Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh's Blog, page 4

Is it Mother's Day if your kid hates you?

Today on the weekly "Laura & Friends Coffee Hour" I knew we'd taken on a tough topic: that fear that our kids will hate us for what we're doing to support them to recovery from their eating disorders.

After all, with most problems and illnesses, we're on the same side with our sons and daughters, the patients. They don't want to be unwell, and we want to help, and as hard as it might be to fight, the fight is together against the same thing. But with eating disorders we are often not only asking very unwelcome things of our loved one, we're having to face down anger that we're trying.

"I hate you" is not uncommon. And for a loving parent, that is really hard stuff. Not that it changes what we have to do, but it adds a layer of pain. We instinctively want our love to be reciprocated and appreciated. We want our concern to be seen as loving and appropriate, not abusive or coercive. We want to be on the same side.

And on Mother's Day these concerns are especially poignant. It's a day when the cards may be cheesy and the potholders less than glamorous, but the gesture is about love. Many moms won't be getting a card or even a smile this year because they are in the middle of care-giving a loved one who is not feeling loved or loving.

For all the moms out there who aren't getting a card this year, keep going. Next year's card will be the sweeter for being both genuine and from a space of recovery.

For the moms who not only don't get a day off from cooking but have to cook and serve an unwilling diner, keep going. One day you'll sit down to a meal that is not only not fraught but actually fun.

For moms who are feeling afraid, sad, disappointed, resentful, isolated, exhausted.... you are not alone. It gets better. You're doing the hardest job in the world, but one that ONLY MOMS CAN DO.

"When going through hell; KEEP GOING!"

And moms? A sense of humor is the best revenge!

Episode 14: Weight, wait, don't tell me!

Meet JD Ouellette, a parent advocate and peer support who sits down with Laura to talk about weight stigma in families, treatment, and advocacy. Full show notes at http://circummensam.com

Check out this episode!

Lessons learned on first "Laura & Friends Coffee Hour"

So, I had this idea. I'd just schedule an hour in the week and invite parent caregivers of those with eating disorders to gather in real time to talk. I was unsure of exactly how to manage it, and not sure how many people would be interested, but I figured what the heck I'd just START.

Because I really love talking with other caregivers. I love their insights, their triumphs, their staggeringly fierce love for their sons and daughters. And people keep asking for these opportunities.

This morning we gave it a whirl. Technical problems abounded, but the participants were so patient and generous with their time. We were joined, as I plan on all the calls, by a friend I know whose caregiving exemplifies the theme of the week. 

This week it was "Finding the Courage." Each participants had their own stories of courage and overcoming fear.

I was impressed by how each of us described the helpful role of "fear." Fear enabled us to do things that we never planned to HAVE to do. We also compared our experiences around working with our professional teams and having the courage of our convictions. It was heroic parenting 101.

The technical glitches made it appropriately imperfect so I have something to work on this week before next Saturday when we discuss "What if they hate us for the rest of their lives?" An OUTSTANDING experienced parent friend of mine will be on the call, too. Join us!


Oh, and please, if you or someone you know is dealing with a new eating disorder diagnosis please consider a Starfish Package? I put them together at my house, one by one, and walk them down to the local post office to Priority Mail them. They're the price of a small bouquet of flowers, but they contain vital information, timely comfort, and a bit of sass needed to get empowered and ready to meet the challenge ED dishes out.


And make sure to check out this Monday's episode of NEW PLATES, too. My guest is JD Ouellette, the parent advocate, and our topic is weight. The title is: "Weight Wait Don't Tell Me!" Subscribe on iTunes Podcasts or get on the Circum Mensam mailing list!

London event for parents of those with eating disorders

F.E.A.S.T. is putting on an event for parents in London June 3!

Exciting chance for UK families to meet other caregiving parents and to hear from F.E.A.S.T. parent mentors from UK, Australia, and New Zealand.

Space limited, register now:

EXPERTS AT YOUR TABLE, JUNE 3

A half-day conference for parents and professionals on how to work together to beat eating disorders.

Podcasts About Eating Disorders

Podcasting is still not a well-understood idea. Everyone's HEARD of them now, but not everyone's listening to them or gets how they work. There seem to be two kinds of people, mostly: those whose commutes and housecleaning are dull wastes of time, and those who look forward to them. I'm one of the latter.

