Brendan Shea's Blog, page 17

Song of the Week

Here is some comfort for you on a Monday, not waiting until Friday:

Way Maker

Song by Leeland

Lyrics

You are here, moving in our midst
I worship You
I worship You
You are here, working in this place
I worship You
I worship You
You are here, moving in our midst
I worship You
I worship You
You are here, working in this place
I worship You
I worship You

You are
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are
You are
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are

You are here, touching every heart
I worship You
I worship You
You are here, healing every heart
Healing every heart
Oh, I worship You
Jesus, I worship You
You’re turning lives around
You are here, oh, turning lives around
I worship You
I worship You
You mended every heart
You are here, and You are mending every heart
I worship You, yeah
I worship You

And You are
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are
Yeah You’re the way maker
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are

Yeah sing it again You are, yeah
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are
Oh it’s who You are, Jesus, yeah
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are

Sing that is who You are

Oh, that is who You are
And that is who You are
Oh, and that is who You are
That is who You are
Lord Jesus, that is who You are
That is who You are (oh, He lifts you up)
That is who You are
That is who You are

My Jesus, yeah

Miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are
Yes it is yeah, it’s who You are
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness (hey)
My God, that is who You are

Let’s sing this together
Even when I don’t see it, come on, even when

Even when I don’t see it, You’re working
Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working
You never stop, You never stop working
You never stop, You never stop working (come on)

And even when I don’t see it, You’re working
Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working
You never stop, You never stop working
You never stop, You never stop working (oh)

Even when I don’t see it, You’re working
Even when I don’t feel it, You’re working
You never stop, You never stop working
You never stop (yeah, oh), You never stop working

Even when I don’t see it, You’re working
Even when I don’t feel it (yeah), You’re working
You never stop, You never stop working
You never stop, You never stop working (You’re the way maker, yeah-yeah)

Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are
Yeah, yeah
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are
Sing that is who You are

Oh, that is who You are
That is who You are
Oh and, that is who You are
That is who You are
Yeah, and that is who You are, yeah
That is who You are
Oh, that is who You are
That is who You are
Oh it’s who You are, now Jesus

Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are
You are
Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper
Light in the darkness
My God, that is who You are

Oh, His name is above
His name is above depression
His name is above loneliness
Oh, His name is above disease
His name is above cancer
His name is above every other name
Yes it is

That is who You are
(That is who You are)
That is who You are
(That is who You are) Jesus
And that is who You are
(That is who You are)
Oh, I know that is who You are
That is who You are

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Osinachi Okoro

Way Maker lyrics © Capitol CMG Publishing, Integrity Music, Songtrust Ave

The end of an era

What do you do when something precious ends? Something you thought you’d never do. Something you thought would mean the end of you.

Does God still love me? Am I an unbeliever? Or have I come to the end of my rope and the only thing to do is let go and hope God is still my Abba.

I have doubted my salvation since my first wife left me, and now, with the end of a very long relationship coming to a close, I see God more clearly. Or do I?

The blessings of the relationship were significant and healing, but the limitations of the same were crushing and made me half insane.

I don’t want to cast myself into something else, but want the truth, and if that truth involves God and a future relationship with a good woman, then I will rejoice.

I hope my readers will not doubt God for my shortcomings, but rather know that there is a loving God who wants His children to be happy.

I used to tell myself that happiness was in Heaven, and that if I had to suffer on this Earth, that was okay, and it is okay, but unless I am wrong, God has shown me, oh man, what is good and what the Lord requires of me.

But to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with my God.

God be with you.

It’s a curious thing

I love to read. It’s a curious thing. I love to eat, too. I’m trying to read not just when I’m eating, and I’m trying not to read books with too many “F” bombs, but they seem to proliferate in many of the volumes I otherwise enjoy.

Is it because I’m trying to walk with Christ that I’m sensitive to cussing? Probably, but where there are a lot of swear and cuss words, it distracts me from the writing, and it dilutes the (bad but striking) impact of the bad words as well.

What am I saying? I’m saying that I don’t like reading bad words in books, but that if many writers persist, they seem to write better when they use them sparingly.

Is an occasional “F” bomb acceptable? No, but I am not all of these writers, I am just one reader.

And another thing: Do we have to dive deeper into depravity with every new show and book? Are we such addicts to crime and sex that writers have to increasingly attempt to shock us?

I would say that most of my writing, good or bad, is trying to steer readers in a better direction, and it is possible, that such a reading muscle might take time to develop.

Just as I have trouble reading without eating, I might have trouble seeing an upbeat book as an entertaining read.

So where does that leave us? Do we douse ourselves in the mire of sin? Or do we inch our way back from that precipice, and find our way back home?

I for one am becoming more sensitive to tales of illicit sex, brutal violence and other sinful stories. I hope we can all find a way back to a simpler time.

A time of unreality? No. A time of censorship? Not really, no.

