Kendra Tierney's Blog, page 21

Irish Songs of Drinking and Rebellion for Kids (with free playlist and printables)

I grew up listening to showtunes and pop music. I am still pretty partial to both. But, ya know, ya get married and are introduced to whole new worlds you never even knew existed. Like Irish Folk music, for instance. I wasn't aware of any such thing until I met my husband, a Chicago Southside Irish-type.
I was, um, surprised and amused by the subject matter of many of the songs. They sing about love and romance and unicorns, some. But mostly they sing about wars and fist fights and sports and shipwrecks and starving and getting thrown into jail because of untoward young ladies, and whiskey. They sing about whiskey a LOT.
Anyway, I've grown to really love Irish folk music in spite of and because of all its craziness. And my kids have grown up loving it. Bobby's rendition of Whiskey You're the Devil at the Hooley (our big St. Patrick's Day party) when he was five was really one for the ages.
Most of the songs are amusing, and crack the kids up. But they can also be poignant and moving. They do sometimes address sophisticated subject matter, but not in a way that makes me uncomfortable, and mostly there are appropriate consequences for bad behavior. Except for the whiskey drinking, they just unapologetically support doing quite a bit of that. But, so far, I haven't found that listening to Irish Folk music has made my kids big whiskey drinkers. I'll keep you posted, though.
So I'm figuring maybe, just maybe, these songs are missing from your lives. And the lives of your children. I want to help you fix that, by giving you a little playlist to enjoy. And maybe play at your St. Patrick's Day party or tea party play date. 
Then, once you come to love them like we do, you can come back here and grab the printables I made featuring our favorite songs, so you can use them to decorate the Irish Pub-themed playroom you'll be sure to want to install.
The playlist is on Spotify. If you're logged in to your account, you can just hit play and start listening. If you don't have an account yet, you can head over to Spotify to sign up. It's free if you don't mind listening to an ad every few songs. Or you can get a premium membership, and go commercial-free.


If the player doesn't work for you, here's a link; Hooley at the Tierneys': the soundtrack

That's over two hours worth of songs (and growing with all your good suggestions!), and we like 'em all. But, I was working on some decorations for this year's Hooley, featuring a few of our VERY favorites, so here they are.
The Wild Colonial Boy


Whiskey You're the Devil

Tim Finnegan's Wake


Courtin' in the Kitchen(in which I first heard of a Hooley)


Bould Thady Quill


Black Velvet Band


You're welcome to right click and save any of these images. You may print them for your own personal use or as gifts. You can upload them to photo labs, like Shutterfly or Costco or Target, and have them printed there. You can get them made into pillows at Tiny Prints (that's what *I'm* doing, I can't wait to see what they look like!). You are also welcome to use them on your blog, just please link back to my blog. If you wish to download them to use in a product to sell, please contact me.

Did you enter the giveaway at the St. Patrick's Day Tea Party Play Date post? There are still a couple of days left to enter to win the entire collection of CCC of America's Saint's and Heroes animated films.

What is Spiritual Direction, and How Can I Get It?

There are a few mailbag questions that keep popping up again and again, but this is the one I get the most frequently. I reply privately to many mailbag questions, but I think it's time to put this answer here on the blog, in case it would be of interest to anyone else.

The Question:
The Answer:Spiritual direction is getting good advice from a Catholic you trust. Period. Spiritual direction can be given by a priest, a member of a religious community, or a lay person. It can be used to help a person discern a vocation to religious life, but it can also be used by married or single people who want to grow in their faith and make good decisions in their personal and professional lives.

In many ways spiritual direction, especially when given by a priest, is like an extension of the counseling a penitent receives during the sacrament of penance, but without the line of people waiting outside the door for their turn.

I have had different types of spiritual directors, and they've been good in different ways. I've seen a couple of different priests, I'm seeing a priest now, but I have also met with a mother of nine. She was really helpful with family stuff, but I have ended up preferring a priest in general. A bonus of seeing a priest is that I can have confession alongside spiritual direction. But anyone whose opinion you trust and respect can be your spiritual director. The person doesn't have to have taken vows. Of course, you want to be careful to find someone who is going to give you advice that's both practical to your state in life AND faithful to the teachings of the Catholic Church. That's not always a given, no matter where you're looking.

A quick, insider way to know if a particular priest is going to be a good spiritual director is to look at how often he offers confession in his parish. You want to find someone who has a love for and devotion to ALL the sacraments, including confession. And time spent hearing confessions and giving advice to penitents, usually makes for excellent spiritual direction.

If you're wondering where to start your search for a spiritual director, the best spiritual direction I've found personally has come through Opus Dei. Spiritual direction is a focus of their organization. Sometimes Opus Dei can be hard to track down. Not because it's secretive, but because it's all organized very locally, so it's not like trying to find a fabric store, it's like trying to find a sewing circle. You kind of have to talk to people. If you email me with your location, I can see if I can help. The Ignatian order also has a great devotion to providing spiritual direction. But again, it can be any trusted priest, member of a religious community, or lay person.

St. John Paul II's first spiritual director was the town tailor. Not because he was a tailor, of course, but because he was a holy man, living out his faith. A good, knowledgeable Catholic, can help you become a good, knowledgeable Catholic. And can give you support and accountability.

Anyway, if you already have someone in mind, whether it's a priest or just another Catholic mom whose family and spiritual life you admire, then just ask. You can just say you were wondering if he or she would be available to meet once or twice a month and be your spiritual director, to help guide you in your formation and help you make good decisions. If you meet with a priest, it would usually be in a church or other non-secluded place, often even in a confessional. If you meet with a lay woman, it could be anywhere. You can meet for lunch or coffee or, if you've got kids, at a playground.

I'd recommend that you read Introduction to the Devout Life, if you're looking for good spiritual direction advice. At each meeting, you probably want to come prepared to discuss three topics, like "making time for prayer," "not yelling so much," "relationship with brother," or whatever, then you just talk about them. Hopefully she (or he) would be able to give you some ideas of small things to work on until the next meeting, but you are not bound to obedience to your spiritual director unless you specifically take a vow of obedience to him/her. I've never done that.

It's worked well for me to have a set date, like every third Thursday at 7pm at the coffee shop. If I have to call to set up a date every time, meetings end up few and far between.

You may also enjoy:
This Just Might Be the Best Defense of Catholicism Since AquinasI'm on a Retreat Right Now: Here's HowWhat Opus Dei Isn't


Mailbag Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, nor am I an official spokesperson for the Catholic Church. (You're thinking of this guy.) If you read anything on this blog that is contrary to Church teaching, please consider it my error (and let me know!). I'm not a doctor or an expert on anything in particular. I'm just one person with a lot of experience parenting little kids and a desire to share my joy in marriage, mothering, and my faith.
If you've got a question, please send it along to catholicallyear @ gmail . com . Please let me know if you prefer that I change your name if I use your question on the blog.

Liturgical Living for Beginners: A St. Patrick's Day Tea Party Play Date, with help from me and CCC

It's March! Spring is in sight (at least in California), we are mostly in the swing of Lent (however much that's possible, anyway), and around the Tierney gaff, it's time to get super excited for the upcoming feasts this month.

Because if there's anything better than a feast day, it's a feast day that falls during Lent. Amirite?

