Laura Bennet's Blog, page 16
February 17, 2020
The Effects of Pornography on Our Children
My latest novel, A Deadly Silence, soon to release, tackles the subject of pornography, sexual addiction and its potential for leading to domestic violence.
This deadly force lurks in darkness and silence. Only by speaking about it, can we find hope, healing and redemption. Families are being destroyed, and while we might focus on the spouse of the addict or the person struggling with the addiction, our children reap dire consequences as well.
This letter reveals how much our children suffer. First seen and re-posted from Faithit.
I want to let you know first of all that I love you and forgive you for what this has done in my life. I also wanted to let you know exactly what your porn use has done to my life. You may think that this affects only you, or even your and mom’s relationships. But it has had a profound impact on me and all of my siblings as well.
I found your porn on the computer somewhere around the age of 12 or so, just when I was starting to become a young woman. First of all, it seemed very hypocritical to me that you were trying to teach me the value of what to let into my mind in terms of movies, yet here you were entertaining your mind with this junk on a regular basis. Your talks to me about being careful with what I watched meant virtually nothing.
Because of pornography, I was aware that mom was not the only woman you were looking at. I became acutely aware of your wandering eye when we were out and about. This taught me that all men have a wandering eye and can’t be trusted. I learned to distrust and even dislike men for the way they perceived women in this way.
As far as modesty goes, you tried to talk with me about how my dress affects those around me and how I should value myself for what I am on the inside. Your actions however told me that I would only ever truly be beautiful and accepted if I looked like the women on magazine covers or in porn. Your talks with me meant nothing and in fact, just made me angry.
As I grew older, I only had this message reinforced by the culture we live in. That beauty is something that can only be achieved if you look like “them”. I also learned to trust you less and less as what you told me didn’t line up with what you did. I wondered more and more if I would ever find a man who would accept me and love me for me and not just a pretty face.
When I had friends over, I wondered how you perceived them. Did you see them as my friends, or did you see them as a pretty face in one of your fantasies? No girl should ever have to wonder that about the man who is supposed to be protecting her and other women in her life.
I did meet a man. One of the first things I asked him about was his struggle with pornography. I’m thankful to God that it is something that hasn’t had a grip on his life. We still have had struggles because of the deep-rooted distrust in my heart for men. Yes, your porn watching has affected my relationship with my husband years later.
If I could tell you one thing, it would be this: Porn didn’t just affect your life; it affected everyone around you in ways I don’t think you can ever realize. It still affects me to this day as I realize the hold that it has on our society. I dread the day when I have to talk with my sweet little boy about pornography and its far-reaching greedy hands. When I tell him about how pornography, like most sins, affects far more than just us.
Like, I said, I have forgiven you. I am so thankful for the work that God has done in my life in this area. It is an area that I still struggle with from time to time, but I am thankful for God’s grace and also my husband’s. I do pray that you are past this and that the many men who struggle with this will have their eyes opened.
*This has been posted anonymously due to the nature of the topic.*
Look for A Deadly Silence coming soon!
When Sara Maree Matley uncovers a box of questionable material while unpacking after their family moves, she’s forced to examine the ideal life she’s fought so hard to portray as perfect. Surely her successful, popular husband, Brad, can’t be the owner of the contents. But when Brad’s behavior continues to digress, and Sara deals with her own past, life unravels, and Sara must make one of the hardest choices she’s ever faced.
February 5, 2020
Flip It
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I read something recently that challenged me to consider how I see my position in life.
God tells us Jesus died to make us victorious, healed and free. So let’s flip our way of seeing how we approach life!
You are not a sick person fighting to be well; you are a well person fighting sickness.
You are not an addict fighting to be free; you are a free person fighting addiction.
You are not a defeated person fighting for victory; you are a victorious person fighting defeat.
(I’d gladly credit the author if there had been one listed. If that’s you – let us know.)
October 30, 2019
Keep Stepping
A harvest takes an entire season of plowing, planting, watering, cultivating, weeding, tending and, well…waiting. An entire season. Not a few days or weeks. Even though some plants sprout quickly, (thank you beans in kindergarten classrooms!), they still require nurturing before we get to enjoy the fruit (or veggie) of our labor.
From what I understand, growing seasons for vineyards and orchards take years before the first fruit appears. And then pruning is the only way to increase the growth. When we had an apple tree in our backyard, I had to cut off the branches each year so the tree would produce the following season.
This is a lesson for me today.
In building our lives, letting God transform us or building a dream, a business, a family or anything of significance, time is required. Often, it’s easy to grow impatient when we don’t see results within the time frame we expect or hope for.
