C. Miller's Blog, page 3

I have a new favorite. (Friday Music)

I was so excited about posting this video that I went ahead and wrote up a post for it yesterday. In all my excitement, that post ended up being all of 1,825 words which is just . . . not okay. This is me trying again.

(Keep it brief, C. You can do it.)

Sorry, I definitely needed a little pep talk to keep myself calm enough to write this.

Okay. I’m sure some of you out there know me well enough for you to be aware (either by figuring it out on your own or me telling you) that I can be a pretty . . . fickle person. I have a difficult time picking favorite anythings. My favorites always change with my moods (for the most part), so I sort of gave up on picking favorites. (At least one favorite.) I usually see the differences in everything and, no matter how similar anything might be to something else, it’s always like apples to oranges. (Though, admittedly, I do have a favorite apple. Gala, if you’re wondering. Is that ironic? Maybe.) I can’t ever choose. Something I love one day will be something I just like ‘pretty okay’ the next. So when I find a favorite, it’s like a freaking miracle. And when I get to the point that I claim a favorite, that’s not likely to change.

Even when I narrow things down into more specific lists, I still can’t ever choose. I don’t have a favorite superhero movie. (Like choosing between The Avengers and Guardians of the Galaxy is impossible for me despite them both being ‘group superhero movies’. They’re just too different.) I don’t even have a favorite Lord of the Rings movie because I like things about each of them (and dislike Frodo always). And what I mean by saying I can be fickle is that I can put all my affection into something one day and seriously just not give a sh- . . . erm . . . just not care about it the next. That’s just how I am. (Obviously there are a few exceptions, as always.)

So, as I said, MIRACULOUS when I find a favorite.

I HAVE FOUND ONE.

It happened in a similar way to how I found Geographer. (My favorite band, and one of few favorites that I’ve stuck to.) I heard a song, liked it, didn’t really pay much attention to it, and moved on. I didn’t even do what I usually do with songs I like (which is email the name of it to myself). I must’ve been being lazy that day, which happens. Then I heard the song again, and I sent it to myself. (I heard it on So You Think You Can Dance, actually. I have another song in the Friday Music archives that was also found on there. It’s: Daughter – Medicine.)

I woke up yesterday with that song in my head (the song this post is about), so I came out to the shed and listened to it. When I get to that point with music, the first thing I do is look up the lyrics. I could say I was being lazy yesterday as well, but I was actually just not coherent yet, so I looked up a video with lyrics rather than what I usually do. (That’s go to SongMeanings. I like reading what people have to say about lyrics.)

Listening to that song while reading the lyrics was like getting punched in the gut for me. (Also, hearing it on that show did NOT do it justice.) A lot of that might be to do with the fact that it made me think of something I’m currently working on. (Not currently as in this blog, but currently as in the book I’m working on.) That always gets to me.

It hit me so hard that I needed to listen to a non-studio version of it. I needed to do that because I was seriously concerned in one real listen that it was going to take over my favorite. So what I needed to do was hear what this dude’s voice sounded like outside a studio. Because, you see . . . Mike Deni (from Geographer)? His voice is flawless live. FLAWLESS. So I was thinking I would hear this song being sang outside a studio, be totally put off (but still like the song recorded), and that would be that.

Yeah, that didn’t happen.

I watched a video of him sitting there with just him and his guitar. My eyes got all big. My jaw dropped. And the feeling went from a gut-punch to feeling like a massive slab of concrete had been dropped on my entire torso. (Not getting into how a massive slab would only be on my torso. Not the point.) That was exactly what it felt like.

I’ve got the feels from music before, of course. I get the feels from music quite often. Different sorts of ones. And yeah, I’ve had a similar feeling from other songs, but never like that. Never. Now I must explain why.

Mike Deni’s voice is flawless. It’s damn near perfect. It’s pretty much perfect.

This guy? His voice is perfect, at least to my ears. This is what the perfect voice sounds like to me. I said, “Oh my god,” and, “I just can’t,” seriously about a hundred times between yesterday and today, all to do with this. (I’m actually not exaggerating on the number. I feel so bad for my poor Husband, having to listen to me . . .)

You see how excited I am about this? I told myself to be brief and this is 1,000 words again. (It’s not as long as the other one, and that’s good.)

Now I’ve hyped it up and I’m sure a lot of you will be like, “Yeah, I don’t get it.” Totally fine. This is all just my opinion.

But yeah, Geographer is my favorite band.

Now I have a favorite musician.

So I give you . . .

Hozier – Like Real People Do

Below is the version I’ve listened to the most. How many times, you ask?

Yeah, I’m not answering that.

 

Workplace Blog Hop

I got tagged by Charles Yallowitz to take part in a blog hop. I’m supposed to attach a picture of my workplace, talk about it, and then tag a few more authors. Most of you who frequent my blog have more than likely heard me talk about my shed at some point or another. Yes, I work in a shed, and I’ve actually had people suggest I write a post about that, sooooo . . . here we are! You can find a little picture of it on my Facebook cover photo, but I’ll put one here too.