I hope we can find our way back to enjoying a meal from a fine restaurant more than one culled from the trash, because I think we are getting used to dumpster diving, but maybe I am wrong.

I’d just like to take a literary journey, gritty and real, where I enjoy the process as much as the destination.

That’s my rant, that’s my jam.

Shock and suspicion

So, as noted, I had looked up my glomerular filtration rate (GFR), and was concerned that my physician did not tell me of the issue until I was at Stage 3B, but what kind of made my suspicious mind go into overdrive was when I noticed that my GFR records from Kaiser, showing >33 GFR, from prior to 2023, have gone missing. They are no longer available on the Kaiser website.

The tests are for creatinine and GFR; they are on the same report. The creatinine record goes back to 2011 when I started with Kaiser, and the GFR starts in 2023 at 28. I know that prior readings were >60, >50 and >30, but those are gone.

My nephrologist told me today that it is policy (as earlier noted) to not refer to Nephrology until Stage 3B, and that seems foolish.  I am very disappointed in this. Waiting until a patient is at a critical level of illness to inform them seems terrible as a policy. I was not able to ask my nephrologist about the medical records, and I have to ask Kaiser this coming week, what is going on.

So why are my GFR records gone? Does Kaiser have something to hide? The mystery unfolds…  Yes, I am perhaps melodramatic, but something definitely does not seem right.

However, my concern that my physician failed to refer me to a nephrologist until too late, was tempered by the knowledge that he was following hospital guidelines. Now my concern is, ‘Why does Kaiser wait that long to sound the alarm?!’

So even if my doctor acted in good faith, I personally think the policy should change. I don’t know anyone with cancer who’d want their medical provider to wait until their patient had Stage 3 cancer before informing them there was a problem. With cancer, one can even be cured, but with kidneys, there is seldom regeneration, so a CKD diagnosis is a one way journey to dialysis, transplant or death.

ꭥ

“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.”

— Psalm 9:9

Song of the Week

This week’s song is UFO by Larry Norman

This is one of my old favorites.

UFO

He’s an unidentified flying object
you will see Him in the air
He’s an unidentified flying object
you will drop your hands and stare
you will be afraid to tell your neighbors
they might think that it’s not true
but when they open up the morning papers
they will know they’ve seen Him too

He will come back like He promised
with the price already paid
He will gather up His followers
and take them all away

He’s an unidentified flying object
He will sweep down from the sky
He’s an unidentified flying object
some will sleep but will not die
He’s an unidentified flying object
coming back to take you home
He’s an unidentified flying object
He will role away your stone

and if there’s life on other planets
then I’m sure that He must know
and He’s been there once already
and has died to save their souls

He’s an unidentified flying object
you will see Him in the air
He’s an unidentified flying object
you will drop your hands and stare
He’s an unidentified flying object
coming back to take you Home
He’s an unidentified flying object
He will role away your stone

UFO is from Larry Norman’s album, In Another Land, but I used a different album cover, as I really like it. Here is the actual album cover:

Raymond, Denny and The Cologne

When I was young, I worked several restaurant jobs. I began as a dishwasher, moved to making espresso, then to making sandwiches, on to waiting tables, all in Berkeley, and then went back east and managed two cafes in Brooklyn, New York.

It was at the main cafe (there was a second, satellite location) that I was the part-time night waiter. They hired me on the spot, probably because I was the only waiter to use a resume when applying for the job. The full-time night waiter, a guy I’ll call Derrick, was a buddy of mine for about a week, until he was fired for dealing drugs (cocaine, I think), and then he disappeared, and I got his job.

I worked as the night waiter for a long time, and then filled in for the morning waiter on some shifts. That was more challenging as the breakfast menu had more items and complexity than the dessert menu, although desserts at night had to be sauced, whipped and garnished by the night waiter, to say nothing of the espresso drinks I had to make all day long whether a day or a night shift. I was a barista before they were called barista’s, not that that’s a big deal.

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But I made good money and my clientele liked me. And why not? I had a habit after being at the café for a while, of comping certain items for clients. One day the owner of the place pulled me aside and mentioned the comps. I’m not sure if I was nervous, but he said that whatever I was doing was working, and that I should keep it up at will. I was glad he wasn’t mad at me, and kept right on comping.

Later, people who worked at the cafés started taking stuff home. I did it too sometimes. I shouldn’t have, but I’d occasionally take a small cake or some bread or pastries. I think the owner didn’t mind but it was unethical. Eventually, one of the cooks was caught taking supply foods that were ingredients and other items, and he was fired. I don’t think the owners minded us taking small items home, but to take supplies and ingredients in large quantities hurt the business. 

Looking back, I think I’d have asked before taking things like cakes and pies home. The owners let us eat all the food we wanted when we were there, and so we should not have taken advantage. I don’t suppose they considered our free stuff stealing, but maybe it was. I do know that taking home milk and eggs and supplies from the walk-in and stockroom was not okay, and that the cook was not allowed to keep working there.