Today I’m telling myself,
“Don’t be discouraged when your steps don’t lead to “leap” results immediately.
Keep stepping.
Cumulative effort is solid and most effective.
God is in the steps.
Leap out in faith, but walk in diligent trust and obedience.”
Maybe that helps you today too?
October 28, 2019
Promises and Process
“Even as we cling to the promises of divine truth, we scrutinize our natural world for answers that require supernatural solutions. Somehow we inherently believe that if we can understand the motivation and contextualization of our crisis, then we can contain it, reduce it, and eliminate it.” (Author Unknown)
It’s encouraging to know that this is a normal, not sinful, lacking faith response. [image error]
Whether we suffer due to our own choices or because of life’s tragedies, God is in it, using it to draw us closer to Him and build our character. He wants to comfort us.
I can rest there and allow the grief,
the pruning,
the process.
“For we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”
II Corinthians 4:8-9
Where are you in grief or in process? What has God promised?
October 6, 2019
Where Is Your Thinking Taking You?
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“If you change your thoughts, you will change your existence.”
I’m not sure who said this, but I saw this quote recently and it made me think.
The Bible says that “as a man thinketh, so is he.” I’ve never fully embraced that idea. I guess I didn’t really understand the meaning behind it. Or maybe I grasped the concept with a “Yeah, I get that” but didn’t actually internalize it. Then. But now?
What I think is what I become.
So what am I becoming? Where are my thoughts taking me?
When it’s been a season of great challenge in mental toughness, how do we handle life? I understand this from the viewpoint of an athlete. I was one once. But how do we apply this to everyday life? When bills pile up, the car breaks down, illness sets in and our relationship seems stuck or the business or job isn’t panning out the way we expected?
And then we get that call…you know the one that sucks the air out of you with it’s unexpected, tragic message.
How do I think about all that? Where do my thoughts take me?
Down a path of fear, regret, doubt or anger? Do I allow self-pity, bitterness or resentment to set in? Are conversations or situations replaying in my mind in the middle of the night keeping me awake in anxiety?
What are my thoughts doing to my existence?
There’s a reason God says we need to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. God knows how easily our thoughts can lead us astray into an existence of hopelessness, despair, depression or even destruction.
But how do we take a thought captive?
Recognize that we have a choice about what to think. Often, we feel as if our thoughts happen to us, when the truth is that we can choose them.
Feelings – our emotions are God given, but we don’t have to let them control our thoughts. How I feel in a given moment, may not accurately reflect the truth of a situation. I may experience anger, but I can choose how to think and act about it.
When I have a thought, ask if it is bringing me into a positive, life-giving place or leading me into a small, negative space. There is always another perspective.
What does God say in his word about me, my life, his plans for me? Are my thoughts lining up with that?
Speak the truth instead of the doubts.
Remember that God loves me and wants good for me. He says I lack nothing because he’s my shepherd. If my life shows a lack, but God says I lack nothing, what is another way I can think about my situation according to God’s truth?
It isn’t easy, but with practice, I’m learning to change my thinking. God says that he transforms us by the renewing of our minds. Changing our thoughts, changes our existence.
I believe this is only truly possible with allowing Jesus to take our thoughts captive and making them line up with his thinking. Maybe our very first step would be choosing a relationship with him. He’s always waiting for us with open arms to come to him and receive what he did for us on the cross.
Do you like the existence you currently have? Where are your thoughts taking you?
September 28, 2019
Guest Post: Making Comparisons
Today I have the pleasure of re-posting an impactful message written by my dear friend and mentor, Janie Garber. Janie is a life and health coach who has pastored churches with her husband, Ken, been a missionary in France and walked with hundreds of women through challenges in every area of life. I highly recommend connecting with her!
Making Comparisons
We all live in such a social media driven society today, where our daily lives are often on display for the world to see.
I’ve noticed in talking with people the last year in particular, that comparison to others is a bigger trap than ever before. It taunts and mocks, saying things like…
“You can never get to where so-and-so is…”
“You aren’t worthy of good things in your life like they have…”
“It will take way too long to accomplish so-and-so has done so don’t even try…”
“It is too much work to make changes to better yourself…”
“So-and-so has been given everything on a silver platter and has had it so much easier than you…”
What we are actually doing when we compare ourselves to others is measuring up our inside with what we see of their outside. We don’t know their struggles and pains as intimately as we know our own.
Ultimately, comparison keeps a person feeling driven and alone in many ways.