Getting started with liturgical living in the home can feel like a really daunting task. It did for me, anyway. But if you're just starting out, Lent is the perfect time to give it a go. We're all in this one together, after all. Lent is a great time to share a fast or a feast with family or friends or neighbors.

We throw a HUGE Saint Patrick's Day party every year . . . but I know that's not for everyone. And I didn't start out throwing huge parties for everyone we know. Before that I threw dinner parties, and barbeques, and . . . liturgically-themed play dates. Just a couple other moms, their kids . . . a couple of snacks, an activity, and a book or movie about the saint. If you've never done ANY liturgical living in the home, this is a GREAT way to start.


I'm going to talk you through it step by step.

- the guests -Probably, you're going to want people to come to your party. So, you're going to want to invite them. I've done play dates like this for as few as three and as many as thirty kids. I think ideal is around six to ten kids. Evite is great for keeping track of people, but for something like this, I find a good old-fashioned email is just as good, maybe better. You can just type up the what, when, where and send it, or, if you're feeling fancy, you can make your own invitation image in Picmonkey, and email that.

Or you can use this one . . .


If you right click on it, and save the image to your computer, you can then pull it up in Picmonkey and type in the text you want to add, save it again, then email it out.

Or ya know, just print it out, write on it with a pen, and hand it to people. Up to you.

- the craft - I like to have a little craft available to do as families are arriving. It can be a simple coloring page and some crayons . . .
found here
Or something a little more involved. Sarah at Two Os Plus More featured a very cute Trinity Shamrock craft last year, that would be perfect . . . 

- the snacks -Kids like snacks. Everyone likes snacks. In fact, the food is where I'm always tempted to get carried away. There are always so many cute ideas out there. But too many choices is overwhelming for little kids, and a lot of work for hostesses. Usually one beverage choice plus water, and three to four food choices is plenty.
For St. Patrick's Day, I always like to serve tea, since it's so very Irish. And in our house, not to mention in Ireland, tea is not just for girls. Boys can drink tea, too.
found hereMy own kids drink quite a lot of tea, but for their friends it's usually a fun novelty. I usually choose two different types of decaf tea, in flavors kids would recognize (like mint and lemon), and put them in two tea pots. If I'm feeling particularly brave, I serve the kids in real tea cups, or sometimes we ask guests to bring a cup and saucer from home. Sometimes we just serve our guests in sturdy disposable cups.
Sugar cubes and cream are always a big hit.
Of course, you could always go with limeade, or any green beverage, instead. Although that would make it rather less like a tea party.
For the food, I make Irish Soda Bread, from a recipe my mother in law gave me . . .
It's very similar to this recipe from King Aurthur Flour.And shamrock-shaped tea sandwiches . . . 
found hereMost of my kids actually LIKE cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches. But I'd probably make some pb&j versions as well.
And some fruit-kebab rainbows . . . 
found hereAnd a pot of gold(fish crackers) . . . 

That's what *I* would do. But if you read my blog with any regularity, you'll know I am nothing if not an over-doer of things.

Green juice, goldfish crackers, maybe some grapes . . . would totally get the job done. Kids would love it. Give my kids store-bought shamrock cookies and they'd love you forever.- the entertainment -After snack time, I like to have some sort of saint-themed entertainment for the kids. We have quite a few of CCC of America's Saints and Heroes animated films, and Patrick: Brave Shepherd of the Emerald Isle was the very first one we ever owned. The CCC films present kids with the stories of the saints in a fun, accessible way. Letting my kids watch these shows has been a really easy way to help them become familiar with the lives of the saints. St. Patrick's story uses a mix of history and legend to teach kids about the kidnapped boy, who grew up to become a bishop and missionary in the land of his former captivity. 
It also features a ridiculously catchy song over the end credits that my kids sing to themselves for days afterwards anytime we watch it. Also . . . me. I'm singing it right now.

Patrick Song from CCC of America on Vimeo.
And, at thirty minutes, Patrick is the perfect length to hold the attention of even the littlest kids, who may be slightly hopped up on sugar cubes.

Update: I also put together a Spotify playlist of all our favorite Irish Folk music!
AND, because CCC of America is so very generous, they are offering all of my readers a pretty great giveaway.



ALL of you can use the code STPATRICK50 to get Patrick: Brave Shepherd of the Emerald Isle for 50% off the normal price, from now through St. Patrick's Day on March 17th. Just put the DVD in your cart as usual, and input the code at checkout.
And ONE lucky reader is going to win the complete eleven DVD Saints and Heroes Collection!



The Saints & Heroes Collection includes these films:
The Day Sun Danced: The True Story of FatimaFrancis: The Knight of AssisiNicholas: The Boy Who Became SantaBernadette: Princess of LourdesColumbus: Adventures to the Edge of the WorldBen Hur: A Race to GloryOdyssey: A Journey Back HomeFrancis Xavier and the Samurai’s Lost TreasurePatrick: Brave Shepherd of the Emerald IsleMy Secret Friend: A Guardian Angel StoryJuan Diego: Messenger of GuadalupeAnd all you have to do to win is leave a comment here on this blog post telling me one way in which you plan to live the liturgical year in your home this month.I'll announce the winner Monday March 9th.

Good luck, and a big thank you to CCC of America for sponsoring this post and lovely giveaway. These are movies I bought myself, long before I had a blog, and many kids over many years have enjoyed them. I'm really pleased to get the opportunity to share them with you guys!

Stay tuned over the next couple of weeks for more St. Patrick's Day movie recommendations, a BUNCH of free printables, and, of course, a recap of the Hooley at the Tierneys 2015. I can only assume it will be great. We'll also be celebrating St. Joseph's Day and the Annunciation. I hope you will be, too.

Liturgical Living for Beginners: A St. Patrick's Day Tea Party PlayDate, with help from me and CCC

It's March! Spring is in sight (at least in California), we are mostly in the swing of Lent (however much that's possible, anyway), and around the Tierney gaff, it's time to get super excited for the upcoming feasts this month.

Because if there's anything better than a feast day, it's a feast day that falls during Lent. Amirite?

Getting started with liturgical living in the home can feel like a really daunting task. It did for me, anyway. But if you're just starting out, Lent is the perfect time to give it a go. We're all in this one together, after all. Lent is a great time to share a fast or a feast with family or friends or neighbors.

We throw a HUGE Saint Patrick's Day party every year . . . but I know that's not for everyone. And I didn't start out throwing huge parties for everyone we know. Before that I threw dinner parties, and barbeques, and . . . liturgically-themed play dates. Just a couple other moms, their kids . . . a couple of snacks, an activity, and a book or movie about the saint. If you've never done ANY liturgical living in the home, this is a GREAT way to start.


I'm going to talk you through it step by step.

- the guests -Probably, you're going to want people to come to your party. So, you're going to want to invite them. I've done play dates like this for as few as three and as many as thirty kids. I think ideal is around six to ten kids. Evite is great for keeping track of people, but for something like this, I find a good old-fashioned email is just as good, maybe better. You can just type up the what, when, where and send it, or, if you're feeling fancy, you can make your own invitation image in Picmonkey, and email that.

Or you can use this one . . .


If you right click on it, and save the image to your computer, you can then pull it up in Picmonkey and type in the text you want to add, save it again, then email it out.

