C. Miller's Blog, page 6

Eat, Sleep, Write: Podcast Interview with Charles E. Yallowitz

Originally posted on Legends of Windemere:

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A little over a week ago, I sat down for an interview with Adam Scull who runs Eat, Sleep, Write.  Well, it’s up now and you can click on the picture at the bottom to hear it.

It’s about world-building in fantasy, which was a great topic for my first big podcast interview.  I talk a little about my experiences in self-publishing too.  I think everyone will have some fun and I hope I didn’t stutter or race through my words too much.  You can tell I was nervous.

If anyone wants to share the link to this interview then I’d greatly appreciate it.  Enjoy.

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Playing Catch-Up: Birthday, Geographer, Skyrim, New Book

The last couple weeks have been a bit . . . hectic. I suppose that would be a word to call it, but I’m not entirely sure anyone else would agree with me. Hectic for me might be a little more appropriate. If I move out of my shed in general, that makes my life feel hectic. Silly, but that’s just how it is.

Between my last post and now, I had a birthday that put me one step closer to thirty. I still have a few more years left until that milestone, but it does feel somewhat strange to be undeniably closer to thirty than twenty. I think I said last year around this time that it was nice to finally ‘feel my age,’ but I guess the best way to say that is: “I’m finally at an age that’s closer to what I feel.” Or I’m getting there, I suppose.

Birthdays are a bitter time for me. (If anyone wants a good dose of [hilarious] bitterness, check out Bitter Ben‘s blog.) I don’t know why that is, but they just are. Maybe it’s the wrinkles I’m getting on my forehead from scrunching my face up all the time. (I guess parents are right when saying your face DOES stick that way. Mine is certainly doing as much. -_-) Every birthday is just another bit of validity as to why they’re showing up (those wrinkles). Maybe it’s just that I don’t like getting gifts. Maybe I don’t like the attention (I don’t, which is why I’m MORE THAN FINE with hardly anyone knowing when my birthday actually is).

Now, Husband knows I’m not the biggest fan of gifts. I’m also not a fan of surprises in general, as I like to have as much control over my life as possible (not really possible, but don’t burst my bubble with this). He got me a surprise before my birthday. That was two tickets for us to go see my favorite band, Geographer, again. After the initial overload of all the things I was going to have to mentally prepare myself for (PEOPLE?! I HAVE TO BE AROUND PEOPLE?!) and things I had to get sorted (I HAVE TO BE AWAKE AT A CERTAIN TIME?!), we were super excited about it. Cut to the evening of this show and there a line of storms sat, RIGHT OVER the interstate we would have to drive for a couple hours to reach our destination. Our car isn’t the best in the rain. I have anxiety attacks every time there’s a downpour here because our car is REALLY not the best in the rain.

As much as I love Geographer (which is such ridiculous amounts that you can’t even imagine), we discussed the situation and decided it wasn’t worth potentially dying over. They will tour again, and I will see them then. But I was sad. Very, very sad. I’m STILL sad.

You have NO IDEA how amazing they are live. Seriously. If they weren’t so amazing and I didn’t love them so much, I wouldn’t put myself in a crowded room of people that can all potentially bump into me. (Please excuse me while I go [mentally] vomit at the thought of being in such close proximity to that many people. Don’t ask me how you can mentally vomit. I do it all the time, but can’t explain it.)

Anyway. Sad.

If you’ve liked my Facebook page, then you might’ve seen the update on there where I was also complaining (on the night of that missed show) about how I had played Skyrim and couldn’t stop thinking about snowberries. Still having that problem, but it comes and goes. I played that again for a little while yesterday. Let me just say that I save that game a ridiculous amount of times due to all the anger and rage (*Jeremy Clarkson voice for ital. there*) I feel when dying and losing even five minutes of playing. (ALL THOSE ALCHEMY INGREDIENTS THAT I’LL HAVE TO PICK UP AGAIN!) So yeah, played it yesterday. Didn’t save for about an hour. Died. Lost all those alchemy ingredients. Turned it off.

I should write a post about WHY that game made me so angry that I couldn’t play it for such a long time. I might do that.

I know I haven’t been on here in a while (two weeks), but I did write up a few things that I may (or may not) post at some point in the future. They weren’t the typical book-type stuff. They had/have nothing to do with that at all and are essentially me just rambling off about random things. (Like Star Wars and Batman, not together.) Might post them at some point.

