Carl Medearis's Blog, page 7

“Christian Leader” Myth #4 – It’s a Business

I’m not sure what it was like being a “leader” in a Christian setting before the 1980′s, since I hadn’t led anything before then. But I clearly remember the 80′s and 90′s being full of teaching on “the business of leadership.” Most of my pastor and ministry friends were constantly reading books by businessmen. “From Good to Great” by Jim Collins or anything by Tom Peters, Jack Welch or other successful business leaders was held in the highest regard by my Christian ministry friends – and, therefore, by me.

Maybe it was needed as a helpful correction to some sloppy business models within the church – very possible. But even the Christian ministry guys who wrote books on leadership all wrote about strategic business planning and other models gleaned from Wall Street, the Silicon Valley or even Hollywood. If “they can do it – then we can/should do it better” was a mantra I often heard. “They” being the secular for-profit world. It seemed like we were feeling insecure about our ability to be as good as “they” were. Our Christian music was cheesy compared to “real bands.” Our church architecture wasn’t state of the art like it was back in the Renaissance, and our weight in the political world had never recovered from Martin Luther’s bashing of the church and state marriage 500 years ago. We seemed to be coming in 2nd in all the major spheres of influence.

I can remember pastors admitting they were reading “business” and “success” books more than the Bible. I think there were years in my life (the 90′s) where that would have been true of me as well.

And…like all partial truths – there were some helpful things that I gleaned from those years. Like:

1. Having a plan.

2. Learning the importance of communicating the plan/vision clearly to my team.

3. Keeping financial things in order.

And, probably many other things. I’m for sure not down on running our ministry and service projects well. Or having our churches in order so that the stated mission of that church is effective. Those things need to happen.

But the myth that I’d bought into was that my “ministry” needed to be run like a business. That it was about the bottom line. In my case the bottom line was something to do with people. So…how was I doing? I remember a big business owner in Denver asking me – “Carl, what’s your bottom line? What do you want to have happen when you’re done?”

Taken aback a little by this direct question I stammered out something like “Uh, well, I guess I’d like to see the whole Middle East transformed by knowing Jesus.” (Which was and is my actual answer, I suppose).

He replied “And so, how you doing with that? How many Middle Eastern people have had their lived ‘transformed by Jesus’ because of you?”

I answered with a relatively (very) small number to which he gruffly retorted “Well then, you should be fired.” And he wasn’t smiling when he said it. And…he was probably correct – if we’re talking business.

That’s the business model of “Christian Leadership.” It counts numbers. Success. More of… Things started – and still going. And while some of this can be helpful some times – it’s mostly unhelpful most of the time.

Otherwise, Jesus wasn’t very successful. Here he was – God in the flesh. The best plan of God to reach humans. And he gathered 12 guys – and one didn’t turn out so well. Maybe he had 72 or even 120 after his 33 year sojourn here on earth. Let’s say it was 120. Imagine – here’s the best man for the job – Jesus himself. Emmanuel – God with us. And he finds 120? Really? That’s it?

Lose your life to save it. Be last to be first. The servant of all in order to lead anyone. Focus on a few. Invite 12, but since that’s a lot, just spend most of your time with 3. Once you’ve been announced to the world and your grand ministry is starting – disappear for 40 days. Spend most of your main three years of ministry taking long walks for hours down dusty paths and then having leisurely dinners reclining at the tables of those of ill-repute. Then die. Then disappear.

Hmmm? Doesn’t sound like much of a business model to me.

I want to be wise, for sure. And thoughtful. And glean what I can from those around me who are good at what they do. For sure! But I mostly want to pattern my life after Jesus of Nazareth. And his Kingdom – his way of doing life. It was so counter-intuitive. I want to be sure I’m not focused on the wrong bottom line. That loving God and loving my neighbors really is the greatest thing I’m doing. And I’ll let God be the judge of my “success.”

3rd Myth of a “Christian Leader”

Leaders Lead.

That was a John Maxwell-ism that I, and everyone else I know, bought into. Quotes like “You’ll know when you’re a leader when you look behind you and people are following.” Sounds right. But is it?

Think of many of the Scriptures greatest leaders. Moses. David. Paul. Jesus. There were many times in each of their lives where no one was following. Moses spent 40 years alone with his family in the desert. When he looked behind him, he saw sheep and goats (not the metaphorical kind – the kind that leaving brown droppings).