Or ya know, just print it out, write on it with a pen, and hand it to people. Up to you.

- the craft - I like to have a little craft available to do as families are arriving. It can be a simple coloring page and some crayons . . .
found here
Or something a little more involved. Sarah at Two Os Plus More featured a very cute Trinity Shamrock craft last year, that would be perfect . . . 

- the snacks -Kids like snacks. Everyone likes snacks. In fact, the food is where I'm always tempted to get carried away. There are always so many cute ideas out there. But too many choices is overwhelming for little kids, and a lot of work for hostesses. Usually one beverage choice plus water, and three to four food choices is plenty.
For St. Patrick's Day, I always like to serve tea, since it's so very Irish. And in our house, not to mention in Ireland, tea is not just for girls. Boys can drink tea, too.
found hereMy own kids drink quite a lot of tea, but for their friends it's usually a fun novelty. I usually choose two different types of decaf tea, in flavors kids would recognize (like mint and lemon), and put them in two tea pots. If I'm feeling particularly brave, I serve the kids in real tea cups, or sometimes we ask guests to bring a cup and saucer from home. Sometimes we just serve our guests in sturdy disposable cups.
Sugar cubes and cream are always a big hit.
Of course, you could always go with limeade, or any green beverage, instead. Although that would make it rather less like a tea party.
For the food, I make Irish Soda Bread, from a recipe my mother in law gave me . . .
It's very similar to this recipe from King Aurthur Flour.And shamrock-shaped tea sandwiches . . . 
found hereMost of my kids actually LIKE cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches. But I'd probably make some pb&j versions as well.
And some fruit-kebab rainbows . . . 
found hereAnd a pot of gold(fish crackers) . . . 

That's what *I* would do. But if you read my blog with any regularity, you'll know I am nothing if not an over-doer of things.

Green juice, goldfish crackers, maybe some grapes . . . would totally get the job done. Kids would love it. Give my kids store-bought shamrock cookies and they'd love you forever.- the entertainment -After snack time, I like to have some sort of saint-themed entertainment for the kids. We have quite a few of CCC of America's Saints and Heroes animated films, and Patrick: Brave Shepherd of the Emerald Isle was the very first one we ever owned. The CCC films present kids with the stories of the saints in a fun, accessible way. Letting my kids watch these shows has been a really easy way to help them become familiar with the lives of the saints. St. Patrick's story uses a mix of history and legend to teach kids about the kidnapped boy, who grew up to become a bishop and missionary in the land of his former captivity. 
It also features a ridiculously catchy song over the end credits that my kids sing to themselves for days afterwards anytime we watch it. Also . . . me. I'm singing it right now.

Patrick Song from CCC of America on Vimeo.
And, at thirty minutes, Patrick is the perfect length to hold the attention of even the littlest kids, who may be slightly hopped up on sugar cubes.
AND, because CCC of America is so very generous, they are offering all of my readers a pretty great giveaway.



ALL of you can use the code STPATRICK50 to get Patrick: Brave Shepherd of the Emerald Isle for 50% off the normal price, from now through St. Patrick's Day on March 17th. Just put the DVD in your cart as usual, and input the code at checkout.
And ONE lucky reader is going to win the complete eleven DVD Saints and Heroes Collection!



The Saints & Heroes Collection includes these films:
The Day Sun Danced: The True Story of FatimaFrancis: The Knight of AssisiNicholas: The Boy Who Became SantaBernadette: Princess of LourdesColumbus: Adventures to the Edge of the WorldBen Hur: A Race to GloryOdyssey: A Journey Back HomeFrancis Xavier and the Samurai’s Lost TreasurePatrick: Brave Shepherd of the Emerald IsleMy Secret Friend: A Guardian Angel StoryJuan Diego: Messenger of GuadalupeAnd all you have to do to win is leave a comment here on this blog post telling me one way in which you plan to live the liturgical year in your home this month.I'll announce the winner Monday March 9th.

Good luck, and a big thank you to CCC of America for sponsoring this post and lovely giveaway. These are movies I bought myself, long before I had a blog, and many kids over many years have enjoyed them. I'm really pleased to get the opportunity to share them with you guys!

Stay tuned over the next couple of weeks for more St. Patrick's Day movie recommendations, a BUNCH of free printables, and, of course, a recap of the Hooley at the Tierneys 2015. I can only assume it will be great. We'll also be celebrating St. Joseph's Day and the Annunciation. I hope you will be, too.

Liturgical Living for Beginners: A St. Patrick's Day Tea Party PlayDate, with help from me and CCC

It's March! Spring is in sight (at least in California), we are mostly in the swing of Lent (however much that's possible, anyway), and around the Tierney gaff, it's time to get super excited for the upcoming feasts this month.

Because if there's anything better than a feast day, it's a feast day that falls during Lent. Amirite?

Getting started with liturgical living in the home can feel like a really daunting task. It did for me, anyway. But if you're just starting out, Lent is the perfect time to give it a go. We're all in this one together, after all. Lent is a great time to share a fast or a feast with family or friends or neighbors.

We throw a HUGE Saint Patrick's Day party every year . . . but I know that's not for everyone. And I didn't start out throwing huge parties for everyone we know. Before that I threw dinner parties, and barbeques, and . . . liturgically-themed play dates. Just a couple other moms, their kids . . . a couple of snacks, an activity, and a book or movie about the saint. If you've never done ANY liturgical living in the home, this is a GREAT way to start.


I'm going to talk you through it step by step.

- the guests -Probably, you're going to want people to come to your party. So, you're going to want to invite them. I've done play dates like this for as few as three and as many as thirty kids. I think ideal is around six to ten kids. Evite is great for keeping track of people, but for something like this, I find a good old-fashioned email is just as good, maybe better. You can just type up the what, when, where and send it, or, if you're feeling fancy, you can make your own invitation image in Picmonkey, and email that.

Or you can use this one . . .


If you right click on it, and save the image to your computer, you can then pull it up in Picmonkey and type in the text you want to add, save it again, then email it out.

Or ya know, just print it out, write on it with a pen, and hand it to people. Up to you.

- the craft - I like to have a little craft available to do as families are arriving. It can be a simple coloring page and some crayons . . .
found here
Or something a little more involved. Sarah at Two Os Plus More featured a very cute Trinity Shamrock craft last year, that would be perfect . . . 

- the snacks -Kids like snacks. Everyone likes snacks. In fact, the food is where I'm always tempted to get carried away. There are always so many cute ideas out there. But too many choices is overwhelming for little kids, and a lot of work for hostesses. Usually one beverage choice plus water, and three to four food choices is plenty.
For St. Patrick's Day, I always like to serve tea, since it's so very Irish. And in our house, not to mention in Ireland, tea is not just for girls. Boys can drink tea, too.
found hereMy own kids drink quite a lot of tea, but for their friends it's usually a fun novelty. I usually choose two different types of decaf tea, in flavors kids would recognize (like mint and lemon), and put them in two tea pots. If I'm feeling particularly brave, I serve the kids in real tea cups, or sometimes we ask guests to bring a cup and saucer from home. Sometimes we just serve our guests in sturdy disposable cups.
Sugar cubes and cream are always a big hit.
Of course, you could always go with limeade, or any green beverage, instead. Although that would make it rather less like a tea party.
For the food, I make Irish Soda Bread, from a recipe my mother in law gave me . . .
It's very similar to this recipe from King Aurthur Flour.And shamrock-shaped tea sandwiches . . . 
found hereMost of my kids actually LIKE cream cheese and cucumber sandwiches. But I'd probably make some pb&j versions as well.
And some fruit-kebab rainbows . . . 
found hereAnd a pot of gold(fish crackers) . . . 