I’ve also been writing on the new book/series, which has (surprise, surprise) taken up most of my time. I had one night where I finished four chapters. (Longer ones.) Don’t ask me how. Most of the time was spent in the same way as before, with me having a bit of trouble (or more than) getting it out.  There was one night that I sat here trying to write, and at the halfway point of my awake time . . . I still hadn’t completed a chapter. It’s been frustrating, but despite the odds . . .

I HAVE FINISHED WRITING THE SECOND BOOK OF THIS NEW SERIES.

It both went how I intended and didn’t at the same time. Certain things (all of it) took longer than I thought they would take, which caused me to leave it off before I was sure it would be left off. I suppose that doesn’t matter. This series is kind of different from any of the others I’ve done. Every book in those other ones have been one part of a larger whole. This entire series is just . . . one long story rather than the individual pieces. At least it’s seeming to look that way.

I don’t know if I said before, but I’ve written one of my favorite characters ever in this series. Probably my second-favorite non-MC ever. That’s made it a lot more fun than I think it would’ve been if he wasn’t there. Anyway, I need to update my What’s in the works? page now that I’ve finished that one up.

On to the next, I suppose.

Hope everyone has been well! :)

Also, I’m going to see Godzilla this weekend and I am STOKED. O.o

Sorry this was so long. I’ve been trying to keep them shorter, but it’s been a while . . .

Writing and Releasing . . .

I wasn’t actively writing on a different series around the time I released Reave. I honestly can’t remember what I was doing when it came time for me to say, “All right, this is what I’m focusing on and there’s nothing else in the world.” I don’t even think I was editing, but I could be wrong about that when considering all I did work-wise for months and months was EDITEDITEDIT. I honestly don’t know and I’m feeling too lazy to look back through my blog and check. Yes, I am that forgetful, where I would need to go through here to figure out what I was doing at any given time. (I know when I wrote whichever books, but apart from that, everything blurs.)

You see . . . I have a one-track mind. I do one thing until I’m done with it, then I move on. If I try to do something else, I’m constantly thinking about the one thing. That distracts me from doing anything else satisfactorily. Such is life. Anyway, I’ve been trying to get better with that, and there for a while . . . I was. I was doing the time-splitting thing, where I would be on here/Twitter/etc. for half my work hours, then editing (because I wasn’t writing at that time) for the rest. But the honest truth is that it drives me insane. I don’t like to be fixating on something when I’m doing something else. That worked better with editing than it did/does with writing. I get ‘editing-brain’ a few hours in, and everything turns into a haze of WORDS, so cutting the time isn’t a bad idea there. (Obviously it worked better when editing, because I haven’t been on here often since I started writing the new series.)

I’m on the second book of that new series (which—as of now—is comprised of an undetermined number of books), and I’m a pretty decent amount through it at that. It currently rests at about 40k words. That’s approximately halfway through where I typically leave them off when writing. By the time I’m through editing, they usually end up at around 100k. It works for me. I was going to explain about my editing and why it goes the way it does, but that’s a bigger digression than I intended in this so I’m just going to leave it now and save it for a different entry.

My point is that I’m right in the thick of this story. The first book (foundation) is over, and it’s getting bigger, more exciting, etc.

Here is my issue (of sorts, but not really):

New Series will have to be put on the back-burner while I refocus on the Reave Series. I’ll be having to get book 2 ready. After it’s released, I’ll do another edit of books 3 and 4 before anything else. That’s just the way it goes. I work in straight lines.

I’m wondering if that’s been my issue with writing over the past week and a half/two weeks or so. In the back of my mind, I know I’m getting ready to have to turn onto a different road and switch gears. I think I’m already sort of distancing myself from this new one, and yes, that’s all good and whatnot (it’s what I have to do). But it makes me sad. While the writing (so far) isn’t as good as I’ll say the trilogy I wrote between the Reave Series and this one was/is . . . it’s the most fun I’ve had since. At least the most consistent fun. It’s not as stressful as the trilogy was (and still is when editing). I don’t have the knowledge that I will NEVER RELEASE IT in my head like I did with the other trilogy I started between the trilogy I did finish and this. (Sorry, that was a bit confusing.) I’m sad because it’s been a thoroughly enjoyable experience thus far (apart from when I hit a brick wall at the beginning and spent a month trying to figure out how to get around it).

