa, member of St. Joseph Capella, soon.
The year's subscription to St. Mary's Messenger Magazine . . . 

The winner is Amanda of the blog Little Junkles! I sent you an email, and you should be hearing from the publisher soon.
If you didn't win, a subscription is very affordable, and I recommend it! I don't know how to put this other than to say that I don't think the cover art is representative of the content of the magazine. Inside you'll find photography and illustrations and professional layouts that make the articles featuring poetry, catechism, crafts, literature, and science feel appealing and accessible to kids of a wide range of ages.
The Whole Family Goods gift certificate . . . 

The winner is Maggie! You won by following me on Instagram, which seems like a small price to pay for the handmade cuteness that will now be yours. Seriously, check out this skirt. I want one in my size. 

Check your email, you should have one from me! And Nell will contact you soon.
And finally, the Ignatius Press giveaway . . . 

Tacy of the blog Standing on My Own Two Feet! You've got an email from me, and you should be hearing from Rose at Ignatius Press.
Thanks for all the birthday wishes! I hope you won something, but if you didn't, I hope you'll consider picking something up for yourself. I think you'll be glad you did.

Trip details and the winner of the #whereislulu contest will be coming up soon!

Happy Feast of the Guardian Angels to you!


Have you hugged YOUR guardian angel today? As part of our morning prayers each day we say the Guardian Angel Prayer, then we say good morning to our guardian angel, then we say good morning to someone else's guardian angel. Then, sometimes, we end up in a heap on the floor from overzealous hugging. But that's not the point. The point is, say hi to your guardian angel. It's his special day!