Will Once's Blog, page 13
September 12, 2015
One Space or Two?
Picture the scene, if you will. You are sitting at your desk in your artist’s garret. All around you are the trappings of your authorly life. A glass of whisky, a thesaurus you nicked from a bloke called Roget, the empty space on the shelf where your Man Booker prize will go. One day. You…
August 23, 2015
More adventures in bigamy
In our last Skyrim adventure, I bought the delightful house of Breezehome, was stalked by the slightly creepy Lydia and married Ysolda for the price of a mammoth tusk. As you do. And now for the $64,000 question … can you have nookie? It’s what every sweaty palmed teenager wants to know. And what every…
Adventures in bigamy
Dear friends, and especially my beloved lady wife, I need to make a confession. I … um … I’m not quite sure how to say this. But the title of today’s blog slightly gives it away. I have been dabbling with bigamy. And a menage a trois. A spot of reversed voyeurism. But before you…
August 7, 2015
A birthday present
“What would you like for your birthday?” It is an innocent enough question, but it stumped me. At the not so tender age of 51, it’s a question I had been asked many times before. But in recent years I haven’t been able to think of anything new or exciting to put on the list.…
July 30, 2015
To boldly decimate
CONTENT ADVISORY: contains grammar triggers. Have you got the decimate bug yet? Come on, we’re friends, we can be honest with each other. Sometimes admitting a painful truth can be cathartic. It’s good to let it out. My name is Will and I am a former decimation junkie. Maybe that means nothing to you. I…
July 28, 2015
How fit is your bit?
Sometimes you have to follow the clues without knowing where it will take you… It is typical isn’t it? You go for years without meeting a multi-millionaire, and then you meet two in the space of a month. As part of my day job as a consultant, I briefly aligned orbits with two very wealthy…
July 22, 2015
An ode to underpants
We need to talk underpants. More specifically male underpants, boxers – Y-fronts, boxer shorts, bikini briefs, sports supports, jock straps, under-crackers, budgie smugglers. The unloved and unlovable section of the wardrobe. It all started yesterday. I was blogging about a hotel in Lincolnshire and casually mentioned the ironing board thoughtfully provided by the hotel management.…
July 21, 2015
Those annoying little details
“Would you like brown or white toast?” asked the waitress. And this puzzled me. Isn’t all toast brown? Or, at the very least, a bit browner than the base bread from which it was made. I couldn’t exactly say “hell, no, madame. Give me albino toast, whiter than the frozen and virginal wastes of Antarctica.”…
July 16, 2015
Buy my book, buy my book, please
I have a slightly shameful secret. I haven’t told many people before, but I think I can trust you. We’re getting to be good friends, you and I, and you’ve got a kindly face. As a callow youth, I was not very successful with the laydeez. I was not totally unsuccessful. I have been married…
June 29, 2015
Top Gear – goodbye and hello
Top Gear – the Clarkson era – is over. Last night, Sunday 28 June, the BBC screened the last ever episode of one of its most popular television shows. And it was all a bit weird. The studio links were filmed by a very subdued James May and Richard Hammond. And that felt a bit…