David was often without any friend but Jonathan (son of Saul). And Jonathan was typically not physically with David. David hung out with animals as a kid and then graduated to caves as an adult.

Paul spent three years in the Arabian desert alone – being taught directly by the Holy Spirit. Even when he did his famous journeys to the cities of Asia Minor, he was often taken and imprisoned – all alone.

Jesus went public, then spent the next 40 days alone. No one followed him around but Satan. Finally Jesus had some followers. But the next thing you know (John 6) most of them left him because he kept saying confusing things. Then he died – so alone, he felt even forsaken by his own Father.

I speak from personal experience – many many times I feel alone. All alone. Sometimes I am actually alone. Other times I just feel that way. Some of my most “productive” days in the Kingdom of God have been on silent retreats. I have consistently done these over the years – sometimes for just one day, sometimes for two or three days. Sometimes I fast. Sometimes I eat like the food’s gonna run out. But I’m alone. With God.

Other times I’ve done what I knew God has told me to do – and no one has followed. I’m pretty good and getting people to follow – but not always. Once in a while, I go alone. I never like that. I don’t think it’s good. Surely not God’s best, but sometimes it just is. I look behind, and I just see my sorry fat butt. Nothing else. No one else.

So, yes. Leaders do lead. But often not in the way you’d think. We lead by example. We lead by jumping in first, even when no one else jumps. We lead by going back – back to our roots. Back to our past (to maybe clean some stuff up back there) and back to home.

We lead by allowing ourselves to be alone sometimes and be okay with it. We don’t always have followers. Or maybe just one or two. Leaders lead in the sense of going ahead – but “going ahead” looks different every time. Don’t let the world – even the Christian world – fill in for you what that looks like. With the counsel of your closest friends and family, and in the quietness of God’s presence, seek for yourself what it means to “lead.” Only then, will you look behind you and see what God wants you to see.

The Ripple Effect of Everyday Peacemaking

Here’s a must-read guest blog by my friend Jer Swigart. This is a little about him before you read the post….

Through diverse friendship, shared tables, innovative training, and creative storytelling, Jer Swigart guides people out of the quandary of equational living and into the simple rhythms of Jesus. He’s the pioneer and Directional Leader of Open Door, a subversive Jesus Community known for its distinct practices and engaged presence within the neighborhoods of San Francisco’s East Bay and the Co-Founder of The Global Immersion Project, an international organization that cultivates everyday peacemakers through immersion in global conflict.

When peace is simplistically defined as “tranquility” one could conclude that it’s attainable through displays of power.

Here’s what I mean…

On a micro-scale, the schoolyard bully experiences peace (tranquility) when he successfully establishes his place on top of the pecking order through the occasional lunch-money heist and knuckle sandwich. On a macro-scale, the nation-state experiences peace (tranquility) when it establishes its alpha status by demonstrating its military dominance.

Peace, when defined poorly, can generate dangerous behavior: in order for peace to prevail, power must be wielded. Sadly, consequence history proves that when power is wielded at least two peoples are produced: the victors and the oppressed. Whenever and wherever these two peoples exist, the victors cry out for peace (usually in the form of exterior tranquility) while the oppressed cry out for justice, dignity, and human rights.

2000 years ago, as peace spread via Roman militarism, occupation, and imperial religion, God put flesh on and moved into our neighborhood. With the cries of “Justice, Dignity, & Rights!” ringing in the air, Jesus climbed a hillside overlooking the Sea of Galilee and offered His action plan.

He shocked the crowds with his first statement: Blessed are the poor in Spirit.

“Powerlessness is the Way of the Kingdom. It’s the only Way forward.”

Then, within two breaths, he followed up with: Blessed are the Peacemakers.

“Heirs of the Creator are those who give themselves to the holistic repair of broken relationships.”

Peace, according to Jesus, is not about an individual’s personal experience of tranquility but rather is about the complete restoration of a broken relationship. It’s not accomplished through the demonstration of power but through micro-level acts of creative powerlessness. Peacemaking, therefore, is not the esoteric stuff of idealism but is gritty, costly, subversive, relational, practical, creative, and everyday.