I guess that doesn’t matter.

The Reave Series gets top priority for now because out of ALL THESE BOOKS Herald (again, laptop) is storing for me . . . it’s the only one that’s RTG. (Or as close to ready-to-go as it currently can be.)

Don’t ask me what I’m going to do when I have the last bit of the Reave series RTG, along with the trilogy AND this new series. Admittedly, the latter probably won’t be at that point until book 4 is out. I say that, but who really knows? That will all depend on time between releases and how much attention I get to focus on it.

I only have one more edit on the trilogy before I’m ready for beta-readers to get their hands on it. I’m not going to do that until after I finish writing this one and do the first run-through of it. I should. I know I should, but still. Not gonna.

Wow, I rambled like crazy in this.

My apologies.

The entire point is that I’m having to switch gears.

Book 2 is already in the hands of a couple beta-readers, and the instant I get the first of those back . . .

I won’t be able to touch this new one for quite a while.

BUT . . . I am SO EXCITED that I’ll be releasing it soon. I like it so much better than the first, and I’m really looking forward to seeing if everyone else does as well. :)

End-note: After all the confusion of explaining which series and whatnot . . . I really feel like I should make a new page on here that explains all of them (as much as I will). Like, “Hey, this is what’s in the works, this is what I’ve done, and this is what I’m doing RIGHT NOW.” Then I could consistently update it (as much as I consistently update ANYTHING), and maybe it won’t be as confusing.

Maybe that would make it worse . . .

I don’t know.

Hm. Also thinking about making a FAQ page . . .

 

Sorry. This was all over the place.

News of varying importance . . . (Includes information about book 2 in the Reave Series!)

Look, I’m posting on here again before June!

I have a few updates . . .

Writing on the new series is going a bit slower than what I’m accustomed to. I’ve been lucky to get a chapter done a night over the past week or so, and I can sometimes manage four (or more) on a good night. (Keep in mind the chapters in most of my books are relatively short, and also that getting it out at that speed is probably a decent explanation as to why I have to do so many subsequent edits . . .) I still think it’s going well overall. I’m happy with it, but I am doing something a bit different in this one and that might be contributing to the lack of speed. I’m not sure. Might just be due to all the stuff on my mind. I’m trying not to be frustrated, but I feel like time is a limited resource and I want to ensure it’s being used productively. Still, I’m happy with it (the series) and shouldn’t complain about anything. (I do complain a lot, sometimes . . .)

I got my first request (of sorts) for Reave to be turned into an audiobook. It was more a question on whether it would, but if someone wants/needs it in that format, then I’m turning it into a request. I have to do more looking into it, but hopefully I can possibly get that sorted at some point in the future (whether distant or near . . . I don’t have a clue.) Another author (A. Michael Schwarz) directed me to ACX a while back. Does anyone have experience with them? I can (and will) look that up, but I definitely wouldn’t mind hearing from someone on here about it. That goes for that particular site or any other means of getting books turned into audiobooks.

I’ve recruited a new beta-reader for book 2 in the Reave series. I say ‘recruited,’ but I don’t know if that’s appropriate. I thought I was going to scare her off because the first direct interaction I had with her was a 2k-word message full of ranting, rambling, and digressing. Instead, she offered me cupcakes. I’m happy. And I’m definitely looking forward to more input on it before release (along with cupcakes).

Which brings me to the most important news . . .

The cover art for book 2 in the Reave Series is in the works!

It’s going to be a little while before that’s all done. (Not a super long little while, but a little while.)

I was hoping that after releasing Reave I would have a better idea about making actual release dates. I know I should get that down. I guess I’m just not at a place in my life where everything is . . . erm . . . stable enough to say, “Yes, this is when this is happening. For sure. No changes.” (That goes for anything.) I hope for that one day, but alas . . . it is not this day.

Getting (quality) books released is the most important thing. So I’ve just been doing what I could, when I could, where I could, and that is seriously all I can do.

With Reave, I gave a projected release date, which (if memory serves . . . and it usually doesn’t) I hit. I’m doing the same thing with book 2, and will hopefully hit that as well.