This is my shed. ~~>

 

That bird’s nest is now gone from the lights, and my husband’s Monster can (removed when cleaning out the car and put there for some reason?) is no longer on the ground. Now there’s a different one of his energy drink cans on the ground on the other side of the shed.

 

Now for the inside . . . Wait for iiiiiiiiiit . . . (If you hear that in Shawn’s voice from Psych, bonus points for you, and me, and we.)

Now, that might look a mess to everyone else, but it’s totally organized. And it might seem a bit weird in general, but it all works for me. From left to right up top, you have: (One of) My gun(s) (Yes, I work in a shed, OBVIOUSLY I want a gun out here), toilet paper that has been sitting right where it’s sitting for . . . an ungodly length of time, which was what I used before I got myyyy . . . box of tissues (needed both for crying while writing/editing (which happens) and during winter when I’m so cold that my nose is falling off), notes hidden under said box of tissues, highlighters and page dividers, notebook. Those three things under the notebook are pen holders for all my editing pens.

Just below all that from left to right is: A blue little paper organizer that you can only see the corner of. The loose papers are the questions for the video Q&A. Yes, they’re still sitting here waiting. A pack of pens that I got for when my neon ones run out (which I’m using in the Positivity Journal for now). Spent pens that I haven’t put up with all the other spent pens yet. My coffee, my bowl where I put out my cigarettes and hold the butts until throwing away (which I do about fifty times every night *exaggeration). There’s also a flyswatter, the pack of cigarettes I’m currently working on, and the one pen that I’m using for editing (until it runs out). (You can’t see a small thing of post-its for place-keeping (again, for editing) behind my pack of cigarettes.) Down beside the table (to the right of where I sit) is a stack of ‘extra’ paper (on a small table), for when I’m editing and have to add long bits. I use that when I run out of space on the printed pages. (I write sort of big . . .)

Then there’s my laptop case, which is a little bit broken. My knife. Don’t ask me why it’s here. Just makes me feel better to have it where it is. What I call an ‘inky pen’ that is used for addressing envelopes (and doing a few other things), then there’s Herald (my laptop).

That mess of pens near the bottom won’t be there for too much longer (depending on editing). I got a different brand a while back (because I want ALL THE COLORS) and they don’t fit in my holders. So there are those, waiting to be used first for editing (after the current editing pen is finished, obviously). Also a few neons for the PJ (and for writing notes on my hand). (I have a lot of neons because I don’t use them for editing anymore. Hurts my eyes.) An extra pack of cigarettes. Then you have my ‘ash cup’. Yes, I ash in and put cigarettes out in different places when I’m in here.

The only thing that’s not where it’s supposed to be is my phone (Penelope), which is always to the left (*left when I’m sitting, below in the photo) of where that extra pack of cigarettes currently is (at the edge of the table). It’s not there because I used it to take the picture . . .

So yes, all that might look like a mess, and it might be a bit weird. But it works for me. As long as everything is where I need it to be, it prevents me from having little mental fits about how things AREN’T WHERE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE. (I’m weird.) This space is seriously, SERIOUSLY where I am most relaxed in the world. It’s my own little place to (hopefully) not be interrupted, and just get sh- . . . er . . . get stuff done.

(You also can’t see the lengths that were gone to to make the weather tolerable out here. Had to hang up copious amounts of blankets to block off my part of the shed from the rest of it. The AC doesn’t have to cool down the whole place, and the heaters don’t have to heat it up in the winter. Also can’t see a welding helmet full of spent pens, which is about half of my spent editing pens. Also can’t see a lot of other things that aren’t writing related.)

(Note: The reason I felt the need to clarify about EVERYTHING was because everything has its purpose. A pen isn’t just a pen. I use different ones for different things. I’m a bit . . . particular. That’s a nice word for it.)

(Another note: If you can’t tell by the handles up at the very top of the photo, there are all sorts of things in here. Hammers, etc. It is a shed. If you also can’t tell by all the weapons/potential weapons? Yeah, I’ve got a lot of choices for the zompocalypse.)

But yeah, that’s my space. My favoritest space in the world.

Now to tag a few other authors . . .

Jack Flacco

S.L. Lewis

Carrie Rubin

Linda Huber

Robert Tozer

Jason Swearingen

Apologies if anyone has been previously tagged.

Can I just say . . . I was super stoked to be part of this. That might be ridiculous, but it’s the truth.

kbai

And Stuff . . .

It’s been a pretty great week here, which is always a fantastic thing to be able to say. I’ve got (most of) another week down in the Positivity Journal, which is good. I’m still not sure if that’s actually helping, but I’m still glad to be doing it. Maybe these last two weeks have just been better, or maybe writing down all that stuff is extremely beneficial for my state of mind. (It is.)

Surprising that it’s been less than a week since I posted on here last, which is good for me. It’s even more surprising that I feel like I have twenty million things to talk about.