A few months ago, I was in the West Bank sitting in the backyard of a Palestinian Christian friend who has recently begun an afterschool program for the youth in his village. Our Learning Community had just spent the day working alongside his staff that is committed to developing peacemakers through the vehicles of music, sport, and art.

As we settled into a conversation about his neighborhood, I asked him to tell me of the genesis of his program. The story he told redefined for me what peacemaking is and who peacemakers are.

With a spark in His eye, he remembered out loud the stories of his parents and grandparents who had enjoyed sport and music, dance and poetry. Having grown up in the West Bank, he remembered playing soccer in the streets with the neighborhood boys by day and serenading the neighborhood girls by night. Slowly, however, he told of how the soccer matches had ceased and how the sound of young voices singing to one another had grown quiet. Instead, he noticed that, rather than playing soccer, the boys were playing war and, rather than singing, the sounds of aggressive arguments filled the air.

He went on to talk about economic condition of his village and how poverty had limited the teaching of music, sport and art in the neighborhood schools. As he got curious with the neighborhood kids, he discovered that they were growing up with an unproductive restlessness, an unhealthy perspective of Israelis, and calcified imaginations about the future. They wanted justice, dignity, and human rights and believed that the only way they could get it was through violence. They had no creative outlets to process their experience of living between the Separation Wall and the military checkpoints so they practiced war in the streets.

My friend knew that the kids in his village were on a trajectory toward cyclical violence and that the time had come for him to do something about it. So he and his wife got creative…literally.

It began with a small group of kids in their living room learning a simple song, followed by creative writing, storytelling, and drawing, and concluding with a soccer match in the streets. Word got out quickly that something of redemptive value was going on in their living room and, within a week, they had a couple hundred kids lining up to become creatives. Today, over five hundred neighborhood kids are learning to process out their experience of growing up in the West Bank in healthy, redemptive ways, an entire generation is being trained in the creative practices of everyday peacemaking in the Way of Jesus with one another and “the other”, and an entire village is beginning to cease demonizing & dehumanizing those whom they once referred to as “enemy.”

Rarely is choosing the Way of peace glamorous or convenient. When we reintegrate peacemaking back into our vocation as Jesus Followers we discover that the practices of everyday peacemaking begin to surface not at a national or political level, but at a micro, neighborhood, everyday level. It’s when we live, fueled by His Spirit, in the everyday peacemaking Way of Jesus that the ripple effects move through our neighborhoods and gradually form into tidal waves that reshape the contours of our global village.

What might the ripple effects be within your everyday contexts and beyond if you were to embrace your vocation as an everyday peacemaker? What might it look like for you to follow Jesus into conflict and violence with compassion rather than pain?

It’s choosing to see rather than look away. It’s sitting with and asking questions that help you enter into the narrative of another. It’s identifying the issues that are limiting the flourishing of our kids and then showing up as a part of the solution. It’s advocating for the voiceless victims of unfair systems.

Jesus said, “Blessed are the Peacemakers.” Will you join me as one who contends for the holistic repair of relationships in the everyday contexts of our lives? According to Jesus, those who do so are called “sons and daughters of God.”

Stay Busy! Christian Leadership Myth #2

No one ever taught me this myth directly, but I’ve sure picked it up from those I admire. I have a whole set of “leader” friends who are busy. Very busy. They glorify busy-ness – and therefore, so do I.

Someone ask me (as they do), “How’s it going Carl?” What do I say? Well, usually it’s something like this: “Good. Really good. Having fun. You know same ole same ole. Jesus. People. A little Middle East in there. Speaking. Busy. For sure, busy. Man, the last couple months have been CRAZY. But hey, it’s all good. You know….”

Think about that. It’s just a weird way to do life. I have a friend – a famous author and speaker – who’s like that. He’s crazy busy. Last time I talked to him on the phone he talked for a half hour about how busy he was. He wasn’t saying it was “good” but he was sure letting me know something. What was he communicating to me? I can’t be sure about him, but I know that when I do that, I’m letting you know that I’m important. You know, like The Anchorman, Ron Burgandy, said once – “I don’t know if you know this or not….but I’m kinda a big deal.”

That’s me. I’m a big deal. I’m important. I’m busy. And I’m letting you know it every time you ask about me.

That’s stupid. Crazy stuff. There are three problems with a “busy life.”