Projected release date of BOOK 2: Mid-June.

That very well might get pushed back a bit. It all depends on whether things go according to plan (they sometimes do). That is the plan.

 

On a personal note (or several) . . . it’s almost my birthday. Pretty close to. Not happy about that. My husband had his birthday recently, and we spent the day (night) watching movies and playing Diablo III. That was enjoyable. :) (Pacific Rim was . . . interesting, by the way. Exactly what I expected, so no disappointment there.)

Also, my niece (who will be going into 5th grade next year) started running, to do cross country at her school next year. She’s doing over a mile in about ten minutes or so, and that’s just spectacular with no practice whatsoever. (I believe that’s what my sister said. She and I both mumble often, so it’s sometimes hard for us to converse at the gym.) Anyway, I’m extremely proud of her and just wanted to mention that on here!

Hope everyone is spectacular. And I will keep you all updated on book 2 news! :)

 

(Another ‘also’ . . . If anyone wants to review Reave, let me know!)

Oh, hello there.

I haven’t been on here in nearly a month. Coming off a three week break BEFORE this unannounced absence . . . I feel kind of bad.

As usual, I’ll spout off my excuses:

I was sick. I really was. For about two weeks or so, my body was bound and determined to keep me feeling like absolute garbage.

I’ve been writing. Granted, I have no idea how the writing went during the worst of that ‘I’m sick’ stuff. I’m guessing I’ll have to do a ridiculous (RIDICULOUS) amount of editing on it. Thing is . . . I do that anyway. No harm done there.

That’s really all that’s been going on here, for the most part. Made a few nail polishes and whatnot, and that was fun. I think I played Tropico one day, or maybe two. I honestly can’t remember. That might be due to the KICKING MIGRAINE I currently have (being unable to remember). Not sure.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to get as much writing as possible in on this new series. Given 3/4 of all my blog posts are me talking about how impossible I find ‘balancing’ . . . I suppose it makes sense that I haven’t been on here. It’s been really good for me, I think. It’s been a LONG while since I’ve had/made the time to get a substantial amount of writing done. And getting a substantial amount of writing done I am.

I’ll probably keep up this trend for at least a little while longer, depending on. Don’t ask me, “Depending on what?” because I honestly wouldn’t have an answer for that as of now. (I’ll add again about the migraine and how it’s hindering my ability to form proper thoughts. Don’t ask me why I’m even posting right now when I don’t have a clue what I’m saying.)

I need to update the links on the My Book section because Reave is available in more places than just Amazon. I should probably do that. I’ve been intending to for . . . a long while. During that long while, the thought process was: I should probably do that. I’m going to do that. Oh, hey, I’m doing this other thing that takes me all day rather than doing the thing that would take all of five minutes THEN that other thing.

I also need to check around and see if anyone wants to review Reave. I should probably do that as well. Yep.

Does anyone else get ridiculously stressed out over that sort of stuff? Like the, ‘I for real need to do this and not doing it stressing me out waaaaay worse than actually doing it or maybe it isn’t and maybe the other would stress me out worse and I just GAAAAAAAAAAAAH’ ??

Yes, that was an absolutely horrendous run-on sentence. I make no apologies. That was totally how it went down in my head, or . . . how it WOULD have, if my head was not currently torturing me.

I should really stop writing because pretty much all I’m talking about is my migraine.

I hope everyone has been doing well the last several weeks. If you haven’t been, I’m sorry and I would give you a hug if I could. Unless you’re like me and have issues with physical proximity, in which case we could all give one another a wide berth and call it a day.

Toodaloo.

(I probably shouldn’t be writing anything right now . . .)

 

I’ve been doing stuff.

Last time I was on here, Fable was consuming my life. I’m glad to say I finished that all up (for the most part) a few days after. I guess the awesome thing about cutting back on posts for whatever reason(s) is that I feel like I actually have some stuff to say.