But I digress; this story is not about food or stealing, however wrong the taking of food (definitely) was. 

As I said, the night waiter was let go, and I got his position. I filled in for the day waiter, and then moved to days. Eventually, two more day waiters started there as well. I’ll refer to them as Raymond and Denny. They were like night and day. I guess you could say they were both a little light on their feet, but they were friendly and did their jobs well.

Raymond was a neat freak, kept his waiters’ station clean, butters just soft enough, supplies stocked, and was quick to get people taken care of. He was neat, clean and fast.

Denny was super fast, but he was very messy, casual, and apropos of nothing, I found out that loved to DJ at night. I never saw him perform, but he was quite a character.

They were both nice guys, but while Raymond had a steady friend, Denny did not seem to have anyone steady that I knew of. Not that I kept track of their love lives, as if.

After they’d worked for the cafe’s for some time, Raymond’s mother came to town. I think I met her but I don’t remember very clearly. There was a tragedy however. His mother died around that time. It seems she was allergic to some specific food, and accidentally ingested it and perished.

I felt really bad for Raymond. I am close to my mom (who she is still going strong today, thankfully), and losing her would have been a very hard thing for me. I think I gave Raymond a card or something, to try and console him. What I do recall is that he was so grateful that he gave me an expensive bottle of Georgio Armani cologne.

I liked to romance the cafe ladies, but failed to see the utility of his gift in that regard. I kept it for a long while, and then gave it to a male family member. My relative lassoed a wife around that time, and I didn’t marry until sometime later, but who knows how my love life would have gone had I worn the magic cologne on my few but coveted dates.

Raymond gave me a wonderful gift, and I regret not making better use of it, but I sometimes recall those past days, and the kindness of a fellow waiter.

Song for a Raggy Boy

Movie Review

Mild Spoiler Alert:

Aidan Quinn is William Franklin, a real-life schoolteacher, who goes to work at a boys reformatory.

There is severe abuse there, but Franklin makes a difference.

I won’t spoil it for you, but it is highly recommended.

Not for the squeamish, I didn’t want to watch the whole thing, but in the end, I was glad of the destination.

Song for a Raggy Boy is a harsh but crucial forerunner of the milder story, Dead Poet’s Society.

Sometimes heroes have unlikely backgrounds. I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover. I am not judging the hero’s politics, but he lived out Christianity, while his adversaries, clothed and named for Christ, failed utterly.

Distractions

So I spent a lot of time worrying about will my writing… was it any good? Would I ever make it as a traditionally published author? Would I lose my day job that I loved and needed so much? Would my marriage ever be all that I wanted it to be?

But at the end of the day it all came down to a single question: Would I be ready for the day when I leave this Earth?

I only have so many days. My kidney disease reminds me of that. I only have so many days. But that would be true even without the CKD.

Well I want to be ready for Him. Will I be ready to be with God? Will He take me on that day and bring me home to his Kingdom? Will I
rest in peace? Will I be really united with love ones who went before?

This is all that really matters.

What to do?

Having ideas that my past doctor may have mishandled my illness and with ideas about suing for malpractice, I asked a friend what she thought I should do. I specifically said that maybe I should ask the hospital why the doctor did what he did. And you know what she said? Ask the doctor. It was a principled approach, that I equated to what the Bible says:

  “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.

—Matthew 18:15

My friend is not a Christian, per se, but she gave wise counsel that was similar to the Bible’s teaching. I was impressed and appreciative. Of course, wisdom is not limited to churchgoers, and being Christian does not indicate wisdom is held. Wisdom is where you find it. Another friend thought that I should sue the doctor, or at least, warn the hospital so that the doctor would not allow another patient’s GFR to go down so low before taking action.

It is important to note that I have emailed the doctor to see what his response is. I have asked him why things went the way they did. Now he might defend himself against attack by rationalizing what he did, or maybe he was trying to protect me from the situation by not telling me what he feared. I guess I may never know. And maybe that’s okay, but I am kind of passive aggressive about the whole thing.

I’m not sure if I should even be writing about this , but no one other than my wife and the hospital knows who the doctor is.

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Please participate in my readers poll: Which of the below book covers do you prefer?

COVER 1

COVER 2

COVER 3

Song of the Week

From David Crowder Band…

The song of the week is from the former David Crowder Band, and How He Loves (us all), is a favorite, as it illustrates how fully God loves each and every one of His precious creations…

How He Loves

(here is an alternate source: from Spotify)

Lyrics

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And oh, how He loves us, oh
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us all

And He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy
When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

And, oh, how He loves us, oh
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us all

Yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

And we are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about, the way…

That He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

Yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

Yeah, He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: John Mark Mcmillan

How He Loves lyrics © Integrity’s Hosanna! Music