1. Jesus highlights “rest” over and over again. When you “enter his rest” is when you’re “saved.” His burden is light, his yoke is easy. If you’re feeling over-busy or stressed than you are not experiencing Jesus. That’s pretty clear, don’t you think?

2. I might be impressed with someone who is busy when I hear about it, but never when I’m with them. In other words, when I’m actually present with the “busy guy” I don’t want him to be busy – right? I want him to focus on me. When I’m overly busy, others know it and react to it negatively. They may be impressed from a distance, but never up close.

3. I’m ineffective when I’m too busy. I lose touch. I lose control. I get impatient or angry (all of this is theoretical, of course)! I don’t have anything of Jesus to give when I’m too busy.

I was told once that I should “use my time wisely” by doing things like calling people whenever I’m in the car, as to not waste time. Really? I’m actually finding that “wasting time” can be a good thing. Doing nothing is the best time for God to speak to me. Why do you think we hear the best when we’re in the shower or sitting on the throne – it’s because we’re not busy. I have the best talks with my kids when we sit in our hot tub. We’re focused and relaxed. Then, and only then, do we tune in and actually listen!

Do yourself and everyone around you a big favor – slow down. Business is NOT next to godliness. It’s a sickness we (I) need to repent of!

5 Myths of “Christian Leadership”

Christian Leadership Myth #1.

As you know, I rant on and on about how we use language. I do that because I’ve seen the ill affects in my own life of adopting agreed upon terms and assuming we all knew what they meant, only to find out later that almost no one agreed on the definition or even understood the term itself.

“Christian Leadership” is one such term. Never mind my dislike of the term “Christian.” You’ve heard me talk enough about why I think that’s an unnecessary and unhelpful term. But when you put that word – Christian – along side the word “Leadership” it really gets whacky. But I never questioned that phrase until the last few years – and here’s why.

From the time I was 18 years old, others called me “a leader.” I was a youth group leader when I was a teenager. I was a junior high camp counselor when I was 19. I was a peer leader in YWAM when I was 21. At 23 I was leading our singles group at church. I led small groups at 25. I went on staff at church when I was 27 and got ordained when I was 29. Then was sent to Lebanon to “lead” a whole missions enterprise at 30. I was a Christian Leader.

And boy did I ever study leadership. I read everything John Maxwell wrote. I read tons of business books on management, leadership and operations. I knew how to define the Vision, The Mission and The Purpose – and I knew the difference between those three. I knew that Leaders Read and Readers Lead. So I read a LOT. Can’t remember if that’s what made me a leader or I simply read a lot because I was a leader. Maybe both.

I knew that Influence=Leadership. I knew that authority didn’t come from titles or structural position but came from God and relationships. I understood the power of clear and frequent communication with the team. I knew a ton of stuff about Leadership.

The problem was more about the expectations that this term places on the person. Christian Leadership. Wow. Think about it. Here’s why don’t like that term and much that goes with it:

1. You knew it was coming – but my first point of dislike is that the term doesn’t appear in the Scriptures anywhere. “Leadership” is a concept, for sure, but the word itself is neither glorified nor exemplified in the Bible. And “Christian Leadership” is for sure not anywhere to be found.

2. It places me at the center and moves Jesus to the sideline. If I’m “The leader,” then who is Jesus and what is he doing? He ends up helping me – instead of the other way around.

3. It diminishes the power of the team. I can talk team and friends and partners all I want, but If I (and others around me) keep referring to me as “The Leader” then it’s not easy to convince the rest of “my followers” that we’re peers and equals and Jesus is the leader.

4. There’s a fairly clear prohibition against calling myself “the leader.” Matthew 23:8 says, “But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ for you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers.” That’s fairly clear. Jesus wasn’t big on titles.

The true model, and the word that describes that model, as to who we are with each other is – Servant. That’s where we get the word “minister.” And unfortunately, we quickly turn that into a noun and make people “Ministers.” To serve is a verb. When you serve people, you do become a “leader” in a certain fashion. But as soon as we turn that into a position or a job or a title – we lose the heart of what we are taught by our One Leader – Jesus himself – who did not come to be served, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many!

I want to serve like that.

Who’s in your Neighbor’s Basement?

The outrage against Ariel Castro for kidnapping, raping and keeping three girls (now women) in his basement for ten years as if they were dogs is surely justified. In fact, even if they had been dogs – the person would still go to jail. It’s almost unthinkable.