That's what *I* would do. But if you read my blog with any regularity, you'll know I am nothing if not an over-doer of things.

Green juice, goldfish crackers, maybe some grapes . . . would totally get the job done. Kids would love it. Give my kids store-bought shamrock cookies and they'd love you forever.- the entertainment -After snack time, I like to have some sort of saint-themed entertainment for the kids. We have quite a few of CCC of America's Saints and Heroes animated films, and Patrick: Brave Shepherd of the Emerald Isle was the very first one we ever owned. The CCC films present kids with the stories of the saints in a fun, accessible way. Letting my kids watch these shows has been a really easy way to help them become familiar with the lives of the saints. St. Patrick's story uses a mix of history and legend to teach kids about the kidnapped boy, who grew up to become a bishop and missionary in the land of his former captivity. 
It also features a ridiculously catchy song over the end credits that my kids sing to themselves for days afterwards anytime we watch it. Also . . . me. I'm singing it right now.

Patrick Song from CCC of America on Vimeo.
And, at thirty minutes, Patrick is the perfect length to hold the attention of even the littlest kids, who may be slightly hopped up on sugar cubes.
AND, because CCC of America is so very generous, they are offering all of my readers a pretty great giveaway.



ALL of you can use the code STPATRICK50 to get Patrick: Brave Shepherd of the Emerald Isle for 50% off the normal price, from now through St. Patrick's Day on March 17th. Just put the DVD in your cart as usual, and input the code at checkout.
And ONE lucky reader is going to win the complete eleven DVD Saints and Heroes Collection!



The Saints & Heroes Collection includes these films:
The Day Sun Danced: The True Story of FatimaFrancis: The Knight of AssisiNicholas: The Boy Who Became SantaBernadette: Princess of LourdesColumbus: Adventures to the Edge of the WorldBen Hur: A Race to GloryOdyssey: A Journey Back HomeFrancis Xavier and the Samurai’s Lost TreasurePatrick: Brave Shepherd of the Emerald IsleMy Secret Friend: A Guardian Angel StoryJuan Diego: Messenger of GuadalupeAnd all you have to do to win is leave a comment here on this blog post telling me one way in which you plan to live the liturgical year in your home this month.I'll announce the winner Monday March 9th.

Good luck, and a big thank you to CCC of America for sponsoring this post and lovely giveaway. These are movies I bought myself, long before I had a blog, and many kids over many years have enjoyed them. I'm really pleased to get the opportunity to share them with you guys!

Stay tuned over the next couple of weeks for more St. Patrick's Day movie recommendations, a BUNCH of free printables, and, of course, a recap of the Hooley at the Tierneys 2015. I can only assume it will be great. We'll also be celebrating St. Joseph's Day and the Annunciation. I hope you will be, too.

Other People's Kids: controlling the chaos on preschool playdates

It's mailbag time again. Today we're going to discuss managing unruly children in your home . . . when they're not (exclusively) yours.

The Question:

Hi, Kendra!

I enjoy reading your blog, and I find your posts on discipline and family culture particularly encouraging. I only have one toddler and another baby on the way, but your articles help me feel more confident in the belief that it is possible to raise a large family without living in constant chaos and unpleasantness.

I would love to hear your input on how you structure play-date type situations and how you handle being hostess to other people's (small and somewhat naughty) children. I enjoy getting together regularly with two other moms and their children. The problem is that the older two kids (one three, one two-and-a-half; neither of whom are mine) spend most of the time trying to take away whatever toy the other one has and discretely "bullying" the three babies. We three moms spend almost the entire time correcting and redirecting the kiddos, but it's all pretty gentle and ineffective. I would expect more obedience from my own kid, but it's hard to know how to handle other people's kids even when they are giving my own younger toddler a hard time.

I would love to know how you (a). establish house rules for play dates at your house. (b). handle the toddler impulse for uncivilized behavior among a group of toddlers and preschoolers. (c.) handle situations in which your child is enduring a bit of unpleasantness from older kids (do you step in? try not to? I don't want my kid to be too coddled, but I also don't want him learning bad habits that he will probably repeat when the new baby is born).

It doesn't help that I don't feel fully confident in my assessment of how much fighting and naughtiness can be prevented and how much is just part of the territory (although, when one of the kids licked my butter dish after being told he couldn't have any more....I figure that could be preventable, right?).

Thanks so much for any feedback!
Anna

 The Answer:

Whew. This one is a toughie, Anna.

I feel like I really come down on BOTH sides of this issue. Philosophically, I'm all for just dealing with my own kids. And not trying to boss other people's kids around. So, if we're at the park and a kid is hogging the swing, I'd just tell my kid, "The swings are busy, we'll do something else." I wouldn't go up and ask the mom if we could have a turn. But then if we're on the swing and some other mom asks me if her kid can have a turn, I'd tell my kid, "We're going to let this boy swing for a while." Because, really, my kids are pretty squared away, and probably they're not going to flip out. And if they do, we can use it as a learning experience. So, it's all fine.

But it's somehow more complicated when it's all going down at my house. We host weekly clubs and classes and lots of parties here, so there are always "other people's kids" around. And the thing with other people's kids is that they have other people's rules and expectations. Or, occasionally, no rules or expectations at all. It can be tricky to find that balance of insisting that other kids treat my home and my children with the proper respect, but not stepping on the parenting toes of friends, or just spending all my time at get togethers chasing kids about and laying down the law. That's no fun for anyone. I do it when I have to, but . . .

I really try to figure out how to prevent the most common of the preschool playdate problems before they have a chance to happen.

I think it's great to let kids work things out amongst themselves. I'm all about that. But I think that, as a concept, it's really more appropriate for kids closer to the age of reason. Kids under six or so are, by definition, pretty unreasonable, and can't be counted upon to see any side but their own. They need guidance.

With my own kids, it's possible to set up a system of rules and behavioral expectations that even very young siblings can learn to coexist within, but it's difficult to apply a system like that to kids from other families, unless they are a regular part of our family dynamic.

So, practically speaking, free for all type play dates with a set of toys that "belongs" to one kid, but are new and exciting to the others are always going to be challenging.

I used to be a part of a moms' rosary group that met one morning per week at different people's houses. The community I found among those other Catholic moms of little kids was truly life changing, but the play date part of the meetings could be stressful. My kids are not allowed to run around like little tornadoes playing with every different toy in the room. And they are not allow to dump toy bins. But different families have different rules. Some kids are totally allowed to do that. After a few hosting attempts involving messes and unhappy kids, I just started putting only few toys out that were geared toward babies, and moving the couch in front of the toy closet, so no one could get anything else out. Without fun messes to make in the playroom, the bigger kids would all just go play outside. Eventually, the group has started meeting at area parks instead of in homes, and that seems to be a lot less trouble. There's less fighting, and less dumping out of every toy bin in the room while the moms are chatting.