The past couple weeks have gone like this:

Finished Fable 3. Rather than writing on the new book, I’ve been editing the trilogy. I started going to the gym with my sister and my husband. Feeling better in a lot of ways because of that. I have more energy and am somehow more tired at the same time. I got distracted early into editing the last book of that trilogy (a couple days ago). I was looking through Herald’s memory and realized that I’m missing part of the spin-off I started writing for that one. I wanted to break the world that day (because I HATE REWRITING). Doing more work was out of the question with all the anger and rage, so I tried out what I was talking about in ALL THE COLORS. It did not work. Yesterday I didn’t work at all, which was mostly due to timing and other plans. Husband and I went to see Divergent. I was PLEASANTLY surprised by it and I really think it’s one of the best YA book-to-movie adaptations so far. (Side-note: The Maze Runner looks amazing, but I haven’t read the books yet. Might wait on that.) After returning home from all that, it was too late to go to sleep because I had a basketball game to watch last night and there was no hope in the world I could sleep for a few hours and wake up for it. I was up for about 24 hours. I did not make it long enough to watch the game. (I’m so thankful for DVR.) Now here we are.

I’ll admit that I didn’t realize it had been QUITE as long as it had since I’d been on here last. I guess I was just really caught up in editing, but I reckon that’s understandable when it’s been such a long time since going through that trilogy. It’s been difficult trying to work on it because there are just SO many details, and all the time that’s passed, etc.

Still, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by that as well. It definitely has it’s problems, but most of them are fix-able. (Apart from anything having to do with my capabilities. There’s also the timeline flub in the last that I’m STILL not quite sure how to fix.) I really think it won’t be long before I’m ready to let that one be read, which I mentioned on Facebook after finishing up with the second. There’s something in the first that I definitely need an opinion on. My mom has been asking me about it, but I’m terrified to let her read that one despite asking her to. O.o

I’m not sure how often I’ll be on here. I really want to get that trilogy (closer-to) ready. I just feel better in general when I don’t have a list of five million (exaggeration) things I need to be working on all at the same time. If I get that one to the ‘wait point’ (where the Reave Series currently is), then it will just be writing until the first ‘wait’ is no longer a ‘wait’. (Then more editing…)

At least I’ve been doing what I know I need to where the books are concerned (which is editing and not-writing), even if it bums me out a bit. I’ll get there eventually. I just want to have them as close to ready as I can get them.

So yeah, I’m really not sure how often I’ll be on here to say one way or the other, but just know that I’m working (for the most part) and trying to get more books ready to be released for those who are waiting. :)

I really hope everyone has been well the past couple weeks and whatnot. :)

I have a problem . . .

That problem is: Fable.

When taking my break, I played the first one a bit – for a few minutes here and there. The day after I returned from my break, I was sitting here in my shed and it was absolutely all I could think about. It was all I wanted to do. I’m pretty sure that was mostly because I hadn’t been able to sit down and actually PLAY it.

So . . . that’s what I’ve been doing. I beat the first one several days ago, then the second last night. Started the third.

Normally I’m a completionist when I game. I MUST get/do absolutely everything there is. I’m sure that could be explained away with many of my personality traits (nice name for them), but I won’t get into that. At the beginning of the first, I accepted that there was no way to do as much with Fable (unless I wanted to be ‘bad’ in the game, which I have issues with doing, as silly as that is). So it’s been more a race to the finish line with it rather than a journey.

I’ve had a lot of guilty feelings this week. Partially due to me declaring myself returned and whatnot. Partially because I wasn’t working at all, which just feels WRONG. But it was beneficial.

I somehow worked out a big portion of the plot of this newest WIP while not working on it (past thinking). And believe me when I say I’m not good at multitasking. I do one thing at a time and focus on it, so even being able to THINK about this new book – let alone work stuff out with it – was nothing short of miraculous to me. Several days into gaming, I realized I was essentially running through it just so I could beat them all and get back to work. It isn’t that I’m not enjoying them or the time spent (I am), but I love working.

I also did some thinking about my blogging schedule and whatnot. I liked doing the three posts a week, I really did. I just think that for now I won’t be able to do as much. I’m still not so exceptional at juggling all the work plates (does that make sense?), and I really don’t know that I need to make it worse than it needs to be. Maybe if I didn’t intentionally stack so many plates, I wouldn’t have such trouble juggling them, which would lead to me not wearing myself down and breaking them all.

So I think for now I’m going to post AT LEAST once a week. I’ll do more if I have the time without stressing myself out. It would probably (MOST ASSUREDLY) help if I stopped typing up posts and not actually . . . POSTING them. Yeah, that would probably be one of the best bets.