If you struggle with comparing yourself with others, I’d like to encourage you to remember that YOU are unique and so wonderfully made. Your own life experiences and the places of your heart where you’ve grown and been healed are just what someone around you needs today.
www.janiegarber.com
@janiegarber on Instragram
September 22, 2019
Loved and Accepted
Stephan Bauman from his book Break Open the Sky
The God of the universe loves you.
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Can you wrap your mind around that?
Until we do, we will struggle with our identity as God’s beloved children. Until we take in the magnitude of the fact that the God who created all we see and still have yet to discover, loves us personally, intimately and completely, we will look for other things to fill that void in us.
God says he knew us before we were born, and we were made with awe and wonder. (Psalm 139)
He delights in us and sings over us. (Zep. 3:17)
He gave up his son, Jesus, to die for us. (John 3:16)
Who would you die for? Those you most love?
God accepts us. He doesn’t reject us.
People might reject us. Spouse may turn their back on us. Even some parents have rejected their children. But God never will. No matter what we’ve done, he accepts us with open arms, always welcoming us back when we come to him.
Sometimes, moving forward in our lives means we have to choose to embrace the love and acceptance of God.
We may have been told by others we’re not lovable. Whispers can play in our head about how unacceptable we are. The enemy is a cruel liar and uses hurting people to hurt others. But God loves and accepts us.
Today, can we all take a small step toward receiving the love and acceptance God offers?
September 21, 2019
Letting Go
[image error]“God does not want to punish us for clinging to our past—He wants to love us into our future.” Rev. Samuel Rodriguez
Sometimes we hold onto our past as if by letting it go we will lose something, when in fact, we lose more by clinging with a tight fist.
Moving forward means we have to look ahead.
When I was about seven, I attended a school with a set of rings on the playground. You know the metal ones that hang from chains? I’d grab the first ring and stand paralyzed for a few seconds while the kids in line would yell “Hurry up!”
“Come on.”
“Just go already.”
The problem wasn’t that I couldn’t swing to the second ring. The problem was that in order to keep going across, I had to let go of the ring behind me. That’s where the fear gripped me. When doubts set in.
What if I wasn’t strong enough? What if I couldn’t reach it? What if I missed and fell?
I love how patient God is. He isn’t the kids yelling at us from behind. He’s standing at the future, reaching out to us, calling our name, giving us courage and pushing the next ring toward us so we’re sure to reach it and get a good grip.
Even if we stand there a little longer than necessary, he never punishes us for it. He coaxes us ahead.
What are you waiting for?
September 15, 2019
Love Dispels Fear
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“Perfect love casts out all fear.”
I know the Bible tells me this, but there are times when I’m still afraid.
Maybe fear comes from a job loss, a diagnosis of illness or an approaching storm. We can feel afraid when the power goes out, a car swerves into our lane or our child isn’t home on time.
And while some fear is a God given way of keeping us safe, living in a state of fear is not what God intended.
He wants for us to be so intimately acquainted with him that we trust he’s got our back no matter what.
Knowing God loves us causes us to feel safe. In his love, we become who he created us to be. He loves us no matter what we’ve done or neglected to do. His acceptance of us, as his wonderfully made sons and daughters, drives away fear.
Remembering what he says in his word and holding fast to those promises of faithful love will banish fear in those situations which threaten us.
I must keep choosing to stand on his word because it is true. All else is a lie.
And in that place, in his presence, fear evaporates. Peace comes. I can rest.
July 26, 2019
Contentment or Settling?
But I believe God is teaching me that being content doesn’t mean settling.
God is the God of more.
He takes us from glory to glory and tells us Jesus came to give us an abundant life.He says he wants to prosper us and provide for us according to all the riches in Christ Jesus.
Not just in our finances, although his word makes it clear that he desires that for us, but in every area of life he wants us to be rich. In relationship, creativity, passion, love, kindness, goodness, peace and joy – all of the fullness of who he is, he wants to bestow on us. And yet, we settle.
We think that good enough is good. That mediocre will suffice. There couldn’t possibly more, could there? Isn’t that what it means to be content? I don’t think so.
In the Bible, Paul tells us he learned to be content in all circumstances. He wrote that from a prison cell after being beaten. But he had also been rich in his day as well. He said he knew both and could settle into each one with contentment knowing that in each situation, God had more.
As I consider the meaning of contentment, I think of God creating the world and saying “it is good” at the end of each day even when he wasn’t finished yet. He was still building something, but was able to lay it down each day with a sense of rest and peace knowing more was to come. Can I do that? I believe that describes contentment. Lord help me to live in a place of contentment today. And each day.
