HastyWords's Blog, page 15

MY VERY OWN DRAGON

I wanted to do an acrylic flow painting on this large 4’ x4’ with some red. I tend to gravitate towards gold and blue and wanted to be bolder.

I finished it and hung it in a friend’s office for about a year. It looked good there but I wanted to do more with it. I picked it up, took it home, and I waited for inspiration.

I kept associating the red with fire and eventually a Fire Dragon was born. I love dragons and I really love how this painting turned out.

I hold tight to a monster with sharp metal teeth

His wings are made of fire, pure lava they seeth

He battles storms and chaos where I cannot

Soaring brave into battle, a genuine dreadnaught

He fights without fear, confident and bold

His eyes become my eyes, pinpoints of gold

Poignant and indignant to my predator’s gaze

His voice is my voice our words set ablaze

The defender of my soul, he doesn’t break down

Wading in the devil’s fire he swallows the sound

The noisy torment that crashes like an angry sea

The lies meant to drown the strongest parts of me

I am a princess locked in a tower full of emotion

Kept safe by a dragon, from a demon’s devotion

A MERMAID ALL ALONG

When I first started blogging it was therapy. It was meant to be a way for me to sit with my brain and listen to what it had to say. And then I was supposed to summarize what it was telling me in as few words as possible.

Some people started calling it poetry.

I grew up thinking poetry was a very rigidly structured and meaningful puzzle. We would have long discussions about what the imagery meant and why it was written certain ways. And well all the poets were dead. So who knew the truth.

So I wrote and people called me a poet. So I guess poetry saved my life.

I started trying to write again and found myself digging and digging for something to write and I was dragging myself back to all my sore spots. I was reliving the pain. Found myself hurting all over again.

I wrote poetic duets without pain. I wrote about romance without pain. But somehow beyond all the trauma I can’t write about anything but the pain.

So I decided to try to write about something I love doing. See how that feels. I’m going to try to write about paintings I’ve done.

I couldn’t see you at first

Just an idea of your edges

And a searching excitement

For your overall color

Blues and purples

Bled into each other

And still no sign of you

I remember feeling

Like I had failed

You’d be lost forever

So I pulled you down

Set you aside

And there you were

Upside down and sideways

Staring through the purples

A feminine face coming

To the surface for air

A Mermaid all along

DIRTY ROOTS

Tangled up with roots

That no longer hunger

Soaking up rust

Can’t hold on much longer

Heavy and weary

The oppression stronger

Stuck in the mud

Nothing to do but slumber

Hold me down so I can’t breath

To waste away in my mental bunker

I STOPPED WRITING

PROMPT: All about words

I stopped writing

Because I wanted

To write like them

They were better

Smarter, more clever

And it hurt me

That I wrote like this

Small thoughts

So simplistic

Like a dog

Pissing on hydrants

Here I am

I have words

That mean little

That change nothing

So I stopped writing

Because words

Were all I had

SWALLOWED BY NIGHT

PROMPT: Walk in her shoes.

It started

With a knock

And promises

And became

Too many hotel rooms

Hidden under covers

Wishing away stars

Scrubbing on floors

Dishonesty oozed

Wordless and false

A contract signed

Between her and death

Lay down with me mama

Let me tell you a story

Close your eyes

Let me tattoo your insides

With the heat of my lies

Too many powders

Not enough needles

Write on my veins

Until every memory is

Swallowed by night

TRIPPED

The sharp pain

Of long thin lines

Razored edges

Were like black

Electrical breakers

Disrupting, flipping

Harmful impulses

And runaway thoughts

Once upon a time

This was my

Horror story

That felt like life

But was more like

Hurry up and die

The static was loud

Turn the channel

He kept saying

Just… you know

Find another way

So with practice

And with great care

I learned to just

Hack the system

Update the wiring

Upgrade the circuits

Now I’m an engineer

Guiding the impulses

That once threatened

To trip me up

And harm me

LONG ROADS

So many roads

With confusing signs

Promises made

Future guarantees

Can’t turn around

Gone too far now

A few narrow escapes

Some foothills beaten

U-turns feel like

Just giving up

Winding back

To the same ‘ol place

This road to happy

Isn’t easy

It’s treacherous

And fabled

And unmarked

By x’s

But I found it

The treasure

And it wasn’t

A destination

But it was in people

People you pass

People you pick up

Those you run from

And those you keep

Happy travels with you

On whatever road you choose

LIKE A TREE

Like a tree

I was pushed

By wind

By hands

By ground

And sky

Some cuts

I caused

Many more

I didn’t

My roots

Almost died

Environment

Unkind

But like a tree

I bent

I swayed

I stood

And I grew

My roots

They searched

And searched

Found water

Found nutrition

And now I bloom

Beautiful flowers

I never even knew I had

METALLIC MADNESS

Energy flows anxious

A metallic madness

Inside experience

An undetermined groove

Not yet known

Morphing from dirty

To clean again

Steps taken full speed

A hundred and eighty

Into a slow silent breath

The good being born

The bad its twin

Equal liquid gods

In your shaky hands

To shape and unshape

To freeze and to melt

To create the uncreated

Power crystallized

Past into present

Start to finish

From ending

To beginning again

SEEING ME

I took a picture

Sent it to my boyfriend

My first thought was

I look familiar

Like Jigsaw

Weird cheeks

Big lips

Strange…

Full stop

You look like a person

Like someone loved

Who also loves

You look like a mom

Like a girlfriend

A daughter, A friend

You look like the lady

Who puts on your makeup

And sings off key to you

And gives you advice

Making you laugh

And sometimes cry

She’s sort of funny

And she’s comfortable

And fairly kind

She’s you

And you love her