I really recommend outdoor play dates whenever that's possible. If it's not, (here's where I'd usually make a Canada joke, but . . . I'm going to have to go with, sorry everywhere but Southern California) you might have more success with a more specific activity at a playdate. Like, everyone plays with playdough, or everyone paints. I don't mean an art project that's going to require the moms to help do it, but just one thing that there would be enough of to go around, so there's less looking-around-to-see-what-other-kids-have-that-I-want. So, basically, prevention of unpleasantness, because that's my first goal.

But, if that's not practical, or if I tried it, and it didn't work and there was still unpleasantness, I'd try to address any particular situation with my own child first. If my son came to me to tattle, I'd say, "Tell him in a firm voice that you don't like that." But that's not always the way things go down. If I saw a child ripping toys out of another child's hands, and his own mom didn't say anything to him, I'd handle it the same way I would if my own child were the perpetrator. I'd walk over and squat down and put my hand on the toy in question and say, calmly but firmly, "In this house, we don't take toys away from other children. I'm going to put this away so that it doesn't cause any more unhappiness between friends." And then I'd just walk away with it and put it out of sight. Usually that works and I just keep doing it until the kids figure out that if they want to have any toys left they should stop fighting over them. As with any parenting-type practices involving other people's kids, you do run the risk of offending another mom. So, I try to be quick and discreet about it. Or I just shrug and smile when I get back to the other moms in a kids-will-be-kids kind of way, to try to diffuse any tension.

The same goes for our basic Tierney House Rules: In our house . . . We don't jump on the couch. We don't play in the bedrooms when we have people over. We don't hit the TV. I remind other people's kids of our house rules in a calm but firm way, "Hey, Suzy, in our house, we don't play in the bedrooms when other kids are over. Anita will be right back, please wait for her here." I've really never had that sort of thing escalate into unpleasantness. And as my own kids get older, I expect THEM to remember, share, and enforce our family rules. Because they are on Team Tierney.

As for food, that one has been a learning experience for me as well. My own kids can mostly handle food being out at their level without making huge messes with it, or being gross with it. But, often times, other people just handle things differently, maybe their kids aren't used to having All The Snacks available. It's not my job to teach other people's kids how to eat snacks, but like you, I prefer my butter un-licked. So, now, I keep food up on counters, rather than on coffee tables, because I don't want to have to supervise it all the time. Again, in situations like this, prevention of problems is always going to be the least painful way to go, in my opinion. But some kids are climbers, and very dedicated to butter-licking. So, I also just try not to get too attached to any food I put out at a playdate or party. Some things just aren't going to be useable afterwards.

And I try to remember that there are lots of different explanations for how other people's kids are behaving in my home. When I was the mom of just one or two littles it was easy to get offended at what I might have perceived as a lack of respect for my home and hospitality and children. But as I've been doing this longer and met more and more moms, I've come to understand that . . .

1. <gasp> Stuff that bugs me doesn't necessarily bug other people. Maybe it really just doesn't bother them when their kids do that in their own homes to their own stuff. Different people have different standards. Maybe some stuff I let my kids do bugs them.

2. Maybe their children's behavior does bug them, but they are just maxed out right now. We all know how hard motherhood can be. Especially at the beginning. Maybe that mom isn't getting much support at home, maybe she feels like she's on them all the time and she's exhausted and all she wants is to just hang out with some grownups and not yell at her kids for a couple hours, come what may. Now that's not an ideal situation, obviously. But I've learned the hard way that there is a WRONG WAY to offer parenting advice. In fact, most of the possible ways of offering parenting advice are the wrong ways. But by continuing to be a supportive friend, and inviting her over, and by having kids that appear to be less exhausting than her kids, perhaps she'll ask me how I do it, and I could give her some advice, or steer her towards a blog I find helpful. <wink, wink>

3. Maybe her kids are tougher than my kids. There are a lot of genuine behavioral issues that aren't visible to the casual observer. It sounds like you know these moms well enough to know whether or not that's the case. But in my own experience, hosting events as often as we do, I've met a handful of kiddos who really do need to be held to a different standard, because God made them different. I've talked about it with my kids as they get old enough to comprehend it, and, with some guidance, they can become much more understanding about what to expect when those friends come over.

One thing I wouldn't really worry about is other kids' bad behavior affecting your son's behavior, once he's not in their presence. Kids are remarkable in their ability to compartmentalize. They know exactly what they can get away with at home that isn't allowed at preschool, for instance. As long as your family rules are consistent at home, and you're clear about your expectations, exposure to other kids with other family rules isn't going to change your son's behavior. He might need some reminders, even some reminders that involve sitting in the corner, but then he'll be back with the program.

Anyway, like I said, tough situation. And multifaceted. I hope this helps a little.

Cheers,
Kendra

For more parenting philosophy-type thoughts, you may enjoy . . .

How we deal with discipline, in general:ALWAYS MEAN WHAT YOU SAY: THE HOW OF PARENTING WITH AUTHORITYAnd how we deal with toddlers, specifically:HOW TO BE THE BOSS OF A ONE YEAR OLD CRYIN' BABIES GO TO BEDAnd how we get our kids on Team Tierney:
Creating a Family Culture

Mailbag Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, nor am I an official spokesperson for the Catholic Church. (You're thinking of this guy.) If you read anything on this blog that is contrary to Church teaching, please consider it my error (and let me know!). I'm not a doctor or an expert on anything in particular. I'm just one person with a lot of experience parenting little kids and a desire to share my joy in marriage, mothering, and my faith.
If you've got a question, please send it along to catholicallyear @ gmail . com . Please let me know if you prefer that I change your name if I use your question on the blog.
P.S. As if that wasn't quite enough of me for one day . . . I'm also at Blessed is She today, explaining all about how YOU are a superhero.

"Today’s readings from Ezekiel and Matthew can be pretty well summed up by another familiar Bible verse, Luke 12:48: “To whom much has been given, much will be required.”

Perhaps you remember when it was Uncle Ben, saying it to Spiderman, “With great power, comes great responsibility.” But it’s the same thing.

None of us was bitten by a radioactive spider, or injected with a super-soldier-serum, or born an Amazon-Princess and given a magic lasso made from Aphrodite’s girdle.

Nope. For us, it’s way better than that. . . ."

 Read the rest here.

See Me Homeschool

It's a blog hop, y'all. The lovely Micaela of California to Korea and Theresa of Ordinary Lovely have invited me to share a homeschooling day in photos . . . only. No lengthy descriptions, no captions. It nearly killed me.

But here it is. I took these photos last Thursday, on a day when we didn't have any commitments outside the home, Anita was feeling a little sick, and Frankie fell down not once, but twice, during morning exercises. Jack had a phone consultation with his teacher assistant from our curriculum provider, Mother of Divine Grace, as well as an online class. We were practicing our speeches for the Great American Speeches Pageant at our parkday. And it was really a lovely day out here in suburban Los Angeles.

Away we go . . .




























































And that was our school day. Late afternoons and evenings are sports practices and dinner and bedtimes. But this was a pretty typical homeschool day for us.


Check out other additions to the series, and link up your own day here.