Neighbors have said everything from “I’m shocked. I barbecued with this dude and listened to Salsa music” to “Yes, we did notice once a lady crawling naked in the backyard” and the ole “The windows all had black garbage bags over them” line.

WHAT?

I think the neighbors should go to jail. What kind of humans beings would “notice” little things like that? Really? Three women and a young girl in a basement for ten years. Loud knocking from time to time. Bags on windows. Naked women crawling in the yard. Really? And you didn’t do anything? Put the whole neighborhood in jail I say.

But wait, let’s be honest for a moment. Think of your physical neighbors for just a second. The ones to your right and left. Across the street and behind your house. Most of us have six to eight houses within speaking distance. When you go to the mail box, wash your car, mow your lawn and take out the garbage – they’re the ones who might say hello to. Over the years, you might learn their first names – maybe their last. Their kids throw wild parties. You call the police. Or maybe you actually cook out together once in a while. More than most, you do actually know your neighbors. But…do you?

Can I be bold and say, “We do.” We know our neighbors. Of the eight houses closest to us, I can honestly say we know them. Really know them. We know all their names. Their kids’ names. Their pets names. We’ve been in their houses. In the basements. They’ve all been in ours – many times. We’ve helped move, paint, re-arrange furniture – and they’ve done the same with us. They have our front door keys, our garage code. They watch our pets when we’re gone, get our mail and our newspapers. Our girls have watched their kids. We do book clubs together. (Just finished reading the book of James – as in, the brother of Jesus).

None of us in this neighborhood are perfect. No Mother Theresa’s on our block. But also no ax murderers. Good-hearted folks who love a good drink, a good read and good family time. If suddenly, one of them started putting garbage bags on their windows – we’d all notice and say something. Something like “Hey, what’s up with those black garbage bags on your windows and weird noises coming from your house?” If the answer didn’t make sense, we’d call someone who would check it out. And we’d keep calling until we knew exactly what’s going on.

That’s because we’re good neighbors. Remember that Jesus summarized all the law and the prophets (which would have been everything to his Jewish audience) by saying “Love God and love your neighbors.” What if he was serious? Your neighbors. You know, the ones next door. And I’m pretty sure the only way to “love” someone is to get to know them. Go ahead – don’t be afraid. Go over and say hi. Then have a back yard party and invite them. Simple as that.

If you want tons of fun, practical advice on how to do this most basic (and greatest) commandment of Jesus, read my two friends’ book: The Art of Neighboring. It may be the answer for a nation which continues to be shocked by their neighbors committing crimes when they “had no idea.”

Just glad our neighbors know us, and we know them. And…it saves us a ton of money on dog-sitting and those fancy home alarm systems. It’s the way our Grand-Parents used to live. No fancy term needed – just call it “being human.”

Can Islam and Modernization Coexist?

The Greatest

And then…there was One. He didn’t make the top ten list. He’s a bit of an enigma as I both have and have not met him personally. He’s probably confused me as much as he’s clarified things for me. On the great social issues of our day – he’s mostly silent. He wasn’t a Christian. Not White. Not Western. Said things that made his most committed followers want to stop following and things that made the worst of sinners love him. On one hand, simple, and on the other, profound. At the same time both clear and mysterious. Human and yet possessing divinity in a way we will never grasp. Intriguing. Winsome. Harsh. All things to all men, and yet nothing at all to others. A carpenter’s kid and the one who holds the universe together by his very breath. This is Jesus. He stands alone!

It just didn’t seem right to put him in any Top Ten List. He is above lists. He didn’t write any books so he hasn’t mentored me that way. I haven’t personally, physically met him like I’ve met some of the others I listed. How can I say that the one who created me – caused me to be alive both physically and spiritually, was my “mentor.” It would almost feel like a downgrade to say so. He’s not just “something” to me – he’s everything to me. It’s in him I most literally move, and breathe and think and live. He’s in all and yet above all. He’s the founding member of The Way, yet he’s not a member of it – because he is it. He doesn’t simply point us in the right direction or know the way to get somewhere – he is the direction.

All I have learned – even from the other 10 I’ve mentioned, came from Jesus. All goodness. All knowledge and understanding and power is his – and he’s loaned it to me.