I guess I just kind of struggle with wondering what I SHOULD be doing. Should I spend more of my time working/writing or spend more of it on here and Twitter, etc.? It all seems important, which is why I was time-splitting equally for a few months there. Maybe it’s realizing I probably only have a few months left with my shed and that I need to utilize my time with it. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to write if I don’t have it anymore, or the equivalent of it. Will I ever HAVE the equivalent of it again? I’m not sure about that either. I’m not comfortable if my chair is moved a quarter of an inch one way or another, so I don’t know if I’ll find another ‘comfortable’ place again. :/

That’s all been stuff I’ve thought about the past week or so, and I HAVE thought about it before. Maybe I’m just thinking that people would rather have less updates about what I’m doing if it meant I could get more books out there. And maybe that’s just from seeing so many people say they can’t wait to read the next book in the series. I don’t know. But I feel for now that I need to be working. I don’t think that’s wrong. Doesn’t help in getting the word out there about anything, but we all know I suck at that anyway. XD

So I’m going to go inside, play Fable 3 until I beat it, then get back to work. That’s the plan.

Hope everybody has a really great week.

REAVE | A Review

C. Miller:

An absolutely spectacular review for Reave. I just had to share.

Originally posted on We Read Alone:

These are bleak times, when men are savages who do what they like when they like, and when women are treated like property, to be passed around like so many baubles, to do demeaning tasks, and to get absolutely no praise for their efforts. The leaders of this world use others to maintain order in what would otherwise be a chaotic place — by any means necessary. These Reapers kill on command, and they’re generally seen to be heartless machines, but things are not always as they seem. This is the world of

Reave

, the debut novel from an up-and-coming author,

C. Miller

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Mercury In Retrograde?

I’ll admit I’d never even heard of that until recently, on some episode of a TV show that I can’t remember (horrible memory). I want to say it was The Big Bang Theory, but I could totally be wrong about that. While I’ll admit I find that sort of stuff interesting and used to check horoscopes often when I was younger, I’ve never really legitimately put stock in it. It was more, “Oh, wow. That describes me almost perfectly.” (If you look up the description of a Taurus? Yep, that’s me.) Or, “I had a day like that today. That’s kind of cool.”

Obviously I’ve been taking my break for a few weeks now, since the day after Mercury went into retrograde, apparently. And it’s a bit funny thinking about it now that I read an article an hour or so ago that said it is no longer IN retrograde. Or something. I could’ve read it wrong. I wasn’t paying too much attention.

I’d been feeling extremely overwhelmed in the week or so before that break began, partially due to making such little leeway with my workload and partially due to a personal issue that came up out of nowhere and seemed to push me over some cliff of partial insanity. So that day or so before I started the break, I really did feel insane and honestly just horrible. (If you couldn’t tell the ‘horrible’ by the tone of the last entry . . .)

Why the Mercury thing is so funny is because of the way the break went/has gone/whatever. I got a lot accomplished during that time, I suppose. I finished up this run-through of Book 4 in the Reave series, inputting changes included. That meant I FINALLY could start working on something else until Book 2 is closer to release.

I can’t tell you how unbelievably STOKED I was to be able to write, especially while on a break where everyone knew I wouldn’t be posting things, etc. That would give me DAYS of work-time where I didn’t have to do ANYTHING ELSE. I was stoked.

I did have a bit of a struggle with myself over what I SHOULD do. What I SHOULD do is another run-through of the trilogy I wrote last year, which I hope to release relatively soon. But I’ve essentially been editingeditingediting for months. It’s all I’ve been doing work-wise since before I released Reave. I wanted to WRITE.

So I sat down that first free day, messed around a bit with that standalone I started. I was unhappy with it for any number of reasons. Maybe because I already know what happens (and it has to happen precisely how it does, which makes getting it out difficult for me). Maybe because it’s about my favorite character in the series (apart from Aster) and I almost feel like that’s . . . hollowed ground (I mean no offense by that) and should not be stepped upon, even by me who MADE THE GROUND. I dunno, but either way, I soon turned meh about it.