For a day in the life post with words, lots and lots of lovely words, check out . . .
A Day in the Life of Me, Kendra Tierney, in Which a Lot of Things Happen and Often I Don't YellFor more about our homeschool philosophy, you may enjoy . . . How I Homeschool: Kendra from Catholic All YearMy Top Ten Books for Teaching KidsThe Secret Truth About Why I HomeschoolWhy I Homeschool Like ThatSeven Odd Things I've Come to Appreciate About Homeschooling

The Very Best Shows on Netflix . . . according to my kids

So, this whole Netflix sponsored post thing is really supposed to be a LOT more kid-focused than mine are. Mostly, I prefer to hide from my children and watch Netflix streaming on my own. So I've been writing about what I watch when the kids aren't looking, or what we watch on our family movie nights. With school and sports and activities and projects, the kids get pretty busy, and don't watch a ton of TV anyway. But, they sure do LIKE it. And, sometimes, we're sick, or it's raining, or they're in their church clothes early, or -every so often- the planets align and all schoolwork is finished and the house is clean . . . and the kids get to watch TV.

They only ever watch Netflix, because I just don't want to have to deal with commercials. I'd really rather my kids not know what toys and breakfast cereals are missing from their lives, and I don't want to have to explain why those old people are holding hands in bathtubs on a cliff.

My rules are that they have to choose shows that are non-objectionable in the ways you're thinking, but also that aren't just totally lame. So, my kids aren't allowed to watch pre-teen sitcoms about kids who lie to their parents and sneak out, but they're also not allow to watch Barney, because it's important to me that my kids understand that, while it's for different reasons, both are unacceptable for viewing by intelligent, discerning human beings. And they should NOT LIKE THEM.

So, for this installment of Hey, Watch This, I decided to go straight to the source of discerning-kid Netflix watching around here, and ask my kids what the very best shows are. And why. And what they think people could learn from watching those shows. Enjoy . . .


Lulu, age 15 months
Lulu and Daddy watching the 'Hawks.

Lulu doesn't really talk. And she's not a very good TV watcher. She'll hang out for a minute or two, then roll herself off the couch and crawl off to find me, which pretty much defeats the whole purpose of owning a TV, if you ask me.

But the other kids insist that she will watch My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic for somewhat longer than other shows.


MY TAKE: Shows aimed at girls mostly get a big thumbs down from me. It seems to me that female characters get stereotyped way more than males do in cartoons. There's always "the fashion one" and "the tomboy" and "the flirt" and "the shy one" etc. And girls are mostly horrible to each other on TV shows. So many shows are twenty minutes of being awful to each other, and two minutes at the end of deciding to make up and be friends again.

I don't like my girls seeing that, especially when they and their own friends are so nuanced and so sweet to each other. This show does have all those things I don't like. The characters are one dimensional, but it's because they each have a "thing" that's stamped on their haunches. So, somehow the one-dimensionality isn't as bothersome as it is with human girl characters. And there is some fighting, but mostly the ponies are kind and supportive of each other. As the title would suggest, the show has a high opinion of friendship.

So . . . thumbs mostly up for me on this one. It's a cute, sweet show.

Frankie, age three
Sick Frankie: Netflix saves the day
Frankie had to think about this one for approximately 0.26 seconds.

I like Matoe's Tawl Tales (a.k.a. Mater's Tall Tales) because it's willy, willy fun. Der's bulldozers, der's when Matoe's a fiotruck, and der's a fiotruck thing that sprays plants. (According to Anita, that's Red the firetruck.) And der's a fire. And jumping. And der's fighting. And der's space. And you can loen to try new things.


MY TAKE: This Pixar short, with all the original voices from Cars, is pure genius. It's all Frankie ever wants to watch if he gets to pick, and I always let him because I never, ever get tired of it.

Anita, age five 

I think the best show is Clutch Powers. It's a show about a Lego guy that saves the world from an evil wizard guy. He has three friends. They get a prince to help them. At the end they defeat the wizard. I don't know what you learn from watching it. Maybe that you should buy Legos.


MY TAKE: I really, really like The Lego Movie. I think it's written in a really clever way that's actually funny, not wink-at-the-audience-random-pop-culture-reference funny. The many Lego TV shows, lean towards the second, in my opinion. There's a Marvel Superheroes one, and a Ninjago one, and a whatever the weird animal-people are one. My kids like them all. I don't find the content objectionable, I just don't think the writing is great. The Clutch Powers movie is not in the same league as The Lego Movie. It's not even close. I've seen it once and don't need to see it again. But it's okay with me if my kids watch it. Although I think Anita's right about the lesson part.

Gus, age seven
Doing his impression of Kevin from Home Alone, tragically NOT available on Netflix. My favorite show is the cartoon Clone Wars. There's fights AND battles. There's Jedi in it and it's the story of what happened between the movies (Jack says between Episodes two and three.) The bad guys are the Sith and the Jedi are fighting them. There's lots of action, but it's not scary. There's a different lesson is every episode, like to be brave.



MY TAKE: I think this is a really well done show. I've only watched a handful of episodes, but they seem to be well written, and to thoughtfully address some weighty topics, like just war, and cloning, and genocide, in an age-appropriate way. My kids are crazy about it. It would have been the first choice of Anita and Bobby and Betty, too. But Gus went before them.
Updated to add that, as K points out in the comments, it's a comic book-style show, and so the female characters mostly wear somewhat revealing clothing. They show a lot of leg, there are bare midriffs . . . but not cleavage (to my recollection). And, while the clothing is silly, and a complete double standard, as male Jedi wear full-length robes, the female characters don't flirt or behave in a sexy way, and there's no using of feminine wiles or anything. Also, the females are aliens and have blue skin, or head tentacles, or are bald, which makes it less problematic, I think. It's something I've discussed with my older boys, especially since they are interested in comic books and graphic novels, but mostly don't get to read them because of the over-sexualization of female characters. But in the case of Clone Wars, I have found the show acceptable for viewing at our house, with a discussion.

Bobby, age nine
Not watching Netflix. Looking up spelling words.I like Word Girl. It's about a girl from a different planet who is a Superhero. Her parents and brother don't know that she has superpowers, like that she can fly and knows a lot of words and definitions. Her sidekick is her pet monkey, Captain Huggyface. The bad guys are really funny: The Butcher, Dr. Two Brains, The Birthday Girl, Lady Redundant Woman, Chuck the Evil Sandwich-Making Guy. You learn a few new words and their definitions in each show.

MY TAKE: Word Girl is one of my favorite shows on television. If I'm trying to get something done, so I let the kids watch TV and they pick Word Girl, I usually just give up on doing stuff and watch it with them. Chris Parnell, from Saturday Night Live, is the narrator, and he's hilarious. The writing is brilliant. I just really, really like it. Unlike most female characters on cartoons, Becky has a wide variety of interests. She likes vocabulary, and fighting crime, AND The Pretty Princess and Magical Pony Power Hour. In MY experience, that's what real girls are like. (Well, not so much the crime fighting part, but you know what I mean.) 

She also has a loving family. They manage to handle the fact that her parents don't know she's a superhero without making them look like total idiots, which is nice.

BUT, in the interest of full disclosure, I feel like I should admit that I usually quiz my kids about that episode's words afterwards, and they mostly don't have any idea what I'm talking about. So, great for entertainment, but I'm not sure how good it is for vocabulary building.