I’ve been absolutely consumed with writing the last several days, to the point where I pretty much did nothing else. Seriously, pretty much nothing else. I’ve had bouts of LOTSAWRITING somewhat recently, but those were mostly due to trying to utilize what time I was giving myself to write. This week it’s been NEEDTOGETTHISOUT writing, where the story must be told and you really don’t have much of a choice but to do it. I kept telling myself that I had stuff I needed to do (always referred to as ‘other stuff’ in my PJ), that I was going to get behind again after pretty much getting caught up (whodathunkit?), but I was seriously concerned about losing momentum with this. And truth be told, I was just happy to feel like that again. (Where I was so excited about writing that I stayed up until my eyes felt like they’d turned to sand, then woke up a few hours later to get back to it and repeat the process.) I could probably (definitely) keep the rest of the series going in this way, but alas, responsibilities and all . . . (Can’t completely ignore one child [series] just because another is demanding attention.)

I’ve watched quite a bit of shows (somewhat) recently (though not during those few days of writing). Had to get Hulu so I could get caught up with Once Upon a Time before it came back on. STOKED about that now that I’ve finished season 3. While watching that, there kept being adverts for Sleepy Hollow, so I gave that a try and watched all of the first season. I was pleasantly surprised by that, mostly for the premise. (I do have to say that I wish I’d gotten hold of the script and whatnot before they filmed it. [If you stick your ring in the wall and it stays in the wall when it raises, how is your ring back on your finger when the wall stays up the entire time????????]) Sure, the acting could’ve been better (it did get better), but the whole concept was/is just super cool to me. Looking forward to that. (Also, as angry as the season ending made me, I have to give props to any show that can make my eye twitch due to the ending and my frustration over it. *cough* Lost *cough*)

I was going on IMDB to look up something a bit ago (I am on there a lot) and saw that James Corden will be taking over The Late Late Show. STOKED. I’d never been into those late night shows until a few months ago. Husband and I gave Conan a try (he used to watch it when he was younger) because nothing else was on. Then I got hooked. Then got frustrated due to how often Conan re-airs episodes so we started watching Jimmy Fallon now that we have Hulu and there’s a backlog of episodes. LOVE IT. Well, I love everything about it apart from ol’ whatshisface on there. (Still trying to figure out why hosts need a host????) Anyway, I saw James Corden when watching Doctor Who, so I’ll probably at least give that a try. (Glad I didn’t give up on those shows when catching a bit of Seth Myers before starting with Conan. And can I just add . . . Has ANYONE ELSE noticed that Seth Myers looks exactly like Ben Stiller????)

Anyway, all those shows have given me a somewhat different perspective on actors. Like Vin Diesel. I was pleasantly surprised by him. Still really dislike Jason Statham, no surprise there. (No, I do not like him.) It’s been pretty cool. (Can I also add . . . I want a baby Groot. So bad.) Good wind-down shows while I’m having my cup of milk before bed.

I’m excited about this week. I’m going to be spending the day with my mom (hopefully tomorrow), which I haven’t done in a while. I’ll also be getting to see some of my favorite people in the world (that I haven’t seen in an unacceptably long time).

Destiny is coming out, and I’ve been looking forward to that for . . . long time. Sure, they took the split-screen co-op out (WTF? GAAAAAH! >.too stoked (because then I get the kind of upset where I start shouting about split-screen co-op being removed) because I don’t want to be disappointed . . .

Got some really fantastic reviews for Reave pretty recently, and that makes me super happy.

Also made a new friend, which also makes me super happy.

I am starting to wonder if some of my real life friends have gotten completely fed up with my workaholic ways and have zero intention of ever speaking to me again. That doesn’t make me super happy.

Painted my nails a color called Blue Suede Shoes, which makes me want to wear my pair of blue suede heels (had to get them on principle). Not that I wear heels because . . . totally don’t. Not that not wearing heels stops me from purchasing heels because . . . totally doesn’t. I keep hoping that one day I’ll have an excuse to get out of my pajamas and out into the world, where people do stuff. The excuse would be a friend that would pull me out of my shed. Yeah, Husband and I need to get out more.

This is starting to turn into a generalized yet more thorough version of my PJ, so I should probably put a stop to this post despite feeling like I could go on (and on and on). I’ve just been in a good mood (which is a nice change from that horrible one that wouldn’t go away), so yeah. I’m thinking that getting consumed by writing has more to do with it than anything, but we shall see.

Hope everyone is doing super fantastically awesome and stuff.

(Apologies for any [non-purposeful] errors in this. I am extremely tired.)

Positivity Journal, Week One

I got to write Day 7 on my Positivity Journal tonight. So it’s been one week of doing this experiment of sorts. I’m proud of myself for keeping with some unplanned, time-sucker. No, it doesn’t really take that long, but the half an hour or so I spend on it daily (nightly) could be spent doing things that some part of me might tell the other part are more ‘worthwhile’. Good thing I’m apparently choosing to ignore that part completely, because I really think this is helping.

