Stephanie Dolce's Blog, page 32

Here's How Desperate and Dumb People Are Using Dating Sites

I have been researching dating sites all over the internet. Some promote them on Facebook while others promote them on Twitter and Google+.  Even some dating sites have started using Instagram.

As I was doing some hardcore research I saw a young girl, guessing in her 20's, posing on a motorcycle with the caption:

Send me pics fellas
I might ride you like I do my bike...if you're man enough to handle me
my number is 1-9*5-2**-3696...don't keep me waiting

Seriously, this is HOW desperate and dumb this generation has become.

First mistake: asking for pictures which you know will be sexual

Second mistake: making a sexual reference

Third mistake: posting her phone number for the entire world to see.

 

Online dating sites LOVE these type of people! As someone tweeted me, " The dating sites love self-destructive people, bc they make great customers as they chase away person after person. Dating sites provide a fall back for the attention-starved. Why work it out when there's another "match" waiting online?"

I've been saying that since day one.  If you really want love remember, they call it falling in love because you JUST fall. You don't FORCE yourself to trip.

Lots Of Men And Some Women Don't Think Rape Is Rape

My latest article on the NHL Star Patrick Kane & rape. Click here:

15 Reasons Why You Are Still Single

“I hate being single!” or, “Why am I so unlucky in love?” Do these sound familiar? If so, then welcome to Singlehood. I will admit, some people are really unlucky when it comes to love. I have seen it first hand, but there are those who are still single due to those are left in the “pool” while others are single due to being their own worst enemy. Then of course you have those people who call you “desperate.” Lets get one stereotype cleared up though: I am not desperate because I am single. I am single because I am not desperate. There's a difference. If you are running from relationship to relationship, then okay, you are desperate, but if you stuggling to find someone and you have your standards, you are NOT desperate, you are smart.

This is NOT for those people. The ones who are smart enough to take a step back, look at the situation, and go slow into finding someone to have a real relationship with instead of rushing themselves to the altar.

This is for those who are sabatoging any chance they get at having a relationship and there are 15 good reasons why you are still single.

Lets start off small:

 

1- You have annoying habits that scare people away.

We all know someone who has this annoying habit of talking with food in their mouth. We all also know someone who is obsessed with their blackberry or iPhone. You interrupt people while they are talking and talk about something else or just talk on and on, was another relationship breaker that was mentioned. Other annoying habits that scare people away that were mentioned by people were not being given space and always feeling like they are smothered. Everyone needs space. In order to keep a relationship fresh and keep someone interested it's important to remember that everyone needs down time.

 

2- You don't pay attention and constantly make the other person repeat.

It doesn't cost anything to pay attention. If someone is talking to you and you are too busy doing something else, what does that say about how you value the other person? We as a society need to learn to listen better. Most people just listen for the cue to when its their turn to speak, they don't actually listen to what is being said. Focus on what exactly someone is saying, not just on the fact that their mouth is moving. Communication is key to any relationship and part of that is listening to what others are saying.

 

 

3- Loyalty, Honesty, & Trust issues.

Let me give you the straight definition of each term. Loyalty is faithfulness or a devotion to a person, country, group, or cause. Honesty refers to a facet of moral character and connotes positive and virtuous attributes such as integrity, truthfulness and straightforwardness along with the absence of lying, cheating or theft. And Trust is, the assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something. These three are tied together. When you don't have one in any relationship, you don't have any of them. When you are loyal, you don't cheat. When you have faith that the person you love only loves you; then you have trust. And when you trust someone, you know that they are being fully honest with you about every aspect of the relationship.

 

4- You constantly talk about your ex or previous relationship nonstop.

I know some ladies who constantly talk about previous relationships as if they are still continuing. When you still have serious baggage you can not and SHOULD NOT even start to think about having a new relationship when you aren't even over the previous one. This is mistake that many single ladies make. They hop into a new relationship just so they can forget about how “Dave” ripped their heart into a million pieces, or they sleep with the first guy that glances over at them in a bar, restaurant, gym, etc. This is also very “desperate” behavior which signifies very deep self-worth, self-esteem issues, because when you settle just for “anyone” to get over someone with whom you had an emotional and physical relationship with, you are setting yourself up for even a bigger disaster.

 

5- You have a negative outlook on life.

Negativity breeds negativity just like positivity breeds positivity If you have the “whoa is me,” attitude, who wants to be around that and listen to it 24/7? I know that I don't. Who wants to keep hearing how work stinks, how much you wish you would be able to live somewhere else, or how everyone around you is having babies and families but not me? Always see the cup as half full instead of half empty.Your self-esteem and emotional strength depends solely on your manner of thinking and how you see things around you.

 

6- You are oversharing too fast.

Making a full disclosure within first few meetings can be disastrous since you are not aware how the other person is going to react to the “skeltons” you reveal. Again, our new date doesn't need to know why you hate your family, why your previous relationships didn't work, your money issues, etc. Remember, less history equals more mystery. By oversharing too fast, you have shown all the cards in your hand to your opponent. So now, you in turn give him or her more power over you and your emotions.