Betty, aged eleven
Made by Betty. I think she's ready to go on the show.I really like watching Cupcake Wars. I like to see the people make all the different kinds of cupcakes. There are judges and people who own different bakeries come on the show. They have a time limit and there's a theme of the show, and sometimes, they have to use crazy ingredients. I think it teaches people to be resourceful and manage their time well and to not give up, even when you get crazy ingredients.


MY TAKE: I watch almost no food-type shows, and the same amount of reality TV. I don't usually watch food shows because I hate that THEY get to taste the food and I just have to take their word for it. And reality TV, well, I just can't handle the off-topic drama. But I do really enjoy Cupcake Wars. I think it's fun to see the contestants come up with solutions to the crazy ingredients and decide whether to be bold or play it safe, and I like that even though taste is an important component of cupcakes, a lot of the judging is visual as well. So I get to feel like I'm participating in that part. More importantly, there is pretty much zero non-cupcake related drama. There is no interaction between contestants, so they're not bad mouthing each other. And they all have a business already, so there's very little of the sobbing about how this means everything to them. And it's cupcakes. C'mon, who doesn't like cupcakes? 

Jack, aged twelve
I'm pretty sure they're playing Wii here. But they ARE looking at the TV.
My favorite show is a really interesting science show called Nova. It's a long running PBS show, several series of which are available on Netflix. My favorite episode was "Making Things Colder," which involved how you can find about seventeen more states of matter when you get things cold enough. They also cover making things safer, faster, wilder, smaller, and bigger. I would have thought that it's best suited for older kids, maybe ten and up, because the subject matter is complicated. But my younger siblings like it too. You learn that science is awesome and the world is awesome.



MY TAKE: It's a pretty straightforward science show. The few episodes I've seen have not addressed any controversial topics. Non-fiction TV really isn't my thing, but Jack has learned a lot from watching these, and he really enjoys them.

Honorable mentions go to Leap Frog shows, classic Disney movies and shorts, VeggieTales movies and TV shows, the movie Chicken Run, The Magic School Bus, and Classic Dr. Who episodes, all of which we have enjoyed as a family.

And that's my honest opinion. But this is a sponsored post.



What are we missing out on? What are YOUR kids' favorite shows that you don't hate?

Mothering and Morning Sickness . . . at the same time

Today's mailbag question is near and dear to my barfy little heart . . . 
illustration from Richard Scarry's Best Mother Goose Ever

Question:

Kendra, 

I know you're all pregnancy icky, so you're probably not the person to complain to, but I need some advice. I'm 10 weeks pregnant with baby 5, and my oldest is 6. We homeschool and they're always here. I don't have family nearby and my husband frequently works until they're in bed (at 7. I just can't with any later.) I'm getting along ok in the mornings, and doing school and getting supper in the crock pot sometimes, but after nap I'm just shot. I feel like death, if death is nauseated. There's nothing particular wrong, so I feel bad telling them I can't read to them, and I wish I wasn't just waiting for bedtime, but it's like they expect me to be emotionally available! I held on all morning, I don't know what to do the rest of the day.

I've just been feeling very guilty. There isn't anything ridiculously wrong with me (except I feel terrible) and I feel like I should push through, and then I can't. And I want them to leave me alone without giving them expectations.

I think it's possible the only solution to this problem is "wait 5 weeks," but I feel terrible - emotionally, I mean. (Physically too.) I'm only passively sick, and they're just little kids who love me, but the last month has just worn me out. Is there a way around this?

Thanks,
Amanda

Answer: 

Hey Amanda,

I'm just the person to complain to, believe me. I'm right here with you, unfortunately. That's how my "morning" sickness manifests as well. I'm usually better in the mornings and we get school done, then I need a nap, then I just hang in there through the afternoons and evenings. I either crash right after little kid bedtimes, or if I can stick it out, I start feeling better again around ten pm and can get a few things done before I go to bed.

It's not ideal, certainly.

But, it's for a good cause. There are three main ways we try to manage morning sickness with older siblings.

1. We Guide How They Experience These Changes

With some guidance, a sick mom can be an opportunity for even little kids to grow in empathy and self-reliance. My own pregnancies have really run the gauntlet, from almost no symptoms at all (Gus, Lulu), to manageable morning sickness (Jack, Betty, Bobby), to challenging nausea and fatigue (Anita, whoever this baby is), to six months of sickness and mental fog and days that I could hardly remember (Frankie). But ever since we've had kids old enough to listen, my husband has been really great about helping the kids to guide how they kids experience mom being sick.

I think the key is helping kids see it as an opportunity, rather than as a burden. My husband tells the kids, "The baby is making mommy feel sick and tired, and she needs YOUR help." My kids love stuff like that. Even the little ones like to feel important and necessary.

Necessity is the mother of invention, as they say, but it's also the mother of responsibility. Your kids will become more responsible because they MUST. With some family rules in place, even kids six and under can learn to get snacks for themselves and entertain themselves for the couple of hours a day when you feel the worst.

2. We Plan Ahead if Necessary

We hit school hard in the mornings, because that's when I feel the best. Then I'm often MIA back in my room all afternoon because I feel terrible, I drag myself in to make and eat dinner, and then evenings are hit or miss for me. Sometimes I'm good, sometimes I'm bad. Things work better when I am on top of things in the morning, and don't waste those precious hours. So I try to know what I'm making for dinner, and (like you said) getting something made ahead of time is really brilliant. I try to have stuff available for the kids to do that they can manage themselves if I'm not fit for duty in the afternoons, like play dough or washable paints or sticker books. We have hard and fast rules governing the uses of those items. They only get one "special" thing out at a time, it has to be done at the kitchen counter, etc. That way, there are things to keep them occupied besides screens. Mostly, even with me feeling barfy, we don't do screens during the day.

BUT, really, I have that luxury because I have big kids who can help supervise the little kids. When my oldest was six, my kids watched a lot more TV than they do now. If that's where you are, I would NOT sweat it. I think moms should look at screens as a tool in the toolbox. Use it when you need it, just remember that YOU can stop it anytime you want. As soon as YOU don't need it, you can go back to regular kid afternoon activities like crafts and books and playing outside. Yes, your kids will be used to getting to watch a show in the afternoon. Yes, they will protest. But they'll get over it.

3. We Don't Make it a Bigger Deal Than it Is

Kids are really suggestible, I find. If you think they are being damaged by getting less of your attention and energy for a few months, they might pick up on that. But if you're not worried about it, they probably won't be either. That's how it's been at our house anyway. Say you don't read them ANY books at all for the next two months. Say they watch more movies than they usually would. And eat more macaroni and cheese. What then?

Probably nothing.

Because soon, you'll feel better and things will go back to normal and they won't even remember those few months when mom was sleepy and barfing a lot.

I had a really, really rough pregnancy with my sixth baby. I was in a fog of fatigue and nausea day and night for nearly six months. It was all I could do to sit at the school table with the kids in the morning and grunt at them. My other kids were 9, 8, 6, 4, and 2 at the time. And, ya know what, I don't think they remember it at all. Things went back to our normal, they got their regular mom back, we went back to our regular routine. I've mostly blocked it out myself. So I think the husband is the only one who remembers it, poor thing. :0) (Also, he proofread this for me, and says I have it all wrong on which babies made me the sickest, but I'm just going to figure it doesn't really matter and go to bed.)