No, I’m not magically running around thinking that everything is daisies and roses. (I’m not really a fan of daisies or roses, so I should probably use more personally-appropriate flower choices for that.) I do think it’s doing precisely what I wanted and intended for it to though, which is making me stop for a bit and break it all down. Not only that, but I’ve gotten to put a few things on there that I don’t want to forget. Having a laugh with people, and things like that.

This is telling me a little more about myself than I thought it would. As I said in the post where I was initially talking about doing this, I’m not writing feelings down and things along those lines. But I think this is probably the most ‘me’ that’s been written down in a very long time. Maybe it wouldn’t be so if I wasn’t putting +’s and -‘s next to things (along with a few other symbols that I made a key for), and it wasn’t so blatantly obvious how I feel about totally normal occurrences. I definitely don’t plan on anyone ever getting their hands on this.

It’s not that it’s all bad, but I’m really not used to writing anything about myself anymore. (Past these blog entries which are almost always about myself working.) At some point, I got pretty accustomed to only spilling less-than-pleasant aspects of my life/thoughts/feelings to my husband (and very few close friends). And there they sit on paper with little symbols, probably saying much more about how I feel and who I am as a person than any legitimate journal entry ever could or would. I wasn’t expecting that, which seems a bit silly in retrospect.

There have definitely been positives. Laughs, as I said. Comments made that I don’t want to forget. Communications. There was a quote I heard that really struck a chord with me, and it got its own special symbol that it – thus far – only shares with a pep talk I had to give myself halfway through the week. It’s almost funny what difference a few written words might potentially make with a person.

There have, of course, been some negatives. One, for acknowledging that sometimes . . . I’m a very bad friend. I lose track of time, and I don’t get back with people as soon as I’d like to. I don’t check on people as often as I’d like, even when I know things are/were going on with them that need checking on. It’s something to work on, and that’s not negative. I’m trying.

There was even realizing that I must’ve subconsciously put a negative next to something I’d intended to label as ‘random’ (with a dot) because I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. I supposed that said enough. Maybe sometimes I know better than I know. ha

All in all, it’s definitely been an experience – one that’s given me precisely what I hoped I would get from it and then some. This is me taking a small bit of my time daily to acknowledge my own life, rather than just my work life. So I’m giving into it, and getting back from it.

It’s definitely funny thinking that, with my writing . . . I’m a pantser. It’s the only time I don’t try to plan every minuscule aspect of life or what I’m doing, and I do it that way because it’s the only way that works for me. (I plan everything else.) Coming up with the Positivity Journal was completely random, and for once? I just went with it. With my stories, I always have to trust that the characters will work things out themselves. Even when I worry they can’t (or won’t), at some point along the journey with them, it always hits me that I do start to trust them. Maybe this random idea I went with that ended up being very good is only proof that sometimes . . . a little bit of pantsing in my own life might not be such a bad idea. Maybe sometimes, I just need to have a bit more trust in myself to get everything worked out. :)

(But if I never needed to sleep, I could get everything worked out much faster than what I do . . .)

Friday Music: A duo of songs that MUST have been written about me

(Beginning note: If you only listen to one of these, please let it be the last one.)

Relating to music isn’t an uncommon experience. I think most songs (like all aspects of art) are pretty open to interpretation. An artist might be writing about one set experience, but we listen to it (or look at/read it) and relate it to some aspect of our own lives. That’s really what makes art so freaking beautiful, in my humble opinion.

Finding a song in that aspect really isn’t difficult. There are songs about love, and breakups, and troubles of all shapes and sizes. Those are easy. Those are experiences that pretty much everyone shares in some way (even if only loosely).

There have been two songs in my life that – after listening to the lyrics – caused me to stop for a second . . . then burst into hysterics at the similarities they had to my actual way of being.

Up until very recently, I’d only heard one of them. I think I was about eighteen the first time I came across it, and even still . . . it fits me pretty well. (That’s probably obvious if you read my blog or know me even a little bit.)

That song is: Motion City Soundtrack – Everything is Alright.

I’ll say that I never thought I would hear another that fit me so well. Then I did. It wouldn’t have fit me at all if I’d heard it when I was eighteen years old, sort of drifting through life and not doing much else. But I’m CLEARLY not eighteen anymore. (And if the song says anything, it’s that ‘drifting’ is not okay for me now.) If not for Pandora . . . I probably never would’ve heard this. I’m so glad I did. So I give you . . .

My new ‘me song‘: Air Traffic Controller – Hurry Hurry

I stop to smell the roses

My body decomposes

If I could sum up how I feel basically all the time? Yeah, that would be it.

I probably shouldn’t laugh at that song.

 

ENDWORLD – A Novel, The Shane Campaign Edition is NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE!

C. Miller:

Please check this out.

