C. Miller's Blog, page 4
August 5, 2014
August 1, 2014
Bad Headspace . . .
Being away for four or five days doesn’t seem very long at all. As I mentioned in the last post, sometimes I disappear for a month or so from everywhere just to write. That’s usually the only thing that stops me from being ANYWHERE for any (decently) substantial length of time. So I guess this newest (small) break (of sorts) was a pretty new sort of experience for me.
I’ve taken actual breaks before, where I don’t ‘work’ at all. Usually when a new video game comes out. I’ll spend a week or so playing it (bonus points for couch co-op because that means I get to spend time with Husband too). I’ll take a bit of time here and there when I’m waiting for other things to happen because . . . hey, might as well.
I know I’ve mentioned before that when I’m not working, I want to be working. (And will be ‘plotting’ (as much as I ever really can/do) books out while I’m doing other things.) The last few days haven’t been an exception in that regard, but there was one definite difference.
Usually, when I’m inside, I’m wanting to be in my shed. Even if I’m not writing at that point, or editing, I want to be out here because this is my space. This is where I check the rest of the world at the door and get to think about nothing but work. (Is it work if you love it?) The last few days have been an exception because I honestly just did not want to be out here.
I worded that wrong. I wanted to be out here. I just couldn’t.
It’s sort of weird (maybe) how it happened, but I’ve been in one of the worst headspaces I’ve occupied in a pretty long while. (It was a piling.)
It started with me getting utterly overwhelmed by the amount of stuff I have to do. I get frustrated at how long it takes me to do . . . pretty much everything. So I think I was just over-thinking a lot of these things. Asking, “How am I supposed to get all this done and have time to EVER write again?” rather than saying, “I just need to (mentally) shut up and do it.”
That alone would’ve been fine enough. I’m pretty used to having quite a bit on my plate. (Or am used to juggling multiple plates at once. Or, er, used to having multiple plates that I will ‘juggle’ one at a time of.)
I watched a TV show the other day, at the ‘start’ of this bad headspace. It’s probably wrong of me to do, but I’ve been blaming a not-so-good mood going from that to undeniably horrible on that show.
I started watching Cold Justice last season. I’m kind of weird with shows like that. Love detective shows, but some . . . no. (The way I explain it is: I have no issues seeing a [prop] head in a box, but I have issues if the show shows how said [prop] head ended up being in said box. Meaning, I don’t like/can’t watch CSI.) I watched a few episodes of Criminal Minds while my husband was deployed. Then I had to stop because, no matter how interesting the show was to me, it just got to be too much. (I’m weird about blood in shows/movies. I don’t mind seeing it there as long as I don’t have to see how it got there.)
Anyway, I love detective shows. I love trying to figure out who the bad guys are (usually do) and why they did what they did (usually do). But there are certain sorts of things that really . . . bother me. When I start thinking about real people doing the sorts of things I’m watching, whether or not it’s plausible, etc. . . . yeah, that really gets to me.
So yeah, Cold Justice. Even though that is them going around working on REAL cold cases . . . I’ve been pretty alright with it. Sure, there have been the moments of, “Oh my god,” or, “blah blah, that bastard, blah blah.” I don’t have the ‘disconnect’ that I have in shows like Sherlock, or Elementary, or The Mentalist (which used to be one of my favorites) because there’s no ‘this isn’t real’ barrier. I get angry a lot of the time, watching it.
Anyway, a few episodes ago, it was a check-up one. And they had John Walsh on there hosting.
So I got this bright idea to watch The Hunt with John Walsh.
Big mistake, C. BIG MISTAKE.
There I was, already at the beginning of a horrendous mood, and I watch an episode of that show. I almost cried. The entire show, I was almost in tears at just how . . . messed up (not wording that how I want) it all was. Then I was torn about how good it is to have stuff like that out there, when the ‘person’ is still on the loose. (I really hope someone catches that . . . . man. (Not wording that how I want to either.) I don’t care that he’s as old as the hills now. Don’t freaking care.)
I was genuinely upset. Then something frustrating happened while I was still trying to deal with all the not-good-feels from that. I went to sleep, woke up, got frustrated by something else, and the story moves on.
My point is that every time I thought I might be getting out of that headspace, something else would happen to pull me right back into it. (Many, many things over the few days.) I had all this stuff I needed (still need) to do, and I just couldn’t. I didn’t feel like I could deal with any of it, and I said something I have never once (to my knowledge) said before this point.
“I can’t even be out here right now.” (My shed.)
So I played Skyrim. That was what I did. No matter how frustrating that game is or can be, I really felt like I just couldn’t. I don’t ever really get to the ‘I can’t work at all’ point because I’m always wanting to write. Getting other things done means I can get back to it, so I’m always wanting to do something.
I’ve woken up every day of the last few thinking, ‘Maybe today will be the day [where I'll be able to get back to it].’ And it just kept not-happening. Got upset yesterday when I went inside because feeling like I couldn’t be out here is just . . . not right.
