Vishal Lambe's Blog, page 6
July 2, 2014
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road | A Philosopher's Take
Francis Bacon: To retain his own dignity without intruding upon the liberty of others.
Jacques Derrida: (1)What is the difference? The chicken was merely deferring from one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside of language? (2) Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD.
Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
Diogenes: It was looking for an honest bird.
Epicurus: For fun.
Eric Hoffer: When chickens are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Immanuel Kant: (1) Because it was its duty. (2) The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
John Locke: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty
Machiavelli: (1) So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained. (2) The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.
John Stuart Mills: It was a utilitarian function. She had tasks that were better performed on the other side.
Friedrich Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Camille Paglia: It was drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine which men can never understand, to cross the road and focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing this - their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries vainly to pretend there is no real difference between them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has proved....
Plato: For the greater good.
Alexander Pope: To cluck is avian, to cross devine.
Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road
Socrates: (1) I will think about it. (2) To pick up some hemlock at the corner druggist.
Gottfried Von Leibniz: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Zeno The Skeptic: Did she really cross the road? How can you be certain?
---------------- From The Internet ------------------------
June 15, 2014
Open letter to my girlfriend
This boldness of mine, I know not how you shall take it. This indulgence of mine, to write in an open forum... Whether you take it as a public display of affection or as an offense, I know not. But I believe that in relationships as such, it is essential to reassure one's fidelity from time to time.
I know, we've had our communication gaps. As a means of this letter I wish to dislodge them and let not fester them into problems. Just wanted to put my cards on the table.
I really wish we be together. I wish we laugh on stupid jokes, do things together. I wish to cook for you, I wish we read together. I wish you teach me things you know, I wish we go shopping. I wish you tell me how your day was and I wish we talk for hours. I wish I could tell you about all my friends and about my childhood. I wish i could know your favourite color. I wish I could hear from you...
As you know by now, I am not too good in expressing myself, both verbally and in written form. I wish you could understand all that I meant. And all that I never said, but always wished.
Also, as always I do not expect your response. I just want you to be happy, with me or without me.
Believe me, as dumb as this letter is, it was a great courage to write it. Specially when you do not exist.
Dear, please start existing!
Thanks.
P.S : Although Coldplay is my favourite band, I sometimes like to listen to death metal. Also, please don't walk away in silence the next time we meet, say 'hi'.
June 14, 2014
Confessions of an IT employee
I am glad that its Sunday! But that won't last long, will it?
I know, I will sleep late tonight, probably after catching up with unseen episodes of Game of Thrones or Sherlock or may be Suits. This all while that constant thought of Monday lingers in my head.
It will be Monday again tomorrow, I would wake up hazy eyed, probably with a hangover. I would curse myself, yet again. Yeah, I would miss my jogging exercises in the park or the gym workout yet again. Cursing myself, I would brush my teeth. And remember the promise made to mother that I would call my cousins the weekend that passed by.
I would shave, and probably get late for the cab. I would miss the morning breakfast to make sure I don't miss the cab. Yeah, but the cab would arrive late, yet again. I would curse the cabbie, for not driving too fast and being such a lazy ass in the heavy traffic. Meantime, the same songs play on my iPod, same playlist. The dull FM in the cab would leave no stone unturned to dampen my spirit.
I would want to take the stairs, to burn calories and all, but I would already have 3 messages from my boss, asking why I got late. I would take the lift instead.
I would reach office just before the daily status call. Unprepared, I would fumble through the questions. Then I would settle, frown at my colleagues, who in return a fake smile with the trivial Monday morning question 'how was your weekend?'. I would say 'great!' , just to pretend how rocking and happening my life is. I would boast of the movie that I downloaded over the torrent and of the pizza that I ordered over the weekend.
I would then pick up my mug, go to the coffee vending machine, get some caffeine. Shit, I would have taken green-tea! At my desk, I would stare at the card that says, 'do what you love, love what you do'. I finish checking my mails and work for a while, by the time its lunchtime. God, did she leave the company, why didn't I see her in the cafe today!!
Oh code, thou art a heartless bitch. Why wouldn't you compile!?!
I would hear my mobile buzzing, its the credit card guys, yet again. I would keep my cool, be patient and return to my work. The cab drop would late, they would say its because of the jam cause by the procession to raise voice against the price rise. Meantime, I would reply all the pings on watsapp.
Back home, I would come again, wondering if it was a productive day. That guitar, would again tease me with ghe dust on its curves. I would again fail to keep my promise to read the book that I bought online. Tired, frustrated, I would call mom. I would talk with disinterest, she would understand that I am tired. I would promise her to visit hometown the next month.
I would hang up and I would sleep!
June 9, 2014
What Is Goldplating The Projects and Why Shouldn't It Be Done
Goldplating is adding extra value-adds to the project deliverables. The value-add is something that was never asked by the customer in first place. It is never the part of the formal requirement document.