Originally posted on ENDWORLD - A NOVEL and THE ENDWORLD SERIES:

Hello again, everyone! I hope you all are enjoying these last, waning days of the Summer and are looking forward to a long, holiday weekend filled with family, friends, beaches, barbecues and all around good times! Soon our focus will be shifting from milkshakes and peaches to Pumpkin Spice Lattes and apples (though you can’t really tell tonight; up here in southeastern Pennsylvania it’s hot and humid). While I love the Fall (and will likely write more about it in subsequent days, weeks and months), that is not the reason why I’m writing this tonight. I am writing this tonight for another, much more important reason. And that reason?

ENDWORLD – A Novel, The Shane Campaign Edition is NOW AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE! It went “live” as I’d hoped, and can now be ordered from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, the iBookstore, Createspace, Smashwords, Kobo… you name it! Here are the links…

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Positivity Journal

I usually apologize when I haven’t been on here (or anywhere) for a while. I’m not going to do that this time. I’ll explain, and explaining will (eventually) get me to the title of this post. This is going to be a long one. Proceed if you dare . . .

I posted something about a month ago that I really didn’t want to, talking about how I (mentally) was not doing so great. Then I posted about two weeks later that I was feeling better (in comparison). The in comparison was key there. The fact of the matter is that the not-so-greatness has been going on for well over a month and a half now. I’d usually rather not say anything like that, and I believe I’ve only done so on here a small handful of times. No matter what sort of stuff [going on in my life] I talk about on here, this is ‘work-related’ to me. This blog has my ‘author name’ on it, my ‘author photo,’ etc. This isn’t a space where I toss my deepest feelings out into the abyss of the interwebz. I don’t toss my deepest feelings out anywhere, really, apart from in one-on-one conversations. That’s just me. So apart from saying, “I’m in a weird/bad/whatever headspace,” there’s usually not anything like that. That might change one day, but I’m not holding my breath for it.

The only reason I ever post things along the lines of what I did a month or so ago is when whatever headspace I’m in starts impacting my work rather than my life outside of work. It definitely has this time.

Typically, when I get in ‘a mood,’ I’m so preoccupied with work that I don’t even have the time to think about it. I have such a one-track mind and get so focused on what I’m doing that whatever else is going on in my life sort of slips somewhere behind a closed door in the back of my head. Sometimes (like when I’m writing), I’ll get so caught up in what I’m doing that the door doesn’t even have the chance to get opened again. Then, by the time I might’ve gotten around to it, whatever was causing the unpleasantness has usually lessened for some reason or another. (Issues getting resolved or me just calming down about whatever it was.)

This has probably been the worst mindset I’ve been in for . . . a very long time. I tried just about everything to drag myself out of it. I wrote. (I FINISHED ANOTHER BOOK.) I did (a few) non-writing work-related things. I got out of the shed. (A lot of that was due to a messed up sleep schedule/sleep related issues and it being too hot for me out here.) I played video games. I watched some TV. Did (a few) things outside (and got a good reminder of why I enjoy being indoors). I EVEN GOT OUT OF THE STATE.

I really tried just about everything, and no matter how okay (and even sometimes great) I would be doing at any point, I kept mentally backsliding. Now, we all know (and I have no problem with admitting) that I am a very negative person. (Not outwardly, but inside my head.) I used to consider myself realistic, and I don’t think it really hit me just how much I was kidding myself with that until pretty recently. I do believe that I look at the glass as neither half-full nor half-empty, only that there’s a glass filled to the midway point, but I’m always worst-case scenario. I’m always planning things out and trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever horrible thing that’s next on the path. That’s just me. And really, in a way, I’m totally fine with that. I wouldn’t be me if my dad couldn’t make jokes about the sky falling and me responding with something like, “If [whatever] happened . . . it could.”

I don’t have a problem with that sort of thing, but I WILL admit that I’m getting worse about it, and I don’t like that. I feel like in a lot of ways, my anxiety has even gotten worse. And I’ve been trying to push myself out of my ‘safe bubble comfort zone’ for a while now.

And it’s so freaking weird, because at some point along the way, I’d slowed down all the negativity in my head that I was really worried about – the negativity that pertained to my work. The, ‘What makes you think you could ever do this?’ sort of questions. The, ‘You know you’re not good enough for this,’ remarks. The responses to those had turned into, “Because I can,” and either, “Yes I am,” or, “I’m doing it anyway.”

So what’s been with the mood? I’m still not really sure, but I’ll be honest and admit that I’ve kind of been a wreck lately. I’m sure pretty much everybody knows there are some times that are harder than others to put a (figurative or literal) smile on your face just because you have to. It’s been hard for me lately, when trying to take care of all the stuff that needs doing. So I didn’t do much of it.

I cry a lot over weird things. Movies, TV shows, sometimes music. Sometimes commercials. When I say cry, I mean tear up. I don’t actually cry often. (You may think it’s not weird to cry at the things I mentioned, but it’s what sets it off that makes the crying so weird. If I watch LOTR:ROTK by myself, I’ll sob when they’re all riding into battle. It’s just so epic. Even after watching it more times than I even know, I still fight against sobs.) I cry REAL GOOD (getting all Southern there) when I’m writing/editing sometimes. The point of saying that or even bringing it up at all is . . . I don’t cry about my real life often. Once in a blue moon, usually when I’m extremely frustrated over something that makes complete sense to be up-in-the-air about. So when it gets to the point where nothing in particular has happened, and I’m just feeling nothing short of completely broken down . . . that obviously means I let myself get past an okay point to be.