The shed is, like I said, my place to check the world at the door. I didn’t like feeling it had turned into something else. (The place where I got completely overwhelmed by absolutely everything and could do absolutely everything apart from what I want to do [write].)
It took me a really long time with this to realize that taking breaks for myself is alright. When my anxiety sets off for whatever reasons it does . . . it’s okay to take some time and recenter myself. (I’m talking about when my anxiety gets me to the ‘I can’t function right now’ point, which it occasionally does.) I guess that even though I know as much, it’s still difficult for me to put all the stuff I need to do out of my head. But I really think that not letting myself get to where I have been this week is important. I don’t want to get to ‘shut down mode’ ever again. I honestly felt like I’d just . . . crashed. (When you open your laptop, ready to work, and it shuts itself down with updates only to take FIVE YEARS to reboot. That’s something to compare it to, only it was a crash rather than a reboot.)
So I’m popping in to say that I’m not completely done with this pseudo-break. I think I’m going to take the rest of this week (which is almost over) and next week as well. I’m going to write, and I’m going to try to make a REALISTIC schedule for myself. (For writing/blogging/etc./etc./etc./etc./etc./etc.) I also need to figure out how to rearrange these questions for the video Q&A in order to split it into separate ones. I’d already had them arranged a certain way. Anyway, that’s on the to-do list as well – trying to tackle all that.
I think that just setting up something I know I can tackle will be best for me. That way I’m not stressing out about absences (because everyone will expect them) and whatnot. I’ll still be able to write. Theoretically.
I WILL be posting something tomorrow, so check back for that (if you want to).
And I’m not saying that I won’t be stopping in anywhere this week, only that I might not. I will be trying to get caught up with responding to emails/messages/comments/etc.
Hopefully this schedule thing will work out.
Sorry this was so long.
The battle continues . . .
Reave by C. Miller (Book Review)
A really great review by Charles Yallowitz! :D
Originally posted on Legends of Windemere:
CLICK FOR AMAZON SITE!
I thought I knew how I would start this review as I was coming to the end of, but that ending was a real brain scrambler. Not in a bad way, but in a way that what I thought was going to be revealed wasn’t exactly right. I was getting curious about the story’s slow pace since it felt like the ending would be rushed. Instead, it’s left on a fantastic cliffhanger with one of the best final lines that I’ve read in a long time. Very thankful that I read this after the sequel came out because of this.
The world that is painted is gritty and cruel from the beginning. It lightens up a little as Aster, the main character, matures and develops. Still, you never shake the sense that there is harsh classism in this world and a person can get beaten at…
View original 390 more words
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July 27, 2014
I don’t know what to call this . . .
I really have to apologize for how absent I’ve been the last week or so. Granted, it’s nowhere near the sort of absences I’ve had before. I have gotten behind with responding to things, especially on here, but I’ve been sort of popping in and out of everywhere else during the week. (Twitter, GoodReads, etc.) Obviously this wasn’t the ‘I’m going to disappear for a month without saying a word anywhere’ sort of break that happens when I’m writing and lose complete track of the days.
I am a bit frustrated about it, partially due to all the stuff I’ve been wanting/need to get done, and partially because I’d finally gotten caught up with everything and am now behind again.
As per usual, I do have an excuse. It’s probably one of the most ridiculous ones. Though valid (in my opinion), I have nothing to show for it.
I’d had something bothering me for months (work-related), and it finally came to a point where I just had to fix it. So I did. It was only after doing as much (and spending several days doing nothing else) that I realized . . . it was essentially pointless. What I’m saying is that I had a really good reason that turned out to be a not-so-good reason, and that frustrated me to no end. I could’ve been doing all that other stuff I need to do.
I guess this is one of those things you have to just get over and move on from, which is easier said than done for me. It will probably bother me for longer than I care to say.
Moving on . . .
I did two takes on the video Q&A this morning (technically yesterday morning now). It’s very frustrating when you forget important bits in one, remember in the other, but in the other you forget other important bits that are included in the first. (Yes, I know that was worded horrendously.) I’m thinking about chopping it up (so I can have the answers I’d prefer) and splitting it into separate videos. It ended up being about 40 minutes long, and I’m not sure that anyone wants to sit for 40 minutes straight watching/listening to me talk about things.
I’m sort of proud of myself. I think that’s the least I’ve stammered in . . . a very long time. Possibly because I had answers pretty planned out in my head beforehand. Or maybe that’s because I replaced all the places where I would’ve fumbled over words with umm and like and you know. (‘You know’ like I’m having a freaking conversation. -_-) Oh well, you can’t have everything. And I definitely suck at talking, so yeah. Probably better this way than trying four times to get one word out.
I DO have to ask . . .
For any of you that actually have intent to watch this . . .
Should I split it into separate, shorter videos? (This is assuming I could figure out how to do as much.)
I want your opinions!
I guess that’s really it for now. I’ll be trying to get caught up everywhere, and get back to that to-do list that I typed up last week.