I'm a fan, but also a podcaster. Two years ago, after being a great listener of a wide range of podcasts, I went ahead and learned the other side: the recording, editing, producing, and publishing of these audio morsels. For my first project I picked something entirely out of my usual interests or comfort zone: "sex over 50" from the perspective of a prude. I researched the topic, got out there and found interviewees, studied audio design and the technicalities of publishing, and put in a year of work building an audience. And then, as planned, I stepped down and gave it to others to carry on. It was fun, it was enlightening, and I learned heaps.

Naturally, I'm applying that set of skills to my new podcast, NEW PLATES, around the topic of my work: eating disorders recovery. And as I get out there I find people in the ED world not that familiar with podcasts so part of my mission of spreading the word on what I do is helping others find good podcasts on the topic as well as helping out anyone who wants to start podcasting.

In that spirit, I want to point you all to the other eating disorder-related podcasts out there:

Eating disorder recovery podcast, with Tabitha FarrarED Matters, with Kathy CorteseThe Recovery Warrior Show, with Jessica RaymondThe Love, Food Podcast, with Julie Duffy DillonEating disorder recovery podcast, with Janean Anderson
and, of course, NEW PLATES PODCAST with me, Laura Collins Lyster-Mensh!
A shout-out, also, to the Eating Recovery Center Foundation's podcast list, curated by the estimable informationist, Millie Plotkin, which lists podcasts along with all other ED literature and media at: Eating Disorder Information Gateway. 

Episode 13: The At Home With Eating Disorders conference for parents and carers in Sydney is coming up soon! Meet Nicki Wilson, going for her third time!

In a quick mini-episode, meet Nicki Wilson, a parent advocate in New Zealand, to chat with Laura about the upcoming At Home With Eating Disorder conference in Sydney. Hear about the friendly, accessible, helpful, and empowering bi-annual event co-sponsored by F.E.A.S.T., the Butterfly Foundation, and ANZAED. Full show notes at http://www.circummensam.com

Check out this episode!

Episode 12: Eating Disorders Coalition Advocacy Day on Capitol Hill

Laura joins fellow advocates on Capitol Hill for the Eating Disorders Coalition for Advocacy Day in April 2017. Full show notes at http://www.circummensam.com

Check out this episode!

Episode 11: Meet the Mother/Son Team behind Gurze-Salucore

 

Laura is back from IAEDP in Las Vegas and introduces you to Kathryn and Michael Cortese, the team behind Gürze/Salucore Eating Disorders Resource Catalogue (www.edcatalogue.com) and the ED Matters. Also, news from the world of eating disorder research.

Full show notes at: http://www.circummensam.com/new-plate...

Check out this episode!

Episode 10: Meet Dr. Tarah Martos, a Licensed Psychologist on the cutting edge of evidence-based eating disorder treatment

Guest:

Dr. Tarah Martos, Post-Doctoral Psychology Fellow and Licensed Psychologist
 
Mentioned:
Laura will be at the IAEDP (International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals Foundation) Symposium in Las Vegas this week. If you are attending please reach out!
 
Visit F.E.A.S.T., an organization of parents supporting parents around the world as they help sons and daughters recover from eating disorders. Laura is the new Outreach Director.
Dr. Sarah Ravin (Clinician Faces Old Ideas As She Pursues New Career, March 1, 2009)
#TryPod
Invisibilia Podcast (episode “How To Become Batman” from January 2015)

Full show notes at: http://www.circummensam.com/new-plate...

Check out this episode!

Joining F.E.A.S.T. as Outreach Director

So delighted to share that I have accepted a position at F.E.A.S.T. as Outreach Director. I am enjoying the challenge of refamiliarizing myself with the community, with the volunteers, and the possibilities for parent advocacy. I look forward to the ideas, feedback, and collaboration!!

F.E.A.S.T. continues to be a unique beacon: focused on the needs, talents, and perspective of parents supporting their sons and daughters during eating disorder treatment. It is international, it is focused on good science, and it is all about collaboration within the eating disorders community and outreach to the public.

I want to thank the F.E.A.S.T. board of directors, in particular the Chair, Erica Husain, for this opportunity. Also special gratitude to Leah Dean, who has been our Executive Director for several years and continues to serve the parent community in her capacity at the Academy for Eating Disorders. I look forward to working with Belinda Caldwell, current Executive Director, and the lovely volunteers around the world. So much to do: and a stellar track record of getting things done!

In my advocacy I am always impressed by the quality and passion of advocates. I've been around the world and involved in many industries and causes but frankly, the eating disorder community is unique and dear, dear, dear to my heart!