I don’t really have a solution for it. (Though starting to re-watch Merlin drastically improved my mood.) I can’t magically make this workload go down. Even working on it doesn’t really put a dent in it. This isn’t a story in a book I’m writing, where I can depend on fake people to fix something. This is my real life. I’m just a feeble, little human. And no matter how I feel about my books, or my work in general, sometimes I need a good reminding that I’m more important than they are. (Because I can’t get them out of my head if I’m not in a place where I can.) It’s easy to forget sometimes, and it’s just as easy to beat myself up over needing to get whatever done and not doing it when I think I should.

So while it almost feels like it killed a part of my soul (I say that about a lot of things but rarely mean it like I do here) to not work as much, or as well, or as efficiently as what I ‘should’ have . . . I needed the break. That’s why I really can’t apologize for missing the posts I’d JUST set a schedule for, because I needed to take care of myself. And you know what? It’s been really freaking nice to spend some substantial time with my husband.

I’ve realized that I can’t stick to any sort of actual schedule right now. I just can’t manage it, and that’s okay. (Did more of that writing up posts on here and not posting them stuff.) Trying to do that didn’t actually help like I thought it would. It just made things worse for me. So I’m just going to post about whatever, whenever (like I’ve done pretty much forever on here). The sky isn’t going to fall down. People might have issues with how long it’s taken me to comment back, but I WILL comment back. And I’d rather say what I want to say when I can say it than say what I can say in a small space of time. (That makes sense in my head. I know I could’ve worded it better.)

Anyway, the whole point of all this is the title. I read an article today, and it was almost like something clicked in my head. I really feel like I’ve been in this cesspool of negativity for FAR too long. (I don’t like not being able to work.) I thought of an idea earlier.

I’m going to start a positivity journal. Not like a real journal, with feelings and all. More like a list.

I wrote however many words today. I actually went to the gym. I got whatever done. This happened. So and so said this to me. I laughed about some event.

And not all positives either. I’m going to put the negatives in there too. (Herald’s E-key broke. Husband fixed it.) Because when you break down your days, you might have one massive negative, but you’re going to have a crapton of small positives thrown in there. For someone who naturally focuses on negatives . . .

I just don’t want to do that anymore. I feel like writing it all down might put things in a different perspective for me. I’m hoping so.

I’m just a feeble, little human, and my feelings are relevant. Being down, or overwhelmed, or sad, or angry . . . that’s relevant. But those are the things I naturally cling to. Those are the things I typically remember when all of this other stuff slips out of my head. (My memory is so bad.) And I would really like to remember everything else.

Husband and I had a talk about [something awesome] today. It really meant a lot to me.

I accomplished this today.

So I’ll be able to look back at some point, and I’ll remember the moment of writing it down if I write it down, meaning I’ll actually remember the event. (I remember almost everything that I actually write down.) One thousand words written might not seem like much, but they add up. Add about 90,000 more and you’ve got a book. All the days broken down.

I don’t expect doing this to change me. I’m the most self-deprecating person ever. (If you want to challenge me on that, we’ll lose together.) I’ve mastered getting in my own way, and I’ve lived most of my life like that. (What a skill to master!) So I might have a day where the sky is falling down inside my head because my anxiety is intent on pulling the damn thing down, but that doesn’t change what’s going on around me.

My feelings, no matter how relevant, do not undermine my accomplishments, my dreams, or the good things that happen to me.

I’m not aiming to fill my life with only positives. I’m too realistic (there’s that word again) for that. I’m aiming to acknowledge and accept the positives that already exist. That’s all, and I think this is a good start.

I know there are a lot of people like me out there, and really . . . I just wish so badly that we could all let ourselves focus on the good. Good things happen. It’s easy to forget sometimes, overlook. I just don’t want to do that anymore. Whatever struggles anyone else is going through . . . I hope you find a way to overcome them. I really do. I’m working on my way.

No matter what I’m working on, I just have to remember that my most important WIP . . . is me.

 

After a week of writing . . .

As I said a few posts ago, I took this past week for writing. Not surprisingly, I’m feeling much better (in comparison). I spent (most of) that entire time writing on New Series (8, if you’re going by my What’s in the works? page). I’ve said before on here that I’ve had some major issues with getting this series out of my head. I really think a lot of that is to do with timing and not being able to write as consistently as I used to, with releases/blogging/Twitter/anything that isn’t writing pulling me away from writing.