The next day, I started writing what happens AFTER the series. That was all for my own amusement and I have zero intention of releasing it ever. (It would take a LOT of bribery. And for future reference, yes, I take any form of cake for bribing purposes). My mom said I might change my mind about that, but I doubt it. The series ends EXACTLY how it’s supposed to end, and again with the hollowed ground thing. Just felt wrong stepping past. Obviously I know what happens after, and that’s part of the problem. It’s been driving me insane for over a year and I just want it out of my head. Still, I doubt my own ability to do justice to it and where it sits now is perfect for a spin-off I plan on writing at some point.

I worked on that for about two days or so (which was a LOT of writing), then unexpectedly turned meh about that as well. Messing around with the Reave series just felt so wrong. And also . . . I’d like to write more books that I might intend to RELEASE. Makes sense, right?

SO.

I started a new series. This one has been playing around in my head since last year. I didn’t think I wanted to attempt tackling it yet because I’ve only wrote one series out of the ‘YA’ genre (that trilogy I mentioned) and I still find myself a bit uncomfortable with the things I’m comfortable with (or not). The cursing seems more natural, but I think there’s just something that’s telling me, “People are going to have problems with you dropping the F-bomb twice in the same speaking paragraph.” Oops. I don’t have control over them. They say/do what they want. That’s why it all seems more natural to me, because I’m not censoring them as much. I’ve also realized that no matter how much I enjoy reading in the YA genre, I enjoy writing OUT of it (apart from the stray sex scene that happens when out, which thinking about still makes me squeamish due to not wanting to pull the ‘cut-off’ card [GAH-THE WORDS!]).

Anyway, I wasn’t quite sure I was ready to tackle this series, but it was the one that wanted out of my head, so I started it.

So here I sat, and what happened? First page in I realized:  ’. . . . . . . . This is not ANYTHING how I thought it would be.’

Then I went through a struggle of: ‘What am I going to do with this?’ ‘Where is this going?’ ‘Why am I acting like I have ANY say in where it goes?’ ‘WTF-Bomb am I even DOING?’

The next several days were spent with copious hours of me staring at Herald’s face (my laptop screen), trying to figure something out while knowing I only have so much say in what happens. The beginnings are always pretty difficult, before the characters are ‘fully-formed’. I have more of a say. The more control I lose, the easier it is to write. On day three (I think – again with the horrible memory), it started picking up a bit. Still not the usual pace, and I blamed that on my frustration over it CONSISTENTLY being not what I wanted it to. Granted, it might be better possibly than I thought (maybe in some ways), but that’s not the point.

The point is: Why do I let these stories drive me insane for a year (or YEARS), then sit down to write them only to have them turn out to be nothing like I expected? Yes, it’s surprising and that’s awesome (among other things). I repeat: YEARS. (What is up with all the colons in this?) I just wonder why I have to think about them for so long. It’s a bit frustrating . . .

I don’t know what happened, but the whole time I was away, I was battling with not being ‘in the mood’. Not in the mood for writing? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? I didn’t know.

So I took a break from my break. I went out of my shed, inside, and got Netflix just so I could finally watch Sherlock. That consumed my life for the last couple days. I’m not even going to get INTO Sherlock past that. Past that and saying again that I WANT BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH TO NARRATE MY LIFE. (You are typing. You are typing. You are drinking coffee.) Gah, that would be spectacular. Is it really asking for so much?

I’m digressing.

The entire break, I was having blogging withdrawals, which I count as a good sign. I’ve even typed up three separate entries to post, then didn’t because I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to END the break JUST THEN. I didn’t get as much writing done as I should have, after all.

While I’ll say the break was fantastic for getting into a different headspace than what I was, I’ll add that the one I got into wasn’t EXACTLY the goal. I wanted to utilize the time in the most productive ways I could, and . . . I didn’t really. I just wanted to play Fable and watch TV. I did get stuff done though, with the editing and whatnot.

But in three weeks (I think exactly), I should’ve been able to get a LOT more done than what I did. I believe the not-working at times was also good for me. I could debate with myself about the benefits of staring at Herald’s face for hours on end and how there doesn’t seem to be any apart from the stray paragraph or two added. But that’s a paragraph or two more than what I had before, and the NEED-TO-WORK part of me would rather that than stare at a TV screen doing nothing. (Adding again that obviously exceptions were made with Benedict Cumberbatch speaking.)

I woke up today and was like, “Yeah, okay. Gotta get back to all this other stuff. I really have to.” (Then the argument of, “But . . . . . I didn’t get all this stuff done that I wanted to.” Then the counter-argument of, “I gotta,” which put an end to my mental whining.)

