Will Once's Blog, page 10
January 28, 2016
How do you eat a burger?
Sometimes destiny gives you a collection, whether you want one or not. It seems I have started to collect other people’s odd eating habits. I had better explain … The Once family were eating lunch at a restaurant last weekend, when I found myself watching someone at a nearby table eating a burger. That…
January 22, 2016
The Devil’s Trousers
Mickey is not feeling best pleased. He has just discovered a hole in the knee of his best trousers. They are also his working trousers, his Sunday best trousers and his Rosie-courting trousers. Truth be told, they are his only trousers. He picks at the hole, hoping beyond hope that pulling at the loose…
January 17, 2016
Money fornicating
“The top of the morning, Mr Devil,” says Mickey. “My, but it’s a wonderful day to be alive so it is.” Today, Satan is suited and booted. He is wearing a razor-sharp pinstripe suit with someone else’s name sewn into lining. Leather shoes polished to a diamond shine. Crisp white shirt. A killer silk tie…
January 16, 2016
What, no shazam?
“Is that it?” asks Mickey. “I was hoping for something a little more …” Hopping from cloven hoof to cloven hoof, the Devil jumps over the line he had scored in the ground. His horny tail flicks from side to side like a sidewinder watching tennis. He looks to be enjoying himself immensely. Far more…
January 13, 2016
Mickey Meets the Devil
Mickey first met the Devil on a Thursday. It was one of those slow Thursdays where the sun sticks in the sky and Friday never wants to get any closer. When it seems that the whole of time and eternity is stuck in a perpetual not-quite-the-weekend. To be more precise, it was a half past…
January 12, 2016
Mickey and the Devil
Once upon a time there was a pub. A public house, a drinking establishment, a bar, a boozer. The pub was known in those days as Ye Younge Bush Inn. As the centuries unfurled it would later be Ye Middle-Aged Bush Inn, then Ye Olde Bush Inn. Even later still, it would be known as…
January 10, 2016
Who counts the losers?
I’ve said it before, but I need to say it again. The UK lottery annoys me. Intensely. It’s not just the UK lottery. Every lottery in the world has the same problems. Right now the newspapers and news websites are full of the two lucky winners who have shared a record £66 million jackpot. We…
January 9, 2016
Squirrelador
This is a true story. As the policeman says, I was driving my motor vehicle in a northerly direction on the ninth day of January, which we like to call … um … yesterday. It was midday on a leafy road in Surrey. One of those quiet roads between the golf courses. You know the…
January 5, 2016
Nigel
The UK Met Office, in its wisdom, has decided to start giving names to our storms. I’m not exactly sure why. Maybe they are trying to compete with the Americans. Or they just thought it would be fun. They say that people are more likely to take notice of storm warnings if those storms have…
January 3, 2016
For Sheila
I haven’t blogged in a while. No, no, it isn’t anything you said. We’re still cool. It’s me, not you. Joking aside, we lost my wife’s Mum just before Christmas. Sheila passed away on the 12th of December at the rather wonderful age of 90. For the past two years she had been fighting a…