Book 1 . . . it took forever (for me) to get out. I started it in February, hit a brick wall very early in, then took about a month off of writing. I got back to it, figured out a way around that (particular) wall, then hit another (smaller) one. It’s gone on and on that way from the get-go. I’m six months into this series, and it’s been the longest I’ve been actively(ish) writing on one without having the first (garbage) drafts finished. (Excluding the first series I ever wrote, which I typically exclude from everything.) That’s pretty strange for me. I don’t like it. But such is life!

At the start of the writing week, I had a few chapters of the third book written. At the end of it, I’m happy to report that I’m over halfway finished with the third book (if the word count continues to hold in the way it has been). I’m also happy to report that (for the most part) planned events in this one have gone (pretty much) the way I’d thought they would. What a surprise!

I’m wondering if part of the issue with this is the sort of . . . evolution of it. If I look at my three separate fantasy series – Reave Series (2), Completed Trilogy (4), and New Series (8) – they are all very different. I always focus the most on characters, and the Reave Series is a prime example of that. The story IS the characters, more so than the ‘world’ they’re living in. (That’s not saying the world isn’t important or has no impact.) Completed Trilogy has the world taking a bigger part in it, impacting the characters in more atypical ways than that of the Reave Series. The world was/is bigger (or maybe I should say different), and that was pretty difficult for me to get down. (Thus the start of more detailed mapping, more detailed character/information sheets, more detailed lists.) It was harder to keep it all in my head.

New Series is . . . MASSIVE. It’s the first time I’ve undertaken having multiple viewpoints in one book (though in Completed Trilogy the books aren’t all from the initial main character’s perspective). So, not only is it having to tackle that (voices and all), but it’s dealing with multiple arcs, multiple backstories that need to be told (in the right way at the right time) and dealt with in the head of whichever character is telling that part of the story, multiple races with their own rules/ways of being/focuses, etc. That’s not mentioning how much detail is going into the actual locales, and from getting one place to another. And as I said, I’m a completely character-driven writer, so there being so much of a focus on everything else has been . . . an experience, that’s for sure. Completed Trilogy definitely helped with that. I wouldn’t have had a chance in hell at writing this one if not for that one. (That seems to be the way it goes . . .)

But something happened during this week of writing. I actually wrote. Even adding the POV of a different character . . . it went pretty seamlessly. This was the first bit of substantial writing I’ve gotten done in that sort of time span in what feels like freaking forever. And it feels good. I’m not sure if that’s having a (much) better feel for everything, or if I had the time needed to really get into it, or both. (Probably both.)

This is the first time in a while that I feel like I need to write, not for my mental wellbeing, but because the characters and story have finally clicked hard enough in my head that they must get out. (And I’m not talking about little bits of getting out here and there, I’m talking OUT.) The characters are no longer content enough (yet grumpy) about me potentially pinning them to trees so that I can carry on with things and get back to them when I’m able. If I were to have a conversation with this group of characters, telling them I need to do just that, it would go as follows . . .

1: *stares at me for far too long* I’m not letting you pin me to a tree again. Are you that ignorant?

Me: I’m sorry. I have a lot of things I need to do.

2: So do we.

3: But if she has things she needs to do, shouldn’t she do them? I mean, she’s helping us, isn’t she? Shouldn’t we be quiet for a little while if that would help her get us out of her head so we can live?

4: I’m sure we could keep ourselves occupied while she’s away.

1: Shut up, 4.

4: *grins*

Me: I really am sorry. I don’t want it to be this way.

5: Why don’t you try time-splitting again? Obviously it would be difficult. We all *looks around at the others* know you want to tell our story. So tell it.

Me: It would be pretty much impossible with writing rather than editing. I’m worried pinning you to the trees will end up being necessary.

6: This is bulls***.

Me: I know.

7: Is anyone going to tell me what I’m doing here?

Me: I am. Just give me some time.

1: I am not letting you pin me to a tree again.

2: *nudges 1*

1: *shakes head at 2* I’m not.

4: Is everyone going to ignore the fact that I’m her favorite here?

6: You’re being an ass. She likes all of us.

4: But we all know I’m the favorite.

7: *looks at me* Can we talk later about why? Because I really don’t understand that.

Me: I’m really not allowed to talk to you about that sort of thing. It would mess with the dynamic.

2: You know you shouldn’t be talking to us at all, right?

Me: I know. I’m just trying to explain.

4: Am I the only one who’s getting this? *looks around* No? No one? Seriously? I can fix all of this. *grins at me* You know you want to spend time with me.

Me: I know, 4. I know. Time for the tree.

4: *gapes* You’re not serious.

Me: Completely.

7: I guess being the favorite doesn’t always help.

Me: Seriously, everyone. Trees. It would be better if you could pin yourselves there. I don’t know if I can make myself do it right now.

1: Are you forgetting that we’re not currently someplace that makes pinning ourselves to trees feasible?

2: She’s not forgetting.

6: I’m not going back in that forest until I absolutely have to. You’re out of luck with the trees.

Me: Can’t you just go shut yourselves in rooms then? At least for a little while?

5: I’m fine with that.

3: You’re coming back for us, right?

Me: Of course. Hopefully in a few hours.