The entire point of this RIDICULOUSLY LONG (apologies) entry was to say: I woke up today feeling more like myself. And I think it’s a bit ironic that I was an absolute mess version of not-myself during the ENTIRETY of Mercury being in retrograde.

So now I’ll add, “Damn you, Mercury. I blame you and your retrograding for my lack of utilizing time.”

In short, which I could’ve said from the get-go . . . I am now returned from my break and will be catching up with everything I said I would do and didn’t actually during it. Hope everyone has been well and that Mercury didn’t get to you too.

If you actually read all of this, feel free to imagine me either clapping or giving you a hug, whichever you’d rather.

I’m giving in . . .

I should be doing my Friday music post today, but I’m not going to. I actually have a song I want to put up, but I’d just post this immediately after and I don’t want that song to get lost in the sauce, soooo . . . I’ll wait for it. (If anyone watches Psych, feel free to hear Shawn pulling one of his ‘wait for it’ moments there, even though it’s not really applicable. Just fun.)

This blog entry is part apology, part update, part . . . something.

I’ve fallen behind on everything. Email responses, messages, comments on here, Twitter. I’m just behind. I don’t know how it happened, really, but it totally did. So, I’m sorry for that.

I finished inputting the changes from this run-through of B3 (hitting the halfway point where adding became nearly impossible REALLY helped speed things up) just a few minutes ago. This means:

I am getting ready to start inputting the changes from the LAST edit of B4, so I can do another run(inch)-through of that one. (I’ll add here that I absolutely freaking DESPISE inputting changes). This means:

I will PROBABLY not be on here often.

A) Having to do two IC sessions in a row makes me EXTREMELY miserable (which is why I occasionally put them off until they need to be done). It will be DAYS of doing this (already a couple in), and that puts me in an EXTREMELY bad mood.

B) No matter how many times I go through B4 . . . I always get caught up in it. I can’t help it. It’s my favorite.

C) I started writing here and there the other day, just for an hour or two at a time. But what I was/am writing is a side-story to the Reave series, and it involves my favorite character (Aster does not count). Meaning . . . I want to write it. Granted, it’s sucking puh-retty bad at the moment, but still.

I don’t know what it is about the past week, but I just feel like I’ve been struggling to get a leg up on anything I need to do, and it’s been making me miserable. Yes, I’d been pretty good about keeping to the schedule, and that is a BIG accomplishment for me. But I think I just need to take a bit of time to myself right now and chill out. That does NOT mean I won’t be working. It means I WILL be working.

That also doesn’t mean that I won’t make posts on here, but I think I’m just stressing myself out with all the NEED-TO-DO’s. So while I’m doing all that book-related stuff, I’m going to be whittling away at the emails I need to respond to, the comments I need to respond to, etc. etc. I’m going to try to catch up rather than get myself farther behind, which is all I seem to be doing at the moment.

And I’m going to enjoy myself by going through B4 again after another miserable day or two spent on IC. I really, really hate doing that. I’m going to get started on that tonight, and hopefully will finish it up tomorrow if I power through.

But yeah, I might make a few posts here and there, and I’m going to get back to the schedule. I just don’t know if that’s going to be on this coming Wednesday or a month from now. I don’t know. I’ll be on here (and Twitter, etc.) when I can. I might not be gone long at all. I’m not sure yet. That will depend on how long it takes me to catch up on everything. (Yes, everyone can add here that it wouldn’t take me so long to respond to things if I didn’t write mini-novels almost every time.)

I really know I should be focusing on promotion and all that, but I suck at it anyway. So, if you’ve read Reave and like it . . . tell your friends and neighbors (and random people passing), please. I just need to take a bit of a break from feeling like I suck at life, and I’ve been living in a nearly-constant state of that for a while now (minus a few tiny spots of time here and there).

I might feel better about that at some point.

I’ve been trying to tell myself this entire time that ‘disappearing’ is bad, and that it wouldn’t help anything, but . . . I think it will. I need to get in a better headspace because there is absolutely no point in being miserable, and I’m making myself miserable with all the stressing.

Please be patient with me while I try to get caught up on all this, and . . .

Please don’t forget about me. :/