I do know him, but I think more importantly, he knows me. And in some strange twist in how we think life works – the more I let him know me – the more I find life and freedom.

To my best friend. The one who has returned honor to a world in shame. My way, truth and life – Jesus. Thank you and forever I will thank you!

#1 All-time Mentor (surprise)

Here we are. The mentor who has influenced me mos. (Who I’ve never personally met). This is an easy one really. And I think it’ll surprise you. I’m not even sure it SHOULD be this person – as I’d rather it be Jesus (the obvious choice here), but it’s the Apostle Paul.

Like some of you, I grew up in church. I can’t even begin to guess how many hours I’ve spent in churches during my life. Mostly listening. Only in the last 10 years or so have I been the one doing the speaking. And even now, I’m probably in some setting once a week where I’m listening and learning from someone else. It’d be a conservative guess that I’ve spent 2 hours a week for my entire 51 years of living in a church-type setting. That’s over 5300 hours of listening and learning. And maybe another 2000 hours of me listening to myself (always scary) and 1000’s of books read – that equals a lot of stuff.

And if I were honest, and added up the totality of who I’ve heard talked about the most in those 5300 hours of listening – it would have mostly been Paul. Jesus would have been a close second for sure. Then David. And Peter. And Moses. And so many other greats of our faith. But I think Paul would win.

In recent years, I’ve critiqued the church’s over-focus on Paul. It’s been easy for us to get stuck on him and not do what he clearly said – which was to follow Jesus. He said “Follow me as I follow Christ” but we’ve often remained stuck on Paul. It’s a simple reason – he’s easier to understand. He fits in with our Western mindset. He’s logical. Speaks like a lawyer – we get him. Jesus is a bit confusing with his not answering questions and hanging out eating and drinking with sinners. When Jesus does teach, it’s often hard to reconcile with what we already believe. Paul’s easier, so we teach him.

And I like it. Here’s what I’ve learned from hearing and reading Paul:

1. He points us to the Kingdom and the King. He does this over and over. We sometimes miss it – but he’s a Kingdom guy. And all about King Jesus!

2. He spelled out some of the mystery Jesus left us with.

3. He was the master of living a No Fear life. He wasn’t afraid of anything. “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” He’s a stud.

4. He exemplified what Jesus taught and lived out.

5. He loved both preaching to the crowds and spending time with the ones and twos. He preached. Encouraged. Loved. Argued. Contended. Persuaded. Cried. And he did it with large and small groups. The man had passion – and focus!

Paul – thank you. You’ve taught me so much and you lived it out. One day we will meet face to face and I do have a few questions for you…..

My #2 Mentor (who I’ve never met)

As a five year old in Kindergarten, I already felt like an “Evangelist.” During “show and tell” I’d always ask the other kids a question and have them raise their hands. Once I asked “How many of your Grammas have subscribed to the Humpty Dumpty Magazine for you?” It was my favorite, so I wanted everyone to have it.

I can remember watching Billy Graham on our little fuzzy black and white TV when I was 10 years old. He was so clear. So simple. And then he’d just say something like “Who wants Jesus” and everyone would run forward. I wanted to do that.

I would take long walks as a kid and preach to the trees – they were my personified audience. They’d always come forward when I gave the invitation. I was pretty good back then.

When I was 21 and in Yemen with YWAM, I’d take long walks in the central mountains of that wild country and preach to the rocks and sand. Once, I literally wandered into a small village perched precariously on the slopes of a treacherous mountainside. Till today, I believe I may have been the first white man they’d ever seen – for sure the first American. (They tried to get me to marry the local beauty – she was 13).

I loved Billy Graham. Everything about him. And I’ve learned so much from him while watching his life from a distance. I’ve learned:

1. To do business (“ministry”) with integrity.

2. To never allow myself to get in compromising situations with women. He wouldn’t ride alone with a woman or stay in a hotel by himself or even be in an elevator with a woman (if they were alone). I’ve followed these guidelines.

3. To keep the gospel focused on Jesus. He probably does more of a typical “western version” of the four-part gospel then I’m comfortable with – but he sure does preach Christ!

In his autobiography “Just as I am” he says he regrets two things only – that he travelled too much and thus, neglected his family, and that he didn’t spend more time in prayer and in the scriptures. I don’t want those to be my regrets.

Billy – you are my hero! Thank you!