Everyone grumbles a bit and starts walking away.

1: This is what happens when we have a human writing our story. We already have to deal with her taking too much time to eat, and gods, she sleeps for an eternity. Doesn’t she realize how much we have to do?

Me: I can still hear you, 1.

1: *shrugs just before turning a corner*

There are a few waves and a few glares before everyone else disappears.

 

Yeah, I need to get this story out. If it gets to the ‘I’m having conversations with my characters on my blog’ point? Yeah.

Anyway, the point of all that is this: I AM going to try time-splitting with this. I’ll be cutting down on my posts on here, as I mentioned. (At least for the time being). The plan is to do two ‘update’ type posts monthly, around the first and third Monday of the next few months. I am wanting to bring back my Friday Music posts (to pop in and say hello, and to share some of the ridiculous amount of music that I like). I’ll probably do two of those a month, maybe on the second and fourth Friday’s. I’m also planning to do a few stray ‘fun posts’ here and there, which could be about anything and come at any time.

I’ll be spending this week legitimately trying to get caught up on things while time-splitting. The plan is that doing this will KEEP me caught up, but I’m not sure. I’ll really just have to see how it goes. If this doesn’t work? I’m pretty much out of options.

In other news, some interesting things were going on while I was away. For one thing, Charles Yallowitz released the newest book in the Legends of Windemere series.

Also, they’ve opened up the crowdsourcing to potentially make the Frostbite movie, the second book in the Vampire Academy Series. I know I’ve said on here before that I love (LOVE) that series, and a lot of that has to do with the friendship(s) involved in it. (I wrote on that in Female Friendships, if you want to check that post out.) If you’ve read the books, you know they only get (SOOOO) much better after the first. I really, REALLY hope the second movie gets made. (They really seem to be LISTENING now, which I think they could’ve greatly benefited from doing with the first.) It seems that word hasn’t gotten out about that as well as it should be, so I wanted to make sure I said something about it on here, in case any of my followers are fans and don’t know about it. You can check out the campaign here: Frostbite on Indiegogo.

One more thing. I’d been deleting the ‘news’ bits on my What’s in the works? page when I would update. I think I’m just going to leave them there and update below them from now on. That way if anyone is THAT interested, they can see how progress actually goes.

Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty fantastic, by the way . . .

That’s all!

Hope everyone has a great week!

Sorry this was so long . . .

 

Book Sixty of 2014: Reave by C. Miller

C. Miller:

x50000

Originally posted on 60 Seconds or More:

How far would you go to be free—to make your own choices without being subjected to punishment for doing what you felt was right? Could you kill for it?
After being abandoned by her father as a child, Aster spent ten years of her life as a servant for the leader’s House in the broken city of New Bethel. She’d known, even as a child, that the cities of her world were corrupt places with human monsters—assassins—running rampant between their high walls.
Thinking everything will remain the same as it always has there, Aster is startled to discover that one day . . . the cycle breaks. As a young new leader takes a strange and—at times—horrifying interest in her, will she be capable of discovering the reasons behind his actions and orders?
In a world where nothing is as it seems and all things are never anywhere near as…

View original 484 more words

Cover Reveal: The Compass Key by Charles Yallowitz!

Debuting August 8th on Amazon Kindle!

Cover Art by Jason Pedersen

Swords will clash and spells will fly in the newest adventure of young warrior Luke Callindor, Nyx the magic-flinging caster, and their friends.

With Sari captured by their enemies, the champions of Windemere are determined to get her back and destroy the Lich’s castle. Little do they realize, their battles in the Caster Swamp are only the beginning of this adventure. Trinity and her Chaos Elves have invaded the city of Gaia in search of a relic called the Compass Key. Rumored to be the key to rescuing Sari from a magical island, our heroes are in a race to find the mysterious relic.

Which side will claim the Compass Key? And, what will our heroes do when they’re faced with an enemy whose evil power overshadows anything they have ever faced?

About the Author:

Charles Yallowitz was born and raised on Long Island, NY, but he has spent most of his life wandering his own imagination in a blissful haze. Occasionally, he would return from this world for the necessities such as food, showers, and Saturday morning cartoons. One day he returned from his imagination and decided he would share his stories with the world. After his wife decided that she was tired of hearing the same stories repeatedly, she convinced him that it would make more sense to follow his dream of being a fantasy author. So, locked within the house under orders to shut up and get to work, Charles brings you Legends of Windemere. He looks forward to sharing all of his stories with you and his wife is happy he finally has someone else to play with.

Blog: Legends of Windemere

Twitter: @cyallowitz

Facebook: Charles Yallowitz
Read the Previous Volumes of Legends of Windemere!!!

Cover Art by Jason Pedersen (CLICK FOR AMAZON SITE)

Cover by Jason Pedersen (CLICK FOR AMAZON SITE)

Cover Art by Jason Pedersen (CLICK FOR AMAZON SITE)

Cover Art by Jason Pedersen (CLICK FOR AMAZON SITE)