 

7- You have fantasy-like, unrealistic ideas about the opposite sex.

Sadly some women just want to meet a tall, handsome guy who has money and other perks that will make them live happily ever after. The problem with fairy tales is that they set a girl up for disappointment. In real life, the Prince goes off with the wrong Princess. If all you want is to be somebody's “trophy wife,” you really are setting yourself up for disaster, heartbreak, and torture. Relationships shouldn't be based on looks, money or perks. Relationships should be based on personality, compatibility, and civility. There’s a difference between being picky and being discriminating. Being picky is about focusing on traits and other details that look good on the surface. Being discriminating is about using good judgment and focusing on how well a man treats you and how you connect with him. (same for a man, a woman should treat you with respect as well.)

You must be clear about what qualities you’re willing to live with and what you can’t live without.

In today's society we are all told that men need to be with someone “hot” and that women need to find a man with money. Don't fall for what society tells you. Look at how screwed up it is. Never apologize for having HIGH standards because people who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them. Stop dreaming about the fairy tale, stop wanting a guy to put you on a pedestal, and stop wanting the movie-like romance. Relationships are REAL.

 

8- You keep going after the wrong partner

This happens more than people realize. There is such a thing as “Bad boy complex” whereas women are attracted to a guy who is labeled as a bad boy type. Those guys are just after one thing, they aren't after having a relationship, they are after scoring with you and moving forward, playing head games, and acting as if they care when they don't. Or you are attracted to guys who are not emotionally available. Phyiscally they want to spend time with you, but emotionally they don't know if they are coming or going. If you don't love yourself first, you will constantly be chasing people who don't love you either.

 

9- You don't take care of yourself

If you constantly let yourself go, no wonder no one wants to date you! Guys want ladies who take care of themselves. This includes things like wearing nice clothes, doing your hair, makeup, exercising and even watching what you eat. It's not that you aren't appealing; first impressions are important, then he won't even waste his time on you at all. Remember, you don't need to go overboard, but most men's eyes are going to go the women who are more appealing. So save the sweatpants with the holes in it, for home, not for when you head out.

 

10- You're being judgmental and insecure

We all judge, we're human. But there's a difference between having an opinion and judging someone based on outer knowledge. Hating on other women because you are insecure about who you are, is something men can't stand. It's one thing to want the same clothes, hairstyle and shoes, but it's another when the jealousy gets so deep that all you do is compare yourself to them. All the negative talk saps out all the fun and flirtness from your partner. The only person you should worry about is yourself. Stop worrying about competing with others and focus on you.

 

11- You have sex with your partner too soon

According to YourTango.com, “If you sleep with a man the first time you meet him, there's a good chance he may not call for a second date. Why? He may feel that he has gotten everything from you that's worth getting. By not giving him more than a kiss the first night you meet him, he will be encouraged to continue the pursuit.” Having sex in the first few months of a relationship is what ultimately kills a relationship. It’s easy to become infatuated with another person, but lust doesn't always lead to love. When the both of you are connected emotionally as well as physically, the sex will be so much more meaning.

 

12- You reak of desperation

Some women wear the tattoo on their forehead that reaks “I'm desperate!” When you stop your tired chase for love, it will show up. This is what online dating is all about: desperate people looking for quick relationships. Get off online dating and put yourself literally out there in the world. Expand your social circle by joining sports groups, church groups, volunteer doing chairty work, and even go out on the town on your own. You never know who you will meet if you don't go out and just have fun.

 

13- You limit yourself

It's great to have standards, but that doesn't mean you should limit yourself to only dating blondes, guys with blue eyes, guys with muscles, etc. Women have an unrealisitic idea that they need to just date someone according to their standards, but who you date and your standards are two totally different things. Your standards are what you value, not what the guy will look like or be like. If you go ahead and date that computer geek, he may not have the “look” but he probably will live up to your standards.

 

14- Your so are vain

The song Carly Simon sings, “I bet you think this song is about you,” is how some people think. When you act like a total diva who wants to be with you? Don't be the woman who no man want to be around because you overly love yourself or are a total witch. Stand up for yourself, yes, but pick your battles. Some women are so vain that they won't like a guy just because he has a bad haircut or didn't wear a shirt that is from a certain designer, so they will write him off as boyfriend material.

 

15- You don't ask any questions

It's great to have simliar interests, but if you don't ask questions to get to know someone, and only talk about yourself, you might as well date yourself. The only true way to see if you have chemistry with someone is to get to know them. And the best way to get to know someone is to ask questions. Just remember number six and don't overshare too soon. If a question makes you uneasy, don't feel pressure to answer, “just because” instead tell him that you can't answer that question right now but will in the future. This way you don't scare them away with oversharing and you also seem interested in having a relationship with him .

Double Standards: When will they end?