Hope everyone is doing well. :)
Legends of Windemere Book Trailer!
Check out the book trailer for Legends of Windemere!
Originally posted on Legends of Windemere:
HERE IT IS!
THE LEGENDS OF WINDEMERE BOOK TRAILER!
HELP SPREAD THE WORD AND CHECK IT OUT ON YOUTUBE!
A BIG THANK YOU TO SEAN COOKE FOR PUTTING THIS TOGETHER!
Reave (Reave #1) by C. Miller
:D
Originally posted on TheBookishReviews:
Genre:
Fantasy, Romance
S ynopsis:
How far would you go to be free—to make your own choices without being subjected to punishment for doing what you felt was right? Could you kill for it?
After being abandoned by her father as a child, Aster spent ten years of her life as a servant for the leader’s House in the broken city of New Bethel. She’d known, even as a child, that the cities of her world were corrupt places with human monsters—assassins—running rampant between their high walls.
Thinking everything will remain the same as it always has there, Aster is startled to discover that one day . . . the cycle breaks. As a young new leader takes a strange and—at times—horrifying interest in her, will she be capable of discovering the reasons behind his actions and orders?
In a world where nothing is as it seems and all things…
View original 210 more words
Elude (Reave Series #2) by C. Miller
:D
Originally posted on TheBookishReviews:
Genre:
Fantasy
Synopsis:
Escaping is hard. Surviving is harder.
Aster has lived a life of servitude for ten years, but now she is determined to be free. Countless Reapers stand between her and the gate to New Bethel, and more await just past the walls. She’s spent her life being invisible, but in a world full of assassins, becoming close to any of them only makes you a target for the rest. Every step she takes puts her in more danger, closer to Reapers with unknown intentions. Unexpected friendships develop, but can she really trust any Reaper when they’ve all been trained to deceive? Aster and Chase know what awaits them outside the city, but can they get past it?
In Aster’s journey for freedom, she learns there are some things in life you can’t ever truly escape from, and that some steps can’t ever be taken back.
My Review:
View original 179 more words
July 25, 2014
Love: Lost and Found by Pamela Beckford (Blog Tour!)
Today, I’m participating in part of a blog tour for a blogging buddy of mine, Pamela Beckford. Love: Lost and Found is the third book of poetry that she’s published. If you enjoy poetry, you should definitely check it out!
Also, she’s a super nice person, and you should go check out her blog if you haven’t already. :)
July 20, 2014
SO MUCH TO DO
I have a lot to do.
I’m trying to get them all separated into things I want to do and things I need to do. I don’t typically do posts where I lay out what I need to get accomplished, but I have to figure this out anyway and might as well make a post out of it. These are not writing/editing related. I have a list of those on my What’s in the works? page, and I update it occasionally. If you’re interested in what’s going on with me in that regard, you’re more than welcome to check that page out whenever and see if I’ve updated it. (I’ve been updating it every two weeks or so, roundabout. It’s more so for when I actually accomplish the goals on there.)
These are in no (real) particular order and have no set time limit (as I have no idea which order I want to tackle them in):
1) I need to get a mailing list sorted out. I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now, but I really need to get that done. It would strictly be to keep people informed about when I have a release. I might do a quarterly ‘newsletter’ as well, but wouldn’t post anything from that onto here or the same in reverse.
2) I need to get the questions I’ve received for the video Q&A into a cohesive list. (One that might travel in a relatively straight line to prevent me from getting too far sidetracked and end up rambling forever.) There are still a few more days before I’ll attempt to tackle that, if anyone else wants to contribute questions. Really, I welcome anything for it. You can check out the post if you haven’t already. (Also want to say a big THANK YOU to everyone that’s shown interest in it, and asked me questions. I really appreciate it.)
3) Decide whether I need to actually make all these spreadsheets I feel like I need to make, or if I can put that off for a little while longer.
4) Catch up with responding to things.
5) Get my sleep schedule sorted out because I really do not like being awake during the day.
6) Figure out how to get this muscle in my cheek to stop twitching. It’s extremely distracting. (I’m guessing it’s stress-related.)
7) Get a little more organized on Twitter.
8) Figure out a way to get organized in general that won’t take months upon months of cutting into my work time.
9) Reach out to more reviewers for Reave. (If you’re interested in that, let me know!)
10) Write up some rather important emails without causing more facial twitching for myself.
11) Get book 1 of the trilogy to the first beta-reader.
12) Figure out if I want to release that one next or between books 3 and 4 of the Reave Series. (Probably and preferably between 3&4, but that depends on several factors.)
13) Figure out what the hell I’m doing.
14) I really dislike odd numbers.
Okay, one more thing.
I haven’t ‘liked’ near enough pages with my personal Facebook account. I have a lot of blogging buddies on here and I would like to ‘like’ your pages. It’s MUCH easier for me to keep up with what’s going on with people by looking on there rather than on here (at least for now).
If I haven’t liked your page, please feel free to leave a link down in the comments and I’ll go do that.
Hope everyone is doing well!