However, during project execution, a developer may feel (out of enthusiasm) that adding a certain feature to his module may lead to increased performance and user-friendliness for the application in question. So, Mr.Enthusiastic codes his thoughts and integrates with the original requirement. He then communicates the client regarding the proposed process improvement and value-add to the project.
Client however, does not show much interest and rejects the proposed value-add. Why?
There are several reasons why goldplating the project requirements is not recommended. A Client Project Manager who strictly adheres to PMI® standard may even reject the value-add. Some of the reason why goldplating is discouraged are:
1. More than 70% of the projects fail to achieve the constraints of Time and Budget. Also, the project scope and requirements are seldom achieved in agreed timelines. Therefore, adding additional effort and cost to achieve something that is not part of the requirements increases project risk.
2. Additional integration effort is required for the value-add. If this is not done, the value-add may have adverse effect on the Product as a sum.
3. Additional effort in other areas of management like communications management, stakeholder management, risk management and documentation is required which is not part of the agreed upon efforts. This leads to effort slippage.
Also, if its a mandate to implement a certain value-add, one must traverse the value-add through all phases of change management. It also means that one should consider implementing the value-add as a change request after client approval.
Therefore, unless one has enough time, budget and resources to perform proper integration (which is never the case in ideal world scenario) of the goldplated deliverable, one must discourage goldplating!
May 26, 2014
How I cracked CAPM PMI® in one month
26th May 2014 it is, and I am an PMI Certified Associate in Project Management.
A month long effort culminated in success. For those of you preparing for the same, here's how I made it.
Being a working professional, I was afraid I could not dedicate much of my time for the studies. I started preparing in April mid, but wasn't able to pace up. So I decided to register myself, that way, I was sure that I would get serious. Coz' a awful lot is at stake once you get registered ($300). So here's my study plan.
I started serious preparation from April last week. On weekdays, after a tiring day at work, I studied for up to 2-3 hours daily. I mainly referred PMBOK® in my first pass. Yeah, I like to study in passes. I completed the first pass in around 2 weeks. This was very high level skimming. I didn't get much into the details. Just took in what I understood. Being completely alien to project management, many of the terms were completely new. So I took down rough notes in parallel.
For lack of a better book that has been specifically written for CAPM, I read Rita Mulcahy's PMP Exam Prep. I had read positive reviews about the book. The book really gets you going. I specially liked the MCQ's at the end of each chapter. The book is written keeping in mind the PMP exam pattern, so don't get lost if you don't find many correct answers while you solve the questions. If you get 60 to 70% of the questions right, you are the good to go for CAPM. I completed this Ina mother 2 weeks.
Thereafter, I came back to PMBOK®. Believe me, concepts made a lot of sense as I read the book for the second time. I made rigorous notes this time.
Day before the exam:
I only read the notes I prepared while reading both PMBOK® and Rita's Exam prep, went back to PMBOK whenever I felt lost. That was it, end of my preparation. The night before I watched Quentin Tarantino's flick 'From Dusk Till Dawn'.
I realized that not only my thought process is as nonlinear as Tarantino's script, also every other word starts with 'F'. #HappyRealization 😜.
The exam day.
The exam was scheduled at 1 in the afternoon. Here are some of the point that I would like to highlight.
1. Believe me, the exam is not as easy as it has earned the fame to be. I was really tensed the first few minutes.
2. There were around 10 questions that involved calculation, not difficult though.
3. I completed the first pass in around an hour and half. Also marked some questions for review to come back to them later.
4. Although I did not change much of the options that I had marked as correct previously, but this time, I was a lot confident about my answers. Also I had justification for almost all the options that I chose. May be I was a little too nervous in my first pass. I completed this in another hour.
I was very confident in my second pass that I would definitely make it through.
Click End Exam - Eureka!!!
Congratulations on completing CAPM PMI®.🙌
So that's about it. I am an PMI Certified Associate in Project Management. (At least for the next five years!)
May 25, 2014
May 17, 2014
April 24, 2014
[Informatica] Complete Reference To Informatica pmrep Command Options
1. pmrep listobjects The pmrep listobjects command can be used to list assocaited workflows, sources, targets etc. Below is the complete list of all the options available with pmrep listobjects with their syntax.
Vishal Lambe | pmrep command | click on the image to enlarge 2. pmrep objectexport The pmrep objectexport can be used to export XML definitions of various objects like workflows, sources, targets etc. Below is the complete list of all the options available with pmrep objectexport with their syntax.
Vishal Lambe | pmrep command | click on the image to enlarge 3. pmrep findcheckout The pmrep findcheckout can be used to find the objects checkout in all or certain folder. Below is the complete list of all the options available with pmrep findcheckout with their syntax.
Vishal Lambe | pmrep command | click on the image to enlarge