Anyway, people make sacrifices for things that are important. That's what you're doing, that's what your kids are doing. Any lessening of the standard of mothering to which they have become accustomed that they might be experiencing right now, will be more than made up for by a childhood (and a lifetime) of having another sibling. They'll also gain some self-reliance, and some empathy, which I think are good things too. And even if mom is unavailable for a time because of injury or surgery or illness that's not related to a new baby, it's still a chance for kids to grow, and to think of the needs of someone else.


So . . . mostly, I'd just say that you are doing the best you can in the accomplishment of something that is good and that will benefit your kids in the long term, so just try to cut yourself some slack and don't feel guilty. Easier said than done, I know, but if you know intellectually that you shouldn't feel guilty, and I think you do, then just keep reminding yourself of that, and hopefully your emotions will catch up at some point.

As for how to get the point across to your kids, I'd attack it in two ways. First, I do think this is particularly effective coming from dad, and being addressed to all the kids but to the oldest couple in particular. I think it's worth asking your husband to help you with this. He can talk to the kids often, maybe even every morning as he's leaving, or every night before they go to bed and remind them that since he's not home during the day, he needs THEM to help mommy because she's not feeling well right now because of the new baby.

Also (or if dad's not available to help, just) remind them yourself. I tell my kids, "Once is telling me, twice is complaining." So, ideally, I just tell them once, and not in a yelling, or whining, or threatening, or accusing way, just in a very straightforward, matter-of-fact way, "Mommy does not feel well because of the baby. I have to take a rest. If you need something, you'll have to ask your sister or brother." I think the whining, accusing, yelling stuff comes in as a result of us feeling guilty and lashing out because of that. But if you can convince yourself that it's okay for you to rest in the afternoons and not get people snacks, then you'll be able to be firm about it in a non-defensive way. I have set rules about what afternoon snacks kids are allowed to have, they are in a place the kids can reach them, they know about reasonable serving sizes, and about asking a big kid for help. I mean what I say and am consistent, so they mostly understand that if I say I'm not available to help, then I'm really not. They do still come in to my room and wake me up with ridiculous tattles and requests sometimes, because they're . . . kids. But, mostly, it works.

Hang in there. I hope you'll be better very soon! And me. I hope I will also be all better soon. That would be great.

Cheers,
Kendra

p.s. I'm sure my lovely readers have some perspective/advice/battle-stories to share, so I look forward to reading the comments on this one.


Mailbag Disclaimer: I am not a theologian, nor am I an official spokesperson for the Catholic Church. (You're thinking of this guy.) If you read anything on this blog that is contrary to Church teaching, please consider it my error (and let me know!). I'm not a doctor or an expert on anything in particular. I'm just one person with a lot of experience parenting little kids and a desire to share my joy in marriage, mothering, and my faith.
If you've got a question, please send it along to catholicallyear @ gmail . com . Please let me know if you prefer that I change your name if I use your question on the blog.

What I'm Doing for Lent, and Fat Tuesday and Ash WednesdayRevealed . . . and the winners!

I shared a bunch of these photos on Instagram and a couple on Facebook, but not all of them. So I figured I'd throw them up here as quick as I can, in case you didn't see them there. AND I want to announce the winners of the Lent giveaway in time for the winners to get their downloads while it's still Ash Wednesday. Scroll down to the bottom for those.

And, probably, you're just dying to know what one particular barfy pregnant lady is doing and not doing for Lent.

Hope your Ash Wednesday is going great, or that it's penitential in a good and useful way . . . somehow. +:0)


Ash Wednesday
We've been busy little bees around here today. We went to Mass for our ashes (among other things) . . .


Then we came home and between errands and dentist appointments and some school squeezed in there, we got the house ready for Lent.

I never, ever remember to bring our Palm Sunday palms back to church before Ash Wednesday, so we burned them ourselves and scattered the ashes in Mary's garden.


The boys love it when their chores for the day involve setting things ablaze.


Jack made us an Alleluia rock to bury.


Since we don't sing the Alleluia at Mass during Lent, there's an old tradition to actually bury it, then dig it up at Easter. The kids get a kick out of it.

And Gus put the Clipart Lent Calendar on the door. By the way, a couple folks have said they couldn't get it to download properly so they could print it out. If it didn't work for you and you still want it, send me an email and I'll send it to you as an attachment. If it DID work for you, will you let me know in the comments, so I know if it was an isolated glitch or a total failure.



We put a somber and meaningful centerpiece on our dining room / school table. So, from now on any spacing out will be Lent-focused.

And the mantle got some cacti and rocks and burlap.


And the front step got some new cacti, too. I love that giant one in the back. I feel like he needs a name.


I made a thorny wreath for the spot by the front door from branches off of our bougainvillea bushes. I love the way it turned out, but making it was very stabby. I should have found some gloves.


For dinner we are going to have my grandfather's german potato and dumpling soup recipe. Which is good news. So tasty.


The even better news is . . . Betty is making it! I taught her how to cut the little spatzle dumplings into the soup to cook and she's hard at work as I type.


For a day of fasting and penance, I'm pretty pleased with how it's turned out.

The husband just landed in Las Vegas, where he'll be trying to reconcile Ash Wednesday with a work dinner at the Venetian. Poor guy.

I've finally decided on my personal Lenten Disciplines. It's been tricky for me this year with being pregnant and still feeling pretty lousy. I want to have a meaningful Lent, but I'm pretty tapped into my reserves as it stands. So, here's what I have planned for Lent 2015:

To do LESS . . . yelling.
To do MORE . . . reading.
To NEVER . . . stay up past 11pm.
To ALWAYS . . . say the Angelus.

We'll see how it goes.

And a little recap of yesterday . . .
Fat Tuesday
Fat Tuesday started off with a bang when my faux King Cake was totally a success. I'm not sure I'll ever try one from scratch again. Look how pretty!

And while I am a BIG fan of from scratch eating, I do have a weakness for canned cinnamon rolls. Anita found the ring AGAIN. So she was our Queen of Epiphany and our Queen of Mardi Gras. The brothers were so happy for her.


The big kids made mardi gras masks for everyone during nap time.

In case you need further proof that Lulu is the best baby ever, she totally didn't mind her mask. I've never had a baby who would wear one for more than a few seconds.




After dinner, we did our family tradition of attempting to eat up all the treats in the house.


The kids make these ridiculous ice cream sundaes. And then EAT them.


This was the aftermath in the kitchen . . .


And that's that.
It was so much fun seeing so many different families' Fat Tuesday celebrations. From neighborhood parties to pancake breakfasts to dinners out, you guys really rocked the feasting. Thanks for sharing it with me!
I got hundred of entries between Instagram, Facebook, and email. You guys are awesome! I added them all up to one number, then used random.org to choose four winners. 
The winners are, from Instagram: @coffeeash, @richards.mandi, @elizaraxi, and, from Facebook, Nicole Marie. I'll send you messages on the platform on which you entered, but in case you see this first, please email me at CatholicAllYear @ gmail.com with your first choice of prize. I have two of each, first come, first served.
And in case you didn't win, you can head over to Blessed is She or the App Store to get yourself your own download of the Blessed is She Lenten Journal or the 2015 Magnificat Lenten Companion.
Have a great Lent, everyone.