Never choose lust over love and then say that you want "real love" Real love and lust NEVER mix.  Real love is not based on romance, candle light dinner, walk along the beach- in fact based upon the respect, compromise, care and trust. ❤️ 

Double standard implies having separate or different ways of dealing with people. “Double standards” is a term used to describe a set of norms or some ethical or moral code that applies more strictly to one group than the other does. People also have double standards or a so-called “split personality” when they lay down different norms for different peoples in their lives and show a sense of bias towards some people. An honest and worthy person refrains from keeping double standards and treats everyone fairly, without any sense of bias.  We need to get rid of the double standards in relationships as in every aspect of life.  All that double standards do is put people against each other instead of putting people together. And we are better together than we are apart. ❤️

 

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen:

Dear Ladies, This is the guy to go after not the ones who play games with your mind and heart. Guys, stop calling women hot! You know what is hot? The oven is hot, the weather is hot, and the only time a female gets hot is when she is having a hot flash! And ladies, you don't need a guy to call you sexy to validate that you are- they only thing you need to do is believe that you are sexy. <3

Ex's and Oh's

Reason Not To Do Repeats: You already know how the story is going to end. Move On.

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WRITING ASSIGNMENT QUESTION: Ladies, who do you prefer ...

WRITING ASSIGNMENT QUESTION:
Ladies, who do you prefer AND why:
Magic Mike or Christian Grey?

Why Can't Men Be Taught Not To Rape?

We live in a society that teaches women to be careful not t get raped, instead of teaching men not to rape. Think about that for a moment and we'll get back to that idea right after some statistics on rape first.

The U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics states that 91% of rape victims are female and 9% are male, and 99% of rapists are male, using the definition of rape as penetration by the perpetrator.

There is no nationally accepted definition of rape in the United States, instead each state has their own laws. These definitions can vary considerably, but most of them do not use the term rape any more, instead using"sexual assault", "criminal sexual conduct", "sexual abuse", "sexual battery", etc.

In 2012, the FBI updated its definition of rape to include male rape and non-forcible rape.

U.S. Justice Department's Bureau of Justice Statistics, found nearly 250,000 rapes or sexual assaults occurred in 2011.

1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in her lifetime. Among all victims, about nine out of ten are female.

1 out of every 33 American men has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in his lifetime.

Ages 12-34 are the years with the highest risk.

100% of completed rapes, 39% of attempted rapes, and 17% of sexual assaults against females result in injured victims.

Only around 36% of injured victims receive medical care.

Nearly 6 out of 10 sexual assault incidents were reported by victims to have occurred in their own home or at the home of a friend, relative, or neighbor.

43% of rapes were between 6:00pm and midnight

Sexual assault is one of the most under-reported crimes, with an average of 39% being reported to the police each year.

The closer the relationship between the female victim and the offender, the greater the likelihood that the incident will not be reported.

When the offender was a friend or acquaintance, an average of 71% were not reported.

42% of rapists are never married.

The average age of an arrested rapist is 31 years old.

Survivors of sexual assault are:

3 times more likely to suffer from depression

6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder

13 times more likely to abuse alcohol

26 times more likely to abuse drugs

4 times more likely to contemplate suicide  [ Source: Rape Crisis Center ]

 When I posted the concept that women are always taught how to protect themselves against rape but men are not taught NOT to rape, I received a mixed bag of responses from the guys. One guy told me,

“I'm pretty sure we get the message. So much so, that most men live in unholy fear of being falsely accused of rape. Most men aren't rapists.”

Well, that is true to a certain extent, but what most guys seem to forget is that you only become a rapist when you rape. And most likely the rape that had occurred does not get reported. For example, in New York City, the week of April 20th, there were 107 rapes reported. How many went unreported?

And sometimes non-violent guys who really want sex and their partners say no, think they are just being “cute,” when they start to “play” with their girlfriends/wives/lovers and push her, tickle her, start to rip off clothes, etc and next thing you know, they are having sexual intercourse without her consent. Now what is a woman to do in that situation?

Or when a guy is just getting carried away with kissing and petting and having himself a good old time, and the clothes start to come off. She is telling him, “No, sweetie not now,” or, “No, sweetie I can't do this now,” and he is NOT listening. What is happening then? You guessed it; he is going to rape her. See, most guys may not be convicted rapists, and most guys that you know or that I know, may never rape a woman, but there is always that slight chance that a guy gets carried away with a woman who is NOT interested in having sex with them. When a guy takes it all the way and she does not give her consent, that is defined as rape.

In today's society, that is what a man SHOULD be taught.  Rape is something that never should happen for any reason.  And a woman should never lie about being raped when she was never raped at all just because she regrets having intercourse with a man, either.  Then you have this lawmaker, Republican state Rep. Mike Bocchino , make a comment like this, "If there are witnesses to a reported rape it means it was a “really great party.” Not only does this man need to be taught as to what rape really is, but he needs to be taught that women should be respected and rape is not a party at all.  A woman's body is not something that is to be treated as if it were a toy, a play thing, and that is where the problem starts.
A woman brought you into this world, a man has NO right to disrespect her. Period.

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